Need your opinions and input please. This is for the ones who have sm

daughters in law in their 20s and 30s, please. I am in my mid 30s.  I have 3 sisters in law (am i saying that correct or is it sister in laws?).  Anyways, here is my dilemma.  I am very much hated. I don't use that term lightly - I was told 5 years ago by one of the evil SILs that I was the black sheep of the family and that no one liked me.  This one in particular went on and on about how the other sisters feel the same way.  I eventually forgave her and them (even though at family functions no matter how nice I am they are just spiteful, mean, give dirty looks). I wish I had a camera.I am not kidding you AT ALL. It's really sad. My husband would do absolutely nothing until late last year when the situation got so bad around Christmas that he finally stood up to me to the middle sis who caused and started all the trouble in the first place. Their father died when they were all in their teens and my husband is the only guy in the family if that puts any light on the situation. Anyways, it's been basically a living helll being in this family. My family all love each other deeply no matter what, so I don't understand this kind of hate. Anyways, I was at a meeting a while back and one there were some ladies there who know me and husband's family.  They were so sweet to me and telling me things like (these ladies were older), "well, if I were the mother in law, I would put a stop to that immediately!"  Which made me feel good. Here's the thing. I'm really, really, really starting to despise and resent my mother in law for being so sweet to my face, yet she does nothing! She totally pretends like everything is okay. She continues to allow this treatment from the other sisters towards me and it just seems - well, not right. I've put up with this for a long time. It's to the point now where my MIL lives about 10 minutes away and I refuse to let her watch the kids, even for 5 minutes, because i've bee told (by a certain sister in law - and you know which one I'm talking about) that I am so unappreciative and never say thank you whenever my MIL has to keep my kids. That is a bold-face lie and just so rude and mean and cruel. My parents live 3,000 miles away. I am here because this is where my husband is from. I have no babysitter. I have used my MIL in the past to keep all 3 kids, but usually at her request AND I've been known to write thank you notes to her for watching them if only for 2 hours. I am so grateful for anyone who does anything for me. That's the way I was brought up.

Anyways, one of the sisters had a baby the other day. Was told only blood relatives only to see the baby and when I asked someone who does that mean - they flat out said, "You."  I am hurt. Yes. I don't like them either. That's fine.  But, what I need to deal with is my MIL situation. Why won't she say something? I can't. If I speak up or email or anything about the situation - boy does it get ugly. Basically, I'm told to go to helll. Seriously. I've even considered divorcing my husband over this, but then I think of how hellaciuos it would be having to deal with visitation and then taking the kids to MIL DIVORCED - and then I change my  mind.

If you were the mother in this situation - wouldn't you try to say something, do something? nip it in the bud, as one other lady called it/ Or say things like, "If so and so isn't invited then we shouldn't go."  Like say, on weekend trips where the entire family is invited except ME.

This one sister in law even sends birthday invites and party invites to my KIDS. not me. They are 3 and 5 and will say things like, "Tell you daddy to bring you to my party."  It makes me sick. Literally.

• Need your opinions and input please. This is for the ones who have sm - D-I-L
  • opinion - smfmf
  • I doubt it is "you", they would hate any woman - sm -
  • I agree that your husband should stand up for you - Rad MT
  • Your husband needs to step up to the plate, no one else can do it!! - masy
  • Sounds like the MIL is the one fueling the fire!! - BFF w/ MIL
    • Husband should have put a stop to this years ago. - Sorry.
  • 1. SILs want you to divorce; don't; 2. Bad role model for your kids. - 3. what's wrong with you husband?
  • Your husband should say something - ridiculous
  • why the MIL and not your husband? - AnnieM!AnnieM!
  • I was in an almost identical situation. My take on it - anon
  • Could add something to this but you narrowed - Sandi
    • It's your husband who should speak up for you, but - sm

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I kept calling my sister last night - knew she was at home, but she kept letting the answering machine pick up.  I finally left a message that mom had fallen and wasn't going to the doctor for a couple of weeks.  I asked that if she were concerned about the bruises on mom's head and face to please go over and visit, just to make sure she is okay.

After I thought about things last night, I realized I just have to let go here.  My mom wants a "yes man" - someone who doesn't see that she needs help, or rather sees it, but goes along with whatever my mom wants.  I will not and cannot ever be that type of a person.  I have too much on my plate with my new little one.  I don't want to be in a position of pulling into her driveway and finding her lifeless body with my gd in the car.  That's my worse case scenario, anyway.  My sister wants to be that person, so I just have to let it go and leave things between the two of them.

I called my mom and told her about this decision and that there are no negative emotions associated with the decision....I love her, but I can't walk the same path she has chosen as I am on a different one.  I've been mourning the loss of my whole family falling apart for over a year now...I need the peace of putting it to bed so I can be the best I can be for my gd...and myself.

I hadn't thought about fear of the electric blanket.  I actually think she does use it in addition to the heater.  At any rate, we were talking this morning about other things, and she mentioned how poorly she is sleeping.  If she is awake a lot in the middle of the night, she's going to notice the cold air and turn on that heater, then she when she falls asleep, she will sleep harder because she's so exhausted. 

I think I'll just let it go.  It's not worth making her feel unwelcome and I don't see how my bringing it up could have any other result.

As for helping her, for a long time I have been pondering and praying about how I can make a real difference in the life of another.  It's kinda hard to do when one is tied to a computer working at home.  When this need arose, it was a no-brainer.  It feels good to help and make a difference.

I am so glad there are some people out there that have morals.  My girls never questioned any of my rules but surely told me about how their friends parents are more lenient.  Or as my 18 year old said these kids can lie to their parents and their parents believe them.  My 18 year old has also told me that her boyfriend told her that she was brought up with morals where he was not.  Obviously if the stepmom would tolerate sleeping together with a 10 year old in the house. To me that was telling them to have a sexual relationship.  They have only been dating for 6 months. In six months there can be a different guy in the picture.   Plus this boy's father has had many women in his past according to the bf.   In a way I am sorry I even asked where does she sleep. My husband always says I ask to many questions and said certain things I should leave alone and just assume she was sleeping in another room.   THANKS AGAIN. 

i appreciate you taking the time to tell me your stories.  i know desi (that's her name) has lived a long, spoiled life, but she's a member of the family and i hate to see the day come when she goes.  i'll tell my parents about the websites you mentioned and i'm going to check them out myself.  i'm on the computer more than they are.

thanks so much! 

I'm sure she will call around and check, it's just nice to sort of have a heads-up about what you might expect so I volunteered to ask around - what bigger community than this one?

Thanks again.

I guess you all are right about paying the full price.  I have very good credit and don't want it ruined.  I will definitely write them a letter and tell them.  I'm not one to complain at all about stuff, but just feel like I get taken advantage of.  I feel like sometimes these doctors and dentist can't get enough out of someone else, they'll make up the difference some how with a different patient. 

Thanks all!

from experience that spankings don't work either.  Secondly, I'm trying to teach not to be violent.  I don't think spanking him for hitting his brother is going to teach him anything but mroe violence.  I realize that back in the day, spanking was the preferred punishment.  My mom tells me that all the time -- that I should just "fan their butts", but honestly it has never worked for me.  In fact, it makes it worse. 

I won't bash you for your advice.  Everyone has their opinion on this matter.  We just don't happen to share the same opinion.  Thanks and have a good night!

had no idea this was the humble-poster board. My bad. You really have caused me to pause and reflect....

two major reasons. I am not permitted pets in my apartment. This is in my lease. Secondly, if I even hinted at this guy that I want the dog he would fly all over me. He now said to my landlord that everyone but me likes his dogs. He claimed to me and the police he really loves  his animals and that they are well cared for. He would have a fit if I even approached the subject with him. Is right and I am wrong in his opinion. My landlord told him that he is wrong about me, and that I love dogs more than anything. This guy has a definite problem with being told anything. We could not even have a sensible discussion about it. He had to fly all over me and practically hit me in front of the police. If I stepped on his porch he not take it well, for sure.

You certainly are right about animals and depression. I have so many problems that I could not count them all, all appearing to be unsolvable. I feel trapped in every aspect. I know when I am with animals I just feel better and feel so much love. They are so important to me. My mother's dog is like mine and we laugh, hug, play games, etc. She had me in stitches yesterday, even if just for a few hours, then back to same. Today so far not bad. I heard the dog barking for several minutes, but that was a few hours ago. Hope it continues.

I felt 100% better after I vented that.  I wish I would have stopped myself sooner, but I'm glad I stopped at least when I did.  There were a lot of comments I would have liked to have made to that woman and didn't. 

As for winning and losing, yes I was irritated and yes it was selfish of me to want my kids to win that one (I guess that means I'm human).  But more than anything, I absolutely did not appreciate being talked to by her in that condescending manner.

I still do not like the woman and never will, but I will make sure the next game I will be as far away from her as possible and not to take it so seriously.  You guys are right and I thank you for the reality check.  My kids are still #1 to me and always will be no matter what the scoreboard says.

As an aside, I never put down any of the kids, on either team, but in retrospect, I think my behavior over the incident was a childish.  Gotta work on that!

Daughter had this on her children while she went to school, now they are asking her to furnish 2 quotes from other insurance companies to see if she qualifies to continuing with MC+ (but paying for it) or not. 

The schools here have big signs up in the hall way encouraging people to apply for this.  Supposedly you can purchase it at a rate based on your income.  I don't imagine private insurance is going to be affordable and her job does offer a plan for her and her children, but not for 2 more months and it is HIGH dollar with low coverage. 

Don't really want anything from the government, but if we can pay for it through them rather than private insurance would sure be interested. 

Not trying to be dead-beat, welfare recipients, but glad to get help if available.

Not sure if it's a good thing or not.  Any input would be appreciated.

Thanks!

the components of chittlins and mauls.

Hey I know,

Thanks for clearing the way out there....Been down here so long that when my kids (grown men) and hubby ask for certain things, and a deer leg lands on my doorstep, I just can't waste anything.   Cat

Okay, I am going to try to make this as short as possible. This regards my grandparents and cousins. My grandparents are my world, although I don't get to see them as much as I would like. My two cousins, who are brother and sister, and I have always been close. Cousin #1 and I have always been very close friends, sister-type close.

I have not been able to get ahold of my grandparents in almost a month. My grandfather has the beginning stages of dementia, and the last time I talked to them was on Father's Day.

Jumping around here a bit, I had a baby in April. Cousin #1 has not even called and asked about the baby, has not wanted to come by (she was there with me when the first two were born and has always considered my kids "her kids." I have called her numerous times with no return calls. Yesterday I sent her a text message asking if she had talked to my grandparents, and she did not answer.

After that, I sent my other cousin a message on Myspace and asked if he had spoken to them and how they were doing. I was able to see that he had read the message, but he did not answer it.

The last time I spoke to cousin #1 was about two weeks before the baby was born. She said she had not been feeling well and missed a lot of work, so she did not know if she could make it to the hospital. I told her I understood and I hoped she would start feeling better soon. After all of the unanswered calls, I sent her an E-card and told her I felt like I must have upset her and to please call so that we could talk it out.

This is becoming quite long, I am sorry about that! The only thing I can possibly think of is that I named the baby after my step-dad, not my dad. In regards to that, however, I have a brother who is my dad's namesake, and felt like that was his place, not mine. I really did not think that my family would get so upset as to not talk to me, though.

Any thoughts? Thanks for all opinions.  

I just recently got back in touch with an old friend from high school.  We made plans to take our kids somewhere together this Saturday.  I should preface this by saying I'm married and she's not.  When I talked to her last night to firm up our plans, she asks me if my husband was going.  Well, I thought it was just me and her taking our kids out and I wasn't going to ask my husband to go along since she's not married.  Then she says that she's been "meaning to tell me" that her new boyfriend is going with her.  My husband cannot go because of work so now, if I go, I'm stuck with her and her new boyfriend who I do not know. 

Do y'all think I'm crazy for feeling weird about this?  I don't want to be a third wheel on her date, especially with my kids along. 

Thanks for any opinions!! 

There are a few more old timer's like me on this board.   I probably won't mainly because of the hounding she is doing.  It is a nuisance and it does need to stop.  H and I went looking for a new car because the hospital I work for is cutting back on their MTs and they offered me a job doing something else in-house. I just need a car that gets good gas mileage.  Anyway, she kept insisting we get the first car we drove.  I told dd to quiet down, that dad and I will make the decision.  H told her, dd, you go to school, you listen to your teacher and make good grades, then you land youself a good paying job and you can get whatever car you want on this lot, but until then, you're on Mom and Dad's budget.  Poor dd when H is around.  She will say "I want, I want" H will say I want a lot of things. I am wondering of the other girls that she saw are just wearing those sports bra type thingys. 

Okay MTs, here's the deal need your opinions please . . .  Made an appointment at American's Best that 2 pairs of glasses for $69.95 deal – bad experience all around!  Glasses ended up costing me over $250.00!  When I picked them up one pair was broken!  They fixed on the spot – I took them home – cannot wear either pair, as they give me a headache.  I had a feeling they wouldn't be right because the eye doctor came off as a complete ***** to me.  First off he tried to tell me there were special contract lens that would allow me to and I quote "see my dreams clearly."  Okay – dreams are a brain function.  You do not need prescription eye wear to see dreams!  And in my opinion he violated HIPAA.  While I was in the waiting area between testing for field vision etc.  He informed me in front of others waiting in that same area of my tests results.  My results are my business not any other patients in the waiting room.  Anyway, I returned today to return the glasses for my money back – they advertise a 30-day return.  They gave me nothing but grief.  Only refunded me for $147.00 when I paid over $200.00 plus I had to pay for that advertised free eye exam (which I understand since I didn't want glasses I cannot wear).  I’m livid.  I'm still out $103.00, plus I'm sure the eye exam money is basically wasted because the flipping ****** didn't do the prescription right.  Both glasses were supposed to be the same prescription yet one pair I could see distance somewhat okay, but got headaches/dizzy – the other pair – useless couldn't see period!  I paid extra for coatings for anti-glare that I don't believe were done.  Please don't go there – save yourself a major headache.  Others were in the same store when I was trying to get my money back for the same reasons.  Anyway – long story short – did the eye doctor violate HIPAA in your opinions?  My tests were okay – but that was my business.  And if you believe he violated me . . . where do I report him?  I’m sick of being taken advantage of by places like this.  Thanks.  I'm sorry if there are any errors in my typing – I'm livid.  Oh—did I mention when he dilated my eyes (3 drops) they stayed that way not for hours but entire day!  My eyes burned and I wasn't "back to normal" for a week.  I'm furious.