Need opinions. moving from situation

Hi, I am looking for a little advice.  I am moving from my apartment after 3-1/2 years.  I am asthmatic and the lady under me is a very heavy smoker and the smoke infiltrates my apartment so badly that I have often thought of going to a hotel for the night. That is really not my issue. This lady has her rights and it is just time to move to a healthier apartment for me and my severe asthma.  Here is the big question:

My landlord has been asked on several occasions to try to find where the smoke is getting through to my place.  I have never made this a personal issue with the smoke, just a structural issue that might be resolved.  Everything they tried to do never really worked.  However, for the last 1-1/2 years, this landlord has been promising to put my DH and myself in another two bedroom apartment in the same complex. The time kept passing and it never happened.  Finally, I had enough and decided to ask to break my lease (with a doc's note).  The landlord THEN said to me "there will never be another 2 bedroom apartment because if another smoker moves under you, you will have the same situation."   Probably this is not the case, as the buildings are 40+ years old and the particular building I am in has "settled" leaving cracks in ceilings, etc.  Some of the other buildings do not have this problem.  SO, my question.... Keeping me signing a new lease in the hopes of getting a new apt and then telling me no, is that not DESCRIMINATION against my asthma?  I have been very patient and kind to everyone involved, and find that I am just getting kicked in the butt.  I know that smoking is a brittle issue with a lot of people, especially smokers who have been kicked out of just about everywhere and made to stand outside.  I understand that and I have not made this a "smoking war".  I have tried to find a structural way to solve it and if it cant be done, then I am just moving out . Easy as that.  Still, I can't help but feel bitter at the landlord who promised me another apartment and didn't deliver, saying I would have the same issues.  I have lived in apartments all my life and never had an issue like this, probably because this lady is an extremely heavy smoker (4 packs a day) and she does not open her windows.  The problem was inevitable. This is not a normal "smoker" issue.  Any comments on where I could stand legally would help. I know this is a "constructive eviction" which means the apt. was not habitable for me because of my asthma and I moved due to that.  any help is appreciated. tks in advance.  Sorry so long.

• Need opinions. moving from situation - lifetimeMT
  • I've never lived in an apartment building that - TinaK
  • I'm surprised your building even allows smoking -(s/m) - Topaz
    • huh?????? - me
      • I live in WV and....sm - goincrazyquick
        • haha, re-read what I typed.... - goincrazyquick
      • Smoke 'sickers' through the AC, the cracks, up the pipes... - ---
      • I live in the south and my landlord told me NO SMOKING before she would rent to me... - Amanda
      • Sure they can! If they own the building, they can tell - tenants to smoke outside. Topaz
        • Maybe she's thinking of large apartment complexes?? - LinK
      • Actually, they can and they are - Happy MT Robin
        • That's right! If you rent it is NOT your 'own' home. - (And, smoking harms innocent people)
  • i wonder - sm
  • I have asthma, too - Happy MT Robin
    • thanks for your replies..i am moving next week to - lifetimeMT
      • I had this problem too...sm - anon

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We have both been going to the same girl for our hair for the past 9-10 years.  We're both 46.  She's in her 30s.  During this time, she's gotten married, had 2 kids, went through a separation with her cheating husband, got back together, and then finally early last year got divorced.  Not long after, she became pregnant by another guy, someone she was seeing during the separation.  Okay, so we have known her a long time and she's very nice and we always talk a lot during our appointments.  We both felt bad for her during her separation and all that and would talk about it.  So, this guy that she was pregnant by now is kind of out of the picture, having signed up for a 2-year stint working on some pipeline way up north.  She was due at the end of November 2008, and my husband and I both had appointments with her the few days before she left for leave.

So that's the background.  About middle of December, we get a thank you card in the mail from her with a picture of the new baby.  It's addressed to both of us, thanking us for the nice thing we did, it meant so much, she was so shocked, and it's so nice there are people in the world like us.  I asked my husband what that was about.  He said, oh, I gave her a tip when I was there.  I didn't think too much more right then, but as I re-read the note, it just seemed like this must have been some tip.  Finally, I looked in his checkbook and saw he had given her a $500 tip.  So, being me, I didn't say anything even though it bothered me.  All the times that his appointments seemed to take an hour or more started to bother me.  Sometimes I would say, wow, that took a long time.  He'd always say, we were talking, or I had to wait.

Last night he had an appointment and took about an hour and a half.  This time I was irked about it and asked him and he got mad at me.  This morning, he asked why I was being "so stupid" about it.  I blew up and said maybe it's the $500 tip, and all of the long appointments, and not to call me stupid.  So, now he is mad at me, which I feel is the way he kind of "puts me in my place" for daring to say something.  I honestly don't think anything is going on, but I also think it's weird to have given her a $500 tip because he "felt sorry for her."  Just trying to decide if I'm being "stupid" or if it sounds weird to anyone else.

My son just had his 5th birthday party.  For the past 3 years, my sister-in-law (hubby's brother's wife) has "forgotten" to bring the present to my son's party and promises to give it to him the next time she sees him.  Well, we have yet to see a present from the last 2 birthdays, too early to say for this year, but given the batting average.....

I can understand when one does not have the $$ to purchase a gift, but I really don't appreciate the dishonesty.  We are trying to teach our children that it is better to give than to recieve, but when promised a gift the next time he sees them, he is just disappointed when it doesn't happen. 

Do I say something to them?  or just keep the peace and my mouth shut?  What are the chances that she really is forgetting? 

I'm not a novice to moving.  Between 1996 and 2005, I moved 9 times, always with a U-Haul and hiring day workers to load and unload, except for the last move when I hired professional movers and it was smooth.  I will be using professional movers again this time.  Expensive but only 4 hours down time and in the MT business, time is money.

Here is my problem.  When I moved in here 2 years ago, it was with my now 25 yo son.  He has since moved out and now I am raising my 4 yo granddaughter.  I've never moved wtih a preschooler underfoot (I'm single).  I also thought I would be here a very, very long time, so I started making this a *home* again by buying nick nacks, restocking a respectable kitchen, hanging pictures, etc.  I've gained a lot of weight and only have a drawer full of clothes to pack, but the 4 yo, oy, she has clothes and stuff animals and little bitty tiny things that seem to move around the house while I'm sleeping at night.

I decided to finally get rid of things I've been hauling around since 1996 (french lead crystal, a really nice Mardi Gras collection of dolls, faces, beads), shoes, clothes I now realized I am NOT going to be getting back into within the next year.  Basically, I decided if I haven't touched it since I moved in here, I'm going to get rid of it.  It is all going to the thrift store or dumpster.  But, I'm finding that I am spending so much time organizing the getting rid of stuff or just throwing unusable stuff away, I'm not packing!  I don't feel organized at all and I'm the type that NEEDS to be organized.  And now I'm starting to feel panic that I won't be ready on the 28th when the truck pulls up.  Of course, every time I organize one area, the 4 yo comes along with her stuff and I can't walk across the room without stepping on her stuff, so that sets me back.  I've scheduled a service to come in 2 days after everything is moved out so I don't have to worry about cleaning, thank goodness.

What do I do?  Am I doing this backwards?  Should I go ahead and pack the stuff I want to take and THEN deal with the stuff I'm not going to take?  I am limited to 50 boxes.  I have so many collections of breakables now and the company won't let me pack them in the dresser drawers.  I can only put cloth items in my drawers.  It would be so much easier to pad the breakables in linens and clothing in the drawers, but I can't.

I wish I could just send the 4 yo to someone for the next 2 weeks, but that isn't going to happen.  On top of that, I scheduled myself for a really heavy work load these 2 weeks because I'll need extra money for rent on the 1st.  The new place is $300/month more than where I live now.  I'm moving because the school district rezoned the street where I live and it's not a good district and little one starts school in August.  I'm moving to a much better district.  The daycare across the street will be $200/month less than the one I use now, so that will help offset the cost of the new place, but I won't feel it in my pocket until the middle of next month.

Please give me some tips and maybe a Valium!

So I am from California, my little sister has been in North Carolina where her husband is stationed at the Marine Corps for two years.  They just had their first baby (the first extended family member) and I flew back there for the birth

08-18-08 8 pounds, 3 ounces 19 inches long

And now that I'm back home (only got to spend a week of her life with her) I am missing her tremendously!  The rest of my family is here on the west coast, but I'm feeling like I want to be closer to my niece.  My mom thinks it is because I am at the age of wanting babies, but I don't want my own yet!  Is this a crazy idea?  I mean, most people are not able to take their work where they go, and I don't want to pass the opportunity up.  I wouldn't live in Jacksonville, NC where they are, I was thinking more along the lines of Myrtle Beach SC... two hours away so they still have their privacy and I live somewhere where I think I would love (but have no idea really, I visited there one time)... I just don't know how you go about making plans to make such a huge move...

Any thoughts, suggestions, advice?

Obviously this is a quick assessment of my lifestyle, but I am willing to do it, but is it crazy to think i want to be around my niece enough that I would move 3,000 miles away from my home?

Thanks for the input

and i attached a pic cause i can't help showing her off! :)

This is Allyson Ayn!

but as far as when it will air, I really don't know as there have been some issues with the transfer between the producers and Bravo. There is an injunction against Lifetime from Bravo to where they cannot air the show until the legal mess gets sorted out, even though the season has been filmed, except for the finale.

I do like Top Chef on Bravo but it comes on the same time as Life on Mars, so I have to catch it on reruns.

a townhouse.  No more upstairs/downstairs issues.  People along the sides, but pure wall with no obvious way for smoke.  This should be better.  I will have two floors and nobody under  I live in PA and there are no clauses in my lease for non-smoking so it is time to smell my own fresh air.  It's a shame the LL didn't afford me the same rights as the smoker.  Sure, my neighbor has the right to smoke in her own home, but I have the right also to not breathe her smoke in MY home.  I know in some cases this is called trespass, but I am just too tired to fight it anymore.  Next weekend I will be free free free!  Thanksagain for your comments.  I can always trust this site to give me a little support and lift my spirits. 

still praying for all those folks who got hit in the 40-mile range that this tornado went through......

Prayers will continue of course.  Thanks for keeping us updated, I was wondering. 

Okay, I am going to try to make this as short as possible. This regards my grandparents and cousins. My grandparents are my world, although I don't get to see them as much as I would like. My two cousins, who are brother and sister, and I have always been close. Cousin #1 and I have always been very close friends, sister-type close.

I have not been able to get ahold of my grandparents in almost a month. My grandfather has the beginning stages of dementia, and the last time I talked to them was on Father's Day.

Jumping around here a bit, I had a baby in April. Cousin #1 has not even called and asked about the baby, has not wanted to come by (she was there with me when the first two were born and has always considered my kids "her kids." I have called her numerous times with no return calls. Yesterday I sent her a text message asking if she had talked to my grandparents, and she did not answer.

After that, I sent my other cousin a message on Myspace and asked if he had spoken to them and how they were doing. I was able to see that he had read the message, but he did not answer it.

The last time I spoke to cousin #1 was about two weeks before the baby was born. She said she had not been feeling well and missed a lot of work, so she did not know if she could make it to the hospital. I told her I understood and I hoped she would start feeling better soon. After all of the unanswered calls, I sent her an E-card and told her I felt like I must have upset her and to please call so that we could talk it out.

This is becoming quite long, I am sorry about that! The only thing I can possibly think of is that I named the baby after my step-dad, not my dad. In regards to that, however, I have a brother who is my dad's namesake, and felt like that was his place, not mine. I really did not think that my family would get so upset as to not talk to me, though.

Any thoughts? Thanks for all opinions.  

I just recently got back in touch with an old friend from high school.  We made plans to take our kids somewhere together this Saturday.  I should preface this by saying I'm married and she's not.  When I talked to her last night to firm up our plans, she asks me if my husband was going.  Well, I thought it was just me and her taking our kids out and I wasn't going to ask my husband to go along since she's not married.  Then she says that she's been "meaning to tell me" that her new boyfriend is going with her.  My husband cannot go because of work so now, if I go, I'm stuck with her and her new boyfriend who I do not know. 

Do y'all think I'm crazy for feeling weird about this?  I don't want to be a third wheel on her date, especially with my kids along. 

Thanks for any opinions!! 

There are a few more old timer's like me on this board.   I probably won't mainly because of the hounding she is doing.  It is a nuisance and it does need to stop.  H and I went looking for a new car because the hospital I work for is cutting back on their MTs and they offered me a job doing something else in-house. I just need a car that gets good gas mileage.  Anyway, she kept insisting we get the first car we drove.  I told dd to quiet down, that dad and I will make the decision.  H told her, dd, you go to school, you listen to your teacher and make good grades, then you land youself a good paying job and you can get whatever car you want on this lot, but until then, you're on Mom and Dad's budget.  Poor dd when H is around.  She will say "I want, I want" H will say I want a lot of things. I am wondering of the other girls that she saw are just wearing those sports bra type thingys. 

Okay MTs, here's the deal need your opinions please . . .  Made an appointment at American's Best that 2 pairs of glasses for $69.95 deal – bad experience all around!  Glasses ended up costing me over $250.00!  When I picked them up one pair was broken!  They fixed on the spot – I took them home – cannot wear either pair, as they give me a headache.  I had a feeling they wouldn't be right because the eye doctor came off as a complete ***** to me.  First off he tried to tell me there were special contract lens that would allow me to and I quote "see my dreams clearly."  Okay – dreams are a brain function.  You do not need prescription eye wear to see dreams!  And in my opinion he violated HIPAA.  While I was in the waiting area between testing for field vision etc.  He informed me in front of others waiting in that same area of my tests results.  My results are my business not any other patients in the waiting room.  Anyway, I returned today to return the glasses for my money back – they advertise a 30-day return.  They gave me nothing but grief.  Only refunded me for $147.00 when I paid over $200.00 plus I had to pay for that advertised free eye exam (which I understand since I didn't want glasses I cannot wear).  I’m livid.  I'm still out $103.00, plus I'm sure the eye exam money is basically wasted because the flipping ****** didn't do the prescription right.  Both glasses were supposed to be the same prescription yet one pair I could see distance somewhat okay, but got headaches/dizzy – the other pair – useless couldn't see period!  I paid extra for coatings for anti-glare that I don't believe were done.  Please don't go there – save yourself a major headache.  Others were in the same store when I was trying to get my money back for the same reasons.  Anyway – long story short – did the eye doctor violate HIPAA in your opinions?  My tests were okay – but that was my business.  And if you believe he violated me . . . where do I report him?  I’m sick of being taken advantage of by places like this.  Thanks.  I'm sorry if there are any errors in my typing – I'm livid.  Oh—did I mention when he dilated my eyes (3 drops) they stayed that way not for hours but entire day!  My eyes burned and I wasn't "back to normal" for a week.  I'm furious. 

daughters in law in their 20s and 30s, please. I am in my mid 30s.  I have 3 sisters in law (am i saying that correct or is it sister in laws?).  Anyways, here is my dilemma.  I am very much hated. I don't use that term lightly - I was told 5 years ago by one of the evil SILs that I was the black sheep of the family and that no one liked me.  This one in particular went on and on about how the other sisters feel the same way.  I eventually forgave her and them (even though at family functions no matter how nice I am they are just spiteful, mean, give dirty looks). I wish I had a camera.I am not kidding you AT ALL. It's really sad. My husband would do absolutely nothing until late last year when the situation got so bad around Christmas that he finally stood up to me to the middle sis who caused and started all the trouble in the first place. Their father died when they were all in their teens and my husband is the only guy in the family if that puts any light on the situation. Anyways, it's been basically a living helll being in this family. My family all love each other deeply no matter what, so I don't understand this kind of hate. Anyways, I was at a meeting a while back and one there were some ladies there who know me and husband's family.  They were so sweet to me and telling me things like (these ladies were older), "well, if I were the mother in law, I would put a stop to that immediately!"  Which made me feel good. Here's the thing. I'm really, really, really starting to despise and resent my mother in law for being so sweet to my face, yet she does nothing! She totally pretends like everything is okay. She continues to allow this treatment from the other sisters towards me and it just seems - well, not right. I've put up with this for a long time. It's to the point now where my MIL lives about 10 minutes away and I refuse to let her watch the kids, even for 5 minutes, because i've bee told (by a certain sister in law - and you know which one I'm talking about) that I am so unappreciative and never say thank you whenever my MIL has to keep my kids. That is a bold-face lie and just so rude and mean and cruel. My parents live 3,000 miles away. I am here because this is where my husband is from. I have no babysitter. I have used my MIL in the past to keep all 3 kids, but usually at her request AND I've been known to write thank you notes to her for watching them if only for 2 hours. I am so grateful for anyone who does anything for me. That's the way I was brought up.

Anyways, one of the sisters had a baby the other day. Was told only blood relatives only to see the baby and when I asked someone who does that mean - they flat out said, "You."  I am hurt. Yes. I don't like them either. That's fine.  But, what I need to deal with is my MIL situation. Why won't she say something? I can't. If I speak up or email or anything about the situation - boy does it get ugly. Basically, I'm told to go to helll. Seriously. I've even considered divorcing my husband over this, but then I think of how hellaciuos it would be having to deal with visitation and then taking the kids to MIL DIVORCED - and then I change my  mind.

If you were the mother in this situation - wouldn't you try to say something, do something? nip it in the bud, as one other lady called it/ Or say things like, "If so and so isn't invited then we shouldn't go."  Like say, on weekend trips where the entire family is invited except ME.

This one sister in law even sends birthday invites and party invites to my KIDS. not me. They are 3 and 5 and will say things like, "Tell you daddy to bring you to my party."  It makes me sick. Literally.

i have been having some major pains lately to the point some days i have been able to work and am having major difficulty sleeping because of pain.  it is in my very low back, all left-sided.  i have also had pain in my left-sided ovary and now it has spread to feeling in the center of my abdomen like it is in my uterus.  i went to doc about 2 weeks ago, told i had a severe kidney infection.  got a shot of rocephin and cipro 500 mg x10 days.  didn't clear up so i went to ER.  UA was now negative.  they did pelvic and said it all looked fine.  then did an abdl/pelvis CT scan.  doc says it shows a few small kidney stones, but they were not big enough to be causing my pain.  i have lost 15 pounds in a month, but i was also very sick with the pains, nauseated constantly and even vomited a few times.  for two weeks now, i have been able to eat but the pain is still a dull constant and mostly bothers me when i lie down to go to sleep.  i have iced/heated, flushed every water/drink, cranberry you name it to no avail.  i don't feel i have kidney stones now.  i think i flushed them or they are not bothersome as doc says.  well today in the mail i get a certified, yes certified letter from my ER i went to.  the letter says to make sure i follow up with my PCP for repeat abdl/pelvis CT scan.  anyone ever received a certified letter from the ER before?  of course, this is saturday and i can talk to noone, can't request records or anything so i am kinda edgy with all the horrible outcomes i know as possibilities going through my mind and knowing this isn't standard procedure for the hospital to send me a certified letter.  any ideas/thoughts/prayers??? 

Here is the situation:  I have three daughters who take dance lessons. They take dance lessons from Sept-June with a recital in June. We then take the summer off. Anyway, lessons are usually 32.00 per month, per lesson. The more lessons you take the more she discounts. She usually has 3 lessons for 84.00, and then add 22.00 per lesson for every one after that. Okay. That is still pretty good. My girls took 6 lessons last year and it should have cost me 150.00, but she only charged me 122.00 for being a yearly customer, paying on time, and having gone to her mother (who still helps with the business) when I was a kid. Anyway, I have just signed up the girls and we have added 2 more classes, making 8 total. I talked to the mom, who does still teach occasionally, and she said it will run me 194.00!! The reason is the inital 3 is 84.00 and then add 22.00 per class for the other five. Now I realize 194.00 is still a bargain because if you add the regular price of one class at 32.00 times 8 you would get 256.00.  My question is should I say something to the daughter who actually owns the place and teaches most of the classes?? Going from 122.00 to 195.00 is a big jump for adding two more classes.  I say at most I should add 44.00 to the 122.00 from last years price. What do you guys think?? Sorry if this was confusing!!

Ok, I am going to try to make this a short story. Last night, my 7-year-old and another kid were playing. I was watching them, and they were playing tug-of-war, so to speak, with a shoe, but they were both laughing and playing. Well, the other child got hurt and when we tried to figure out what was wrong, we found that the girl had recently had surgery on this particular finger and it had gotten hurt while they were playing. Fast forward to this morning - the child's finger is fractured. I am in the process of getting the mother's phone number so that I can call her. The child was under the supervision of my sister-in-law at the time, a friend of her daughter's.

So, my question, would you offer to pay the copay for the emergency room visit?

Thanks!

I started last week as an IC for a small to medium MTSO.  I decided to work as an IC because I wanted flexibility in my schedule.   However, they insist on a set 40-hour schedule and working holidays, just like an FTE.   They are not paying me any benefits, not paying my taxes including SS, and I have run out of work 2 days already.  

Now I'm told I have to work either T-giving or Christmas - this really grates on me.  I get paid nothing extra for the holidays.  

I didn't think it was legal for them treat ICs like FTEs.  Has the working universe changed this much, or am I a sap for putting up with it?   I would really like to hear from other ICs who have faced the same situation -  please let me know how you handled it.  I cannot afford to quit without another job, which I am looking for.   TIA