Personally, if you feel like you have to work at your marriage,
Posted By: SM on 2009-05-26
In Reply to: Am I missing something? Working at marriage? - Sally
then you're probably the only one working. I was married for 19 years and it felt like work from year five on and I hung on and "worked at it" harder. I listened to my fanatically religious in-laws who loved to say "God hates divorce." My conservative Christian up-bringing agreed with that assessment and the Bible seemed clear about what were acceptable reasons for divorce. So I hung in there through mental illness, alcoholism, laziness, irresponsibility, financial hardship. One day, I woke up and 19 years of my life were lost.
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You know I must be trying to work on this marriage. sm
 I'm about to skip Desperate Housewives and surfing the net to sit next to my hubby who just cooked us up some popcorn so I can watch his favorite movie of all time, "Blazing Saddles." Lord help me.
You shouldn't feel this way so early in your marriage (sm)
Take it from someone who stuck around way too long and now has a much more complicated situation (children and money involved) - cut your losses now and find someone you are a better match with. It has nothing to do with your weight. Your husband should be treating you with lots of love and attention right now in your marriage...if not, something is wrong. You can find someone else who would be a better match for you. Don't wait until there are children and finances and so many other complicating factors keeping you there!! However things are at the beginning of a marriage, they will only get worse as time goes on. I know it is hard, I know you love him, but it is not going to work. Again, cut your losses now, and move on to a better future!
Same here. Married 25 years and it does not feel like work.
Perhaps we do work at it, and it just doesn't feel like it. But, I also have to say that both my husband and I are very independent, self-confident people. Even when we were dating, we did not feel the need to be with each other 24/7. We have very separate interests and pursue them to the point of even taking separate vacations at times. Early on we saw no reason to "compromise" and be only partially happy with what we were doing. There are certainly things that we enjoy doing together, but just not everything. We also decided early on to compartmentalize our lives and give certainly responsibilities 100% to the other spouse. He handles the money 100%. I handled the kids and the house 100%. That included delegation! So if I needed hubby to pitch in and do laundry, dishes, etc. That would happen. If he needed me to help with something that usually fell under this area of responsibility, I did it. I suppose that part is the compromise, but it doesn't feel like it.
We have friends who have been married just as long as we have, and I don't know how they stand marriage! Everything they do is together. They can't decide on a color of paint for the wall without big discussions. One can't go to bed unless the other is ready for bed, as well. That sort of thing would suffocate me and my husband. I suppose we're well matched, and so we're lucky.
Yes - does not work! Hoax if you ask me. MetaboLife doesn't work either.
The only thing that works for me is exercise and eating correctly! No quick fix, unfortunately.
I personally only used it twice, I think.
I HATED sitting in that line. I would rather just save the money myself and go buy it.
I don't know why they are closing it though???
personally,
i believe you might ought to go to the ER. They can help the immediate situation and/or refer you to the proper followup. You poor thing. I certainly sympathize. Some husbands just don't know how to be there when you need them most. There's surely also hotline numbers that could help, but i don't know them -- maybe in your phone book? You could also try a church counselor. But i really think the ER is your best bet, for comprehensive care. God bless you.
I did not mean that you personally were --sm
hiding your head in the sand, but that some people do and really are not aware of what is going on around them. The world is just not the place that it was intended to be or what it used to be 50 years ago, but this is all predestined, if you believe in what the Bible says. Nothing is going to change evil. It is here to stay and strengthen until the end. But I do believe that we have to be vigilent in order to protect ourselves from it.
as far as the media goes, well, I think they tend to over exaggerate other peoples misfortunes just to get ratings, and that is not going to change either, but as far as them giving this guy his 15 minutes of fame..he was already dead, so what does he care? too little too late. It did not make him feel any better now and hopefully he is already toasting his little toes, right where he should be. Just my opinion though and I do appreciate the fact that some people are tired of this stuff and care not to watch it on TV. You shouldn't have to.
Well I personally would not want that either
Was this your daughter's first wedding? And all you did was buy a dress and show up? Wow. My mom was there for all the planning, advice, etc., and she paid for it.
personally, I don't see how anyone has --sm
time to watch this stuff. I have to WORK for a living. I rarely even turn TV on much before eight at night, but for those of you with the time, glad you find them entertaining. Wish I could be in your shoes.
Not personally but my
My sister was visiting in Boston a couple years back and, on a lark, she and a friend went to see a psychic.
The woman was 100% on the spot. She recorded the session for my sister so she could bring it home and it was really interesting. Pegged our mother for being domineering and manipulative. Got the kids right, both my sisters kids and MY kids.. I was nowhere near there.
Told her a bunch of stuff about me too. Said I was the "fixer" and would be a loyal sister and friend for life.
Then she also mentioned our brother and said that he is much like our mother, though he refuses to believe it, and he puts on "airs" to try to make others around him feel like he is everything and they are nothing.
I would LOVE to go see this woman myself! hehe
I personally think
you can place the crystal and china any way you please - it's your home, your style. Decorate the way you like.
I personally think it went very well. sm
This is only the third time I have taught this class. I just fill in when needed. What made it so good was that there was so much discussion. Every person (10 of us)of course had pretty much the same idea about what heaven would be like as in no tears, no pain, etc., but they also had differing opinions about what we might see or discover. Most of us tend to think heaven will be a different experience for everyone. We won't all see the same things. Everyones heaven will be different. It was also very interesting sharing with everyone some of the posts from this site. No atheists in the class but they found some of the ideas of the ones here interesting so that lead to even more discussion. Several people told me after class what a good job I did. Honestly I didn't do much at all. It was just like on this board, I asked a question and it just snowballed from there. Actucally I was worried that I wouldn't have enough to fill up the entire class time but we almost ran out of time. Again thanks to everyone that responded.
I can't say that I personally see it...
in my day-to-day life (thank goodness!) but I do hear about it often from my husband. For example, 2 people he works with are currently having an extramarital affair...this will be the man's 2nd affair at this company. He got the other woman pregnant; they got caught; got fired; he got rehired! My parents and inlaws have been married forever also, as well as my sisters (but my brother is a different story...). I just know that cheating is all too common and it is a very, very painful experience for everyone involved. My DS just broke up with his GF of over 2 years because she cheated...broke my heart for him, but he's rebounding great...thankfully!
Not me personally
However, my best friend married a man 3 years younger than her oldest child. They are extremely happy and married 20+ years later. Some men in their 50s are like teens and some young 20-something men are extremely mature beyond their years.
I believe it is easier to date someone your own age (or approximately) and a better fit overall, but this would have to be an individual decision.
Lilly
I personally believe that there was some
sort of tragic accident and she panicked and tried to cover it up.
not personally, but
I have a male friend who lost 30 pounds using it. He liked the process, said it was easy, he didn't have to think about anything, maybe a little pricey but he lost the weight & has managed to keep it off.
I personally don't think that....... sm
it is not completely forgivable. If it were, then Jesus' death on the cross would not have been adequate to cover all sin (save blasphemy of the Holy Spirit) and we would all be in a pickle. I'd be interested to know what the OP bases her statement on...chapter and verse, please.
Personally, I think
these things are more interesting reading the a lot of what ends up on this board.
I'm too tired to come up with a list right now, but when I do, I will post. : )
Personally, I don't even consider
smoking pot (or eating, vaporizing, whatever) an attempt to escape anything. I don't do it anymore, and I feel physically horrible most days because of it. When I smoke pot, not only do I physically feel much, much better, I am not demotivated in the least. Because I am feeling good, I am able to get much more done than I otherwise would be able to do.
The only reasons I avoid it are A) I have underage children and I do not want them confiscated; and B)I learned that my state now has a zero tolerance drugged driving law (which simply means that one does not need to be impaired to be found guilty, but is based on any detectable level of the drug or its metabolites in the blood or urine). Notable to me is that some other states that also have the zero tolerance drugged driving law do exclude marijuana from it. I believe North Carolina is one of them. I also find it outrageous that there are people who are attempting to subject citizens to roadside drug testing, in the form of a roadblock similar to seatbelt/insurance roadblocks. No probable cause required, just testing everybody. Many of these people are those who make money off of drug testing and have, in the past, successfully lobbied for workplace testing. A very scary violation of citizens' rights, if you ask me.
well, I do not mean it personally, but
after all this was a competition and Gilles or Melissa deserved the crystal ball, not Shawn, sorry!
I personally like TracFone
I just bought a new one at Dollar General a few weeks ago after not having a cell for a few years. It was only $20 for this cute little Nokia with a built-in flashlight, and when I activated it online and registered with an email, I got 80 minutes free. I had a phone number in 10 minutes. You never lose your minutes but you do need to buy new minutes at least every 2 months to keep your phone number, which works out to $10/month. I've had TracFones on and off throughout the years and I've always had a good experience.
I personally don't consider this harassment
If he had actually made a comment about your breasts or some other part of your body, then yes, I would consider that sexual harassment. Since you stated he simply asked if you had found a piece of clothing that fit, I would not agree that this is considered sexual harassment. Honestly, it sounds like you're just being overly sensitive and taking his comment way out of line. I mean if he had made the same exact comment about a pair of shoes or something, would you have been offended?? I agree that it was none of his business, but not something he should be fired over.
Personally I'd have the surgery
I know it's a scary situation to be in and a big decision to make but I would do everything I could to take away the doubt that it might some day come back. Of course there are no guarantees but I'd put the odds in my favor.
I personally like the lizard better. nm
nm
Personally I see nothing wrong with it, I did - sm
My DH's proposal was less than romantic, he had been waiting an hour for me and my family to show up at a restaurant (he was early) and by the time we got there he was pretty toasted. He said we should get engaged before we moved in together, which we were doing in about 2 months and my parents knew about. So the next day I figured he would not remember a thing. He surprised me by saying, well are we going ring shopping or not? We did, though we did not get anything that day, did the next though. We chose it together which I think is the best way to go about it. I had his input on (1) how much he wanted to spend, and (2) what he thought would be nice-- a marquis (he knew I did not want a solitare--but he leaned towards filagree and I do not like that, which I made clear). So together we looked until we found one we both loved and were happy with. The next day he sent me a dozen roses though with the note saying "Will you marry me". To this day he jokes that he never actually said those words to me. Then he told me what he wanted to buy me for my wedding band, a band of diamonds to match the accent diamonds in my engagement ring; and I have wholesale jewelry contacts and was able to order it at a 1/3 of the retail and also his wedding band which he picked out for himself. --Your BF needs to get over it, sounds like his ego is hurt though. Good luck.
did not mean you personally Hayseed..sm
I did not vote for 'em either, but unfortunately have to pay the price for ill made decisions in the present and the past. I know an awful lot of people who did vote for this regime though and are sure crying the blues now! Wish they had gotten smarter about 30 years ago! I know we have differing opinions on this subject. I do not agree with abortion one bit, but I do agree that there should be no government making our decisions for us...male or female. Unfortunately, I do think this country is too far gone to get it back to the true democracy is was meant to be.
I personally don't like Lakisha...sm
She has no personality at all! Does she ever smile? Yes, she can definitely sing, no doubt about it, but you do need more. My dh and I cringe when she's on. She's very robotic and unemotional. We like Blake and Jordin! We used to like Melinda until she started looking like she's 45 years old. She's in a league of her own, though, and will definitely go onto succeed, but not as a pop icon. She reminds me of Barbra Streisand with how professional she is.
CHOOSE not to take it so personally
The key word here is "elderly" - remember she is the one with the ailment - and she's not THINKING this might hurt Kimmie's feelings. She's frustrated with the problem and the fact that what you got didnot work for her - and she's probably being considerate in paying you.
Have you considered that you may be looking for reasons to be offended?
You can CHOOSE to see this whatever way you want. If you feel real hurt was intended then you deal with that directly: Aunt ___ I felt a bit hurt by your response to ____.
COMMUNICATION is a great thing when we do it - and it always takes at least two.
Good luck! P.S. what was the stuff you got her? I might be able to use it!! :)
Not personally myself, but a friend of
mine has used them and she says they work well. She has a cat who is older and having a problem with constantly scratching and hurting herself, so she uses them. Also, try putting catnip on the post or anywhere you want them to scratch. Maybe it will be help. Good luck.
Your welcome! I personally think Kambrya's a
.
I didn't know him personally
But he was not that great looking back then and not that into the ladies - he mostly dated one girl throughout HS and is still married to her today. She was not that great, either. LOL!
Isn't it funny what money can do?
I also went to the salon where his dad worked as a hairdresser for many years.
LOL
Personally I did not use tampons until after I had -sm
sex (17 almost 18) and was in my first year of college. My roommate used tampons, I had never tried them. I got my period at 12. The thought totally freaked me out, as I am sure it is freaking her daughter out. It was uncalled for to discuss that in front of the whole class. The teacher should have spoken to her privately, and the girl should/could have explained why she was not able/want to use tampons (first period, etc.) The teacher should have a bit more sensitivity and should be called to the carpet for it.
Fascinating! I personally have not seen
anything (but wish I had) but I had recently been reading how various astronauts and pilots have reported seeing "things" in space. It's all been kept very hush hush by NASA. Hmmmmm . . .
Personally, I would never agree to this.
It will impact your relationship one way or another.
If it is truly temporary, hold out until May. If it is not temporary, move now.
If you knew me personally you would know that I do sm
not try to keep up with the Jones'. Far from it, to be honest. This post all started when I was really shocked to see that others had to leave certain areas in the ward whenever she wanted to visit the common area, etc. And then to suspend 2 docs for checking out her chart. I just found all of this odd to me. I am not obessessed with celebs. And when Di died? I really could have cared less. I mean, I was sad, but I didn't watch or read anything about it!
Personally I don't plan on becoming one of those - sm
old ladies who has the super short hair all puffed up and look more like a boy. I am with you with keeping hair long, though I don't know Meredith Viera (don't watch much TV). I personally know of two women, one 59 and one 76 who both have long hair, and I mean long, down to their waists. I think it is great. My hair is down to my waist too, though I am only 42. I am with your husband these other women are most likley jealous. Enjoy your hair and don't let the harpies bother you. It's your hair, your head, and you are the only one that needs to like it (I am glad your DH likes it of coure, mine loves my long hair). Next time they comment just let them know it's your hair and you like it long and that you do not need their input on the matter, your hair length is your business nobody elses.
Personally, I think that kids should
go to school and not be homeschooled. I don't mean that as a bash to those who homeschool. It's just my own opinion.
Personally, I think it needs to be on their terms - sm
My son is actually my stepson. I have been with his father since my son was about 7 years old. I always had a little suspicion but stayed quiet. I figured if he was, he would eventually "come out" to us.
He was actually about 17 when he called me one day from school and asked if he could just come home and talk to me. We sat for three hours, just the two of us, and he spilled everything.
It was absolutely heart-breaking to know that he was so terribly uncomfortable with his "secret life".
You love your kids unconditionally. It was a little hard for his dad to understand, very hard for his grandparents to understand but he needed to be himself.
The only thing I can offer to you is that you need to let it be their timing.
If I had asked my son about it directly, I think it would have sent him over the edge emotionally. He just wasn't prepared for it because he wasn't sure what was going on with him either.
He knew that I had gay friends and I was okay with that so I think this is why he chose to talk to me first, rather than his mother or his father.
I know it was a very difficult thing for him and I just told him that I was so proud of him for having the courage to be himself.
He's not perfect by any means but I love him the same as the rest of my kids.
He will soon by 25 and I am just as proud of him as I am my of other kids.
Personally, the whole idea of having sex with many SM
different woman, supposedly under the coverage of marriage and reglion sickens me. The fact that innocent children are born out of these so called relationships and are raised under this influence and marry at young ages makes me want to cry. The whole dress and hair thing is another issue altogether. They said today on the Today show that is is just a way of keeping them isolated and under the control of the men. 
Personally, I have neighbors who are sm
teachers. The rule in the high school here is that Cell Phones are to be turned off while the students are in the classroom. If it rings, it is confiscated. I totally agree with that rule. School is for learning, not text messaging, etc. However, in case of an emergency, of course, they should have the ability to dial out in an EMERGENCY situation.
Personally, I would consider it lucky that
your 18-year-old wants to live with you. Most kids these days want nothing to do with their parents. I would not even consider putting my BF above my kids in any situation.
I don't have a pitbull personally
But I do know that they can be well-tempered. A lot of the time, the problem is having more than one. Dogs have a pack mentality and if one decides to bite, it sets the others off and they tend to join in and things escalate.
That is such a terrible, sad story. What a horrible way to go.
Not personally, but last year my mom and
stepfather went to a funeral of a good friend of the family ( I literally was too depressed at the time and was afraid of what it woud do and stayed home) and they were both so shaken that my mom was actually afraid to go to bed that night. She said the daughter of this man came up to them and advised they not look in the casket because he looked so bad. My mom and stepfather later went up and were sorry. This man died of medical complications and not an accident, but the swelling in his face apparently was so bad that it completely disfigured him. The wife of this man wanted it open and did not leave his side.
I personally don't know the statistics, but -
I'm certain that not everybody who was not circumcised has problems. I chose not to have my son circumcised. Thinking of inflicting that kind of pain on a baby fresh out of the womb gives me the willies. My son's 19 and has never had a problem. My first husband also. There is the thought that if God didn't want there to be a foreskin, why is it there?
Personally, I would not look the other way. I would not allow the friend
to have his mistress at my house and I would not allow the friend to use me as his alibi. I know you don't know the wife and probably don't know the friend all that well, but I have always felt that we women should be looking out for each other. Whether the friend has reasons to be unhappy with his wife is irrelevant, he is married. If he's that unhappy, then he can get a divorce. Screwing around is just cowardly.
I would make my stand to my husband and to the friend and say it ends then and there. If he wants to come to town to see his mistress, then he needs to stay somewhere else and not use you and your husband as his alibi. Let him know if his wife calls to check up on him, you will not lie for him. Personally, I would tell the wife exactly what's going on. It will hurt her and come as a shock, but in the end she will appreciate you for respecting her and her marriage.
personally I think you are making sm
up most of this stuff to get a fight started. But in case you aren't, I really feel sorry for you. A person who only cares about the "things" they have and can accumulate is a very very sad miserable being.
Its very obvious that you do not like people, are very unfriendly and only care about what you can get. I have news for you, it won't be going with you when you leave this world and the things don't keep you company either. you are pathetic!
Personally, I wouldn't
put anything about being 'hot' on my plate or about my specific age. The only one of those I like is 'fun 4 her'.
That would definitely not be enough for me to consider it a marriage. sm
why do you all think you need some obviously lame guy to complete you? Is it just youth and hormones?
marriage
You are so fortunate. In this day and age, everyone is all about "me". My husband has no CLUE what it means to "work as a team." He simply cannot grasp it at all. He does what he wants to, when he wants to and how he wants to, whenever he wants to. If I ask too many questions he gets angry at me. I am now figuring out 15 years later that I made a pretty big mistake by marrying him. However, we have three beautiful children, and the one thing we do agree on is that they need both parents to raise them. My husband would argue the color of the sky if he was in the mood. He is contrary simply to be contrary. I give up. He gives me the information he thinks I need to have. I don't ask him for anything anymore because he absolutely will not do it (help with getting everything done, i.e., housework, paying bills, makign phone calls, etc.). All of the concerns I had before we got married (which I did bring up to him) have come true. I should have known it. People just DO NOT know how to work together anymore.
marriage
I think we are raising our sons to be "mama's boys" and not be the proper leaders they need to be. Plus, in this day and age of no boundaries, children have no guidance and absolutely no direction. My husband does not have a plan from one minute to the next. It is absolutely crazy. he cannot set a goal and reach it if his life depended on it. We just wait to see what he is going to do next. I honestly never know what he is going to come up with. He absolutely adores his children, and they feel the same. I have seen what divorce does to the children, I will not do that to mine. But sometimes, I just want to scream. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have asked him to go to counseling, but he doesn't see a need (he has everything he needs). I will teach my children what to look for in a mate and the warning signs. Hopefully they won't have the trouble that I have had.
Marriage
Marriage is a relationship that you have to take care of each other first and always. He should always think about what makes you happy and you the same. You both should be covered at all times. There needs to be ongoing communication so you both can determine what makes things work for you. Most marriages fail because people don't want to talk and would rather "mind read" or assume. You know what they say about assume. You should always treat your spouse like he/or she is the most important person in the world and is first in your life. If you have someone that takes advantage of that and does not appreciate it, then that is not the one for you. Ignorance and immaturity takes kindness for weakness. A mature man or woman knows that that is how they should be treated and how they should treat their mate.
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