OMG you just described my entire marriage..
Posted By: KC on 2007-02-14
In Reply to: Help - Disgusted by husband? - Lisa
I am waiting for tax returns and I am OUT OF HERE!! We tried counseling, and for US, it just made it worse. We have 3 children..7, 8, and 10. They are sick of him too and have actually BEGGED me to get us out of this house. I know in my area there are a lot of "programs" to help in these situations and I am hunting them down!! Good luck to you and dont sacrifice your life to be unhappy.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
have had this my entire life........
I had always gone for yearly mammograms and sometimes with bilateral hand-held ultrasound (my opinion is that the latter is better because w/ultrasound they always show up and not so with every mammogram). I have never needed a breast biopsy either. I am older now, breasts much less *dense*- a word that the MD always used - and I do not go yearly but every other year. BTW, no family hx for me of breast cancer. Try not to worry.......you can Google this too if you'd like......
Even if you can't pay the entire quarterly tax
owed, I would at least send in something. Are you employed with taxes being withheld? You can also have extra held out for your federal and state for that matter. Even if it is only $20 a check, it would make a big difference.
So glad I did not have them their entire lives
because I had already raised my children and did not need to be raising stepgrandchildren and especially ones that had been left to fend for themselves and did not know how to cut up a piece of meat to eat it, no manners, nothing, took to Walt Disney World and they had never even heard of Snow White and 7 dwarfs but they sure knew about reefers, killings, rapings, etc. This is how they were growing up. I thank my lucky stars I am not in that situation anymore. I know personally of not only the neighbor who gets a check for her son being diagnosed as attention but also my cleaning lady, she also knows how to work the system, so she tells me and from what she has told me, I firmly believe it. Lots of people working the welfare systems yet.
I have watched this entire thing...sm
and yes, it does distress me and I feel so badly for those involved. But I guess I am one that wants to know why...about just about everything, I guess. It is not an *entertainment* thing, but an understanding thing. On the news last evening, they had a psychologist explain the difference between a psychotic person and a psychopathic person. Of course, he fit the latter, and according to this psychologist (a woman), this person was a psychopath by the time he was eight years old. That is truly hard to imagine! All of this is truly hard to imagine, but it is a part of life, as much as any good things that happen. The newscaster was defending their posting of this kids diatribe on the news by saying that if it elevates people to the point of correcting the wrongs that let this thing happen, then they felt it was worth it to air it. However, they did admit that perhaps airing it over and over again was not a good thing. Once would have been sufficient, and they also said that *copy cats* were reported after EVERY newsy story...i.e. there were some suicides recently, and suddenly a lot of copy cats showed up, etc. it is not just with this tragedy, but with all tragedies that are depicted on the news, internet, or other media sources. It just cannot be avoided. We cannot go back into the fifteenth century and not be aware. We HAVE to be aware, so we can learn how to cope in today's society. Hiding our heads in the sand is not going to stop it. There are other ways to prevent these things from happening and it is up to all of us to find those ways. Unfortunately it takes something like this to motivate others into creating change.
Would be nice if you read her entire
post. She was thinking it was now, not a couple of years ago. Gosh this is like passing on a story. The story just keeps getting twisted all the time and variations on the same story.
Have you watched the entire video of
Susan Boyle singing for the judges yet? The look on Simon's face and the other judges is priceless. I have watched it twice now and am just blown away. Her reaction to her own performance back stage was great!
In the early 70s, maybe 1972?, my entire
family got what was believed to be the swine flu. I was young and barely remember it, but my parents said they've never in their lives been that sick. I don't want it...
She extends her entire body and scratches every
door jam almost like she is marking everything as her very own. She is an older cat, so declawing is not an option. She is not an outside cat, but we have always felt that if we declawed her and she did happen to get outside that she would not be able to defend herself. She is a very good cat other than that like I said. She does claw the furniture a tad, but not as bad as the door jams. I can't even tell where she has clawed the furniture. She actually just leaves more dander on the furniture than actually clawing, so I guess we are lucky in that regard. She just really keeps me company, and I try to say "no" and scare her away from the door jams, but we have allowed one that she can scratch, which is in the entry to the area where her litter box is kept in the basement. We may be confusing her though. Thanks for all of your help. 
no, it was an entire roof (read threads *S*)..sm
power walking......see link here:
http://www.thewalkingsite.com/howtowalk.html
TIPS FOR WALKING FASTER1. Use good posture. Walk tall, look forward, (not at the ground) gazing about 20 feet ahead. Your chin should be level and your head up.
2. Keep your chest raised, and shoulders relaxed (shoulders down, back and relaxed).
3. Bend your arms in slightly less than a 90 degree angle. Cup your hands gently. Swing arms front to back (not side to side - arms should not cross your body.) Do not swing elbows higher than your sternum (breast bone). Swing your arms faster and your feet will follow.
4. Tighten your abs and buttocks.. Flatten your back and tilt your pelvis slightly forward.
5. Pretend you are walking along a straight line. Resist the urge to elongate your steps. To go faster -- take smaller, faster steps.
6. Push off with your toes. Concentrate on landing on your heel, rolling through the step and pushing off with your toes. Use the natural spring of your calf muscles to propel you forward.
7. Breathe naturally. As you walk, take deep, rhythmic breaths, to get the maximum amount of oxygen through your system. Walk fast enough that your breathing is increased yet you are not out of breath.
WALKING DON'TSCommon mistakes made by walkers... 1. Do not over stride
2. Do not use too vigorous arm movements
3. Do not look at the ground
4. Do not hunch your shoulders
5. Do not carry hand weights or place weights on your ankles
What is the difference in power walking, fitness walking, and racewalking?
Fitness walking is called by many different names - power walking, fitness walking, health walking. Power walking is commonly used to represent an exaggerated walking style. This style of overstriding and exaggerated arm movements is often linked with injuries. Because of this I don't generally use the term power walking. A better term for a healthful energetic walking pace is "fitness walking".
Fitness walking is much more than a stroll or nature walk. When fitness walking you incorporate the muscles of the upper body making it a GREAT aerobic activity. It burns approximately the same calories as running, yet it is much easier on the body. Because more muscles are used it burns calories much quicker than less aggressive walking. It also tones muscles in the buttocks, thighs, hips, shoulders, upper back and abs. Most fitness walkers average about 12 to 15 minutes per mile.
Unlike racewalking; there is no official definition. There are no rules. If you walk at a purposeful fitness walking pace using good technique you are a fitness walker. Use tips above to insure good walking form and to increase your pace.
never touched Kook Aid in my entire life....
.
Just spent an entire week in FL with brother sm
and his whole family - wife - 3 kids. To make a long story short, my sister in law does not like me. I'm about 7 years younger than she is. She is very jealous of my close relationship with my bro. Always. This trip she made it very clear how much she does not like me at all. I cried a lot this trip. My feelings have been so badly hurt. I've never done anything to her personally - she just hates me. My brother was very standoffish this trip and I know why. He has a very jealous wife. They would just get up and leave and not tell us where they were going or invite us. They NEVER used to do things like that. The whole time, if ever I had a suggestion for dinner or entertainment she would shoot it down with, "I don't want to do that!" I'm talking everything I came up with. What's even sadder is that they have 2 girls - my nieces - 13 and 15 - who used to love and adore me - their aunt - and this trip they were so ugly to me. I haven't seen them in over a year. We stayed in a 2 BR condo on the beach. Pretty small unit. They got the master BR. While walking to my room one evening the 3 of them (sister in law and 2 girls) were just berating me in gossip - talking about what I wore to the beach, the way I styled my hair, just stup*d things. Just gossiping so bad about me. I wanted to cry.
After I heard that about mid-way through the trip, I completely shut down emotionally. I only spoke when spoken to, didn't suggest anything at all to do, and was cordial, but not overly friendly like I usually am. Today when we left, she walked right by me in the hall and didn't say a word. Got into the car and they drove off. I had already said by to the kids and my bro. I cried when hugging my bro. He had his sunglasses on - he probably wanted to cry to. We lost our dad growing up and our mom pretty much abandoned us. We've stuck together until he moved out of state and started his family. I did too. He gets along GREAT with my husband and my kids.
What compels women to act like this? I don't understand it. Why would you want to live in your own prison of hate and bring everyone around you down? I can't stop crying! My brother lives about 2,000 miles away. I want to be close to him and his wife and kids. She won't allow it.
I know I have to just accept this is life and the way it will be. I am having a pity party. Can I say this eloquently without you taking offense? I am hating women right now. No matter how kind and nice I am, I always get slapped in the face. Always. I am a very kind and nice person. My mom always said I had wishbone but no backbone. I guess I just expect others to be kind, too, and when they aren't, I get hurt and I don't understand it. 
Not using the entire bottle of something and just opening full ones! SM
I have quite a collection of shampoo bottles with about 3/4 inch in the bottom!! Makes me mad at myself!
mine's been going through menopause his entire life nm
wal-mart...polaroid dvr...ebay...okay dokay
Howard's Vicodin. If your entire message won't display, then why
do they give you all that space??? STUPID!!!!!!!!!1
I found my entire family tree including
dates of birth and marriages, complete spouses names, etc., for me and my 3 siblings on someone's web site. Kind of scary that my DOB and full birth name, married name, spouse's name and our marriage date was on the 'net! (plus my parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, on and on). This site branched out into 6 different families and was traceable to the 1400s! So much for trying to hide from the stalker it took me 6 years to get away from!
Perhaps an entire cable channel devoted to multiples?
xx
I'm avoiding the entire holiday shopping insanity this year. - sm
My family and I have all reached the point where it's nearly impossible to find anything that the other person would really like or can really use. The last years have been just the stupidity of us all trying to buy gifts on a limited income, which after all the shopping-mall challenges, wrapping challenges, and Post Office lines (as everyone is scattered all over the country), just to send each other things that end up being white elephants, we discussed it and said, 'Why are we doing this?' I had come to dread Christmas time like no other time of year. Even tax time was better!
So instead, last year we said enough of this commercialism is enough. We just kicked back and enjoyed the season. Went to the ice rink in the city and looked at all the lights on the buildings. Wrote cards (with actual LETTERS in them, not just printed names & greetings, which in my mind are a waste of postage), donated toys/gifts to kids or families who really could use a Christmas gift, and maybe got a few small things for close friends. I cut my Christmas card list down to just a few close friends who live far away, family in other parts of the country or the world, and skipped all the ones on the list who haven't bothered to return a phone call, note, or email in the past 5 years.
I spent Christmas Day with my best friends, then decided to go climb the hundreds of steps up the steep hill to Coit Tower in the city, and marvel at the view of the bay on a clear winter evening.
It's amazing how stress-reducing it's been to give up the Holiday rat-race. A few years ago I 'went AWOL' from everyone and everything on Christmas Eve. Drove up to one of the smaller & less-crowded Sierra ski resorts, Dodge Ridge, which is kind of out in the middle of nowhere up in the mountains, at the end of a dead-end road well off any main highways. After a nice day of skiing, I timed my 2nd-to-last run so that I was the very last person to get on the chairlift before they closed it down. Once at the summit, with the sun starting to set (and my ears turning numb in the wind & snow), I took my time adjusting boots, poles, etc., so that I'd be the very last one down the mountain. And much to the consternation of the Ski-Patrol making their last day's sweep of the mountain to make sure everyone's gotten down okay, I took my sweet time doing that, as well, and was rewarded with an incredible sunset off in the distance in the West, even though it was still snowing lightly on the mountain. And it was incredible to be able to go swooping down the runs alone, without any other sounds or skiers.
On the drive back home, the clouds cleared and there was a huge full moon - (I believe someone said the last full moon on Christmas Eve for 30 years?) It lit up the snow in the canyons like it was almost daylight, and I pulled off the road a few times just to enjoy the view and the silence. (A TRUE 'Silent Night'!)
:)
This entire country is scary...surprised people still leave the house.
x
That would definitely not be enough for me to consider it a marriage. sm
why do you all think you need some obviously lame guy to complete you? Is it just youth and hormones?
marriage
You are so fortunate. In this day and age, everyone is all about "me". My husband has no CLUE what it means to "work as a team." He simply cannot grasp it at all. He does what he wants to, when he wants to and how he wants to, whenever he wants to. If I ask too many questions he gets angry at me. I am now figuring out 15 years later that I made a pretty big mistake by marrying him. However, we have three beautiful children, and the one thing we do agree on is that they need both parents to raise them. My husband would argue the color of the sky if he was in the mood. He is contrary simply to be contrary. I give up. He gives me the information he thinks I need to have. I don't ask him for anything anymore because he absolutely will not do it (help with getting everything done, i.e., housework, paying bills, makign phone calls, etc.). All of the concerns I had before we got married (which I did bring up to him) have come true. I should have known it. People just DO NOT know how to work together anymore.
marriage
I think we are raising our sons to be "mama's boys" and not be the proper leaders they need to be. Plus, in this day and age of no boundaries, children have no guidance and absolutely no direction. My husband does not have a plan from one minute to the next. It is absolutely crazy. he cannot set a goal and reach it if his life depended on it. We just wait to see what he is going to do next. I honestly never know what he is going to come up with. He absolutely adores his children, and they feel the same. I have seen what divorce does to the children, I will not do that to mine. But sometimes, I just want to scream. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have asked him to go to counseling, but he doesn't see a need (he has everything he needs). I will teach my children what to look for in a mate and the warning signs. Hopefully they won't have the trouble that I have had.
Marriage
Marriage is a relationship that you have to take care of each other first and always. He should always think about what makes you happy and you the same. You both should be covered at all times. There needs to be ongoing communication so you both can determine what makes things work for you. Most marriages fail because people don't want to talk and would rather "mind read" or assume. You know what they say about assume. You should always treat your spouse like he/or she is the most important person in the world and is first in your life. If you have someone that takes advantage of that and does not appreciate it, then that is not the one for you. Ignorance and immaturity takes kindness for weakness. A mature man or woman knows that that is how they should be treated and how they should treat their mate.
Second marriage
I'm planning to get married for the second time. My last marriage was 17 years ago and I've been on my own with my 14 y.o. son for almost 10 years. For my last wedding I dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's but I was so exhausted I didn't even enjoy the wedding. I think I have a mental block for wedding planning now because I never really thought I'd be doing it again. However, I have zero doubt that I want to be with this man. We both just want to be together and can't decide whether to just go on a trip and get married or have something small with our families and a few close friends. We think it would be nice to have our immediate families help us start our marriage off but I can't seem to make myself think about planning things and picking things out. Mainly I'd just like to wear a pretty dress (not necessarily even a wedding dress and definitely not an elaborate one). It seems if you start planning to have one thing it calls for another. I've looked at some of the wedding checklists and it makes my head hurt to think about picking out cakes, etc. I don't want anything tacky but I don't want to spend a lot of time on details. Any ideas? Also, what are your thoughts on giving your future husband a wedding gift. A do or not? Thanks so much for any advice you have to offer. I don't think we are going to wait long at all so I won't have much time to plan a lot anyway, which suits me just fine.
Second marriage
I live in Eastern North Carolina. There seems to be a lot of placed in Tennessee that look pretty romantic too. I'm browsing through those now.
Second marriage
Lots of great ideas. Thanks so much. I really like the iPod idea.
I think she needs to get out of the marriage - NOW!! (sm)
That could end up being a dangerous situation as well. I have had female friends from this type of cultural background who had to go into hiding from their own brothers to keep from being beaten to death for the crime of dating a white man. She really needs to get out now before they have children.
What is there to think about? Marriage...
is taking a vow.
vow
verb [T]
to make a determined decision or promise to do something, which includes not sleeping with other women and no cheating WHATSOEVER. He broke the Vow.
Marriage is a vow.
Of course I understand that marriage is a vow. Marriage is also a commitment. Problems that seem insurmountable sometimes are not, given time.
Before your marriage, did you or did you not....
Let your DH see you in your wedding gown?
Marriage Help
Am hoping to hear advise from other in my shoes. Been married 18 years and completely and totally unhappy. Husband doesn't beat me, is a good provider, just not in love any longer. Kids involved under age 14. Do I stay or do I go? Trying to stay until kids leave house but very hard - hard to even look at him. He has told me i am average but he love me, has corrected all my mistakes throughout the years, because only he and God are perfect oh but he loves me more than anything! A year ago he wrote me a letter that pointed out all my flaws and could not understand why I wanted him to leave. Please advise. I am so terribly sad and miserable and don't know what to do. State I live in very expensive and would never want to move my kids elsewhere. Hints on staying in an unhappy marriage would be great.
Bad marriage
Hi Done:
I left last September after 30 years. I am happy being on my own even though it means I must work long hours to support myself. My husband and I are separated, not divorced and I took no money from him.
The marriage was not so terribly bad - no physical abuse, very little verbal, but the interesting thing is that my children were way more aware of the underlying unhappiness than I would have imagined. I thought we never really argued - they thought the atmosphere was tense all the time.
I will say that I feel lucky that my youngest child is 17. On the other hand, she chose to stay with her dad (as well as my 21 year old son) and that was/is heartbreaking. But I did not have the right to choose for her. I moved into an apartment across the busy street from where I lived. My children can visit whenever they want.
It seems that my children are actually happier now too. Can you arrange a trial separation? The thing is, nothing has really changed in the situation between my husband and I, and it doesn't seem like it will. We both have an incentive not to make things final with divorce - mine is to keep his good insurance coverage, his is to avoid needing to give me any money.
I feel I had a lot of issues in the marriage due to the incest I suffered as a child and he had issues too. We just were not able to make any progress on this stuff in marriage therapy and neither of us has made any inquiries to each other about the possibility of trying again. And do you really think people can change? I just don't know. I think you have to really want to change. And someone who thinks they are perfect and points our your flaws all the time and tells you that you are "average" is probably not looking to change.
You deserve better for yourself. Just do it on your time and at your convenience. It is possible to stay for a while longer until your children are older. I thought I would wait until my youngest was out of school, but there was one of those "last straw" kinds of episodes last year and that was it.
I wish you the best. But just know that your children are aware of what is going on and do you want them to use your marriage as a model for themselves?
If it's you second marriage and the first one
Didn't workout - then don't spend ANY money on the second one. Save it for the divorce - LMAO 
Before & After Marriage..
Before marriage.....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
marriage
Once 39 years and we did not live together before either.
Marriage
I know what you mean about smothering. DH has several guys he works with whose wives won't do anything without their husbands. DH and I have always said we have very little in common except how we feel about each other. He doesn't ask me to get out of our warm bed at 5 a.m. in 20 degree weather to go deer hunting and I don't make him go to the beach with me in the summer and get sand in his shorts. It works perfectly for us. Our 24th anniversary is next month and we have 3 awesome kids. Definitely had our ups and downs but it's all been worth it.
Marriage
Well said. I was just thinking that. My husband just told me I have until the kids get out of school next week to get out. This all started over a milkshake of all things! Why are most men jerks? Looking back I have lost over 20 years of my life for a lot of similar reasons. Friends tell me the same info about God ect. But does God want us to be so unhappy???? That doesn't make sense to me at all!
Marriage
Living with someone is hard work, married or not. My parents have been married 45 years. My sister's marriage lasted just under 3 years. I've never been married but have lived with my SO for 3 years. We would get married if the marriage would be recognized everywhere as a valid marriage.
Sounds like your marriage is over
NM
Not sure what posts are below re marriage
but you sound so very well grounded and truly in love and love your husband and obviously he reciprocates. You are blessed but you also sound like a wonderful person who knows how to compromise when necessary and probably pick your battles - if you even have any!! I am also close to your age and going on 25 years of marriage and watch little things in the marriages of my children and I realize how much I have grown and how truly unimportant some stuff is - but sometimes you just don't see it when you are younger... wisdom definitely come with age!! You are blessed! :))
No, he has a son from a previous marriage, but they have none together. nm
m
I have a great marriage, and i will tell you what we do
First off, there is no "serving". I am home, so I do all the bills, take care of the kid and cook most of the meals, housework, etc. He takes care of the lawn and brings in a lot more money. He is also very helpful on the weekends. Easy enough.
We are extremely nice to each other, and I spoil him rotten but it goes both ways. The best advice I can give you is to be yourself. We go all out for birthdays, valentine's day, our anniversary and anything else we can find an excuse for.
When there is a problem or something unexpected, we split the responsibility for it or the duties that come with it. Everything is 100% equal. I believe he is the head of household in some ways, but in others, I am. That keeps me from being too much of a pushover and keeps him on the chase.
I have the same questions except it's a second marriage? SM
A friend of mine is getting married for the second time. The first time around it was a huge, and I mean HUGE, affair with an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties, huge Catholic wedding with a huge reception with food and free booze, etc. They registered at Macy's and expected everyone to get their presents from there. There China was over $100 for a place setting!
The couple divorced and now she is getting married again and has sent out invitations to all the festivities. She's planning another huge wedding and she has registered again at Macy's! Now, personally I feel this is just wrong. I think a small tasteful wedding is in order for the second go round and I don't think it is at all necessary to register anywhere for the second wedding. How much China can one person use? I mean, she got almost everything in her divorce!
I'm sort of a down to earth, pratical kind of person so Wal-Mart dishes are fine with me, so I guess maybe I'm not the best person to understand wedding traditions and etiquette, but do I really need to go to Macy's and get another expensive wedding gift?
When I was in bad marriage, I escaped in my SM
work. Whenever he would yell, which would be all the time, I put on my headphones and escaped into my work.
Now divorced, remarried to wonderful man, daughter grown and succesful, beautiful grandchild, wonderful stepchildren, AND I AM DEPRESSED!
I dread work, I dread putting on those headphones.
Group therapy anyone?
Have you tried marriage counseling?
Would your husband be willing to go to counseling? My marriage has been very rocky, and there have been times when my husband and I separated and I really didn't think there was a chance we would get back together. We tried several marriage counselors before we found the one who worked for us. But now - after 27 years - our marriage is finally a happy one, and has been for the last 6-7 years.
But it definitely takes two. If your husband will not go to counseling, then I agree that you should move back closer to your family where you will have the support system you need. Tell your husband he can move this time to be closer to his children.
You can have a great marriage too...
To be miserable. Marriage is work, lots of work, so is parenting, but it takes 2 to get both the jobs done and done right. Talk to your husband, heart to heart, and pray...Good luck!
You know I must be trying to work on this marriage. sm
 I'm about to skip Desperate Housewives and surfing the net to sit next to my hubby who just cooked us up some popcorn so I can watch his favorite movie of all time, "Blazing Saddles." Lord help me.
My marriage must be backwards.
Somehow DH usually gives up watching sports so I'll sit down and watch something with him. So we usually watch my DVR'd garden shows or those shows where they fix up people's houses. Okay, sometimes I watch shows like Smallville with him, but they have to contain a hunk or something for my pleasure too.
Am I doing this marriage thing wrong?
Marriage counseling
I would encourage you and your husband to try counseling to work this out in a way that each of you will be able to have some of the things you want and need.
If he isn't willing to go to counseling, then your choices are live with it or live without him.
marriage is also an institution.....no msg
.
bad marriage. don't live that way!
I learned the hard way in the job world and the marriage world. I'll never reliquish my power to anyone again. I have too much respect for myself than to let any man make me feel less of myself.
A dear MD friend of mine used to ask me (during those bad occupational times), "Why bend over so someone can kick ya in the ass?" I've never forgotten that line, so y'all feel free to use it!
If you go around seeking everyone's approval for your own self-worth, you never had any to begin with. Trust me, it works!
we are in marriage counseling now....sm
We have been going since the beginning of January. I found out mid December that my husband had been having an emotional affair with a so-called "friend." It has helped us a lot so far, although, we are just now getting to the heart of the "matter/affair." We still have a long way to go but I have hope now that we will work it out.
I hope it works out for you both. Take care.
|
