My understanding from my attorney is that during the divorce process,
Posted By: AnonMT on 2009-02-19
In Reply to: I vote for the bide your time choice. :) - truffle
from the time I file until the time it is final, the judge can issue an order forcing him to leave until it is final and a decision is made about splitting the property.
He takes lithium for his bipolar disorder, but yesterday when he was released from jail, he went to the ER because he was apparently vomiting profusely and was found to have lithium toxicity. So now he's not taking his lithium and I'm sure he will use this as an excuse to not take it anymore.
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See a divorce attorney
Find out what your rights are in your state. If the children are staying with you, then your husband should be the one to leave. It doesn't matter if he says he won't do it. It matters what the law says he will do. If you have a court order telling him to leave, he will either leave or go to jail.
I understand how difficult this is, I really do. I have been married a long time and have come very close to divorce, to the point of physical separation, twice. No matter how bad the situation is, your life is entwined with your husband's and it hurts to break those ties.
But for your sake and the sake of your children, you need to do it. And you need to be prepared. That is why you must to have someone on your side who knows the law and can help you make sure you and your children are protected and get everything that you need and deserve.
attorney
First of all she already has a court order and $25 for a consult fee is way cheap try like $80.
I'd be all over that school with an attorney for it.
nm
did you use an attorney or a mediator? (sm)
to make agreemetns and trade like that - did you have to hire an attorney?
We are in the process of listing...sm
a home for sale. Want to make sure I put the listing on as many low-cost websites as I can. It's a long story why we are not on the multiple listing yet. I've listed the house on craigslist and a couple of other classifieds/real estate sites. Anyone have any suggestions for where else might be a good place on the net to post the listing. Working on the free sites first and then will consider which of the paid sites are the wisest choices. If you've ever looked for real estate online, where did you search most often or first?
my husband is in the process right now
He started trying to set one up using Yahoo site builder, but he had some trouble with it not making updates properly (maybe just him, as he has no experience with this, not sure), but then a friend that he works with told him about www.homestead.com and he is getting the domain name he had at Yahoo switched over now. They offer a 30-day free trial, and then I think it is a pretty low monthly charge afterwards. Good luck?
It can be a drawn-out process, but here are some
Santa Clara Valley Humane Society:
How Do I Introduce A New Cat To My Presently Owned Cat?
Bringing home an additional cat can be a very exciting event for us humans, however it can be very traumatic for all felines involved. It can end in disaster if not approached carefully! By using the following guidelines below, you can make that transition much easier and have a greater chance at successfully integrating an additional feline into your household.
Pay lots of attention to your existing cat throughout the following procedure, including daily exercise (try a cat aerobics or cat dancer toy). This will help your old cat feel more secure that someone else isn't going to take away your affection.
Have definite, coinciding feeding times for both cats.
Do not at any time physically hold the cats and put them face to face. That is a surefire way to stimulate aggression! Cats are not very forgiving either. If they are started out on the wrong foot, it is very difficult to undo the damage.
Always provide an additional litterbox in a different location. If you have more than two cats, you will need to provide at least one box per cat. This is to prevent territorial disputes over this very important resource. Remember to clean the boxes daily to encourage correct litterbox habits.
STEP ONE: Confine the New Cat to it's own small room.
This is to be your new cat’s "playpen" and safety area. A bathroom, small office or small bedroom where your existing cat normally does not "hang out" are ideal locations for your new cat’s room.
Put a litterbox, bed, food, water, scratching post and toys in the new cat’s room. This special room accomplishes several things. One, it decreases the chances of spreading any possible diseases your new cat may be carrying (remember to keep your new cat confined for approximately ten days even if you are able to complete the following steps in a lesser time period). Two, it helps your new cat get used to the smells, sounds and you, without having to confront a "hostile" greeting party (your existing cat).
Provide your existing cat with his own litterbox, bed, toys, etc. in a different area of the house. He may go the room of your new cat, sniff under the door, hiss and yell but just ignore him when he does so. Do not punish him in any way for hissing or growling at this point. Just walk away from him. Give him attention when he is calm.
STEP TWO: Use Scented Food Dishes
After your new cat has been confined for several days and is not hiding from you or acting nervous, take a small wash cloth, rub it on your new cat and then place it under your "old" cat’s food dish just before feeding time. Now do the opposite for the new cat. If either cat is reluctant to eat, try adding something really special to the cat’s bowl to entice him to eat. (Or put the wash cloth at a distance from his bowl were he will eat quietly. Gradually over the next few days, bring the wash cloth closer and closer until you can finally put it under his dish without any problems.)
Repeat at each feeding (always reviving the scent by rubbing on the opposite cat) until each cat eats calmly with no hesitation, hissing or growling. The more feedings you have per day, the faster the process will go. Just feed smaller amounts spread out over the day. Try to do at least two feedings per day, better yet three or more.
The successful completion of this step may take up to two weeks in some cats or as little as four days with others. In any case, do not move on until each cat is relaxed.
STEP THREE: Use close feedings.
After the successful completion of step three, place each cat’s dish on respective sides of the newcomer’s room. Again, feed definite meals to each cat, at the same time, on each side of their door. You do not need to add the scented cloth under the dish any longer.
Repeat this process until BOTH cats are acting normal; no hesitation to eat, no hissing, growling, spitting etc. then go on to step four.
You can also help this process along by playing daily with each cat under the door with a cat aerobics toy (a rubber pom-pom looking spider on a wire). In the process of playing they will put their paws under the door for the other to see and smell. This may help to engage them in play under the door with each other as well.
STEP FOUR: Play the switch game
If you are starting this step, check to make sure you have had your new cat at least ten days. If it has not been at least ten days, stay on step three until then. Again, this is for concerns of spreading possible disease. If it is over ten days and you are still not at this step, do not worry! Go at your cat’s pace. Your cat will tell you to move on to the next step by acting relaxed and normal.
Step four puts the new cat’s scent all over the territory of your existing cat but without an actual physical confrontation. This is an important step so do not skip it!
Confine your old cat to a comfortable room with a litterbox and some of his favorite food. Let the new cat out to explore by just opening the door to his room. Do not carry him out; as we want him to learn the route to and from his room on his own four feet. Let him wander around for several hours under supervision. Play with him and encourage him to relax. Next, put him away in his room and let your "old" cat out. Your existing cat may walk around the house, sniffing, hissing or growling as he can now certainly smell that "intruder" in all parts of HIS house. That is OK. Let him walk around and act grumpy. Just ignore him or try to get him to play with you to help relax him.
Repeat the switch game daily until BOTH cats are acting normal and are relaxed.
STEP FIVE: Limited Contact
After successful completion of step four, start this next step by putting your new cat back into his safe room. This process will allow the cats to see each other but not make physical contact.
Stack two 36" high-tension gates (baby gates) in the newcomer’s doorway, but with about two inches left at the very bottom. (Enough to get a paw under but not a head.) Gates are available at pet stores, children’s specialty stores or department stores. Or trying borrowing some from your friends.
If you have reason to believe that either cat will get over the gates then use two hard plastic doorstops. Jam the door of the room with the stops one on each side with the door cracked open only two to three inches. Make sure that neither cat can fit his head through the opening. Check that the door is secured and will not suddenly pop open or slam shut if a cat body slams against the door aggressively. They should be able to whack each other with their paws and investigate without full body contact. Again, encourage the cats to play through the door by using a cat aerobics toy put through the opening.
Continue the feeding ritual from step four above but with each cat still on their respective side of the baby gates or jammed door. When you are not home or can not supervise at least peripherally, close the door. Hissing, growling, posturing should be virtually at nil before you continue on to step six.
STEP SIX: Let them meet casually
After the successful completion of ALL the steps above, you are in great shape to now just let the cats casually find each other in the household.
Start first by heavily exercising EACH cat separately, especially if one animal is young and very playful. If one animal wants to play so badly that he harasses the other cat, they can become enemies quite quickly.
Next, get each cat’s food dish ready with something really good, like some bits of tuna or a tablespoon of wet food. Just before feeding time, leave the new cat’s door open or take down the stacked baby gates. Let the cats casually find each other and then feed them a meal, so they are eating about one foot away from each other.
Next, go ahead and get out a cat toy and play with the cats together. The whole process of step six is designed to associate something really pleasant with having this other cat around.
Some cats may hide; there may be some initial hissing or growling. That is OK. Let them work it out as long as no one is launching a full out physical attack on the other. Keep trying to feed them close together as well as play their favorite games with them.
Final Comments
Do not let one cat become a bully.
If one cat always seems to be the aggressor, supervise any cat interaction. Be ready with a squirt bottle set on a straight stream to break up any cat fights. Just make sure it is harassment and not play! Do not leave the cats together unsupervised if you are having this bully problem. Put the bully into confinement when you can not watch them.
Try to exercise the aggressor more heavily before they are allowed to interact.
This often takes off the "edge" and makes the aggressor more agreeable. The disagreeable one can also wear a harness dragging a six-foot leash under supervision. The harness is so you can quickly remove him from the situation. Again try to associate something positive with having the other cat around, like special treats or play.
IMPORTANT:
If you have not carefully followed the guidelines above, go back to the beginning and start over. Be warned that the introduction may take up to three times as long on the second go around as you have to go back and try to repair that "bad first impression." To introduce any new animal into your household takes a lot of time and patience. It can go smoothly if you take your time and follow the steps above. But don’t expect things to be perfect overnight or try to rush things as you may end up with archenemies instead of best friends! We wish you purrfect luck!
These guidelines are from the Humane Society of Santa Clara Valley
If I had to ask attorney, I would change the party
when you have to go to such extremes just to have a birthday party for a child, I would not give 1 or have 1 away from a pool where a kid could get hurt or drown. Makes no sense to have to jump through hoops just to give a darn party.
Try switching the food and see what happens. Process of
s
In the process of tearing up our old carpet
carpet to reveal hardwood floors and plan to sand ourselves - a huge project I am told - but sweat equity. You put down beautiful vinyl tile squares on our old linoleum which was over hardwood - I wish we had remodeled the kitchen ourselves - we got taken big time - so do yourself if you can. Congrats lady and best of luck!!
I use checks, but have streamlined the process - sm
by filling out everything but the amount (date, signature, phone number) on the check, & entering all info. into my check register except the amount, before even leaving for the store. Check is torn out, and in my wallet where I can just pull it out, write in the total, hand it to the cashier, and take off as soon as she gives me the receipt.
Nowadays their computer/cash machine setup takes only seconds to verify the check. I usually wait to fill in the amount in the check register until I get home.
It's weird, but often I find it takes longer to pay with money than it does with a check. (Especially if I have a bunch of change and I'm trying to pay with the exact amount.) That seems to freak people out in line even more than using a check.
Also, nowadays the checker ends up doing the bagging, too (seems the stores have cut WAY back on hiring baggers.) So as he or she finishes each bag, I put it in the cart from where I'm standing, so he or she doesn't have to walk around the counter to do it. And I grab things like milk jugs, big 12-pack soft-drink cartons, cat litter, and other big things that don't really need a bag.
Anyway, I find doing just those few things seems to get me through the line pretty fast.
Payment process was restructured.
x
you can pay attorney for an Order To Refinance for Ex; if he can't finance,
nm
I just gave an attorney a dose of their own medicine....sm
A good friend of mine is a general surgeon, and when his secretary is on vacation they forward the phones to me to answer. His attorney has the usual attorney mentality of charging my friend for phone time each time he calls and asks about a legal issue, yet he doesn't hesitate to call my surgeon friend and want free advice about a potential medical malpractice case or auto injury case. I got my surgeon friend convinced that we needed to put a stop to this. Sure enough,the attorney called a while ago and I asked him if he was calling in regards to anything my friend had him working on. He said no - that he wanted to just bounce a potential case off of him. I told him that there would be a consulting fee of $200 an hour for the surgeon's time. My surgeon friend was in the office and was cracking up as I gave the attorney the message. The attorney asked me why he was going to charge him - and I told him that it was because he always charges the surgeon for his time! He decided he didn't want to pay.
Check with your state attorney general's
xx
I am having it done via lap assisted vaginal way, using a new process called
Robotix. If all goes well, supposed to be a day surgery, first thing in the morning and if I feel up to it, I may be able to come home same day in the afternoon, which is what I am hoping for.
Check with your state's Attorney General's office.
NM
Have you gone through the Pell, FASA, PHEAA process yet? Some of those loans are
I would be persistent about speaking with a financial counselor. Or, perhaps, stop in your local branch bank and ask to speak to someone. Maybe they can offer some assitance; monetarily or otherwise.
Best of Luck to you.
There are times I would love to stop the growing process
but I look at that as denying my children the incredible happiesses I have experienced, such as college, marriage, children, etc. and that makes it a bit easier.
Yeah, Tried to... even called the state attorney general's office
to see if a medical facility could get away with charging that kind of interest and they said as long as they notified you prior to the bill, it's okay because you basically agree to the terms when you accept that form of payment option, which I didn't but... They advised me that I would have to hire a personal lawyer to fight it and I figured it wasn't worth it for a balance of 200.00.
Pretty bad because that is the closest hospital. The next closest is almost 200 miles from here so they really stick it to the people who live in this community when health care is already sky high and the care is not entirely satisfactory either.
What are you not understanding? lol
See link: :)
http://www.answers.com/topic/scrapple
Thanks for understanding..sm
I don't really know what statement Tom Cruise had made. It was late last night when I posted about anti-depressants and I did not want to get into a big long drawn out explanation of why I felt that way. I shouldn't have to, as it is just my own opinion. But now I have explained why I feel about anti-depressants as the way I do. I don't want any arguments either. Time is way too short to bicker about things that really don't matter any. Everybody has their own opinions about things and that should be respected. Unfortunately, that does not happen much on this board.
thanks again.
my understanding
it is my understanding that a spouse can receive SS benefits off of their retired spouse, I'm not sure how much, it's not as much as the working spouse; I read "up to half", but I believe that is further reduced if the non-working spouse begins receiving benefits before full retirement age and will remain at that rate even after reaching retiement age.
as far as Medicare goes; it is available to all individuals meeting the age (and in some cases health) requirements.
thanks for your understanding
and your opinion. I am hoping you are wrong, but I am taking what you say into consideration. I think we will ultimately see a counselor because we do want it to work, but I am aware of the fact that it may not, even if we want it to...
I don't think it's wrong to want to have friends over for casual dinners and theme parties... :( or even GO out for the occasional dance! When I start a family I will not be planning on going out dancing... just thought I'd add that...
I need help understanding ...
I did not grow up wealthy, but solidly middle class. We had a city house, and a country house (10 weeks every summer) my father was a business man, my mother a teacher. In my adult life, I have been rich and I have been poor, but with a friends and family safety net, mostly in between. Not everyone is so fortunate, and I feel it is our responsibilty as citizens to help each other. Why should someone be able to have life saving surgery simply because they are wealthy, as opposed to someone with no insurance OR someone whose insurance won't pay? Why should someone in this country, who works full time, go hungry and without dental and medical care?
Please, explain it to me, I need to learn about this very self absorbed kind of thinking. I need to understand how those who claim to be on "the religious right" couldn't care less about a starving, poorly educated born child, but get all hissy about a fetus.
Please, tell me.
Sorry am not understanding
pirate in his sites- did the President go somewhere?
I am not understanding of what you are saying
The person above saying she thought we both were spoiled. I in no way am making her or anyone else pay for that, just don’t understand where you get my being spoiled has anything to do with the issues we have between us. I am far from miserable, have wonderful marriage, travel a lot, have most I strive for, just don’t have to struggle like in earlier years. I would be the first to admit spoiled but that does not play into the relationship. Cannot figure your answer out???
Wow! Unusually understanding cop! - sm
When I had only had my license for about a year, I got stopped north of L.A. for slowing down in the left-hand lane of traffic on an older fwy. that had only 2 lanes in each direction. What that dipstick didn't understand was, the offramp I was exiting on the old-style, on the left side. It also had a very sharp curved marked ཕ MPH' on it, so I had slowed from 65 to about 55 as I was easing off the fwy., and he gave me a ticket once I'd stopped at the bottom. He said I got the ticket because 'a car passed me on the right'. Only thing is, I later checked the Calif. driver's handbook, and according to that, passing on the right was legal on freeways. Of course back then I was too young & too much of a chicken to fight the ticket in court. And, I had all my friends with me that day, who usually preferred to ride with me 'cause I was a safe driver! So, of course I was mortified..........
Sometimes I'm also the only one out there who slows down in the rain, too. I don't get these guys who still try to drive 75 when there's an inch and a half of water on the roadway. I've hydroplaned in a downpour, pulling a TRAILER, no less, at only 32 mph. So I have a very healthy respect for bad weather!
Driving in the Sierras during a snowstorm can be entertaining. On interstate 80 there is usually a spot where, if you don't have 4WD and snow tires, you're required to stop and chain up. A large percentage of the drivers on that road in winter aren't going up to ski, they're on their way to Reno, often for the first time in winter. They'll stop at the checkpoint, pay some guy $10 to put their chains on, and then as soon as they've gone a short ways, and they think no one's watching them, they stop and take the chains OFF! Further up the moutain, as you're going over Donner Pass, there are often cars everywhere; on the center divide, in snowbanks on the side, etc. And of course then there are the teenagers that think 4WD = invincibility. They think the extra traction that gets them moving in the snow will also stop them faster. NOT!! What I worry about the most when I go up skiing in a storm is one of those bozos skidding into me....
Understanding how you feel
really I am but when the diagnosis came thru on my child, that was devastating for her and me both. That was much, much worse than ever knowing the fact she had engaged in premarital sex. I did not worry about babies but having been thru all the reports on people dying right and left I was a basket case. She is now 10 plus years since and get this, another shocker for me-she tells me stopped taking her antiretrovirals some time ago as they are so poisonious for your system. She is now grown (30+) so I cannot make her decisions. That is certainly 1 I would not have made but I do not delve into her life, only here for backup.
It is my understanding that the owner of the --sm
property has the right to ask anyone to leave. It is their property and they do not OWE you to live there, even if you have been there all your life. If you are paying less rent than the average renter, I can see why he is doing this. You may be a good tenant, but everything, these days, comes down to dollars and cents. He may not have to do too much to "renovate," but he can get a much bigger price in rent. I really don't think you have a leg to stand on and I am sorry for your situation, but the owner can do anything they want to with their property.
Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I SM
will make a call in the next few days to find some help. I don't usually think of myself, but this has been so terribly difficult.
you mentioned innate understanding.... sm
I do believe that God instills in each of us a connection to him. I believe that this is why so many people who are constantly searching and seeking fulfillment in anything but God and his holy word are having a problem finding that peace and fulfillment that they so desparately crave.
Thanks, you are a real understanding person....nm
ss
My understanding is that both parties involved are black. nm
x
You are not understanding me. It doesn't matter how he gets the info. sm
If he works for the police department he most certainly can go into the archives or whatever you want to call it and pull up this guy's history or past. I'm telling you, they can do that. It is not a secret. Someone's police records are NOT a secret at all. Nothing like a medical record. All records are public knowledge. You can obtain them. You can obtain a rap sheet on ANYONE if they have one and you ask for one. If a business were to do a criminal background check you are given one on that person if they have a background. These records are not protected. The paper can run your history, anyone can run your criminal history and I think it's great.
It was my understanding, the checks are mailed out on Fridays, and
delivered..provided the mailing address was correct!
How much are stamps these days???
Be patient, kind, loving and understanding . . .
sounds to me like he is missing you and your mom/family life. He is probably hurting right now and needs you and for some reason he finds great comfort in being with you. My dad died 13 years ago and I loved having him around. I know your situation is different, but be the comfort he needs right now and I am sure this will end in time. He is looking for reassurance for something. Who divorced who? He is probably hurting a great deal right now even though he does have a new girlfriend. You won't regret being there for your father. Trust me.
I'm having a hard time understanding having a baby for selfish reasons...
My older sister feels the same way and doesn't want kids.
As I pointed out above, I'm being selfish by wanting my alone time and doing my own thing and not having to care for someone else.
but watching my little sister be a mother, it is one of the most SELFLESS acts I've ever seen.
So I guess I'm confused at how come you point out that it is selfish... just because you love babies doesn't make you selfish to have them. and of course it's "necessary" or we as a human race would be over ;)
I just feel like being a mother is the toughest job in the world... so I don't know how to combine selfish with that. I do see your point in a way that we want something to love, but I just look at it as being a family... I want a family. I know there are people who are content on their own... but I guess your point would be "WHY" do i want that family? I can't answer that in specific terms.
I guess it's to share the love that me and him have with a child or children some day... to expand our happiness. well i guess that is selfish. ha.
I'm glad you are such a good mom. I don't know what I'd do without mine.
you can give the people the facts, but the decision making process should be left to the people
This is what our country is founded on FREEDOM OF CHOICE! I'm laughing already; you are just as mortal as the rest of us, and don' even attempt to that you've never done anything in your lifetime that was unsafe or unhealthy. NOT gonna buy it.
divorce
Been there. You hit the nail right on the head -- his drinking overpowers or affects every aspect of your life, and your childrens' lives. Every day, every minute. Most people can't comprehend the constant stress that puts on a family. He's absolutely miserable with his drinking, and wants everybody around him to be as miserable as he is. Tired of walking on the eggshells and sick of the promises that mean nothing? I know I was! Drunks tell you what they think you want to hear to buy them more time. You need peace in your lives for once. You need to be able to predict what your day is going to be like when you wake up in the morning, and so do your kids. I hope it is a 'friendly' divorce for you. You may hurt his ego more than anything else. Good luck to you. I'll be keeping good thoughts for you. I will tell you this -- when my ex left after 12 years, my children and I finally felt like we could BREATHE.
Just let me know about the divorce! nm
m
divorce
Me, too, Freebie - I absolutely despised the man after 17-1/2 yrs., got divorced. He had the nerve to die 5 yrs. later. Had I stayed, I would be on easy street now instead of wondering whether to pay the phone bill, the electric bill or pay for Christmas or charge it. If I only knew then what I know now - haunting isn't it?
Divorce
My children were 14 and 11 at the time of my divorce, they are now 24 and 21 and are happy productive adults that any mother would be proud of. Not to say it wasn`t a very hard thing to go through, but all the fighting is very hard on the children to. I remember my daughter telling me that if I was to ever take her dad back she would be very mad at me, what does that tell you, if your children are old enough, talk to them about their feeling and fears.
Also, their dad got in their in there head and promised them all kinds of things that never came to past, to get them to stay with him so he didn`t have to pay child support,so be ready for that to, but as I said it didn`t take my daughter long to figure that all out, now she is grown and married and her and her dad hardly speak, which breaks my heart, it not fair that a child should have to do without either parent. Anyway I could go on about this subject all night cause it is a heartbreaking thing for all involved.
But you are the only one that know if it`s worth hanging on to.
my prayer`s go out to you in whatever you decide.
After my divorce
and my 45th birthday, it seems like everything changed for me. Things I thought were important, aren't anymore. I don't care about what I have, I'm more interested in what I've done, or more specifically, haven't done yet. Even my politics have changed some. Life changes you. Its like Character Remodeling as we mature.
I've always been suspect of anyone over 45 who tells me that they have no regrets in life. Have they lived life with eyes wide open? Nothing could have been made better?
In some ways, if you aren't evolving and changing, is it possible that you are not living? Great question.
divorce
It takes time. Be extra kind to yourself, seek support if you need to. It does get better, trust me. I am now in a place where I'm happiest I've ever been. I'm still alone but independent and free!
Divorce
I divorced my first husband when my children were 1 and 3. He was a crack addict. It wasn't easy but it was the right decision for me. I would definitely suggest going to Al-Anon. I didn't make it there until quite a few after my divorce, but it helped me a great deal. Best of luck with your decision.
Shelly
If you are going through with the divorce,
it will come out when you list assests, debts, etc.
divorce
I always think it is funny when women think divorce is the best thing for everyone and will make everyone happy.
Kids need two parents whether you are divorced or not, not a counselor to straighten him out.
Divorce
My jerk of a husband told me I have less than 2 weeks to move out -- that he spoke with a lawyer -- personally I don't think he has, but is this legal? My name is not on our home, but I have my own car in my own name, which I pay for and he has a set of keys-- refuses to give them back to me. I have about $80.00 to my name these days until payday. You know how it is with MT work -- living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do? Is there free legal help for women?
Divorce
My jerk of a husband told me I have less than 2 weeks to move out -- that he spoke with a lawyer -- personally I don't think he has, but is this legal? My name is not on our home, but I have my own car in my own name, which I pay for and he has a set of keys-- refuses to give them back to me. I have about $80.00 to my name these days until payday. You know how it is with MT work -- living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do? Is there free legal help for women?
Amicable divorce, can it be done?....sm
It's time DH and I end our marriage. It's not a good situation for any of us. Long story short, DH thinks it is me because I'm a miserable B**ch. All I know is DH is an alcoholic, which overpowers everything, so I have no idea, in all honesty, what lies beneath. The kids and I pretty much know every morning when we get up that today will end like every other day with dad coming home after his six pack +, feeling guilty, looking for imperfections in everyone else to gripe about to avoid the fact that he's drunk once again, and no mater how much we try, in the end, in an argument.
I'm mad at DH for choosing the alcohol over his family, I'm angry at myself for staying longer than I should have, etc., etc., etc.
I've decided the bottom line is that I want healthier, more peaceful, and more productive lives for myself and my kids. In the best interest of my children, he is their father and no matter how much hostility I feel towards him, the best thing for my children is that neither of their parents ends up destroyed or broke over the divorce. Basically, I want to remain focused on the goal of providing a better life to myself and my children, including not contributing to the destruction of their father. My suspicion is he is going to end up destroying himself anyway, but I honestly don't want to force that to happen. The optimal outcome for the kids would be to end up with two emotionally stable and financially secure parents. Is it possible to end the marriage without destroying the kids? Is it possible to stay focused on the ultimate goal of having a more peaceful and satisfying life for you and the kids and to just let go of anything that does not make a positive contribution toward that effort? Has anyone successfully managed an "amicable" divorce, or at least as amicable as possible? I've already wasted 15 years on a marriage I knew all along was never going to be successfull no matter how much I wanted it to be. Any advice?
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