Minor regrets
Posted By: Lee on 2007-07-20
In Reply to: But that was something you agreed to (sm) - OP
The only real regret I have is in believing him when he said he was going to "be a father" and stay home every time I tried to regain custody. The younger boy suffered for this because he was left home more often after the older was grown. No, he didn't try to take the kids right away. I think he waited until he saw I was completely overwhelmed with single parenting and then pounced, two years later. I have ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS about leaving him!!! I never would have my 22 year healthy marriage and two kids with my present husband, who is a honey in every way, had I not left.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Wow...you know what? this is one of our more minor issues (sm)
More and more I am realizing I have to get out. I have been talking to an older friend recently who is telling me that I have never really even had a marriage. He has done the e-mail thing for a long time. He sends me a note that says, "Put this on your calendar". No questions asked. And oftentimes, I learn about his future plans through other people, who know before I do!
If a child is a minor, it is the parent's
responsibility to get them to school and make sure they stay there. One mother here in my town had to go and sit with her daughter at school everyday for a while just to be sure she was there.
You're the parent, she's a minor child
This is sadly too common. Your daughter is pushing your bottons in a big way.
I remember being that age and partying it up. One day it just became very boring and that was the end of it. Sadly, many people I knew didn't have it quite that easy.
My first real love and a friend of his were killed from DWI at 19. Not only did they hit a car with a family of 6 (who managed to live), the rest of us had 2 funerals to go to. The priest for my boyfriend's funeral was actually his uncle!
The pattern she displays is not good. Many "good girls" hit this age and venture into situations which they're ill-equipped to handle.
My guess is that she's doing plenty more than she says. It's not that she doesn't love you.
I have no idea how expensive it is to get a drug test done on her hair, but that may be one avenue. Of course, it'd be easy to get hair from a brush, etc. I have no idea how you could get a UDS unless you simply asked her point-blank for one (since she claims she has nothing to hide). I'm just not buying it, I'm sorry to say.
About 2-3 years ago a friend of mine from high school was found dead in her apt. from alcoholism. This was one of the girls who had parties at her house in high school. She didn't even live to see 50 and died alone, sick, and miserable. When I found out from another friend I was surprised at first, but started retracing backwards and it was clear as a bell. Her father was an alcoholic. We didn't realize the significance of alcoholism in previous generations like we do now.
I also agree with another post I read about that this is "your" home, so she needs to abide by your rules. Of course, Dr. Phil says that all the time, too.
I can't have kids, but I remember being one. Speaking of Dr. Phil, maybe you could check his boards, too.
It's so frustrating to get to this point, but just know that many here will support you and offer as much advice as possible, even if it may be from an MT without kids.
Please keep us posted, and best of luck to you.
This is a minor source of contention in my family - sm
My husband and 17 year old daughter love going out to eat, whenever and wherever. I find that most restaurant food is way too gussied up for my tastes and I prefer my own cooking to anyone else's. Not to say that they DON'T like it. I'm a good cook and so is my daugher. To me, I can think of so many better ways to spend the money of a dinner out, one evening of which equals usally about half of our food budget for the week. It's hard to justify that kind of expense just to get out of doing the dishs.
So, in answer to your question, about once every couple of weeks to fast food, once a month or so to Friendly's and only on special occasions to a real nice restaurant.
It may be a minor inconvenience but definitely get your phone number changed.
I went through a similar situation, but the guy I met and went out WITH FRIENDS with only ONCE went nuts on me and did the same thing, calling all hours of the day and night, showing up unannounced, at church when I picked up my daughter from Sunday school, he was sitting in a chair next to her and had no business even being there and didn't even go to my church. I asked the Sunday school teacher about it and she said he said he was my daughters stepfather! I said, no, he is not and he's nuts. I quit going to that church and I really liked that church, but I had to protect myself and my daughter. Finally, when I was at work he broke into my house, broke every pane of glass in all of my family photos hanging on the wall and stole some of my panties from my dresser and there was a note in my underwear drawer and it had the B word written on it. I was scared to death and I called the police and they arrested him. I was so upset that I moved to another city that was still within driving distance of my job, I changed my phone number, and my brother even got me a different car so he wouldn't know I still worked at the same place because he would drive by and see my car. When I got to work every morning, I parked out of sight and came in through the back instead of the front the way I used to. Oh, I also changed my last name to my grandmothers last name.
For the last several years I have lived in another state and am happily married to a very nice man, but I'll never forget that horrible experience in my life.
So what? It's a minor blip in everyday city life.
X
No regrets to any of those.
Now ask me about regrets of letting my ass get as wide as it is or not getting braces when I was younger...or not becoming a pilot, or choosing the right Powerball numbers, or not being the inventor of the wheel....
regrets
I don't regret my first marriage or my 3 children through that marriage. They have brought me more joy than I ever imagined possible (I am blessed with great kids). I do regret that divorce though I had no control over it.
I do regret my 2nd marriage(a very short one) - and don't regret that divorce which I initiated. You live and learn I guess. I think at 49 I'm finally starting to get it right. 
not really regrets, but
I can see how much easier my life could have been had I chosen to get married a little later in life (I got married at 18), after having some independence first. I also think it could have been easier if I had chosen to have kids about 5 years or so later (waited nearly 5 years). Then again, I'm so glad all 3 of my kids have been sleeping through the night since I was about 29 years old. I don't know how those who have children later tolerate that part of it. I love my uninterrupted sleep.
Overall, though, I am blessed with 3 great kids and a husband of nearly 21 years. It has been very, very tough, but no regrets. :)
No Regrets At All
I didn't get married until I was 30 and had my last child (2nd) at 41. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I'm very happy with my life,my husband and my daughters. It's sad that some people regret getting married and/or having children, although I don't know everyone's circumstances and I don't judge others because of that.
Regrets...
I guess I would say I regret my first marriage (I very young, we had 2 children, but he was a wife beater) but my kids would not be here if not for him...I regret my very short 2nd marriage (very nice guy, handsome, had a great job) he deserved someone better than me, he smothered me too much with love and I could not handle it...but then I would never have met husband # 3 who is wonderful, all that #2 was and more, but I am older and wiser now...this is it, no more husbands for me!
Regrets
Dum-Dum - What a wonderful philosophy! I'm struggling to get to that point myself. I went through two marriages/divorces with the same person - if anything, I regret taking so long to realize he simply cannot be the man I need - not won't, can't. I don't regret having my children, even though my youngest (the one I thought would be closest to me throughout life as she was in childhood) doesn't even acknowledge me now. I'm alone now - by choice - but I'm trying to have faith that doesn't necessarily have to be my situation for the rest of my life.
Adult photos are legal. FBI stepped in because the sicko had pics of a minor.
x
Absolutely no regrets! sm
My hubby and I have been married almost 20 years. We married when I was 20 and he 22. I look back now and think how young we were (our kids are 14 and 16)definitely no regrets there, but if either comes to me at the age of 20 saying they want to get married I will say No way in He!!. Not becuase mine is bad, actucally quite wonderful, but I now know the importance of getting an good education. I do regret not going to college.
Any regrets leaving the Q?
They're getting on my last nerve, but there are those that say that being an MT is pretty much the same everywhere. I hope not; I'm tired of having multiple different hospitals during each shift.
No regrets whatsoever..sm
only wish I could have had it done 5-6 years sooner!
No regrets, chalk all up to experience. :-) (nm)
x
Add one more "no regrets" to your list
My fibroids started to grow when I got pregnant and six months after I gave birth they were still huge (about the same size as yours - my doc said my uterus was about 16-week size). I had my hysterectomy at 34 and it was one of the best things I've ever done, health-wise. I had horrible periods since high school. I remember my mom picking me up from school and having to pull over to the side of the road so I could throw up.
Good luck to you. The main advice I would give is make sure you rest the FULL time your doc recommends. My incision actually wasn't that painful until I tried to do too much and pulled a muscle in it. Yeeeeouch!
So rest, take care, and you should be fine!
My best friend really regrets her dentures
She got them at age 45 - finds they feel too big for her mouth - triggering her gag reflex constantly. She had difficulty learning to eat with them - so she takes them out and hides when she eats so nobody will see her, and has had to radically alter what she eats. She told me it was the worst mistake she ever made in her life.
My cousin, on the other hand, loves hers and wishes she would have got them years ago. She was in constant pain and now is not.
Whatever you decide - good luck!
A very good friend of mine had ablation and no regrets.
She has no more periods. This is just a little over a year, and she was having very serious problems, had to have transfusion twice due to the heavy bleeds prior. She was willing to try this before hysterectomy, and it worked for her.
|
