Please don't feel guilty! You sound like a loving fur mom!..I too
Posted By: phillychick on 2008-03-30
In Reply to: I am so sad and feel guilty about my cat - Losing my furgirl
lost a cat this week, also about 18 years old. She was an outside cat who never came in but about 6 weeks ago she just walked in one day and never wanted to go back out, so I figured the end was near. I feel very guilty too, but I made her comfortable, stroked her, made sure she was comfortable. Hubby went out in the pouring rain/sleet to bury her under a cedar tree where our others are buried. When I told him how bad I felt about not being here when she died, he said she had a great life because of me and how much I cared for her. I am sure you were wonderful to her. Please don't feel so guilty! My gal, the day before she died, actually did go outside, it happended to be sunny for a bit, she laid down on the deck and enjoyed the warmth and caught the last bird of her life! For a cat, she went out on a good note!
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I feel so guilty!
I have 3 cats, 1 older and 2 younger and they have been out in the garage (the older one is brought in to spend the night in the washroom) since Monday and will have to stay there until next Monday because am having new tile put in my home. My heart just could break knowing those babies are so used to being in here with me and keeping me company. I am going to do something tonight that my DH would not agree with- but he is not here and I am. I am going to bring all 3 into the bedroom for awhile and put them on the bed and having a good loving session with them before it is out to the garage again. I hope they will understand.
I am so sad and feel guilty about my cat
My furgirl of 18 years died at my home about a couple of months ago. I do not know how to get over the feeling of guilt. She had a stroke several months ago, being blinded and deaf at that time but recovered from that. I tried all to help her , even spoon feeding to make sure she ate okay but was finally told by her doctor that her organs were failing. I knew the day before she died her end was coming because she only urinated 1 time. The next day I held her in my arms and she refused even water then and I knew her life was ending. What bothers me so much, even now, is that I did not hold her up until the time she died so she could die in my arms- I made her comfortable with a light blanket with her head supported on a little pillow but I am so guilty and sad. I don’t know how to get over this. What can I do? I loved her so much and now I feel like I let her down in her time of needing someone to be close. I held her for about 5 hours the first of that day but why did I not continue to hold her? I should have and now I am paying with loads of guilt.
Please don't feel guilty...
Your sweet furgirl knew how much you loved her, and you did everything possible to make her comfortable at the end. I believe that people sometimes wait until their loved ones leave the hospital before feeling free enough to let go. It may be possible that it was easier for her to pass on while she was not in your arms. Try to remember the good times and take solace in the fact that the two of you enjoyed years of love and companionship. My heart goes out to you!
Yes, you are right that we should not feel guilty sm
and that's the whole point of my original post. You have already gotten the point somewhere along the line and I am glad for you. For those of us who have not gotten the point yet, or are just now starting to get it, why can't you either be encouraging or not comment? As far as Oprah, I personally don't see her as being the same type of image as Martha Stewart or The View.
do not feel guilty
Do not feel guilty and do not second guess yourself. You know your daughter. And no, you are not over-reacting. If you feel there is a problem, there most likely is. I went through this same thing with one of my daughters. She had been a straight A student, triple-letter athlete, etc., etc., etc., and then bang....whole new kid. She couldn't wait to be out of our home. No one who hasn't been through this can fathom the gamut of emotion it involves. In the end, it was our responsibility as parents to do everything in our power to protect this child from herself. Yes, she hated us. She once went 3 full months without speaking to us (it was the most peaceful 3 months we had had in a long time!) but we started her in counseling and didn't back down. It took a very long time, longer than I care to think about, but finally started to see some changes in her. We discovered she suffers from a significant chemical imbalance that caused depression and once she agreed to start medications (she only agreed to prove us wrong), the change was amazing. We got our daughter back. She is now a successful professional with a family of her own. Point is, you need to seek professional help. She will resist but stick to your guns. If you do not seize every avenue available to you, you will continue to doubt yourself. My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult this is. I was lucky; for my family the counseling paid off. I now have a very close relationship with this daughter. I hope you find the same.
There is nothing to feel guilty about.
In a perfect world the child whose name was drawn would not already have a Wii, and perhaps it would even be on the top of his wish list. But we don't live in a perfect world. I'm sure the orthodontist who is awarding the prize would be just as happy to know that your child got something else that he really wanted in exchange for the Wii that he already had. A prize is a prize is a prize. I think you all are being silly for trying ot make her feel like she is doing something wrong.
Too bad they don't feel guilty ENOUGH to keep themselves from
going into Tiffany's, etc and buying that garbage - cripes!!
I hear you. I feel so guilty...sm
That I can't bring these cats inside. It's so much safer for cats to be indoors. I've read that the average lifespan of an outdoor cat is only 2 years, (because of cars, dogs, etc.) and I worry about them all the time.
I never planned to have cats, because I think they should be indoors, which I can't do because I'm so darn allergic to them, and because our dogs are indoors and are not at all cat friendly.
But then these 2 came along, and they're feral. So my choices were to either ignore them and let them continue to fend for themselves, call the shelter to come and trap them (but they wouldn't be put up for adoption because they're feral, they'd be put down right away)... or do what I did (trap, neuter, vaccinate, release) and take responsibility for their care. So that's what I did.
It's definitely not a perfect situation. We have considered making the cat house entirely enclosed so they stay in there. It is a pretty big area, but I don't know if that's a good idea or not.
Sorry for your loss,...don't feel guilty though (sm)
When I am sad about something, I have a tendency to blame myself - somehow I did something wrong, otherwise why would I feel so bad? I know logically that is not rational but in my pain I always find something I did "wrong." I sometimes think back to things I did in the past and I ask myself why I did what I did and why I did not do things differently. But occasionally when I have done that, I have gone back mentally and through through all of the circumstances and I realize that if given another chance, I would probably do things the same way again. I have a habit of second-guessing my past choices - as if today I am somehow a different person than I was yesterday. The truth is you were just as good a person during the time that your beloved pet's life was ending as you are now. There were probably reasons you did not hold her the entire time...you didn't know exactly when she would pass away, maybe you felt she would be more comfortable... you are good now and you were good then...as many other posters have said, you gave her a wonderful, loving life. Don't confuse your grief with guilt...you miss her, of course, but you did not do anything wrong. Take care
Kids have a way of making us feel guilty. SM
You could start a fund of giving your son money for doing things like helping with lawn work or cleaning or whatever. He could start a paper route, with you supplementing his income.
I'm just making suggestions. Again, don't feel badly. Agree with other poster about people using credit cards.
You shouldn't feel guilty because (see message)
you can't be really sure that is what she would have wanted. When my cat died, many years ago, she went away to be by herself when she died. We had to look for her to find her. Some animals just prefer to be alone. You spent time with her before she died, and then you made her comfortable. Perhaps it was easier for her to "leave" if you weren't there with her. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'd turn him in and not blink an eye or feel guilty.
We are the ones who pay for this. Just like the handicapped spaces everywhere that have people who don't seem to have a physical disability. And don't bother giving me the same old "you can't see my disability, but I have one" story. I know, bad back, bad knees, whatever. If you can drive to Wal-Mart and push the cart maybe you could walk a couple of more feet in the parking lot. You all know who you are out there.
Exactly - it's taking the time that makes me feel guilty too sm
Solution they are saying is to go to bestlife.com and sign a contract with yourself and then Oprah has a bestlife challenge with diet and exercise and other tips and an online journal, etc. In the past when I have exercised regularly, I found that I felt like I had more time, because I had more energy to get things done. So I am trying to get back to that again.
I am feeling very depressed this Christmas season. I feel guilty because I
would rather it would be over. I have no money to shop, and things in general are bad in my life. I am trying very hard to focus on what matters this time of year and what it is about. Anyone else having difficulty now?
Yes, guilt is my downfall. Now, I feel guilty because she has no life survival skills because I have
done everything for her...so now I blame myself about how she will survive because she has no idea what to do. I guess I didn't have anyone leading my way. I've been on my own since I was 16 years old and I made it okay. She calls me for EVERYTHING..how do I do this.. how do I do that and I know now it's time just to let her fall because she'll never learn how to pick herself up if I keep doing it. That's the hardest teacher..falling on your face. She even said that she feels different because she doesn't know anything other kids her age know how to do.. That right there should have made me STOP.. I have not done her any favors..When I thought I was helping her, I was just making it worse and enabling. I'm done with it. Thanks for listening.
I really feel sorry for you, you sound
so very angry, child-like in your thinking. You sound like you would stomp your feet if you don’t get your way. Poor thing.
All the above are why my loving
furkids stay inside. I have a bird feeder right outside my work window and they are welcome to come and look at the birds which they do but I love my feathered friends as well. I have this unsociable furcat next door who had the nerve to come in my yard trying to catch birds. I chase it off, folks here not supposed to let their animals run around anyway.
you are loving her
You are loving her by stepping back and making her stand on her own two feet. Loving someone does not mean enabling them to hurt themselves. Loving your child means pushing them out of the nest and letting them learn on their own. If you keep enabling her you will not be loving her as much as if you push her out. Praying for you....
Jan
loving pet
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. I'm glad you enjoyed his company and love for many years. This is the caveat of having our loving pets - it's so difficult to lose them. We will join with all of them one day, when it is our time...how could we not. They provide us with so much love and good company.
Pit bull or not he is a loving dog ...sm
who has never attacked and I honestly with all my heart know he would never hurt me. I believe in all honesty he would die to protect me to make sure I wasn't harmed if that is what it took. I know some pits have attacked owners and I believe these were either unstable dogs or abused or provoked. My dog has a respect for me also. He knows I am the boss and when I take a firm tone and let him know I am not happy with him he just bows his head and lays down. I didn't set out to own a pit bull he kind of fell into my lap you could say and I fell in love with him and he with me. I rocked him as a baby and nurtured him and he loves me with everything in him and I love him the same. My ownership of him just happened unexpectedly and I am so grateful it did. When I am sad he licks my tears and is so loving. I know other breeds are capable of this but CJ just happens to be a pitbull. I dont care. His breed is not important. It is the love in his heart. What is inside him. I don't judge a dog for what they are but who they are.
How to compete with a loving doting MIL.
I am jealous of MIL and Dh relationship. There, I admitted it. It was a huge red flag when we were dating but I ignored it. To start at the beginning I was jeolous. I wished now I would have listed but I didn’t I married him. Lived here in an appointment but he really considered his home with mommy who was 88 miles away. He would go every weekend leaving me here alone. I thought well, he is not married to me or anything I guess he is taking care of responsibility. He seemed obsessed on the family farm (70 acres) and getting that started. He and his mommy were working side by side to get “the place” fixed up. Occasionally, his friend and his wife would invite them camping so he and mommy would take a break with his buddies and camp. Not so intelligent me was sitting at home, alone thinking one of these days he will figure out what a wonderful person I am and he won’t have to cling to mommy so much. Boy was I ever wrong. He took my virginity and that made me want to cling to him tighter. I shamelessly chased him. Finally I told him that if he wasn’t going to marry me, I was leaving. He said okay, lets do it. Well we had a rush engagement. DH hated the idea of a wedding he had already been through that once. (This was his second marriage). He was not very cooperative and kind of rude but I did get my wedding. At some points in our courtship I thought it was sweet how he doted on his mommy I just wished I saw how dysfunctional it really was. I think my first clue should have been when he was late for our second date because mommy called him bawling because she and her brother got into a fight.
Anyway, it was so hard to keep MIL out of our business. MIL balanced our check books, dh would take me and MIL out of a drive, all outings included MIL. I told him that I think we should be taking care of our financial bus and dh said “no, mom knows how to do it and besides if I take that from her she won’t feel wanted. “ I asked, who did you marry, me or mommy. Well MIL is not in our finances anymore. She did used to go through our mail. I asked her if she was going to be a meddling MIL and she got mad and told DH and dh jumped my butt saying she is only trying to help and a few cuss words. (when the cussing started, I turned out). MIL was upset and she was going to take us to court. I guess she thinks she has rights to his money just like a wife would or more so. They did have bank accounts together, cc together.
Any, I cannot write a book. Just a long story short, I try to put up boundaries and I am the villain. MIL is not a meddler, she is trying to help, she is only being a loving, doting, graaaadmommeeee. To get along, I try to think of her as a break from the kids but the way she interacts with my children sends chills down my spine. First she would say that is her baby, she didn’t want her baby doing this or that. She did not want her baby to get sick so I couldn’t take her outside. She wants to sleep in their room so she can take care of them, she would take my oldest dd in another room and shut the door and undress. She wanted to take her to the public restroom, (It is like she thinks, DH child is her responsibility, I am just womb donor. It was driving me stir crazy. She and dh would buddy up on our outings and leave me feeling like a third wheel. And with DD, it was like she, DH and my child were just one big happy family. Gag. One time dh ask her if she wanted another baby, she said “I love babies.” GAG. Bad part is my oldest dd loves her. She wanted MIL to take her to school this morning, not me. She is 5 years old.
If I put up boundaries, or say that anything bothers me, I am the villain being mean to an old lady. MIL acts like such an abused old lady who looves me so much and I amso mean and trying to take her babies away (DH and the kids). Everybody says, she is so NICEEEE. I feel like I am in way over my head. We have been through counseling and the counselor said that he needed to put his wife first before mommy. DH thought that counselor was nuts and that he just wanted him to can his poor little old mommy. I have asked dh if he wanted a divorce so he can have more time to dote on mommy and so she can feel wanted and needed. He said no, I would rather have you here than her but he doesn’t understand why I am so mean. I have developed anger that I never knew I had in me. MIL I guess developed a sudden interest in psychiatry she says I come from an unloving, uncaring family. DH grew up happy. I guess that is why he was a teenage alcoholic, had 3 DUIs, got married the second he turned 18, had legal problems of course his mommy, being the loving mommy she is, would lighten the load for him and help him do community service. I cannot win. I want out of this insanity. I just don’t think I have anyone around to help me.
You are talking about loving the kids, right?
As an MT I on my own supported a house of 5 people, paying all the bills, including mortgage, cars, utilities- this was when hubby disabled on dialysis. Why would you want to stay with some jerk like that? I would not care if I had 10 kids. The other hubby died and I have a husband who never, ever puts me down. I live on Easy Street. Work part-time now, vacation twice a year, have most everything I want or desire. You can do better than crap.
I am loving these doggie-auggie
pictures- they are just too cute. I also do not know how to post pictures or I would show you my 2 fine male cats. They are real charmers their own self. Loving these, keep it up!
I am really amazed at how and question to loving ASR
speech (or the platform I work on) seems to sorta "take over" your PC. In other words, not only does it pick up what the physician says but I find that when I type a word wrong a lot of times it spells it correctly and these are words I do not have in autocorrect- have you also noticed this?
Oh, besides loving water, they also eat olives!
NM
I'm loving life since leaving MT.
.
I would also wear them, especially if you had a loving relation with her..nm
nm
Living in Georgia and loving it
Never have felt the need to move because I got frustrated, never. Moved from another state over 30 years ago and love where I live. I really hate when I see an overall blanket statement about a state being backwards. I find myself going on the offense when a person attacks a state in general when they perhaps are unhappy just for the person they are. I am sure a person can find fault with any place they might be brought up or choose to live but my community is very progressive, upscale and as much as I love to travel, hope this can be my home from here on. People make their own happiness and if you are unhappy either in your personal or business life, then perhaps you are just soured on the world, not where you live. If a person wants to move from my state, hey, just more room for the people who can enjoy their life here.
Loving these positive responses. Feeling much better about it now!
nm
I'll still be loving you - Restless heart
That was played at my wedding!
You are a caring, loving person. That has been obvious SM
from your posts for a long time to me. You are doing the right thing and staying on top of this. With your close eye and caring and with professionals on board I think your son has a bright future. Keep us informed. 
Be patient, kind, loving and understanding . . .
sounds to me like he is missing you and your mom/family life. He is probably hurting right now and needs you and for some reason he finds great comfort in being with you. My dad died 13 years ago and I loved having him around. I know your situation is different, but be the comfort he needs right now and I am sure this will end in time. He is looking for reassurance for something. Who divorced who? He is probably hurting a great deal right now even though he does have a new girlfriend. You won't regret being there for your father. Trust me.
THANKS -- great article -- loving your responses ! n/m
n
Guilty Mom
Well, you've already said what my feelings are which is, I would snoop if I felt that I had a reason to and I've always told my children this. Privacy goes out the window if something is wrong. But, you admit you did it just out of nosiness - oh well, none of us are perfect and we get a little "crazy" sometimes when it comes to our children. Good for her (and you) that it just confirmed her maturity and that she's a good kid (with obviously good parents).
As far as her relationship with her dad, I would not talk to her about what you've read, but maybe try to finagle (spelling?) some time for them to be together to get a little closer. I can say at that age, I pretty much felt the same way about my father and couldn't wait also to get out of my house. Ended up getting married at 18 straight out of high school. BUT, as I've aged, I've become very close to my father and realize a lot of what I didn't like about him when I was younger was just him wanting us to behave and being worried about us kids. So, in other words, you may not be able to do anything now to enhance that relationship, but hopefully it will grow on its own. Can you talk to your husband about this?
It's my birthday today, and I'm loving every single moment of it!
Sounds like Cedric is in a loving foster home!
Where do you live - that path looks gorgeous!
Just be supportive and a loving friend/family member - sm
My son jokingly tells me that I have Super Gay-Dar because I have had a few friends out to me first.
When my friend Chris came out to me a few years after high school, he was a complete wreck.
He called me up one night after I had not heard from him for awhile and the conversation went something like this.
Him: I really have to tell you something (I could tell he was shaking terribly and just sounded so upset and scared.)
Me: Okay.
Him: I'm gay. There I said it.
Me: And?
Him: What do you mean AND?
Me: Are you serious? You think I DIDN'T know? How many times were we BOTH checking out guys "back pockets" in the mall? How many times did YOU help me pick out dresses for formal dances? How many times did my parents let you come over for slumber parties all the way through high school? Do you think they let ANY of my other guy friends do that? Did you notice there were no other GUYS at those sleepovers?
Him: He has such a funny loud, barking laugh and he just started laughing and then crying.
Me: You wouldn't be you if you tried to be a straight guy. You're more fun this way.
Him: I just love ya girlie, You're my bestest bestest girlfriend.
Me: You're my bestest bestest girlfriend too.
And that was that. We still laugh about it. He can always make me laugh.
Torn Between Two Lovers, Feeling Like A Fool, Loving Both
nm
Guilty pleasures
Mine too! I love Y&R and I have been watching since I was a teenager. I think Phyllis is great! I would like to see her back with Jack though.
I'm not sure Nick is dead either. I guess time will tell.
Guilty all the time - why?? (sm)
I constantly feel guilty. If I exercise, I feel guilty for taking the time to do that. If I don't I feel guilty because I didn't. If I diet, I feel guilty for thinking too much about what I am going to eat and taking too much time for myself. If I take a day off from work I feel guilty, but if I don't work and and spend the day with my family I feel guilty for that too. What the heck is wrong with me? I wake up in the middle of the night feeling guilty. What is wrong with me??
OJ Found Guilty
Simpson Found Guilty on All Charges
By LINDA DEUTSCH, AP
posted: 10 MINUTES AGOcomments: 1245filed under: Crime News, National NewsPrintShareText SizeAAALAS VEGAS (Oct. 3) --
Thirteen years to the day after being acquitted of killing his wife and her friend in Los Angeles, O.J. Simpson was found guilty of robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.
The 61-year-old former football star was convicted of all 12 counts late Friday after jurors deliberated for more than 13 hours. He released a heavy sigh as the charges were read and was immediately taken into custody.
I agree his is guilty as well, I just wonder
why all of the sudden she believes her sisters now.
I have been guilty of the same thing
The best thing to do is just make a list and stick to it. Clothing used to be my biggest weakness so I try to avoid that area in the store since I have plenty of clothes. At craft fairs or anything extra I get to do (rare occasion anymore) I usually just take cash only. I went to an arts & craft fair 2 weeks ago and only took $50 cash. When it was gone, I just went home.
Rose, the good-hearted, animal-loving ditz!! But with
s
Morally-wrong things hurt other people. Loving
.
yes, i sure did andyou can't tell me he wasn't guilty. nm
;
sounds to me he is guilty. maybe he is having an affair and sm
wants you to divorce him and that is his way of trying to get you to do so. I would leave the SOB. No one deserves that sort of verbal abuse. Just my 2 cents.
Well, I'm guilty of giving neighbors' dog
he does come over our fence, literally climbs over, and comes into our yard and then our house. He goes straight to the kitchen, waits for a treat and then goes out the front door and to his yard. He gets ignored a lot so I feel sorry for him. He's so cute.
I'm feeling guilty and ashamed
I have a confession to make. Yesterday on an impulse I read my daughter's diary. She's sixteen, and she and I have always had a good relationship. I can't justify what I did by saying I suspected something. I was just curious, and knowing that she's in the beginnings of her first romance I was looking to see if there was anything - - romantic? Shame on me!
As it is, I'm happy to know that with a few exceptions that were rather minor (details of conversations, etc) she pretty much has already told me just about everything she wrote about. In a way, that makes me feel guiltier. What the heck was I thinking, betraying her privacy like that? It confirmed how much she cares about this boy - I knew that - said how much she hates her father and wants to get out of our house - knew that too, but not quite how much!
Now I'm going to have to monitor what I say to her so I don't let on I know these details. I want to talk to her about her relationship with her dad without letting on I know how bad she feels. At the same time, I'm really, really happy to find out that she's as good a kid as I have always felt she is, and so open and honest with me.
I guess I'll just have to chalk this up to experience and be glad I didn't come across anything I would have to act on like drugs or sexual activity or something.
Feedback, anybody?
OJ book and trial, innocent or guilty?
I saw the message about OJ and the book about whether or not he actually did the crime. What I would like to know from the MTers discussing this, did any of you watch the trial from start to finish? The newspapers, television shows, etc. most all the time fabricated parts leaning towards his part in this crime. I saw it all from start to finish, every single day and after that made my own decision regarding the guilt or innocence, not by what I read in the papers or heard on the news. The most important piece of "evidence" supposedly was the glove issue. The trial showed a receipt from a store from accessories. Never ever did they match a scanned number, price, date bought or whatever with the glove buying, but then again I guess most of you watched all the trial?
He's guilty as sin and I cannot read his obituary in the news
nm
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