No...not shallow, just overwhelmed...sm
Posted By: duckhunter's wife on 2008-02-27
In Reply to: Am I being shallow? Can't stand the man I am married to (sm) - Just me MT
Oh my...your story sounds familiar! My husband used to be very much like yours. We have the hunting dogs, dead ducks in the freezer, and even had a pigeon coop at one time. I truly believe that it becomes an addiction with them and they cant stop buying more hunting stuff, more training stuff etc. Mine, thankfully, was/is never abusive to our dogs and that is a line he will never cross. That said though..if he could figure out a way to dress me in cammo 24/7 he would actually think he had died and gone to heaven! The only advice I could give would be to sit him down let your voice be heard. I would not expect him to completely give it up though as it will never happen. Does he just train the dogs or hunting or does he participate in Hunt Tests/Field Trials? You might suggest he get into that and join the local dog club-it might teach him the correct way of training the dogs w/o the violence. Make a deal with him to get involved with that with him if he tones down the hunting lodge look around the house. I used to go and watch all the dogs run and actually enjoyed it.
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Am I being shallow? Can't stand the man I am married to (sm)
He was not like this when we were dating or first married - now after 14 years of marriage, all he can think about is hunting and fishing and training his hunting dog. He has built a barn in the back yard, refuses to move to a subdivision, keeps dead ducks for training his dogs in the fridge in his barn, has recently built a pigeon cage and regularly goes out before work to a pigeon trap and brings pigeons home, which he keeps in the cage unti he is ready to kill them for training his dog. I know, I know, a lot of people do this, but I don't want it in my yard and my life! He gets ticks on himself and leaves them until he is ready to pluck them off (yet wants to sleep in the bed with me). He has piles of junk around the barn outside and the yard looks awful. He absolutely refuses to even consider moving even though no one else wants to live here. He has camoflauge stuff all over the house and carport, hanging there drying, etc. He is also mean to the dogs. A couple of days ago one tried to come in the house and he kicked it - hard - so we got into an argument about that.
At this point I cannot even stand for him to touch me because I think of him as such an inhumane and gross person. But he asks me not to divorce him, and I do love him in a way. He has a professional job, is not a bad father. But to me he seems just so cruel and nasty. He is also critical of me, not very nice to me. He has his good points too. I'm so confused. Wondering if I am just shallow.
And maybe I am shallow because its not just the animal cruelty (sm)
It is the entire lifestyle. I just can't stand it. It is just repulsive to me. I don't want to go watch him field test his dogs while they throw dead ducks for them. I can't stand suffering or needless death. I just hate it.
Does anyone ever just feel overwhelmed
I'm a pretty together person. For the most part my demeanor is what I would call "blah-zay". I think I inherited that from my father. I have the attitute of whatever happens happens and deal with things as they come along and if you can't deal with it just go lay down with a bowl of popcorn and watch a good movie and chances are by the time the movie is over whatever was bothering me will be over too. I don't get "excited" easily and just altogether am a very easy going person (maybe because I never had kids). However.....lately, these past few days things have been getting to me so much that I feel like I'm going to scream. Mostly its the DH (and D does not stand for darling). It don't feel like I have any free time to myself to enjoy anything anymore. The only time he's not talking to me is when we're watching a movie or if he's out in his barn area piddling around out there. But even then he comes in every 20 minutes or so and is talking to me about things. And I'm not talking about just everyday things. ALL day long I get bombarded with talks of moving (we rent and he does not work because there are no jobs in this little town), so he talks about needing to move, what he's going to do, what he wants to do, the war, politics, preparing for the future, the neighborhood bully kid (which he really is a bully and I find it odd that all the families that had kids that used to play with him (there were 4 other families) have moved and now instead little gang members are coming around hanging around at his house playing loud music in their car while everything inside our house vibrates). Anyway....it's just a constant nonstop discussion of depressing news all day long at least once every half hour or so. It's gotten to the point where he's telling me the same thing over and over and over and I told him once I knew this because he has already told me this and so he then accused me of not being interested. I told him we don't need to discuss the same things over and over and over. He used to not always be like this. We've been married for over 35 years and we used to talk about fun and happy stuff, but over the past few months there is nothing positive that he talks about and when I try and "gently" bring up that everything he talks to me about is depressing then I get blasted with I'm not being realistic and I need to just watch the news every once in while to know what's going on in the world or read our local paper. But over the past 3 weeks or so it has been increasing so much that everytime he walks into the house I can feel myself sink into my chair to be embraced by the negativity that is about to come from him. I just don't feel I have any more time my myself anymore. There is nothing more than I would like for him to get a job or do something that gets him out of the house but in this little po-dunk town there is nothing (I keep checking too) so we do have to move for that, which we are ready to start doing. It's just a large task in front of us because it will take 3 moving trucks to move our stuff (we've acumulated way too much stuff over the years which we are trying to get rid of and then get it down to 2 trucks).
Anyway...some days I feel like I am just going to scream. I feel like something I can't see keeps choking me and beating me up every time he talks to me. Just getting very worn out and exhausted with the whole "life" issue. When you work and the only one supporting (thank god we don't have kids) and every single minute of my "rest" time is being eaten up by thoughts of gloom and doom it gets very very old. Every time he brings up something, I try and bring up a positive to it. I ask him what is the solution. He then looks at me like I'm crazy and tells me there is no solution. So then I ask him what can we do about it so that it won't be so negative in our life and he again looks at me like I'm crazy and he goes on with more depressing stuff. I told him once if we can't do anything about it to improve it why even talk about it and, well I won't even go there as to how our coversation went. I did tell him once that I feel like I need some sort of anti-depressant or a natural herb to help pick me up and we had a huge fight and he went on and on about how I was accusing him of making me feel this way. He's very very good at turning issues around to make it seem like it's always my fault.
Anyway...just wondered if others are going through this and what you do to try and relax (besides go to bed) :-) Is this what they call by "mid life crisis" - we are both in our early/mid 50s.
Just feeling a little overwhelmed...
This is really just a ramble so feel free to chime in if you want lol
I'm in my fourth week of being back to school. I take two classes per 8 weeks, work a part time MT job during the week (I say part time but I'm at it all day), and work as a cover MT for the hospital on the weekend. I'm trying to finish my psychology degree since I'm only 22 and really want to get a PhD one day. Unfortunately all of this, along with trying to sell our house is really catching up to me. I can't really cut back on any work right now because of bills and my husband is a carpenter so if anyone's seen the housing market right now you know he's not making a lot. I'm just not sure what to do. I was so excited to start back to school, and I am LOVING my classes, but there is a lot of reading/writing/researching involved, and it takes time. It's 11 pm and I just finished my English 102 test (I did get a 96 so that's cool) and finished my hospital files (why do people always go to the hospital on Sunday for something that can wait until Monday? i.e. had a rash for a week, starting to go away, but decided to come in and have it looked at.) and now I'm sitting here waiting for my program to upload and finish some files for my job during the week.
I have only been an MT for a year, and I'm really starting to go berserk with this profession. It seems like we really do a lot of work for nothing. No other "profession" has you working around the clock for maybe $400 a week!
Okay, I feel better. I'm going to go finish these files and try to get some shut eye so I can start all over tomorrow! javascript:editor_insertHTML('text','');
I've tried twice to do Flylady and both times was overwhelmed. Tell me...
how did you get into it? I really want to, but both times I felt like the Flylady was demanding I do more than I could (or was willing). Did you have that problem? If so, how did you get past it? I haven't looked at the website in a couple of years, so maybe it's changed, too. I'll definitely have to check it out again. You sound very pleased.
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