Okay, girls, I need some insight here on a personal level. (sm)
Posted By: Wondering on 2007-01-31
In Reply to:
I have not had a man in my life for the past 3.5 years. I have tried dating and get asked out all the time, but just no interest in the ones doing the asking I guess. I have a very comfortable life and truly am in no need for a man to take care of me. However, I have known this one particular man for over a year and just very recently our friendship seems to be heading to a different level and for the first time I am very attracted to him. So, the other day he e-mailed me and both of us came clean on our feelings. The problem is that he has had his present girlfriend for the past 7 years...they do not live together and really spend little time together, as their lives are significantly different and when asked why he simply states "it just isn't working out and that he could make more time to see her, but he doesn't"
Okay, so now I know I am going to get flamed, but where do you think it goes from here? Both him and I have a seminar to attend with another man in 2 weeks and will also be staying at the same hotel, etc. and I am just so confused as to how I go about keeping my distance but still wanting him. What to do, what to do......this has been on my mind all day and so has he and I am so not use to these feelings at all....like high school all over again.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
On my own personal level, I am sick and tired of the caveman, and
most of the time look away and/or mute when he comes on. Secondly, the gecko bird reminds me of an old 'friend' who turned out to be as cold blooded as a reptile, nasty tail included. Thus, I would like both removed from advertising forever....honestly.
No excuse for this level of entitlement no matter what your stres level or financial situation is!
We need to stop making excuses for people feeling the need to be ahead of everyone else. It is called being RUDE. Just my two cents.
Having a pet is a personal choice and it should be kept on personal property
nm
Just a little insight --
I quit writing in my diary when the real stuff started happening. I don't think my mom ever read my diary, but when I started dating, I quit writing. I figured a paper trail probably wasn't a good idea. I did, however, keep a box full of love letters that probably would have given a very accurate timeline of my romantic escapades.
As for your situation, it sounds like you know your daughter pretty well. Just watch her mood swings, etc, for signs. You'll know when -- my mom definitely knew.
Some insight
The information provided about the time-consuming paperwork, etc. probably should be a hint to the rest of us that those people who choose that way of life rather than work have reasons other than laziness for living that way.
Kind of reinforces in my mind that our society needs to do so many things differently and realize there are even more important things to be taught than math, reading, and science.
Bless you for having to raise 6 kids! :)
i appreciate your insight
im glad you pointed that out... it is about him for sure, i like that he is enjoying himself.
i suppose i just hear so much about 'GREAT' sex... i just feel like that part im missing out on, even if he is not?
when i said i dont physically respond, i didnt mean i dont act like im enjoying it (and sometimes i am enough)... i meant... like the actual ... i dont really want to be graphic, so i just meant i dont physically get excited... like what happens when you are being sexual. sorry to be like a little kid, i just dont want to sound dirty!
yes i have thought about seeing someone... didnt know if that sounded dumb :(
so thank you
Thank you for your wonderful insight
I'm just sorry that it's coming from personal experience. So much of what you say does sound like my son. I have definitely zoomed in on the impulsivity of his actions. I had brought that up to the child psychologist and he said that it's something to watch to see if he grows out of it. I'm not expecting that to happen. I manage the best I can and it's from day to day. When we go places, sometimes its good and sometimes not. It seems when we all go together, it doesn't go as well. I'm guessing because he's not getting as much of the attention as he would like.
I'm curious how you feel about the injury your son is doing to his siblings. I feel so guilty and sorry for my son's actions towards my other children, but how do you deal with that? I don't want him taken away from us or locked up, but yet I know I need to protect my other children. He doesn't act out all the time. In fact, this week is the worst he's been all summer.
No alkies on either side of the family (thank heavens for small blessings). Although, I do believe there is some bipolar or other type of mental illness on my side of the family (aunts, cousins). I got some real kooks for relatives. I've mentioned this to the child psychologist also, but he doesn't seem overly concerned about my son's actions. He almost acts like it's something he will outgrow or something that can be changed through behavior modification. I'm not that optimistic. I personally think it's just my child's temperament. He's always been difficult, even as an infant.
Well, I can't deal with this anymore tonight. I'm off to bed. My son is having a sleepover at his great-grandma's tonight and I'm sure he'll be fine. She says she "don't take his sh!t and he knows it" I wish he felt that way about me. At least I can count on a peaceful morning tomorrow! Thanks again for letting me know I'm not the only one. It helps more than you can imagine.
need some insight into son's behavior
I wonder if anybody has any insight into my son's behavior and performance in school. His dad and I have talked until we are blue in the face and we have also left him alone and have given him space regarding his grades. Neither causes any change. He just keeps telling us he doesn't care about high school and that it does not matter. He has no respect for the teachers (not many of them take teaching very seriously, in all honesty, so I can't much blame him for that) and he doesn't feel like he should try since they don't.
This is a kid who scores in the 98 to 99th percentile on standardized testing. He is SO smart, friendly, outgoing, quick-witted, and for the most part respectful. He doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs. He plays guitar in the praise band at church. He is a good kid, but he just refuses to do his school work.
This has been a struggle for the past 4 years of high school. He is supposed to graduate in May, but the last 9 weeks report card came today and he got 2 F's, a D and a C. The 2 F's were gimme classes, believe it or not. If he doesn't bring those up to average a passing grade he won't graduate. It makes me sad, confused, frustrated beyond belief, worried, just to name a few emotions.
He says he thinks he has ADD but I think he just WANTS to have it so he can have a pass, so to speak. I think it could be some deeper problem, like our family dynamics, playing a role. Does anybody have any ideas on how this boy can be inspired to rise to meet even the smallest challenge?
We are at Level I
Now it's freezing rain. I could do without that, but I like the snow!
Thanks for your insight I hope he continues to - sm
get better and has no lasting liver damage. I will just have to keep an eye on him and if I see worsening (i.e. jaundice), get his butt kicking and screaming to the doctor.
Thanks for your insight when buying a house
I wondered that too if all the houses gone up that much. I know they did some remodeling since they bought it 5 years ago but we have done some remodeling in this house too (same kind of remodeling) but I won't dare think it would sell for 66% above what we originally paided for it.
Than again, I would have to get an expert to come through here and tell me what they think it might sell for. I have not a clue. 
My gut feeling tells me that they need to come down. I saw the new house they were moving too. It is a huge, two story, maybe $300K home. DH and I think they have jacked up the price on this other home in order to help pay for the one they are in now.
Then other things would have to factor in like property taxes, cost of utilities which I know all that would be more than what we are paying now for this little house we are in now. "sigh" Oh well, maybe one day we will have something bigger.
Older lady here, some insight maybe
I have a friend whose situation is 100% like yours. She does not care for her husband, tells others she doesn’t and is so turned off by any actions he takes such as the dirty talking, the fondling (which she says gropping), etc. I have heard this before from her as you are talking about. My friend also wants to withhold sex like you, tells me her hubby is complete turnoff. On the other hand, I am so much in love with my husband and he talks dirty and loving at the same time and I love it. If he wants to hug, kiss, whatever, I am right on the same page with him. He is probably the dirtist talking man I have ever met and love that also. No one else would ever believe me because he is very shy and quiet around others. I feel your situation is a direct result of how you are feeling towards your husband in the first place. If you truly loved him, I do not think his actions would be that repulsive to you. Probably if you could and wanted to salvage this relationship, starting with marital therapy might work but do you really want this? I see you and he as being in a standoff and that is not a good thing for any marriage.
I think I'm going crazy - need some insight (long)
Okay so I have been dealing with this issue for awhile, and I need some opinions, ideas, anything to verify that i'm really not crazy...
I feel like I have two sides. I've been married for two years, and I love my husband and know I'd be devastated without him. I love our little house and our circle of friends and everything that comes with married life. We are young at 23 and 26, but I've never been bothered by that.
But, there is another side of me that drives me crazy. It's the side that tells me to run for the hills, that this is as good as it gets, that from here on out life deteriorates. I don't know if I'm just freaking out because I realize I'm not getting younger or what. My parents never had a good marriage (they were divorced when I was 5) and they were married about the same time we were (except my dad was almost 15 years older than my mom).
I constantly feel like these two sides are battling it out. One minute I feel all wifey and considering kids and all dutiful housewife/MT, the next minute I'm freaking out just wanting to go grab a beer and party it up. Is this normal at my age? Is there something wrong with me?
My husband still enjoys going out every now and then, but not like we used to when we first got together 5 years ago. I think he's starting to want to settle down, and maybe that's what I'm afraid of. I don't know if I'm ready to just fall into a routine. I always thought life would turn out to so much more than that. I always thought my life would be exciting, spontaneous, filled with adrenaline rushes, etc.
On the other hand I absolutely love the commitment and safety I feel and have with my husband. I love knowing that the boy I fell in love with is my man for life (hopefully!).
Any thoughts would be great. I really worry myself sometimes. I really get tired of this constant back and forth in my head, and I feel like one of them has got to win soon or I'm really going to go crazy! I just don' t want to make any rash decisions that I would regret for the rest of my life!
Well at least it feels better to get it all out...
TIA
Yeah he is; my DH is too, but on a different level than yours - sm
Your husband hides it, that is a big sign of being an alcoholic. He drinks alcohol daily. These are 2 major signs; Google for the signs and I am sure you will find more. He is a functioning alcoholic; as is my DH. My DH does not hide it though; though he does hide the number of beers he drinks from the kids (for which I am happy) and from his parents when they visit. He runs off to drink in the bathroom when they are here. My DH know he is an alcoholic though I don't think he still quite believes it. He does not get really drunk though; or his body is so used to it he handles it well. I can only tell when he either gets really really talkative and won't leave me alone, or goes the other extreme and picks a big fight. Mine only drinks light beer which in his twisted mind he thinks that makes it okay because it is less alcohol, by what 1%? So he will down anywhere from 9-12 beers a night; has been doing this for the 12 years I have known him and at least 10 years before that. Yes, it causes problems. I get po'd because he forgets conversations we had, picks horrible fights and then "forgets" all about it and wonders why I am so upset, doesn't believe me when I tell him what he did/said---I think he remembers some of it just choses to act dumb because he knows he was such a jerk the night before. There is an organization for spouses/family of alcoholic, forget the name but it is connected to AA, maybe they can help. I've thought about it myself and may go one of these days once I find a meeting in my area. But they may be able to help you see things more clearly. You probably knew just did not want to admit it, it is easy to ignore and just hope he stops but that is not going to happen believe me.
We are at PANDEMIC LEVEL 5.
Look out! We might get a lot of working coming in. I suspect when the this flu hits secondary stage which is about 87 days we will be at full blown flu mode. Lucky you are at home. Beware, schools might be closing because of this threat of the flu.
To all you single woman, can some give me some insight? sm
i have recently ran my husband off after 16 years of abuse, alcoholism, and addictions. i have 4 kiddos by this man and have stood by him and tried to help him to no avail. it has been like another child to raise, not a partner. so it has been two weeks now and i am lonely, don't know why cuz at least i am don't have to listen to his *itching 24/7. everytime we do talk, it ends in arguing. my point is i want to stay single. i am not interested in anyone else, but am lonely. i have always been one to have a boyfriend or be attached. i don't know if it stems for insecurity or what. how do you get over those attachments and move on being happily single and raising kiddos on your own? any suggestions?
Now that takes constipation to a whole new level! - nm
I think it depends on the maturity level more than the age -
My daughter started going home by herself for 30 minutes in the afternoon in 1st grade. We lived in a rural community and only 1/2 mile from my parents home.
However, I did not trust my son to stay at home by himself even when he was 12. It was too dangerous even with careful instructions on what he could and could not do, becuase he would always manage to find something he should not do that was not covered in the could not do's!
Blizzard-like conditions here in Indiana. Level II. SM
Level II means no cars on road unless absolutely necessary. My son was sent home from work. Calling for 8-10 inches of snow. It's the blowing snow that is dangerous.
Wait, there would be professional sports, just not at the level we see now, you know what I mean? nm
nm
i agree. I thought the knowledge level was very poor
nn
Is fireplace on same floor you want to heat? The heat will rise up from a lower level unless you
s
Sent you a personal msg. nm
s
A little personal but
when my hubby and I want some "alone time" the dog can't stand to be in the room. If we don't realize the dog is in the room and we close the door, he lays at the door and cries to be let out.
I have nothing personal....
against pit bulls in particular. I think all dogs can be dangerous given different circumstances. I don't think it is right to single out a particular breed and just take away an animal from its home without just cause.
However, my elderly mother, who suffers from MS, has been plagued by horrible neighbors with many dogs. They do not keep their dogs in their own yard. Not only do they tear out my mother's trash, but they use her back yard as their own personal bathroom. Their one dog bit their own daughter and nothing was done. They are always barking at us when we are in my mother's yard. I had one come at me and I picked up a shovel that was thankfully near me to protect myself if the dog continued it advance. Their little dog frequently gets under my mother's feet and her balance is not good due to her age and medical issues. We have called the Humane Society and they will do nothing.
I personally think that people should have a right to shoot any dog on their property that shouldn't be there. If it weren't for getting in trouble for animal cruelty, I would have shot any or all of the neighbor's dogs in my mom's yard. A 60-some, widowed woman with health problems has no rights to keep destructive, mean dogs off of her property but hey....don't shoot a dog or you will get fined and maybe even jail time. Sad when a mut as more rights than my mom.
Any irresponsible owner shouldn't have a dog no matter what breed. I will get off of my soap box now. LOL.
This may be to personal for some of you but...
How is the economy crisis effecting you?
Your budget, your retirement, your family, your FRIENDS families.
How is it effecting the circle you run with? Do you discuss this with family or friends?
It is effecting my family. The gas thing alone is cutting our budget! My youngest started college and is driving back and forth. I've called my aunt who lives close to the school and asked if he could stay with her a few nights a week to save gas money. The drive for him one way is 1 hour. It has already saved us $$$. The fact that he can't find a job isn't helping either. There are no jobs for young people. Even in fast food!
Food prices have effected what we eat! Have you priced CHEESE lately? A 2 cup packages of shredded cheese cost more than a gallon of milk! Food has gotten outrageous.
We have our primary home and we have a small cabin that we go to on weekends. Our primary home is paid for and has been but we do have a mortgage on our cabin. LUCKILY and by the grace of God, we are in a fixed rate situation but it's still difficult. Did we spread ourselves to thin? Sometimes it is tough but we budget and try to be careful with what we spend. Our payment is nowhere near the $1500 per month mortgages people are talking about - and at that price point with an adjustable RATE - I don't know how people are living.
Also lucky that we do not have credit card debt. I've read where the CC companys are raising limits to increase spending while increasing the payment interest as well? I see more and more credit cards being used at the grocery store.
It's all just very scarey for me.
We have some friends who are building their dream home. They have worked and saved for 15 years. The economy is blessing them in some ways since there are a lot of people looking for work but hurt them in others as the price of materials skyrockets!
Really personal
I think it takes us all. :) Those with children and without. I have four kids to help make up for those who chose not to have any. :) I was in my early 30's before i decided to have kids. I adopted my 2 oldest, and then got pregnant with my younger 2!
why were you on his *personal* computer anyway? sm
It sounds like you already have a trust issue with this person. Since he is still your BF and not your DH, I feel you had no right to invade his privacy. Maybe he had viewed those things a long time ago, prior to you being his GF. Besides that, I learned a long time ago not to go looking for things, because inevitably, you will find it. You snooped, now you are hurt, and have a very different view of this person. Your relationship is probably doomed now, because you will not be able to get past this. I am sorry for both of you.
I just tell them I have a personal policy
related to telemarketing and take my number off their list. They have to do that by law once you tell them. Eventualy the calls do stop.
not personal, just in general...
So many nasty comments...the point of my post was (and this is the last post I'll make on the subject)a teacher won 10grand...woohoo!!! GREAT for him, a hardworking professional (and yes, underpaid) catches a break! I'm happy for him...end of story! Have a lovely day...
My personal experience has been that --sm
you get what you pay for. I have little trust in their products, although the prices seem good. There are other more reputable places out there.
On a personal note -
 Does anyone have any personal experience with subcutaneous lipomas? I have one the size of an egg in my left lower quadrant and the doctor says it must come out pretty quick; thinks it is attached to the muscle so open surgery is in my future. Anycomments or anything about it? I sure would appreciate it!
My personal thoughts
on the matter - - get out! My husband cheated on me the first time (at least what I knew as the first time) 24 years ago. We stuck together and he said he would never do it again. Well, 5 years ago, it happened again. I wonder now how many times did this occur that I did not know about, or find out about.
Can, but might not. I know from personal experience. nm
x
My personal observations as a
mom: I am in my 40s and grew up back in the old days when discipline for kids in school and at home was okay; however, methods used then are now taboo. It looks like *traditional* discipline (which I feel was not necessarily always sensible) has been replaced with an either hands-off approach (due to fear of lawsuits, retaliation, etc.) or extreme measures, as described in the above post. This brings to mind the question: How much more effective are we these days with these approaches?
I feel for kids these days as well as future generations - looks like they'll have their hands full, if society continues this way.
Not my personal situation but I think
a lot of the people you hear bragging about their refunds are those on some form of public assistance or single parents who are getting the earned income credit. Although I think you can get an advance on this, most do not.
Personally, I like to get around $2000 back for the year. I know I could be saving that on my own, but it's not always that easy. If it were in my account, I'd probably end up spending it. The small amount of interest I'd make on it for the year wouldn't be worth the stress of having to save it.
I haven't done my taxes yet this year because they're probably going to be a mess. We lost our house in a fire in October and were underinsured. Now we have to file some sort of tax deduction for that. It'll probably be more paperwork than it's worth, but we'll see.
just a personal opinion...
I think this can be a little tricky with kids. Children's imaginations are developing and they are learning so many new things, not to mention they do not always know the meaning of things or understand reasons for the way things may be done. Adults on the other hand, I think their dreams do mean something. I think it is their subconscious talking to them. Things they regress coming to the surface. I know I have had some kooky dreams before and they seem to take place when I am struggling with something. I wouldn't put too much into it with an 8 yr old, I have a child who is 10, sometimes they just have bad dreams at that age. If it is something that happens regularly or your heart tells you your child is struggling with something emotionally, it might be worth looking into therapy.
I have no personal experience....sm
with esophageal cancer, but I just wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear of this.
personal proof? does it have something to do
did ya see a ghost or just have one too many drinks??
It's a personal decision...
I researched this topic extensively and I came to the conclusion that circumcision was not right for my family. We've had no problems because of it. I can see why both sides have their opinions, but ultimately it is up to the individual to decide what's best. For us, no circ has worked. My child is very happy to be intact, as he was created.
From personal experience
I have a 16-yo son like this. I was like this in high school as well. School as we know it is dysfunctional. He probably is bored out of his wits with it all.
Being he is so close to graduation I have no real advice for you other than you have to let him do what he is going to do. If he fails and has to repeat the grade, get him into something like a homeschool program, be it either by you or through a district. Kaplan has one they do through lots of school districts around the country.
My 16-yo hates most of his teachers because they show that they are just there for a paycheck and do not care about him. The work is boring to him...most of it he could do in 8th grade. There is no help for students like this in our country's current educational system.
My youngest is 12. I have pulled him out and homeschool him for that exact reason. The difference has been amazing.
I think it should be a personal decision....
If a person has a medically documented terminal illness and does not want to suffere any more, then I think it should be their right.
Can I ask some very personal questions? Please don't be offended and you sm
don't have to answer. I would completely understand. but...
When you two got together I'm sure he wasn't exactly over the death of his wife, so how did he respond to you? Was he emotional around you, missing her, etc? At what point were you positively sure that he was in love with you and not still in love with her? I am only asking because of a personal situation in my life and I am curious about yours.
Thank you.
Having seen this whole thing go down up close and personal =
I have been divorced 13 years, had daughters 8 and 12 at the time, and his mother came first. She seemed to glory in coming between us - it became a game that I was not going to win. There's one thing that I don't think anyone else has brought up yet. Children learn what a relationship should be from watching how their parents treat each other. It became apparent to me that I did not want my daughters to chose a man who treated them the way their father treated me. It has been difficult and I have not had a life because my kids really had to come first and I had to work all the time to keep them comfortable - but I knew I had made a horrible choice and hoped that I could salvage their future relationships.
a believer in God, personal relationship with God
My spirituality comes from many places...
Mother Teresa said:
People are often unreasonable and self-centered. FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. BE KIND ANYWAY.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. BE HONEST ANYWAY.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. BE HAPPY ANYWAY.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. DO GOOD ANYWAY.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. IT NEVER WAS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY.
-----------
And that, my fellow MTs/MEs, is something we all should contemplate!
Have a GREAT week!!!
I am personal trainer in addition to an MT
so I am at the gym working out almost every day, and when I am not at the gym, I am on my home treadmill. I like to keep in shape and always have. I find that working out always puts me in a good mood (the endorphin release). I was always active in sports as a kid and have always been very tone and fit. I am also only 25 (26 in September), so my metabolism is pretty fast anyway!
From personal experience, do not stay
for the kids. They really do pick up on this. My oldest (she was 5 at the time) witnessed a lot of fights and other things that really upset her. Also, life is too short to be miserable in any relationship--especially if it has been going on for 3 years. If you have tried counseling and that did not work, then think at least about a separation.
My family told me, after the fact, about how down and depressed I was before I left my ex, and the 100% turn around after I left. It does no one any good to stay when you both are miserable.
sorry, this should be posted under Personal Ponderings
*
I never said my reliable source was personal - I DID get it from an
internet source - but it wasn't the one you found - obviously checking my sources - so you DO care - so you are just a hypocrite!
This is a personal subject between him and his wife.
First, I hardly think affairs are only a NY thing. Do you know all of NY office holders? If you believe stats, most American adults have had an affair. I don't think that necessarily makes a person not decent, it just means they're human and had a failing. Personally, I'm tired of God complexes in Government.
This is a personal subject between him and his wife. I wonder how many of us could live up to the scrutiny heaped upon politicians. I KNOW I couldn't. I've made mistakes too.
sorry but I don't recall asking for personal opinion
no offense, but I was just asking those with experience on the subject.
|
