Prime example of "when helping harms".
Posted By: pdqtrans on 2007-06-16
In Reply to: What would you do about this situation regarding ole friend? - Suri
 Like the previous poster, as a dog lover, I am appalled that they would use this animal. Are you positive the dog even had surgery and if so, what kind just out of curiosity. Are you sure your money went to that. I also find it odd that the dog would still be in so much pain several months later. Are you sure the dude is not taking the meds himself? It happens. Desparate times call for desparate measures. I would just explain to her either on the phone, email or write her that while you value your friendship with her, you feel that you have gone beyond the call of friendship here and that you can not longer provide funding for the dog's care (or her son's drug habit). Technically, by not taking care of his responsibilities himself this is allowing him to take what money he should be using on the dog and spend this on drugs. Therefore, yes, making you an enabler as well. Just like they do on the show "Intervention". You have to quit giving in. Tell her that if she is not able to care for the dog that you will be glad to find or help her find a home for it, but that you no longer can afford financially and consciously to keep sending money. Just validate your friendship. If she is a true friend she will understand this. She might need more encouragement to break away from enabling him. It is hard to do. Trust me I have siblings that are addicted and we have had to just cut them off, especially after loosing another sibling only 5mos. earlier for same reason. This is one of those times "when helping harms". Attached is a great site to give you a little reassurance. Might send this to her as well. Good luck. Try to get the dog out if you can, that may be impossible though. If you think that without your care it is being abused, please report it to thier local animal society or animal control. This can be done anonymously.
LINK/URL: Are you an enabler?
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"when my ship comes in"
Believed mother really did have a ship somewhere full of money and we should just go find it and get our money!!!!!!
Sorry, actually "when paparazzi attack" . . nm
?
Have you ever heard the saying "when in Rome do as the Romans do"?
xx
Prime rib...but then again I'm too po'
to want to ever try cooking it again! Even purchased from the supermarket it's awful expensive stuff. The one time I tried to cook it it was way way underdone, then in an instant it was well done and that just ruins it for me. That's the only thing I'll go out to eat for...well, that and fried clams, with the bellies of course!
Small prime rib
Go onto Food Network and see this recipe Prime Rib with Shoe String Fries with Cabrales Blue Cheese Dip by Bobby Flay. I followed the Prime Rib and it was wonderful. I did put some crushed garlic on the outside as well as the garlic pieces inside. Got more compliments from my guests.
Good luck
Prime rib roast
I'm thinking of doing a goose Christmas Eve - will be a first though. Usually do spiral hams, but I get one for the days while the kids are off instead and do the prime rib for Christmas Day and usually have shrimp cocktail as well.
YUMMMM!
Any suggestions for making a small prime rib. nm
:
In my state, never preemptied any other shows...Not prime time on my end
Only on court TV, never took over other shows and I have over 100 channels that I can watch so never had to watch if I did not want to. The only person I see taking over any prime time is your president.
Prime rib, some fresh veggies, good bread....
and a fabulous hubby in a cabin in the mountains with no phone or TV!
Well, VR is helping to pay
my bills so if I have to change mistakes that VR makes, so be it. Dictators make mistakes when dictating and guess what, you still have to change it....
LOL It went well. Thank you to everyone for helping!
I felt bad because none of the friends or extended family that she invited showed up. They all called to cancel.
We did not have leftover Turkey but plenty of desert and rolls. She bought 45 dinner rolls?! I think some of you are right that this is the beginning of sundowning for them. I will have to explain this to my husband because he just thinks they are losing their minds. I heard from another family member that MIL has a stash of a case candy bars in her closet and yesterday she went in the bedroom for cookie sheets to put the biscuits on. A little odd, especially being that they have extra storage area in the basement.
I think FIL took it as it was just that much less food that cost him money because he was so happy that I brought as much food as I did and kept saying how much he loved the veggie tray, etc. I think MIL was a little miffed when I got there because she didn't have room in her oven for the sides that I brought (or hers) because the single turkey breast was in the oven. There was enough room, she just didn't want to use the second rack in the oven for some reason. She didn't like my suggestion that if it was cooked to take it out of the oven and cover with foil and it would stay hot for 20 minutes while everything else finished. Luckily my BIL (who loves to cook) was there and he agreed with me and stepped in to help her out. You know I get the look like "stay the heck out of my kitchen and keep your opinion to your self" and afterwards he gets the look of "You have always been my favorite child, thank you" LOL But I understand things are different with moms and their own kids versus the spouse, especially with females.
So overall it turned out well and everyone had plenty to eat. We didn't have to run out for burgers or home for dinner.
You are a power of example by helping sm
When I was younger, I would not only cry, sometimes I would not attend or attend and not sleep for days. I think being in the MT business made me realize how short life is. I am amazed that now I look at death in a different way. I cannot believe how I have changed. Most of my friends were brought up to wear black, look sad, cry a lot. I was brought up to avoid it, stay away from wakes and funerals; so could not handle it. Thanks to transcribing so many autopsies, horrible situations, illnesses, educational seminars on death and dying, etc., I am finally able to celebrate life. I do have others now not understanding why I do not cry. It's a miracle to me that I don't have to act that way anymore. I think with age and experience, I have matured. I have a friend who barely worked outside the home. Her Mom died in July and she did not put up a tree, send cards, etc., this Christmas as she is still in mourning officially. I lost my younger sister, put an angel out front, white lights, etc. I did the same for my parents, lots of white lights. I do believe now in celebrating life. I spent the days before my father's funeral preparing a "program" for his funeral which was beautiful. I included my whole family in the funeral, chose the music, etc. This would not have been possible in my younger years. My SIL was confrontational when she saw me at work during the time we were awaiting the funeral (it was over a holiday). I told her I was t preparing for the funeral. There will be some whose family tradition is to cry, wear black, shut out the whole world for 30 days, that's their way. I am so happy that I now have a (what I consider) healthier attitude toward death. I cannot believe the change in my attitude. Perhaps we all celebrate life differently. I, for one, am happy I look at things differently. When people cry, mourn, carry on, it's probably their tradition and it will continue as this is what they are used to. They are not wrong to do so. My DIL's family all wear solid black and God forbid anyone even wear a white blouse to a funeral, it is considered disrespectful! All I know is, I love the new me, I am much happier today now that I have a different attitude. I hope people celebrate my life, not stop living. I am writing my own obit, short and sweet and will probably plan my own funeral instead of leaving that task to my kids. I celebrate the life and spirt left behind, but do not disrespect those who continue to wear black and cry, as that's the only way they know how to mourn and it's not wrong. We're all different, it takes time and sometimes traditions will never change in some cultures, they are entitled to their actions and opinions, it took me a long time to change but I am much healthier and happier now. All of this is IMHO, of course. You are doing your best in your own way, good job, we need the "doers" in times of grief as well as the mourners. I would rather be a doer and feel better "doing."
Oh, thank you for helping those dogs
get home. I'm sure they had a wonderful romp, and I'm glad they didn't get hurt. They are really smart dogs. Mine got loose many times without somebody breaking into my house!
I now work at a perennial plant nursery. I am an inventory control specialist, and it involves a lot of physical labor, which I am loving. I feel so much better than when I was locked in a chair all day. So far this company is doing okay financially, but not great with the economy. Last year was tough because of drought, and this year there was plenty of rain, so we had hoped for a great year until the economy went in the toilet. Many companies like this are going bankrupt, but so far we are okay, but no raises this year.
Helping kids, see inside
I bought my daughter her first car, something old, sound, reliable and safe, nothing snazzy, she paid her own insurance as she was in college and worked parttime. When that car went, I helped her get her next, took her to my dealer, we picked out something reliable, nothing sporty, I gave her the down payment and co-signed and she made her payments and paid her own insurance. Her college was a commute, not roads I would want her biclying or skateboarding on. When she was older, done with school, still with the parttime job, but actively seeking fulltime, she found a sporty car she wanted and I told her this time, she was on her own. In 1999, she got brand new car (at a much younger than I did), she paid it off early, she is now married, 31, has a house, working a good job and also working on making a family. I think little help can go a long way. I for one, am pround of her.
My dream would be a weekend of him helping (sm)
When he and I and the kids all work on getting everything back in order. But he would be angry the whole time, as if he shouldn't have to be doing it. I may end up hiring someone. I have thought about it all day. It would be worth it!
Of course it is!!! Makeup is for helping people
nm
Glad yours are helping.....my computer
xx
If he starts by helping himself, I will jump in. He saw
x
Any suggestions on helping my puppy with
let to be held.
Agree, you need a helping hand
When my sister had her first baby, she became overwhelmed quickly. You sound similar to how she was feeling. So my mom and I started helping her out here and there, going over and staying with my nephew so she could leave the house for a couple hours, even if it was to grocery shop or run errands, just so she could get out alone. Or we'd go get him and take him to our house for a couple hours, with instructions to her to TAKE A NAP or read a book, or something relaxing. If you have family or friends willing to help out, take them up on it. They wouldn't volunteer if they didn't want to do it.
My sister's husband was helping out too, but he worked a lot of hours, 6 days a week. In my sister's case, she was very independent and used to doing what she wanted when she wanted before the baby and I think that was part of what overwhelmed her, the feeling that she couldn't just pick up her purse and go somewhere as easily as before. Good luck. This will pass, don't be so hard on yourself.
Agree, you need a helping hand
When my sister had her first baby, she became overwhelmed quickly. You sound similar to how she was feeling. So my mom and I started helping her out here and there, going over and staying with my nephew so she could leave the house for a couple hours, even if it was to grocery shop or run errands, just so she could get out alone. Or we'd go get him and take him to our house for a couple hours, with instructions to her to TAKE A NAP or read a book, or something relaxing. If you have family or friends willing to help out, take them up on it. They wouldn't volunteer if they didn't want to do it.
My sister's husband was helping out too, but he worked a lot of hours, 6 days a week. In my sister's case, she was very independent and used to doing what she wanted when she wanted before the baby and I think that was part of what overwhelmed her, the feeling that she couldn't just pick up her purse and go somewhere as easily as before. Good luck. This will pass, don't be so hard on yourself.
Agree, you need a helping hand
When my sister had her first baby, she became overwhelmed quickly. You sound similar to how she was feeling. So my mom and I started helping her out here and there, going over and staying with my nephew so she could leave the house for a couple hours, even if it was to grocery shop or run errands, just so she could get out alone. Or we'd go get him and take him to our house for a couple hours, with instructions to her to TAKE A NAP or read a book, or something relaxing. If you have family or friends willing to help out, take them up on it. They wouldn't volunteer if they didn't want to do it.
My sister's husband was helping out too, but he worked a lot of hours, 6 days a week. In my sister's case, she was very independent and used to doing what she wanted when she wanted before the baby and I think that was part of what overwhelmed her, the feeling that she couldn't just pick up her purse and go somewhere as easily as before. Good luck. This will pass, don't be so hard on yourself.
was wondering about you....glad you're helping yourself
nm
Well you are really not helping matters or having people side with you
when you keep bragging about how wonderful your kids are and family your family is, lol.. and assuming everyone else's is all screwed up. You know what they say.....usually one who accuses is the one with the problems. People who truly have a wonderful family life and great kids do not usually have a need to keep reaffirming and reassuring everyone of that fact ; )
I think maybe the boy sucked out some of your sanity...
:)
your Trailer Park attitude is probably not helping
nm
My husband was doing me a "favor" by helping me hunt down
a new ergonomic keyboard a few years ago and he called our local Office Depot... Asked the person on the other end if they had any erogenous keyboards.
I was choking back the laughter and trying to get his attention to correct him but he's the kind of guy that HATES to be interrupted for ANYTHING so he held up his hand to me and gave me a dirty look, then repeated the question to the person on the other end who was no doubt having a fit of laughter themselves, transferred him to another department, where he repeated the question AGAIN.
By this time, I could not control myself any longer. I was laughing hysterically and he finally hung up the phone because he was mad at me. Then I explained to him what he was asking for and he was really mad.
I just said, aren't you glad they didn't say that they had some and you reserved one to be picked up later today?
I could just see him walking to the service counter to pick up the "erogenous keyboard" he had set aside! LOL
Medicare questions for helping my relative
I have a relative who wants to live alone although she really needs some basic care such as grocery buying, food prepared, light cleaning in her home, going to doctors appointments, the very basics of everyday life. I will be able to pay through her bank what she needs for lights, cable and things like that (she has gotten to where she cannot make out a check because of tremors in her hands). She went to live with another relative and it has not worked out at all. She has been on her own for years and wants to be that way again as much as possible. Is there anyone out there who knows what Medicare does to help out the elderly and give me any information you might have.
I've decided to start a cookie business! Anyone up for helping me out with a name?
I know with the economy and all, it's probably not a good time to open a new business, but I've been thinking about this for years and just want to do it anyway and very happy and excited about it!
So, some words I've been playing around with are yummy, goodies, goodness, sweets, comfort, cookies ... but nothing is really grabbing me. I've even tried to think of ideas without those type of words above, such as "Big D's" or whatever.
If anyone has any good ideas, I'd love to hear them!
Looking for graduation party ideas for son's graduation. I have a few friends helping me sm
but any new ideas would be great too. This is my first born graduating so I'm kind of clueless what I'm doing. One friend suggested a poster board with lots of his pictures. My sister suggested putting his trophies, awards, acceptance letter from his college, etc. on a table. As far as food, we are having sloppy joes, meatballs, pulled pork sandwiches, possibly some sausage sandwiches, fried chicken, pasta salad, macaroni salad, german potato salad, olives, pickles, nuts, cookies, chips/pretzels, dip, cookies, cake, etc. Any more ideas?? I'll be doing this three more times (oldest son is 18, youngest son is 3 so I have a while in between - hopefully I'll be a "pro" by the time the youngest graduates!! XXXXX)
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