Nothing makes it the woman's fault - not even if she also cheats. sm
Posted By: deb on 2009-05-08
In Reply to: Those cheating men - SallySue
Two wrongs don't make a right. Men need to act more like humans and less like animals, and keep themselves under control.
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- Those cheating men - SallySue
- Nothing makes it the woman's fault - not even if she also cheats. sm - deb
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No, NOTHING makes it the woman's fault, BUT....
I don't think the woman has anything to do with whether a man cheats or not. Period. End of Story. Spare me the long sob story about how the woman *never put out* for her man.
That said...
If a person who has been cheated on just sits and lets nature take its course, almost always they are vindicated.
If Princess Diana had just let Charles be Charles, he would have become and STAYED the laughingstock of Britain. And she would have become Queen. (Okay, maybe not Queen, but she was then and is still an icon in Britain, and he would have never recovered from his cheating on her).
In looking at the John Edwards scandal - it's very similar. Elizabeth never did anything wrong. If she continues on that path until her death, ultimately John Edwards will probably NEVER recover politically speaking.
When you do the RIGHT thing instead of the convenient thing, you will ultimately be vindicated.
I also disagree that it is never the woman's fault.
I do not know what your circumstances are, but there are a lot of wives out there whose fault it is that their husbands leave them.
There is something I would never, never do and this is cheating with a married man.
This is downright despicable, ruining marriages.
if a spouse cheats...
I'm watching this little polling on Today show (just eating breakfast, i never watch this stuff!) and it says 63% of people would try to save their marriage if their spouse cheated and 73% of the reason was for companionship.
Personally.... I am not sure I have the capabilty of getting over something like that. I think forgiveness is a huge part of life and relationships... but maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's about pride... but I'm not sure I could work through something like that!! I just don't know what could possibly be an excuse! The ladies on are saying, it usually signifies something that needs to be worked on in a relationship, well OBVIOUSLY! And I am not one of those people that thinks if you cheat you dont love the person... but I certainly think it would be really hard to work through or accept, and knowing myself I'm not thinking I could get over it, so I guess I'd be in the percentage of NOT ever wanting to know...
I dunno, I do think it's human nature to be attracted to many different people (i am myself)... but is it human nature to want to physically be with other people? I guess cheating can be emotional as well...
just random thoughts before I get to work!
Have a great day
if a spouse cheats
I have to tell you from the other side of the coin that sometimes people grow apart for one reason or another and things happen. Most people do not cheat because they are looking for something physical. They are missing an emotional connection and find it elsewhere. On the other side of this is that sometimes, not always but sometimes, when the other spouse finds out and realizes why it happened they can work through it together to get back what was missing and what brought them together in the 1st place. I speak from the know on both sides and can tell you that you can get past it and actually end up in a much better place than you ever were before. .
I don't know, this post down below has me thinking. What are your thoughts, woman to woman. sm
If your spouse came to you and said he was having an affair, would you be more upset if it was with a male or female? For me, definitely a female! If it were male then I would think that it had absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. I would be devastated if he were with another woman. Another poster below said she would be more upset if he were found with a male. What about you?
Fabric softener makes towels softer, yes, but it also makes them less absorbent. sm
Which is, after all, the function of a towel, absorbency. :-)
He is 100% at fault.
He agreed to park it on his property and it was stolen while on his watch. End of story. Yes, your husband perhaps should have taken care of things before he drove off for the night, BUT your BIL agreed to keep it for him. Yes, as the poster below stated, it is really no different than if he borrowed your car and it was stolen while in his possession. I would not let it go, they are plain out and out wrong. I do not understand how people sleep at night when they treat others that way, family to boot!
I truly hope you get something resolved. Good luck to you.
It's not the dog's fault
Why would you call them stupid dogs and then say you can't shoot them?? and you have a dog of your own. It's the pet owner's responsibility. The dog's don't bark just to annoy the neighbors. The owners should take responsibility or they shouldn't have dogs.
s
No....it isn't the dog's fault.
The OP was complaining of just barking. I was complaining about a lot more than just barking. My mother is 64 y/o, widowed, and suffers from MS. She has a right to be able to walk in her yard without worrying about the neighbor's dog knocking her over, barking at her, tearing out her trash, or getting under her feet and making her fall.
I understand that it isn't the dog's fault but no matter how many times you call the Sherriff or the humane society.....nothing is done. They still have the dogs and my mom still deals with it everyday. She has no rights whatsoever to keep her yard animal free and she has to live like this.
I personally feel that anyone should have a right to shoot any stray animal on their property. If pet owners aren't going to be responsible enough to keep their pets in their own yard, they have to live with the idea of someone shooting their pet. I don't like other dogs on my property. I don't allow my dog to go off of our property.
Not your fault sm
There is a program on called, "Intervention" and you may or may not get it in your area (on cable). It is a very sad but true reality show that deals with addiction. You didn't do it to him. He has this "go" factor in his brain that makes him want the drug more than anything else in the world and he will lie, cheat and steal to get it. If there is free counseling, get it or call NA and ask if there is a program you could go to yourself to learn how to deal with it. You can't go to AA for drugs unfortunately because they'll let you know right off the bat that it's for alcohol. There may be programs for multiple addictions you could attend. It all depends what tools you have wherever you live. Don't cushion his fall and don't be an enabler. I had to cut myself off from a brother I love dearly but he has to learn that I won't give him money, won't take his BS stories or anymore schemes. When I saw him last, I cried, he looked awful, but he did it to himself, the drug rules. There are many online chat rooms and I think if you Google "Recovery" or 12 step programs you may want to go in, sign in and just listen and at least get some feedback. You did not cause it and don't think for one moment you can cure it. The only one who can help your son is God and if you believe it, some power higher than himself. But he has to want it more than the drug. Intervenion may help. Don't enable him or he will reach a tragic end. Most of all, take care of yourself.
it's not all his fault
My dad is a teacher in California (I live in a different state) and has had 10 days per school year cut from his paycheck. The vacations are also longer during the school year as well. I don't understand the whole new office furniture purchase from your superintendent, but it sounds like your school system is just like everywhere else. Government-run systems/jobs have all had to make cuts, and schools seem to be the first that get screwed. All of the changes he has made probably stem from mandatory cuts he has to make to save money. Each school is going to be different how they implement them.
My husband's parents work for a government college and they are having the same problem with money. The college laid off so many people to save money. It is sad, but nothing can be done when it comes to mandatory cut backs. Hopefully things will change in the future, but it sounds like they are floundering to find ways to save money anyway the can.
hospital CEO's at fault too
Nurses not work when they are tired? Hospitals need to hire enough nurses so that won't be forced to work when they are tired- ARH nurses in our state are on strike right now fighting for this. about the Quaid babies, I agree the meds should be in totally different colored bottles.
You are saying to make up when you think not your fault?
I have done this before, a relative got very angry with me years ago and I told them if I could visit again I would never say anything to upset them again- if they said the sky was striped I would say, yes it was- that is what I had to do if I wanted to see them so I have done that- now having said that- he is upset about the fact he thinks I took his money and told me so. Why try to make amends when it would never be right in his eyes- he still feels slighted. An apology from me would not change his perspective on my having
so called cheated him out of what was due him.
Except FL has no fault divorce. Everything is 50/50.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnn
And it's not their fault you offend them.
But--this is another reason. It was very nicely explained, and yet the arguing continues. Sometimes you just need to state your opinion and move on. There are some you just won't win. Like this one--or the puppy mill one. Somtimes people just don't want to hear it, let alone hear it over and over again. Just step away from the situation.
how did i even imply it was his fault?
I was asking if it is something that can be worked out. Obviously this is my only long-term relationship. And what gave you the impression I "go out all the time". First of all I don't drink, at all. Secondly I NEVER went out until 2 years ago because he was in the Marines and I just stayed home all the time waiting for him and being worried... but you sound a lot like my mom, like if I am not married and popping out babies by the time I'm 30, I'm a total failure.
but that is not you daughters fault sm
that you had such a horrible life. I feel for you. I too had a pretty rough childhood but no way would I even think to make one of my kids pay for that. Sounds like you need some serious counseling or you are going to be one miserable lonely old lady.
I meant before now- you sound like it's my fault
I mean I have never gotten in trouble before this. Yes - I work for an extremely strict company - if you are late more than 5 minutes twice in a 30 day period, it counts as an absence. I missed one day last week for my daughter having strep; prior to that I had missed one day in 7 months due to child illness. My employer says you have to have someone else to watch your child when they are sick
And I bet the divorces weren't her fault, either.
f
It is not my fault others get offended at my opinions
x
maybe it's the post office fault.
x
I say it's her mother's fault. Supposedly she was stage mom from
!!!!
It was the OWNERS' fault for allowing the dog to run loose.
The fact that you didn't see him and ran over him was an accident. That accident wouldn't have occurred if those people had been responsible dog owners and kept him in a securely fenced yard.
woman to woman talk sm
This has nothing to do with being a christian, it has more to do with group dynamics. I have to deal with it all the time with 6 women in an in-law situation. They are narrow-minded Bible-thumping bigots.I happen to be of another "denomination" and I do attend every function of theirs, weddings, funerals, all of it, receive their communion. I have had my parents die, lost my younger sister and many things happen where they could have reciprocated, yet they will not "step foot" in my church. So where is all their faith, they certainly are not practicing the do unto others. I can relate, it is a horrible way to live. Thank God, I had psychology courses and know about group dynamics, I am in the middle of a herd mentality. I could go on forever, they even have "interventions" when someone in their family wants to marry or date someone not from their denomination. They are awful. I know your pain! It's not your imagination, they hide behind their cohesive "numbers game," one speaks and all the others agree in unison. No one has a chance against this mob. It's tough to be your own person, lots of tears. And guys think it's all in our heads - NOT! Hang in, perhaps you'll have a Divine Intervention somehow.
Kangaroo. cat woman or wonder woman?
x
On the subject of fault. Dont read if easily
If my opinion upsets someone, I think it is their "fault" (for lack of a better word) if they get upset. Everyone owns their own feelings and should not let someone else's opinion have so much power over how they feel. As far as lemmings and masses, those are generalities, a comment on society as a whole, not aimed at any one person.
I am sorry if my opinions have so much influence over others. I will try to keep my thoughts in check.
It's not the worker's fault. She has to follow the rules or be fired. sm
I've taken a lot of flack from a lot of customers, and the run-of-the-mill retail worker really has no freedom to make decisions. When the worker is caught between a yelling customer and a yelling manager, who do you think she'll listen to?
How is the school's fault if Johnny comes to school armed?
And how is the school's fault if off campus people are getting jumped? Everybody wants to blame the schools, but the reason places have gone "zero tolerance" is because every parent whose kid gets popped for an illegal weapon says, "Oh, my little pookie wouldn't do that." Which is exactly what the parents of every perpetrator of school violence has said. At 15, this girl should have been aware that it was verboten and, if they felt that strongly it was necessary, kept it hidden. If she is not capable of thinking that part through, maybe she shouldn't be trusted with pepper spray anyway.
No, definitely not -- if this had been a woman - sm
asking you the same question would you have thought twice about it? He was a rep of the store asking if you found what you were looking for, since it happened to be a bra, I think he phrased it correctly, but then again he did not take into account a person who would take a question the wrong way. He has learned the hard way never to question a lady about her underwear that is for sure. You need to learn to let things roll off your back. If he had leered at you and said, hey lady you find a bra for those nice **** of yours, then yeah, that would be harrassment and not good customer service. Learn to chill some and not worry so much.
I know of a woman who actually did this
xx
what do you get for the woman who has everything?...sm
Spend some time together.
Give each little young lady a handmade card/voucher that she can cash in to spend time with you one-on-one, whether it be at the hair salon, lunch, walking in the park, just doing regular shopping stuff, going to a play or just sitting, talking, having a cup of tea and looking through family albums....It's the special time that'll be cherished.
Oh, and 50-ish is not old.....I know 70 to 85-yo young ladies who can run circles around me with their enthusiasm, drive, ambition and joy for life.  Cat
did you NOT see that 95 y/o woman who
graduated college last year? She was all over the news, GOD BLESS HER!! Had all her wits about her......just old looking is all....
Education doesn't stop until we die - so by all means 40+ is still young in that many change career directions many times in ones' life...
another woman
Does his name rhyme with Boo by any chance? This brought back memories from 16 years ago. Same situation. I found out I was not the only one and that he had been seeing someone else for years and when she and I "met", she told me he owed everybody money. I did get mine back by personal check in a very nice (what a joke) card, wishing me well. I loved him - couldn't deal with the other woman thing, so let her have him. Glad I did - I would have been miserable with him. Good Luck - watch your purse!!
wonder woman
x
then you should definitely let the PTA woman have him
and after he's with her instead of you, make sure to send a thank you card
Do you believe what this woman says?
That an employee told her to use the MRI machine at the zoo?
When a 5-foot, 275-pound woman found out she had a tumor on her spine, she was told by her local hospital to go the zoo to have a MRI because a regular MRI machine could not hold her weight, myfoxkc.com reported.
Carolyn Ragan told the television station she discovered the tumor two years ago and, after the hospital told her she could not use their MRI machine, a medical assistant said he would help her find a solution.
“So he suggested the Kansas City Zoo,” Ragan said. “I thought, I know I’m big, but I’m not as big as an elephant. And my husband got mad.”
The University of Kansas Hospital would not comment on Ragan’s claim, but said its MRI department does not know of any animal MRI in the Kansas City area that would scan a human.
Ragan’s problem was two-fold: She was too heavy for the table and too wide to slide through the opening.
Medical Imaging in Kansas City North, which has both closed and open MRI machines can typically hold up to 440 pounds, but sometimes a person who weighs less can still be out of luck, according to an MRI technician.
“It depends on how they are built a lot of times and what part of their body we’re scanning,” said technician Sarah Abbott of Medical Imaging. “(The machine) can only be so open before the magnetic field dissipates into the room.”
Ragan, who ended up having two surgeries and some paralysis, said she finally found an open MRI machine that held her weight, but it was embarrassing and frustrating.
“They should have machines that fit most everybody,” she said.
A Woman Should Have... sm
BEST POEM EVER
![](outbind://51-00000000C5E212065D00E6408BD36D086DA34EB3A4B83A00/image001.jpg")
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
by Maya Angelou
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .......
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without
ruining the friendship....
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally....
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
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AND REMEMBER:
GIRL FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS.
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW THEY ARE THERE!!!!!! |
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A single woman
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Please do not rush into a relationship with any man at this point. Enjoy this time and spend it getting to know your children better and just spending time with them. Also get to know yourself and feel comfortable with who you are - develop some hobbies and interests. If you've spent the last 2 decades in this kind of relationship, you haven't had much time to spend on yourself. Soak in a hot tub every night if you want to.
In a sense, you've just cut a huge wart off your foot and of course it's going to feel strange and unfamiliar. It was the wart that was strange, now things are normal. It just feels strange because you aren't used to it.
Hope some of this makes sense. If you think about it, I bet you are actually less lonely now than when he was there. Some of the loneliest people I know are in marriages and relationships. Some of the happiest and most joy-filled people I know are on their own.
I should have been a repair woman.
My kids were out of clothes. Yes, I'm behind on laundry. So I wash some stuff, toss it in the dryer and I hear something going "ping" and it won't turn on. I just pulled it completely apart, put it back together and it's working. Yeah me! A screw had come out and fallen down inside of it. I can't believe how full of lint the inside was too. I do, however, have 6 extra screws that should be in there somewhere lol.
Yes, a woman can pass it to a man, it is just like any other STD.
nm
see. not every woman is out to steal your man--sm
it sounds like she is trying hard to make a life for herself and her kids. I don't think she is interested in your husband romantically at all. It is so hard for some people to trust any more, and that includes me, as I have had *friends* go after my man too, but I just did not get that impression from this person. Until someone proves otherwise, one should give them the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions. So far, she has not done anything untoward. at least that is my impression.
Pretty Woman nm
!
This woman owes no one anything regarding the name
I went to my brother's child funeral (my niece) the other day. Brother killed in an accident when this child was 6, she died at 39, raised by stepfather for most of those 30+ years. My maternal aunt and I at funeral and yet the stepfather got up and referred to the deceased as his daughter- my aunt did not like that as basically erased her father from her life but things like this happen- this person can and should name her child whatever she wants. If the relationship is that tedious with only a name, then she does not need those kind of people in her life. Simple.
you need to take responsibility for getting this woman
nm
Was watching until they put through this man/woman.. sm
who was supposed to be bellydancing. He/she was terrible and they put him through and got rid of some really good people. My daughters have taken dance over the last 10 years and I can honestly say that many 8-9 year olds can bellydance way better than that. They sent home tons of talent and put through some really untalented people. Also, why is it called America Has Talent and two of the judges are not American??
If you were going to nominate a woman for
who would it be?
Why does this woman offend you so?
What did she do to you? I understand that you obviously do not agree with her getting involved in her own daughter's life but it is her daughter - not yours. I think you are taking her situation way too personally for whatever reason.
The fact is, it is her daughter and she SHOULD protect her and do everything within her means to do so. She never said she was going to break the law. I see nothing wrong with her asking this dude to get tested - if anything, it will get him away from her daughter!!!
Oh honey, I am a woman...
just can do things on my own...have a large home too and still manage to have lots of time, a clean house and work 10 hour days. I can easily afford a housekeeper too but why when I am perfectly capable myself. DH gets to come home to a home cooked meal every night, a very clean home and a happy wife who does not complain! Not all men want simpering, helpless women.
A woman on a mission I am...
Ok, so when we were kids, my brothers would go to the barber. They get their hair cut and he put this stuff on their hair that smelled so good. Like a finishing cream or something. I am trying to find some of this for my hubby and son for after their hair cuts (I am the barber of the family). Does anyone have any idea what this could be? I don't even know what to search for. It wasn't gel, hairspray, or anything like that. It wasn't stiff. Just smelled really good. Would be wonderful if you could help me find it or give me suggestions of what it could have been.
Thanks!
You sound like a man. I would think a woman would
x
A woman just hit me in a store!
I was at the cash register paying for my things, and the lady behind me dropped a piece of paper. I picked it up and gave it to her. She said thanks, and I turned back to the cashier. A few seconds later, SLAM! she had hit me really hard in my shoulder! She obviously wasn't mentally "with it". Something is wrong, but she shouted, "I know you. Hi!" I said firmly, "You do not know me. Please do not hit me!" I didn't make a big deal out of it, because she obviously had something wrong with her. I thought she looked a little like she had Down Syndrome, with very widely spaced eyes and the typical look. But she did hit me hard and left a bruise. And I'm 200 pounds. When she hit me, she had enough power to push me a couple of steps away. I have to say, I was a little scared. She seemed to be alone. The manager came over to talk to her, and I just said that I was okay and left, so I don't know what happened after that.
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