My first thought is that it is kind of selfish
Posted By: sm on 2006-12-06
In Reply to: Question about vasectomy - Hello!!
that you would not do it just in case something happens with the two of you and you want more children. What if something happens and his next wife wants more children, even though he says now HE doesn't? Just my observation :)
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I thought it was kind of fun!
Back when I had an employer who paid us for jury-duty, I looked on it as a vacation from MT! My trial was perfect - only a week long, interesting people on the jury, interesting check-fraud case.
Unfortunately, my current company doesnt pay for jury duty, so each time I'm called, I ask to be excused. I think the courts should find out what your current salary is, and pay each juror what they normally get for a day's work. They'd have a lot more happy jurors, and fewer no-shows that way. They money they'd save on not having to track them down and prosecute them (or put them in jail) would probably pay for the salaries, and then some.
I thought it was funny. You have to like that kind of comedy though.
My 12-year-old and his buddies almost fell off the couch they were laughing so hard.
Don't tell - I kind of stole it from him! LOL, thought it was fitting for today. nm
xx
Yes, he's being selfish. When
my Toyota was 15 years old, still running well, but my DH had had 3 new cars in the meantime, when I complained, he quickly switched cars with me and let me drive his newer one. Then a deer hit him in it and totalled it, but he probably drove it for a year. I didn't even have a child to consider. Sounds like your DH is hung up on his image or something, but if you want his conscience to kick in, you might want to avoid yelling about it. If he "forgets," just quietly ask again, gently reminding him he wouldn't want the car to break down, leaving his wife and child stranded.
Selfish
How is it selfish to want to make sure he does not have anymore children? She said that he does not want more children, no matter what happens.
Are you being selfish? The only one being selfish in this sm
is HIM! I am sooooo sorry about this. I wish you were close to me (Columbus, GA area), because we have a very strong support group-system in our church (a very large church with overe 7,000 members) and I know some women going through what you are going through right now.
Your husband doesn't seem to understand that love is not a feeling but a committment. I don't "feel" love for my husband every day - in fact, he does 1 or 2 things that repulse me; BUT, I would never just leave him because I just didn't love him anymore.
Another point is this: Flames and love can be rekindled, no matter what people think. It truly can. I saw a couple get re-married and this woman wanted absolutely nothing to do with her ex anymore. I just saw them recently at a pizza place and they were very happily in love.
Your husband needs help. He has a family and a wife.
But if there is absolutely no way for reconciliation and your closest relative is 20 miles away, then too bad for him. He will make an effort to see those precious kids - remember, this is his doing and not yours. If this is where your family is and they will welcome you and your children, then you must go there. email me if you need anything!
I think this is his selfish way
of trying to keep your daughter from having friends over. It makes me think he wants to do his own thing on the weekends, and is upset that his weekend is taken over by other plans.
If he won't be generous and nice in front of company, then it seems like he needs to go off and do stuff with his buddies when your daughter wants to do something with friends over. He doesn't seem to care about anybody's feelings but his own, so he's not making an effort to make everybody comfortable.
So start by talking to him and asking questions about why he acted that way, and discuss your expectations for offering hospitality to guests. Maybe he's never had any training and has no common sense in the area?
Am I being selfish?
I'm having to undergo some medical testing and my husband has offered to come with me. Now, when he's having medical problems he wants me there and I'm always happy to accompany him. But when I'm getting testing or in the hospital I don't want anybody around. I want to concentrate on what I have to do and not feel like I need to entertain anyone or make conversation, etc. Does anybody else feel this way? I feel like I must be abnormal or something. I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings if I ask him not to come.
Not selfish at all
I think whatever makes you feel more comfortable is what you should do. I think that if you explain it to him the way you just explained it to us he should understand. I'm sure he wants to go to be supportive of you because you are for him, but probably would be happy to do whatever you want. I wish my husband would come for things like that with me but he will not.
IVF is selfish....
With the over-population in the world, I really do not see why in-vitro and any kind of fertility enhancement is necessary. Why is it when someone cannot conceive naturally but wants a baby soooo badly, everyone bends over backwards to accommdate. There are people who would love to have a liver transplant, heart transplant, reconstructive surgery, but I don't see anyone being catered to for those reasons. I really am hesitant to say this, but I will, and that is that anyone who would go through IVF procedures and spend that much time and money (or insurance money) to satisfy their need to bring a human being into the world for their sheer pleasure, in my opinon, would not be ideal parents anyway. It sounds simply selfish and narcissistic. And I would not want to be a child conceived in vitro. Just my opinion. Attempts to convince me otherwise are welcomed. Maybe I'm missing something. And the fact that insurance is paying for IVF is just wrong, totally wrong.
I don't think IVF is selfish for those that truly need it - sm
my sister-in-law and brother were fertility challenged. It took her two years to get pregnant the regular way. My brother having a low sperm count did not help the situation either. She then had a myriad of family issues come up with her parents and put off trying to have another child for 5 years or so. Again, she just could not get pregnant. They finally went to a fertility clinic and they tried everything possible but IVF as their insurance would not pay for it. They still ended up putting out tons of money for what insurance would not cover. (so not everyone's insurance will pay for IVF) She still never conceived after drugs, daily injections, ovulation kits, etc. They tried for 2-3 years again with no luck. At this point she was 47/48 (My brother is 5 years younger) or so and they gave up. She really wanted another child but will obviously have to content herself with the one she has. I am sure it does not help her to hear that, well at least you had the one baby, many don't even have that....which is true of course, but she was very depressed for a long time while she came to terms with it. I just wish she had started trying again sooner, as I think she would have had a better chance then, since she had age and fertility issues against her as it was. But thankfully my newphew is a great kid with a good head on his shoulders and they are my kid's legal guardians as well if my DH and I are ever killed/die together, so I know they have a good family to go to if ever necessary.
Why are men so selfish?
I get so sick and tired of my husband never listening to what I want to do. It is always his way or the highway. Last April, we lost our home and were foreclosed on. Our credit is ruined. The place we are living at now is in my MIL's name. The lease is up next month. My husband wants to move again. He says he doesn't like it here. (He does not like anywhere we live.) Our 2 year anniversary is next month and we have already lived in 3 different places. I am so sick and tired of moving. He cannot be satisfied. I told him last night that I think we should stay here for another year so that it will give me time to rebuild our credit up some and save up money for us to move. He still wants to move. I told him we are not going to have enough money to pay for a deposit and the 1st month's rent. (I can never save any money with him because he spends soooo much) He said well i guess we will just have to go without for a while. Or he always wants to rely on his mom. I told him that I don't want to depend on her. So then he told me, "Well, I AM moving." So that is that i guess. I have to do whatever he wants even though my plan is a lot safer and makes more sense. His mom does not want to help us this time. Can we rent a place when we both have terrible terrible credit? Have any of you had to deal with this? I just want to strangle my husband. He is so spoiled and selfish and never ever listens to me.
you are selfish
you are offended because you are selfish. Stop taking your own emotional temperature so often, turn off the computer and go talk to your son.
How is she selfish?
I think what she did was so unselfish...her husband beat her, that situation in itself is not good for children to be around ever...her husband clearly has other things to "DO" and has not called the children since she left...like I said you obviously have no children or you would have a tad bit of sympathy...
Unless the husband is a very selfish - sm
SOB, he will understand that the child comes first. Yes, I agree you should not neglect your husband by giving all your time and attention to the child, but at the same time he must understand that when you do have free time, you won't be using it to massage his ego (or wherever else) as you will probably be too tired. Taking care of a baby is very tiring though it is not hard unless you have a colicky baby. What little time you do get to yourself (when they nap) you will probably nap yourself (I did sometimes) as you will be beat. Yes, your relationship will change with your husband, and some get weirded out by seeing their child be born and won't get near you for a while; Freud could explain it. Mine got a bit weird but it only lasted a couple months; he was much better the second time around (plus he did not see #2 be born so I think that helped); he was home taking care of #1; mom was with me. Both my husband and I put the kids first, though lately (finally) we have been trying to get out more on our own now that they are older (7 & 9); so we have the occasional date now (once every 3 months or so) which is crucial to maintaining your relationship though I'd recommend more often if possible (i.e. once or twice a month would be nice). I would not overly worry about that aspect of things, just keep your common sense and you will be fine.
He is selfish, that's why, and will not change! nm
/
You sound very selfish.
You wouldn't be where you are today without her, so deal with it. It's your own guilt you're dealing with. My mother had two hips and two knees done and I helped her every time all while working on-site part-time and at home part-time with two little ones. Well, she died 2 years ago, and I miss her so. My kids miss her more. I only wish I could have her interrupt me one more time so I could thank you for all she's done.
Selfish parents
People are selfish these days...no one wants to be bothered with their own kids...and before you think I am TOO old, I am only 49 with 18 and 24 year old sons. I've been involved in all their things all their lives...that is why I had children. A DD too sounds like she resents having to help her children with homework and extracurricular activities. That is the price you pay for the joy of raising your children...get over it. My dh and I have been active in our kids sports and school all their lives and it just shocks me at how many people give their 8-10 year olds $20 and tell them go play somewhere while they are out at a hockey rink, or school gym and these are the kids causing trouble or running around like banchees. Someone could snatch them up at any time and then they'd be wringing their hands and crying. Also I'm shocked that kids cannot make change without a calculor or don't know how to spell or read very well. Before my kids started kindergarten they knew their numbers, colors, letters, could print their name and could read some words, because my husband and I spent the time with them to teach them, spent time WITH them. that is what you do when you're a parent...sorry but this is my biggest pet peeve about parents today.
You are not selfish at all, but I would say to wait (sm)
Wait until you know if you want children or not. You really should not get married, no matter how much you love this guy, until you know the answer to that. Because it is a very important factor. If he wants children and later you realize you do not, that will be a big, big, big stumbling block in your marriage and one that neither one can honestly give in on. For me, I was late 20s and suddenly every time I saw a Pampers commercial I would cry because I wanted a child so badly. LOL! I don't think that happens to everyone who wants to be a parent though! :) Just picture yourself 10 years from now...do you want to be pursuing your career heavily? Do you want the responsibility of children? Do you see them as a job or a gift? If you can visualize yourself 5 or 10 years from now, you can see what you want. Meanwhile...go to a nursery at church or to a friend's house who has babies and spend some time with them, hold them and play with them and see if you feel the urge to have some of your own. If not, it is not selfish at all, it is just how you feel and what you want. But to marry him knowing that he wants children when you are not sure if you do would be definitely a selfish thing to do. Try to figure that out before you tie the knot. Best wishes to you :-)
I hate that selfish
crap
The drinkin kind or the rubbin kind?? sm
So....is that for me to drink so I don't notice or care that my hands are all splotchy black or to get the ink off?  Seriously though, do I use the rubbing alcohol - or like Jack Daniels?? and do I soak in it or what? I never heard of using alcohol but I'll try anything.
Why is it selfish to have a child and not be making
at least 100,000 a year? Are you serious?!
We have 2 children and do not make quite that on combined salaries, but are very blessed in what we do have. Our children are happy and participate in activities outside the home, are well taken care of and have all the things they need and most of what they want. Last time I checked, having a kid and keeping them happy wasn't about keeping up with the Joneses. That is a warped sense of belonging that too many people have nowadays. Parents too who then pass it on to their kids. It's quite sad, really.
That is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. nm
nm
I agree...not selfish at all..we have all felt like that at one time or another..
although some of us probably don't want to admit that...glad she vented to us and not her mother...
Her mother is a selfish woman who wants nothing but her deceased daughter's money....
she was booed at her daugther's funeral because she tried to stop the whole thing, once again, while they were in the procession of going to the chapel...she is a horrid woman as far as i am concerned...i feel bad that she lost her daugther and grandson but other than that she can crawl back under the rock that she came out of...
I'm having a hard time understanding having a baby for selfish reasons...
My older sister feels the same way and doesn't want kids.
As I pointed out above, I'm being selfish by wanting my alone time and doing my own thing and not having to care for someone else.
but watching my little sister be a mother, it is one of the most SELFLESS acts I've ever seen.
So I guess I'm confused at how come you point out that it is selfish... just because you love babies doesn't make you selfish to have them. and of course it's "necessary" or we as a human race would be over ;)
I just feel like being a mother is the toughest job in the world... so I don't know how to combine selfish with that. I do see your point in a way that we want something to love, but I just look at it as being a family... I want a family. I know there are people who are content on their own... but I guess your point would be "WHY" do i want that family? I can't answer that in specific terms.
I guess it's to share the love that me and him have with a child or children some day... to expand our happiness. well i guess that is selfish. ha.
I'm glad you are such a good mom. I don't know what I'd do without mine.
I feel that is best too. I have been kind, very kind, to this ...sm
child since he moved here in March. I also am not one of those parent's that thinks my children are perfect. You never know what they might do out of your presence. I do know how I have raised them though and I am all for getting them all together when there is a problem and getting to the bottom of it but anymore that doesn't seem to work. The parents automatically get defensive and start making excuses, etc. I'm going to look for somewhere else to move. I've lived here for 2-1/2 years and we never had a problem until this boy moved in. His mother is a piece of work.
Are those the red kind of
licorce? Have not tried those yet. Wonder if they would be good with, say a few olives on the side?
and that's being kind actually....sm
I could think of dozens of adjectives that are *stronger* than smarmy but probably not permitted to be typed at this website...
GMTA = great minds think alike, eh? 
what kind of dog is it?
x
I would not want to pay for that kind
of therapy. If the therapist cannot stay neutral and professional...I just would not be comfortable either. If my friends and family cannot be my therapist, why would I want my therapist to act like a friend? Good luck in whatever you do.
At least you got a thank you of some kind. sm
There have been a couple times when I haven't even received a thank you note for a wedding gift.
Actually, I think it was just one time, because the other time I finally got the thank you note (lovely, hand written), but it was a *year* later! (And I thought I procrastinated... LOL)
That's kind of what
I figured, but wasn't sure. Are you talking about like the Solarcaine green gel with lidocaine? That's what I put on it, but he will barely even let me do that. I put sunscreen on them on and off all day, but guess not enough! I guess I underestimated that hot Galveston sun! Thanks for the advice.
What kind of look are you going for?
Classic? Country? Rustic? Modern?
Butcher-block (or lookalike) would work for country or rustic. Stainless steel would work for modern. Tile or slate could work for most styles, depending on the design.
I have a Corian-type solid surface countertop which I like. It does scratch fairly easily, but the scratches are easily buffed out with polish unless they are really deep.
Well, I think they are trying to do some kind of (sm)
public service or something, probably about reporting it. Brooke was on at the very end making a little speech, but I actually didn't hear it.
YAY!!! What kind did you get? (sm)
I've been using one for years, but I'm working 2 jobs now and to break the monotony, I use 2 different computers in different rooms. I 'commute' with my ergo keyboard because the one downstairs has a regular keyboard. So, I'm thinking about getting a new one. The one I'm using now is a Microsoft, but I think the model is extinct, so I'm looking for recommendations.
You're not a dork. I know how you feel. It was like... How the heck did I ever type on a regular keyboard!!?? With our job, ergonomics and comfort is everything. Congrats and have fun LOL ;-)
No and if I did that, she is the kind that
would be highly insulted, get her nose out of place. I have honest to goodness kept my mouth shut when I wanted time after time to say something- I love her but I don’t like her. Does any other mother understand this? I have walked on egg shells not saying things. Not an open communication ever with her- she is much into her friends though.
You are too kind!
 20 years ago I would have flew off the handle to have something like this, but now I know it is in His hands, not mine! Thanks for the encouragement.
Me too. I can't think of what kind of job I can do
that isn't MT...I've been doing this for so long. I can write well, and am a heckuva ghostwriter (have done blogs and resume cover letters for friends) but can't figure out where the money is in that. Sigh.
Good luck to everyone.
You all have been so kind
Thank you all so much. Words just cannot express my gratitude for the way you've extended your hearts to a virtual stranger. You're all amazing.
Romey, your post was very nice. I couldn't read it the first time I tried. I had to walk away and come back and read it later.
It is getting easier with time.
Kind of
Usually every year my husband's family gathers here in Central Florida at the beach. However, during the hurricane season of 2004, the condo that my uncle owned timeshare in got damaged to the point of being condemned. So now that we have to actually PAY for a condo, this year we have decided to head up to the panhandle which is halfway between the FL family and the AL family and in the same town as one of the aunts, namely due to gas prices and Lord their drive used to be 10 hours, no fun with kids.
As for us, we will be heading up there which we don't usually do. However, both myself and my husband work from home so we might put gas in each vehicle once a month? We also own a boat which we put gas in but this year we're telling friends who want to come out and go wakeboarding that they're going to have to chip in for gas. As an FYI, boat takes 87 and not great gas mileage. I drive a truck that takes the cheap stuff but gets 19 mpg and less while towing the boat. Husband drives a sportscar that takes 93 BUT gets like 25-28 mpg, to say the least we will be driving his car to the panhandle in May!
what kind of dog is it?
x
You are both so kind, and you are right
on the mark. Yes, the credit cards are his. He lived off credit cards for several years to support himself and his kids after he and his wife split up. His wife never paid child support and he paid for daycare and everything, so had to pay for extras outside of his salary on credit. Then when I came along I was doing real well as a hospital MT, but had to quit because I was here and he needed me to watch the kids. He did not understand I had a shift like a regular job. So, after several months of my back and forth work and being with the kids, the boss gave me an ultimatum daycare for the kids or I leave my job. I told my DH that my income which was very good at the time was important to me as I have supported myself my whole life including being a single mom. But he would not budge. So, I quit. It has been 3 years and most of our marriage my trying to balance kids (I love them don't get me wrong) and work. I finally become a SE, and I am giving him direct deposit on my paycheck with me taking a small percentage out for things for my son. But, since the money is now coming in he is putting it to the credit cards. Anyway, I stopped eating mostly because I got disgusted. He is always having sandwiches and chowing down in front of me. His boy who is a big eater is asking for 3 or 4 snacks a day. My son asks for snacks there's nothing left and he said to me:" Next time you get money mommy, GO FOOD SHOPPING." He said that right in front of DH. But, I just know when I do that the gorging goes on. I explained to DH about telling his son about gluttony, but he laughs at me. So, when I see him and his son eat this way, I get grossed out and am not hungry at all. I am sorry to say all this here. I actually just came back from the doc who gives me nerve pills because of my situation and he says I am doing really well coping with the situation. Which he knows what is going on. He is sending me to see a good counselor who he says," will validate me and give me support and confidence." Last time I went to see a counselor she told me to leave. But, my son loves his step sister and brother and so I want to stay. Well, sorry for the soap opera. I think when I start making more money I will get food and tires for my car, etc. but I will hide some food and snacks and siphon it into the general population here. That way they don't get snorted up by certain people. LOL. (And yes, I am putting an emergency fund away. But this is why I wish there was more transcription out there!) Thanks for your kind words and support. Between you and the doc today, it makes me feel I am not alone! :)
I kind of like this.
![](http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:vnIUDcPN5K6MHM:http://www.lvpcchurch.org/lvpc/files/u1/cross1_1_.jpg")
I have tried nearly every kind
of mascara known to woman. My favorite BY FAR is the Loreal Voluminous waterproof. It's so silky, non-clumping, etc. Just perfect. So I guess now it's time for them to discontinue it - LOL! That's what happened after I found my perfect foundation -- Maybelline's Wonder Finish.
Yup, have 2 teens and it is kind....
of interesting as one does not have "all the time in the world for that anymore." We have got to get when we can. But also he works nights and obviously sleeps some during the day. Maybe that is what has kept the fire going all these years. LOL
With that kind of money,
she could have easily afforded to pay you back without filing on the insurance. She should have offered to have paid you half back at least. I think that would have settled it.
Don't take your parents not choosing sides personally. They are probably trying to not make the situation worse than it already is. They are probably hoping you two will work this out somehow. Them getting involved will only make it worse.
Besides everything she has done, losing your family is just not worth it. I hope that you can find a way to work this out. My brother passed away and my sister is missing. I would give ANYTHING to have them back.
you are very kind; thanks for your time.
x
What kind of shakes do you use?
Some of them are just nasty ... any tips on ones that taste halfway decent?
What kind of programs?
Sorry to hear you are in the same boat. It's funny because until you feel or have felt that way, it's hard to relate. I truly feel that I have tried everything in my power. Now he wants me to try again and I just don't think I can change the way I feel. We recently went to a Christian marriage counsellor that his mother wanted us to go to and he kept telling me that it is my choice how I feel toward my husband. It isn't. It's like a response to something bad for you I think. Your body tells you to spit out bitter things because they could be poison. Well....I think maybe it's the same type of response! Like, no this isn't good for you, get away from it!
What kind of biopsy
What kind of biopsy did you have and when did you have it? Out here (Virginia) I had a stereotactic biopsy on a Wednesday morning and the results at noon the next day. At the breast clinic here everyone comes in for the results. I liked knowing the very next day, regardless of the outcome. You know - the percentages are actually in your favor ... all the research I've done indicates 80% of biopsies are benign. I had one 4 years ago that was benign. Please let me know how you're doing. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
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