My thoughts are that things will eventually settle down, but --
Posted By: Amanda on 2009-05-03
In Reply to: Need advice and to vent. SM--long. - advise me please!
I agree that when he graduates if he has his own family now then he should be on his own and supporting himself and the family that he is making. I would not support him anymore.
I am sorry that you are having these problems. I had war with my first mother-in-law for 20 years (not my doing) and it makes everyone miserable - I understand. Just give it some time and she will settle down. She is just seeing how far she can take things now and if your son gives in to her, that is the way it will be for life.
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They don't settle for what they are given.
They don't necessarily work harder. Based on your premise, this guy should have worked so hard he died:
Exxon is giving Lee Raymond one of the most generous retirement packages in history, nearly $400 million, including pension, stock options and other perks, such as a $1 million consulting deal, two years of home security, personal security, a car and driver, and use of a corporate jet for professional purposes...
Corporate documents filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission that revealed Raymond's retirement deal and his $51.1 million paycheck in 2005. That's equivalent to $141,000 a day, nearly $6,000 an hour.
Can someone settle this question between my husband and I?
He just got summoned for jury duty in the county we reside in. He was on exempt status for the county he works in because he was working overseas for a year. Within a month of his return stateside, he voted in a local election and now has his summons for the county we reside in. I say it is because he votes in all these local elections. He says it is because he has a driver's license in this state and that is how they summons people. Who is right? We have been really deabting this one! Thanks, everyone! 
A home, so I can settle down and work.
x
I was reading about this yesterday to settle an argument, and Patti is exactly right.
It does eventually.
Sometimes it seems like the updates take a step backward but as long as the people editing are consistent, the system will get better. I've been using it for 3 years now.
it's sickening, I know and eventually we....sm
I am certain eventually in Florida (south) - we will have the same - I already know that Home Depot here has self-checking out/cashiering ongoing......I knew 10-15 years ago that cashiers were going to be slowly faded out in this country......and that we will check our own things out from stores
BUT....CUSTOMER SERVICE IS ALREADY DOWN THE TOILET in S. Florida by the way.....sorely lacking here for 25-30 years.....
this just adds to more lousy customer service....2 words which I think MANY PEOPLE (in the field) just don't get.....CUSTOMER SERVICE - think about it....we are the bread and butter on these people's tables - and they ACT like they are doing US a favor....OH I HATE WAL-MART!!!
That may be true eventually...
but so far, I have not found it to be the case. My second is only 3 months old, though, and so far, two have been far more work than just the one. The youngest is really not old enough to play yet, so I spend a lot of time keeping my 2-year-old from trying to "play" with the baby.
He might eventually be more but for the time being
his estate will have to pay off any and all debts, not his family, not kids, but his estate then afterwards, $40 million to have to pay off is nothing to sneeze at. Sure in the long run could possibly have more money in the till but right now he died broke. Even the place where he was living was paid for by the company backing his comeback, thousands a month for that.
No he won't know you in particular viewed him. But eventually you'll probably want him to add
to send messages, pix, etc. He won't know how many times you look at his profile. That way you can see who all his My Space friends are, too! Sometimes I will be in my office typing and I will send a My Space message to my son in the next room telling him to come here rather than yelling for him.
Eventually, those girls will have their day of reckoning - sm
and it will be their turn to die and cross the *Rainbow Bridge*. As the story goes, before you're allowed to cross that bridge into Heaven (or whatever you perceive the afterlife to be), you are greeted by ALL of the animals you've ever known in the world, and they get to speak for or against you. I'm sure that kitten, and probably lots of other animals before it, will have a lot to say, and those girls will be spending THEIR afterlives in the Other Place.
Just about everything ends up on YouTube eventually.
The news is important. I recall I did not have a T.V. signal during 9/11 and it was 9:50 AM PST by the time I realized what had happened. I felt I had been sailing through the day when I should have been feeling dispair, and that was strange.
During a break, on 9/11, I opened up AOL and two a pic of the Twin Towers with smoke pouring out of their sides, just a small pic and I nearly did not read it.
Try increasing your exercise time...eventually
xx
I think you are making a mistake and son will eventually resent you for that (sm)
He should at least get a chance and not be held accountable for something someone else did. It is definitely very unfair to him.
I had a dog missing for about 2-3 weeks and someone took him in. Eventually called me from big poste
nm
I've heard good things and about things about taking prednisone. My mom was on it for SM
for awhile and it made her look so swollen. I sympathize with you.
My thoughts
I hope you don't take this the wrong way but have you thought about having him tested for drugs? I work in a psychiatric facility and have seen first hand what methamphetamine is doing to this country. As a parent, I would certainly want to know if my child was doing drugs (hope this is not your case) but it's better to be safe than sorry. I would check with your local hospital, police department, prison or even psychiatric ward to see if there are any types of programs that would give him a first hand look at what drugs can do to you.
I advise you to take the upper hand. DO NOT let him threaten you in any way. In my opinion, the children of today could use a few good smacks. As parents, we should be allowed to discipline our children as we see fit (within reason). This is how it all begins, believe me I've seen it at my job. Parents literally have to put restraining orders on their children for fear of harm. Again, I hope this is not your case. I wish all the best.
Take care 
My thoughts -
It really sounds like situational anxiety to me. You have had a lot of life stressors hit you at once. I went through very similar feelings as yours with also waking up in the middle of the night unable to sleep for hours on end and so jittery with my heart pounding during the day I thought I would trip over my own feet and/or have a heart attack. I chose to not use medication because I tend not to do well on many meds. What I did do was make SURE I left myself enough time each day to unwind. Nothing makes you feel worse than not enough sleep. Try a bedtime ritual of a bubble bath and hot tea. When you wake up in the middle of the night take huge, deep, relaxing breaths and force all thoughts out of your head. I call this self-soothing. It does work for me. Is there any way you can get a massage on a regular basis? You would be surprised at how much benefit that can have to your overall well-being. Remember, you are no good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself. Best of luck to you. :-)
My thoughts. sm
If you have Jesus in your heart, no person, no store, no nothing, can take God out of your life.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Yes, I did wonder if may be he is doing something else. He did tell me that he gets a buzz from this. I have no idea why. I will have to "grill him" for more answers.
I know all about the college life. They are totally, for the most part, on their own. No Mom or Dad around to watch what they are doing. Since we had a problem with alcohol over the summer, I am sure he has been drinking at college. I can only talk to him about the dangers of this, that it is illegal since the drinking age where I am is 21 and all the other stuff that we parents tell our kids. It is a matter of will they listen and take our advice. I will keep talking to him, because I love my son very much, but in the end he is an ADULT NOW, as he has told me, and I can only so do much. It is HIS LIFE. The discussions and talking will go on.
Here's my thoughts ...
If they have been making partial payments, apparently they do not have enough income to continue paying the full rent wherever they are living. They should take this as an "opportunity" to get into a cheaper-rent location. This will also buy them some time on collections for the $1900 past due amounts.
I know how hard it is to be in financial straits. Having made a full recovery and living responsibly now, I can say without doubt that poor credit scores are well deserved. It takes poor planning or complete lack of plus poor spending plus poor budgeting plus living beyond means and not ensuring one has adequate compensatory skills to get there. It is very painful no-excuses realization to make in owning up to personal financial disaster.
This could be a great chance for them to evaluate how they truly got into this situation, what they could have done to have prevented it, what they can do in the future to avoid it again, and start fresh.
Lower rent right now, a change in spending habits, build savings, and increase income -- this is the only way they will actually change this living situation permanently. Anything else is just a quick but expensive (not to mention waste of charitable resources if they cannot maintain their current rental) extension of the inevitable.
Wish I could give an easier suggestion for them. If it hurts enough, they'll make changes and avoid it in the future and that can be the silver lining in this very difficult circumstance.
My thoughts
They have heroes! Unfortunately, they are Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Nicole Ritchie, Eminen, all those gang rappers, etc. : (
My first thoughts on this -
I have never personally had a 40-year mortgage. Get a mortgage calculator and figure how much interest you will pay over the life of the loan for both the 30-and 40-year mortgages. That alone might help with your decision. Is this to allow you to buy more house or just to get into the market at all with lower payments? If you are in a very expensive market then it might be the way to go. However, I am not sure I would want to pay all that extra money to the bank for a longer loan. Just my two cents. Good luch to you. :-)
some thoughts
Historically a lot of islands (Australia for one) were populated by undesirables transported from other places to get rid of them.
I had begun to think that (with all the mention of the people being found dead) the island was the afterlife - remembering existentialist (was it Camus or Sartre - No Exit) theory that He**ll is other people.
Still mulling a lot of this over - Locke may really be dead - they have gotten rid of less people this season thus far. More thoughts later.
my thoughts
Mobile homes are very nice nowadays compared to before -- and built better, but they just are not built as well as a home. It may work well for you, if you find the right place to put your mobile home, but you still have hassels of repairs, don't you? What about a reasonable condo or townhouse -- they're built better, safer in storms, and don't depreciate so much; and your condo association deals with some of those repairs, ie roof, and does the outside maintenance. If you go with the mobile home, might want to check out the used ones -- as they depreciate like a car, immediately!
Good luck.
My thoughts
It sounds like she is definitely good at planning an over-the-top wedding and honeymoon, but the fact is that that is between your dad and her. Sure, you can fume all you want and maybe what she is doing is not right because of the cost of it, but it is their life and their plans. Smile sweetly and wish them well. You will be seen as a much bigger person if you just go along with their plans rather than trying to insert your ideas where they are not wanted. Good luck with this. I had a similar situation several years ago. Confrontation does not pay off here. Trust me, being nice as pie will let you sleep easier at night. :-)
My thoughts...
No matter what I weigh, my toosh expands to at least the width of my chair.
my thoughts, as well.
nm
Thank you for your thoughts..sm
I am not one to take meds either and that is why I have stayed away from the family doc. When it first happened he wanted to put me on something, but I am of the belief that a pill only masks what is wrong and you have to learn to deal..and feel..with what is going on. Thank you so much for your thoughts and the hug! I have been looking into some counseling, but we live so far out in the country from where their offices are. Maybe when the kids start back to school I can do that. Thanks again.
My thoughts exactly
That thought crossed my mind a hundred times. The only problem is we are new to the area and don't know anyone here. Sure wished we had our own place where we could just take her but some things are beyond our control.
Just thoughts
but horrific rib pain can be either costochondritis or a rib fracture.
(You can fracture a rib playing golf and all kinds of weird ways).
Shingles pain can follow around a rib. Is it nerve pain?
My thoughts...
Something like that, 38 and 18 sounds to me almost like child molestation because 18 is still so young. If talking about people in their 30s and older, I'm not sure it really matters. I was married to a man 12 years older who was very active and young at heart. I am now with my current husband who is 5 years younger and he acts like an old man. lol So there you go.
my thoughts...
I agree with the other poster who said this was an emotional affair and to end it now. You've never met in person. Online or on the phone, one can be whomever one wants to be. Meeting in person is another thing entirely. You're *in love* with what you've made this person out to be. I'm sorry, but you don't know the *real* him yet. I don't want to sound harsh, but let it go. He's married and sounds intent on staying that way. Let him go. Move on with your life. Don't waste another day worrying about this man. I know it's easier said than done, but it's really your only choice.
My thoughts are with you
My thoughts are with you as I have had the same experience. I lost my son, my youngest child, last year in a car accident. We just celebrated what should have been his 22nd birthday the day after Thanksgiving. The days seem to get better, but they are never easier. Just thinking of him sometimes sends me right back to the dreadful phone call. I have found that I have two lives, one ended the day we lost him and another started the day after. I visit him every day on his memorial website..as do lots of family and friends. www.eric-shavensky.memory-of.com
Thanks for your thoughts. Definitely not best for us, but
when she looks at me with her BIG eyes I think she is telling me to let her go. The problem is, she keeps on purring. That is the hardest. I am trying to hold her as much as possible today but that makes it even harder.
Some thoughts for you -
I was not attracted to my husband at all when I met him. We devolped a friendship that grew over time and THEN I found myself very attracted to him. Still am after all these years. We are about to celebrate 25 years of marriage. I am SO glad I did not brush him aside because I did not feel instant attraction to him. Just something to think about!
thoughts
He can't understand what you did simply because he isn't a parent yet. He will probably still be mad about it for some time, regardless of whether he needed it or not. Someday when he is a parent he will understand why you took him, but probably not before then.
I think you did the right thing. In cases like that you just have to assume the worst and go from there. You would have never forgiven yourself if you hadn't taken him and then something terrible happened. He may never want to tell you what he and the therapist talk about, and that's okay. I'm sure you're just dying of curiosity, but not much you can do about it. He has to know that what he says won't be revealed unless he wants it to or he won't open up.
Thanks to everyone for your thoughts...
I knew you were a great, animal-loving bunch. I have found myself doing things as always, like making sure he's not sitting at the door waiting to come in or asking one of the kids to let him out, and then I sink all over again, but I know it will get better.
Thanks again.
My thoughts
I've only been married once (still am), but my brother has been married 3 times. I think that a wedding shower is generally geared towards the bride. Therefore, if this is her first wedding and not the groom's - go for it. If it is the bride's second or third wedding, it just looks greedy. If she's having a shower for the pure fun of getting the girls together - then just make a notation on the invitation of "no gifts". However, it sounds from your post, that she's looking for gifts.
It would seem to me that she'll be getting enough gifts at her wedding. I don't think a shower for the sole purpose of getting gifts is appropriate. I also have 3 kids and only had a baby shower for the first one; although, I have to say that I've been to several baby showers for 2nd and 3rd babies. In those cases, I usually bring a small gift - diapers or an outfit and a gift for the big brother/sister.
A few thoughts
This is a difficult time when your daughter is trying to become her own person. Unfortunately, she is young and doesn't understand how to do it properly ... we have all been there in some way (and still are in many ways!). :)
It's not good to go too far to either side (too permissive or too strict). - Maybe you could talk with her and tell her you understand she needs to become more of her own person and help her to feel she has some choice in her decisions (without letting it get out of hand).
As far as the threat to leave home. I would tell her that you seriously hopes she does not make that choice and that the consequences will likely not be the thrill she is anticipating.
If you had any similar issues in your own teenage years, maybe you could share them with her. Also point out that you love, care, and worry about her and ask her if she would be concerned about you if you started behaving in an unhealthy, dangerous way (and name some specifics) so she can put herself in the other position for better understanding.
Maybe you could speak with a professional for some guidance.
As far as the father part, I get it. My ex-husband was a drama king and viewed things very differently than I did. It was usually of no benefit (and often made things even worse) when I tried to discuss anything of importance with him. You will have to use your own judgment there (and, again, maybe some professional help).
I had two daughters. Luckily they were mild compared to many, but even they went through things that concerned me ... and I'm sure there are still things I don't know! (There always is.)
Try to think of ways that will feel like freedom for her but not dangerous ... for instance, maybe the curfew time. Maybe you can cut her some slack in that area (even for a couple days out of 7) but tell her that if she abuses her privileges, she will lose them and that is her choice from there.
Also, whatever conclusions you do come to (after careful thought), stick with them so she knows you mean what you say ... and you expect her to mean what she says.
Remember that she will fight harder at first. They always do. :)
I'm certainly no expert ... just some thoughts.
My thoughts
I would also contact any local all-breed rescues you have (and there are several down your way) or at least look at their web sites to see if any are taking fosters for military pets. This is a huge issue -- I know for a fact that across the country, the German Shepherd community has been advocating for fosters specifically for military members. It is heartbreaking to know that servicemen and women are being forced to give up their pets, sometimes permanently, because they are out of options. Oftentimes, they make plans for their pets, but then are deployed with virtually no notice or their length of deployment changes and the plan is screwed up.
I do not know of any professional pet sitters that are taking military pets.
I applaud fosters everywhere for their stepping up for the pets and in support of our servicemen and women.
I'm involved in large breed rescue/rehab up North, but I know for a fact there are a lot of great people in the states you mentioned who work really hard on animal issues. If I see anything with potential on the boards I visit, I will pass along to you via a message here, if you'd like.
thoughts?...
The only thing I think when I see anything about this story ~ and I haven't been following it all that closely ~ is that they will never find that poor little girl alive. I hope I'm wrong, but the longer it goes, the more I doubt it.
I remember following the Susan Smith case when those sweet boys first disappeared and I thought in my heart of hearts that they would be okay. I guess that sort of jaded me for everything that has come along since. The Elizabeth Smart case certainly turned out better than I expected, though.
My thoughts
It literally makes me ill to think of what has happened to her and that there is actually a human being on this planet that would do such a thing. I do believe she is guilty. I don't think many people have any doubt about that. Just trying to understand why someone would harm her and what was going through their minds at the exact time they were doing this. I can't understand it. I remember years ago that Susan Smith (think that's her name) some other poster mentioned her, but I remember when that happened I thought if parents can't handle having kids don't they know how many people would love to have kids. I thought if you can't take having kids anymore then please bring them to a shelter so they will be safe and other families who cannot have children (like me) would be able to adopt these. I don't get why people don't do that.
We read and hear on the TV all these very strange things happened. Seeing as I type all day DH reads news and stuff and tells me bout these cases. Some young guy was driving down the road pulled over took his infant son out of the car and either beat him or just killed him. Someone saw this and the guy was saying something about the kid being posessed by satan. Another case some guy through his child off a bridge, some lady drowned her five children, and the latest DH told me about was some guy who was let out of some psychiatric hospital (I think), but went on a killing rampage. Walked into a store and shot a bunch of people, went somewhere else and shot some people, killed a P.O. and others. To bring it back to the story of Casey Anthony and what her mother has done (or not done maybe), but with all the very weird things going on does anyone have any idea why these things are happening. I sit here as a regular person wondering what is happening in the country. I've lived in other countries and sure they have crimes but not like here (as many or as horrendous). Is something going on that we don't know about. I read about the chem trails and wonder what in the world is in the poison that they are pouring on is. Is this what is making some people to absolutely lose their minds. What is wrong with our society.
Some thoughts for all
Sometimes when someone is saying things that aren't nice or just nonsensical, if you simply say: "What it is you are saying?" Or "I'm not sure I understand, what is it you are saying?" (in a pleasant, sincere tone of course) the person has to stop and think of what they ARE actually saying, and they get a little mirror glimpse of how they are actually coming across (not making sense, not being fair/nice, or whatever.)
The hubby who has not had a job in so long (if I understood properly) ... sounds like he is just kidding himself (or trying to distract you) with all his talk about what he is going to do next. It is not good for you OR him to be allowed to continue on that way.
And to those who have to keep their mouth shut so not to be slammed. Not fair, and life is too short. Get some counseling for yourself and don't live that way. Connection is the most important thing for people (and all living creatures). You should not be deprived of a decent, loving connection.
You can't make someone else behave differently, but you can learn to NOT tolerate it. They will either get help and make changes or you can move forward with a life that is better for you.
People will often get away with what they can!
Thoughts
I'm not trying to downplay your situation and certainly don't know all the details but I think this situation is different than a stepfamily of divorce situation and also different being that the children are older. My father passed when I was 20. In the years after my sister suggested that my mom start dating. When my mother made a casual comment about it I told her that I did not agree and would not accept any relationship that she had with anyone else. Some may say this was selfish but personally I believe in "the one" and marriage being FOREVER if it is the right person. My parents never had any problems and if he was still alive, they would still be married. No, I don't want to see my mother lonely but she could have friends without being married and giving me a stepfather replacement. I'm not saying I would be rude to this new person, but I would keep my distance and make it known that I don't agree with the marriage. Just trying to provide a different point of view. I'm sorry you are going through this...like I said I would never be rude because its not the stepparents fault but I can understand where the difficult feelings would come in for a child with a deceased parent...even an adult.
Thoughts on being gay
I don't have time to read all the posts now, but I did see that someone feels being gay is a sin.
Okay, so it is obvious a man and women being together is the original intent ... so is having both arms and legs, being born healthy in every way, etc. Things happen. No one turns out perfectly.
Sure there are some people who engage in homosexual "sexual" behavior just acting out sexually (and I'm sure they engage in all kinds of odd heterosexual sex activity as well). That is not being gay.
I believe that true homosexuality is a deviation in the intended normalcy (whether triggered by hormones in the womb or whatever) and is not a sin. It is a fact of life that happens. Just like people whose brain feels the opposite sex of their physical self, people who are physically born both sexes, and any other deviation from the perfect normal of human beings.
Whatever sex you are (if you are heterosexual) ... imagine that "normal" is to be with that SAME sex; however, you feel as you do now ... drawn to the opposite sex. How would you like having to make yourself be with the same sex because the other is looked at as sin and you would be ridiculed and acused of going against God if you didn't?!
Humans were the ones who wrote the Bible. Those humans were flawed, lived a long time ago when they didn't understand much of what we do now (about so many things), and there were control and political issues also involved. Come on! Take a look at our society now (and our politics). You can't tell me you can't see how BS is mixed up in there. ?
Jesus, himself, hated the bu!!$#i+ and was all about love and what REALLY matters.
My thoughts sm
I have seen corsages made of baby ruffled baby socks, which is not practical for a baby boy.
I have seen where people make a christening bonnet out of a lovely antique handkerchief without cutting it at all so it stays a handkerchief that is later carried on her wedding day. Again, not practical for a baby boy really.
I like your ideas. I'll share mom's favorite baby shower party favor: Pacifiers made of a mint lifesaver, a Necco candy and a jelly bean. She held them together with stiff frosting and they took a couple of days to make with drying time. These were part of other favors she didn't make, like triangles of flannel made into a diaper shape, pinned and dipped in wax so they held their shape for nut cups and baby bottles without the nipples, but with a straw for drinks. It is a very 50s and 60s thing, but then that is when my mom and her friends were having babies.
I'll be remembering the blanket wrapping idea.
Thought of a gift certificate to like JCPenney's Pixie Pinups photography? That is different at least.
Here are my thoughts
Health insurance that doesn't include dental or vision - They're all from the same body, right?
No insurance if you have a pre-existing condition.
I second the one about the huge salaries and bonuses for CEO's that they get even when they are fired as their companies are failing.
Gas prices that go up faster when the oil prices go up than they get lower when the gas prices go down.
Shows on Bravo about the Real Housewives, million dollar listings, and ridiculously expensive vacations with people behaving like spoiled brats, when our economy is so bad.
Thanks for the thoughts.
I think the holidays are why this is weighing on my mind so much. It is a time or remembering childhood, family, and friends - present and past. I'm sure it will all work out as it is meant to be. It is difficult no matter what. Thanks for listening.
My thoughts....
are that you need to find another doctor. The role of a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor is not to make decisions for you. They should listen to you and get you to think about what you really want from your situation.
My thoughts are....sm
If a magazine/whatever wants to pay them for pictures then why not sell them? The kids could use that money for going to college or vo-tech school.
As far as the conversation about her pregnancy, let's face it. If a woman and man want to have sex they will have it, regardless of their age. As the mother of 2 girls I've taught them that they shouldn't give in to pressure to have sex (a lot of my teenager's friends have had sex because of pressure, not because they really wanted to) and that they should tell boys up front that they will not even consider having sex unless they've dated a long time, i.e. several months minimum. I've also taught them that if they decide to have sex they should tell me so I can make sure they're on birth control as well as have condoms. They will also have a chat with my gynecologist who does an incredible job of talking with teenagers about premarital sex from her perspective as a physician.
I couldn't help but shudder over the poster who commented about Bristol having a "choice" about the pregnancy. Having had 2 miscarriages in the past and thinking frequently of the babies I had that died makes me an even stronger believer that abortion is wrong. Both of my babies died after they had developed heart beats that were seen on ultrasounds done at 5-6 weeks gestation and there's no way you'll ever convince me that they were anything but living human beings up until the time they died. How anyone can try to say a living being with a heartbeat is a "problem" that people should have a "choice" about whether or not to proceed with a pregnancy amazes me.
I had a few thoughts on this.
Teens for Truth
Mountain Movers
Club 3:16
iServe or iPray
Lifesavers and you could use pics of the candy in news bulletins, etc.
Anointed Youth
Firm Believers
Truth Seekers
SALT (service and leadership team)
Impact
Cross Trainers
TAC (together as Christians)
TGIF (Teens growing in faith)
TNT (teens need truth)
T.R.U.T.H. (teens reaching up to Heaven)
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