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My secret to happiness what something my grandma

Posted By: They said what on 2008-12-24
In Reply to: If you truly "love" someone, do you give up your own happiness for them? - Emily Ayn

told me.

My grandparents were opposites. I asked her on their 50th wedding anniversary how they had been able to stay together so long. She told me this:

You can sacrifice things in your life for the person you love and vice versa. But, if the person loves you and is worth loving, they will not require it of you.


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IQ does not equal happiness

I've known other brilliant people who indulged in self-destruction.  There have been studies that suggest the smarter you are the less happy you are, and there may be some truth in it.


The first reason for this would be people with attitudes like yours, abc.  They hold smart people to the highest standards.  They don't allow a genius to be human, but they do have weaknesses.  Imagine spending your whole life hearing "If you're so smart how could you, why haven't you....".  There is enormous pressure put upon them by others to do something great, to perform mental tricks for the amusement of others, to "prove how smart they are".  Some become as insecure about it as beauty queens do about their looks - I remember when I was married to my genius, we watched a show about a child prodigy who could play great compositions at the age of 4.  This show upset my ex, I could see it made him jealous and insecure, and nervous that he was not as great as everyone assumed him to be.  Just like there's always someone richer, thinner, and better looking, there's always someone smarter too.


Another reason would be lonliness.  The smarter you are, the less you have in common with the majority of the population.  The things that interest you most people can't even understand.  I think one purpose Mensa was created was so that they could find people to talk to on their own level.  The pitfall there is most of them are so specialized in their own areas of interest they still don't have anything in common - the gifted musician does not want to discuss quantum theories with the scientist, they can understand it, they just aren't interested in it.


In my ex's case, his substance abuse has three factors - First, he's physically handicapped, and his health has always been a problem.  He self medicates with substances to escape the misery of being in his body.  Second, he's a classic nerd who never had any friends or a social life.  He started abusing substances to try to be one of the cool partying folk, to fit in.  All of his current friends abuse substances, but he at least has some friends now, that's how he sees it.  Third, the pressure to perform has caused him to give up.  He was a computer guru before computers were cool.  Once computers were mainstreamed to the general populace, and new software was coming out on a daily basis, he could no longer know "it all".  When he reached that crossroads, he panicked, gave up and dove into the bottle to hide from his insecurities.


A high IQ is often just as much a curse as a blessing.  I am assuming the reason to abuse substance is pretty universal - the desire to escape reality for a while, then it becomes a habit.  If a person doesn't have the courage to deal with reality and change their life, they may choose to destroy it instead.


Intelligence and happiness....sm
Intelligence should ENABLE you to lead a happy life ND solve your problems.
Intelligence does not guarantee happiness.
pleasure versus happiness
Pleasure pertains to the senses.  For instance, it is pleasurable to eat something you like.  Happiness is a state of being which may or may not involve the senses, as in desires fulfilled.  For example, it was a pleasure to eat the chocolate cake.  I'd be happy if I could have the pleasure of doing it every day. 
My days are filled with happiness
and not anger. I get out of the house and I unfortunately do not have any roses to smell right now. May be I will buy some. I do lead a pleasant life, and again I am not confused. Again, have a nice day. Over and out.
If you truly "love" someone, do you give up your own happiness for them?
I know this is where compromise comes in, but say like, if you are in a relationship and your personalities clash... but you love each other... one of you likes to be social and the other wants to stay home and doesn't want to have friends... how do you deal with this? Because if you compromise doesn't it feel like you are just forcing the other person to do what they dont want to do...?
My days are filled with happiness, not anger
and do not dwell on things that happened 13 years ago like some. We were on here talking about 1 thing and when you interject like you did, then the whole subject opened up again. I am sorta you are a confused person. Take a break- get out of the house, smell the roses, lead a pleasant life.
It's not healthy to base your happiness on another person
I'm not trying to be mean or judge, but I just don't understand why women do this. You should never be this "into" a guy, it's just not healthy. You really need to get into counseling or try to fill that void in your life with church/God/Christianity, anything that makes you happy. Find out what makes you happy (in a healthy way) and pursue that. I've been married 10 years to a wonderful man who is honestly my best friend and I would be very sad if our relationship ended, but I wouldn't be devastated and I know that I'm a strong enough woman that I would get through it just fine. To honestly have a healthy relationship, you should be completely happy and whole on your own and you shouldn't need another person to make you feel happy. I pray that you find whatever it is that you're seeking, but trust me, you'll never find it through another person.
That's what this board is for, to share gripes and happiness sm

and whatever else is bothering us.  it's nice to see that there are other people out there that bored just like me.  there are a lot of pros about working at home, but i have to say, i miss being around people, leaving work at work instead of it staring me in the face all the time.  i have two young kids who are in school and they are my main reason for working at home.  i want to be there for them when they need me instead of growing up in a daycare.


you're very rude.  maybe you need to get out the house a while.


being a grandma
My son-in-law hits the baby. He acts like he is all hyped up on drugs andis really aggressive. There is nothing I can do.

You should give your kids a book about how really smart and gifted children act like heathens when the eat junk food. There are tons out there. Maybe they will take the hint.
my grandma....
Has some money and my mom tries to help her decide what to do with it. I still don't understand what your sister's deal is. Are you implying she WANTS the money when your mother passes away? My mom also speaks about my grandma "losing it", but never mentions MONEY. I think it is right of you to put your foot down with your sister but ALSO discuss the will with your mother. I'm not sure the kind of relationship you have... but I know that my mom can do it with my grandma. I hope you can too
a grandma at 40 wow!
my mom was pushing for that then too but she had to wait until she was 50! ha :)

congratulations and best wishes to your kids and thank your son please for enlisting in the service!
Why should Grandma have to .........sm
help raise 14 kids that her obviously disturbed daughter wants? Grandma raised her child and that child is now a grown adult and supposedly capable of making her own decisions. If she decided to have 14 kids, then she should raise them and not the grandmother.
grandma here...sm
New 1st-time grandma here... I suggest Baby Einstein DVDs, bibs, diapers, Boppy pillow, cloth diapers/burp rags, Onsies in different sizes, books...
I learned from my grandma's and we did that for my FIL.
His service was the best...just friends telling stories about him. I think the reason for the "saving" is because my grandma's funeral was in Iowa. Plus, honestly, I didn't expect that. It was horrible.
grandma care

Does anyone know any good sites for information on taking care of the elderly.  My grandmother is 82 and is in a steady decline, but all i find online are places to put her and in care aids.   Thanks for any help.


grandma's house

No, I would not make them go - Not all people are meant to be the Norman Rockwell grandma.  Why should you subject your children to that?  Let her take them for an afternoon or even a whole day if she has something fun planned, then get them before bedtime.  I have two grown sons, 31 and 33 years.  My older son used to love to go to grandma's house.  My younger son hated it.  All kids are different.  Let them choose.  JMHO.


Anything I want - kids are going to Grandma's!

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer (NM)

decision on grandma
I decided to email tell my grandmother i would bring the boys to her house Tuesday to do their Christmas visiting.  I haven't contacted my mother, she lives beside my grandmother; maybe she will come over when she sees my car.  Who knows?
Thought it was my grandma
We moved into my grandmother's house after she passed away. One morning while I was asleep that paralyzing episode happened to me. I always thought it was grandma's ghost. For years after I had nightmares about it. For some reason I thought she was mad because her things were moved and she wanted things exactly the way she had them.
Son's wedding - Grandma is insisting
does not want at THEIR wedding. How do I, as the groom's mother, handle this. This has put us in a very awkward situation and I am not liking it at all. She calls me and then immediately calls our son and is leaving nasty messages on both phones. Threatening messages, may be a better word for it. By the way, grandma is also my mom.
I am old enough to be a grandma, but had my son very late in life.
I am tired all the time, but glad to have him. I just can't get off the floor when I play with him there. Anyway, paper dolls! And imagination! And club houses we made with chairs and sheets, or boxes. But we had to put everything away when we were finished playing, and only play with 1 thing out at a time. Today I was just thinking, by the time I finish picking up the house, the kids are back home again and the house is trashed. Ugggg. My parents never nagged at me. They did not have to. I knew 4 o'clock meant vacuuming and that I'd have to wash the pots and pans if I were naughty instead of my mom doing them. And there were no automatic dish washers, or even phone answering machines! So much to remember. If my mom were alive today, she would not even imagine the things we have and how computers have changed the world!
my great-grandma did similar
to what i am told the neti pt stuff does. she would have me plug one side of my nose, and have warm salt water in the sink (basin as she called it) and have me sniff that water into one side and then the other side of my nose. then i'd blow my nose. gosh i hated it, but by golly, it unclogged my head when nothing else would.
Grandma has a question: Are those baby slings SM

any good? Are they comfortable. My daughter will be delivering her second child in Novemeber and I wondered if those things are comfortable, as I was thinking about buying her one.


Do babies like them? Do mothers like them? Thank you.


Time to move out of your grandma's house nm
x
Another grandma here and I admire people who have the patience (sm)
to deal with longer hair. I think they have so many more options as to wearing it up, down, whatever. Enjoy what makes you happy. Who the heck made those other people the judge of what is appropriate for our age?


When my grandma died, it was only maybe 2 months before I got my inheritance. sm
Her will was pretty basic and well spelled out, and nothing was contested by anyone. She had been in the nursing home for quite some time and that bill had to be settled first, and her home had to be sold (which it did extremely quickly since we took the first offer). But she died the end of October and it was still winter when I received my check. I don't remember the exact month, just that it was still cold when I was chasing after the mailman, LOL.
Hopefully yours will progress smoothly. Wills can bring out the worst in people, but it doesn't need to.
Thank you very much, I am begining my journey with my 81yo grandma and really needed that. thanks
xx
Should I make the kids sleep over at Grandma & Grandpa's? (sm)
My MIL frequently asks for my children to sleep over.  In the past, I would force them to go a couple of times a year.  The problem is they cry and beg me not to make them go, even now when they are 7 and 10 years old.  My MIL is a good person, but she doesn't ask them what they want to do, she tells them what they are going to do.  "Now you are going to help me make cookies, then we are going visiting."  She doesn't do anything bad, but their home really is incredibly boring.  They are very active in their community..but it is sort of "all for show" and they like to take the kids around and "show" them to everyone.  I do understand this, but you would not believe the begging and pleading and crying I get from the kids not to have to go.  Would you make them go? If so, how often?
The Secret
I've heard a lot about "The Secret" and Oprah's show today is all about it if anyone's interested.  It's about the laws of attraction and how to attract more abundance and positives into your life.  This sounds interesting. 
the secret
I was offered The Secret by special price from another site that I use daily and purchased the dvd. It is very well done and very informative. Please see it.
The Secret DVD
Is the DVD available in stores?
THE SECRET
Have you seen the movie The Secret? If you haven't it is a very good movie to watch. Not only for marriage, but for life. Good luck.
THE SECRET = YOU
It is not just being grateful for what you have; it is your outlook on life. The power of positive thinking. If you think you can't do something or you aren't happy etc. you have already set your limitations. You really have to watch the movie to understand what they are teaching you. Something so simple, yet many people lose sight of it.

You typed "I have always been grateful for what I have, and no better things are coming my way, I can assure you." You have spoken that into existence and nothing better will come your way. (Not trying to be rude, just making a point).

I am grateful for my husband, my kids being healthy and my job as an MT working for a wonderful company, and I look forward to many more happy years.

Sorry, what is the secret to
start with? Don’t know this.
Can you keep a secret like this?
Attorneys kept secret for 26 years that their client committed a murder. An innocent man was charged/tried/convicted for the murder.

Secret Shopper
Email me at reginahare1@hotmail.com and I can give you some sites.
My secret is staying out of the sun

and wearing a hat or slathering on a crapload of sunscreen!  I got totally fried when I worked for a nursery (plants) back in the early 1990's and my ears burnt so bad they they actually got a tad deformed around the edges!  I love outdoors time but I'll be darned if the sun is gonna be the cause of my demise! 


Besides, I'm a superfreak when it comes to medical stuff.  I love researching all sorts of medical crap and that nasty IUD just stuck in my head from my days in Anatomy and Physiology 101. 


I also have a fetish for bugs too and someday, before I die, I'd love to play entomologist or something queer like that.   


 


 


secret shopper
I do this in my spare time, and I am with Shop-N-Chek. I have not had any problems with them. If I want to do a shop, I do one. If I don't, I don't. You do an initial survey and they match you up with potential shops in your area. You can even do them on vacation if you have the zip code for where you are going. The website is shopnchek.com.
secret shopping
Do you make pretty good money doing this?  Is it worth taking the time or do you just do it for fun?  I went to the website you listed and am seriously considering joining...more info would be very much appreciated...
Shshshsh! That's my secret.
:o}
Principal Secret
anyone tried this skin care product?  How'd you like it?  Thinking about ordering, but not sure.  Thanks for feedback...
Principal Secret
I have been using Principal Secret products for over 7 years. I quit the membership though because I simply wasn't using it enough to justify needing a supply shipped to me when they felt it was time, but rather just purchase it when I need it. Like the other poster stated, it is still cheaper than high-end cosmetics at high-end department stores. Principal Secret has a "bottom of the jar" guarantee also, so you can order straight from them, try the product, use it "all" and return it for a full refund if you do not like the product. Having sensative skin and not being able to use any form of foundation, I love their tinted moisturizer (very much lighter in color than chart), but I only use it in the wintertime due to being outside and getting tanned in the summer. I, however, also use all their skin cleanser products and the serum, as stated above, is absolutely wonderful. I do not like the eye cream though, it seems to irritate my skin. After using the tinted moisturizer in the winter, I follow it with the tinted loose powder by Mary Kay Products for a matted finish. Mary Kay loose powder does not irritate my skin nor does it clog my pores.
Do You Have a Secret Ingredient?

Do you have a recipe that you add or substitute an ingredient to make it special?


When I make pecan pies I sub half the amount of the corn syrup with Kahlua. I'm going to switch it up this year and sub it with Godiva liqueur for a chocolate flavor. I also add a couple of tablespoons of brandy to my pumpkin pies.


Secret ingredient sm

My family does not eat meat stuffing, so I use Pepperidge Farm preseasoned bread stuffing but instead of water per directions. I use either orange juice, cranberry juice, or both. I used to use chicken broth but after dieting, I found I could taste the grease. I also throw in a tiny bit of sliced apple, cranberry and raisin, not overpowering, just a hint, then of course, I chop up an onion and some celery. We have nut allergies, otherwise I would add some walnuts. People said they would kill for my stuffing. I mix it up and cook it in a separate casserole dish in the oven, cover with foil for about 15 min., then lift the foil and let brown a little, and butter, oh yes, plenty of butter, it doesn't taste greasy. My one vice is butter, usually holidays.


 


 


 


 


keeping a secret
taking addiction too seriously is a mistake. Keeping it a dirty little secret is a mistake. Hiding "Pa" in the basement because he is an embarrassment is a mistake. There is NOTHING shameful about being addicted to a substance. I hardly think there is one person on this board who does not know someone on antidepressants or takes them and that is considered healthy? But medicating depression with vodka is shameful?

The best disinfectant is light.
Happiness is a heart thing; pleasure is a head thing.nm

We've done that! You can bring pets to my grandma's nursing home on certain days (sm)

You have to go through a little evaluation with your animal, but they have cat days and dog days and you can bring your pets.  Walter is a huge patient sweetie - 120 pounds of shiny black fur and muscle - he is quite young and very solid and built.  Some of the residents love him so much.  He will just slowly walk up to someone he feels might be receptive to him, and when they put their hand out he gets under it and next thing you know he has his big head in their lab and they are slowly petting him, over and over and over.  It is so heartwarming when you are watching.... I mean literally your heart is so full you can feel it in your throat.  I've had to hide my tears every time. 


Sometimes a resident, usually a gentleman, will talk about a dog he used to have with the clearest memory. 


A funny thing happened when Walter was getting some attention from a women in a wheelchair and he leaned against her and I saw her wheelchair was slowly being pushed across the lawn. 


That's the big secret? I saw some of that Oprah and got bored.
I have always been grateful for what I have, and no better things are coming my way, I can assure you. Maybe it's some sort of brainwash...with hidden subliminal messages. LOL
The secret: JESUS. It's so odd that everything they said on that show
as a Christian, was Christianity and they didn't even know it. The only huge difference is that they believe this huge "secret" is about yourself when we believe it's about Jesus. Instead of looking inward to do all of those things, we look outward and ask God to do those things for us and He never fails to do them. It's really no secret.
Anybody wath The Secret on Oprah.

Any experiences with this.  I am having a great time.