My experience when my husband died last year
Posted By: OldMT on 2009-03-26
In Reply to: I agree..... - Nola
My husband died suddenly last year. I was devastated and not thinking really clear, but my family was very supportive and the funeral director was very helpful. My husband wanted to be cremated. The biggest single expense is the casket and when cremating, it gets burned with you. If you're being cremated, they now "rent" you a casket for the viewing. It's totally sanitary. There is a removable liner that is put in and the usual silk/taffetta liner is put over that. It's no different other than buying a casket, other than you don't pay the high price and no one knows the difference. It was a beautiful, very expensive wood casket. We had a very nice viewing and service with all the amenities, prayer cards, notices, music, flowers, etc. The total cost was around 4000.00. I have his ashes, they are going to be spread this summer in a place he had always said he wanted them to be. I wasn't trying to do it as cheap as possible, but it was nice to not have to spend a small fortune.
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My plants died when husband still alive but after he died
surprisingly I grew lots of plants and still have them. My housekeeper says he was the devil and that is why the plants died. I was just as bad as you back then, killed artificial plants.
She died less than a year ago. He's supposed to
pretend it didn't happen, deny it, ignore it, etc.? Then you'd be on here calling him cold-hearted. I wish people would leave their personal lives out of it... IT'S A SINGING COMPETITION. I happen to loooove his singing.
Had a friend whose husband died
and she had grown children but I know she was not able to collect his social security at 50 - she had to wait til at least 60 before collecting on his. She had never really worked at job where she could make her own living and she was in a mess, had to take sales position in a dress shop and nearly went under waiting.
Niece died with sleep apnea, husband has
I know how dangerous- the niece was 39. Hubs also wears the mask every single night. He and I both know well about this. He has a brother who absolutely needs, had wreck driving in the daytime, somnolent but cannot tell some people.
Husband died in May, I married one of his best friends that December
Thus my name-----
We had the same experience last year
My daughter got them last year in second grade. She also got a reaction from the Nix, and I was reluctant to try anything else on her. I did some searching on the web and found that over-the-counter Denorex, which is a dandruff shampoo, kills them. There are two different kinds of Denorex, and you have to get the one with coal tar in it, it is stronger.
Anyway, we washed her hair with it and let it sit in her hair for about 5-10 minutes. It does tingle/sting a little bit, but much better than the Nix. When we rinsed her hair, I can't tell you how many of those things just fell out!!! I used the lice comb, and she only had a few unhatched nits that I could find. I washed her hair every day for a week, just in case there were any left, and we never found another one.
The other thing we do EVERY DAY now is to spray her hair with tea tree oil. You can find this at Wal-Mart or any drug store, either where they have vitamins/supplements or actually in the lice aisle. Put a 4-5 drops of the tea tree oil in a spray bottle full of water and spray this on her hair every day before she leaves in the morning. You don't have to saturate her hair, just kind of mist it. For some reason, lice hate the smell of this stuff, and it repels them.
I know how frustrating this is, and I only had one child to treat while you have 3! Good luck with this.
I am so worried. Anyone have this experience? My 5 year old son sm
has been caught putting on his 2 year old brother's diapers. He got up in the middle of the night the other night and I caught him. He got embarrassed. He does it during the day behind locked doors. He does not wet his bed. I kept finding clean, used diapers around the house and thought I was losing my mind.
I am not comfortable discussing this with pediatrician yet. He's been doing it for about 2 weeks. I can't imagine what this could be. He gets really embarrassed if I try talking to him about it. He clearly knows it is not right. He has no faults at all - plays baseball, very boyish young child - and then this creeps up. Anyone out there know what this could be?
yes, in my experience, husband 47 and i 27
when we got married. I was his 3rd (2 divorces) wife, he was my 1st marriage. I'm sure no one thought it would last. My mother referred to him as an old fart and refused to come to the wedding. We moved away and they've only seen their grandchildren a couple of times (due to geography, cost, etc). We've been married going on 28 yr, raised 2 beautiful children. My mother is the same age as my husband. People are amazed at how close we seem, how much we share and communicate. Some people have acted like we are "weird" based on the age difference, but that's their problem. We have different life/generational experiences, like different music, etc, but i'd do it again. The downside for me is that i he may leave this world way before i do. There are a lot of indicators as to whether a marriage will work, IMO, age is not one of them.
20-year old personal clinical experience
is simply not relevant. Very recent clinical investigation by international health organizations simply is.
And we should stop focusing on only the physical ramifications (of which there are many) and acknowledge the potential for psychological effects. And before you all tell me you think your kids have no psychological side effects, allow me to reject this out of hand, since it is not backed up by anything comparative.
As I said, we may do it in a sterile environment, but it is still an atrocity.
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
My husband did the same thing one year, except it
was blue with big white clouds on it. I was very angry, exchanged it, and still wasn't happy because I thought he just didn't care. My kids have always been great about gifts, even when not having a lot of money to spend. Anyway, I had my big pout session that year and didn't feel one bit better. I have since come to realize how wonderful it is to have a husband and family just to spend time with. I love him dearly whether he gets me anything or not. This year I got a very nice jewelry box for which I had absolutely no need, but he tried. He loves me and that's enough. I am so blessed. I could have been spending Christmas all alone, but instead, I got to spend the day with my family. DH had to work, so we had to celebrate later, but I still knew he was coming home that afternoon and I had that to look forward to.
My husband was a contractor over there for a year - his suggestions -
He told me people went nuts over homemade goodies of any kind (cookies travel very well in those tubular oatmeal containers from Quaker Oats). Also, you can send chocolate things this time of here because the temps are much lower. He also said people adored magazines and books, things to do to help pass the time during slow periods. My husband liked when I sent those Crystal Light singles drink mixes. He would add one packet per bottle of water for a nice change from plain old water. Itemize your list as you pack each box because the post office wants to know what you are sending. He also said people really enjoyed receiving cards and notes. Lots of them feel forgotten in this war many people do not support, and depression really sets in this time of year. He said anything you send will be very, very much appreciated.! 
My husband usually gets a 12,000 bonus every year in March and then takes home around 7 or 8. It IS
sickening - that the Govt. gets that much out of taxes. I hate it. WE are standing behind the Fair Tax for this very reason. Somethings gottah happen. Remember the Boston Tea Party? This govt is just out of control in its spendind. 39% How is one supposed to live when we only bring home 70% of our actual pay? Doesn't that anger some of you?????????????????????????????????????????
Charla Muller gives husband a year's worth of sex for his 40th birthday
A US woman has written a book about the unusual gift she gave her husband for his 40th birthday - 365 nights of sex.
High-flying PR exec Charla Muller, from North Carolina, hit upon the idea for her salesman husband Brad, now 42, and has written a book about the year.
"When I offered my husband sex every day for a year to celebrate his 40th birthday he literally fell over. After hearing the words, Brad slipped on a toy on the floor and landed with a thud. As I had spent so long thinking about an exciting present that I thought he would love, I was confident he would say yes. But to my astonishment, Brad refused my offer. He said: “It’s a great idea, I just don’t think you really mean it.”
Being intimate at night meant we worked better as a couple during the day. Our house ran better because we were more agreeable. Having sex regularly made me start looking around, wondering who else was getting good loving. Is it the good-looking women or the regular mums — like me?
Sometimes I don’t shave my legs and have stinky breath, but Brad still finds me sexy.
I worried our sex every day arrangement may become a routine, like brushing my teeth or having a shower. On the third month, Brad had to call it a day during one session. “We’ve been doing it for 88 days straight,” he said. “I don’t think I have it in me. After all, there’s always tomorrow.”
After six months of the gift, we both worried whether it was possible to keep things new and exciting. I didn’t have the energy to constantly spice things up. Before, just having sex was new and exciting. Now we had to turn it up a notch to get out of the land of run-of-the-mill sex, to the kingdom of earth-shattering, wake-the-neighbours sex.
But we were nearing the end of our agreement, and although all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers and go to sleep, I realised: Sometimes you gotta do it when you just don’t want to. It was just like spending Christmas with your in-laws or cheering on a football team you couldn’t care less about. “Let’s get on with it,” I muttered to Brad. “Just close your eyes.” Brad sighed, and did just that.
The day after Brad’s 41st birthday I was giddy with excitement, relieved and ebullient that I didn’t have to have sex every day. I bounced around the house, singing: “I did it, I did it,” under my breath. I was deeply satisfied that I had carried the present through."
No experience with the program but definitely experience with the symptoms! nm
x
Bigger issue - a 16 year old living withi a 29 year old and liability
Are you still not responsible for him until he is 18, how can he tell you where he will live? Unless he emancipates himself and he does something wrong, can they go against you since you are his mother and legally responsible for him? I worry more about him living with a 29 year old sister rather than returning a house key to me that is a bigger issue.
My 14-year-old is going to be a mother-in-law (so funny) if you google it and 11-year-old daughter
x
She died.
The vet looked through the records for these cats and they were apparently 4 weeks old when we go them, which made Little One about 12 weeks old. She still fit in the palm of my hand and weighed a pound. There must have been something genetically wrong with all of them. :(
Oh, that's why he died sm
I haven't been keeping up on the backstage stuff and wondered why he had to die. I really like the show. It kind of reminds me of Stephen King's The Stand, which is an all-time favorite of mine.
I say died. Died is died.
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My dog died while I was away....sm
I was at the beach this week and he'd been going back quickly, but you always think there's going to be more time. I knew he wouldn't see the end of summer, but I thought he'd be here when I got home today. I've been carrying his collar around in my pocket since my husband gave it to me when I got home.
They are now saying he has died. :( nm
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Won $2,000 on slot machine on New Year's Eve. What a way to start the year. nm
!
Set my budget a year in advance, save all year and
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I also prefer died
tells it like it is. Expired just sounds dumb. I have not heard these in medical records but here are a few terms for disabled people I hate (I am disabled): Differently abled, physically challenged and - (gag) - handicapable. Who came up with these? Admittedly, crippled does not sound right anymore and handicapped sounds passe but just plain disabled will do.
My g'mother died in the 70s at the age of 75.
NM
It was very sad when my grandmother died
but she had lived a long good life. It was not a big party by any means, but we were looking at it from the side of she is now in heaven, she is with her husband, and she is no longer suffering any pain. I know there is always sadness and more for some than others. I knew what I wrote was going to be misunderstood. BTW, I am caucasian.
Bernie Mac died
It was sad to hear Bernie Mac had died. He was such a funny and talented comedian. I loved him in Transformers and Guess Who and heard his comedy stand up routines several times. He really made us laugh.
Unfortunately this is untrue - he has died
Don't know what news you were listening to but they were misinformed. Bernie Mac has passed away from complications of pneumonia. I wish it weren't true. He was very funny and from what I've read a very decent and humble and wonderful person in his private life. Will miss his good humor. I did love his routine about his sister's kids among others.
My father died when I was 21.
He was sick most of his life ... or at least during most of my life. He was a very sweet, gentle man, but he was always in pain and ill. As it happens, my family was just devastated in 1983. A dear uncle died of lung cancer that April. In May, my paternal grandmother with whom we lived died, my father died in July, and then another aunt who lived next door to us died that winter.
I have to say that as bad as that all was, the one thing that I was able to take forward with me was how to deal with death. After that point, as young as I was, I knew exactly what it felt like to lose someone, then to have to continue on and make funeral arrangements, stand in receiving lines, etc., etc. There's sort of a ritual to it all that is actually comforting. At least to me it was comforting. So from that point on, I had real empathy for others going through similar losses.
I think you've hit on why you feel that you are falling short in comforting your daughter. You said you haven't experienced this sort of thing in your life. One day, you will, unfortunately. It's part of life. But until then, it might help to talk to your friends or relatives who've been through it. You can gain insight from their experience.
I can tell you that there is really nothing to be done about the feelings. A person really does just have to experience them before going on. Your daughter sounds as if she is very in tune with her friends, who are going through such a horrible time right now and certainly have a long way to go yet. No doubt, your daughter is frightened about the thought that this could happen to her, as well. And she also would like to help her friends. I, too, tend to withdraw under stress. If your daughter is that sort of personality, then it might be difficult to talk to her. Just let her know that you are sorry and will talk to her when she is ready. But if you can talk to her, I would suggest you simply acknowledge that these sorts of things are extremely difficult to bear, seeming impossible. But that just being available to her friends will be a huge help. She can simply send a card, note, email, even a text message to say "I'm thinking of you." You can set the example by sending a card to the your daughter's friends and their families.
That sounds so simple, but it's actually huge, because when you go through times like this, so often you feel alone. Knowing that others are thinking of you can be so comforting. I can remember when my father died, I felt like I was walking in a bubble, separated from everyone but still there with them. I'd walk down a busy street, people moving past me, talking, doing their normal things, and all the while my whole life had changed. Yet, I know I looked completely normal. It was a strange feeling, one I've had more than few times in my life. I felt as if I had a gaping wound in my chest, yet as I walked down the street no one would notice it. It makes you feel very separated and alone.
So if you can offer any advice to your daughter, let HER know that she's not alone, and tell her that her friends need to know that, too.
My niece died from
obstructive sleep apnea at 37. I did not see at my father's funeral. I was not called when she died. My brother's wife called my first cousin and he passed the news on to his mother (my maternal aunt) and maternal aunt called me. I had no idea (being as my brother did not speak nor want me in their lives) that the niece had gone thru so much. My aunt and I went to the funeral home and funeral and the mother told me about what kind of life she had, drugs, alcohol, prison - yes prison. No one ever told me and this was about 3 times she was in prison. I never knew anything about these kids coming up. The mother told me the niece did not have insurance, could not afford CPAP. I would have bought that had I known but like I said, brother made the decision to NOT have me around and I went along with his wants. The only heirs would be my brother's children, not his wife, not ever. I am sorry you do not tend to understand this but this is the case. In the years since 1973 no one from that family called until nephew in jail in maybe 1986 or 1987. I never heard my name called by Aunt on the first part of it. Only sibling I had. I have complete peace of mind and sleep like a baby. After my brother died with his children being 4 and 6, his wife could have reached out to me then, did not happen. All water under the bridge, long time ago.
I was nine when Elvis died,
but it still had quite an impact on me, and I remember, as do most, where I was when I heard the sad news. I was never one to watch the royal family very much, but I must say that I felt devastated to hear of the tragedy when Princess Diana was killed, and had the same sort of feeling when John Denver went home.
I was about the same age when Elvis died...sm
I remember listening to his funeral on my radio, which at that age it still strikes me as odd as I probably was not a fan of his music. Just one of those moments in history, I guess.
I also remember getting up at 6:00 a.m. to watch Princess Diana get married, and I remember when she died, I was kind of embarrassed at how impacted I was by that. I guess somehow maybe I wanted to be a princess even in my adult years.
Don't remember John Denver so much but anyone a Chris Ledoux fan?
CNN says she's dead - died at the hospital....
found unconscious in a hotel room. So sad that she had such a wasted life.
I think she died of a broken heart.
She said in an interview awhile back that if it wasn't for her baby, she'd be with Daniel whereever he was. She wanted to leave this earth.
This whole thing is so sad - like some horrible made-for-TV-movie.
It's confirmed our baby died ...sm
3 weeks ago. I'm having a D&C tomorrow since I haven't had the spontaneous miscarriage.
my father died at 96 and worked til 86
   
I'm so sorry for your loss! Mine also died of (sm)
acute renl failure, and was only a 4-yr-old Persian. His problem started with a urinary tract blockage that almost killed him. An amazing vet saved his life, but apparently the damage was already done to his urinary system, and a month (and $2500) later, he had to be euthanized. :( After reading about Persian cats' predisposition to UTIs, blockage, and renal failure, and the role food can play, I blame myself for letting him have Meow Mix dry food - not as a staple, but just as a hand-fed, occasional treat. Especially since this cat would NOT TOUCH wet cat food of any type - another risk factor. I now have a new Persian, and this kitty gets ONLY Royal Canin Persian 30 dry cat food, and immediately after the recall I threw away any Nutro Max wet cat food I had. (I was lucky - she wouldn't eat it anyway). Their kibble is supposed to be a high-quality food. But since my little flat-faced kitty also finds the shape of Royal Canin easier to pick up and chew, in addition to the fact that it's formulated for Persians, that's the only dry food I'll feed her. For wet, she gets a mixture of Fancy Feast and Friskies Prime Filets.
Thanks for the info. about lilys (?-what's the plural of lily, anyway?) Aloe vera is another poisonous one. Actually there are MANY! (You can find lists on cat websites, which you probably already know.) I play it safe and keep ALL live plants (except kitty grass) outdoors, and have only plastic plants indoors. (An upside to that is the plastic ones are easier to keep alive, too!) ;D
I know there was a reason my baby died...sm
but that doesn't erase the heartache of losing a life that was created. I've always heard that losing a child is the worst pain anyone can endure and certainly agree. I've buried a fiancee in the past as well as other close friends and relatives but the pain from their deaths was different than this one.
Thank you to those that have responded. I know I'll get through this, hard as it may be.
my Pop died early 2005-have never gotten over it
But some of it He does allow to happen - my friend died (sm)
of lymphoma and left behind her six month old baby. She never had a single normal day with her child as she got sick during her pregnancy. Many of us prayed so hard. Maybe it was God's will for her to die, I don't know, and I know that we don't understand everything he allows. But he DOES ALLOW things. Her illness had nothing to do with people being evil. I am a Christian, as in I believe in God and Jesus, but I don't pretend to understand everything, because I really, really do not understand.
Update on dog that died from heatstroke sm
Way back in July (page 13 down below-find Calling Animal Rescue) I reported a lady who tied her dog outside in the blistering heat and I found it-well, it died of heatstroke. Anyway, I have been dilligently checking on this because I want to see this lady prosecuted. Meanwhile, she went out of town to another shelter and got not 1 but 2 more dogs. Really ticked me off. I went to my vet with one of my dogs for its checkup and he was the one that treated this dog that died. He wouldn't talk about it, of course, but I did say, "Doc, I know you treated that dog, can you please get on the stick with the paperwork" and he just looked at me and said "why". "Well, doc, I found that poor dog and watched it cook from the inside out-I want to see those people rot in court-I'm the one who officially reported it to the police". So anyway, he did just that! The police were there at this lady's house and confiscated those two new dogs and fined her for lying on her application to the shelter-said her other dog died of old age. Now it's in the hands of the states attorney. So, after sticking my neck out several times, I am finally going to see something happen. I hope they call me to testify. I gave one heck of a statement that day. It pays to be persistent.
Love the pic. My golden who died 2
months ago LOVED the snow and would always run out in the yard, stick his whole head in and then do a slow dive and wiggle around in it. Thanks for the great memory.
Ledger died from overdose
The people are saying sad, sad way of death. They are calling accidental death by abuse of prescription drugs. You know, this was a grown man. Who takes medicine in such volumes including Hydrocodone, Valium, oxycodone, etc. that do not know what happens if you make cocktails? You can be a druggy whether it is prescribed to you or not.
For a couple weeks after my dad died, - sm
both my mom and my brother saw him either walking in the hallway or working at his desk. They said it was very clearly him, and they had no fear - they knew he had just come back to be sure everything was OK, and that my mom was running his business correctly!
Paul Newman died...RIP. nm
//
Just heard she died. Such a shame.
I really hope they catch this guy.
Ed McMahon died during the night
Probably because of all the stress caused by his injury and stress from his recent money problems.
So sad.
Michael Jackson has died (sm)
All the major news shows reporting that he died of cardiac arrest.
Fox News website now says he has died.
"after reports of a possible heart attack."
It is sad...and unbelievable they both died today.
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