Not sure what his issues are
Posted By: 500 miles away on 2007-10-27
In Reply to: Why does your son feel so obligated to stay with his dad?? (sm) - Lisa
My son is not very honest. When I had him for my summer visitation this year, he talked about possibly wanting to stay here, but kept changing his mind constantly. Finally he said he wishes he could try living with me for a year and see if he liked it. I told him his dad would never go for that (the ex is now on an SSI disability and is also drawing SSI for my son - so his motives for keeping him there are very financial). My son admits one major thing holding him back is he likes his school and his friends and doesn't want to leave them. Its up to my son to decide when he's had enough and is ready to tell the judge he wants out of there and stick with it. I'm not pressuring him to make a change.
During our epic custody battle, the whole thing started because my son said "get me out of here" and started telling horror stories, which were mostly true, from what I saw firsthand. I made sure he got a CASA (his own court-appointed advocate) so his side would be told to an "impartial" third party. But my son was not honest. He changed his mind and stories constantly and protecting daddy suddenly became a big deal. He recanted everything he told me, my mother, and relatives on his dad's side (seeing his father and other adults naked, physical abuse, drugs/drinking going on, etc.) - either he said it never happened or his memory completely disappeared on issues where I had firsthand knowledge that it was true. When the golden moment came to advise the CASA what his wishes were, suddenly he was quite happy at dad's, and didn't really care which parent he lived with.
This is one reason I have to see something in writing from my son before I grab this hot potato again. I love him, but I cannot trust that he won't make me look like a fool and waste endless time and money to help him, when he does a 180 and wants no help when help arrives. He claims to be disgusted by his father's drug use, but refuses to get him in trouble, even when I assure him I begged the court repeatedly to drug test us both and see the truth and the court declined to touch that issue. He has pondered whether to play hardball with his dad and give an ultimatum that if he doesn't get off drugs he'll come live with me - this shows me at this time he still wants to be there or he would gladly walk away.
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Lab here with some issues.
We can't figure out what the problem is either. I give her a bath every other day with dog shampoo made from dry skin dogs and that seems to help her the rest of that day and part of the following one.
She must have some serious issues (sm)
Psychologists say that people who take pleasure in running other people down have no self-esteem, are usually unhappy with their lives, and it kind of lifts them up to run someone else down. Maybe we should feel sorry for her. Uh. Maybe tomorrow.
Other issues?
Most, if not all, of someone's "other psych issues" with their gender identity comes from society's attitude toward it. Once they have completely transitioned, most of those issues go away.
"Psych issues" usually include -
being forced into an uncomfortable gender by an accident of birth and told they can do nothing about it
being treated like a monster by family and friends who can't accept that they need to change
being treated like a pariah and a target by perfect strangers who think its OK to abuse them any way they please, up to and including murder
finding it nearly impossible to find romance, because few are open minded enough to deal with this personally, given a choice
very messy situations in the workforce while trying to transition - mainly caused by coworker's opinions and attitudes
people in general who refuse to see the person but only see the gender issue, and judge the person automatically without educating themselves on the condition at all
My son, who is in the process of becoming my daughter, passes so well as "female" that unless you knew what's in that person's pants, you'd never know she's "male". Once legally transitioned (with all the paperwork changed to reflect female gender), nobody that meets my daughter will see her as a freak. It is only people that knew her before, as a male, that will have problems with "her". So as long as those people continue to give her grief, yes, it will cause "psych issues", just as lifelong harrassment and judgmental ignorance against you would cause anyone some "psych issues".
You have several issues here sm
First, mortgages are no longer a wise investment. The general trend is towards home values going down, not up. You could well end up 10 years from now owing more than you can sell the house for. I have had this happen to me.
You have GOT to live within your means. If your wife is overspending, she needs help. Yes, overspending is a pathology!
Downsizing even further is probably your best solution, after your wife has addressed her issues with spending more than you have. Being house poor is a fool's journey into madness, especially because with gas prices continuing to rise, as food may be a real luxury soon.
I have downsized twice in the last 5 years, in part because my family grew up and left home, and the last time because it made economic sense. I live in an older trailer house, but it is lovely inside...warm and comfortable. Ashamed of it? NO WAY it is paid for IN FULL and MINE. It was a wise move. I am now able (and motivated) to save about 25% of my income after taxes, sometimes more and I am looking at ways to cut corners so I can save even more.
I am worried about a second Great Depression in this country, and I am not alone in my thinking. LIVE SMALL and get your wife on the same page.
Issues
Probably depends on state laws or any neighborhood covenant rules you might have. But if it is free to roam, I'm not sure if the law would see it as a pet. So then I wonder if there are laws about feeding deer. Is this one deer the only one in your neighborhood? Nobody keeps deer as pets here, but with a swamp and bits of wooded areas around, we see deer in the next neighborhood frequently. They only come into our yard and eat my hostas when there is a serious drought and their food supply diminishes.
Fencing has to be 10 feet high to control deer. Seems like the neighbors should be feeding the deer more food than they are if there is any hope of keeping it from devastating landscape plants.
Sorry for your issues...
Before I became an MT I used to work in nursing homes and assisted living. I had some elderly family as well.
I am sorry you are having this problem. Sometimes the person you are worried about does not have a grip on the reality of their situation.
My MIL lost my FIL about 9 months ago. A year before that she had her left leg amputated above the knee. Due to several issues, she is wheelchair bound and cannot do. When FIL died she was incapable of caring for herself, though she insisted that she could. It actually took her having an "incident" in order to convince her otherwise.
My grandma had to be put in a care center because she had issues similar to yours. My aunt was the one who took care of her and there was no way otherwise to do it. They tried everything, an aide to come in during the day, etc. This woman was so ticked off she didn't speak to my aunt for 2 months. She did eventually get over it.
What I think is that you need to get as many family members involved in this as you can. Make it very clear that you fear for her safety and wellbeing. If she is mad at you, let her be angry. It is not all at you. Some of it is the fact that she just cannot do things she used to do. They all go through it, kind of like a grieving period.
I have no other advice to offer you, but do stand your ground if you truly believe it is a safety issue. The guilt you feel right now is nothing compared to what you would feel if you backed down and the woman actually fell at your place and got hurt.
IMO I believe many men have issues because of their
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I think she has some serious issues....
--
Seriously, you have issues...
She did not make it sound like she could not get out of bed...
My son has similar issues right now...
My son has similar issues right now with very dry skin. Under his bottom lip area is very dry and chaffed. We have tried vasoline and other creams, but nothing is helping really good to the point that the dryness goes away. It is a very dry area, but it has not developed into an open sore of any kind...yet. The pediatrician said to just keep it moisterized and that it will go away soon, but it is just not going away. Any advice to this skin problem is greatly appreciated too! :)
Hubby obviously has issues
That the two of you can work on/out at a time that is much less stressful, so when situations occur, you're prepared.
If it had been me, at the moment he started screaming and yelling, I would have taken the kids and left the house. I would not have exposed my kids to all that anger, and making excuses for him doesn't make it all right. Yelling at you and the kids is abuse. If he wants to rant and rave by golly, he can do it by himself.
I would think only if there are other serious medical issues
related to the alcoholism. It probably has to be pretty severe. That's sad.
Does someone have virility issues!
Don't lie about it and let him know you are taking the pill for sure. Next he will be going to the doc to check his little swimmers and when he finds nothing wrong he will insist on you getting checked and then the truth will rear its ugly head. Sit down and talk about it. If you are both financially capable of carrying for children and providing for thier futures then there is more to discuss but he should be open to your feelings. I don't know your age or the ages of your children, but let him know that you might want to wait a while longer. Working at home, with children is enough but the barefoot and pregnant thing is just pushing it. Definitely do not do this if your relationship is rocky and he thinks another child will help. If he is just testing his virility tell him to grow a beard, it's a lot quicker and cheaper.
Does she have medical issues? sm
That may help in knowing where to look. Good luck to you!
p.s. as in landfill issues
plastic water bottles. Can you imagine how long those take to break down naturally? what about metal cans? We stopped buying bottled water and only buy sodas in aluminum cans so we can recycle them. I'm not trying to tell anybody not to buy canned air here, just realize there are alternatives to buying mass produced crap that's more expensive than a cheap (yet time consuming) solution :) I do something like that while I watch TV so i don't feel so nonproductive lol
Litter Box Issues
She is showing classic signs of a UTI. She should be checked out by a vet as urinary issues can be deadly in cats if not treated as soon as possible.
I live in the country and all my cats have always been indoor cats. One lived to the age of 21.
What is your reasoning for allowing her to roam outside? Is she UTD with vaccinations? (as in all her kitty vaccs, nothing more)
Wow...you know what? this is one of our more minor issues (sm)
More and more I am realizing I have to get out. I have been talking to an older friend recently who is telling me that I have never really even had a marriage. He has done the e-mail thing for a long time. He sends me a note that says, "Put this on your calendar". No questions asked. And oftentimes, I learn about his future plans through other people, who know before I do!
thyroid issues
Do you still have a lot of hypo and hyper symptoms? You could be under treated. Go have a look at http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/ if you haven't seen the site already. There's also a patient-to-patient forum at http://www.realthyroidhelp.com/. Things you might need to address are B12 and adrenals as these are key with converting the thyroid and getting it into your cells. Most hypo people have taxed out adrenals. Hopefully if you deal with that stuff, you'll see improvement in your hair.
Stepson issues
My stepson is 19 years old and has become a major problem for me. Here is some background. I met my husband when his child was 6 years old. The boy’s mother was an absolute nightmare and, long story short, he came to live with us when he was 9. His mother since has had nothing to do with him, except occasionally raising her ugly head to cause trouble for our family, but nothing as far as mothering him in any way, shape or form. A side note is that she has some serious mental and emotional issues. Once he came to live with us, I have mothered him and supported him throughout his years in elementary school, middle school and high school, doing everything for him as far as school and sports were concerned and we were very close up until he was about 15. Things really started to go downhill when he was about 16. He is, academically, very bright and was on the high honor roll every year from the 7th grade to about the 11th grade. That is when his grades and his attitude became horrible. He came very close to not even graduating from high school, but he pulled through and, by the skin of his teeth, managed to graduate. Outside the home, he seemed to be an angel, but at home he was very disrespectful and rude to both his father and myself and his little brother (11 years younger than himself). He became very snide and mean-spirited and if anyone dared to question his actions or attitude, he would throw a fit, start screaming and swearing at the top of his lungs. Some of the things he has said to me in the past were beyond disrespectful and well into hateful. His father never seemed to want to punish him in any way. (I think because he just did not want to deal with his outbursts.) Fast forward, after a miserable summer, he went off to college about 2-1/2 hours away. I was actually relieved and hoped that maybe some time on his own would make him rethink his attitude at home. Another issue is that he absolutely refuses to do anything close to resembling work to get money for himself, which is a big deal for me, because I think having a good work ethic is important. His father said that because his grades were good, he was not going to push the working issue. He came home after his first year with same crap attitude, had a miserable summer with him and he went back to school…. same old, same old. Now Christmas break is here and he is home. The first thing he does is fight with his father about working over break, which we made clear to him that it was an expectation. Suddenly, low and behold, he does not think he is going to be able to get hours life guarding. I started to feel a little better about things when he was able to get a couple shifts and at least he made some sort of effort. Last night, he was going to take his brother to a wrestling match, which I was glad and appreciated. It was my youngest son’s birthday present and he had been looking forward to going with his brother. We gave them 25.00 for parking and snacks and my youngest had 10.00 of his own money that he saved from his birthday to get whatever he wanted, program, etc. The event ended about 10:30 and they were on the road home (about a 15-minute drive). An hour later, I call the cell phone and ask where they are, answer was on the road. I explained to my stepson that his brother had school and I wanted him right home. 15 minutes later I call again and my stepson asks me if I am an F*ing retard and he said he was on the way home. I knew he was lying immediately. I asked to speak to my son, and he said no, so now I’m really mad. They finally get home and I ask my younger son where they went. He tells that they stopped at his grandmother’s to get something to eat because his brother would not let him get anything at wrestling, but please don’t tell his brother he told because he told him not to say anything to me. I asked if he got a souvenir with his money. The answer was no because his brother would not let him get anything. By this point, I am furious, but just get him ready to go to bed and hit the hay myself. Of course, if I said anything to my stepson, there would be screaming and swearing, and I hate when he behaves this way in front of my 8-year-old. This morning, I asked where my change was from the wrestling. Except for parking and 1 soda, there should be about 25.00 left. He tells me that he is keeping that money to put gas in his car and just refused to give it to me. I am so upset about this that my stomach is in knots. I truly dislike him and just wish he would go away. He has been nothing but a problem for the past 4 years and I am worn out and over it. My level of anxiety is through the roof. I feel terrible for feeling this way, but I am resentful of him and misery he causes our family. I just wish he would go back to school and stay there. I know that this is way too long, but I had to let this out.
Toofy issues
Hey PAMT -
Is it imperative that the tooth be pulled? A crown would work, but that would need to go over the existing tooth.
A Maryland bridge is probably not good for a front tooth as it is not translucent, has metal "wings" that attach to each tooth along side the empty space. It's usually reserved for side/back teeth.
Google Encore Bridge - but for that you need two healthy teeth on either side.
Don't hesitate to get more than just your dentist's opinion, but I'd stay away from the mall dentist/franchise ones.
My dad used to coach peewee football and would try out plays on me. When I was 7 he had me run for a pass from the living room to the kitchen. I ran in true receiver fashion, forward, head turned to look over left shoulder, hands out ready to catch, and I caught that ball like a pro - then dove on the kitchen floor chipping my front tooth in half on the diagonal. I now have a crown, and it's been great!
Good Luck!!
Does anyone else have SI pain or issues? sm
I think I have finally come to my own conclusion that my severe pain is from SI dysfunction/strain, etc. Does anyone have any solutions/suggestions to help this while still trying to sit and work all day? I have tried ice, heat, muscle relaxants, NSAIDs all to still have severe pain. 
Yes, I know what you mean about the doctrinal issues..sm
but, I just stayed focused on the actual principles of physiological hunger and eating half portions and filling the void with prayer and Bible reading, and I lost 35 pounds. Unfortunately over the last four years I lost my focus and got back in the rut of eating on a schedule and not according to hunger, and gained 20 back. But, I restarted this week as a matter of fact and I am going to get back on track.
We DO discuss men issues. Bob & his ED, the
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Gnat Issues
If there are from your potting soil in your house plants, try repotting all of your plants with new soil and adding a thin layer of beach sand/play sand to the top of the soil and only watering your plants every 3-4 days. If they are coming from your drains, try dumping some bleach and boiling water down the drains.
I hope this helps
Angie
Food issues sm
Yes, you probably have an issue. It is not exactly normal to spend a great deal of time thinking about food.
You have several things going on, most of them mixed messages:
1. You grew up poor, so you were told not to waste food.
2. At the same time you were told not to waste, you were told you were getting too heavy.
3. Your *helpful* husband is carrying on with an old pattern from growing up. Helpful not the work I would use for it, either.
4. You have your own thoughts about your weight and what you want, but your brain drain from the above is controlling it somewhat.
5. NOT being able to drop weight without a lot of work plays into your issues.
6. You WILL get hungry and then what? Self-control sort of goes out the window after a while.
I feel your pain and I think a counselor might be a good idea. Feel free to email me, because I am in your boat right there with you!
what about the transportation issues
I agree, it is so much easier on the days that the kids are busy with afterschool activities and sports. But my question is: How do you sign kids up for activities when you work all day? How do they get there? And how do they get home? She is too old for daycare and too young to hang out with kids who drive. LOL. She is in the middle, and as you know it is a difficult age! So what can kids do at 13 when school is closed and no one is available to drive but still stay out of trouble? It's nice when they hang out here but then I get no work done and end up pulling all my hair out.
He very obviously has some anger issues s/m
and a restraining order would be appropriate. For all the phone calls, there is a special code you can put in after someone calls you, for harrassment calls. You would have to call your local phone company to find out. Every time he calls, you dial that code and the phone company traces the call. They will not release the information to you, but only to the police. This would prove stalking. I was getting some prank calls and they would block their number and this is what the phone company said to do and if it didn't stop, they would turn it in for "appropriate action." I would do it on the home phone and cell phone. I would also start taking pictures whenever he is in the driveway with a camera that date/time stamps the pictures. Best of luck to you.
I am sorry to hear about your issues
The only thing I can say is I went through bankruptcy years and years ago and no one came to check on anything, not what I had in my home, my bank account, nothing. That may have changed but 1 thing I will say is for years afterwards I did not try to buy anything on credit. When I finally decided to apply for credit again my slate was completely clear like I had never had credit (bad or good) in the first place. I now have credit beyond reproach and have kept it like that for years. My exhubby talked me into it basically, probably not needed for me at the time I did but basically not hurt by it. I wish you luck and really sorry to hear the luck is down right now, really I am.
I agree about the medical issues...sm
obviously none of these responders have a thyroid condition, which makes it nearly impossible to lose weight, no matter how little you eat. I eat once a day. and it is not a huge meal either, or fast food, but a regular sized, non fat, meal. I have not lost weight in over 10 years, and sometimes gain weight if I do happen to indulge on a sweet item once in a while. I have done a lot of investigating on this and I have found there is an additive to 95% of all american food items called HFCS, high frutose corn syrup. Start reading labels and you will see that it is in almost everything! It is an artificial sweetener, just like most people who posted say they avoid. You cannot avoid it. It is in everything and it is the main item responsible for all obesity in the US!!! It fools your body into thinking it is still hungry when you are not. It keeps you *addicted* to food and you actually feel hungrier after eating it. Believe it or not, our own government WANTS us to be obese, so we continue to go to the doctors with high blood pressure, diabetes, high choleterol, etc., so they can give us more medications, which are worse than any disease we can get. Do some investigating like I have, and you will learn that being overweight is not because we overeat, but because of what we are being force fed. This makes me so angry I could spit! I hardly eat anything and continue to gain weight because my thyroid is shot, due to this artificial drug they have put into all our food. I hate being fat! But after searching for SOME kind of nutritional food that does not have this in it, I have given up. My weight is not my fault, but my own government who would prefer to keep me sick in order to get money. Think about it. This is just my experiences and my opinions, and I don't need any flaming arguments. do your own research on this and you will see I am right. JMO
I had similar issues with my contacts. sm
I've found that wearing my glasses while working helps with that 'gritty' feeling. It also seem to reduce the number of tension headaches I get. Not sure why though. Perhaps I blink less when wearing my contacts than I do when wearing glasses.
take a stand in life issues
that really matter. Don't dilly dally over irrelevant issues. Wake up, smell the coffee, listen to the birds sing, take a walk in the sun. Life is too short to always be mad and look at others and bring them down because what makes them happy makes you irritable. you might have a characteristic or mannerism that someone does not think is a pretty sight.
Your mother had serious issues. Sounds
@@@@
yes, they are 2 seperate issues and threatening
to stop visitation because of money will get the custodial into trouble.
Some adopted kids have a lot of issues
I had a friend who adopted 2 kids and she said you had to walk a fine line between making their birth mother a saint who selflessly gave them up, or a villain who didn't want them. Unfortunately a lot of these kids think of their mother in one of those two categories. So they find themselves longing for the childhood they didn't have (if they think she was a saint) or struggle with feelings of worthlessness (if they think she didn't want them.)
Personally, I think it is a noble and selfless thing to give up a child who you know you cannot raise and I admire you. I'm sure it was not an easy thing to do. Hopefully your child will find a way to resolve their own issues because they have put you in an untenable position.
When my son was in second grade he had behavior issues (sm)
I know many may not agree with me, but I believe positive reinforcement for good behavior and negative consequences for bad behavior works. Every week our school sends home a folder with the child's "grades" for the week in schoolwork and behavior, with 4 being the best (pretty much unattainable for my son!) 3 being good, 2 being so-so, and 1 being really bad. I put him on an allowance schedule with chores he had to do with a certain allowance each week. HOWEVER his grades in his folder would greatly influence this allowance. Gettings 3s would keep his allowance the same, getting a 2 automatically took off $2 (he never got a one but that would have taken his whole $5 allowance). If he ever got a 4 he would get an additional $2. This worked really really well for him, but all children are different. Good luck!
Honestly I think I am dealing with both issues with him (sm)
I think he has a girlfriend and a drinking problem
Time share issues
When visiting in Mexico in the early 90s, I purchased a very low cost time share (after spending quite a long time with them trying to talk me into a very high one) and paid by credit card then. I asked then if any extra charges and was definitely told no. Well, not only have there being hidden charges, i.e. for supposed upkeep on the property- have never been able to use. For a time money was taken once a year from my credit card until I got the card paid off and then that stopped. Now I am being dunned for more money with mail coming to the house. What would you do- can you send mail back as unaccepted?
addressing trust issues...
I am so sorry you don't trust pitbulls. If you owned one you would feel differently.
Dont know if I will need or not but insurance issues
My husband carries the insurance on both of us. If he should lose his job (they are laying off little by little) then no insurance. Do any of you know what private insurance we could get (I know about Cobra so would like not to have to go there as far as the expense) that might tide us over if the worst happens? Thanks.
I think that women have issues because of their mothers.
I know I have some, but try to realize what I am doing.
My husband has some serious medical issues,
those being diabetes and hypertension but having said this he is always on the hunt for the new and improved solutions to give assistance with these. He not only takes his medications as prescribed, he carries around a myriad of supplements, herbs, what have you, eats healthy (no fast food for him) and tries to maintain himself in the best shape possible. I raised 2 children, don’t have another one here, have a real man.
I think ear pain can go along with heart issues
and know about the creases, have some myself.
I have had years of teeth issues
so I can imagine how you are dealing with such bad issues. I had gum surgery once, never do that again, horrible pain for months, but good thing dropped weight like you would not believe, could not eat anything. I would look at dentures in your case because of the fact you have so much going wrong and you and I know it can affect not only your mouth but other organs in the body.
Doctors with attitudes and other issues
Just got back from the neurologist's office. This is a doctor I have seen now approximately 3 times. I try my best to furnish any and all reports I think necessary for a physician either prior to seeing them for a particular issue or when I see them such as recent MRIs, lab tests, office notes and the like from another physician's office that I think might be pertinent to why I am seeing the present doctor.
Have foot issues (along with a couple other things) but 2 weeks ago I called 2 different podiatrists offices where I have recently been asking that they fax (given number) office notes to the neurologist. Both offices I had visited for the same exact foot issues, no diagnosis and no help. The neurologist did not have the information requested from the 2 other offices this morning, 2 weeks later. When I told him had lots to talk about he said well start. I did and then he told me I was supposed to have told all that information to the person who took my blood pressure, checked my reflexes and so on. Well, not a mind reader here and I told him had the other offices done as requested, then maybe he would have some information before him to go by.
Why, why are people not doing their jobs? It has nothing to do with the economy (this was happening at least 5 years ago when the economy better) but people are so slack now days it just ticks me off. Blowing smoke out ears as I write this.
I wish a podiastric could figure out my issues
Never that much into the heels so that does not play a part. I now get the birkies and even then have to use 3/4th arch supports in them because if not I have an electric current sensation that shoots up from the bottom of the foot, only when walking. Oh that is the left foot, should I go on to the right foot? It has other issues entirely different. I have been almost lame some mornings, not good because I love to travel....
People who don't have trust issues will take advantage of it.
nm
Anyone had decompressive traction for back issues?
I have some disk space narrowing at L5-S1 that has been causing me problems for some time now with back pain (only on one side) and sciatica. The chiropractor has recommended decompressive traction therapy. He says he has had great success with it. I have already been going to massage therapy every week for several years. What she does will help it for short periods of time. Then things return to their previous state at the slightest provocation. I am looking for something that might give permanent relief. Thanks for your help! 
Working at home/husband issues - do you think(sm)
Do you think they are jealous because we work at home or that they somehow picture us at home having the day off every day and getting pad for it - so they wonder why the house isn't perfect, etc.? Because I am constantly extremely busy between work and my kids and trying to get things done around the house but I think my husband thinks I should be able to get everything done since I am here. I don't think he was as bad when I worked in an office.
And he'd know all about her private business/health issues, too,
s
Are you sister of poster with tax-welfare issues?
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we havent (yet) turned our issues into cheesy
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