My aunt married a guy 28 years older
Posted By: sm on 2009-03-17
In Reply to: Any thoughts of a 28-year-old girl and 54 yr old - man? Her father is 56.
than her with 4 children, 2 older than her. (his 1st wife died when their youngest was 4, 10 years previously). They were married for 37 years, had 2 kids of their own, and everything worked for them, marired until he died. She and his family got along great, her parents on the other hand, had a rough time dealing with it until their 1st child was born.
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I'm 20 months older than my hubby, married 23 years so far! -nm
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Get this, older aunt of mine, DIL called and said if anything happens
to her- can you give me a call, in other words when she dies. This aunt is also great aunt to my son- I asked the DIL why don't you go to see her now (she is in middle 80s)- always an excuse, no car, no this, no that. She lives driving distance, about 170 miles from here. Just pitiful is all I can say- I visit her every 3-4 months and call her weekly.
Both my mom and aunt have had very good success with it. My mom, smoker for over 40 years, quit cold
turkey and says Chantix is the best drug out there - she tried everything!
I see that there are mixed feelings about this drug as with all drugs. Works for some and doesn't work that well with others. Sorry to hear about their experience!
Been with a man 13 years older, now with a man 4 years younger.
Younger is better, at least in my case ;)
I am 7 years older than he - nm
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I'm dating a man 18 years older. If you like him, go for it! :)
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LOL. What a shame, she looks 20 years older
My husband says she looks just like Dolly Parton - and that was NOT a compliment. LOL
5 years younger than DH, although have to act older because he's like a d#@n child...nm
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I have been married almost 20 years
and have a very good relationship with my in-laws. My MIL is not my "best friend" but we are close. It is the little things she does that drive me crazy, but also make me love her as well. DH has 1 sister and she is a wonderful person. We are very different and if we were not related we would most likely not be "good friends" but due to our circumstances we have become very close. We vacation together and if not careful can talk for hours on the phone. I have been very blessed with my family. The same goes for my family, they adore my DH. Have always said "If you two ever divorce, "K" can come home. LOL
I'm not - been married 13 years and still (sm)
act like I'm a visitor who they just allow to hang around. MIL is the queen bee and gets to host every event. On mother's day, she is always the guest of honor, even though I am the one still raising children. So many things I could say..but I'll stop now.
Have been married a little over 20 years and
couldn't be happier. We knew after just a month of dating that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We married a year later and have never had any major problems what-so-ever. We renewed our vows at 10 years (just the two of us at a small chapel) and then at 20 years did the same thing but included our children. This man is truely a gift from God. He does not have a temper, he has incredible patience, and is a wonderful father. I just wished he liked yardwork a little more. LOL!
Married, none in probably 2 years or more. NM
,
we have been married 7 years, together for 12
it hasn't always been like this. I just feel that she does not have to like me, i could care less, but if she is going to come to my house she should at least respect me in my house!!
Been married 29 years..............
First, depends on your hubby. Before your anniversary rolled around, is he the type that typically remembers important dates, i.e., birthdays (your birthday, mom's, dad's, etc.?) If not, then he may just be one of those guys that needs to be "informed" a little before those important dates, so as to refresh his memory.
Any reason to believe he isn't happy married to you? What if he really does have something planned for you and is waiting until after he gets off work? When he comes home, I would see if anything has changed. If you have something to give him, then hand it over and see where it goes from there. Are you planning a nice meal or something special? Even if he just flat out forgot, chances are he is going to feel terrible when you refresh his memory and HE SHOULD! And he should offer to make it up to you.....then I'd let him off the hook....this one time!
Try not to worry all day. I know your feelings are hurt and for good reason but see how things go when he comes homes from work. Just don't completely let him off the hook. If you do now, then he will no doubt continue and I find that disrespectful. Sometimes wives just have to teach their husbands SOME things just will not go unattended!!
19 years, married x 28
x
yep, alive and well. Married almost 29 years now. nm
Ten years difference here, been married
for 7 years, his first and my eeks, 4th but this is the last, I promise...
I've been married 20 years, and
I can usually figure out a way to motivate mine. He does take after his stubborn mother, but ve haff vays, hehehehe.
Happily married for over 20 years.
aklfjlajfljfdlaj
I was married to one for twelve years!
And, yes, I got out. I knew something was very wrong when I was fresh from a sprained ankle, hobbling in the kitchen making lunch on crutches, soothing my hungry 3 year old, and the phone rang. My husband, sitting in the easy chair five feet away from the phone in the living room, yelled for me to pick it up. I blew up, yelled a lot, stormed (as much as I could on crutches) outside. Eventually he came out to berate me, asked me why I was so angry and - would you believe it -
I DIDN'T KNOW !!!.
We still stayed married three years after that, but it gave me the impetus to think. He was (is, I guess) an alcoholic but had stopped drinking by then, and I couldn't figure out why I still didn't like him! Everything was about him. Any argument got turned around so that I was the one being unreasonable. I thank God to this day, twenty-five years later, that He gave me the strength to get out. I've been married, now, for twenty years to a completely different man, and have never had a nanosecond of regret! Life CAN be better! (incidentally, he's been married and divorced twice since us - Just can't seem to figure out what he's doing wrong, I guess).
Have been married to close to 10 years
and what in the world are you talking about that a relationship requires work? My hubby and I really mesh together wonderfully and I work at my job, but at my marriage?? We love each other, respect each other, care about each other and I am puzzled by the having to work at a marriage....What is hard about a marriage?
When I got married the first time (years ago!!) sm
I asked a very close friend that I could not have as a bridesmaid monitor my guest book - and I have no idea what happened to that book!! I would say it was nice that you were asked - it is a little bit of an honor if you will - but this late you are obviously a replacement for someone who may have had an emergency or something - and the bride will jsut have to accept your dress or ask someone else as you are out of town and don't have the time or money to purchase another dress at this point. Tell her thank you - you are honored - but you will have to pass???
Married 23 years. Never an invite to anything from
siblings in-law. DH's three sibs go on vacation together, hang out, etc. MIL has always been a scared little rabbit, afraid of every part of life, and worries that the breeze might change direction, or that the world may come to an end. Both are equally horrendous events in her eyes.
We'd only all get together when I invited anyone over. Now that I've stopped, I never see them. FIL, who was a really nice guy, died last November. I haven't seen any of the sib-in-laws since then. I see MIL when she needs something, because the other three barely pitch to help their old mother. I'm sure that when she dies, we'll never see DH's siblings ever.
We've been married for 22 years and
I've had my own checking account for the last 15. It is so much easier, IMO. In fact, he just recently opened his own separate checking account over the summer. So we have our joint account, which I rarely touch, and we each have our own.
And I agree that Christmas is for everyone. I'm as bad as the kids on Chrismtas Eve, as far as not being able to sleep. It's my favorite holiday. We get to see my whole family and DH's whole family and spend time together. Love it. In fact, it's my year to cook dinner for DH's family and I'm so excited.
I've been married 21 years.
I really think God picked us for each other, and that happiness will not be found with another as long as we both shall live.
It's not that we never squabble or fuss or have the occasional day where we almost pretend the other doesn't exist. But I know that the only other person I could stand to spend this much time with would be my twin sister. These are the only 2 people I can be completely open with, be myself with. When it's good, it's really great.
We have furkids only.
I've been married 13 years and
I would never allow my husband to tell me who I can and cannot see. If I were you, I wouldn't bring it up to him until closer to her visit. As you said, who is he to say where your sister can and cannot go. As the time approaches, a week or so in advance, I would simply tell him that your sis will be in town next week and you are planning on seeing her. If he throws a fit, let him. It seems to me, he gets away with this because you let him.
If the situation arises where he becomes intolerable, perhaps you could spend the night at sis's hotel room catching up. Let him stay home. It's his loss, but it doesn't have to be yours as well.
You've been married 15 years
and you've put up with it for 15 years. There's really no reason for him to change, is there? You've allowed him to do this to you.
Sorry to be so blunt.
No, married 8 years and counting and
my husband has not even raised a finger to me, much less tried to hit me. We have never had an argument, really. I tell him my opinion and he says, don’t I have anything to say in this and I tell him no, my opinion is the only one that counts around here and he says, oh.. That is the end of that, hehe. We are like a couple of love birds. This marriage has been wonderful.
Been married 21 years (soon to be 22). His hug alone rejuvenates me. sm
Being able to carry on a conversation with him is great. Sometimes we are thinking the same thing, and then it just kind of comes out. We smile/laugh and then continue talking about it. We have 3 kids ranging from 10 to 21. We have definitely had our ups and downs (whoa buddy those early years!). I know this will offend some and sorry......... but nothing more fun than when I am cooking dinner (or he is for that matter) and he walks up behind me and grabs me and says I love you (and nope not to have sex..just because). I know to some that is offensive, but I don't look at it that way. We actually decided this weekend to start giving ourselves a couple of hours alone away from the kids. First time in a very long time. We took the kids out to dinner on Valentines as a family and then later we went to another restaurant and just sat in the bar and had 1 margarita each and talked. Thoroughly enjoyed it!
Love can last a very, very long time. Takes a little work, a little patience....and whatever else needs to be thrown in the mix to make it work.
Have a wonderful week everyone!
Met in a bar, married 2 weeks later, 31 years ago.
And still happy for the most part!
I feel the same, though married now 13 years - sm
years ago my DH made me promise to wait until the kids were 18 to remarry. I promised as (1) remarring would not be high on my priority list especially if the kids were young (2) I don't know if I'd want to give up my new found freedom when I do eventually become a widow (in theory, he is 7 years older). We have our ups and downs and I would miss him but I certainly would not be in any hurry to replace him. Funny how most men run out and remarry fast though, and most women don't. I know some women just have to have a man but I think I would be quite content later in life to be on my own.
I used to let it slide, but I've been married 23 years.
Probably about year 5 or so, when we had children and she felt it necessary to comment on my mothering, I finally just gave it right back to her. She has four children, and the only one who turned out well was my husband, and I'm quite sure it's because he spent a lot of time away from home when he was growing up.
She lives just down the street, and now that we know where we stand, we have no problems.
DH and I are polar opposites and married for 24 years.
On our very first date, we went to a party held at the apartment of one of his friends. We got there, and all he wanted to do was sit and watch what was going on. He didn't socialize, barely talked and seemed completely uncomfortable. I was irritated and went off to meet people and dance and have a good time. He took me home, told me he had a nice time (I wondered how), and he kissed me goodnight very sweetly with his thumbs sort of hooked into his pockets like a cowboy. He didn't even embrace me, but somehow he made an impression. To this day, I tell everyone that it was THE worst first date I have ever been on, and yet here we've been married all this time.
At first we tried to compromise and do things together, and just as you say, there was always one of us not really having a good time. We'd both end up resenting each other and would think, "If he/she really loved me, he/she would want to be part of my world and share my interests." My husband is an introvert, but he does have his interests. He's a runner; a serious competitive runner at the age of 50. He's good at it, and he loves it. He's very involved in his track club. I'm proud of him, but for me it's dead boring to drive for hours and then sit next to a track all day waiting for him to run a 2-minute race.
By the same token, I love being outdoors. Hubby is NOT an outdoor kind of guy. He hates camping. I love backpacking. He's afraid to be out of his comfort zone. I like trying new things. He's afraid of animals. I think it's a great day when I see a bear or a snake along the trail.
After a few years of compromising, we just decided to do our own thing and support each other. We don't take long vacations together anymore, but we do get away for romantic weekends or have quiet dates now and then.
What we came to realize is that we see each other every day. We like our home life together. We enjoy that. Our separate interests only take a fraction of our lives together, so we pursue those on our own, then come back and enjoy being together again. On any given weekend, he'll be running somewhere and I'll be hiking somewhere else. On Sunday evening, we're back together again for the rest of the week. Once or twice a year, we go away, but we go to separate places. He may be off running somewhere with his club while I'm home. Another week, he's at home and I'm out hiking on the Appalachian trail. We did this even when our children were small. I have to admit, it's much easier now that the kids are older. This past summer I drove to Wyoming from Philadelphia with our 18 year-old. Hubby didn't want to take that much time from work, but we talked every day, and he was excited to hear about our adventure.
So, even if you don't like the same things, it can be done. You just have to get past the idea that you're "supposed" to be together, or want to be together all the time. That's not necessarily so. I think that doing your own thing and supporting each other in your individuality actually makes each of you more interesting to the other. So, if you like going out with the girls, have fun. Tell him all about it when you get home. If he prefers to stay in and watch a movie, he can tell you about the movie, and when you're done sharing, you snuggle up and say, "I'm so glad we're together again." Enjoy your time together and make the most of that.
Been married 1-1/2 years...still 2-3 times DAILY and still very hot for us...
I dunno....started off just as intense physical attraction, moved to serious feelings, living together, marriage, and we still both want each other 2-3 times a day.
I don't know if we're just really lucky or really just freaks, lol!!!
Years ago when I was still married the same thing happened to me. My
ex husband's friend was cheating on his wife. They used to go to his cabin in the woods where he went deer hunting. This guy would use us an excuse and both he and his mistress would park their cars in our driveway. Used to really get me in a mood when I came home and there was no place to park because they were in our driveway. With me it's all water under the bridge because we have been divorced for many years, but to be honest it was one of the things that did it for me. My husband and I had a very different view on moral issues. Seems the longer I was with him the more apparent that became. I refuse to have that going on in my house. To make matters worse, my ex's friend once divorced and was married again to the same woman, still cheating on her. She is a lovely woman and probably to this day loves him and never found out.
My son married girl 18 years younger..and
it's his third marriage and her second. He is around 18 years older than her. The problems you described started to show up in the second or third year, but they have gotten through that stage and they both now get along good and enjoy each other's differences...each one understanding and respecting the ways of the other and each one changing for the better. THis has been his longest relationship...six years. And they have similar interests and have fun together and are fun to be around.
Same here. Married 25 years and it does not feel like work.
Perhaps we do work at it, and it just doesn't feel like it. But, I also have to say that both my husband and I are very independent, self-confident people. Even when we were dating, we did not feel the need to be with each other 24/7. We have very separate interests and pursue them to the point of even taking separate vacations at times. Early on we saw no reason to "compromise" and be only partially happy with what we were doing. There are certainly things that we enjoy doing together, but just not everything. We also decided early on to compartmentalize our lives and give certainly responsibilities 100% to the other spouse. He handles the money 100%. I handled the kids and the house 100%. That included delegation! So if I needed hubby to pitch in and do laundry, dishes, etc. That would happen. If he needed me to help with something that usually fell under this area of responsibility, I did it. I suppose that part is the compromise, but it doesn't feel like it.
We have friends who have been married just as long as we have, and I don't know how they stand marriage! Everything they do is together. They can't decide on a color of paint for the wall without big discussions. One can't go to bed unless the other is ready for bed, as well. That sort of thing would suffocate me and my husband. I suppose we're well matched, and so we're lucky.
I was married for 13 years and 2 years
after my divorce I met the most incredible man. He was also divorced, we both have 2 kids, and though we are not married, we have been together for 9 years. They are still out there, you may have to go through a few marginal ones before you find him, but they are out there and available.
I'm 36, married 5 years, and still can't decide. I wish I had an answer for ya. But you're
x
Going to be 29 years in May, married as kids(!), it depends on what shifts we are working/overtime,
All in all, three kids later, it is "whenever," sometimes frequent, sometimes just being able to snuggle and be lone together is what we need!
Well I am an aunt and great aunt
I spend a lot of time with my nieces and nephews. Even though divorced still hear from the in-law niece and nephew. I know that they are all different, their likes and dislikes and do something special with them that entails their likes. Not much money but time. Used to do Christmas crafts with them and the older ones over 21 still remember it and the fun we had. Like I have often said it is not the money you spend but the time and knowing that they like, taking an interest in them. When they were little -- especially my great nephews and niece, they would call and say that they needed some "special time" which meant that they wanted time with just them and so no matter what I would have going on I always had them over. I also never broke a promise or a committment to them unless I was on my deathbed and I think that they remember that also. And now that they are older - as am I -- they do more for me -- my 20 year old nephew and his friends took off my paneling and put up sheet rock in my living room, office and kitchen and did not expect pay nothing but lunches and Gator Aid. I tell them aunts are a little special and unique creatures, No matter if a grandparent, foster grandparent, aunt, cousin a lot of these kids just want time spent with them and for you to know them -- it makes them feel special. I am taking my second great nephew to Disneyworld for his graduation -- took his brother to San Francisco. So looking forward to that this summer.
I'm older than dirt, too, and older
than the 2 posters below me.
I remember when gas was $.25 a gallon when I got my driver's license and first car.
The first car my dad had was a LaSalle with running boards. After that, he bought all Hudsons and then Ramblers. He never owned a Chevy.
My first car was a ི Chevy, green and White, that my dad paid $12 for (cost of the tag). My uncle gave it to him and was a stick shift. I never drove an automatic until I was 20 and bought my own car with my own money. I paid $1500 for a ྀ Rambler Classic, 4 door (my first 4 door, too) in turquoise blue. My dad was mad because I didn't pick the Navy blue and white stick shift Rambler because it was cheaper.
My allowance was $1.50 a week and to make money, I chauffered all my friends around plus to school and back for $.25 a week.
And, I just turned another year older on Monday. Ugh! Thank heavens, no one in my family wished me HB. I quit counting 20 years ago. 
You aunt....
It sounds like you have tried very hard to look out for your aunt and what is in her best interest. Maybe now that her son has seen that someone is trying more to care for her, he may be NOW aware of just how much he really needs to be doing for her. Sometimes it's hard for a child to admit their parent has become so disabled that they need to be taken care of the way their parents used to take care of them, EVERYDAY! I hope your aunt can find a nice place where you can visit with her but of course, your aunt will always love her son dearly and just wants to be close to him like any parent. I just hope he realizes that.
Elderly Aunt
Kimmie-
You are being extremely overly sensitive. Your aunt is elderly - have patience. Continue to be kind and forgive her for what you perceive as rudeness. Save the hurt feelings for things that are really important.
Dipper
I would think that your aunt would be proud that
a man who was not a child's biological father would take her, love her and raise as his child, grieve when passes away and refers to her as his daughter. My sister and brother-in-law married when my sister's youngest child was 18 months old. That child is now almost 20 and refers to him as "Dad." Her biological father is alive but the relationship is strained because she had a child out of wedlock. The stepfather, however, loves the child that she had and refers to him as his grandson. 
Your aunt's comment....
''well, the doctors really do not want you to tell them what you think it is or what to do for any ailments.''
I don't understand why you are upset; she was talking about the doctors, not you, and her comment was pretty much right on. Unless I am misunderstanding.
I have some problems, probably fibro or a rheumatoid thing, and am going to doctors now for a workup. I do a LOT of research and I know a lot. But, in my experience so far, if you tell a doctor what you think it is, most will do everything in their power to prove you wrong or will just say no, if they don't think of it first. It's called arrogance and yes a holier than thou attitide.
So I guess I don't understand why this upset you.
What kind of aunt ?
You should have asked my brother about that. He did not talk with me for the last 5 years of his life because I married a black guy. He also decided to keep his children away from me. That was his decision. That was what he wanted. The SIL remarried, took her children away, had no contact with my mother hardly, their maternal grandmother (the mother of her husband, remember), no contact with the great maternal aunt of these children. Now go back and ask again what kind of aunt was I?
My aunt used to vacuum her cats.
She used to vacuum the cats, and they loved it. Plus, it got the dander off.
I thought it was the aunt. I'm confused now.
What did the grandmother do?
My aunt, who is just like my mother, told me
just this past weekend when her son sells his property, she plans to go live close by him and his new wife of about a year. I was kinda taken aback as she is up in years but always, always has been really self-sufficient and wanted to be. She broke her hip a year or so ago, recovered from that but still has slowed her down tremendously. She wants to continue doing her housework, gathering her groceries, etc. while having to use a rolling walker. I visit her out of state at least every 2-3 months and call probably every week. She would be moving to another state but the distance for me to travel to the other 1 is probably about the same distance I travel to see her now. I know in my heart she would never had said nor made this decision had it not been for her feeling the need to do so. My mother, her sister, has been deceased since the early 90s but she has taken me under her wing and now tells others I am her adopted daughter. She is really precious to me and I appreciate her being in my life.
Just read your post and my aunt the other day
was saying exactly what you were saying, was there not a good place that I could go to for a diagnosis on what my problems are. I do not know of a place like this at all. I can self-refer myself to a physician and usually do as I know about as much as the people I run into in the offices. After all my years of typing on all kinds of diseases, treatments and such, I do not need a person say 30 or more years younger than me to explain a diagnosis to me. I am sure I could tell them more than they could tell me. Just went to an urgent care place today for 1 of my problems and refused to weigh- the person taking history said I would have to because they would have to know my weight in order to give medication. I told them most medicines I know come in say 10, 15, 20 mg and I never weigh at any office and I see nephrologist, general, endocrinologist, etc. I refused to weigh, still got to see the physician and guess what, nothing prescribed! I probably have been in the medical field longer than this person on earth. on well, enough venting for the night.
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