Please read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. It can save your life. NM
Posted By: deb on 2009-01-31
In Reply to: Yesterday on my break at our local mall when I - Did I dodge a bullet?
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PS: It might save her life, too.
I once had a landlord who, when his son was in high school, bought the son the kind of car he wished HE'D had as a teen - a fast, racy, brand-new muscle-car. Then one day, with a bunch of friends in the car, he was showing off, going too fast in it (as people in muscle cars have a tendency to want to do), and wrapped it around a telephone pole.
Incredibly, all survived with only minor to moderate injuries. The car was totalled, as was the telephone pole.
Not only did the kid learn his lesson, the dad did, too. No more car. If the son wanted one, he had to get a job and buy his own. The kid spent the rest of his high-school career car-less. He bought a used bike, and rode it a lot. But they lived up in the hills where there were big fancy houses, but no bus service, so he had to rely on friends all the time. If he went on a date, he had to take the bus or go with friends.
When he finally had the money for a car (roughly his 2nd semester in junior college), the one he bought was old and beat up, but he treated it like it was an expensive new car, and from what I hear, hasn't had so much as a parking ticket since.
Google "The Secret" and you'll see. It's about how to get what you want out of life, bus
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Life is too short to live it in fear. I'd rather sleep in my car -sm
than with someone who mistreated me either physically, OR 'just' psychologically. And even if the kids don't actually see anything happening, you better believe they're still picking up on the bad vibes.
The fact that he mentions killing HIMSELF, in addition to you, is a major red flag. If a person reaches a point where they actually talk about doing something, they're alot closer to doing it than when they were just thinking it to themselves.
Guns in the house. (Guns, pleural!) Not good. I'd have insisted those be gone before the wedding day, myself. (Haha - it'd be in the prenuptial agreement that I'd never get married without!)
Anyway, living in fear for the sake of the greater financial 'security' of having 2 incomes is no security at all, in my book. It's a huge sacrifice of your freedom, peace of mind, & safety. The greatest security you can give yourself or the kids is finding a way to provide for yourselves WITHOUT the 'help' of an abuser.
Save the Cheerleader...Save the World...
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No! Then it's a used gift. Ask to read it after the giftee reads it. sm
Or get your own or check it out at the library.
I read it nowhere - I lived life in many big cities
where they will most definitely confirm, most girls do not report rapes.........in the big urban communities..........and even in small-town America.
RU a parent? *curious question only*
I have a life, a BIG one. Read my post below and you'll see.
k
Thank you! I appreciate you ALL sharing your life's stories with me. I read each sm
one and loved them! I think Chubby explained exactly what I was looking for - I think I DO need to watch what I eat PLUS exercise. I will start today! haha
Thank you all! I have NEVER stuck with anything long term so this will be a challenge. I appreciate your input!
Don't have to be stoned to enjoy life. Read the OP
OP said society frowns upon "escaping reality" and should it not be ok to "feel good." I was answering OP, her words, not mine. I do not have to escape anything. I do not consider illegal drugs "cheap entertainment." I have never done and don't care to do. Yes, I am very unusual. I have a wonderful, happy home, no stress, no husband troubles, no children troubles, no financial stresses, do what I like, enjoy my job and don't have to have "little cheap entertainment."
For a real life-changing book, read The Last Lecture. nm
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I have a life, a great life at that. I just happen to include my canine family
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Office; Life on Mars; Lost; Life; Pushing Daisies
nm
This is my fear also . . .
10-15 years from now they will find some horrible side effect.
re: fear
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore.
Psalm 121:5-8
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7
re: fear
Fear is a tool that satan uses to keep us from doing what God is calling us to do. It is also actually sin cause it shows our lack of trust in the Lord. I'm not saying it will be easy to let him go, just that God will comfort you when you trust in Him....
Lovin Jesus,
Jan
why fear it when you won't know it??
:) I am about to turn 28 and I am already losing mine... I know I'm going to get Alzheimer's and that makes me SAD (SUPER sad), but im not afraid of it...
a little fear
can be a good thing, like pain...it tells you something is wrong.
There's a book called "The Gift of Fear," written by Gavin DeBecker. This is from the book jacket: "True fear is often a signal that can save your life. Are you listening?..." This is from the publisher of the book: "Through dozens of compelling examples from his own career, security expert Gavin deBecker teaches readers how to read the signs of impending danger by using their most basic--but often most discouraged--survival skill: intuition. This book provides a unique combination of practical guidance on leading a safer life and profound insight into human behavior."
BTW, I've read that one of the worst things women do (I'm totally guilty of this) is to sit in the car after coming from the store or post office or wherever, reading mail & balancing checkbooks while sitting in a parked car...perfect opportunity for some slimeball.
You did the right thing: Trusted your gut.
d.
"The Shack"...sm
Has anyone read this book "The Shack?" I have heard rave reviews on this book. It is said to be lifechanging. I bought this and am on the 3rd chapter.
"The Gods Must Be Crazy" ! - nm
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or - "The fall alone will probably kill ya!"
Is this Boliva??
"The pope's nose"
No idea where this came from, but it's what my mother always called it.
If no fear, then what exactly is there to be 'against'?
X
I bet then he sensed his fear
Dogs can sense that a mile away. I know mine can. whenever anyone comes over that is nervous about dogs, the dogs wanna hang all over them and like double sniff them. LOL
my worst fear right now is that even
if I have cash in my hand, it will be worthless, and might as well use it as TP.
not one single fear
zero, zip, zilch, nada...
we are born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. the rest we create or obtain on our own later in life. me: none, other than the two i was born with.
I got married out of fear. Then (sm)
I stayed married out of fear. Then he bought me a GPS and now I'm adventurous. Not being able to navigate was one of my biggest fears. Another fear was not having money. The way he spent our money, we never had any anyway.
that has always been a fear of mine..
that I would spill the grape juice or something.. I always feel like I'm soooo shaky with those little glasses..
Any to think they can save us also-
There was a rescue dog who had the boy scout's scent and sniffed him out today. That dog is really in his prime now, smiling for all the cameras. So happy - see how they can turn out to be out bestest friends!!
It actually does save me a lot - sm
I make enough to almost fill two five gallon buckets and those two buckets will last me about 6 months.
House full of teens, one of them who is very sensitive to a lot of perfumes in different detergents.
My own home made laundry soap seems to get the clothes a lot cleaner too.
It took awhile to get used to not seeing the soapy suds as you do with other laundry soap tho.
how do you save
I know that it sounds like a stupid question, duh, don't spend it. But how do you get over feeling sorry for yourself when you have plenty of money, but you tell yourself no, or you dole small treats out to yourself, but it make you feel worse because you did not stick to your goal? I am chasing my tail!
Or...take notes from Dwight from "The Office" (sm)
Dwight Schrute: Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years... which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique; it's like slapping someone with silence.
Dwight Schrute: I was shunned from the age of 4 until my 6th birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
SHUN THE OFFENDER!
Yeah, but I don't think "the rod" has to be an actual weapon (sm)
I think it means to teach your kids the right way to behave - you are the parent, you be the boss, the teacher, the leader.
Am reading "The Mothman Prophecies" about this
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"The Cleaner" with Benjamin Bratt on A&E and
anything with Benjamin Bratt.
Does anyone remember "The Gathering" with Ed Asner? sm
We used to watch it religiously every year. I can never find it on TV anymore. Then, of course, there is "A Christmas Carol" with George C. Scott - the best Scrooge ever!
Alton Brown's "The Chewy"
I've tried all of the chewy chocolate chip recipes out there, and this is the best by far. The recipe calls for giant cookies, but for Christmas, I make them mini-sized, using about 1 heaping teaspoon of dough per cookie. They bake faster, so watch them carefully. I also add pecans to the recipe. I've made them with bittersweet chocolate chips and macadamia nuts, too, and those were INCREDIBLE.
Be sure, however, to really take your time creaming the butter and sugars. And let the melted butter cool to room temperature before mixing with the sugar. The creamed butter and sugar should be thick and fluffy and smooth, almost but not quite peanut butter consistency. If it's not, the cookies will go flop when they come out of the oven, and they don't look as pretty. They still taste great, but they aren't high and pretty.
I can't get the link to post, so here's the URL: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/the-chewy-recipe/index.html
your fear should not hold him back.
I understand your feelings, but this seems like a completely reasonable and good trip being planned, one that could mold his mind/heart for his future. Your son could make a very positive difference in many others lives. If you haven't already, learn to trust God.
I understand your fear! I have three sons between
17 and 20 years old. Now and then they talk about enlisting, and of course I worry about the draft. For selfish reasons, I want them always to stay close to home, where it seems to be safe. But it's a very high calling to serve one's country, and I would support that decision if my sons decided upon it. If the draft were brought back, I'd be terrified. I do not support this war. I don't think it was the right thing to do. But I do support the people who serve and respect their decisions and am incredibly grateful to them for their sacrifices. I will also continue to support them by doing whatever I can, small though it may be, to help bring them home AND keep peace for us all. I wish it were a simple thing.
As for our children, the fact is, once they are 18, they can make the decision to join without our consent. Talk to each other, love her and appreciate her. If she decides to serve her country, you do not want to part in anger, and trust me, you will want to support her in any way you can.
I think that's probably a common and rational fear (sm)
I can't stand it and I imagine most people, especially females, but also males, don't like it either.
Fear, not respect. It's not the same thing.
And the fear only lasts until they are bigger than you are and can hit back. You'll probably be surprised when that happens and can't imagine where it came from, but you're the one who taught them that violence is an acceptable way to deal with problems. Some other things it teaches are that it's OK to pick on/bully/hit anyone smaller than you who can't defend themselves in order to get what you want and that once you're an adult, anything goes.
Think about it. You spank a kid for hitting a sibling while telling him it's not nice to hit. You break the hair brush/ruler while paddling your kid for breaking something but you suffer no consequences for breaking something. What you get is confusion and fear, but not respect. Maybe the kid turns out OK; after all, there are other influences in his life. Maybe he doesn't. And if he doesn't, I hope he doesn't have a gun.
Phobia means fear.
Everybody throws around the word homophobia, but that is not the right word. People who are against homosexuality are not afraid of it. They think it is wrong. It's just annoying to keep seeing this word used in this way.
Ain't no way on this earth I am going to live in fear
You all are really lacking a lot to have this man rule your lives. If you were a man I would tell you to man up but both of you lack a backbone.
another great way to save
The extra money towards the principal is a great thing to do, especially when planning on being in the same home for a long time. Some companies also offer a program where payments are made bi-monthly, with the first one being made two weeks ahead of the due date, which also winds up with a lot of interest savings over time.
My best way to save -- my mom and I share
the "club card" for our local grocery store (we only have 1 in our little town). We accumulate the points together and usually qualify for the higher percentage off when it's time to cash in (20% off 1 bill rather than 5%). Then we pick a day we can go together and ring our order up together. Of course we use our coupons, too. We just went 2 weeks ago and qualified for 15% off our total bill. Before coupons/discounts, our total grocery bill was $550 but after our discounts, it was only $283. We saved almost $200 ---- unbelievable but true.
Before dining out, I check the website of the restaurant we're going to for coupons. They usually offer a free appetizer and that helps to fill us up so we can order smaller meals. We have 3 kids and my 2 younger kids share a kids' meal since they can never eat a whole one themselves. I also like to order water -- that always cuts about $5 off the bill.
Remember -- if you donate clothes to Good Will/Salvation Army, it's a deductible dontation, so keep track.
No way would that save me money --
we'd end up divorced and that's more expensive than a haircut!! LOL!!!
Ways we save
My husband has a 401K plan and we also have mutual funds. I had a very large retirement plan with my previous employer that we rolled over and invested. We're definitely not touching any of it, but it's nice to know if we got into a huge bind we'd have the money available.
let me save you some money
You are so smart and brave, and it is just amazing that at this point in your life you would strike out on your own with two children. You are amazing. You are right though about the boy. It is going to take every ounce of strength you have to keep him in line......so he doesn't turn out like his dad.......
I just hope she and "the dressmaker" get locked up this time.
nm
I hate the phrase "the patient expired"
I have never liked that phrase...makes me think of spoiled milk or something. We don't come with expirations dates!!
Try googling "The Stewpot" SHould find a link there,
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"The parents", the "older man". The welfare of child
tfd
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