Pot/weed

• 420 pot day on campus - NYMT
  • it was allowed because its passive (unlike alcohol) and - should be legalized.
    • I don't use it, but agree it should be - legalized.
  • It's ridiculous. - Kendra
    • no, I have to say that came from Tim O'Leary and his drop acid tune in, turn on and drop out ment - had nothing to do with pot. NM
      • 'and drop out mentality' (got clipped above) - anon
    • There used to be a law - Courtney
      • Yes, those are comparable--come on - Kendra
  • Pot/weed - it's a good thing
    • Are you talking about the Hash Bash? - OldMT

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He downloaded some pictures on MY computer for his MySpace page.   Anyway, there is a picture of a bag of weed (I was young once, I know what it looks like so he cant try to convince me it was oregano) and a picture of his friend holding the bag of weed. By the way, the bag was on my table so he can't try to convince me that it was from a magazine either.

I really don't know what to do.  A long time ago I found a pipe in his room.  I honestly thought it was over with after that. (guess I can be niave).  Between his dad, my husband and I we dealt with it in a mature and appropriate way.  But I always stayed cautious after that so I was always "watching."  I hadn't seen bloodshot eyes, excessive munchies, extra tired or sleeping more than usual, etc.  Haven't seen any of the tell tale signs nor found anything in his room or pants pockets. 

 Anyways, my problem is what to do now.  I really do not want to tell his dad because he will be soooo angry.  See, dad was really p**sed the first time and told my son that if he ever finds out he's done it again he will kick him out of the house (we share the kids) and he will not be allowed back.  I know that sounds harsh, but I know his dad, he will kick him out but only for a little while just to make him think. Tough Love, he calls it.  I think he may have even threatened him with a beatin'.  (That is just a scare tactic.  He's a big guy with a big mouth but he would never lay a hand on him).  I thought that by me telling his dad the first time he'd know that I was serious and that he wouldn't be able to get away with it with me.

See, my problem is that my son idolizes his dad.  He's second to God. and it would kill him to hear his dad say get out and don't come back.  I can almost feel his pain already.  I feel like he'd become depressed. I'm the extreme passive parent.  He knows it too.  I hate it and I've tried and tried to change.  I know some of you are thinking well he should've thought of that beforehand.  But remember when we were 16.  We didn't think about consequences a whole lot until after the fact.  That's the age when a lot of us started drinking, sex, sneaking out, etc.  So I have understanding, I just can't let that interfere with tolerance.

So what do I do?  I haven't confronted him yet.  I know one thing I have to do is forbid him from hanging out with this friend anymore.  Which is another issue....Do I tell this boy's parents??  A part of me wants doesn't want to bother with it. He's not my kid.  It's already too much for me as it is but the bigger part of me wants to protect this boy's future also and as a parent, I'd want another parent to do the same for me. 

Oh, and I haven't told my husband yet either.  He'll literally ground him for life and take away every gadget, electronic, magazines,  anything my son likes. He wouldn't step foot out of his bedroom for a really long time. He tends to overdo the punishments.  Then there's the issue of rebelion.  What if he sneaks out?  What if he tries to be....what's the word???...um, like just rebel and walk out anyway or worse, what if he runs away?

I know what a lot of you are probably thinking right now.  I KNOW I'm too soft.  I KNOW I'm a pushover, a doormat, etc. I'm over protective.  I hate it.  I've tried to change.  I really cannot help it.  However, this is a very serious issue to me and I want to find the right thing to do.  I don't want to go overboard, I was 16 once too, and I wasn't exactly an angel either (but he doesn't know that)  Yet I don't want to let him off too easily either.  He has to learn.  This is not acceptable.  Not even to me.  If I let it go who knows what the future will hold for him. 

So any reasonable suggestions out there that a doormat like myself can put to use?  I really appreciate any help.  I'm so stressed out my stomach hurts.