Need help on what to write on sympathy card for baby SM
Posted By: Susan on 2007-02-01
In Reply to:
My friends just lost a baby to SIDS. The funeral is tomorrow. Unfortunately I can't make it, but I'm sending a sympathy plant/flowers. I'm at a total loss for words. What should I write on the card? Appreciate any input.
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IMO a card would not be out of order at all. Except a sympathy card, of course.
I totally agree a sympathy card wouldn't quite be the thing, but it sounded to me that the original poster of that idea didn't mean a sympathy card like one for death. I think sympathy in the sense of "hey, you had a rough time of it with this birth, and maybe things haven't been the way you imagined, but know that I'm thinking of you and I'm here if and when you need me."
I got PPD when my breastfeeding relationship didn't go right, following a birth plan that went seriously awry, and the reality of a fussy, picky baby instead of the happy, sleeping one that I had imagined.
I *did* spend a lot of time on the phone, but then everybody's different. I would have loved to get a cheerful card from a friend, however. Does anybody NOT like a card?
not a sympathy card...
Just a congrats on your new baby and friendship, etc... No, sympathy on behalf of the baby would be totally out of order. The baby is fine except for a common foot deformity. It is correctable. No she needs a pick me up card. Something to brighten her day.
I was just saying I think it would be out of line also to send her a sympathy card...
I AM leaving her alone. I am just asking for other insight since I don't understand this. Like have other people done this. I am not pushy. If I were pushy I would keep calling and asking to speak with her or go over. I am respecting her wishes. I haven't been over because she said she doesn't want anyone over. How am I pushy?
How important is it to you to receive a sympathy card
How important is it for you to receive a sympathy card? I know this has been quite a long time now (3 years), but still bothers me. My mom died 3 years ago and I received only 3 cards. One from my DH's aunt & uncle and my best friend sent me 2 cards. Nobody else sent me a card. My MIL, BIL (3 of them - all married), SIL, co-workers (8 of them), people in my quilting guild that I've been quilting with for years and years. None of them. I went back for the funeral and listed to my sister and aunt tell each other about how many cards they got and how much they were loved by their friends (they made it into a joke as to who was more loved by who got more cards :-) My sister got about 18 or 20 cards and my aunt got about 30. They said they were sure when I got back I'd have many cards waiting for me (I flew back 2 days after hearing of my moms death). My sister even offered me some of her cards. I came home and had just the 3 cards. My best friend also send me some "cheering up gifts". But still nothing from anyone. I never said anything to DH but it bothered and still does bother me that people thought so little of me than to send me a card letting me know they were thinking about me. The worst thing was that I always sent them birthday, anniversary, and sympathy cards to them. I even would send them sympathy cards when their pets died.
Well I'm over it, but every once in awhile I think about it and it just saddens me. So now I don't send any of them any cards for anything. Just wondered if it bothers other people like it did me.
I just got back from buying a sympathy card for my brother's MIL, glad I did now. nm
x
Have U renogiated credit card debt when minimum payment got too high? Do they take your card away,
s
Credit Card Reform Can Cost Good Card Users
Part of article:
Credit cards have long been a very good deal for people who pay their bills on time and in full. Even as card companies imposed punitive fees and penalties on those late with their payments, the best customers racked up cash-back rewards, frequent-flier miles and other perks in recent years.
Now Congress is moving to limit the penalties on riskier borrowers, who have become a prime source of billions of dollars in fee revenue for the industry. And to make up for lost income, the card companies are going after those people with sterling credit.
We pay off our balance every month. If they do this (punish those who have sterling credit) Ridiculous!! I'll stop using my CC and pay by cash or check.
So much for reform.
No sympathy here.
I was taken advantage of by a family member when I was very young. I blocked it out for years -- almost lost my marriage because of it. When the flashbacks came I thought I was losing my mind. I feel no sympathy for anyone who does this to a child. Speaking from the otherside of it -- you may move on, but it stays with you forever. It is a club I would rather not be a part of.
No sympathy--sm
I have read the message from the poster below reminding us that the abusers are someones child, as well. That someone loves them too. Well, love them, yes. Condone what they did. NO.
It is just my opinion that these types of people CANNOT be *rehabilitated*. It is as much within them as homosexuality is within a homeosexual person. It is not something that is *learned*. It is bred within them and cannot be *cured*.
I was, and I will use the term that was inflicted on me, RAPED...40 years ago. It is still within me. Yes. I have *moved on* and do not think about it or dwell on it...but the after effects just never go away. It has affected every male/female relationship and some friendships that I have ever been involved in. I have given up on trying to have a relationship with anyone, as my psyche will just end up ruining it. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to ever hurt anyone else again. The person who inflicted himself on me has nothing to bear within his soul. He will never know the kind of pain he has inflicted upon others. He just gets his *satisfaction* and moves onto the next one..until he is caught. But even then, his *sentence* can never come anywhere close to what he has done to his victim. Ever.
so. no sympathy here. That one *event* changed my life forever, but not his.
Don’t need sympathy from you or anyone here
I said rudeness, saying a person not smart enough to ask something- this is, like I said, a forum. People can and do ask a lot of different things here- not that you have to fricking use the advice! Not that you take the advice always! But, people sometimes have similar things happen in their lives. That is what I am saying. No sense in people being suck jerks!
You have all my sympathy ! Been there, done that. nm
x
no sympathy, as long as they are
rightly convicted. I myself have been molested as a child, not severely, not even long-term, but it has had a PROFOUND effect upon my mental/emotional/sexual being. It took flashbacks after almost 30 years to piece it all together and understand the impact upon my life. and NO, i don't think they 'rehabilitate'. I think life in prison is the minimal most of these offenders should do. Death would be better for the more persistent and violent offenders.
Now I will give you my sympathy as you did for me
the other day as my baby Kitty-Kat was dying. I really feel your sorry.
Thanks for the advice and sympathy.
It's not just the pain, but have you also had such trouble procrastinating, or when you get started, cannot keep concentration? Combine all three, and heavens it is hard to get through a day. I am a bit better today compared with yesterday, thank God.
I will be sure to try the flax oil and taurine supplement you suggested, "MT also in NC." Thanks so much.
Not looking for sympathy, in fact
I figure to get the opposite! Doesn't matter! I'm a smoker ... yeah that's right, a dirty low life scum of the earth polluting your air smoker! One of the few little pleasure I have in life. When the price of cigarettes went sky high, we started "rolling our own". It was a lot cheaper, for a while. The price of the tobacco went up, but still much cheaper than cigarettes. Well today, DH was informed at or local tobacco store, that because of a new tax hike, it will go from $9.14 a can to over $20.00 by April 1st? Ok. I'm done, let the stoning begin...
Do you have sympathy for child molesters?
Can they be rehabilitated, or should they serve life sentences?
Many people seem to have such mixed feelings about child molesters, like “Well he’s always been such a nice guy,” (duh, how do you think they convince the kids to trust them?), or “They really can’t help it.”
I personally do not have mixed feelings. I believe they should serve life sentences for the torturing of these children. I believe that 99% (if not all) cannot be rehabilitated, they are child rapists for life. In many states molesters are only charged with a misdemeanor if they fail to register as a child molester. This is unacceptable.
Please write your senators and governor and urge them to fund the ADAM WALSH ACT, which will make failure to register a FELONY and help make consistent and uniform laws for ALL STATES. Most of these rapists are not dumb and take advantage of the vast differences in state laws, hopping from state to state trying to find the most lenient laws.
The link below will take you to oprah.com to download a prewritten letter that can be sent to your representatives and links to their addresses. It took me less than 2 minutes to print all the information out, and it could help change our country.
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200702/20070221/slide_20070221_284_118.jhtml
It is estimated that 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of every 10 boys will be sexually assaulted by the time they are 18. Over 260,000 children are abducted each year in America. PLEASE DO YOUR PART TO HELP.
I just wanted to send my sympathy your way...
May you find comfort in the Lord.
Sympathy cards are so inadequate sm
Maybe the people who did not give you cards had a difficult time finding something and just didn't get one at all because of that. I spent a great deal of time at the store yesterday looking through cards to give a friend who just lost her 7-year-old son. They all say basically the same thing and none of them say the right thing because there is no card in the world that will bring a loved one back. In the end, I did pick one out to give the family but still feel it is woefully inadequate to express how my heart aches for them and their loss.
Dating sympathy (from married person)
I would hate to go back to dating. I've been married 18 years but I do remember what single life and dating were like.
The majority of them were creeps for one reason or another (especially the one going to law school - I got my first clue when I saw a sticker inside his car - his last name is also an occupation and the sticker said _________ know all the right strokes). (eye roll)
I mentioned in another post that I had moved into an apt. with my boyfriend of about a year, and 3 weeks later, he left me for his ex-wife.
At that point, I swore off of men. I figured I'd just live in the same apartment and go to work at the hospital 5 days a week for the rest of my life. That's when my husband walked into my life.
I had first met him in 1985 when, after graduating high school, I went to work at McDonald's. He was a swing manager, 2 years older and so darned handsome. We dated for quite awhile but it wasn't exclusive. He then joined the navy and got married. Three years later, his ex told him she needed to get a life and filed for divorce.
About 3 months prior to this, I swore off men for good. Then, one day, I was working a Saturday at the hospital (I think it was to make up for the day I missed when I had a diagnostic laparoscopy - yeah, it was stupid going back to work the day after you have surgery). I got a phone call from my mom, asking me if I remembered such and such. My husband's sister had called my parents' house but my mom didn't want to give out info, so she called and gave the info to me. I called his sister and we gabbed. I told her I remembered her and definitely remembered him. She asked me to meet her and her boyfriend at a bar along with my (future) husband. Well, I said "what the heck". I agreed to go.
Now, this is 3 days status post a laparoscopy and they weren't as good about getting the CO2 out back in 1990 as they are today and that day, I had gas so bad, I probably could have filled up my gas tank 3 times over. I spent almost the entire date squeezing my cheeks together (thankfully we weren't dancing or doing other physical things - LOL). I still had a really good time but was relieved when I left his house. I lived about 10 minutes away and I swear, I must have passed gas the entire ride home.
He knows all about it now. Heck, I can't remember the last time I even closed the door to the bathroom. We have no kids and if I do close the door, all 3 pugs sit outside and scratch the door, whine and cry. I gave up. I'm sometimes even "lucky" enough to have one of them on my lap while I'm going.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is love/good relationships seem to come when you least expect them. When I pursued dating or had someone fix me up, or met a guy in a bar or whatever, it never ended well. Nowadays, how do you know if you're supposed to pay half for the date?
Like I said, I feel for you guys. If my husband dropped dead tomorrow, I think I'd remain single the rest of my life.
Good luck to all of you and God bless!
I'd write on there....sm
Sorry for your loss. I know I cannot feel the pain that you feel. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you.
Whatever you say/write do NOT say...
Something along the lines of 'they're in a better place' or 'at least they aren't suffering'. Trust me, that isn't nice to hear when you lose a child because you really can't imagine a better place than in your loving arms.
Give your friend a big hug and just let her know you are here for her. Be there for her to talk about the baby to/with when she needs it. So many people are uncomfortable listening to a grieving mother talk about her lost baby, but that is something that really helps to process it all, at least it was very helpful for me.
So sorry another knows the pain. 
Lol.. I know. I was like.. did I write that, lol
Great minds think alike, right? :) I like Melinda, too. She's the only who I enjoy actually listening to week after week.
That should be write.......nm
.
I would write an e-mail sm
and say "I love you anyway!"
That's it! Whatever happens, happens. You can not control how other people act or react, nor can you change people. So, you need to just love like you always do and move on from whatever is hurting you.
Best of luck to you and many blessings!
If people are able to write something
I would think many of them would be comments that since she hasn't been a good influence, he should at least let her be a terrible warning!
Ha!
call them - they might even write it off.....
I am never late paying my bills, but ONE time BOA (bank of america) Visa didn't get my bill when they should have - and they charged me $39 late fee - I called them, because I pay the bill in full every month and it's HIGH......I told them, since I always pay it in full, that I insist they reverse that charge because I sent it 10 days prior, and if they wouldn't (because at first they were hemming and hawing) - I would take my business elsewhere -
don't you know THEY IMMEDIATELY REVERSED THE LATE FEE.....
Give them a call, the worst they'll say is no, and you'll argue, and perhaps they'll then say yes.....we'll reverse it..........
How about the sentence I had to write
Actucally it was a paragraph and I still remember it. Guess I was in trouble a lot.
This year in the sixth grade I will practice self-control by being curtious and polite in the halls and on the playgound.
Each infraction was 25 times.
LOL - see what they 'right' - or write. And I do QA! nm
///
I could write a book (sm)
But where do I start? I have an ex-husband and had 3 dogs, one of which was incredibly loyal to him even though he never lived in the house since her birth. All she had to hear was, Daddy's coming over tonight, and she would just stare out the window until he arrived.
Well, I moved and only could take 2 dogs, so I told him he had to take Clara (it was a lie, but I felt like they needed each other LOL).
He lives in an efficiency and when he went to work, she managed to do all kinds of crafty things when he was gone.... like taking a half-full can of Diet Coke, spilling in on the bed, and then covering it up with the blankets...
She can get into child-proof locks on the cabinets. He has to put the garbage in his car every day. She opens up the coffee container and just leaves it for him... like... okay... see what I can do?
She is the smartest dog I've seen in my life. When they visit, I swear, she understands what I'm saying.
But the most incredible thing is how she loves him.
He did some Internet searches for things to keep dogs with separation anxiety busy. Remember, she was here with her siblings and me all the time. You might want to check that out. One idea was stuffing an apple with peanut butter. He finally resorted to just leaving the jar open. The cage isn't really a bad idea either if it's a young pup.
One more story... He was walking her and an unleashed dog attacked her. He managed to separate them and get someone to get Clara back in the house, but the door didn't shut tightly. He was still holding the unleashed dog and she bounded out out to defend him. She ended up getting ripped up with over 40 stitches. He's convinced she only came back out for his sake.
Anyhow, sorry for going on, but if any suggestions below don't work (I didn't read them), do a search or email me and I'll give you his email so he might give you some tips.
I was just thinking today how my life revolves around my dogs. I really don't even like leaving the house because I know they hate it. If I miss one of their 'scheduled' walks, I feel guilty. I do have more of a life than my dogs, but... you know... ;-)
i write checks
only when I have to, but I have adorable checks. I know it takes a BIT longer, but now with the new "slide your own card, then type 100 keys just to say OK to the transaction" it's about the same time, if you really think about it.
The thing about people stopping in the middle of an aisle OMG why why WHY do they do that? GET OUT OF THE WAY, MOVE TO THE SIDE, BE CONSIDERATE!!! im with you on that one
So that's why they can't read and write!! Now I know
Instead of teaching them the fundamentals, it is more important for our schools to teach them to be tolerant, and to love. That will get them a good paycheck, What was I thinking! Guess I was dreaming when I heard about the separation of church and state.
I could write a book about this, but I'll
You can't control your ex. Period. You can only control what happens in your home. Your ex felt it appropriate for the GF to call your son and wish him happy birthday. Be thankful she didn't drop by or ask to come over for a visit. Trust me, if you try to put the kids in the middle of a struggle of what you think is appropriate for the kids, the kids lose. I don't know the age of your son, but you can certainly talk to him about how he felt about it. He most likely felt nothing considering he has only met her twice. Sort of like a peer who knows somebody who knows somebody who called to say happy birthday.
As far as the family not recognizing the kids' birthdays - either get used to it, or you call them and ask if they would like to speak with him. The dissolution of marriages cause supposed love ones to vanish like flies around a vinegar trap. It isn't your ex's job to have his family maintain a relationship with your kids. That responsibility falls to the extended family.
I would certainly encourage the kids to send greeting cards or make phone calls to the other side of the family to acknowledge their important dates. It might help them feel less awkward about how they should be behaving in the situation. They may simply just not know what involvement is wanted or expected and need some guidance -- but only if the child wants that contact.
I'm the grannie raising my granddaughter and I have watched every single person who claimed to love this child fall by the wayside if it weren't for my being proactive in trying to maintain the relationships she and I feel are important to her feeling connected to the family. That means my going to my ex in-laws who talked badly about me for over a decade...looking them in the face and watching the joy my granddaughter has in surrounding herself with family. They simply don't know how to handle the situation. My daughter had a new guy move in with her 2 weeks after she brought the little one to me. At 6 weeks, she wanted to introduce him to me and her. I told her straight up he had to make it to the year anniversary mark before I would allow the new guy to meet my granddaughter. I won't let her confuse her and play "who's your daddy" game.
I better stop now...like I said, I could write a book. I hope you find that sort through the negotiating thing of this for the best of the kids and try to put your personal feelings secondary to that goal (not that I think you aren't doing that, just saying).
Good luck. 
Yes - white boards that you write on
the very thinnest you can buy as they are lightweight so not hard for you to take up and down and not all that ugly really if you don't cover them!! We decided on white wall as when we first started shopping we were going to try and hang white boards that we had purchased at Staples/WalMart but realized so much cheaper to buy pieces of wood and cut ourselves - plus will hand down to kids/grandkids when we no longer need so they can draw on them!! I use a fan also in the summer as I have ADD and any interruption noise interrupts my concentration so totally understand the fan - just way too cold for me in the winter and son who works for power company noted they are not exactly energy efficient :( Good luck - let us know!! Thank you also because I never thought about actually covering with fabric until your original post - it would also protect the corners as concerned I might drop on my leather couch at some point and poke a hole in them - although they really are not that sharp - just being cautious I guess!! :))
As I write this, tears are in my eyes
because my furkids also gift from hubby and I know, really know the love we give these little ones. She had been through so much. You gave her a good home and I am sure did everything to make her life comfortable. I have 2 boys from my gift and 1 is a purrer and the other 1 not but again know I along with others share your sorrow.
I'm a NYC girl and always write TY notes
However, I now live in Florida and I must say JUST ABOUT NOBODY HERE sends a thank you note. Though, I did send a gift to Queens NY and never got a thank you note from the wife.....a shy passive Jackson Heights lady who married a friend of mine - I sent a lovely gift and never got thanked by her. And they live in Long Island.
So, I think it is not just NYers/northerners - I think this problem is rampant. Oh, and my Hispanic friends also don't send ty notes nor do their kids (Florida residents). Nor do in-law relatives from Europe.
I still don't get it....
Well, maybe, just like I think the mayor should never write a judge
telling what kind of role model Michael Vick was to the chldren in Atlanta? How much he gave to the community? The news paper printed her entire letter and I was shocked to know she met with Vick after he was charged and then wrote a dang letter to the judge. Whatever he accomplished so far he has blown it in his murderous ways as far as I am concerned. I guess she is just not into animals.
Get your doctor to write a Rx for GlycoLax
nm
I would write a detailed letter - sm
to the teacher, school counselor, principal, and send a copy to the school board. No resolution, no satisfaction, no kids in your school!
That counselor was way out of line but the blame also falls to the principal and teacher for not following up and making sure you were able to get a meeting.
They have some nerve. They forget WHO pays their salaries.
Can you name a movie, and then write a quote or two from it?
Jerry Maguire..."show me the money" and "you had me at 'hello.'"
According to snopes.com, Andy did NOT write this.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp
You write that you had a uterus prolapse
why did they take your uterus out? As far as I know they lift it back into the right place.
That you lost so much blood
is really strange.
Go to the ER, it really amazes me that they send you home.
Let us know what happens!
write him a letter and explain to him like you
explained it to us. Tell him how you really feel. Give him some days to 'digest' it, then give him a call.
If you have definitely made up your mind, you have to tell him before he gets out, otherwise I doubt that you will be able to tell him face to face and you will just give in.
Be thankful you have your wonderful mom to write that letter to..sm
It has been a little over a year since my mom passed away. I miss her so much. I would love to be able to write my mom or call her. I was fortuante enough to have spent many, many holidays in the kitchen helping my mom. I sure do miss it now. Give thanks that you have your mom in your life. I am also a married mother of 3 and am 36 y/o with no mom for the holidays. God Bless you, your family, and most of all your mom. I am so sad every day without mine.
1. Escalate the problem to a supervisor. 2. Write a letter.
X
Write an anonymous letter. Type it up if you are that concerned, although I sm
am a big fan of minding my own business. You need to talk to her first instead of about her like this. Tell her your concerns. Be real and up front. Say, I don't respect you for this because you seem to be able to do such and such and I should turn you in. Don't be scared to do this. But if you are afraid, then write a letter since you say you know the insurance person and secretary.
That was not called for. She copied this from an internet site, she did not write it. nm
nm
C'mon, It's a mail forward, I didn't write it myself.
//
to write 'more stupid' is 'stupider' than stupider.
From a dictionary:
stupider
A word so commonly used in place of "more stupid" that it should be its own slang word. And with the creation of this definition, it is.
The phrase 'more stupid' takes more time to write out and is much Stupider then just writing 'Stupider'."
gas card
I always go with cash, but if you don't like that maybe a gift card to the local gas station. Ours has this in any denomination you choose.
Credit card (SM)
There was information about credit cards and interest rates going around late last year/early this year. Basically, from what I understand with the new bankruptcy law this was attached to it. The credit card companies can and will charge you and me whatever interest rate they want to, and the only thing we can do is cancel the card and pay off the balance. There were these little inserts with your statements that many of us just throw away and never think about it. But I did read the ones that were sent with several of my statements, and I kindly told them to keep my rate where it was and I canceled the card. Sad but true.
Gift Card
Just a note. I learned from my daughter and my neices that the VISA gift cards are the prefered gift card. They can be used anywhere salons, stores, and even gas stations which for a 16-yo can be a lifesaver.
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