My stepmother and father (a total man's man)
Posted By: trose on 2007-02-27
In Reply to: Why does it make a man feminized if he enjoys things - Wannie
just had their bathroom remodeled and had a big sunken tub put in just so he could take baths. He is 64 and in very good health, but finally realized how good a tub soak feels. My step-mom tends to light candles for him and add bubbles and he loves everybit of it. BTW, she often joins him as well. they also have weekly at home massages by a masseuse. Men need to slow down a little sometimes and enjoy the gentler things in life.
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Wicked stepmother??
You just did this "girl" a huge favor by making her take responsibility for herself. I am not much older than she is, but I have been taking responsibility for decades...what is wrong with her, other than she seems totally incapable of managing her own life, can't make a decent adult choice to save her fanny and she has someone to constantly bale her out?
I am GLAD you cut her off! I am proud of you for doing it too, it took guts. By helping her at every turn you simply encourage and enable her behavior.
BRAVO!
I guess I lucked out in the stepmother department
Because I honestly love her as much as my biological mother. I was 8 when my dad remarried, and to be honest, my sister and I were pretty much brats. It wasn't instant family love, but she and my dad worked together to make sure that none of us were treated any differently just because of who had which parent. She did look at it as an adoptive type situation and even gave me a cross stitch poem about how I didn't grow under her heart but in it. It has been 27 years since they married, I never call her my "step"mom except when I'm trying to clarify things for people, and I always tell people that I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, not steps, halfs, full, whatever, because that is how we were taught. I know not every situation turns out like this, probably only a minority, but it does happen. I'm sorry if I offended anyone because that was not my intent.
Total shock
That's all I have to say. 
I am in total agreement with you.
I have been working today and just thinking about not ever having to do any business with anyone who talks like the ones I have done today. I laughed the other day when 1 on here asked when did she go from Transcriptionist to interpreter. You may not know this, but years ago we got a difficulty factor, just for dictators like we have to do day after day now, unbelievable, isn't it? None of those dictators could even approach what we hear now. It is irritating. Some days I have taken off a little early when I know I am having 1 after the other, can make up that time another day- just too irritating and getting on my nerves to continue.
I am a total believer and do believe that
kids see things before they are old enough to think they are not supposed to. I still will smell my dad's aftershave every so often. I just think of it as he is coming around to see how I am doing. (My BF thinks I am crazy by the way.)
total witch
you are a stalker and i am reporting you
Thanks. I am total IC and work for one company..sm
and I have worked for them for 3 years. I do have a FED ID #, as my employer requested that I have one when I first started. Hence, I also have a business name, but I file under my SS# and my personal name, not my business. I thought maybe that would make a difference. I still have the letter, as I keep all of that stuff *just in case.* I know that being an IC, we are *suppose* to file quarterly and I did read somewhere that there may be fines involved if you don't, so I did not think too much about it when it happened. I file in April and everything is in their officed prior to the 15th, so that could not be a reason why the fine, either. Needless to say, I am confused. Maybe I will seek out an accountant this year and leave all that stuff in their hands. It is getting to be a drag and too time consuming for me anyway. just trying to save a buck, even though I know it is deductible. thanks for answering me. I appreciate it.
This Southern Gal is in total agreement with you! Nothing else need be said.
d
This will be total and much needed catharsis....
I am almost 54 years old and the permeating thought in my brain is that I am "a monstrosity," something my mother called my sister and I because we were tall. My father is still alive at 86 and says about some "pretty little thing." THAT drives me INSANE because I am not. He asks when I am going to play piano for him, and I laugh, but I think, "Never, because you have always criticized me." Still does. God help us all. That's the thing that has totally messed up my brain. I am a "monstrosity" and will never be a "pretty little thing." There. Now I have said it on the internet.
But, FYI, I am not a tall humongous woman, I am just tall and not a "pretty little thing." There, I typed it and that's almost like saying it out loud.
This thread ROX!
My husbsand is a total embarrasement
He thinks boxer shorts are shorts to wear at home when company comes over.
I bought him a nice denim lined shirt/jacket that he took to our seamstress and had 2" round buttons to replace the "normal" looking buttons. I swear, all he needs now is a Tonka Truck to complete the look of a properly dressed 2 year old.
HELP!!!! I think things need to start vanishing when I do laundry!
Those total sons of you-know-whats.
My situation was not QUITE the same.... It turned out I was the other woman; the guy I was dating and thought I was exclusive with turned out to have a fiance he didn't bother to tell me about. Looking back, there were a few hinky things I should have noticed, but they weren't the usual things, so I was thrown off my guard.
I do have a very good male friend whom I call my adopted big brother. (He's married, has been for decades, and his wife is aware that we are friends/business associates.) I asked him flat-out why men cheat, and he said (a) because they can, and (b) the thrill of the chase, or some bullhockey like that, that we testosterone-deficient females can't seem to understand, I guess. He also bluntly told me that I probably was not the only one, i.e. the only "other woman." I would not be surprised if that were true, but I never actually found out, since the SOB (and I do NOT mean 'short of breath') married the fiance and left town.
My best friend put it rather succinctly, when we were discussing another topic:
Men don't change, and women just learn to be abused gracefully. (Because this too is a form of abuse.)
Aw heck, I'm a total hick and even I know to call...
on an RSVP to let them know that they can count me in or out. It just seems like one of those common courtesy things...at least call whoever to let them know you got the invite for sure and it wasn't lost in the mail. 
Smaller total amount of more feedings?
Have you tried feeding him more than 2-3 times a day and just putting a smaller overall amount in the dish? He might think he's actually getting more.
I am white but my hair is a total 'fro!
Always has been and I can relate to your distress! I would use any conditioner but only lightly rinse it out after shampoo. I also use a wet my hair with a spray bottle of water and use a little bit of conditioner straight on my hair before combing it out...and I always use a pick--just like you would if you got a perm or had an afro. Seriously! The bigger and wider the teeth, the easier it is. Or, if you absolutely hate the idea of a pick, use a vent brush. The trick is to not comb through or brush out dry curly hair because it will only frizz and boof, know what I'm sayin? If a hairdryer is necessary, like for wintertime, get a diffuser so no direct blast of air hits the hair because it will frizz out.
During my school years, a braid or ponytail was my best friend. I wish I could do it now but all I can manage are Pippi-Longstocking braids and they look kinda gay on a 35-year-old chick.
you need to buy the brush to put it on, total price for the first time is $28
you can apply it in two different ways, one way in which you let your moisturizer dry and the put it on and another is use a bit of moisturizer to get that "dewy" look. Also you should always start off with less (at least with our brand) because it is layerable for a fuller-coverage. Also there are 6 different shades to choose from so you should be able to find a perfect match.
I saw it. A total hoot. My teenagers loved it
and so did I. 
I was a total cougar til my prey caught ME, lol!
My boyfriend is YEARS younger than I am. Started as a one nighter that turned into a 4-day sleepover...I thought he was totally hot but also totally dumb as a pet rock.
Fast forward 2 years...He's sitting on my couch watching the news, and we've been living together 1-1/2 years. He's still totally hot, but not at all dumb as I had initially suspected and, in fact, handles our finances, etc.
Yeah...being a cougar totally rocked, but it turned out even sweeter than I expected when my prey caught ME!!!
Takes a total of about 10 seconds to click
on every site. I sincerely hope anyone that visits this site would want to help all of them.
Dave Ramsy, The Total Money Makeover....
His message, "Live like no on else so later on you can live like no one else." Budget is not a bad word and saying no to the kids is not wrong and does not make you a bad parent.
I am in total agreement. 13 years old and wanting to date - no way!!..
One of the problems is, as a previous poster write, is DRAMA. Some girls live for the DRAMA (i come from a family of six girls). These kids (but not all) want to and in some ways are forced to grow up too danged fast and it can lead to life-long problems if they do not have a strong mom/dad or just an extended strong family support system. The media has played and contuinues to play a role in the evolution of our teenagers as well (MTV, etc). That is why it is important to keep these kids busy and involved in activities because it is helpful,. JMO..
The Illusionist - total chick flick! Great movie!
nm
Ooooooo! That's an awesome theory! I'm a total Lost freak too. SM
I can't believe I missed this thread!
Make your own income, hire a plumber. Total unnecessary. Men are useless in the family plan.
x
I think she said the father did not want her around
so really she should take that same stance. I think you just cannot sometimes may an enabler understand what they are doing wrong. My deceased husband, I talked to him about his enabling with his daughter and he told me he would do until his last breath and he did. She was a total invalid after that, did not have a clue (at 30 something) how to make her way. Oh well, glad I wasn’t the mother.
You ask about my son's father?
The father came around after the son grown and now lives with him. No money ever from him while my son growing up, not a penny, nothing. I have nothing against the father, just always thought he basically did good to take care of himself but not a father figure at all for the son. He was able to work, chose to live on the streets and finally got too old to be out there and my son and his family took him into their home. I was there but people have to understand what money does to people, especially if a lot of money, thousands and thousands. My son was upset about my inheritance and that is what happened. It is sad but not my fault he would choose the love of money over his mother. Wish him well.
your father
This is a touchy subject. Yes, it sounds a little like he may be trying to "take the easy way out" but really, what he is doing is self degradating and really desperate. I believe he needs help. Of course, he is not going to see it or admit it himself. That's WHY he needs help. He has threatened to take his life and spoken of wanting to die. I think you should call 911 or see if your town has a crisis team and tell them that he has said he is going to kill himself. Have him taken by ambulance or let the crisis intervention team figure out the transportation. Once he is at the hospital professionals will evaluate him and decide whether or not he needs to be committed against his will or long term treatment. They will give him counseling and even point him in the direction of how to start managing life again. The worse that could happen is that they say hes fine and send him home (which they will not do without at least providing him with information for outpatient treatment and other local agencies that can help him).
However, how will you feel if, God forbid, he does hurt or kill himself while you thought he wass just bluffing?
And even if it doesnt go that far...he will continue to harass you and your mom.
He needs help of some kind and as his daughter I think you should find a way to help him.
How do you know her father was
there for her? You are assuming that. As far as writing him off, it might be the best thing for her. Toxic people are very dangerous. Obviously you had a story book childhood and until you go through something like that, it is impossible to understand. Because it is a parent, it does not mean you have to put up with emotional and mental abuse.
Father in law
My father in law is an ok guy. One problem. He likes to come to our house and watch TV. On Saturdays and Sundays, I am off work, and I like to relax on the couch in Pjs and watch my TV. My husband drives an 18-wheeler, and a lot of times when he comes in if it is on weekends his dad will come over that morning and sit here ALL day long. My husband said last time you know I love dad to death and like for him to come visit but after a couple hours it is time to leave. Well now my husband isn't at home and he comes over to visit my son who is 11, and tells my son lets watch a movie or something. Well this is my weekend to relax and lay on the couch and watch TV. I feel like I can't relax in my own home. He doesn't have satellite at his house so he wants to sit here and watch. I am so fustrated. He needs to go home. I think he uses the excuse when my husband is gone to come see my son so he can sit here and watch movies. I would like to watch my own TV. URRRGHH! Any advice?
My father in law tried that with his indoor cat
and once they got outside the cat totally flipped out like a crazed wild animal. It was a very scary experience from what he described. So just be careful.
I do not live in 1 but my father had 1 and
when you pull the carpet up as I did when I got the trailer it only had cheap plywood underneath it. Having said this I was going to rent it out as eventually wanted to sell for the land it was on (6+ lake front acreage) so we put down linoleum (spelling?). A trailer is mostly made from the very cheapest you can get, thus the cheaper prices most of the time than homes. We took inexpensive commercial carpet for some of the bedroom floors and hubby put that down. These are about the cheapest you can do, don’t think your idea of a faux finish will work with the plywood but then you can always check on that. By the way, do you have to tar the roof of yours? Most trailers require this- did not know until after I had in possession- the only difference is a regular roof was put on this 1 - most are flat on the top and require tarring.
Actually he is a wonderful father...
who takes time out of his sleep schedule to be with them, eat dinner with us, go to kids' sporting events and the usual things people do without missing a beat because everything works out for their schedule. People who sleep during the night have no clue how hard it is to sleep during the day when it is light out, loud noises outside like lawnmowers, snowblowers, leafblowers, construction and more than you could realize. Nobody schedules meetings at 1:00 am so you have to get up after a few hours. Going to church on Sunday with your family and having family day requires less sleep because he works Sat. and Sun. night.
I feel sorry for you that you can't have an open mind enough to see that not everybody has the same life, same feelings, same jobs. If I can make him more comfortable including having a dark bedroom then I will and I asked for help in achieving this goal, not to have someone who doesn't know him or our family come on here and insult us. Not once did I say this was something he told me to do or makes me do..I am doing it because I love him. If he gets home in time in the mornings he gets the kids ready for school. Marriage is about give and take.
Your father was a 1 in a million.
A lot of men would have left being walked on and demoralized but your dad didn't want to leave you to suffer it alone. Usually, even when a mother isn't fit to raise a goldfish, mothers still get custody of the kids, and that's sad. There are a lot of great dads out there and they really need to be given the praise they deserve. What a great dad you had. I can see why you cherish him so much.
From what I can gather, he has only seen his father twice ....sm
in his entire 11 years. I think his great-grandmother raised him and also raised his mother (which would be her grandmother). Well, I think this lady just recently died and the child came to live with the mother and mother's boyfriend. The mother's 5-year-old lives with his father and I have noticed that the mother has him every other weekend. All of the kids except for 1 are from single-parent homes, including my own. I have been divorced for 5 years. I do not think that should be an excuse though. I am a very involved, hands-on, in tune, on top of things mother and I work my butt off to have what we have. My daughter sees her dad every other weekend sporadically. Yes, it does put a lot of responsibility, worry, etc., on the custodial parent but that is our job, not the neighborhood's job. There is another single mother who lives here and her husband is in jail. Her 2 sons are very well behaved. Then there is this mother and the single mother of the 2 girls who just suck at parenting. You rarely ever see them and they both take "nerve pills" and "sleeping pills." I've just never been that type of person and I have hard time understanding how you can bring children into the world and not take care of them. I don't expect the rest of the neighborhood to raise my daughter. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Father-Daughter
I don't know that one. Now I'm curious and have to look it up and hear it!
Can you talk to your son's father about this?
Can you discuss this amicably if you are on good terms, perhaps approaching it from the angle of what's best for your son.
father/daughter
My take on this whole situation is they are playing us. They probably both knew they were going to be in the house, so I would not take it too seriously.
Child should have father's last name SM
and should see father, unless he was abusive. No matter what a woman may think of the guy, it will be disservice to child to not let him/her see father.
A divorced woman can keep name or change back to maiden. Doesn't matter. I kept my married name, since I had it for 30 years.
My father was also child #5 and
12 years younger than the #4. He was always told he was not an accident but a suprise. I watched Jesus Camp and don't agree with that way of "religon" at all.
You did not mention if a father of your son
is around or involved in any way. I think your first attention should be towards your son, not the BIL because apparently your child is doing some acting out and it tends to escalate. When parents of young children oohing and aahing about them, I think about how it turns like your story now a lot of times. I had somewhat similar bad behavior (although never went against my telling no), some drugs involved. I just told my son would send to my daddys home- would have been worse than prison for him and I knew that- ole timer- early to bed and early to rise, take no junk type person. My son turned around because I always told both my children I did not have time for crap- I had to work and make a living for them and I would never put up with backtalking, walking away and doing what they thought they could so, swearing, hitting or the like.
My father-in-law after many years
was able to figure out his trigger and it is citric acid. He has to read every label because it is a common ingredient.
I'm confused. Who is the father?
x
I was my father's TV "remote"
I was very young and never questioned what my parents said to me and one day I asked my dad why he couldn't get up and change the station on the TV, to which he replied, "Because I have a bone in my leg." Seemed like a logical reason to not have to get up and change the television; until one day it occurred to me that WE ALL HAVE BONES IN OUR LEGS!!!!! I have told my kids about this and they just cannot believe how incredibly DUMB I was. I agree. They still tease me about it and, as unhelpful as that phrase is, we still toss it around in our home. LOL.
We do believe, thanks to Grandma, that every time you get the hiccups, it means you are growing. My kids have asked me on the few occasions when I have had the hiccups, what that means for me and I just tell them when you get older, you don't grow UP, you grow OUT. LOL.
She has a step-father who can be
somewhat of a tyrant. I hope he is not the cause. 
So, so sad. Especially Father's Day weekend.
He will be so terribly missed, especially during the election coverage. I will remember him with the white board and writing all over it. I always enjoyed watching him. He sure knew his stuff. Way too young.
It was the father-in-law and mother-in-law..
of the men's volleyball coach and the father-in-law died...
"No one comes to the Father but by Me"
is what Christ said. Most Christians (again, the ones who believe the words of Jesus) believe that religions besides Christianity are false religions.
My father quit at 65...........sm
after practically a lifetime of heavy smoking. He started when he was just a boy, which was common back in the 1920s. He quit at 65 and lived for 20 years before being diagnosed with lung cancer. Of course, we have no way of knowing how long he had it because he never really had any symptoms until about 6 months prior to his death. His cancer was found on a chest x-ray for pneumonia. It was inoperable as it was behind the heart and could barely be seen over the top of the heart when he had the x-ray.
I thought his death would make me stop smoking, but it hasn't. I have smoked for about 25 years now and I know I should stop but I haven't found the will power yet.
my father thought his MIL was
On the night I was born, my dad and his MIL sat in the same room together all evening while my mother was asleep in the next room. My dad said she stared at him all night long over her magazine to watch him squirm. By the way he was 20 at the time and she was 38.
To this day they have the same squirmy relationship.
It doesn't mean anything.
My father died when I was 21.
He was sick most of his life ... or at least during most of my life. He was a very sweet, gentle man, but he was always in pain and ill. As it happens, my family was just devastated in 1983. A dear uncle died of lung cancer that April. In May, my paternal grandmother with whom we lived died, my father died in July, and then another aunt who lived next door to us died that winter.
I have to say that as bad as that all was, the one thing that I was able to take forward with me was how to deal with death. After that point, as young as I was, I knew exactly what it felt like to lose someone, then to have to continue on and make funeral arrangements, stand in receiving lines, etc., etc. There's sort of a ritual to it all that is actually comforting. At least to me it was comforting. So from that point on, I had real empathy for others going through similar losses.
I think you've hit on why you feel that you are falling short in comforting your daughter. You said you haven't experienced this sort of thing in your life. One day, you will, unfortunately. It's part of life. But until then, it might help to talk to your friends or relatives who've been through it. You can gain insight from their experience.
I can tell you that there is really nothing to be done about the feelings. A person really does just have to experience them before going on. Your daughter sounds as if she is very in tune with her friends, who are going through such a horrible time right now and certainly have a long way to go yet. No doubt, your daughter is frightened about the thought that this could happen to her, as well. And she also would like to help her friends. I, too, tend to withdraw under stress. If your daughter is that sort of personality, then it might be difficult to talk to her. Just let her know that you are sorry and will talk to her when she is ready. But if you can talk to her, I would suggest you simply acknowledge that these sorts of things are extremely difficult to bear, seeming impossible. But that just being available to her friends will be a huge help. She can simply send a card, note, email, even a text message to say "I'm thinking of you." You can set the example by sending a card to the your daughter's friends and their families.
That sounds so simple, but it's actually huge, because when you go through times like this, so often you feel alone. Knowing that others are thinking of you can be so comforting. I can remember when my father died, I felt like I was walking in a bubble, separated from everyone but still there with them. I'd walk down a busy street, people moving past me, talking, doing their normal things, and all the while my whole life had changed. Yet, I know I looked completely normal. It was a strange feeling, one I've had more than few times in my life. I felt as if I had a gaping wound in my chest, yet as I walked down the street no one would notice it. It makes you feel very separated and alone.
So if you can offer any advice to your daughter, let HER know that she's not alone, and tell her that her friends need to know that, too.
Your father might have a girlfriend but
he is a lonely man and probably missing your mother and his family. Annoyed? That would all have to do with how much I loved my father, I guess.
If I could have my father back--
I would feed him every night from now until forever, if that was what he wanted. Loneliness knows no boundaries. I MISS my dad.
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