No, but change in behavior might cause me to look for MySpace or other
Posted By: "diary" type of websites. Suspect something? on 2007-10-23
In Reply to: would you or have you ever spied on your under-18 children? If so, what prompted it? sm - SP
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And again, she cannot change his behavior, only hers
will not back down on that one. Lots of reason for divorce. Staying because of the children is an absolute wrong way to work at a marriage. She finds him disgusting, surely the children notice or they will when they age a little. I would not care if I had 10 children hanging onto my apron strings, would not want to stay somewhere that I am so unhappy I ask outsiders what they would do. My mother divorced in a time when no parents divorcing, believe it or not, and when I went to elementary school I was asked why no daddy. I turned out well, felt it had no adverse effect on me. Saw him, didn’t see him, ?? Really loved my stepmom though. He did do a good thing right in his life by bringing her into it.
So you can pinpoint her behavior change. What is her history before she came to you? nm
nm
Myspace for 13-yo
I frequent another board and someone has asked about her 13-yo son having a myspace site. She is not getting any response, so I thought I would post it here. What is the consensus on this. For one thing, though, myspacers are supposed to be 14yo minimum. My only advice for him having a myspace would be that she could learn a lot about his friends because kids post so much on myspace, blogs, comments, etc. Other than that - I didn't think it was a good idea - but that in itself might be a good reason to let him have one - and only if she had the ability to monitor it - what do you all think?
My son is 12 and he WAS on myspace SM
I had him delete his profile. I said maybe this summer, and he keeps begging to get back on. The one thing I found was the profound language used on this site. Also, it is not monitored so anything goes. Yes, my husband and I monitored his web pages and found he had access to quite a few racey sites through my space. He also right in front of my eyes clicked on a cloud icon that suddenly appeared as I was watching, and it was a video definitely not for young eyes. I also found when he was on myspace that he spent endless hours on the computer and lost interest in the other things he enjoys such as skateboarding. I was convinced he would somehow join a gang. I will not make such a long post, but please tell your friend and be forewarned that a lot of what goes on at that site is not for young eyes and be prepared to have this kid sink further and further into cyberspace. I keep fending my son off, but is such the cool thing for kids right now. An alternative is AIM pager. He has some friends at school that have screen names, and he is liking this a lot. He is limited on computer time however since he plays sports. 
I'm no big myspace, fan, but.... (sm)
The kids are all over it, I guess it's one of those generational things....
If I were she, I'd insist that he not use his real name anywhere (like the site name, on the site) and understand why, that he have a protected/restricted page where you can't even view the profile unless you're already on his friends list (that way he can give his URL to his friends then they can send a friend request and he can let them in), and that she either make her own myspace page and him friend her or that she have his username and password so she can get on his site that way.
The kids seem to have fun with it, and I don't think it's inherently bad, but like anything else I think carries risks that you have to weigh out. The best thing that she can do IMO is create her own myspace profile and check it out and learn about how it works so she can monitor his usage better.
Anyone here on Myspace? ..nm
Unfortunately, myspace is all about
Which is why I only visit facebook now. For some reason, there's not all the drama on facebook that there is on myspace. I think myspace is more for the younger people, and the drama queens. You might do better getting a facebook and having your sister and family sign up there too. I love it!
BTW, don't give haters the pleasure of upsetting you. You have a beautiful family I'm sure and don't let anyone make you second guess that! I agree, it is very VERY immature for grown women to attack someone's children...but then again, you are dealing with myspacers!
Yes, he can see who has viewed his MySpace
I can't remember exactly what you have to type in, but I get the emails every once in a while that have the directions to see who has visited my profile and how often. I think it says stalker something in the directions.
one has to be 18 to do pages at myspace
myspace is most definitely monitored....
The owner's name is Tom (forgot his last name) and he was on American Idol last week for the American Idol Gives Back Telethon. If any child is using a page at myspace, that child had to tell a big fib on his/her age to get that page.
As a matter of fact, myspace works with AMW (America's Most Wanted) and other police departments looking for predators! What they do not monitor though is the foul language or they apparently allow that (freedom of speech and all that).
I put the bow wow trivia on my myspace!
4 dogs, 4 cats, 2 gerbils and a bird.
I use FB and myspace, have for years....sm
BUT, I have rules for myself:
- I NEVER put last names, EVER of anyone.
- I never put pics up without making it private for only my approved friends.
- If I put pics of friends/family up, I ask their permission first, and usually just say "my cousin" or "my sis" without using their names, if they are my friends, they already know their names and I don't need to put them.
- I don't approve "friends" who are people I don't know. Everyone on my myspace and FB are people I grew up with and got reacquainted, or family, or friends I know in person right now, not random people I've never met.
- I put the state I live in, but not the town. I don't put any other personal info up, and my profile pic isn't a close up pic of my face, its a full body shot with a beach in the background, so you can't even see my face without seeing the full size version of the picture, which is in the photos section, which again you can't see unless you are on my friends list.
I've done this for years, and I haven't had any problems, and I ask family that if they put pics of me up, to either put only my first name, or no name at all and just like my cousin, or my good friend, not my name. I have googled myself for years with various things, my maiden name, city or state I live in, and have never been able to find myself online except one exerpt that was in a web site where I gave them permission to use my name.
Its all in how you handle things, you have to be very aware of the info you share. I also have a yahoo e-mail account that is strictly for registering for sites including FB and myspace, that has NOTHING to do with my own personal e-mail addy, so no one has access to my personal e-mail addy either, just the random one I've made for all registering.
Sadly most people don't think of those things, and I say to each their own, if you don't want to do it, don't do it, and if you want to, be careful and aware.
Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
I read a book once with the above title. I can't remember the author. He has done a lot of testing (and imaging) and says that often people actually have small amounts of brain damage they are not aware of that cause chronic behavioral issues.
He says that even little incidents of falling off a bike, etc. can cause damage that people aren't aware occurred.
I'm not saying this is your son's case, but I think you will have to keep investigating. Even with those who have damage, they are able to use meds to help the brain compensate for the affected area, which helps greatly.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It has to be awful for the whole family and hurtful to know your son is feeling in such a way to act that way.
I'm sure there is an answer somewhere. I hope you find it soon! - Please keep us posted.
I like Facebook better, had a myspace page - sm
which I have since cancelled, was approached by a couple guys looking to hookup (one told me what a good lover he was-- yuck, what a turn-off especially coming from a complete stranger) which ticked me off as I clearly stated I was married, etc, then again that is probably why they contacted me. Told each of them off and never heard from them again for which I was glad. Cancelled my account soon after that. But got on Facebook a about 8 months ago and some old friend "found" me back in February and since then have gotten back in touch with about 30 people I grew up with, kind of cool, exchanged a few emails here and there. Just dug out some old class pics over the weekend and plan to post them there, ought to be funny, another girl dug out some, and I have found more so we all get a kick out of it.
You cannot change kids. Can only change the way
x
It seems to me the key here is whether this behavior sm
is a change from his previous actions, or whether he was always like this and is getting worse. If the latter, your marriage doesn't sound like it's worth working on, not just because of his behavior (which would be repulsive to me), but because you obviously don't have any positive feelings for him anymore. As a member of a strong Christian church which also advocates that the man is the head of the family, this kind of behavior would be completely unacceptable. Men are to treat their wives with respect and understanding.
If it is a change from his behavior when you were first married, he may have a serious medical or emotional problem. If so, and he doesn't get help, things may just get worse. Good luck to you.
Odd cat behavior
Does anyone know why my female cat would meow/cry loudly almost as if in distress when I use the oven? It's really starting to freak me out, like maybe it is going to blow up or something and she's trying to warn me. It seems to be working fine as far as I can tell and this has been going on a while now. Any ideas?
Bad Behavior
Apparently it was Megan's brother who was heckling Kara the night before and yelled out "broken record". Kara went up to him after and confronted him two different times. Megan seemed to get a big ego rather quickly. I think her mood came down to a screeching hault when Simon said they weren't even going to bother letting her sing again. Someday she is going to look back and cringe at that spectacle
Bad behavior............. sm
It has been said that people will treat us as badly as we allow them. Don't believe yourself to be unworthy of good treatment because that would only set the relationship up for more bad or possibly worse treatment in the future. Hold out for someone who treats you well and treasures the opportunity to be in your company. He is out there and he is the one who is worthy of your time.
From the behavior you describe... sm
And the fact that you said he's old, it sounds to me like this guy is senile or has other mental problems going on. BUT, I think it would be a mistake to assume he isn't dangerous just because he's a little old guy who seems a little off. I also think you should notify the local police about him. He might be a danger to himself, if not others. If nothing else, he's a nuisance and should be reported.
I'm also someone who has all doors and windows locked at all times, and I don't open the door to strangers. Sometimes I do feel like I'm a little bit paranoid, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I also have the car doors locked when I'm driving anywhere.
I'm amazed that anyone leaves doors and/or windows unlocked, but I know it happens. My mother-in-law and father-in-law, for example? OMG. They never lock their doors! They live in a small mobile home park for seniors, in a small-ish town, and my MIL feels like it's safe. What really kills me is, she doesn't lock their doors at night, and she takes out her hearing aids to sleep, so she wouldn't even hear anything if someone did come in their home at night! She says "Oh we have great neighbors. Everyone watches out for each other." What?! Crazy. And this is a woman who loves to read true crime novels and watches court TV and knows about the things that can happen. She worked as a legal secretary for decades and is very intelligent in all areas but this one. I just can't understand it. They don't live near us, but when we go to visit, I go around and lock all the doors at night. Otherwise, I'd never get to sleep!
As a side note, there is an excellent book called 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin DeBecker. I highly, highly recommend it to all women. Get a copy today! I also like a show on the Discovery Channel called 'It Takes a Thief.' It's very enlightening about just how easy it is for criminals to break into most homes.
That's my 2 cents. Stay safe, ladies! :o)
There is also the behavior issue of (sm)
submissive piddling.
You can buy something called a Belly Band for him to wear in the house. If he dribbles with it on, he gets himself wet, so this can teach him not to let that happen. I've just heard that not all pet stores call it a Belly Band or know what that is, but you can Google something like house training, canine belly band, and you can read about it and maybe order on line.
Corgis are so cute. You can post pictures here on the gab board.
Behavior changes in husband
I have searched the internet for some clues to what is described below but not even sure what key words to enter in a search.
Anyway, husband is 46 and exceedingly fit and athletic his whole life. Behaviorally and genetically he is prone to accentuated mood highs and lows, not quite bipolar probably but close. Runs heavily in his family. He tends toward aggression, bullying and denial at times. Childish at times, even naive, very literal even though highly educated. All the above has been increased by about double (particularly the childishness in behavior and decision-making) in the past year and it is nearly intolerable. He often doesn't process what I say or else is just not listening to me. I have to repeat things over and over and worst of all, he makes poor decisions about things and I often feel like I'm living with an 8-year-old. I am stressed on an almost constant basis. Alzheimer's came to mind but couldn't find anything that really fit in looking at symptoms. Is there the possibility of mental illness manifesting itself at this age?
behavior problems
We have had and still have behavior problems with our son and he is ADHD, have you had your child tested? He also has ODD, which stands for oppisitional definance disorder. He sees a therapist on a regular basis and it has helped tremendously with his behavior.Your school psychologist is not very good or qualified if he has not referred you to any outside help. Your pediatrician should be able to help you out and point you in the right direction.
Terrier behavior sm
We had a part terrier (not pit bull) who destroyed everything in sight when we left her, sailed over a 6-foot fence, took clothes and glasses and buried them in the ground, etc. She literally was a "goat" and the payoff was when she ate the living room couch when I had 20 people coming over and it was Christmas Eve. When I called the shelter they told me that if I brought her there and she did that with someone else, they would have kept bringing her back and she would eventually be euthanized. Sixteen years and a lot of furniture later, she finally died of old age. When she was 10, she began to get a little better, but we put up with an awful lot. I have talked to others who have had "terrier" type dogs who did crazy things when left alone. I don't think the dog will change, but good luck. I have Uncle Matty videos, green apple spray (she liked it) and tons of self-help books for owners of dogs as mentioned. All I can say is good luck, you have to have patience, common sense and a sense of humor. I hope there's a reward somewhere for what we put up with as animal lovers but I did not have the heart to see this crazy, one-black eyed dog being put down, so I kept her and kept trying. She ate the shingles off the house, a brand new shed, a few couches, some kitchen cabinets, and the list goes on......it's true. Animal Lover here! You could buy a kong at the pet store and put peanut butter in it (or several) to keep the dog busy for awhile, but when that's empty, expect the next best thing to disappear.
Kids behavior
How a child acts at home is not an indicator of how he/she acts when away from home and parents, no matter what is taught in the home. It is always good to get the whole scoop from others who were there exactly what happened before you go off on anybody. It just could be that the other mom is sitting there angry because of what your child might have done to her child that she might have felt the need to defend herself against. I learned this from experience. I thought I had the perfect angel also, raised with good morals, two-parent home, involved in church, no bad behavior at home, but found out I was dead wrong when watching a video from the school (also a private grade school). Just something to think about.
need some insight into son's behavior
I wonder if anybody has any insight into my son's behavior and performance in school. His dad and I have talked until we are blue in the face and we have also left him alone and have given him space regarding his grades. Neither causes any change. He just keeps telling us he doesn't care about high school and that it does not matter. He has no respect for the teachers (not many of them take teaching very seriously, in all honesty, so I can't much blame him for that) and he doesn't feel like he should try since they don't.
This is a kid who scores in the 98 to 99th percentile on standardized testing. He is SO smart, friendly, outgoing, quick-witted, and for the most part respectful. He doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs. He plays guitar in the praise band at church. He is a good kid, but he just refuses to do his school work.
This has been a struggle for the past 4 years of high school. He is supposed to graduate in May, but the last 9 weeks report card came today and he got 2 F's, a D and a C. The 2 F's were gimme classes, believe it or not. If he doesn't bring those up to average a passing grade he won't graduate. It makes me sad, confused, frustrated beyond belief, worried, just to name a few emotions.
He says he thinks he has ADD but I think he just WANTS to have it so he can have a pass, so to speak. I think it could be some deeper problem, like our family dynamics, playing a role. Does anybody have any ideas on how this boy can be inspired to rise to meet even the smallest challenge?
Regardless of her ridiculous behavior,
she sang horribly & was annoying to watch perform. No great loss...
And her behavior is just despicable, you are right
to be angry.
Who needs 'friends' like that?
Dump her!
Is this new behavior or just increased lately? sm
If it is not new, then I agree with the posters below. However, if this is something new, see if there are any changes in his diet or medications if he is on any. I've posted about this before, but my son (who will be 8 in a couple of weeks) went from a typical 7-year-old to an out-and-out tyrant when he was placed on Singulair for asthma. Everything was an argument, even things he normally liked, and if he did not get his way, watch out. He had nightmares and barely slept, was hearing voices, and told me several times he wished he had never been born. I cried every day and was 1 day away from an appointment with a behavior specialist when we figured out it was the medication causing the problem. We still say he should be a lawyer when he grows up because he is always trying to figure out loopholes in the rules, but overall he is a good kid who is now happy without any of the issues he had while on Singulair.
OMG - that is eerily similar to my cat's behavior
although he always drank out of the sink - he has pretty much begun living in the bathroom and yelling. I keep going in to see if the faucet is dripping (yes I have to leave a faucet dripping) and it is. He is more loving and requires more attention. When my daughter goes in to take a shower he yells outside the door like he is dying. I will say that I know that crystals forming sometimes indicates antifreeze ingestion - but there is no way your cat could have survived that. Thanks for the info. Maybe there is hope. He is eating now - with some coaxing.
Sweet. Very kittenish behavior.
Bet he'd have drooled on her if she'd have scratched his head. But the love bites might have hurt, LOL.
husband's behavior due to porn, LOL
His behavior is NOT due to porn. If his behavior is so bad it is due to HIM...nothing evil caused him to be this way, just him and his choices.
I don't get what's so wrong with porn? If consenting adults are in it and consulting adults are viewing it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It does not mean the person looking at it is a deviant. Geez...some of you people have some serious hang ups with sex and sexuality.
Try to loosen up a little ladies, maybe life would be a little more fun.
Old enough when I see immaturity and child-like behavior
Poor things.
Older cat's behavior- confusing me
My older girl says nothing, usually but today she is being very vocal, not like she is in pain but just sounding off. She has lost weight but gained 1/2 lb when I weighed her yesterday in 2 weeks (on medication for her appetite) but seems to be roaming so to speak, constantly walking around (usually sleeping) and wanting all attention from me and that is not usual for her. She seems to be pacing back and forth so to speak. Anyone have cat that theirs acted like this?
When my son was in second grade he had behavior issues (sm)
I know many may not agree with me, but I believe positive reinforcement for good behavior and negative consequences for bad behavior works. Every week our school sends home a folder with the child's "grades" for the week in schoolwork and behavior, with 4 being the best (pretty much unattainable for my son!) 3 being good, 2 being so-so, and 1 being really bad. I put him on an allowance schedule with chores he had to do with a certain allowance each week. HOWEVER his grades in his folder would greatly influence this allowance. Gettings 3s would keep his allowance the same, getting a 2 automatically took off $2 (he never got a one but that would have taken his whole $5 allowance). If he ever got a 4 he would get an additional $2. This worked really really well for him, but all children are different. Good luck!
i see it as a human behavior post.
x
You agree with her childish behavior?
I thought immature, totally out of character for a supposed-to-be-grown mother to boot and totally a turn-off for me and my family. I am so glad she is off there. I would hate to see her in any way rise to be the example of what an American Idol should be. Good riddance!
You are only responsible for changing your behavior, not someone elses
I am the product of a divorce years and years ago and thank goodness my mother had enough sense to not stay with my father. He was actually caught running around on her with other women. I knew my father growing up, spent time with he and my stepmom, loved her but I missed absolutely nothing by not having him in my house every day. You are responsible for your own self-. The advice you are giving is like saying a man messes around on a woman, drinks too much and maybe after the marriage he will change. You can only make yourself happy, no one else can do that for you. I have never had a time when I could not stand my husband, never and I would believe he probably feels the same. We laugh when others say they have to work at marriage- we just do not get this. Like I said, product of divorce, happily married myself, never missed my father, saw him but never, ever close in my life. By the way, I am one of the older and wiser group also.
Research passive-aggressive behavior. (sm)
Do you feel you are always at emotional crossroads and everything you decide to do together is handled like warring nations, not like loving partners?
Living with a passive-aggressive behavior spouse creates a daily emotional roller coaster. One is "stressed on an almost constant basis" and feel as if caring for an unresponsible teenager.
The passive-aggressive personality pretend not to listen, "forget on purpose," and purposefully do not complete tasks they agree to accomplish. Sullenness is also a characteristic of the behavior. The passsive-aggressive behavior can "rob" another one from a beautiful relationship. They cannot always see themselves and have a tendency to blame others (especially spouse) for their behavior. They sometimes display "revenge."
To rule out other serious medical conditions, encourage your husband to schedule an appointment with his primary care physician for "preventive care" only, letting him think nothing is wrong. The physician should order lab testing, and ask for thyroid function studies, etc.
Wishing you the best!!
weight gain and antisocial behavior
Has anyone else noticed that this job tends to make you gain lots of weight and become pretty antisocial? I feel like I am just sitting here watching the pounds add up daily... I do not want to get dressed and leave my house - If I do get dressed, I come straight back home to put on my comfy clothes and sit my butt in this chair all day long. I moved to a new town 3 years ago and still have not met a soul because I am in my office by myself all day long with no source of networking to make friends. It has become a pretty lonely life for me.
I am even to the point of going to the local outlets and applying for a minimum wage job just to have a reason to have to get up and put clothes on and get out of the house every day. I don't know what else to do - am at wits end here!
I think what you are experiencing is all normal teen behavior. sm
I can't think of anyone that I hung around with in my teens that didn't run away. Trust me ---- they ALWAYS COME BACK.
Puppy mills are bad, but bad behavior ususaly result of
asdf
If the child gets lethargic, then please go see the doctor. If behavior is normal,
s
7-year-old with behavior problems at school inquiry...sm
Our 7-year-old has problems with peer relations, has always had this and it's getting worse. She is a moody child and comes on too strongly with her peers which is why she doesn't have but 1 friend.
We're now having increasing problems with her talking back to the teachers at school when she's redirected for not doing as she's supposed to be doing in class. We've had problems with both of these issues with her in the past but it was better last year when she was in a smaller classroom setting. Now she's in a class with 25 kids and the problems are worse than ever. Sigh.
We've tried role playing with her on how to respond to her peers appropriately. She's been given everything from rewards for good behavior to restrictions for not behaving, but the problems continue. The school psychologist has put her into a group of kids that have a hard time with peers once a week to help with the socialization skills.
Anyone else deal with this and if so, what strategies did you use to overcome this? I'm more concerned about her negative responses to the teachers than anything. We're not having problems with her behaving at home - it's only at school. Any suggestions will be greatly welcome!
When she does something good, PRAISE HER. Reinforce positive behavior with rewards.
Lighten up, Mom. This is your child, whom you unconditionally love. Maybe you need Nanny 911 or Super Nanny who seem to be able to see under currents of passive agressive behaviors in parents when it comes to their challenging children. This may be your fight as much as your daughters. I say this because you are so dependent on getting others to be on your side.
American or Asian Indian? Culture difference might explain his odd behavior.
x
Well, if you are not going to change your
mind, then do not expect anyone else to change their mind about you either. You cannot call people judgmental and then be judgmental yourself. Or you can, but you just look ridiculous doing so.
And by the way, I went into this field so that I could be home with my kids. I also have held a job outside of the home for many years and had my kids home with me while I worked, but they were older where they could amuse themselves most of the time. They are in school now and I have them doing something part time during the summer, but the other times they are here with me. I work just fine like you do and I can hold a job outside of the home. I've done it before and I will be doing it again in a couple of years when I finish school. I've never made a post though about the things you mentioned.
So...your conclusions are flawed.
well then I think we should change the name
change
Honestly, the only possible way he could change is by telling him. But beware it will only change for a bit and go back to the way it was!
...just happens to you. You can change it.
x
Believe I would have to change my name.
Right off the bat, made me think of Pol Pot. If your not familier, Google him.
An attempt by Khmer Rouge leader Pol Pot to form a Communist peasant farming society resulted in the deaths of 25 percent of the country's population from starvation, overwork and executions. Responsible for 2,000,000 deaths of his own people.
Sorry did not mean to ruin anything, just made me stop and think.
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