My take on this
Posted By: Mother of a Cancer Victim Who Didn't Live on 2009-05-22
In Reply to: would you turn this other mom/son in? - Spinoff
The boy is 13, not 3, and his supposed *chances* of survival with chemo are 90-95%, not 70% at outset of diagnosis, so it's not really a fair comparison but here goes.
When Joel was diagnosed, I swear every healthnut in my tri-state region came out of the woodwork to promise me the moon if I would only try this, that, or the other thing.
I personally have ALWAYS been skeptical of treatments that have not been scientifically and rigorously tested in double-blind placebo-controlled studies, so I pretty much resisted every nonconventional treatment out there. I wouldn't have been the mom disappearing to Mexico for alternative treatments without some MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR proof that the alternative treatment worked better than FDA-approved conventional chemo.
My husband on the other hand....
So we ended up doing traditional chemo and tossing in a few alternative things - shark cartilage, anti-parasitic stuff, but nothing that was contraindicated in conjunction with chemo, and we never missed or skipped a single appointment with him. Our lives were completely turned upside down for 13 months, and that is how it should be, and that is how it is for the parents of the 13-year-old with Hodgkin's, I promise you.
Joel was a trooper, but the cancer he had was too much - the 70% survival chance turned into 20% 6 months after diagnosis. The 20% turned into a tandem autologous stem cell transplant. He went through 10 rounds of chemo, 6 weeks of radiation, and the first part of the tandem autologous stem cell transplant before the 20% turned into an imminently terminal metastasis to his heart. The whole process took 13 months. He died at the age of 4. And I'm crying as I type this 13 years later.
Not in a million years would I turn that mom in. Absolutely NOBODY who has not been through this has the right to FORCE somebody to go through treatment.
But I personally would do exactly what we did all over again. With one exception. I would have taken him St. Jude's in Tennessee after the first relapse instead of not being able to make it down there after the last relapse.
Regrets are something that are inevitable, but the time we had with Joel was irreplaceable. Nobody should be trying to take that mom away from her son, and nobody besides that mom and dad has the right to tell them what to do once it has been established that they are responsible thinking parents. Once the parents have been obviously determined to be caring and loving toward the child, everybody else needs to back off and realize that the parents are the ones who are going to have to live with their choices the rest of their lives, nobody else.
As an aside...
My sister-in-law's brother had Hodgkin's, but he was diagnosed in his 20's. He lived 15 years and he only had one chemo treatment the whole time. He had the one chemo and walked away, saying it was too much for him to handle, that he'd rather let nature take its course. And he lived 15 years afterward anyway before Hodgkin's did eventually kill him. Everybody thought he was nuts, but it was his choice.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
|
