My sons have been in Scouts for some time now...sm
Posted By: Scouter MT on 2008-07-03
In Reply to: In your opinion, is there a benefit to forcing children to - stay in Boy Scouts if they hate it? sm
My youngest (11 years old) was in Cub Scouts for about 3 years and crossed over into a newly chartered troop. My oldest son (17 years old) joined the troop also, mostly out of necessity (we needed his warm body in order to have enough boys to charter). My youngest loves it and my oldest is kind of lukewarm about it. I have also been a leader at the pack, troop, district and council level for over 4 years now. We are basically a scouting family and love it.
With that said, however, I will say that scouting is not for everyone, and everyone does not get out of scouting what is there for them to learn simply because everyone is not interested in learning those things or because of poor leadership within the scouting unit. In your case, it sounds to me as if the latter may be true.
You didn't say how old your son is or how long he has been in scouting, but it sounds to me like he has a very poor leader if he makes them camp this way. Some overly self-glorified scout leaders try to turn scouting into junior Army training which is not what it is meant to be. If there is another pack or troop in the area, you might consider changing and see if that improves his scouting experience by a new leader and better camping conditions. When we camp, each boy has his own tent (can be bought at Walmart for about $15) and we always have a campfire in a designated fire ring that burns pretty much all night. Each boy is safely enclosed in his own tent that zips up which greatly reduces the chances of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Of course the boys have to be trained to keep their tent flaps zipped closed at all times so that nothing gets in.
My advice from a scouter's viewpoint is to talk to your son and then you and your son and husband talk to the scout leader and see what can be done to improve the scouting experience for your son as well as the other boys in the unit. If the leader does not want to chanage his ways to more closely follow the scouting ideals, then find another troop or pack to join. Sounds like there is a LOT of room for improvement here.
Here is a link that may help, too. http://netcommish.com/askandy.asp
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My son was also in scouts . . .
and we were completely exhausted trying to keep up with all of the meetings, the den meetings, the outings, etc., etc. He actually did not even learn that much from it. My daughter learned a lot more from the laid back atmosphere of girl scouts than my son did. It was too rigorous and too structured. I think boys join scouting because they think it will be fun, when in all actuality, it is a lot of work . . . don't make him do it I think you will regret it.
My brothers were in Cub Scouts
and did pinewood derbys. My Dad helped and so did I actually. I think it is supposed to be a family event, but I'm not sure if it is for church that the same rule would apply. It does give some cars the upper hand when family members help, but it was actually encouraged in Cub Scouts.
and yes, they are first year Boy Scouts/campers (sm)
There is no Webelo-First Year Scout transition program or person that I am aware of.
I've been in scouts for 11 years and am a cubmaster now.
The Pinewood Derby is supposed to be a help-your-son event, but you are right to rant about some adults being overly involved. I've seen very, very sad little boys whose fathers don't let them help in building at all.
Some of the things that we've done in our pack to help prevent this are:
1. Hold a Pinewood Derby building clinic(s). We get some veteran derby builders (usually dads) to come out with tools to help the boys design and build cars on a Saturday a couple of weeks before the race. Most of the work is done then, and we have stations where the boys and their adults learn about design, then how to make the axles and wheels perform better, etc. etc. By the time the clinic is over, the boys usually only have to finish painting and install their wheels.
2. We hold an adult race where there are no rules. This sometimes ends up to be quite a hilarious race.
3. Awards should be given in lots of different categories that have nothing to do with how well a car performs on the track.
If you think that these ideas would be helpful to your pack, why not join the Pinewood Derby Committee for next year to help plan and have more of a say. Usually packs are dying for volunteers to help out.
My sons are 18 and 20.
One lives at college and the other is living at home while attending college. When they were both at home and under 18 I had the same rules as you, basically. During the week, except for their activity obligations of school, sports, scouts, they didn't do any "hang out" time. It did help that their high school was in the next county, and most of their school friends lived some distance away. When girlfriends came along, life was a little different. My oldest dated a girl who lived down the street. My youngest dated a girl who lived a good 30-minute drive away. Lucky for me, their parents had the same rules for hanging out. It was pretty much weekends only. My boys accepted it all in stride. But I have to say that I've been pretty strict about their attitude all of their lives. Since they first began to speak, they learned not to give attitude to their parents. In return, we always treated them with respect. The few times that they did raise their voices as teenagers, our conversation came to an end, and their requests were denied with no chance for a reversal of that decision. Worked nicely. But, again, I have to say we were very lucky in that most of their friends weren't right in our neighborhood and their girlfriends had the same rules.
The payoff is that now as responsible young adults, they've developed a good work ethic. Even my son living at college does well managing his free time, and will be an RA in his dorm next year, partly because he's shown maturity and isn't goofing off at college. (And I'm glad not to have to pay all of the room and board! Hooray!)
Sons
Boy this is sounding real familiar. I have a son who is a lot like yours. He is 16, very smart, but no motivation or willingness to work for good grades. I have wondered if part of his problem was that school came too easy for him in the early grades. He never had to study for spelling tests, etc. Now that he is in high school, he doesn't have the habit of studying. It is almost as though he doesn't even think about it. When I remind him that he has a test, he will study for a few minutes and get an A or B. If he really works at it, he can Ace the test. He doesn't really think grades are all that important. (I was used to my daughter's straight As and am trying to refrain from comparing the two kids.) I'm looking for ways to motivate him, and so far a lot of positive reinforcement is starting to help. Maybe visiting with the school counselor would help. My son is also looking for a job--I think he has too much time on his hands! The more time they have, the less they get done. Good luck.
Sons in Military - Thank You
Thanks, next time I hear from either one of my children, I'll ask them about this. I wonder why the military just doesn't supply them with it ????? Thanks so much.
Both of my sons are in college now.
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school.
My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasn't quite so much pressure on kids and parents when it came to college searches. We both chose Temple because it offered degree programs that we wanted and that we could afford. The campus wasn't pretty and it was a commuter school then, which meant that the "college experience" for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations.
Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didn't look at it as a means to move away from home or be on their own. (No college student is really on their own when living in a dorm, anyway.) They needed to determine what area they were interested in studying and then choose a school that offered a good program and that we could afford. The affordability factor was a big one for us. No one wants to have huge loans at the end of this "experience".
Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior.
Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though he's not sure what kind of an engineer. He is leaning towards civil engineering. He decided to live at home to save money. That narrowed his decision down to just two schools, Drexel and Temple, both a short train ride from our home. He applied to only those two schools, was accepted at both, and received decent scholarship offers from both. In the end, Temple was far more affordable, and so now our youngest walks the campus of our alma mater. Our friends and neighbors were shocked that our oldest applied to just one school, and our youngest applied to just two. They were amazed that we weren't on constant campus tours or worried about "options" and "fits".
Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming.
And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview.
Don't worry! You'll survive!
We only buy for our two sons, and they are older.
The youngest (18) wants a decent digital camera, so I think about $250 to $300 range plus some stocking stuffers. Oldest son is easily pleased. He's big into hats, and I bought him a leather "Indiana Jones" style hat, and a book so far. We may round out his gifts with cash, since he's a starving college student. Husband and I do not exchange gifts. My birthday is the day after Christmas, and that is just dinner out for the two of us. Our 24th anniversary is in January, and I already know that I want to get him an iPod. His 50th birthday is in April, and I would love to have a party for him. I'm definitely saving up for that, but it will be a relaxed party.
While are Christmas will be fairly simple, looking ahead, I'm trying to budget for some other things.
Trained my sons to help sm
Since I was a working mom, I always told my sons to expect to help around the house. They didn't do it for me that often, but now that they're married, they cook, iron, babysit and go to the market without complaining. I think I did a good job. My husband also helped around the house, so they had a good example of what it takes to make it work when mom has to work. Whether you pay someone to help or ask for help around the house, it doesn't matter. I could not have offered my kids a college education if I did not work and save for it. Some men think it demasculinizes them and that's sad. I also shoveled snow,did what I could to help without gender bias if no one else was home. I did not feel strange doing what I could to help my husband either, as long as I could lift it, I did it. It takes a village. I used to sew, but I was lousy at it and that's why I quit. I never felt like what I did was good enough and wouldn't wear it. Curtains and drapes were okay but now you can buy them cheaper than what the material costs. Just IMHO.
I understand your fear! I have three sons between
17 and 20 years old. Now and then they talk about enlisting, and of course I worry about the draft. For selfish reasons, I want them always to stay close to home, where it seems to be safe. But it's a very high calling to serve one's country, and I would support that decision if my sons decided upon it. If the draft were brought back, I'd be terrified. I do not support this war. I don't think it was the right thing to do. But I do support the people who serve and respect their decisions and am incredibly grateful to them for their sacrifices. I will also continue to support them by doing whatever I can, small though it may be, to help bring them home AND keep peace for us all. I wish it were a simple thing.
As for our children, the fact is, once they are 18, they can make the decision to join without our consent. Talk to each other, love her and appreciate her. If she decides to serve her country, you do not want to part in anger, and trust me, you will want to support her in any way you can.
Prayers for your sons and all our soldiers! nm
!
LOL! Love it! Thanks. I'll be using this on my 3 sons! nm
///
Those total sons of you-know-whats.
My situation was not QUITE the same.... It turned out I was the other woman; the guy I was dating and thought I was exclusive with turned out to have a fiance he didn't bother to tell me about. Looking back, there were a few hinky things I should have noticed, but they weren't the usual things, so I was thrown off my guard.
I do have a very good male friend whom I call my adopted big brother. (He's married, has been for decades, and his wife is aware that we are friends/business associates.) I asked him flat-out why men cheat, and he said (a) because they can, and (b) the thrill of the chase, or some bullhockey like that, that we testosterone-deficient females can't seem to understand, I guess. He also bluntly told me that I probably was not the only one, i.e. the only "other woman." I would not be surprised if that were true, but I never actually found out, since the SOB (and I do NOT mean 'short of breath') married the fiance and left town.
My best friend put it rather succinctly, when we were discussing another topic:
Men don't change, and women just learn to be abused gracefully. (Because this too is a form of abuse.)
My sons both learned that lesson the hard way
One had 1200 text messages in a month (I pay for 300) and the other did the same download thing. I wish there was some way you could block their phones after a certain amount of $$. Needless to say, both had a nice chunk of money to pay mom back.
Mary, I offer my prayers for the safety of your sons. SM
I thought brothers could not be in battle zones at the same time. Did they choose to?
Deeni, I respect your opinion, but I held both my sons during circumcision......sm
my dirtly little secret, I used to be an LPN and CMA, used to surgical technology. It takes seconds, and while I had silent tears and I worried and fretted, but they were fine, and Nola is not misinformed here, being in clinical practice for years, and working for general surgeons, I saw many men, some in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who had infection after infection because they could not retract the foreskin the right way, phimosis is painful and can become precancerous, and yes, we had some gentlemen with penile cancer. As I said, I was able to snuggle and nurse my baby boys both times right after circumcision, no problems. Men's anatomy is so different (!!!!) from female's (duh), so you cannot compare the unsterile, crude labial circimcisions done in third world countries with what is done in hospital for our baby boys. Anatomy just dictates this. I was so glad when my daughter was born, it was not even anything to worry about!
No! That sounds too desperate. TIME. Just give it TIME. If it is real, then sm
something will definitely evolve. If you like him, flirt back! Don't act desperate because if he DOES like you, then the suspense will just make him want to get to know you more. Trust me on this.
I worked in the medical records department of a hospital when I was single and dated a few co-workers in my early 30s. It was fun. Nothing serious came about any of the relationships.
This sounds like fun - the beginning of maybe something to come....Keep us informed.
Totally agree, get these from time to time since teens...sm
It's a neuro condition, it does not mean there is anything at all wrong with you, it is actually related to narcolepsy, hypnagogic (sp? I just got up!) hallucinations, etc. And I HATE when I get these, it is always freaky, my siblings get this too, at times. I can "go away" for years and years before you get another episodes, so don't worry! I heard that when you are under a lot of stress or are very busy with things that this happens more??? Take care!!
It's time to stop when you or the kid(s) feel it is time, and no sooner. sm
My grandmother (who passed away at the young age of 107 back in the mid 1990s) was STILL celebrating every little holiday for all of her many kids and grandkids, and she would STILL give me a chocolate bunny every Easter, as she had since I was a toddler and even though I was 40ish at the time (and I still delighted in biting its head off in front of her, as I had also done since I was a toddler, which always met with mock disapproval from her).
Don't let anyone dampen your joy in celebrating your traditions.
The very 1st time he talked about killing you, was the time
The guy sounds like a psycho.
Rachael Ray has a segment from time to time
on using the bottom of the bottle receipes (i.e. bar-be-q sauce, peanut butter, maple syrup) and I have used many of her ideas and been amazed at how far you can stretch a dollar that way. Go to her website, it will give you many ideas.
Oh Amy, surely there was a man who "kept" you from time to time..
or you were at least married and had access to money!
It was a great time - I just hate the time we are in now
I liked your post. Thanks for replying It's nice to know other people were raised like me. We seem to appreciate the things we have. Oh I should've also said we didn't have A/C growing up. My parents idea of A/C was having my sister and I wave a piece of cardboard in front of them. HA HA HA.
I just couldn't stand the 90s and 2000s are even worse. I hate all the politics going on today, the world events, the bleak future. The degenerates running around, listening to kids talk back to their parents, girls gone wild, etc, etc. I'm grateful my grandparents and mom are not alive anymore to have to go through this with us.
I love watching old movies and the music of the 40s/50s. If I was alive back then I would've been doing the jitterbug and all those other fun dances. Life seemed simpler and cleaner (even though I've got a mouth like a sailer - guess I got that from my Army days).
I wouldn't mind the turn of the century either. I love the clothing and the simple life. Those are the times when the husband took care of the wife. If I could be transported back to the 1800s I surely would in a second.
Time out and then spanking if time out
If we are out in public however, we do not go home. Spanking right there and then and the kids learn REAL QUICK mom means business. I do not mess around and I have a 17-year-old now that has enlisted in the military and THANKS me for his tough upgrowing. It helped him through basic training.
Well, I have questioned myself from time to time.
I figured this was typical. DD has lots of friends but two real close friends. I guess this is all part of building social skills. I am glad I did okay then.
Same thing happens to me from time to time - sm
if I roll over too quickly. I have positional vertigo. There is not too much you can do about it except try not to move or get up too quickly from a supine position. I have never had an earache in my life either so that has nothing to do with it. I don't ever feel sick from it though, just more of a nuisance for me every now and then. If it keeps happening obviously get checked out, you may have a more severe case, though again there really not much you can do about it, all it is is some particles in your ear breaking loose and that causes the dizziness, etc.
If I had not asked time and time again
for the daughter to ask me are you upset- are you angry- are you in a bad mood- People can think what they want- She is a very intelligent person and my asking to please should be enough. Gest of the posting. Selfish, OMG, that is really a laugh. I have and do take care of others well before my needs- I have given of myself, my time, my finances, the whole thing until, now this will sound selfish- it is my time now. I take care of me now- this is selfish but this is the truth. I raised my family, did all I could (still do for the daughter if she needs assistance which she never asks for but I offer)and now in golden years, me time.
Yes. Next time put a time limit on it., but is there any way you
nm
I keep it in the office part time and on the patio part time
I've got the self-cleaning electric litter box (and boy is it worth the $100), and have a huge throw rug under it with a smaller rug by the litter pan that has a bumpy mat on top of it to catch the excess. I keep it in the office from April to October but on the patio from October to March as it is too hot in FL to leave the patio door open for them during the summer months. I also put out a spare box when we go out of town for the weekend.
Try a box that has deeper sides maybe, or not as much litter in it?
time time time
when I divorced my husband, I felt the same way. some mornings I would wake up crying and missing him, but I really knew that if I was still with him, things would have been the same. chin up, chest out!!! and forward march. it's just hard. you should read the Sweet Potato Queens books. reading them in order is best, but the newest one is the Sweet Potato Queens Wedding Planner/Divorce Guide. I say read them in order because she refers back to things in the other books that you will be in the dark about, but your situation sounds critical so maybe just jump right into the Divorce Guide. go to sweetpotatoqueens.com. I have read them all over and over and they are fabulous!!!! need some humor at this time in your life. good luck to you!!
First time I saw it
I really like Jen. Didn't care too much for Sadie.
I think maybe for the first time or maybe just the first time
in a long time - your well is a little more dry - it needs replenishing.... you give and you give and you give and even the most charitable of people need to get something back... I think you just had a dry year and I hope this year people give back to you - if so little as a smile, a hug, a bit of encouragement in whatever way - to help to lift your spirit. You will get it back! :))
Yes. Happens all the time.
x
99% of the time - none.
x
My son would get them all the time - sm
get something to soak the foot in, fill it with water as warm as he can stand it and then mix in about 1 cup of Epsom salts, soak the foot until the water cools.
Will have to do it a few times over a few days but the skin starts to pull back.
tell him not to cut his toenails so short! :)
I look at it as the first time since she sm
was, what 14, that she will have to be in rahab. One problem, Michele Rodriguez from the show Lost went to that jail in 2006 to serve 60 days for a DUI and was let go after several hours due to overcrowding. I sure hope she doesn't get out becuase of something silly like that.
Just take it one day at a time.
I had a miscarriage back in 1993 and for years afterwards I would have a private memorial day on the day that I was due. Time really does help your heart heal, as have my living children.
TB and time
I don't agree because it can take years from the time of exposure. This is such a bad form of TB that anyone in contact with him for quite a while back needs to be watched at least and be followed up. That patient did not even realize he was infected and found out by accident from an x-ray. TB is an interesting disease process and we all need to be careful especially since there are so many people here illegally. I am not trying to start anything about that, but they have not even been medically screened if they came here illegally. They are sitting around in all our ERs, the same ones we go to. They sit next to us on public transportation and work in our restaurants. I have recently worked for physicians who treat a lot of foreign patients and you would be surprised at how many diseases they enter this country with. This is a very serious thing and I find what he did to be very wrong. His father-in-law knew too and works at the CDC. The reason he came back was the way he did was to get the best treatment available, which is here in the US, and I believe his father-in-law told him that. If anyone has been exposed to TB they need to be checked by their physician and followed.
No bra here, either, 90% of the time
If I didn't have these danged D-cups, it would be 100% of the time.
And I go Apache at home, which also means about 90% of the time since I started working at home. I don't think I could wear pants or shorts without underwear. Too much chafing of the delicate areas. But I wear housedresses in summer or in winter warm waffly nightgowns while I work so no need for underwear! 
i think its time to think about YOU
and of course the kids. If he loves them as you say, the distance won't stop him. My heart goes out to you. But do what is right for you this time.
How did I know when it was time?
When I started dreading the fact that he was home instead of worrying why he was't home. Being on my own was harder than I thought even though the relationship was long over. It's a mental thing of course. I felt very alone and vulnerable, but I did get over it. I still panic about the things you mention, although I have always been okay, yes even better. Having plenty of positive, understanding support would be most helpful. Hope you make the right decision.
AHA! Thanks! Most of the time I don't - sm
have a need for an online photo-sharing account, since I usually just email to friends, or print out for my mom, who has no PC. But I printed out your info. for the time when I get around to starting an account with flicker or photobucket.
THANKS for the info!
time
I used to love mornings now be a night person. I am up early but when it comes to feeling like typing rather do it at night.
First time!
Hey, it's my first time here.............
Well, any time you go anywhere ....
without your spouse you are in a compromising position then. Anything can happen, anytime, anywhere, people around or not. Geesh girls, lighten up on the morality aspect of it. Are your husbands even allowed to TALK to other women? Little girls worry about such things, women do not.
Well, let's see, what do I do with my time? (sm)
My husband is always gone travelling, I work full time, take almost 100% care of the kids, am a Girl Scout leader, Sunday School teacher, volunteer at the school, and help take are of my aging father. I NEVER have time to watch TV and I spend maybe 15 minutes a day on here posting a day. (pretyt much my only outlet) and I do keep my house relatively clean, cook, laundry, etc. If I want to have someone help me with my house so that I have a little more time, that's my business.
Of course, all the time
I question my DH's decisions all the time, especially when it comes to situations like you described. You have a right to your opinion and a right to state it, without being yelled at and without his anger. Men can be so defensive when questioned on a decision they have made, but hey, they just need to get over it. And I think you did the right thing by doing your questioning out of the presence of the children, as it's not good for them to see Mom second guessing Dad or vice versa, cause they will play on that eventually.
Good luck, I know it's hard living with a hard-headed man, trust me I know!
I think it is probably time but
When I had to go through this it helped me tremendously to have the vet come to my home to do it. If your vet won't look in the yellow pages for one who will. This is less stress on your baby as well as yourself, light candles play soft music and hold her in your arms and tell her you love her and will see her again and that is okay for her to go now, they hear you aand don't want to leave you so telling them it is okay will help their spirit fly. All my sympathy and tears for you right now.
This was the first time I saw all the way thru
and I thought it was tops! Before I thought maybe like other award shows, but this was pure entertainment. Glad I watched and will do again next year hopefully.
how did you have time to run around
wow
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