OUCH! My husband is out of town so he asked me sm
Posted By: Regular on 2007-05-27
In Reply to:
to go to the pool store, take them a sample of our water and then do whatever the pool people say to do. So, our ph is down in our pool and we're supposed to add 10 pounds of alkalinity to it. No problem. Our pool is quite large - 20 x 40. I never add chemicals to them. That's his job, but we wanted to be in it by Memorial Day so I figure I could at least go and get whatever chemicals and then add them. No problem. Mind you, I am a huge klutz - accident just waiting to happen!
I begin walking around the pool pouring in this big box of chemicals. I go over the diving board, around to the other side of the pool and then I'm almost done. As I round the corner of the pool all of a sudden something horrible happens! My left leg completely fell into this huge hole and I go flying! I think I broke my left ankle! My husband forgot to put the cover back over the pool filter! What was he thinking?? So, there I was, all alone on the pool sidewalk, foot stuck inside filter, cannot move, elbow all scraped up and it is painful!!! OMG! I could not believe it!
So, I finally pull my foot up and it is completely torn up! It looks like it was stabbed with a knife in a couple of places. I'm not sure what it hit that made it look and feel like that.
I'm contemplating going to the ER because if it isn't broken it's at least sprained, plus 2 huge lacerations.
My husband, who has a sense of humor, will call me an idiot for not watching where I was going. But, who's the idiot who left the filter cover off? Not me! I'm glad it was my left and not my right so I can at least work while I heal....
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Ouch - my husband had to come clean to me too sm
I was very upset. Physically sickened, the whole range of emotional distress.
Then I realized that it wasn't just about him or about me, it was our family. The kids would really suffer.
Believe me, it was no easy thing for him either. I had helped him get out of a sticky financial situation before, right after his divorce from his ex-wife.
I thought everything was all good. I could not have been more wrong.
So after the initial shock of it wore off, we sat down and discussed the situation.
There were still tears of frustration, anger, and all of that from me but there were also some tears from him too, having taken it so far and keeping me in the dark.
He knew exactly what he had risked but realized it a little too late to fix it on his own. He had no choice but to come clean.
He was absolutely drowning in it but he decided it was better that I hear it from him, rather than having collection agencies start calling constantly.
Your husband needs to hear it from you.
Maybe if you printed these discussions and had him read through them it might ease it just a little.
I wouldn't expect miracles but wouldn't you rather hear it from him if the tables were turned?
Our marriage was pretty rocky before this happened too. It's still not the best but we are trying to make it work.
Financial infidelity is probably as hard on a marriage as cheating. The deception and sneaking around -- trying to cover your tracks. You may not realize the exact depth of stress you are putting on yourself with trying to hide this.
You said you love him. That's the biggest thing.
The crud will only keep getting deeper until you start shoveling.
Come clean with him and let him help you figure out what to do.
Telling him the truth is going to be the hardest part.
Good luck to you.
I met my husband in the small town I live in...sm
I was 17 years old and me and a friend were out cruising the town one weekend night. He kept following me and my friend and flirting and waving. Finally we got up the nerve to stop and didn't get out our car. He came up and introduced himself along with his twin brother. They flipped a coin to decide who would ask for my phone #. I gave it to him but it was about a month or two before he called. I actually had forgotten him. He called and refreshed my memory and the rest is history. We began to date and a couple years later married. We have been married for 11 years now.
I just asked my CPA-husband about this.
He says he has lots of clients who keep separate accounts, even to the point of asking my husband to figure out individual tax percentages on their jointly filed returns each year, so that they can reimburse each other.
As you might imagine, with a CPA for a husband, he's pretty responsible and keeps track of everything. I tease him about the pie charts and bar graphs that he makes to illustrate ever expenditure in just about every category he can imagine. He's done a great job of it, paid off the mortgage early, and made wise investment decisions. If I weren't married to him, I'd pay him to do my accounting!
But I have to say, I'm pretty unaware of the specifics of our finances. (Oprah would have a field day with me!) So we're the other extreme from couples who separate their money. I've done my own taxes just once in my life, the year I graduated from college. After that, and for the past 25 years, I've never had to do anything with the return but sign it. (Yes, I do look at the numbers, but I don't do the math.) I don't pay the bills, I don't make the deposits, and flame me now ... I rarely even open my own pay stubs when they arrive in the mail. I copy DH on my time sheets, and he double-checks the math. If there's ever a problem, he alerts me and I call the office and deal with it. (This has never happened at my new company, by the way.) Ask me how much my DH earns in a year. I can ballpark it, but I don't know the exact number. Go ahead, tell me I'm clueless and that I should be checking everything he does. I don't and I won't. That's his job and it's worked out just fine for over 25 years. He deals with our finances, I deal with pretty much everything else. In fact, he probably doesn't even know his own underwear size, though I'm sure he knows how much it costs!
So, since I'm at the other end of the spectrum, I don't think it's so bizarre for other people to maintain totally separate finances. What works for some couples, won't fly for others.
Husband asked my friend to sew something for him (sm)
He is very old fashioned and feels that all women should know how to sew. I don't know how, but of course can patch holes and replace buttons. So last night she told me she had something to give my husband for Christmas - a hunting vest he asked her to sew a bullet holder on for him. He often takes things to his mother and grandmother to sew but now even to my friend? I told her she should have just told him no but she said, No, I love doing things like that. About a week ago he had taken my sewing machine out of the attic and was going to give it away. I told him he couldn't give it away, it was a gift from my aunt and uncle. He said I never use it so why shouldn't HE give it away. I told him it wasn't his. Anyway, I'm just really aggravated right now.
Husband has asked for it for his birthday - in 2 weeks!
a
First thing my husband asked when I told him was...sm
Did she get married before it happened?
That is either the sweetest or saddest thing I have ever heard.
Ok, I just asked my husband, and he doesn't do it anymore because it stopped working
He said that he kept e-mailing them to get a new scanner, but they never sent him one, and their customer support is horrible. He said that he finally stopped doing it a few months ago because he gave up on them.
This town has been through so much. The same storm that hit the town of Enterprise sm
the high school where 15+ kids died when a tornado hit their school, destroyed this hospital in Americus, GA. The town was devastated. Please see this local news link to help them win an MRI machine. Thanks everyone!!
http://www.wrbl.com/index.php/news/article/sumter-regional-hospital-enters-contest/3057/
Ouch!
I'll bet she learned her lesson!
Ouch! I only got 7!
Turkey test...
http://home.aristotle.net/Thanksgiving/trivia.asp
Ouch.
Situations like yours are why we hear stories about senior citizens married 50 years getting divorced and then living in sin... because of the benefit and tax code "gotchas."
I am truly sorry to hear about your situation, and wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I have a 23-year-old relative who is disabled (and already on social security at her tender age), her only assets are a beat up car and a drawer full of thong underwear she bought when she was able to work, she's single, she has no children, she has no money--and she's not eligible for Medicaid? Excuse me? I can only think it's because she's not a pregnant illegal alien.
Yes, the system is screwed.
Ouch!
Have no legal advice to offer, but you might want to check with any Legal Aid agencies in your area, and even women's shelters. Maybe you're not being physically battered (at least I HOPE you are not!) but emotional and psychological battery can be just as damaging. Meanwhile, do you have a place to go when he kicks you out? Do you have your own bank account(s)? If not, suggest that be the FIRST thing you do. Any chance you could steal back the spare car key?
And of course I know nothing about your situation... but maybe if you don't act hostile or belligerent towards him, you can catch him off balance just enough to put yourself at an advantage; for instance, do NOT let on that you might try to steal back your spare car key! And then he might leave the keys lying around. Just don't leave YOURS lying around.
And if you have a place to go (be it a friend's place, or a relative's place), you might see what you can do about quietly starting to stash some things there, i.e. personal keepsakes, important documents, etc.
Again, only you know what you might be up against. But please, PLEASE come back often and let us know what's going on and how you are doing!
OUCH!!
Ouch. Yes, Romey is so right. They actually are
not getting declawed as vets would like us to think - its a big $$ maker for vets - but removing their bones - like taking our fingers off halfway at the 2nd or 3rd joint. I declawed 2 cats about 25 years ago - totally ignorant of the reality of it - and I have NEVER forgiven myself. And one of the cats - 2 brothers - got out accidentally and lost his life because he could not climb a tree or anything and get away from a neighbor's dog. Please reconsider. I have 2 male cats now - just over 1 year, and they do absolutely nothing damaging - one is fixed, one is not. We just have several scratch posts and a kitty condo, and lots of little toys. Can you hang in there and try just a bit more?
Ouch! That must hurt. Sorry.
a
LOL-OMG ouch! That would hurt!! sm
Anyway, I understood what you meant. This denture thing is all new to me. I never realized I would have to learn to eat all over again. It was more of a necessity than an option to get them. I have a full upper and a lower partial so it's only the top I am having trouble with. Feels better right now since Dr. ground down the annoying edge. Have to go back Tuesday and I think he will knock down the other side just a hair. Now, just to get the partial tightened up enough to quit popping out when I move my tongue...... Also, thanks for the tip on the Camphopenique. I'll try that!
Ouch, at 50-y/o....I'd run away screaming - sm
but as for abuse, no it is not abuse since it is a recongnized medical procedure unlike female mutilation.
Ouch! I'll say they hurt!
I've played paintball and it hurts through several layers of clothing. 
I don't know what the problem is either. My kids definitely have more stuff than I ever did. We got cable TV when I was in high school in 1983 and thought I had died and gone to heaven. Who knows what is going through their minds, but thank goodness for MY good kids, too.
Ouch! Poor kitty!
I know when I tore mine I was in agony...heck, even years later it still throbs and aches when it's cold and damp. I have absolutely no advice. I'm sure she's getting spoiled and you are taking great care of her. Just wanted to offer up my 'Get well wishes' for you both!
What to do when you are going to be out of town
of someone whose mother and grandmother are past coworkers?
We live in a small community and they live also in my neighborhood. This young girl was only 20 years old. She has been sick off and on all her life with kidney problems and even had a transplant a few years ago. Her father had given his kidney and then he passed away from an accident a couple of years after that. So tragic for this family and their losses.
What could I do for this family. My mother is going to visitation and will pass on why I couldnt be there.
What do you say to someone who has lost a child. I cannot find the words.
Are you in my old town?
I am jealous. As soon as we can we are going back. I miss people who really care and are genuine. We live in a "transient" town, growing continuously, construction everywhere, drugs, alcohol, plastic people, and Stepford Wives are everywhere. Gambling is legal here and all that goes with it are all around you all the time including those who live for it to the detriment of themselves and their families. We went to the DMV yesterday, could not get in, could not even park there after an hour of cruising around looking for a spot. It appeared that only one other person was an American that we saw the whole time. Most were illegal aliens. We have lots of casinos, construction companies, hotels, and lawn services who apparently are unable to properly "screen" them and isn't it great that they have all that cheap labor? Can't go to the DMV tomorrow, it is closed for Vets Day. Can hardly wait to try again. Hope there is at least one other "grandma" there when I get there.
We have one nice neighbor next door on one side - normal, kind, helpful, sharing, caring with a darling little child. Our other neighbor on the other side is a nut-case (and I am being kind here). He speaks to no one. He has a girlfriend now, thank goodness. I say that because before she arrived he removed all lawns, all plants, and just let ugly weeds grown in his yard about knee high. He landscaped the front now and there are flowers on his porch. He still sprays Roundup over the totality of his back yard every season, which is huge, about an acre, so dirt blows over here constantly. For years he just drove off to work (he uses a remote and cruises out, closes the door, and disappears. Like the Burbs. When he leaves he wears a wig (seriously)that is in dire need of thinning and styling. When he comes home it is the same with furtive looks left and right to see if anyone notices him. He is drunk a lot. We know that because then he starts going outside and spies on the neighborhood and he is then without his wig. Whenever we have a family yard project he gets on the roof and watches us. Barbecues in our yard or swims in the pool are not private either if he has been drinking. He likes to "watch." He yells at kids who are unfortunate enough to trick or treat at his house or go there to sell tickets to car washes for the school, etc. Cusses and threatens, they tell us. Says he does not want any rotten kids in his yard. He hates all animals and has been approached by the sheriff for shooting cats and shooting at dogs of our good neighbor from across two fences (my husband was in the line of fire one of those times and the jerk almost got him). He wouldn't answer his door and hid like a woman when I became enraged and banged on his door after that incident.
I want to move so much that I can almost feel what it would be like to drive off from here. I thought the old creep would "move soon" so we have never relocated to get away from him. That is obviously not going to happen and it is 20 years later and here we all are. We have to go outside with all our animals constantly out of fear that he may harm them. I guess he got into serious trouble for is escpades because he now tries to keep his animal hatred down to simply trapping any living creature that comes into his yard and then he has the pound come and pick them up.
I would give a lot if I could live in a community filled with people like yours and the funny part is that when I had that I don't think I appreciated it, just took it for granted. Enjoy your Thanksgiving with them and never move to a place like this! I can't wait to get out of here! Save me a spot for when my husband finally retires. I want three horses, chickens, a couple of cows and a pig. I will bring my three dogs and sit on the porch and be thankful for the friendly feeling!
Yes, my town does have and I have thought
about this also. The deputy police this morning told me he has served them before and also when swearing out warrant told by a person in the court had others that this company did same to. If no money in the morning, will definitely see about the television stations. I know I can garnish if I could only find out where they bank.
But you know, with Ms Little Flit Around Town
this probably will be bad for her. Now you and I would not be able to tell the difference as we work from home and stay home a whole lot, but her?? How will she pose from home - will they bring the red carpet to her? Oh, I really feel sorry for that poor little rich girl.
As kind of the new kid in town....
and a very rural town at that, I introduced myself to all my neighbors in walking distance and let them know who I was, gave them my phone number if they ever needed anything, and let them know I was gonna be bringing in some stinky animals and told them I would be doing my best to ensure they wouldn't stink up their joints. I couldn't believe how welcoming everyone was! People were genuinely happy to have farm-y neighbors and admitted they were worried when they heard we were "from away," as they thought we'd be tearing down the little house we bought to put up a McMansion or something. Neighbors even came by with carrots for the animals and asked if their kids could pat the horses and stuff. One family even invites us to their home for Thanksgiving every year because they know we don't have any family nearby and really can't leave the animals for any length of time. They give us hugs and welcome us into their home like we are their family. I can't describe the feeling--it's just awesome.
Now, when we lived in a condo in the city--out of about 100 buildings we knew maybe 3 of our neighbors. Imagine, packed in like sardines and we never talked to anyone. Rush rush rush, keep your head low and don't make eye contact. Darndest thing....of course hardly anyone spoke English as a first language there, but it was still weird to check your mail and have a bunch of people nearby and no one spoke--very icy. I'm so glad I reverted to bumpkin-like livin'.
Get this one, ad running here in town
It is a person supposedly in medical field and she is saying got a job at XYZ and says "see what X college have done for me." I want to call the place, tried to find a number- is that the way you want to be represented? Terrible English.
I am in a small town between
Abilene and San Angelo called Ballinger. My husband has relatives in Abilene.
also being from a small town...
I would call and speak to the principal directly about what you heard. You can do this anonymous if you want, just don't use your phone as they very often have caller id now. I think it is up to the principal to decide if the comments of your child/friends have any merit. The principal should have ALL information and he/she should go from there. To me, my first and foremost priority would be my child. As for this child being falsely accused of something...well...maybe his parents should have taught him to be prepared to deal with the possible consequences of his actions. All kids make mistakes but sooner or later this individual will have to answer for his remarks and take responsibilty for himself - from my point of view, the sooner the better. I would definitely want to know if my child was speaking to others in this manner. I would not want to jump to conclusions but if your gut feelings say to keep your child home from school, do it. Missing a couple days from school is not the end of the world and I am certain he will not be the only one.
In a town hall
In Denmark by the mayor of the town.
Now that I live in town -- 3
We've only been living in town for about a year now. In that time, I've only had to borrow an ice pack from the 1. We have also asked another neighbor to dog-sit for the weekend and my other neighbor I've known since I was in high school and would think nothing of asking her if I needed something (she's also my stylist). I'm literally right around the corner from the grocery store, so it would be very hard for me to ask for an egg or milk, etc.
When we lived in the country, we only had 2 neighbors, but I the last things I borrowed from them were lemon juice and eggs.
When I first got married, though, I used to live right beside my grandma and just across from parents. We used to always call one another for a roll of toilet paper. I don't know how we always ended up in that situation, but we did. I guess it was just part of the newlywed process for me (don't know about my parents and grandparents).
I used to live in a town of 200, but now (sm)
I live in a city in the southwest that I believe is close to a population of 1 million or will hit 1 million shortly. It was definitely a shock coming from a small, midwestern town of 200, but I love the big city! :)
small town.
x
that i'd never live in a town again.
i grew up in the city, married and then lived in the country for 20 yr. Said now one'd ever get me to live in town again. Then we moved to another state and couldn't afford a place in the country, with prices higher here. But its a tiny town and though i'd rather live in the country by far, its not that bad...
In my small town
He was a city boy from 12 hours away living with a cousin for a while. I was a small town country girl. We met one night after I got off work and met up with my best friend to go "riding" around. He was with a friend of mine who was his cousin's girlfriend. We got into her car and rode around together. He was asking my friend about me that same night. He finally called about a month later after some misinformation that I was seeing someone and we've been together ever since. I was 16, he was 19. Married 12 years this year with the three best kids in the world!
Did you grow up in 1 town or move...sm
and if you moved, how often and are you glad you moved? As for me, we moved every other year due to my father's occupation. There were 2 places I was very glad that we moved from and 2 places I would have loved to have stayed, the others were OK. When people ask me where I was raised I tell them "everywhere" because that best summarizes it.
What about you? Do you have a home town?
Nevermind the gift - take her out on the town.
Give that same gift of getting out once a month. Think of something new each month - and get her back into the swing of things!!!! Songs are just reminders of what she has just gone through in my opinion! Spend time with her. Call her when she leasts expects it. Make her do things that single people do (even if you are married explain the situation to your husband). I'm sure he can respect that you are helping a friend in need at this time. She'll get through it with your help. 
I agree. The footage I saw in a town in
Kansas was horrible. The tornado was 3/4 of a mile wide and wiped out a whole town. Horrifying.
I'm very sorry for those who lost family members, pets, homes, churches, and businesses.
This mother saying too big a town for driving through yet
I honestly can understand this as when my children first started driving we were living in a huge city and all the freeways around, not some small town where everyone knows everyone and I bit my nails to the quick. The mother probably just wants the child to get more experience under his belt before he tries such a trip and the son is lying to her and making this trip regardless. He and the girl both sound like they are too much into each other for things like school right now. It happened to me- son just did not want school after high school. Sad when it is handed to you on a silver platter.
Howdy! I am from a small town
between Abilene and San Angelo called Ballinger. 
Maybe the small town gal coming out in me,
but I'd help as much as I could. My mom's that bad with a computer, and after I got it straightened out for her when it was really bad..most of the time it's something really simple. She'll say something like that where her email won't come up and it's just that she's hitting the wrong button or has her number lock key on or something. I guess maybe you could ask yourself if you or your hubby were away and something happened, would they help you? If the answer is no, then by all means let them fend for themselves. Like I said, might be the small town gal in me, but we help our neighbors any time they need it and we're able to.
its school vacation in my town nm
nm
We have the best Goodwill store in my town
Lots of rich people in my area who donate their clothes to the Goodwill store. Designer brand clothes still with tags on or worn maybe once or twice. I usually have better luck buying stuff there than I do at any retail stores. Most of the shirts, skirts, pants are $4 or $5. Bought my daughter a J. Crew hand-knit sweater there last year for $12, originally was close to $100. Don't think it had ever been worn. My daughter is a shoe-aholic and buys her shoes at thrift stores. That skeeves me out a little though.
live in a town of <150. No zeros.
that's less than 150 people, 13 miles from nearest grocery, in the middle of the USA...and i grew up in a big city in CA. but whoohoo!! now we have a cell tower too. turkeys roam the yard every day. sometimes deer, right in town :) and we've been upgraded to high speed I/N as well. Living is good!!
My town has 25,000 people but when I first moved
here 23 years ago, it only had 5,000. We had a Tastee Freeze and a Chicken Country and that was it. Our town has gotten to big for our liking but the school system is excellent so I suppose we'll just bear with it for a while.
Walmart only game in town sm
I live in a poor rural county and Walmart is the only place there is to shop and is also one of the largest employers. This may be because they came in and killed off other businesses, but there is also Family Dollar and Dollar General which seem to be going strong. When I'm in there, which is probably 2-3 times a week, they are always telling employees to take breaks and I see the same faces I've seen for the past 7 years. I can't afford to shop anywhere else and if I could, don't have time to drive at least 1 hour one way to shop at Target, Kohls, etc. which is what I would have to do.
Unless I lived in the tiniest town, I would get
Unless everybody in town knows everything about you and all your personal business...(I live in a large city and would be mortified to receive anything like this), hire a private investigator.
Here's mine and NKOTB were just here in my town
Mine are the Backstreet Boys, although it's not much of a secret among my close friends. I've seen them 3 times and even met some of them. Also, disco music, especially the BeeGees, 70's music in general, and Barry Manilow.
Small town isolation
I have lived in small towns for nearly 40 years. Newcomers are not welcomed very well. I had a person at church tell me thank for coming to their church after being a member for many years. They are not a bit backward in ignoring you at pubic events.
Since you live in a small town
and you say people know your dog, perhaps you could leave your new address and phone # with several people. If he does show up, surely someone will contact you. Wishing you the best.
Does your town or city have a noise ordinance?
I am sorry, but I hate when people reside in one home, yet they feel they can just run the neighborhood. My parents had neighbors that cursed all of the time.
We just had (live in a townhome) construction workers building a new store in our town "squatting" in the townhome attached to us. My husband was furious. He called the landlord that owns the home. Now, we have at least better neighbors!!!
My daughter never wanted to go to college out of town,
thank goodness! Live in large city but still less than 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back. Blessing!
Our family does that. So many are out of town and addresses not readily available. (nm)
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