Not everyone who goes to a bar is an alcoholic
Posted By: me on 2009-03-23
In Reply to: For those of you happily married, where did you meet your spouse? sm - LMT
It's insulting for people to think because you go to a bar/club your an alcoholic. That would be like saying the people who go to church are self-righteous cult members, and then wonder how they married someone who is self-righteous and judgmental of others. Doesn't feel too good does it? I don't go to bars but did when I was younger. I went to meet people (other people who were not alcoholics who also wanted to meet people) I went to bars/clubs because I loved to dance and I did drink but not excessively, maybe 2 or 3 drinks on a Friday or Saturday night or sometimes just a coke with no alcohol, and not every weekend. But I loved to dance and that is mainly why I went. BTW - I met my husband in the service.
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alcoholic husband
He has to hit bottom, and only then will he start coming up, if he gets help from AA or something similar....and HE HAS TO WANT TO DO IT.
Alanon can give you some good ideas, and I think the longer you and the children stay and put up with him, you will be coenablers, without even intending to be. When they get backed to the wall they become frightened, swear to never take another drink, but nine times out of 10 they do. They need support, not from you, but from the experts. Your support will come later if he stays clean and sober. Please, the children and you need to leave now, it may be for good, or he might come around and stay dry. Yes, get a lawyer and start proceedings. I wish you all the luck in this world. You're a good mom, don't forget that.
Husband says he is an alcoholic. (sm)
He has a good job, never misses work, never lays around drunk. But has alcohol almost daily. Hides it in his truck, cabinets, etc. and will be drinking a mixed drink when I think he is just having a soda or something like that. He has told me this in the past too and I thought he was kidding. But yesterday he said there is "no doubt about it, I'm definitely an alcoholic." We have had many marital problems and now I am wondering if that is why and I have just been blind to it. Could he really be an alcoholic and me not know it?
I am a recovering alcoholic. Went
to treatment in 1982. Believe me when I say no one admits to alcoholism unless they have a problem. It is a disease of denial, and some deny it all the way to the grave. The first step in recovery is admitting we are powerless over alcohol. Not only is the alcoholic sick, but the whole family because a lot of the time, the family enables the alcoholic to keep on drinking by denying it themselves. Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous can help a lot. In AA, the alcoholic learns how to live sober and learns what to do to change his life, habits, friends, etc. Al-Anon teaches the family how to change what they have been doing. I hope you don't think I am preaching, but I know how it is because I have been there. I do know that if I ever drink again, I won't live because the disease progresses whether we are drinking or not..
i don't think polite will sink in with an alcoholic.
First be a friend and tell her she really needs help. Encourage AA. Offer to take her there. Then set the boundaries, that she either gets help or needs to find another place to live by such-and-such a date.
My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He. too,
held a full-time job, did all the *things* he was supposed to do but came home EVERY night and consumed anywhere from a pint to a quart of liquor (first bourbon and later vodka). He knew he was an alcoholic and would tell you so. One day after months of feeling like crap all the time, he decided it was time to quit. His doctor admitted him to the hospital. He is 6 feet tall and weighed 122 pounds. They kept him for about 3 days and detoxed him. He came home and had a rough few weeks. Thankfully, though, he has been sober now for 15 months. Please encourage your husband to get the help that he needs. My prayers are with you.
if he states he thinks he may be an alcoholic, he is asking for help
nm
Keep that vicious alcoholic out of your home...sm
And tell your husband exactly why. I would leave him if he didn't stand by me in this. This is grossly absurd. If she won't put the plug in the jug, sober up and make amends, she does not deserve to ever see her grandchildren or to set foot in your home.
Divorcing an alcoholic is not an easy thing to do
First and foremost you need to get him away from your children, sounds like they've been around it too long already. Living under the same roof with an alcoholic during a divorce is not the way to go. I'm one of those children and never understood why it took my mother so long to end it (of course that was years and years ago). Just because he is your children's father doesn't mean he should be around them. Obviously he chooses alcohol over his family. Don't bother trying to make it amicable, just get a good attorney. Half the time your hubby won't show up to court anyway! Good Luck!
My husband is an alcoholic currently in rehab for his addiction.
Our marriage has suffered terribly because of his addiction. Actually, I should say my love for him has suffered terribly because of his alcoholism. He is totally dependent on me and I have come to feel more like his mother than his wife. I make the money, pay the bills, take care of our children, basically run the house. He's either always looking for a job or working as a self-employed used engine and transmission salesman/mechanic barely making any money at all.
Recently, I told him I didn't love him anymore and that I was tired of taking care of him. So he entered rehab as a way to win me back and prove his love for me. He calls me at least 20 times a day from rehab. If I don't answer, he will call repeatedly every two minutes or so until someone answers or he has to go back to group or class or whatever.
He will get out of rehab at the end of this month and fully expects to come back home and provie that he is changing. My problem is this, I don't want him to come home. I have enjoyed the peace I've had with him gone (save for the constant phone calls). However, I fear that if I am honest with him and tell him over the phone that I don't want him back, this will affect his sobriety and basically he will see no reason to finish rehab and remain sober. He tells me repeatedly that he is doing this for me. I've told him he should be doing it for himself or at the very least, his kids and he will just agree with me and change the subject.
He's not a bad person. He just has his problems and I'm tired of feeling like I have this anchor around my neck all of the time. While he's been gone I've enjoyed spending time with my kids. I've gotten together with my girlfriends for dinner and movies and just had girls' night out. I've spent time visiting my mom and sister and helping my niece plan her upcoming wedding. Without my husband around, I've just feel free to have fun and do stuff for me.
How can I tell him that I want a divorce without feeling responsible for affecting his rehabilitation? How would you handle it?
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