Not all fathers bond with their children
Posted By: HB on 2007-05-30
In Reply to: Yes, your relationship will change sm - Dreamweaver
and having said that, a lot of times having a child can also drive couples apart. A child crying all the time whether from colic or just wanting to cry for no reasons can be a headache not just for the mother but the spouse. Some guys leave women when they announce a pregnancy. I think loads of time an infant puts a strain on a marriage. It can happen and does. I was married to 2 different fathers to my children and neither one took the effort to really be what I would call a decent father- probably my fault for having a child with them in the first place but being as I do not believe in children without marriage, what was my choice?? Married them I did, divorce from them I did also.
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I know a young woman with six children who have six different fathers and just
announced she is pregnant with her 7th. She is 28, does not work, has never worked. One of the fathers has been in prison and she is breaking up with the father of her one on the way so she can reconcile with him because he's getting out of prison. She is on welfare, food stamps, any and all government assistance available to her.
Now, I realize that these day with the unemployment rate rising, there are families that need help and I think it is wonderful that this help is available to them. Sixteen years ago when I was pregnant with my son, I had a part time job at a bank with no insurance and my husband at that time was out of work, so I got on Medicaid and food stamps. However, I felt ashamed that I had to do this and my goal was to get off of assistance as soon as I possibly could.
Nowadays, it seems there are way too many irresponsible, unmotivated, and downright lazy people out there shamelessly living off the government teat. I think it is totally irresponsible to have 6 or 7 kids. The only people who can afford to feed a family of 8 are those in a higher tax bracket than I. And the truth is the people who have very large families usually cannot afford it.
Yes, some fathers can be exactly what you said
there are loads of fathers out there who are just not into the baby thing like a woman might be- and having heard just a few minutes ago about the mother in Texas who hung herself and her 4 kids this morning including an 8 month old- well some mothers are not into it either apparently. Thank goodness, I am so past the mothering stage and I can really live it up now and just enjoy my life and what I want to do and only me.
R the fathers made to look at the x-ray, too? -nm
nm
The TLC commercial about fathers
I think it is so sweet and really tasteful.
Medicated Gold Bond........
Gold Bond may do the trick. When my grandmother was bedridden, she kept getting rashes under her breasts and arms. The doctors gave my mother Rx's all the time to try on her but they never worked. I gave her some Gold Bond to use and after a couple of days, she called and said it had dried the rash up and it was barely visible and had started going away. This rash had been there for months! All the prescriptions and this is all it took. Give it a try.
DH and I went to see the new Bond movie last night...
Daniel Craig...yummy!
Thick family bond or not, - sm
My child would be yanked out of that very strange and potentially harmful situation so fast it would make your head spin! Children certainly do not need to spend their time worrying about death and being subjected to this weirdness. If it costs your marriage to get your son into a better situation (i.e., camp like someone suggested) then it was not much of a marriage to begin with. Your first obligation is to your child.
You mean like bond money for 1st-time homeowners?
nm
We're doing okay considering. He managed to get out jail on a signature bond
and came back here saying this is half his house and I can't force him out. I met with my attorney who told me the only way to force him out is to file for divorce and then ask the judge for a court order to remove him from the house. So that is what I'm doing. My attorney is working on the paperwork, I'm gathering all up all my financials, deed to my house, etc, and he will file as soon as possible. Until then, according to the law, I'm stuck. As long he doesn't harm me or our kids, he cannot be forced out by an order of protection. So my options are make him hit me or just bide my time.
I swear by Gold Bond Hand Cream. or Bag Balm. sm
I keep a tube of the Gold Bond right next to my keyboard. I am ALWAYS putting it on. It has a really light smell. I use Bag Balm at night with a pair of cheap cotton gloves I got at our local mission store. I also use Bag Balm on my heels aned feet both winter and summer as they are so dry they will crack and bleed. I have also heard of something called "Cornhuskers Lotion". I tried it once and it was too thin and runny. Or perhaps the lotion with the fisherman on it. Norwegian something or other.
The medicated Gold Bond is great for damp funky navels and
s
Children having children not a new thing, where do you live?
My son, who is now in his early 40s, told me years ago when in high school about all the teenage mothers that were at his school and said they brought the babies to school, and he seemed to think it was like the girls having playdolls like when you were little. This is not new and apparently folks think alright to have their children sans marriage, be it preteens, teens or adults. I guess my years alone do not make me shocked at anything anymore. Others talk about this job being isolated and your post says some of this if you were shocked at what the son said.
I should mention that I am 42, have 2 children and done with having children. nm
nm
You must a) not have children or b) your children are young
I don’t see them as being spoiled- I see lots of kids in the age group of one (30+) who are totally in the me scene, not just the 1 I have- she married and her husband same - a me type person. The other not spoiled but just got nasty when he did not get the money left to me and he thought he should. Just to think, this was my chosen 1 if I had to choose. Oh well, live and let live is the way I see things now.
she said *he definitely does not want more children*
but she said that HE definitely does not want anymore children...that's what the OP said so I responded based on that *fact*.... 
I am so sorry!! I have 4 children myself
30, 28, 24 and 17 - and can honestly say that we have gone through periods like this before - it is usally something really silly that gets all blown up - a misunderstanding, etc. Enjoy your birthday to its fullest - send a gift/card to your granddaughter as you normally would and go about your business with no bitterness - it will all work out - they will be back to you soon - really! :)
Yes, and then only if there are no children.
Sorry, but tobacco is a dastardly substance that people need protection from IMO.
Does she have children. If so, what are
xx
I have 2 children of my own,
starting with K. This is my sil who is having the baby and she has 3 children already and has run out of K names. So, I thought I would give her a hand. Thanks for your suggestions!! I am passing them on.
All children are different
it seems to me you keep comparing your 19-year-old to your 21-year-old. Since they are two separate people, they should be treated as such. Times are a changing. I'm sure it does worry you, but if she's off to college, she is probably staying out late there too.
both my children do just that and they are
both well-rounded, well-behaved, straight A students. Children have to live in this world and we as parents have to love and teach them. I know I am not the exception.
Whether having children or not is, without SM
question,your own choice, but you come across as very cynical. Perhaps you are watching too much TV or listening to talk radio. Things are not that bad. Oh sure, there is too much media attention given to Britney Spears, but most young girls, with the proper guidance, don't want to be her. There is a challange to motherhood, but most of us meet it very well.
Children & TV
How many hours a day/week do you let your children watch TV? Do they have TV's in their room? If so how do you monitor (or do you monitor) what they watch?
Have you ever banned certain shows from your house? What do you think about all those "sassy" shows on Nickelodean and Cartoon Network, like "Zach and Cody," or "Drake and Josh" or "Hannah Montana?"
I'm thinking of changing the TV rules and want to know what you all do with your kids.
Is this only to children that you know and
the parents know who the treat is from. We used to give out special home-made treats but always with a note saying who it was from. Now our neighborhood has grown so much we have a lot of children that don't live in the area. I don't want to give out something to someone and then their parents not let them eat it.
23 and 25 and like your children
my of my kids friends have older parents. All the kids like to hang out at our house because we "seem so much cooler" than their parents. Believe me, nothing goes on in this house that shouldn't. We just always have lots of junk food in the freezer, don't mind the music up loud, and love to just sit and chat with the kids. Last night one of my son's friends was picking him up to go to youth and she was early so we talked while he got ready. When it was time to go she said she didn't want to leave. It was really sweet.
Do you have children? LOL! sm
Meant that becasue I have a friend that says she has "brain damage cuz she has kids". I have a book that is titled "If questions for the soul". Not all questions are religious but most are. I had another one that was the same but not religious ? and loaned it to a friend. We often have these books in the car on family road trips. Really gets the family talking.
My children, now 26 and 25, are right there with yours. My
son works in retail (grocery store) and buys his jeans to wear to work at the thrift store. None of us mind wearing thrift store clothes. We tend to shop clearance racks and sales. They are not particular about the brand of clothing they wear (I never was either) so long as they fit and are comfortable. I'm really glad mine don't feel the need to compete with everybody else and spend everything they make trying to keep up with others. 
Since I do not know you or your children, sm
I can not tell you the effects it will have on them--but, do not think for a minute they do not know about and cannot feel the stress and fear you are dealing with.
For me, it was best for me and my children to have a peaceful, happy home than to live one more day like we had been. This is a personal choice and for us, I made the right one. Good luck to you.
you know your children and how
they are prone to react (ie, 'you turned out okay'). I never lied to my kids, but only shared my experiences when I thought it would add to their education about a subject, and of course was age appropriate. For example, about drugs, they know what i think about pot/weed, but they don't know anything else i may have tried. Sometimes personal experience gives validity to the discussion, but i sure wouldn't make it a confessional.
You ask if she has children, will tell you what she has
She has a man who is likely bisexual but then sounds like a closeted gay to me, marrying for his own reasons, a person who is refusing her sexually, probably getting his kicks elsewhere (as in the gay sex line and possibly meeting other guys and having affairs on her.) I would not care if I had 20 kids, there is not that much "love" in the world for me to stay and hope to have a relationship? Not this woman. I do not want to risk my life. I heard the saying for years- where there's smoke, there's fire- so much smoke around this guy he could set his own bonfire.
I don't have children - but
Let me start by saying I do not have children (but do have neices and nephews). Second...my language itself is well lets just say I shocked my mom quite a few times. Bad language just happens to be part of our everyday conversation (IN THE HOUSE)- mostly as we scream at the TV watching the news about politics. :-) We don't talk like that outside and certainly not around children. I think its disgusting. Our neighbors across the street talk to their children exactly like what you wrote above. Except their words were "get your f'n a** in the house" and "you give me that sh*t again and I'll beat your a**" So they aren't swearing as if they were talking about other people, they are swearing at their kids. They are just a couple of pigs! Just sounds very very low class. My husband and I said if you talk to your children like that how are they going to be respectful as they grow (mind you we have no experience whatsoever raising kids, but we would never talk like that to our kids if we had any).
Yes I have children
Apparently you did not read my whole post.
Even little children need to feel they have some control over their lives ... like letting them pick between two different outfits for school, rather than telling them what they are wearing.
A safe and fair compromise is not a bad thing. The daughter will have to choose if she wants to cooperate or not. If she will not, there there is only so much you can do and she will have to experience the consequences.
Just because she has started handling her desire for independence in a not-so-great way does not mean she cannot do things differently after receiving more information and some thought. You have to allow teens the room to make smarter decisions along the way ... people DO learn and grow. That's the plan anyway. :)
I think I have to ban my mom from seeing my children (sm)
She lives 500 miles from us and sees them about twice a year usually, but every single time, she says inappropriate things around them. I end up asking her to please not tell them things like that and she gets angry at me and barely says anything for the rest of her visit. Yet the next time she sees them, it is the same thing all over again. It is as if she doesn't have a filter that tells her what to say and what not to say, and she talks incessantly. She talks about people who made her mad 30 years ago and what they did and she says it in a mean, angry voice and goes on and on. She talks about sexual things in front of them. She talks about ghosts and demons and how she has seen them and how the world is about to end, and on and on. Scaring them and also telling them things they shouldn't know. She started talking yesterday about my teenage nephew being propositioned by one of his friends who had decided he was gay....saying the boy asked him to "take his clothes off and do something". My 8 year old daughter started crying and told my mom it made her "feel weird" to hear that kind of stuff and to please not tell her anything else like that. My daughter knows what gay is but she doesn't understand why someone would want someone else to take their clothes off and she doesn't need to right now! Anyway, my mom went home last night but the kids are still asking once again about demons and ghosts and everything else. I love my mother but I am thinking from now on, I will go visit her by myself and not have her come here at all, and not let her see my kids until they are much older. Is this bad?
Boy men are such children - sm
my DH is a j*e*r*k like that too sometimes. He refuses to stay at my dad's house because he re-married so quickly after my mom died. (he wants to stay in hotel--which is very expensive where they live--....though we have not done it yet because as yet he has refused to go, so I go w/o him and the kids and I have lots of fun--he did go once 2 years ago though he made us stay at a friends apartment, very silly). There is more to it than that but that is a big part of it, and he thinks my stepmom's family thinks he is a loser. He is hung up on what people think about him and imagines slights, looks, etc. all the time, very hard to live with. But he know I will leave him in the dust and do what I want as he is acting like a 2-year-old. I would just go and not worry about him acting like a baby. If you stay home with him you will be mad, resent him for making you miss out spending time with your mom (which you will regret if something happened to her any time soon), and probably have a boring day at home while he watched football all day and you cook or twiddle your thumbs. He will probably never be the bigger person and bite his tongue and go, though he should. Men really are babies though at times.
Yea me and him have no children but
he does have a child of his own from a previous relationship. But his son does not like me and has nothing to do with me so I don't consider him of my child. He doesn't speak to me. I won't even get started on those issues.
I have 2 children. The first, a boy,
natural birth, lasted 12 hours, was very painful for me, at the end I was so weak - when I started out with my pregnancy I was underweight - that they had to inject me something that made my final contractions stronger.
The second, a girl, epidural. By far easier, but took also 12 hours. Most important is to get a gynecologist who has lots of experience with epidural deliveries. After the delivery I had in some trouble, I really felt bad until my system got rid of the anesthetic.
If I had to do it a 3rd time, I would definitely choose the epidural.
She would not get the children, not next of kin
even if put in will. I saw a picture of her and she looks strange herself, doesn’t she?
Happy Children
You don't know me or my children so you can't have any idea if they are happy or not.
And they are, very happy. They don't complain, they do what is needed and they have their activities, work, school, etc. They have great social lives and live life very fully, but with the expectation that things are done a certain way and if they aren't,there are reperucussions.
See my post above in a new thread, if you expect little, you get litte. It's that simple.
How is them staying together better for the children?
It would have been best for the children if these too goofs had used effective birth control and not brought innocent people into the mix, but since they did the best thing for those kids is to get K-Fed out of their lives as much as possible and hopefully Britney has the sense to hire a good nanny because she's no prize either.
I say mandatory sterilization is a great idea for these two clueless, selfish, immature, irresponsible people who had no business reproducing.
I don't have "kids" I have children
My children are goats, please don't call them "kids". Also, I never "whipped out a tit" as was posted earlier, I breast fed. My children weaned around 3 years old. The child on the plane was 22 months - just a bit shy of 3. Again, if you keep your face out of my breasts, you won't be able to see them.
meant to say other children not other other. nm
x
What about her 2 small children?
That is what really bugs me about her and her behavior. What kind of role model is this for her children?? Just irks me to death what she has been doing. I do not care that she has a nanny or someone watching those kids. Why did she have them????? if all she wanted to do was party and act like a spoiled brat?
I have had 11 pregnancies have two children....sm
There really is nothing anyone can say to you to offer you comfort...the words do mean something but it is a pain unlike any other I have ever had to endure....but I do believe God has a plan for everything, though I am not able to understand it. I can still feel the pain everytime someone around me would become pregnant and I would have to put on my "happy" face for them (and I was truly happy for them) and then go home and fall into my husband's arm and cry my heart out not understanding why....most of my miscarriages were within the first trimester and there was never any reason found...hormones always checked out....it just happened. Don't blame yourself and hold tight to your husband!
Then they need to pay for their own children, drugs,
alchol, whatever they want to do. Pay your own way, I have no problem with that.
I have heard children
"bark" at people! you can't control the outside world once again!
Children in restaurants
Changing the subject here - Jennifer, you are so right. Children in nice restaurants acting out, with their parents ignoring them so they can enjoy THEIR meals, is one of my pet peeves. From the looks I observe on other people's faces, I would guess that a lot of people feel this way. When we go to Denny's, we expect this. However, when my husband takes me to a really nice restaurant for a relaxing meal, that is the last thing we want to see or hear!
especially in front of children
Once I was waiting of food at Taco Bell and a girl was talking to an employee and bragging about how when she worked in another restaurant she and her co-workers stole so much "sh*t" over and continued to repeat the word as well a further other words my son didn't need to hear. Finally I said "Please, he is only 9, can you talk about something else. She did shut up after that.
My children were not breast fed and
incredible stable and social. They are both straight A students and are very well-rounded. Breast milk does many things, but it doesn't make a child perfect.
Hiring your own children
Does any one know where I can get information on the laws of hiring your own child to work for you?
When going to Montego Bay, I took not only my children
but also my daughters little friend down the street so she would have a playmate while there. My son was 15, my daughter 8 and the little neighbor girl around 10. This was in the 80s so times have changed. We could use our birth certificates then but that is thing of past. If you don’t have a passport by now unless getting in fast line and paying much more, probably could not have for summer. By the way, I took all 3 of the above on many trips to Florida, Walt Disney World and the like, Daytona, traveling to many locations so most times I like the pools myself.
children are dependents, their needs come first-
nm
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