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Medicare questions for helping my relative

Posted By: Needing guidance on 2009-03-01
In Reply to:

I have a relative who wants to live alone although she really needs some basic care such as grocery buying, food prepared, light cleaning in her home, going to doctors appointments, the very basics of everyday life. I will be able to pay through her bank what she needs for lights, cable and things like that (she has gotten to where she cannot make out a check because of tremors in her hands). She went to live with another relative and it has not worked out at all. She has been on her own for years and wants to be that way again as much as possible. Is there anyone out there who knows what Medicare does to help out the elderly and give me any information you might have.

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Medicare questions for helping my relative - Needing guidance
- Medicare help - Happy MT Robin
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You should ask Medicare or

Social Security.

Medicare help

http://www.medicareinteractive.org/?gclid=CKeBlLiPg5kCFRk_awodfBjMnA

Medicare is such a morass of regulations and can dos and can't dos, it's scary. I found the above site, which seems to be pretty helpful.

I think this entry addresses what you're looking for. Medicare has limited options, but you should also look into Medicaid, which is administered through your state.

http://www.medicareinteractive.org/page2.php?topic=counselor&page=script&slide_id=138

My medicare will kick in before
hubbys, born in the 40s mine starts at age 67. He does not get Medicare when I do, only if he were retired and/or health issues were such that he was unable to work. If you go on dialysis no matter the age, you automatically are put on Medicare but just because a husband retires or vice versa does not benefit the other spouse.

Medicare is first insurance
Any of the insurance plans I have seen only go to age 65 even if you are working. They might work hand in hand with Medicare as your supplement but this is often expensive unles your employer continues to pay for it. They will use Medicare as the primary and your other insurance as the secondary.

Medicare people - Have great insurance now- do I have to
take Medicare exclusively once I reach retirement age? My husband is younger and I hope to continue to work past retirement age myself (hoping to drop at my desk, so to speak) but his is great because union- he pays nothing for his insurance and all medically related issues are really dirt cheap for us. I would love to be able to stay on his insurance without Medicare- is this allowed?

Am I wrong? I always thought that Medicare and Medaid is only
for retired people?
Who qualifies?
Thanks.

Medicaid for poorer folks, Medicare for retirees
But no matter your age if the person is on dialysis you are automatically put on Medicare.

I have a question about Social Security and Medicare for people who don't work (sm)

My SIL has worked exactly 3 (count them) 3 months in her entire lazy life. They took bankruptcy a couple of years ago, of course she wasn't going to go to work and help out then because she said "it's not my fault we are in this mess." Now my brother is coming up to within 10 years of retirement and actually has problems with arthritis that may cause him to have to retire sooner. She insists that she should be given a social security check when she "retires" and that she should be eligible for medicare when my brother retires. She is several years younger than him and I tried to tell her she will have to get out and get private insurance for herself until she is of age. She insists the government "owes this to her". I would like to string her up to the highest tree, but I am told that is illegal also.

Am I crazy? She certainly can't be put on Medicare just because her husband is eligible can she?

I think she just figures she will either live on his SS benefits or kill him off with the side jobs in addition to his FT job he has been trying to do to keep her in the style she wants to become accustomed and then be eligible for widow's benefits.

I guess I really don't understand the SS and Medicare issues, just hoping someone could shed some light on this.

She simply REFUSES to work regardless of how much they have needed the money and/or benefits. Can't watch your soaps if you work all day and that is very important to her. GRRRR. Sorry to vent. Will go mind my own business now.

I thought Medicare started at age 65 no matter what year you were born.
At least that's how I understood what I read on the Medicare web site. Sure hope I'm not mistaken.

Well, VR is helping to pay
my bills so if I have to change mistakes that VR makes, so be it. Dictators make mistakes when dictating and guess what, you still have to change it....

LOL It went well. Thank you to everyone for helping!
I felt bad because none of the friends or extended family that she invited showed up. They all called to cancel.

We did not have leftover Turkey but plenty of desert and rolls. She bought 45 dinner rolls?! I think some of you are right that this is the beginning of sundowning for them. I will have to explain this to my husband because he just thinks they are losing their minds. I heard from another family member that MIL has a stash of a case candy bars in her closet and yesterday she went in the bedroom for cookie sheets to put the biscuits on. A little odd, especially being that they have extra storage area in the basement.

I think FIL took it as it was just that much less food that cost him money because he was so happy that I brought as much food as I did and kept saying how much he loved the veggie tray, etc. I think MIL was a little miffed when I got there because she didn't have room in her oven for the sides that I brought (or hers) because the single turkey breast was in the oven. There was enough room, she just didn't want to use the second rack in the oven for some reason. She didn't like my suggestion that if it was cooked to take it out of the oven and cover with foil and it would stay hot for 20 minutes while everything else finished. Luckily my BIL (who loves to cook) was there and he agreed with me and stepped in to help her out. You know I get the look like "stay the heck out of my kitchen and keep your opinion to your self" and afterwards he gets the look of "You have always been my favorite child, thank you" LOL But I understand things are different with moms and their own kids versus the spouse, especially with females.

So overall it turned out well and everyone had plenty to eat. We didn't have to run out for burgers or home for dinner.

Have a relative who does this
but she has never really talked much about it, she left her job when she had a child and wanted some type of work from home, but last I heard she had taken in babysitting, I would assume the $40,000 a year (ha ha)that you hear about was not to be. I think the most you can hope for is a few free meals and a couple of bucks for spending money, not any kind of real income to live on.

I have a relative who......sm
It is an antidepressant but as with a lot of antidepressants, it can help with pain. People who have chronic pain tend to get depressed from the chronic pain, or they have depression, which causes them to feel more aches and pains. Either way, Cymbalta is suppose to be better in helping the individual deal with their pain better, but how much I suppose depends on the person taking it. They haven't been on it long, so not sure of the effect yet. Hope this helps.

it's all relative

I was telling my girlfriend I could use one of the smaller hand held baskets in the grocery now and still spend the same amount I bought in the regular grocery cart and she said, "Oh yeah, well I just spent the same amount filling up the lawnmower that I used to spend filling up my truck"!

What to do about the relative who - sm
Brings 2 pies to a holiday feast but asks for and expects to take home half (and I do mean HALF) the leftovers. I have let them do this for a few years now to save the embarrassment of telling someone they cannot have food to take home, but I am about at my limit this year. Let me add they have never invited me to their house for a huge holiday meal and seem to find relatives to eat with every holiday out of the year. Is there something I could say that would not come off mean but that maybe, just maybe WE want the leftovers ourselves to be free from cooking for a day or two?

yes, it is relative to you. But this still does not
make her beautiful and elegant.

You are a power of example by helping sm
When I was younger, I would not only cry, sometimes I would not attend or attend and not sleep for days. I think being in the MT business made me realize how short life is. I am amazed that now I look at death in a different way. I cannot believe how I have changed. Most of my friends were brought up to wear black, look sad, cry a lot. I was brought up to avoid it, stay away from wakes and funerals; so could not handle it. Thanks to transcribing so many autopsies, horrible situations, illnesses, educational seminars on death and dying, etc., I am finally able to celebrate life. I do have others now not understanding why I do not cry. It's a miracle to me that I don't have to act that way anymore. I think with age and experience, I have matured. I have a friend who barely worked outside the home. Her Mom died in July and she did not put up a tree, send cards, etc., this Christmas as she is still in mourning officially. I lost my younger sister, put an angel out front, white lights, etc. I did the same for my parents, lots of white lights. I do believe now in celebrating life. I spent the days before my father's funeral preparing a "program" for his funeral which was beautiful. I included my whole family in the funeral, chose the music, etc. This would not have been possible in my younger years. My SIL was confrontational when she saw me at work during the time we were awaiting the funeral (it was over a holiday). I told her I was t preparing for the funeral. There will be some whose family tradition is to cry, wear black, shut out the whole world for 30 days, that's their way. I am so happy that I now have a (what I consider) healthier attitude toward death. I cannot believe the change in my attitude. Perhaps we all celebrate life differently. I, for one, am happy I look at things differently. When people cry, mourn, carry on, it's probably their tradition and it will continue as this is what they are used to. They are not wrong to do so. My DIL's family all wear solid black and God forbid anyone even wear a white blouse to a funeral, it is considered disrespectful! All I know is, I love the new me, I am much happier today now that I have a different attitude. I hope people celebrate my life, not stop living. I am writing my own obit, short and sweet and will probably plan my own funeral instead of leaving that task to my kids. I celebrate the life and spirt left behind, but do not disrespect those who continue to wear black and cry, as that's the only way they know how to mourn and it's not wrong. We're all different, it takes time and sometimes traditions will never change in some cultures, they are entitled to their actions and opinions, it took me a long time to change but I am much healthier and happier now. All of this is IMHO, of course. You are doing your best in your own way, good job, we need the "doers" in times of grief as well as the mourners. I would rather be a doer and feel better "doing."

Oh, thank you for helping those dogs
get home. I'm sure they had a wonderful romp, and I'm glad they didn't get hurt. They are really smart dogs. Mine got loose many times without somebody breaking into my house!

I now work at a perennial plant nursery. I am an inventory control specialist, and it involves a lot of physical labor, which I am loving. I feel so much better than when I was locked in a chair all day. So far this company is doing okay financially, but not great with the economy. Last year was tough because of drought, and this year there was plenty of rain, so we had hoped for a great year until the economy went in the toilet. Many companies like this are going bankrupt, but so far we are okay, but no raises this year.

maybe a close relative the pet knows?
nm

Bailed relative out
He was sinking deeper and deeper. Getting pay day loan from one place to pay off pay day loan for another place. We finally bailed him out ONLY because I kept a strict eye on his finances, wrote out the envelopes, told him on what day to send what payment, etc. Before I agreed to bail him out I wanted to know what he got paid (take home), what his bills were, etc. He was getting paid enough to pay his bills and have some money left over even after paying me a certain amount each month (he owed me $1800). I said it would take awhile but I didn't want him to be strapped and I told him I was allotting him money to do some "fun" stuff (the guy is 48 years old going on 12). Anyway...after about 2 months the little "you know what" decided to quit his job because one of his "you know what" friends told him he could collect more money through unemployment. Also he was tired of taking the bus to work and having to sit and listen to people and he couldn't sleep on the way to work...the poor baby! So instead he doesn't get rid of the car we told him to get rid of cos he couldn't afford gas and was driving around with no insurance. But he didn't do what we told him to, he quit his job and didn't tell us, and then when I called there they told me he quit 2 months earlier. Talk about being quite a bit "peturbed". I told him I spent at least 2 weeks figuring out his budget and he didn't have the decency to tell me he quit. So, blah, blah, blah 4 years later and he has paid me back $700. I told him if he had held onto his job he would have paid me back and if he saved any of the extra cash coming in he would have at least 25K in a savings account now. Sure wished I listened to the advice my grandfather told me growing up when he wouldn't lend me money to buy a car. He told me - never lend relatives money because they won't pay it back. Talk about hard lessons learned. - oh sorry...that was a totally different rant. I wish all those payday loan places would be shut down. They pray on the needy and people will never get out of it unless they go "cold turkey". Don't know how many times we told brother-in-law he needs to do without something, but he never listens...always self gratification and forget everyone else....oops...sorry again....another rant. P.S. We don't talk to relative very much anymore

Which relative tortures you the most?
I believe the men will be found innocent in this survey........

Relative newlywed
A little over 2 years and still feels like the honeymoon period. We got along fabulously before and still do.

I think we get along so well due to mutual respect and consideration. In fact we're so considerate of each other a few of our friends say we're 'sickening,' lol!

I figure as long as we don't veer off course in this area, we're good to go pretty much for a few decades.

Helping kids, see inside
I bought my daughter her first car, something old, sound, reliable and safe, nothing snazzy, she paid her own insurance as she was in college and worked parttime. When that car went, I helped her get her next, took her to my dealer, we picked out something reliable, nothing sporty, I gave her the down payment and co-signed and she made her payments and paid her own insurance. Her college was a commute, not roads I would want her biclying or skateboarding on. When she was older, done with school, still with the parttime job, but actively seeking fulltime, she found a sporty car she wanted and I told her this time, she was on her own. In 1999, she got brand new car (at a much younger than I did), she paid it off early, she is now married, 31, has a house, working a good job and also working on making a family. I think little help can go a long way. I for one, am pround of her.

My dream would be a weekend of him helping (sm)
When he and I and the kids all work on getting everything back in order. But he would be angry the whole time, as if he shouldn't have to be doing it. I may end up hiring someone. I have thought about it all day. It would be worth it!

Of course it is!!! Makeup is for helping people
nm

Glad yours are helping.....my computer
xx

If he starts by helping himself, I will jump in. He saw
x

Any suggestions on helping my puppy with

let to be held.

Agree, you need a helping hand

When my sister had her first baby, she became overwhelmed quickly. You sound similar to how she was feeling. So my mom and I started helping her out here and there, going over and staying with my nephew so she could leave the house for a couple hours, even if it was to grocery shop or run errands, just so she could get out alone. Or we'd go get him and take him to our house for a couple hours, with instructions to her to TAKE A NAP or read a book, or something relaxing. If you have family or friends willing to help out, take them up on it. They wouldn't volunteer if they didn't want to do it.

My sister's husband was helping out too, but he worked a lot of hours, 6 days a week. In my sister's case, she was very independent and used to doing what she wanted when she wanted before the baby and I think that was part of what overwhelmed her, the feeling that she couldn't just pick up her purse and go somewhere as easily as before. Good luck. This will pass, don't be so hard on yourself.

Agree, you need a helping hand

I have a relative who has a wealth of knowledge
and was telling her about the posts on this board, namely this thread. She tells me she got a high school graduation and later baby shower invite from her great niece- this person never called, never wrote- my relative said they went in the garbage. She and I are on the same page. BTW, I have gotten late calls on days, like Mothers Day, Thanksgiving- etc. from people and I, like you, think after thought.

No, I do not do this all the time. I have a relative coming from out sm
of town to visit. That's all.

Abe Lincoln is a distant relative
My children are direct descendants of Abraham Lincoln. Their father did all of the geneaology for his family and they traced it back to Abe Lincoln and his descendants, and my son was born on Abe Lincoln's birthday!

Anyone else have The Food Poisoning Relative

My sister-in-law has very long artificial nails which accumulate a lot of raw meat underneath them when she cooks I always get the crud. I try to warn the kids when she cooks breakfast to stick to the cold cereal!

JAN--A SISTER-IN-LAW IS NOT A BLOOD RELATIVE.
Did that tell her?

Pushy relative question
I have an aunt who lives across the country from me who I am pretty close to. She is my only family that I still speak with. (We basically mutually disbanded. It was for the better.) When I was in my late teens and early 20s, she was there for me when no one else was. I appreciate that and am very grateful. The problem is that now I am 37, am married and have 2 children. She hates my husband and my husband hates her. She has no children of her own and can be very bossy, pushy, rude, inconsiderate, condiscending (sp?) etc. Every time she comes for a visit or goes anywhere really, all she does is complain how it is not up to her standards somehow and she was slighted and wronged by someone. She has a terrible relationship with her husband's kids because of all the things I previously mentioned. Every time she comes and visits, my husband leaves "on buisness" because he can't stand to be around her. I don't mind because they will come to blows after a while together because he won't tolerate her BS. I have flat out told her that my husband does not like to have house guests overnight. He has offered to pay for her hotel room, but she insists that she stays with us. She has plenty of money (She's a millionaire.), but now again is insisting on coming to or house this year. I get so stressed out every time she comes. it makes me sick to my stomach. Any advice on how to deal with this. I hate to sound as if I don't love her, because I do, in spite of her shortcomings, which I realize we all have. Why won't she just stay in the nice hotel 3 minutes from my house?

was wondering about you....glad you're helping yourself
nm

Well you are really not helping matters or having people side with you
when you keep bragging about how wonderful your kids are and family your family is, lol.. and assuming everyone else's is all screwed up. You know what they say.....usually one who accuses is the one with the problems. People who truly have a wonderful family life and great kids do not usually have a need to keep reaffirming and reassuring everyone of that fact ; )

I think maybe the boy sucked out some of your sanity...

:)

Prime example of "when helping harms".

Like the previous poster, as a dog lover, I am appalled that they would use this animal. Are you positive the dog even had surgery and if so, what kind just out of curiosity. Are you sure your money went to that. I also find it odd that the dog would still be in so much pain several months later. Are you sure the dude is not taking the meds himself? It happens. Desparate times call for desparate measures. I would just explain to her either on the phone, email or write her that while you value your friendship with her, you feel that you have gone beyond the call of friendship here and that you can not longer provide funding for the dog's care (or her son's drug habit). Technically, by not taking care of his responsibilities himself this is allowing him to take what money he should be using on the dog and spend this on drugs. Therefore, yes, making you an enabler as well. Just like they do on the show "Intervention". You have to quit giving in. Tell her that if she is not able to care for the dog that you will be glad to find or help her find a home for it, but that you no longer can afford financially and consciously to keep sending money. Just validate your friendship. If she is a true friend she will understand this. She might need more encouragement to break away from enabling him. It is hard to do. Trust me I have siblings that are addicted and we have had to just cut them off, especially after loosing another sibling only 5mos. earlier for same reason. This is one of those times "when helping harms". Attached is a great site to give you a little reassurance. Might send this to her as well. Good luck. Try to get the dog out if you can, that may be impossible though. If you think that without your care it is being abused, please report it to thier local animal society or animal control. This can be done anonymously.

your Trailer Park attitude is probably not helping
nm

My husband was doing me a "favor" by helping me hunt down
a new ergonomic keyboard a few years ago and he called our local Office Depot... Asked the person on the other end if they had any erogenous keyboards.

I was choking back the laughter and trying to get his attention to correct him but he's the kind of guy that HATES to be interrupted for ANYTHING so he held up his hand to me and gave me a dirty look, then repeated the question to the person on the other end who was no doubt having a fit of laughter themselves, transferred him to another department, where he repeated the question AGAIN.

By this time, I could not control myself any longer. I was laughing hysterically and he finally hung up the phone because he was mad at me. Then I explained to him what he was asking for and he was really mad.

I just said, aren't you glad they didn't say that they had some and you reserved one to be picked up later today?

I could just see him walking to the service counter to pick up the "erogenous keyboard" he had set aside! LOL

What is considered appropriate if a neighbor's relative passes away. SM
My neighbor's uncle passed away. She and I are friends, but not best friends, we basically see each other every day as we walk our dogs and we talk every day. Her uncle just passed away and I was unable to go to the wake. The funeral is today, but I cannot go to that either. What is the appropriate thing to do here, a card, flowers, what? Any ideas would be appreciated. Thanks.

I guess inexpensive is relative to the area...
I live in the SF Bay area where EVERYTHING is crazy expensive! She charges about 40% less than the going rate for someone at a comparable salon. It's probably more expensive than usual too because I have dark, dark hair that is overall highlighted to make it all blond. I guess that's probably more expensive than just a plain color job.

Anyway, thanks for your opinion!!!

Here's another shot that shows his relative size.
Yes, he is missing his tail. This species uses the tail as a single-use defense mechanism (where, when threatened by a predator, the lizard goes one way and the tail goes the other), and it does not grow back, unlike some other species.

I can type 95 wpm, am a distant relative of Shirley Temple.
//

Can anyone tell Jan a sister-in-law is not family as far as blood relative, my goodness!
Her children, the children of my brother, would have been heirs BUT Jan, you need to understand TVA which is a huge place, never found them and took a year trying to do so. I never knew this money was there, never had anything to do with obtaining the money up front, nothing. TVA contacted me. I had to get death certificates which I was questioned about being as it was my stepmom and the dept wanted to know WHY I wanted that. I got her death certificate, the death certificate of my brother, the names- do you realize that I had to have this all notarized as to telling the truth. I do not now nor have I in the past years since 1973 had AN ADDRESS FOR THE SIL AND HER CHILDREN, MY NIECE AND NEPHEW. This has been 36 YEARS AND NO ADDRESSES. If the TVA (Tennessee Valley Authority) could not find, how was I supposed to find? You want me to hire a detective on my MT salary and go hunting is that right? You want me to take off from work and go to another state and look for someone when I have NO ADDRESSES in 36 YEARS and I might find? I probably would not have a job when I got back as even taking off long enough for a doctor's appt is frowned upon but you want me just to leave my home and look for persons I have no contact with. Do you understand how you sound? Why can you not get off this soap box and put more attention on your own affairs, that is the money your sister is getting off your mother. I understand where you are coming from but this has been settled now at least 3-4 years. I have stolen from no one. I did get 1 phone call after my father's funeral (remember those same kids you have said I stole from that did not show up at the funeral home nor funeral, they must have really cared about their g'father) and after about a week the SIL called to see what kind of money had been left to her son, my nephew. She was able to call because he wanted to see what he had coming to him. Don't give a flip about g'father, only the money he might have for you. None was there then. Take a rest, ok?

I've decided to start a cookie business! Anyone up for helping me out with a name?
I know with the economy and all, it's probably not a good time to open a new business, but I've been thinking about this for years and just want to do it anyway and very happy and excited about it!

So, some words I've been playing around with are yummy, goodies, goodness, sweets, comfort, cookies ... but nothing is really grabbing me. I've even tried to think of ideas without those type of words above, such as "Big D's" or whatever.

If anyone has any good ideas, I'd love to hear them!

What price range? I recently made a slide show for a relative (sm)
from their old photos

Questions

I have breastfed and am currently breast feeding and would like to ask you

If you were on the air plan which would you prefer the mother breastfeeding her child to comfort and keep him/her quiet in this cramped uncomfortable environment or to listen to this child scream bloody murder making your trip totally unbearable????

Some thoughts:

Children that young dont know how to clear their ears when changing altitudes and it easier to either have them sleeping or sucking.

Also some young children that are breastfed refuse bottles completely.

Older babies do not like to have their faces covered while eating they want to see their mommy and surroundings.

Personally:

I am the mother of a ten month old that will be flying (on a long flight) for the first time next month. I plan on breastfeeding him if needed and if I do need to I will have my older daughter there to hold a small blanket up as a sort of shielding wall. I am more than ready to be done breastfeeding and am working very hard to get him there as well but because his schedule doesnt agree with mine I dont think that I should be barred from traveling on a plane and I think the other passengers on the plane would prefer I comfort my child to the best of my ability so that they can try and enjoy their trip as well.

The sucky part about is I will be on the mentioned airlines soooooo may be my son wont get to meet his grandparent for the first time because my child comes first always!!!! Take care everyone and enjoy your holidays I am climbing off my soap box now

you need to ask yourself 2 questions sm
1. Can the bridesmaids comfortably wear a strapless dress (not everybody can)?
2. Do the shoulders need to be covered if the wedding is in a church?

I'd choose number 2.