No, he is an adult and responsible for himself.
Posted By: anon on 2007-04-18
In Reply to: VT - this didnt have to happen
nm
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Too bad some responsible adult...
could not get those kids. We have a celebutard, immature, crazy mother against a wanna be anything hanger on who is only interested in money...some role models! I hope there is money put away for the therapy those kids will need. The parents even give white trash a bad name!
Yes, but if only 1 kid responsible, do you really think
the whole school would be given notice of being punished? Think about it. I am sure and anyone who does this type of work knows there are products out there to help a gaseous distention. My goodness. My DIA parapro here in Georgia and she tells me when her classroom children do things like this and she tells them to say excuse me - they tell her their parents don't mind. You all need to research this a little and I am sure you would be surprised as to whether medically related or attention getting actions.
You are not responsible for others
especially in an age group like this, just as you are not responsible for your parents. When you are grown, responsible for your own actions. Saying this did not have to happen- your life is written before you are born and no matter, that is already decided. This is the way it was supposed to be or never would have happened. I am not saying this is horrible situation but just the way these lives were supposed to start and if not this way, another way but I believe things are going to happen like your whole life is already planned out. Make plans but does not matter.
There are a lot of responsible and
a lot of irresponsible 15 year olds out there. In our state you can't get a license until you are at least16 and 3 months and then after driver's ed and behind the wheel. At 15 my son was definitely responsible enough. My daughter will be 15 in January and I don't know if I would say the same about her. You are the parent and you know your child and what they can and can't handle.
You are not responsible if he won't help himself (sm)
Tell him you think he needs to go to be observed a little while at the mental ward at the hospital. If he will not work and will not go get welfare, that is his problem, not yours. He should not expect you to take care of him if he won't even apply for welfare - anyone can fill out the paperwork for that, good grief. I think I would have to tell him off really well...or seriously tell him that since he won't do anything at all to take care of himself, he needs to go to a nursing home or mental hospital. Tell him you will have him committed.
be responsible and fix your cat.
nm
No matter how responsible you are
and how much time you spend with them, you cannot be there 24-7 to supervise them. That is completely unrealistic. Can we take them to the doctor, to the store, to the kids' school? Come on now.
There is a responsible way to crate an animal. No matter how much you train them, my labs still would have eaten anything in site for a certain period of time. There is no way I would leave them unattended to run my errands and chance them getting into something that could harm them. Regardless of the material objects as you call them, they could get hurt.
Also, a child does need a crib and a playpen. To say that those are used so that you do not have to supervise your kids is ridiculous. Everyone has to go to the restroom at some point. Should we carry them everywhere or perhaps let them run around so they can get into something that would harm them until we finish our business? Wow....
I believe a pediatrician would even tell you that those are necessary in raising a healthy child, and I am not talking about someone who puts their kids in a playpen all day instead of spending time with them either.
sounds like you have a very responsible son!
that's awesome. He hasn't pushed the issue so I may just wait until he asks again. i also need to check the policy at school regarding boys wearing earrings.
no, it is not all a matter of responsible
ownership. There have been very loving responsible owners themselves attacked by their own dogs. A popular dog breed can be overbred indiscriminately and ruined. Unfortuntately this breed is too unpredictable. I've always been around animals, large and small and have both now. I would never have a pit bull. I visit my friend less often now who now has one, and won't get out of the car if it is loose. Not to mention that these dogs don't just bite, which would be bad enough, they instinctively go for the kill. I haven't read the link you provided yet, but do NOT believe that breed-specific legislation is stupid. This particular bill may be over the top, but breed-specific laws are brought on by a need, and wouldn't get off the ground without plenty of facts on record to support it.
A responsible owner would never allow...sm
Their pitbull to wander around public. That is why we have attacks. Owners should be responsible and keep them as well as any dog in a fenced in yard. Or if out in public on a leash. Mine will never be wandering around in public on its own. That is totally irresponsible. If I saw a pitbull out in public I would be cautious myself.
Dear Responsible
I think responsible and owner of pitbull somehow just does not go together.
The owners who are not responsible are ...sm
the problem. I would be mad too if I went out and was approached by a pit bull who growled at me, and I own a pitbull. He should be kept in his owners yard or home. No dog, pit or otherwise, should be allowed to roam around the neighborhood.
I fully understand you being furious. I would be too.
You are not responsible for any loonies out there
By having feedback like I got from this site, gave me an understanding of how to approach this sorta awkward situation. You just have people out there that seem to thrive on what they perceive to be right and what is the actual truth.
Yes. Make your teenager responsible for as much as she can pay for.
and maybe a little more. Don't make it easy. Make sure that she has to work a little (not so much that grades suffers), has to budget, and plan and take the responsibility of driving seriously. This is more than likely the most dangerous thing your child has done so far her life. Make sure she understands that. It's not a social thing, a drive-around-with-your-friends thing. Preparing a young person for driving responsibilities is life and death.
Unfortunately, in the last three yeas, I've been to three funerals for teenage drivers -- all of whom were out of control in every aspect of their lives. Our state does not allow children to become licensed drivers until age 16-1/2. Our house rule was age 17. We did pay for the driver's ed, because it was pricey, our sons truly could not afford it, and we wanted our boys to have ever chance to learn to drive safely. Even though we taught them ourselves, as well, sometimes kids hear better what total strangers say to them! Also, I had a rule during permit driving sessions with my boys. They were never allowed to argue with me while we drove together. I was the teacher. I knew more than them. No arguing over anything, or else I terminated the lesson, car was pulled over, I drove home and that was the end until I felt we were ready for another driving lesson. That rule drove home how serious a responsibility driving is. I only had to do it once to one of my sons.
My oldest was lucky enough to inherit is grandfather's pristine 1991 Toyota (38,000 original miles) when pop-pop no longer could drive. It's a decent, dependable car. My son pays for repairs and gas. We pay for the insurance at this point, simply because we live in a big eastern city, and insurance is sky high. But, our son is also paying his own college tuition, so I have no problem helping him out with the insurance on his car.
This is a big deal. Make sure your daughter grasps the gravity of the responsibility. Don't argue with her about anything. These decisions have to be made by the parents, because it's a health and safety issue for your daughter and everyone else on the road with her.
Make him responsible for the decision
If he wants to switch schools and give up the scholarship, tell him he has to get the funding to do it. I had to do the same thing with my daughter. She gave up a good scholarship at a great private school for pharmacy because she wanted to come back closer to home to be around her boyfriend. She ended up having to take out the loans to pay for it.
There is nothing written in stone that says we have to pay for our children's educations. It is nice if you can help as a parent, but I think kids learn much more if they have some of their own resources invested.
Dear Ms Thinks she is responsible
Truely funny how pitbull owners go on the defensive with what other dogs do. I am sure animal control knows how to be around and handle but even these people are attacked by these dogs. I rescue animals (not these as I want no responsibility for their acting out)but where I rescue these dogs are not adopted out, just put down. Even the people who are in the "know" so to speak do not want to be responsible.
YOU are not responsible for his debts, HIS ESTATE is....
You should read the posts better.
Was your brother your stepbrother and your mother your stepmother?
Therefore you did not care to help in locating your stepnephew/niece, so that they can get their shares?
No, you can not be held responsible for their bill -
nm
You shouldn't feel responsible....
As mean as it sounds, you have put up with it and YOU have decided for yourself that enough is enough and if you tell him so and IF he bounces back to alcoholism, then basically he is a grown man and that is HIS choice, you cannot let it affect you or make you feel responsible.
My sister-in-law is in the same boat as far as her husband being an alcoholic. It has put so much stress on her and their children and it has been going on about 15 years. He won't seek help though and she won't leave him. She just says that she is hoping one day he wakes up and sees what a good wife she is. I feel bad for her that she has wasted so much time on someone like that.
You are only responsible for changing your behavior, not someone elses
I am the product of a divorce years and years ago and thank goodness my mother had enough sense to not stay with my father. He was actually caught running around on her with other women. I knew my father growing up, spent time with he and my stepmom, loved her but I missed absolutely nothing by not having him in my house every day. You are responsible for your own self-. The advice you are giving is like saying a man messes around on a woman, drinks too much and maybe after the marriage he will change. You can only make yourself happy, no one else can do that for you. I have never had a time when I could not stand my husband, never and I would believe he probably feels the same. We laugh when others say they have to work at marriage- we just do not get this. Like I said, product of divorce, happily married myself, never missed my father, saw him but never, ever close in my life. By the way, I am one of the older and wiser group also.
Because you breed out of wedlock then that makes you a responsible person?
Sorry, not where I come from. I am so glad I did not bring home (well years ago it just WAS NOT done) children. If a female got pregnant, sent away to an unwed mother home, most of the time the child given up for adoption. When I was growing up you did not pop out babies right and left without a husband. I have had more than my share of responsibility, been able to stand on my own 2 feet and provide really well for my family. I made the right decision for me and do not regret and have never looked back on my decisions.
I completely believe Howard Stern is responsible for both Daniel
much for it just to be overdoses in two cases. I don't buy it.
I see where you are coming from because I would be nagged by guilt and feeling responsible
for the problem. I have those tendencies too. No way should you cash your IRA for a car.
O talks about our government being fiscally responsible and his wife is wearing $500 designer shoes.
It's not "her money to spend as she pleases." It's my money, your money, his money, her money. O better put up or shut up and that means his family too. No more big talk about the deficit, fiscal responsbility, and redistribution of wealth when when his wife is walking around in designer duds. Am I the only person that sees hypocrisy in that?
I had them as an adult (sm)
I had braces from about 27 to 31 years old. It was painful - but definitely worth it. I had a crossbite that was embarassing to me for years. You will get used to wearing the braces and won't be so self-conscious soon - it's just because they're new that it's bothering you right now. And it will be worth it when you're done!
adult boy
Thank you. I hate it when people blast others.
I have adult ADD....
as well as depression, anxiety and OCD. After battling for years with just the depression symptoms, there were still concerns in my life which I thought medication and therapy could fix but didn't. These things drove me crazy...Not being able to finish a project - for example a crochet throw I have been working on for over 5 years, various projects started and left hanging, never able to keep at the same task, etc. Now with the help of Adderall I am able to focus for a few hours at a time (I do have withdrawal effects) and I am able to work with less distraction. It has not been a cure-all, but it has brought me some peace of mind being able to get my work done in a reasonable period of time, rather than having the constant urges to do other things.
he was an adult, by our standards, and would have been--sm
accountable for his own actions if he had been arrested and sent to trial. However, if there was familial abuse involved which perpetuated this act of violence, it should be addressed in some manner, but not for the parents to be held accountable for what he did as a result of it. Sometimes even knowing about a person's difficulties is not enough to change them or prevent them from doing something horrible like this. Obviously there were a lot of people, in retrospect, who felt this person had severe problems and they chose to do nothing about it either. He was seeing a therapist, but should the therapist be held accountable, as well? It just comes down to every one being accountable for their own actions.
on adult swim
I've seen it.....What about The Boondocks or South Park? I have too have a sick and twisted sense of humor.....
Adult Behavioral Changes
Call a neurologist who specializes, one who may probabably also have a PhD in Psych. Go in by yourself if you have to and describe what you are experiencing and maybe he or she can give you some direction and information that may help you have your husband evaluated. There are tests he can administer and others that he can send him out for. There are several things that come to mind, but without evaluation this is speculation. It is possible that after you consult a neurologist that he may send you out for evaluation by either a psychologist or psychiatrist, or both. Maybe he has family members or good friends who will help you to encourage him to be evaluated? No matter the outcome, it is best if you consult someone professional who can steer you in the right direction. Best wishes to you. I will be thinking of you. Let us know how this works out.
Legally, yes, but how adult were you at 18? nm
m
Perks of being an adult
Sometimes I feel like it really stinks to be an adult with all the responsibilities and stress and I'd love to go back to being a child. What are the little perks of being an adult that you have found?
I found a simple one this morning...I picked all the marshmellows out of the last bit of Lucky Charms to have extra in my bowl.  No I won't dare tell my 10yo I did that.  I thought it was a better alternative to having a brownie for breakfast which is what I really wanted!
You're obviously the only ADULT between the two
Someone has to teach your daughter to have the money in hand for things you want; otherwise, when will she ever learn to work for what she wants? Handing it over BEFORE the money is made is a huge mistake.
I watched my husband do this with our son and he always said he would pay us back but he needed it NOW because it was on sale or some such garbage. He would be given more labor intensive chores around the house to make the money but never paid us back.
No matter how much I told my son he was not going to get a penny out of me without the job done first, my husband always went behind my back and bought it beforehand, gave it to him, and of course my son had absolutely no motivation to pay for anything. Long story short, he is now 23 years old and still doesn't get the point of working to pay for what you want.....
My husband is very good with money, as am I, but I was raised to pay for what you want and not on credit. Children really need to learn this lesson early on. I was always surprised my husband handed everything over to him because husband worked since he was 12 years old at jobs the labor laws would never allow now! If he wanted anything, he paid for it himself.....the end!! No discussion!
Our son is still loafing around in college, home for summer now, supposed to have a job but of course does not because he knows his dad will not do anything about it, and if I say anything, I get chewed out and disrespected by our son because he knows I have no back up.
You stick to your guns and do what is right..... you do not want her to turn out like that! Her tears will go away. She wanted to umpire, let her umpire and I would definitely tell her how her first responsibility is to umpire. NO CREDIT FOR A TEENAGER!! EVER!
I too met my "father" as a teen/adult.
I had always asked questions. My mom was always very honest when she felt we could handle it about why they broke up (he was abusive). He contacted my brother and me when I was 16. I met him, found out he wasn't my "dad" since that was someone who would have at least been there for me when I needed him or to even know so I consider my "father" as a sperm donor. I am glad I did meet him and have closure (like someone else mentioned) because I think I would have always been curious but I didn't pursue a relationship with him. My father-in-law has been a real dad to me but my blood relative father is not a dad.
I agree with what someone mentioned too that your mom may not have been totally honest, wanting you to not want to pursue meeting him. I was lucky, my mom never badmouthed him when we were growing up even when we had all these questions about him, why they didn't stay married, what it would be like if they had stayed together and everything else. I realize now of course my mom was smart to have gotten out at the beginning. Once an abuser always an abuser so I'm relieved now. If you want to talk about it more let me know and I'll send you my e-mail.
I am teaching an adult class sm
but will use this same lesson when we start back with our weekly youth meetings in the fall. I got the idea for this lesson from Fannie Flagg's book Can't Wait to Get to Heaven. The book is obviously fiction but has a "quirky" (most all the characters in the book are quirky-think Mayberry) person's take on heaven when she dies for just a short time and visits heaven. The book is a wonderfully funny read (just a few swear words but it is very clean). I have read all of her books and thoroughly enjoyed them all. Thank you for responding.
Maybe you can try adult conditioner. My daughter SM
has thick curly hair. I would wash it every day. She never did mind my combing or brushing it. You could also try one of those plastic brushes with bristles wide apart.
My daughter is now 32 and does her own hair.
Adult ADD? Never diagnosed but wondering (sm)
So all my life I have been disorganized, first it was papers hanging out everywhere from my notebook, now it is everything in the world stuffed in my purse. My mind wanders all the time. I do transcription but flip back and fourth between here and my work and my e-mail and other things on the net that interest me. And i have to have background noise while I do all this. My house gets very cluttered and than I have to work like a maniac to get it cleaned up but still things are kind of in haphazard places, not really organized. I just always feel overly busy, overly tired, and behind on everything. So....could I have ADD? Or am I just too busy, bored with sitting in front of the computer, and disorganized??
I was actually dxd with adult ADD several years back sm
by a psychiologist. I had symptoms similar to yours and was being treated for depression at the time and sent by my psychiatrist to this person who gave me a computer test and then gave me the same test 6-8 weeks later on medication to see if the results were different - and they definitely were. If I recall correctly it had to do with reaction times and how long my concentration was, etc. The results were a little shocking. I think I knew for years I had it - my oldest son was dxd years ago but it was just kind of lurking in the back of my mind and didn't come forward until I started having serious problems with getting my work done and making a decent living at MT... I finally took medication upped my BP so badly I had to quit. I just try to go with the flow now - I have white noise playing in the background while working, shut my door, note on it not to bother me unless house is on fire, set goals for myself and treat myself with done with work and try hard not to let emails and IMs distract me. I leave all my other chores until the very last minute/second and then rush to complete and am always late and cook everything on high and burn or overdo things as always in a hurry - can't remember all of the other things I do - they have just become a part of me. I did do much better on medication and if I seriously needed again would definitely look into another one.
My very first boxer as an adult had kennel
cough. I rescued her from a pet shop under similar circumstances. She had been there with her brother and her brother died. I refused to let her die in a pet store so brought her home took her to the vet and got her started on medication. The first month was rough, there were nights I just sat in bed and held her, she felt so miserable. She finally got through it and after that rocky start she lived to the age of 13.5 with not another medical problem the rest of her life.
Why don't you be a mom and take care of your daughter until she is an adult? sm
Boyfriend, spoiled, blah, blah. You are her parent. You need to provide her a place to live until she is old enough to do so herself. I would either allow her to move in with you and your boyfriend or I would rent her a place to live. She is not old enough to be expected to find a roommate and pay all her own bills yet. If you had done your job to begin with she wouldn't be spoiled or having such issues.
18 IS legally considered an adult.
x
sounds like you will have to be the adult in this situation as the ex is not ---
and follow the mother's lead - she knows her daughter, she sees/hears the tantrums and probably way more often than you; she is being the adult in the situation as you are, so don't lose it.
food for thought: she was hurting at the funeral. sometimes people put all their hurts in one pocket and never deal with it, never heal. gram died, the pocket opened and out it all came. you may be only one situation she put away for a rainy day.
The nicest adult I know is my BEST FRIEND, because
She still likes me even though she now lives clear across the country and has new friends there. Emails me all the time, and makes it a point to get together when she's in town. She has never ever said anything mean or derrogatory to me or about me. She has also given me moral support when I was depressed, or recovering from surgery. I dont know of ANYONE who doesn't like her. Pretty rare, these days!
I'm also a big fan of adopting ADULT cats!
I don't have the time nor storage space to 'kitten-proof' my tiny, cluttered apartment. I like how quickly an adult cat will come to love me (usually just a couple days - in the case of my current one, about 2 seconds!) Also how quickly they adopt daily routine similar to mine.
They aren't totally non-destructive (I doubt if there is such an animal). One insists on sharpening her claws on my good faux-Persian rug in the living room, pulling little tufts out of it. So I try to keep them well-trimmed. The other one likes to barf up hairballs on the light tan carpet that stains more easily, but those "oxy" types of cleaners work on those.
Other than that, it's just the occasional object they may knock over and break (which I try to keep out of their reach), or the hair everywhere, which is just part of life with any pet.
I agree with the other posters, though - I wouldn't want to live without them, so I guess I'll just have to deal with the occasional mess.
Legally an 18 year old is an adult, so
therefore not a minor, however ethically a teacher should not be messing around with a student.
I knew about 2 happening in adult because
my father was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of approximately 87 or so but it also ran in his family, his mother died years earlier from renal failure, long before dialysis was around. I had always thought with type 1 that was from childhood and the doctor today said it was 1 if it ran in the family. My husband was diagnosed several years before he had to start on medications as he kept under control with diet alone, watching what he eats and not overdoing plus checking blood sugars. Thanks for your input.
curfews and adult children
We went through this with both our kids, and repeatedly I tried to get it through their heads (okay, thick skulls, lol!) that I worry about their safety, that I NEED to know that they're safe. I told them also that their driving privileges could be revoked if I saw fit (I'm not sure they believed I would actually do that, though, and I ended up never needing to go that far). But the main thing that I think finally got through to them is that I really do genuinely worry. I can't sleep peacefully when they're home from college or home visiting now, if they're not back under the roof here when they say they will be. (I don't have as big an issue with that when they're at college or living in their own place; then, a once weekly call is enough to keep my quiet!) I've also been known to ask for extra contact numbers of their friends, in case their cell phone dies or they lose it or whatever (yes, it has happened, and the extra contact numbers have come in handy). But the agreement with the extra contact numbers is that I won't use them unless there is a true emergency here or they haven't checked in at their agreed upon frequency. They don't want me to embarrass them to their friends because Mommy is checking up on them.
Whether it is safe for an 18-year-old to be out after midnight is perhaps a relative question - relative to where you live, what the night-life in your area is like, how many deer cross the backroads randomly during deer season, whether you live in an urban area with a lot of party clubs that 18yo kids don't need to be tempted to visit, etc. You get the idea.
But first and foremost, get it through her head that you need to know that she is safe, that she needs to check in with your regularly if she's going to be out late.
As for my kids - we got through those rocky years, and now when I go to visit them, they expect ME to call THEM to let them know that I arrived home safely. Life is good!
We had no curfews for our adult children.
And I consider 18 an adult.
As each of our children reached age 18, we had a frank discussion with them and laid out what we expected of them. We told them that they were now basically non-paying roommates. Because we loved them and wanted to give them a boost into adult life, we kept our home open to them, paid their living expenses, and supported them in pursuit of their dreams. But as parents, we worry. All curfews and restrictions were dropped the day they turned 18. They didn't have to tell us where they were going or what they were doing. But we asked that they not worry us. We requested that they give us approximate times of coming and going. I needed to know whether they would be eating with us, and basically at what hour I should start worrying if they hadn't returned home. I also asked that since we were paying their tuition (high school and college) that they keep good grades. Our first son was not a great student, and we told him that we did not consider paying his way to college a good investment of our hard-earned money. We asked him to prove his seriousness by working, attending community college full-time and paying the community college tuition himself. He did that, received good grades, and then transferred to a state university with our blessing and tuition assistance. Since our sons drove our cars, we told them that we would not allow them the use of our car if they stayed out later than expected without calling home or had any driving issues, or God forbid, drinking. Any major infractions, drugs, drinking, legal issues, and we'd close our home to them, as well.
The discussion was very honest. They told us what they wanted from us, too, which was to be treated as adults. That was fine with us. We gave them quite a bit. A place to live, a car to drive, an education, and respect. They gave us respect in return, and actually never stayed out very late. On occasion, if stayed out longer on weekends, they called or left text messages so that we wouldn't worry if their plans went later than expected.
Children need to learn to act like adults. We have to treat them as adults, but it's also fine to give them a bit of help as they head out into the world on their own. If your child is a responsible teenager, likely the transition to adulthood won't be so bumpy (but do expect a few bumps). Just sit down and talk about expectations, listen to your child, and come to an agreement. I think that I enjoy my adult relationship with my children much more than I did when they were young. And after all, if we live out even an average life span, we will know our children as adults much longer than we know them as children. Best to get use to them being adults!
I wore them as an adult for 18 months - sm
Nobody likes wearing them, but you will eventually get used to them and what you can and cannot do while wearing them and practically forget they are there. I know I am SO glad I did because I have a pretty smile now and no overlapping teeth. Hang in there!!!! 
My dad told me that after 18 I was an adult, but as long as I was under his and my mom's roof th
right to impose a few rules since they were paying the bills. (I could keep all the money I made.) If I didn't want to abide by them I could move out or pay them rent, either one, and then I could come and go as I pleased.
Be strong - your parents should respect you as an adult
Instead it seems like they are treating you like a child, expecting you to cater to their whims.
You can respectfully but firmly say to them that while you appreciate having extra time with them, the plans to go to your in-laws were made long ago and you have to respect them, also.
I'm sure your parents were aware of all this when they changed their plans. Just don't let them guilt you into doing something you will regret.
Stand strong, sista!
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