Private counseling
Posted By: use caution on 2008-11-21
In Reply to: Thanks everyone sm - UnHappyFlaMT
Go to a private counselor yourself if he won't go. Some of these "ANONYMOUS" programs attract those who do not get it and go around town blabbing your business, ruining your lives even moreso. Yes, they save lives but they often ruin them with their gossip, even the name gossip hisses, it ruins lives, topples marriages, loses jobs. Be sure before you let these people into your personal, private lives and your homes. Sometimes private, closed-door counseling is the best way to go. Then if you are both comfortable with going "public" that is your own personal decision. Beware of who you let into your life. If you were going to take a plane ride you would want to know the pilot.
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private schools
No, it's not fair that you should have to pay for a private school, but that might just be what is best for your daughter. We decided 16 years ago that our 3 children would not go to public schools. We have spent a fortune over the years, but I do not regret it for an instant.
His profile may not be set to private. sm
Just set yourself up an account and look for him by e-mail addy. He shouldn't mind. The only one of my contacts that minded was my nephew and he deleted me, but he's weird like that.
I use it. I have everything private so only friends
that I approve can see my profile, and as far as personal info, my profile only shows my name and city.
The private school we're considering is ...sm
the one my daughter went to for pre-K and she liked it there then. I didn't send her there for kindergarten because I believe that public education should be educating kids. 3 of the 5 kids in the 1st grade at the private school are kids she went to pre-K with and she liked them - one was her best friend. The private school does have a good principal and they don't tolerate bad behavior for a second, and parents are called if their child misbehaves (been there, done that in pre-K!). Fortunately the tuition is reasonable and better than the other private schools in the area that have worse teacher ratios and nickel & dime you to death.
My kids - private school sm
I have two teens now, but in their grade school years, they attended private school. It is a financial struggle, but well worth it,in my opinion.
Now, one is a senior and the other a freshman in high school in public school. Both just sail through in all honors and AP courses. This is possible because of the study habits, learning techniques and discipline they received in private school as their foundation.
Not every child will have the same results, but I can't say enough about private schools laying the foundation for success in education.
GOOD LUCK in whatever you decide.
I guess that got past me but what does going to private
school have to do with this? Things that were in our past we have no control over. I live in the "deep south" and I am prejudiced, very much so, have always been, against thin women, healthy volumed hair ladies, people who do not like animals and my list goes on and on. I do think with all that happened in our deep south, you would not think we would have such an influx of blacks wanting to settle here and call it home, would you? Bad things can happen anywhere, anywhere.
private school answer.........sm
I think most private schools don't have to follow those govt innoculations things - I'm not sure, of course, but I seem to have heard something about that from parents who sent their children to private schools. I couldn't afford that back in the days.
As for the deep south....things have gotten better for the American blacks all throughout this country finally after 400+ years or thereabouts...........I look toward Atlanta, Georgia because it shows what I'm talking about. There are a tremendous amount of successful black Americans in Atlanta (not just in Atlanta either - Florida for one) and living in GREAT neighborhoods, buying expensive property and kudos to them.....I'm tolerant of everyone and everything in life except the intolerant and the extremists/terrorists and people who take advantage of others.....
wow. I never delved into her private life--sm
nor was I ever interested in it, but I had no idea she was that wealthy. Didn't she get divorced a few years back though? Wasn't her ex a judge, as well? maybe I am confusing her with someone else. Thanks for the info though. It is pretty interesting.
My calendar is in my private office and no one
else in the family even knows what it is for. My daughter will even mark the calendar if I haven't done it. Just last month she came in to count the days so she could make plans for an upcoming swimming party. Just so tired of the speculation that all teenage girls are sexully active. Believe it or not there are still some good girls out there.
Private vs state college.
My daughter has been accepted to U of Tampa, a private college. She will be a transfer student from a community college. However, she is also entertaining going to U of South FL (St. Pete campus).
Financially it's the same because with UT she is getting grants/scholarships for most of the tuition. At USF, she will be covered 75% by Bright Futures. We will have to take out loans for housing for either.
We are having extreme anxiety over this. Both campuses are very nice, but her personality is more condusive to the St. Pete (state college) atmosphere. It's on the bay and looks to be much more laid back than UT which is in the middle of downtown Tampa.
There are so many factors and if I enumerated them here, well, ya'll would get very bored. But her major concern is learning and her second concern is being happy in her environment. We are not big city folk, but I have no doubt wherever she goes, she will succeed. I just want her to have the best experience possible. In my heart I think USF is best, but she thinks resume-wise, a private college would look better. Also, she is having a problem with turning down the grants/scholarships ($15,000) from UT and opting for a state school.
Let me also briefly say that her program of study is very strong at both schools and she has links with a professor at one of the schools who is advising her, but nonbiased (so he's helpful, but not enough to say GO HERE! lol)
I'm just wondering if private is all it's cracked up to be? I don't know... She's going to have to make this decision on her own, but if any of ya'll have any input regarding either school or the area or college experience with state vs private, I would really appreciate a word or two!
One more thing... she's a huge baseball fan... Rays fan... St. Pete campus is 2 miles from the stadium... Not that that's a big consideration, but a comfort zone is a good thing?
And... I would move there with her IN A HEARTBEAT (either place), but my son is about to enter an AS program (radiology) at the community college here and that track cannot be interrupted... just wanted to give all pertinent info for best input by ya'll.
My daughter is currently attending a private
college and she absolutely loves it. She just finished her freshman year. While she could have gone with full tuition to both state colleges, she chose the private school and with her grants/scholarships, etc. her dad and I are only paying about $2000 a year. Her school is so much smaller, the class sizes are approximately 15 to 20 students (if that many) and all the professors are very supportive and actually interested in all the students. She has told me there is no way she would go to a larger, public institution just because of the astmosphere. The entire campus is bascially just 1 big happy family.
It was an adjustment for her, but she had attended a state scholars program the year before, so she had lived away from home last summer, plus she is only 90 miles away from home now, so she basically comes home every weekend.
My daughter likes the school being small (it is smaller than her high school) and enjoys the family-like feel.
Whatever your daughter decides, I am sure she will be happy whereever she goes, but IMO the private college is the way to go. The private college my daugher attends is ranked in the top 10 liberal art colleges in the country, and she has been told that a diploma from there does more than just get your foot in the door for job interviews. I don't know about all of the private colleges, but where she is they do help with locating employment after college and have a 95% success rate with that to.
There is just more individual attention at a smaller school, which really helped her out with her freshman year which is a hard enough transition anyway.
I realize this is a private matter, but
is there someone close to the both of you that could be present when you tell him. Ordinarily, I would recommend meeting him in a public place, but in this case, since it is a financial affair, I wouldn't recommend that. However, if there is someone you are both close to, perhaps you could have them present (even if only in the other room) while you tell him.
Another possibility may be to discuss this with your in-laws first. Again, I wouldn't ordinarily recommend this, but they appear to already be involved in your financial matters since you borrowed the money from them for the car. Depending on their reaction, perhaps you could all sit down together and they could help you work this out.
If all else fails, call your attorney and schedule a meeting where he will mediate. I would not tell this man alone in person. It doesn't sound like a safe thing to do.
That is what stinks about private schools - sm
my kids used to attend private school, one reason I pulled them out was this one girl who bullied everyone, she was allowed to hurt kids, over and over again because the school wanted the tuition money and the father donated thousands of dollars in money, time, and construction labor to the school, and they were constantly "giving" things just so their daughter would not get kicked out. After trying to stangle someone the parents were finally told they had to get the girl some help and now she is on medication, but it took 4 years before the school did anything. The girl is still there, friendless basically, all the kids in her class cannot stand her, and she is just a pain in general. It is very sad in a way, if the parents had gotten her help a lot sooner she probably would not have allienated all the kids in her class (20 or so).
Sounds like a private investigator name!
Definitely go to counseling!
It worked for my husband and me. I was the one who cheated, ONCE, so the person who says once a cheater always a cheater does not know what they are talking about. Our marriage had been neglected, as it sounds yours has been. Do not give up until you first try counseling. You have to really work at it, but it can be done. We have been married for 25 years now. Good luck to you.
Counseling.
x
counseling
It sounds to me that he is putting on an everything-is-normal face for you with the excited talk of the future but this is how he really feels. I'd try to get him to go to a psychiatrist (so he can be prescribed an antidepressant if he needs it) and let him know that he can go in without you and keep it private, as obviously he doesn't want to talk to you about these feelings. If he knows it is just between him and the psychiatrist then he may be more willing. If he won't go for that maybe at least try taking him to his pediatrician for a trial of an antidepressant just to see how it helps his mood. He may not even need medication but just someone to talk things out. There are also teen suicide lines where then can just talk. He seem like he wants to deal with this privately (to the point of denial) so maybe you can help him get private help.
counseling?
Is the child in any counseling? I have a stepson as well who is (not to this extreme) but has battled with not wanting to eat. We were told it was likely the only thing in his life he could "control" and that's why he did it. He has been in counseling since a young age (court mandated because his mother refused). It has done him a world of good. If nothing else, he always knows he has someone to talk to about anything and not have fear of getting in trouble or embarrassed.
And you need counseling.
dd
I just pulled mine out of private school - sm
It's not all that it is cracked up to be. Our one local one that is not affliated with a church is $6K a year per kid (we have 2), plus an extra $100 a month they squeeze out of you for all sorts of stuff. The other schools in town were half the price but all were church schools which we did not want. So that is an aspect you need to look into if you chose to go private. Also the quality of the teachers, are they all certified, etc. We had a headmaster that lied to the parents and the schoolboard on a regular basis, last year he raised tuition $400 a kid, and shortly after that about 7 teachers/aids quit for various reasons, and in all this I dug up a ton of dirt and things behind the scenes that totally stunk, hence kids now go to public school. Class size is the same for us (19) and the discipline is so much better at the public school. A girl in my one daughter's former class is the class bully and at least once a year tries to choke another classmate, has she ever been suspended? NO. Has she ever been expelled? NO. 2 reasons, they school wants the money no matter what, and the kid's mother is an alumni. So not all kids at private school are well behaved angels. They expect a lot from the kids, but I think this particular school is overpriced unfortunately. ------my other daughter is also in 1st grade. She is struggling terribly in reading, though I take blame for some of that as I am very guilty of not reading to her on a regular basis. I am trying to get better at this, and her teacher at school reads with the kids one-on-one to check on their status. My daughter is slowly improving through her and my efforts. On every other level she is average. She cannot add in her head as yet, but I think that is a little advanced for a 6-y/o. She can do simple math on paper and is doing fine with that. ---If you chose to keep her in the public school (and I would because they have lots of resources that most private schools do not have, our private school had no special services at all despite the high tuition), pick up the slack at home, work on whatever subject she is weak on every night for 15 minutes. I do this with my 8-y/o in 3rd grade math, which is her weak subject, and it has made a huge difference. I am also reading with my other daughter at least 3 x a week (need to do 5 though) and it has helped a lot now. Reading a simple 12 page book used to take 45 mintues, now we can do it in about 10-15. --- It is hard to fit this into my schedule but I know I have to do it so they will improve and eventually excel. You just need to figure out what you daughter needs to do, what you need to do to help her reach that goal, go slow though and don't set the bar so high that she will never reach it.
My children have all gone to the private school through our church
anti christian or something, but I really don't know. I believe, perhaps, what the poster meant is that teachers who work in private church operated school settings do so because it is their ministry or calling by God. For me, knowing that my child is in a setting where the teacher loves God, children, and teaching is comforting to me.
Business owners are usually private citizens
and as such have right of refusal - I sure did when we had our own business. If you see a potential problem you want to get it back out that door pronto. Maybe the owner knew his clientele would not stand for OJ sitting in the restaurant and being served, etc., and believe that is his choice, his call. If he has other patrons of different races, religions, etc., can't see he would be concerned about a law suit. This is not even a religious matter or sexual discrimination - which is protected by law - OJ is hated still by many - his problem.
And he'd know all about her private business/health issues, too,
s
Just some pros and cons of private college
Pros
Academic excellence. At the private university learning is the emphasis more than the curriculum itself. The curriculum is rigorous and the course-work is unending, but learning is the central focus at such schools. If you plan on working during school, it is very difficult to balance a full-time schedule at a private university with a work schedule. The time commitment required to succeed in a given class is high, and this will ultimately interfere with your ability to work.
Close-knit community. The student community is an integral part of most private colleges. This can be difficult for more independent students who prefer a less hands on approach. The students communicate closely with professors both in and out of class and the students themselves attempt to involve everyone in campus activities. Involvement in the student community is one of the keys to enjoying your college experience at a private college.
Involved students. The classroom dynamic is much different at a private university than at a public school. Most students are entirely committed to their academic success. They participate actively in classroom discussions, complete coursework, and are fully engaged in the classroom culture.
Top-notch professors. Like the professors at state universities, the instructors at private universities have track records that attest to their personal academic achievements. While most are reputable, professors at private colleges tend to be more loyal to the college they work for and more interested in the achievements of their students.
Merit scholarships. The listed tuition is the highest at private colleges; however, what students actually pay for tuition is usually lower. When a student is interested in a private university and the school is interested in the student, both parties begin negotiating tuition by way of grants, merit scholarships, and other financial incentives. Thus, students with a good G.P.A. and knock out test scores should consider applying to any private institutions that they are interested in.
Class size. Even at larger private colleges the class size is contained. There are still lecture halls, but typically, fewer teaching assistants and more professors. At small private colleges classes can be as small as 10 or 12 students.
Cons
Homogeneous population. If you are looking for a more diverse student body that recruits kids from all walks of life, you aren’t likely to find it at a private college. If you are interested in a particular university, check it out first. It’s definitely a good idea to get a feel for what type of students they attract and their current student body is a good indicator.
Demanding schedule. The heavy workload makes it difficult to balance extracurricular activities, a job, and a social life at a private college. It’s a good idea to identify your priorities before setting out to attend a school that cost $30 thousand a year. Your parents will appreciate your consideration and you will avoid unnecessary conflicts.
Cost of tuition. Tuition is high, even for a good education. If money is no object—go private. If finances are a primary concern, consider all of your alternatives before committing yourself to a decade of debt.
Transferring credits. Private universities each have different crediting methods. If the university that you choose doesn’t work for you it may be difficult to transfer and retain all the credits you have earned.
Don't worry, after they have counseling
as adults and realize what they went through they will resent her for it and she'll learn the hard way. Happens all the time.
been there, felt that, got counseling
We had been married about 15 years when I began to feel that way about my husband. We do not have kids, so let me tell you that I had little motivation to even want to try to work on things. Hubby suggested counseling (both group and just the two of us). After about a month of this and reading a few books at home I felt 100% better and those feelings of nearly hating him for no apparent reason went away. We worked hard on communication, which we had let slip over the years, during which time I harbored all kinds of hurts and resentments for things he had no clue were even making me upset, mad, disgusted, you name it. We will be celebrating our 24th anniversary this year and cannot be happier, so it CAN be done with hard work. You have first got to put your relationship as priority 1! Please do not just walk away without first trying everything you can!
Have you tried marriage counseling?
Would your husband be willing to go to counseling? My marriage has been very rocky, and there have been times when my husband and I separated and I really didn't think there was a chance we would get back together. We tried several marriage counselors before we found the one who worked for us. But now - after 27 years - our marriage is finally a happy one, and has been for the last 6-7 years.
But it definitely takes two. If your husband will not go to counseling, then I agree that you should move back closer to your family where you will have the support system you need. Tell your husband he can move this time to be closer to his children.
Marriage counseling
I would encourage you and your husband to try counseling to work this out in a way that each of you will be able to have some of the things you want and need.
If he isn't willing to go to counseling, then your choices are live with it or live without him.
If he won't agree to counseling, then I say get rid of him,
s
credit counseling
I did use one, but in retrosepct I don't think I would do it again. It ends up lowering your payments or your interest a little, but they also charge you a monthly fee - mine was 35.00. All they basically do is pay your bills for you with what you send them. It takes a good 2-3 months to get set up and working and by that time your bills are even more overdue. I think your best solution is to talk to all your creditors and be disclipined about paying to the exclusion of having a life until you are caught up. I finally got out of the hole, but it was hard and seemed like it would never happen. Good luck to you. You can do it.
we are in marriage counseling now....sm
We have been going since the beginning of January. I found out mid December that my husband had been having an emotional affair with a so-called "friend." It has helped us a lot so far, although, we are just now getting to the heart of the "matter/affair." We still have a long way to go but I have hope now that we will work it out.
I hope it works out for you both. Take care.
marriage counseling
if you are both committed to really doing the work and making changes, marriage counseling can be a good thing. Having gone thru it five (yes 5) separate times thru almost 20 years of a "marriage" - it never worked because my ex was never willing to make changes. Every time the counselors approached his hot spots (substance abuse, physical abuse, unemployment, depression) - it was time to "stop seeing these jerks who don't know anything".
I believe honest open communication can overcome almost any issues - infidelity, financial, parenting - and sometimes you do need an outside party to guide you thru. Find a counselor you both feel comfortable with, can easily afford and be willing to give it time.
Go to marriage counseling
My DH and I have been in counseling for about 6 weeks now and already we have made major changes in our relationship. We weren't on the verge of divorce, neither one of us want that, but we were having some major issues that we needed to work through. It has been a true blessing and our counselor is wonderful. Divorce, no matter the reason, is devastating to children. It shakes their world, makes them question everything they've known all their lives. It's a horrible thing for a family to go through, so I'd strongly suggest marriage counseling. I don't know your religious beliefs, but our counselor is a christian-based counselor, so she's incorporating the values God expects in a husband and a wife into our therapy and believe me, it's working wonderfully. We've been married for going on 21 years and wish we would have gone to counseling lots sooner than now. God bless you and I'm praying for you!
Definitely look into family counseling
with or without your husband. Do you think your husband will even want to spend that much time with the children or will he fight for them just out of spite?
My little brother's (not so little anymore, he is now 33) birth father was a lousy father and when he and my step-mother divorced he was a total deadbeat dad. When my parents married my father wanted to adopt my little brother and (sperm donor)would only sign over adoption if he could have visitation rights. My "other" mother agreed because she knew he would never ask to see my brother and she was right.
I wish I could offer more help, but definitely look into cousenling.
school counseling
I know it's the summer, but when school starts back up you might want to look at having him talk to a school counselor. It's free for you and might help him work through some of his feelings, especially the scary ones.
After 6 months of counseling,
the child psychologist couldn't figure it out either. He is angry, but he can't or won't tell us why. I've pretty much chalked it up to "middle child syndrome". He's just one of those kids that demands more attention. I do my best to give that to him without slighting the others.
well, I think it's more charter or Montessori type schools than private.
/
To be clear, if you email through MTStars your information is private.
This had been an issue brought up in the past and I have tried to explain that we do not see your emails. The only email content we see are any emails that come from offshore IP addresses and that is because we do not allow solicitation by direct offshore services.
But he "FOUND" it in private property! Ludicrous reasoning. nm
mm
Should smoking ONLY be allowed in private single family homes
March 14, 2007— Dozens packed the Belmont (California) city council chambers tonight for the first public airing of a new smoking ban proposal.
The law would give Belmont the toughest smoking ban in the nation — possibly in the world.
The crackdown aims to curb the harmful effects of second-hand smoke by preventing puffs not just in parks and around public buildings — but in private apartments and city streets as well. If the law passes, the only places left in Belmont to smoke would be single family homes and private cars.
Mayor Coralin Feierbach says the proposal was made to protect residents who suffer from health problems aggravated by smoke.The council didn't take action tonight. It's just the first of several meetings to discuss the proposal.
Also didn't mention the money issue at the party, just in private to her (nm)
x
Very dusty, we live on a private dirt /gravel road - sm
have a dirt/gravel driveway )very short). Dust just seems to seep through somehow. House was built in 1989. I hate to clean so that does not help, and lots of stuff/clutter here for it to accumulate on. Need to just empty the house and bring back in only a few things and sell the rest. Would make such a difference.
How do you feel about toddlers being taught to call their private parts
a v*gina and a peni$ ? Just wondering
i'd tell him it's marriage/family counseling
been to counseling, didn't work, does not..sm
This does not mean you cannot seek further counseling throughout one's life.......for whatever a situation is/becomes.......just because it didn't work with the husband, doesn't mean you cannot seek more out for YOURSELF and your children........forget him, he's a lost cause (passive-aggressives often are)....they are nothing but finger-pointers (blamers) and it's never at themselves. It's a waste of time to be with one, you/one merely only loses their self-esteem in those types of *relationships*..........
Best luck!!
time for some marriage counseling?
or at least a long talk with your husband if possible. Not by e-mail! Good luck!
Grief counseling before the fact SM
I am under a lot of stress with an elderly mother who has a grim prognosis. She is 90 years of age and has CHF with another recent hospitalization last week. She is home now, but her doctor called me the day of her discharge and gave me a complete detailed summary of her condition and prognosis. I have been more anxious since the discussion with him, although he is to be commended for his frankness and the sensitive way he handled the situation.
I know counseling is beneficial after we lose someone close to us, but I feel I need some help now just dealing with this now. The only way I can explain how I feel is to say I feel like I am carrying a bomb and not able to put it down. I know what will happen and still not able to prevent the inevitable. The nurse told me last week at the hospital that the normal BNP level is not to be above 50. My mother's BNP this last time was over 4600. The doctor told me the same value on the telephone and told me it almost blew his socks off, in his words exactly. They removed 5 1/2 liters of fluid this admission. She also has chronic renal failure. I am blessed to have her this long, but it makes it no easier to let go. I have such a heaviness in my heart. Thank you for listening.
Credit counseling - some bewares
The ones I talked to when going through a divorce were actually quite high for their fees except for the Christian one and then there were some that they did not work with or would not work with them. That is always a possibility. Also beware when talking directly with the cards or accounts of if any service offers you a "buy out" where you pay so much on the dollar - seems quite cheap -- but when you do at the end of the year they will send you a 1099 showing what amount you did not pay and you have to declare that as "income" on your income tax and thus you will simply pay the government what you did not pay your creditors. Again, talk with the creditors, pick out a plan and stick with it and it might take two to three years but you will be out of debt and you did it. Again, don't promise something you cannot keep. Also remember that there is a 5 to 7 year time line after which they cannot pursue collection of the debt but it is from your last payment and so if you ever think about doing that -- just not paying -- do not ever make a payment as then the 5 to 7 years starts all over again -- heard that on Suzie Orman show. Again, if in clear conscious you want to work with the creditors, they will work with you but you will probably not have credit for a while. You have nothing to lose to talk with them. Good luck. I am sure 90% of us have been there at some time in our life.
Do not do anything else until you attend marriage counseling - sm
You owe it not only to the kids (who did not ask to be born into this) but you owe it to yourselves to seek marriage counseling before just deciding to up and divorce without seeking outside professional help. Until you can say you tried everything under the sun to make it work and can truly walk out the door with no undone and unsaid business with your husband you are not even ready for divorce. Give it a try. I have been down this road before (but for other reasons) and can tell you it turned us around. We are celebrating 25 years this September and have never been happier. Best of luck to you both. 
1. Go back to counseling. 2. Join a SM
divorce singles group. They are all over. Many churches have them.
3. Volunteer. You get to feel good about yourself and get to meet other people.
Good luck. I've been there.
uhh...that should be "suggested leaving"...not counseling...nm
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