Posters here are giving great advice
Posted By: MTinNC on 2008-07-05
In Reply to: need some advice - help me
I would definitely stash the savings before she got her hands on it. AND, I do believe she needs some help. Overspending can be a sign of a chemical imbalance. At the least, she needs budget counseling. You have to think past the moment, to the years ahead when you are both old and could possibly be broke.
We live in a double-wide trailer, older, but it is nice, and we are fixing it up room by room. Our mortgage is smaller than what rent would be. This is a conscious choice for us, knowing that if you choose the big fancy house, the big fancy payment comes with it. If you are already struggling, please stay where you are. I think you knew your answer before you asked us, just wanted affirmation, and all of the posters are wise on their advice. Best of luck to you.
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Giving away kittens. Need advice on best approach.
I have four 9 week-old kittens that need a home. I found a good new home for 2 of them. Anyway, I have told the girls, ages 7 and 3, from the start that those kittens will need to be given away. However, they have both become very attached to the kittens. Anyway, the people are asking for them and is wondering when the best time to come get them. I don't know if it would be better for them got get the kittens when the girls are here or when they are at school. They are already getting under our cars and I am afraid they are going to get ran over. They can eat solid food and drink water. I still see mama cat nurse them though not as much as she used to. Any tips would be helpful.
Great advice nm
x
Great advice.
I actually have told him that when he grows up and he gets a dog and hurts it, I will be the one to call the police because it is against the law.
A friend of mine drove her three boys to the police station just yesterday and took all of them in, they were all acting up and out of control. She is a single mom. She asked them if she could spank her kids and told the officer what they were doing. He said YES! Bring'em on in and we will be glad too allow her to do that, if she needed too. They were quiet she said all the way home!! Maybe a trip to the police station is enough to scare him out of doing it.
Thank you for the advice about taking things away and such. I do believe I will try that for a while and if it doesn't work then to the police station and then on to counseling or something.
Great advice - thanks for sharing!
Great post, I am going to follow your advice
It says everything that should be said. I in no way feel just because family should accept, in that were the case every family member could just stop in and that would be feeding an army. I dislike the bad manners to start with; never should you say you are coming to a dinner not having been invited in the first place. To be truthful, feel like uninviting the others he volunteered to drive here- if not for them he would have never known about the dinner in the first place. They told him at a Thanksgiving dinner they had (we were invited, working though, did not attend) and I really resent their saying anything about in in front of other family members who I did not invite this year. We usually have a group of 10 only here at my home, the same each and every year. Others are out of town. Thanks for the wonderful suggestions! I shall follow through.
OldMT gave great advice
I went through this with my shepherd. She destroyed my apartment by chewing the furniture, chewing every window sill edge in the house, the rugs, well anything that was available. I would have to remove everything in the morning before work and it was a heck of a way to live. I took her to an animal behaviorist who diagnosed separation anxiety. Shotzi was placed on low dose valium while be retrained. I had to crate her during the day and she became to love her own space. I would leave the door open and she would go in at her own will. I had to become the "pack leader" by reprimanding her softly, never yelling, and above all, no hitting - something I never did. It took a few months but she did learn. She also went to obedience class. The outcome - she calmed down, never chewed anything again and became a pleasure to live with until the day she died. I was so glad I hung in there as I was ready to give her up but just could not do that because I did love her so.
Hang in there and good luck.
Great advice from Madea on relationships sm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqDU6CPwy6Q
If you have ever been lonely, or in a bad relationship, this is for you!!!
Any avid gardners with advice on growing great cantaloupes? sm
I seem to be able to grow everything but these. It seems something always gets them about 2 weeks before they are ready to harvest. I live in mid AL. What can I do to successfully grow one of these wonderful, yummy things?
Need advice on a good, adjustable chair for typing. Any advice? nm
nm
Where to get posters, etc. sm
My granddaughter's birthday in June, hope to get some favors, etc. I hate to jump on the bandwagon as I don't like all this stuff of kids growing up too soon. I hate to see them get out of princess and Cinderella. Oh well, any ideas on how to get ahead of the game - only the 1 and 2 grades invited, I find it sad that they don't have good old fashioned values but guess I'm history. PS: They do go to church, etc., for those who are ready to attack with other ideations. Peer pressure, sick of it all. Nice girls, pure and simple but getting into the bogus world of peer pressure. Confused!!
LOL to both those posters. I wish I were
clever enough to think of something... but more gullible, I would be the recipient of such a trick. This is why I work at home. :)
I'm not referring to the posters...sm
who disagree as being busybodies, but people who make a stink about this issue in general...Never said it was the disagreeing posters who are the busybodies...read carefully....
You know, I don't know, but I would tend to believe the other posters have hit
the nail on the head that it is a comfort zone and perhaps he cannot or will not be without a woman. He is not terribly outgoing, so I do suspect he has esteem issues of his own. In any case, I think I will follow the advice here and wait and see what life brings and not try to settle for less than.
Agree with other posters, plus...
She was punished in school. Unless something really, really bad (which thankfully never happened), I would let school behavior be dealt with at school and home behavior dealt with at home. However, I let my kids know that in no uncertain terms, the teacher had my blessing in dealing with them in the appropriate manner (pretty scary lol).
But I have to say, and please do not take offense, but she wanted a book... not a toy... for some reason that just breaks my heart. I guess because my daughter loves books and they are her world (now an English major with college professor aspirations).
Anyhow, no one is perfect, kids nor parents.
I was one of the posters in the dicsussion below
and I said that I asked my 14yr old DD how many girls she knew that were pregnant. She said 0. She just finished middle school and will start high school with my DS this fall. Picked him up from Washington DC yesterday and told him about the discussion. He will be a junior this fall. Asked him how many girls were preggers and he said if it is not a rumor, then 13. I was shocked. Guess I was being fooled by many. But once again, I do know some really good girls, my DD included.
So I will apologize to both posters
the one who called me looney and the other who called me juvenile. Sorry if I offended you both...I find this board to be both a comfort and a place I can vent and hopefully help those who ask for advice or help with terminology. I don't want to come off as rude...I was just feeling a little hurt, as I would never call someone here a negative name, as I feel we are commrades...Hope that makes sense....I will shut up now and let this go...Just feeling sad that my good intentions turned sour. No hard feelings? None here.
I'd have to agree with the other posters.
He sounds very controlling. I was married to that and it took me 13 years to get away from the mental abuse and longer to "regroup." My situation was extreme. I grew up in a household in the days where "the man was the boss and you did what they said." So, when I married young, I viewed my husband as my "boss" or "master" and I was supposed to do as he said and NEVER talk back. I was allowed no friends, could not socialize or work outside of the home because other men may be at the place I might work. I was timed when I went to the grocery store and one time I took too long and he locked me it of the house..it was my son's birthday.. He also watched our house from his work with binoculars so he would know when and if I left the house and if any men came over. Well, after finally getting a job, getting out in the "real" world, I found out that people didn't live that way. The women I worked with actually had friends, could have lunch with them etc.. I remember them all inviting me out to lunch while at work, and I remember being terrified that he'd "catch" me out somewhere other than work and I would get in trouble. Once, I figured out this treatment was wrong, I decided to fight back, and the first time I talked back, he went nuts..threatening to cut off all my hair so no one would want me if I left him etc..This insanity continued until God came me the strength to leave. The first thing I did was enroll in college at age 27, having never even finished high school, but I was ready for college and I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to get out of there and support myself. He made my life so miserable while I went to school and most days I just wanted to quit and give up, but I didn't. I just kept going and thank goodness. Long story short. I started my life over at 30 and have never looked back. I was single for 8 years before I got married again. It took me that long to fix myself so that I would never again put up with that crap. So, NOW, I'm the boss and it's my way or I'll slap his beak off LOL. On a serious note, I don't mean to pass judgment but your husband sounds too controlling and it's time to stand up now or forever hold your peace. I remember being called a fat a#$#$@# when I weighed 120 lb. I was scared to eat and get fat because he berated me. Mind you, this man got to 325 lb but I was the fat a#$#$#@.. Yes, life is good now. I'm my own person and married to the man of my dreams and who worships the ground I walk on..the way it should be...LOL Best wishes to you. No one deserves to be treated less than equal.
I think you get the picture of the posters
xx
Yeah they do need posters over there
I've already got in trouble for posting that it was boring over there and got an e-mail that was rather defensive because I even said it and I did say it nicely.
There are no job ads; same ole Diskriter, Focus...
Same posters all the time... blah, blah 
I've tried several times to seem interested, but it's just the same ole boring stuff.. This board is much more exciting and informative.
I agree with the posters below.
You need to move closer to family and see a doctor. You can also find the local social services department and they will provide free medications for 6 months. you will have to see one of their doctors but and fill out some paperwork but that's the only catch.
Depression is higher around the holidays. The weather, finances, family, on top of every day stresses can be overwhelming. Being in this antisocial job doesn't help either. I have often thought of getting something a few days a week just to get out of the house. I think it would do anyone good.
Know that things could always be worse and they will get better. Your grandson is young, he doesn't understand but will some day. Even if he had 30 presents, he would still think "where's the rest" as this is a common occurrence in kids. I thought it was only my child but since have found many others are the same.
Keep your head up and do what you can. It's ok to cry and vent to others. Don't keep it all bottled up inside. You will be surprised to find who your true friends and family are when you open up and really need them.
I agree with the other posters.
Definitely go up atleast 1 size.
I am pregnant now. I haven't even had a shower yet and everyone is giving me newborn stuff. I guess it is what everyone likes to give but forget that they are not in them very long.
If anyone else gave her diapers for her shower or just to be nice when they come to see the baby, odds are they will give her newborns. I have also heard that some hospitals allow you to take home with you what newborn diapers are left in the room on discharge so she may have those too. I'm sure it is not a lot but it all adds up.
I agree with most of the other posters.
I have an 11yo stepson. At his biomom's house he stays home alone for about an hour by himself after school and rides the bus home. He has been doing it since 3rd grade and he is still scared out of his mind when he does. We have talked about safety and all the rest with him to make sure he can make the best decision possible when home alone because it is out of our control. We do not leave him alone during our parenting time. He is a great kid but this doesn't have as much to do with him as with other people. You can't trust anyone. When it comes down to it, a kid will be a kid and when people get scared they forget things. He does have 3 teachers from his school that live on the same street and the walk from the bus is not far but things can happen very quickly and you don't know who you can trust these days.
I agree with most of the posters below, but I would
also like to add that it sounds like he needs a job or some form of exercise and male companionship. If he's not currently working, I take it that financially it's not hurting you. Therefore, it doesn't matter if he takes a minimum wage job -- clerking at a hardware store, etc. This will give him some self-worth, get him out of your hair and hopefully give him an outlet to talk about some of these world topics.
If he doesn't want to take a job, he should consider joining a gym. Exercise releases endorphins which makes you feel happy. It would also help with his figure. Maybe you could get a couples rate and go together. My hubs and I just joined our local gym. So far, we haven't gotten to go together because of the kids, but we both go separately with a friend.
I know what you mean about living in a small town. We live in a very small town -- population about 7000, 1 grocery store, 1 hardware store, 2 convenience stores, 2 dollar stores and a couple pizza/sandwich shops. But if you really want something, you'll find it. Maybe he just needs a gentle push.
If all else fails, you could give a call to his doctor and let him know about how he's been acting. His doctor could then discuss things with him (without letting him know that you've talked to him) and maybe prescribe some medication or run some tests that could find a medical cause for his negativity.
Good luck -- and as I said, I agree with what the other posters have said about changing yourself. My dad was the same way after he retired, but then he got a part-time job delivering furniture locally and joined the gym. He's a lot better now and my mom's grateful that he "talks" with his coworkers about some of the stuff he was bugging her with.
To the 2 posters who gave me info on WW ...
The Points system is the best. I'm joined the online program and keep my points tracker open all day.
Thanks for giving the information you did.
I agree with you; don't understand all these other posters
It's not like he is 4 or 5; he is 10.
True. Look at posters to this board who take bad
x
If this is so boring - why bother? they need posters over there can't you tell
by this thread?
Well, he WAS a prophet. Shame on cruel posters.
xx
Yeah, and it's always the ever-so-resentful posters who can't STAND sm
the fact that we are work-at-home MOMs!
I am so sick and tired of reading all of these negatives posts from those supermom's or those who abhor children, who sit on their high-horse and can't believe that we work at home with our children here. My children are very well behaved, very intelligent, LOVE ME BEING HERE, and I work doing MT and have been for about 8 years now.
Never, and I mean never, have I seen children with work-at-home parents kill someone, kill themself, become a drug addict, etc. Never. The ones that I see with all the issues are those parents who are A-B-S-E-N-T. Yes, I am yelling. I am just so sick and tired of all the backlash and negativity against us stay-at-home moms.
I think you are guiding your anger towards the wrong people. I don't know if your parents dropped you off somewhere when you were little, but you definitely have a problem to be so against us - and go so far as to call us inprofessional to be working from home. I have an idea. Why don't you NOT worry about us stay-at-home, work-at-home moms because your arguments carry absolutely no merit whatsoever. None.
As moms or dads, we are here. With them. And it does matter. They are thriving. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Before you start printing up posters and plastering
them all over town, campus, et cetera... remember there IS a little girl involved here with very tender feelings.
How long ago was his conviction or was it an accusation? What is the history behind the charges?
I beg you to PLEASE check with authorities and possibly a grief counselor for advice BEFORE you destroy a little girl who may have absolutely no idea of her father's past.
Are you harsh posters cops or parents?
A little late to post, but here's my idea as a mom of 5. Get her out of the house, some place public, Starbucks or the bookstore - a place where she won't storm off and you'll both be civil to each other at least for a few minutes. Tell her you love her, be understanding and really talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, is she stressed about something in particular? Don't alienate her. There is a lot of life ahead for you both and this is not a permanent condition for her. If ALL you do is punish you risk sending her off in a bad direction. At the end of the conversation it may seem you got nowhere, but she'll think about things and hopefully be a bit less impulsive. Please post back and let us know how things go.
Posters are correct, child support diff from visitation
Just because a parent is behind on child support does NOT mean you lost your visitation rights, even if you went to court and tried making restitution. What the courts might do is GARNISH your salary (if employed) with some going towards back child support. I am not sure if all states are the same, but I would think they are on this subject, but again, I'm not sure. Florida works this way though, this I can assure you.
Both! JK, actually considering giving up
coffee and wondering if Morning Thunder has caffeine or not. I love my coffee, though. Don't know if I can do it.
Giving
Two years working as a missionary overseas has taught me that material things are really not important. Do not hold onto things with such a tight fist. I guess after see children begging in the street for food daily kind of changes your perspective. Oh and then the women who washed her clothes on a rock made me vow to never complain about washing clothes in a machine.
Forgive your husband. His giving nature is more important that a rolling pin. A fire, like those in Califronia, or other natural disaster can cause you to lose all of these things. Things really do not matter anyway do they?
Have a nice Thanksgiving, and be thankful you can afford food to use a rolling a pin on. So many people in the world cannot.
giving up the
The older I got the more I got these symptoms from too many dairy products. Once I cut back the bloating went away. I think the sitting just makes it more noticeable because you cannot get away from the smell! (hope that is not too graphic:)
holiday giving
What you are doing is a wonderful thing and I understand your hurt feelings. Perhaps next year you could channel your energy into giving where it would DEFINITELY be appreciated. Regardless of whether or not you support the war in Iraq, there are many of our troops there who would love to receive a card or care package for the holidays. There are plenty of needy children here in our country who could use a card or gift for the holidays. Why not give where it is wanted and needed? Your church can give you the name of a needy family for you to help at the holidays. You have many options to chose from. Pick something that will make it feel good on both the recipient and the givers side??
Have you tried giving some fluids?
I have a shih tzu with diabetes. When is sick he will get close or under my knees. Listen to him he's trying to say I'm sick. Try feeding him some rice with a little chicken in it, something bland or even canned pumpkin, not the pie filling. Good source of fiber in both diarrhea and constipation for dogs and humans. When mine was sick the other day I got a syringe and would give him grape flavored ProPel water by gatorade, about 1 oz at a time every hour or so and then sooner as long as he kept it down. Just enough to keep from getting to dehydrated. Dogs can go down really fast when dehydrated yet some vets say they can go awhile without food/water. Not if already dehydrated though. I would recommend going on petpeoplesplace.com forum you can get some good advice with people with same breed or problems. They also make something called Rescue Remedy for anxious/nervous dogs you might check into.
I am glad everyone is giving their sm
opinion. I value that. I told in the past to work with us. If it is a specific thing, like a late movie, concert etc we can be very flexible, but to just hang out at someone's house or ride around town it is not necessry to be out past 1 a.m. Her 21 year-old sister agrees with me which is surprising. Her friends don't have curfews, but they also did not get into college either. I told her she can bring anyone home. She told me these are not the kind of people you bring home. Last night I caved in and told her 2 a.m. She did come at that time but I kept waking up untl then. I got up at 7 a.m and it is now 9 a.m and she is still sleeping. I have to admit at19 I did not have a curfew but I was always home by 1 am because I know my parents expected us to be respectful. THANKS AGAIN.
I never knew they had that! Thanks for giving
me JUST ONE MORE snack to try!!! LOL. 
What about just giving from the heart?
Why put such a price tag on something so trivial? Jesus is the reason for the season!
Received none, but instead of giving one (sm)
which I planned on doing, after seeing something on the news about them, I just decided to give cold, hard cash (no complaints, btw). Anyhow, the news story said that stores profit greatly from them since people lose or forget about them, or buy more than the value of the gift card. So, I decided to just buy 50 one-dollar bills for my son's GF for a better effect LOL.
And that is precisely why they are giving it to
They are trying to stimulate the economy. They WANT people to spend it. They don't want you to put in in the bank. That's why they are not giving it to people who have money.
Re handing out money to people who don't file... that is incorrect. They do file. They just fall below the income amount to pay taxes.
I would prefer to be in a tax bracket that gives me less of this handout than one that gives me more.
Anyone giving up anything for Lent??
I'm going to be brave and say no to candy for the next 40 days!
Gift Giving
I just got married in July 2008, bought a new home, and am now expecting my third child in April 2009 so we ourselves have had many blessings this year but our financial situation is also pretty tight. We will not be buying gifts for anyone but our children. Our family will receive homemade treats this year. We still like to do something nice for them because they have done so much for us this year and every year but we don't have a lot of money to play with.
In my case, we take care of our obligations (bills, our children, etc.) before we worry about "gifts". We feel that providing our children with things that need and the love that they deserve is more important than any material gift will ever be. Our family understands our situation and is very happy just to spend the holidays with us without the expectation of a gift because honestly the quality time with family is the biggest gift we could give each other.
In my opinion, you should just explain the situation to them and let them know that you will not be giving gifts this year. They may take it hard but they will get over it. You have to do what you have to do. Gifts aren't the real reason for the Christmas season anyhow.
Good luck to you!
Giving birth at 70?
A 70-year-old woman from India claims she has become the world's oldest new mother.
Rajo Devi and her husband Bala Ram had wanted a child in all their 50 years together.
She claims to have given birth to a baby girl at the end of November after having IVF treatment. Her husband is 72.
OK, I'm giving it a try again, except for the shoes.
I cleaned my sink last night and will keep that clean. Got up this a.m. and got dressed and ready for the day, which does indeed make a difference in my attitude. The only thing I won't do is wear my shoes in the house. This is something I've never done. It's not a cultural thing, it's must a me-thing. I'm always in socks in the house and keep my Crocs by the door for quick trips outside to mailbox or garden. The only time I wear shoes is when I'm out and about. This is something I've done all my life, and it just feels very weird for me to have shoes on in the house.
I would think 15 is good if you're giving her something else with it.
However, $90 for cut and color is inexpensive? I live in a pretty expensive area and basic color generally runs around $35 to $40 and cuts are not always $50+. I'd say she is expensive but if she is good probably worth it.
Respect or giving up your free will.
If she wants to go to church, and have that church a major part of her life, why should she give that up. He shouldn't have to go if he doesn't want to either. Sometimes divorce isn't a sad/bad thing.
what are you giving your child's teacher
I was thinking some sort of gift card...I'm sure she is overloaded with trinkets and Christmas ornaments, etc. Any creative suggestions? 
MERRY CHRISTMAS...
Fox still has not announced if they are giving any money....sm
to the cause. Notice that they keep wanting people to donate, mentioned corporate sponsors but not once have mentioned any contributions they will make. They also have no mention of this on their website.
Good for you for giving it your best shot.
 You obviously found something that attracted you to the man since you are with him. Any and all relationships require work. We are each different individuals, and in order to live together, need to find the balance that makes each happy.
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