Maybe joint counseling with his therapist for starters since his meds don't seem to be working. A
Posted By: you sure he takes them? nm on 2007-03-08
In Reply to: I feel like a loser - sm.
s
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- I feel like a loser - sm.
- Maybe joint counseling with his therapist for starters since his meds don't seem to be working. A - you sure he takes them? nm
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I've been working with a therapist for over 6 months
about her tendency to sympathize or empathize with me the way a friend would - like rolling her eyes if I complain about something, or laughing about the same thing I'm saying is ridiculous.
I realize she's probably trying to create the 'therapeutic alliance' and a comfortable atmosphere. But I'm suddenly really troubled that I'm paying money I can barely afford for someone to act basically like a friend. Last week I said I worked in a horrible, tacky part of city and she said "That area really is awful."
Later I wondered, why didn't she remain neutral and maybe point out that I see all neighborhoods I have to work in as hideous, depriving landscapes? That maybe it isn't a rational perception?
Do you think I'm right to mistrust this approach?
For starters, I think you need to (sm)
RUN, don't walk, away from this PsyD. Do the math - your daughter is 16 and 18 is around the corner? She wants you to go "slow and nice." You simply do not have the time for slow and nice. Your daughter's safety and your sanity is at risk here. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are running out of time.
See, I can say this because I was once in your shoes, although I wasn't as "nice" as you seem to be. I also had a few more years to work on it - yes, I said years. You are not going to undo this in a matter of months, trust me.
Do you have any Tough Love chapters in your area? If so, contact them ASAP. You are in for the ride of your life. I think you have to first step back and realize your daughter is playing you like a fiddle. She can anticipate your move by her behavior. That is the control you MUST take back. So she wants to leave? Have you offered her a ride? I agree with the other poster (?Linda) - you leave with the clothes on your back, not with what I have purchased with my hard earned money. You're old enough to be on your own, you need to find a way to support and clothe yourself.
She's 16 - does she work? If not, who is paying that cell phone bill? If you are, I believe that phone belongs in YOUR possession.
You really need to sit down and realize that right now your ONLY obligation to her is to do your best to make sure she is safe. You may not like being called names, etc., and try to ration with her about this, but you know what? Very simple - you home, your rules. She does not have the right to speak to you under the roof you pay for.
I know it breaks your heart that she's not the "sweet" little girl that you once knew. Right now those days are gone. I can assure you though, if you'd give up trying to be her friend right now and be her mother in a few years she will thank you. Yes, I said thank you.
Do you have a juvenile officer in town? Maybe you need to speak with him/her. I'm sure you don't want everyone knowing your business, but I assure you - you'd rather this than get that call in the middle of night because she's hurt in a hospital some wear.
Definitely hook up with Tough Love - at the very least buy the book. You are going to need support for YOU. Eventually this will invade your marriage if you continue on the path you're already going down.
First order of the day - TAKE BACK CONTROL. No more "you can't say mean things to me," but rather I will not tolerate that language in my home. Take baby steps to regain your footing. She needs to know who is in charge and believe it or not, way deep down she may even be craving this - an adult to guide her.
I wish I could give you a (((BIG HUG))) because I know exactly what you are feeling. I don't know if I'd have the energy to go through it again. If handled correctly though, you and your daughter can become friends again in a couple of years. Right now she needs a mother and consistency.
Good luck and keep us posted!
CMC JOINT REPAIR
HAS ANYONE HAD A CMC JOINT REPAIR WITH COSTOCHONDRAL CARTILAGE AND TENDON ANCHORING? MY DOCTOR SAYS I NEED THIS FOR MY ARTHRITIS, ETC.. AM CURIOUS IF ANYONE HAS ANY INFORMATION FOR ME? FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME.
*Edited by moderator: No Phone numbers allowed*
THANKS
they have joint custody w/dad being primary...
Please, open your mind - occasionally there ARE extenuating circumstances, you know?!
I have joint custody w/ dad being primary
Am I a deadbeat mom as well?!
This was agreed upon by both dad and I .. Child lives out of state, I get all holidays and summers....
Just because no support is being paid doesnt mean the person is a deadbeat .. every situation is DIFFERENT....
Why does everyone think negative?!
Joint and muscle owies almost gone
I use Ultram 50 mg two tabs 3xd and Neurontin 600 mg 3xd.
Joint, arm, let's see I would rather not have a portion of my arm or the whole thing, really, I d
I would like my body to be whole like God intended it to be no matter what, so Yes.
I loved my speech therapist.
I stuttered when I was a kid. I *loved* my speech therapist! Once I won a tiny stuffed penguin from an game in the grocery store. I just had to give it to her.
On my my last day of therapy she gave me a *huge* stuffed penguin! :)
In addition to a gift card or whatever you decide, have your son make a card for her. You could also write a letter to her supervisor about her work with your son.
I think that is an awesome idea for a speach therapist! NM
NM
Have you spoken with a counselor, therapist, or your minister?
It would probably help if you could express your feelings out loud and get some feedback from someone who is trained to deal with emotional dilemmas like you are experiencing. I would strongly encourage it, especially since you have had thoughts of suicide.
Sometimes it takes a little while to find the right "fit" in a therapist or counselor. If the first one doesn't seem to be helping, try someone else.
I had similar feelings when my son was finishing up high school and getting ready to go on to college. The so-called "empty nest syndrome," I guess. But there are a lot of components to it. It's like redefining yourself as a person, because for so long you have been meeting everyone else's needs, and now you are starting to realize that you have needs of your own.
So what you need to figure out is what fulfills you as a person. What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Literally. Five years from now, what would you like to be doing? When you figure that out, start figuring out how to make it happen.
The best of luck to you, and please feel free to email me if you like. I'm still working on some aspects of my "mid-life crisis," but I have worked through a lot of it. I would be happy to provide a sympathetic ear. 
Sounds like you found a good therapist sm
we went through a horrible spell last year - daughter 17 wanted to get married a month before she turned 18, my husband supported this idea - she just graduated in May, no job, no license, no means of support and husband to be was just graduating, etc. They are good kids but very young. Husband supported her all the way and I was the bad guy for making her think things through hoping she would slow down a bit, etc. Therapist made her dad get more involved but they did marry and now she rarely if ever speaks to me - she looks at me as nonsupportive. Does not matter I busted my butt to see she had the wedding she wanted,etc. I'm just numb at this point with her - she'll come around some day. In the mean time the ocnflicts between me and DH have stopped but his nonsupport will hurt for a logn time also. I believe parents should always be a team.
I think you do have to go all out. A therapist and drug screen would be first priority nm
x
Looking for gift ideas for massage therapist and hairdresser -
I see the massage therapist every week (my treat to myself!) and the hairdresser about every 6 weeks for a cut. I really want them to know how important they are to my well-being, especially my massage therapist. You all have the best ideas. Thank you so much! 
Definitely go to counseling!
It worked for my husband and me. I was the one who cheated, ONCE, so the person who says once a cheater always a cheater does not know what they are talking about. Our marriage had been neglected, as it sounds yours has been. Do not give up until you first try counseling. You have to really work at it, but it can be done. We have been married for 25 years now. Good luck to you.
Counseling.
x
counseling
It sounds to me that he is putting on an everything-is-normal face for you with the excited talk of the future but this is how he really feels. I'd try to get him to go to a psychiatrist (so he can be prescribed an antidepressant if he needs it) and let him know that he can go in without you and keep it private, as obviously he doesn't want to talk to you about these feelings. If he knows it is just between him and the psychiatrist then he may be more willing. If he won't go for that maybe at least try taking him to his pediatrician for a trial of an antidepressant just to see how it helps his mood. He may not even need medication but just someone to talk things out. There are also teen suicide lines where then can just talk. He seem like he wants to deal with this privately (to the point of denial) so maybe you can help him get private help.
counseling?
Is the child in any counseling? I have a stepson as well who is (not to this extreme) but has battled with not wanting to eat. We were told it was likely the only thing in his life he could "control" and that's why he did it. He has been in counseling since a young age (court mandated because his mother refused). It has done him a world of good. If nothing else, he always knows he has someone to talk to about anything and not have fear of getting in trouble or embarrassed.
And you need counseling.
dd
Don't worry, after they have counseling
as adults and realize what they went through they will resent her for it and she'll learn the hard way. Happens all the time.
been there, felt that, got counseling
We had been married about 15 years when I began to feel that way about my husband. We do not have kids, so let me tell you that I had little motivation to even want to try to work on things. Hubby suggested counseling (both group and just the two of us). After about a month of this and reading a few books at home I felt 100% better and those feelings of nearly hating him for no apparent reason went away. We worked hard on communication, which we had let slip over the years, during which time I harbored all kinds of hurts and resentments for things he had no clue were even making me upset, mad, disgusted, you name it. We will be celebrating our 24th anniversary this year and cannot be happier, so it CAN be done with hard work. You have first got to put your relationship as priority 1! Please do not just walk away without first trying everything you can!
Have you tried marriage counseling?
Would your husband be willing to go to counseling? My marriage has been very rocky, and there have been times when my husband and I separated and I really didn't think there was a chance we would get back together. We tried several marriage counselors before we found the one who worked for us. But now - after 27 years - our marriage is finally a happy one, and has been for the last 6-7 years.
But it definitely takes two. If your husband will not go to counseling, then I agree that you should move back closer to your family where you will have the support system you need. Tell your husband he can move this time to be closer to his children.
Marriage counseling
I would encourage you and your husband to try counseling to work this out in a way that each of you will be able to have some of the things you want and need.
If he isn't willing to go to counseling, then your choices are live with it or live without him.
If he won't agree to counseling, then I say get rid of him,
s
credit counseling
I did use one, but in retrosepct I don't think I would do it again. It ends up lowering your payments or your interest a little, but they also charge you a monthly fee - mine was 35.00. All they basically do is pay your bills for you with what you send them. It takes a good 2-3 months to get set up and working and by that time your bills are even more overdue. I think your best solution is to talk to all your creditors and be disclipined about paying to the exclusion of having a life until you are caught up. I finally got out of the hole, but it was hard and seemed like it would never happen. Good luck to you. You can do it.
we are in marriage counseling now....sm
We have been going since the beginning of January. I found out mid December that my husband had been having an emotional affair with a so-called "friend." It has helped us a lot so far, although, we are just now getting to the heart of the "matter/affair." We still have a long way to go but I have hope now that we will work it out.
I hope it works out for you both. Take care.
marriage counseling
if you are both committed to really doing the work and making changes, marriage counseling can be a good thing. Having gone thru it five (yes 5) separate times thru almost 20 years of a "marriage" - it never worked because my ex was never willing to make changes. Every time the counselors approached his hot spots (substance abuse, physical abuse, unemployment, depression) - it was time to "stop seeing these jerks who don't know anything".
I believe honest open communication can overcome almost any issues - infidelity, financial, parenting - and sometimes you do need an outside party to guide you thru. Find a counselor you both feel comfortable with, can easily afford and be willing to give it time.
Go to marriage counseling
My DH and I have been in counseling for about 6 weeks now and already we have made major changes in our relationship. We weren't on the verge of divorce, neither one of us want that, but we were having some major issues that we needed to work through. It has been a true blessing and our counselor is wonderful. Divorce, no matter the reason, is devastating to children. It shakes their world, makes them question everything they've known all their lives. It's a horrible thing for a family to go through, so I'd strongly suggest marriage counseling. I don't know your religious beliefs, but our counselor is a christian-based counselor, so she's incorporating the values God expects in a husband and a wife into our therapy and believe me, it's working wonderfully. We've been married for going on 21 years and wish we would have gone to counseling lots sooner than now. God bless you and I'm praying for you!
Definitely look into family counseling
with or without your husband. Do you think your husband will even want to spend that much time with the children or will he fight for them just out of spite?
My little brother's (not so little anymore, he is now 33) birth father was a lousy father and when he and my step-mother divorced he was a total deadbeat dad. When my parents married my father wanted to adopt my little brother and (sperm donor)would only sign over adoption if he could have visitation rights. My "other" mother agreed because she knew he would never ask to see my brother and she was right.
I wish I could offer more help, but definitely look into cousenling.
school counseling
I know it's the summer, but when school starts back up you might want to look at having him talk to a school counselor. It's free for you and might help him work through some of his feelings, especially the scary ones.
After 6 months of counseling,
the child psychologist couldn't figure it out either. He is angry, but he can't or won't tell us why. I've pretty much chalked it up to "middle child syndrome". He's just one of those kids that demands more attention. I do my best to give that to him without slighting the others.
Private counseling
Go to a private counselor yourself if he won't go. Some of these "ANONYMOUS" programs attract those who do not get it and go around town blabbing your business, ruining your lives even moreso. Yes, they save lives but they often ruin them with their gossip, even the name gossip hisses, it ruins lives, topples marriages, loses jobs. Be sure before you let these people into your personal, private lives and your homes. Sometimes private, closed-door counseling is the best way to go. Then if you are both comfortable with going "public" that is your own personal decision. Beware of who you let into your life. If you were going to take a plane ride you would want to know the pilot.
HIV meds
My best friend has had HIV since 1993 and is very healthy otherwise. He was taking many medications but about 3 years ago the doctors did his blood counts and said the disease was virtually undetectable. They advised him to quit taking the meds and see how it goes. They told him the meds lose efficacy after awhile and so did not want him using them until he actually needed them. After 3 years off meds, his counts are still doing great. I wouldn't worry as long as she is still having regular check ups with the doctor and otherwise maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
BP meds (sm)
When my husband started a medication for BP he started having strong muscle twitching he'd never had before. I think it was something odd, like his pec or abdominal muscles, but I can't remember. The MD had just started him on 3 new meds, one of them being a BP med. That's the one I suspected, and sure enough, muscle twitching was a possible side effect, especially if the patient exerted himself and perspired a lot. I think it could cause potassium depletion and that was the reason for the twitching.
i'd tell him it's marriage/family counseling
been to counseling, didn't work, does not..sm
This does not mean you cannot seek further counseling throughout one's life.......for whatever a situation is/becomes.......just because it didn't work with the husband, doesn't mean you cannot seek more out for YOURSELF and your children........forget him, he's a lost cause (passive-aggressives often are)....they are nothing but finger-pointers (blamers) and it's never at themselves. It's a waste of time to be with one, you/one merely only loses their self-esteem in those types of *relationships*..........
Best luck!!
time for some marriage counseling?
or at least a long talk with your husband if possible. Not by e-mail! Good luck!
Grief counseling before the fact SM
I am under a lot of stress with an elderly mother who has a grim prognosis. She is 90 years of age and has CHF with another recent hospitalization last week. She is home now, but her doctor called me the day of her discharge and gave me a complete detailed summary of her condition and prognosis. I have been more anxious since the discussion with him, although he is to be commended for his frankness and the sensitive way he handled the situation.
I know counseling is beneficial after we lose someone close to us, but I feel I need some help now just dealing with this now. The only way I can explain how I feel is to say I feel like I am carrying a bomb and not able to put it down. I know what will happen and still not able to prevent the inevitable. The nurse told me last week at the hospital that the normal BNP level is not to be above 50. My mother's BNP this last time was over 4600. The doctor told me the same value on the telephone and told me it almost blew his socks off, in his words exactly. They removed 5 1/2 liters of fluid this admission. She also has chronic renal failure. I am blessed to have her this long, but it makes it no easier to let go. I have such a heaviness in my heart. Thank you for listening.
Credit counseling - some bewares
The ones I talked to when going through a divorce were actually quite high for their fees except for the Christian one and then there were some that they did not work with or would not work with them. That is always a possibility. Also beware when talking directly with the cards or accounts of if any service offers you a "buy out" where you pay so much on the dollar - seems quite cheap -- but when you do at the end of the year they will send you a 1099 showing what amount you did not pay and you have to declare that as "income" on your income tax and thus you will simply pay the government what you did not pay your creditors. Again, talk with the creditors, pick out a plan and stick with it and it might take two to three years but you will be out of debt and you did it. Again, don't promise something you cannot keep. Also remember that there is a 5 to 7 year time line after which they cannot pursue collection of the debt but it is from your last payment and so if you ever think about doing that -- just not paying -- do not ever make a payment as then the 5 to 7 years starts all over again -- heard that on Suzie Orman show. Again, if in clear conscious you want to work with the creditors, they will work with you but you will probably not have credit for a while. You have nothing to lose to talk with them. Good luck. I am sure 90% of us have been there at some time in our life.
Do not do anything else until you attend marriage counseling - sm
You owe it not only to the kids (who did not ask to be born into this) but you owe it to yourselves to seek marriage counseling before just deciding to up and divorce without seeking outside professional help. Until you can say you tried everything under the sun to make it work and can truly walk out the door with no undone and unsaid business with your husband you are not even ready for divorce. Give it a try. I have been down this road before (but for other reasons) and can tell you it turned us around. We are celebrating 25 years this September and have never been happier. Best of luck to you both.
1. Go back to counseling. 2. Join a SM
divorce singles group. They are all over. Many churches have them.
3. Volunteer. You get to feel good about yourself and get to meet other people.
Good luck. I've been there.
uhh...that should be "suggested leaving"...not counseling...nm
Here is why you DO NOT take an abuse spouse like this to counseling sm
BTDT a couple of times. He manipulated the whole thing to his "issues" with me.
He told counselor: She makes me angry. Counselor looks at me: Why do you feel the need to make him angry?
He told the counselor: I don't like her looks. Counselor asks me: I have you considered getting some help with your weight and looks (umm 140 at 5Ə"??? Where was the problem?)
He told the counselor: She makes this marriage about the kids instead of making it about me...I make all the money...I do all the work (never housework)...and she sits on the couch and eats bonbons all day (what is a bonbon?). THIS MARRIAGE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT ME and what I want, NOT about the kids. Counselor: Why do love your kids so much and why can't you put him first?
LOUSY counselor. I went to another one on my own who said: You may not have bruises, but you are being abused. I know the situation you are in and he forbids you to work and it isn't like you actually have the time. It may take you some time to choose to get out. So, lets focus on ways for you to be stronger until you can walk out the door. HE didn't get any better HE got worse as I started to develop a backbone.
So to all those who say go to counseling, stay in it, learn to be stronger, don't let his words hurt you...YOU ARE FULL OF IT. You all may like being treated the way that DONE is, but I don't. I am a person too, as is DONE. Anyone I might ever be with needs to think I am so wonderful, special, lovely, kind... you name it, they could not stand NOT to be with me. DONE'S husband is telling her, essentially...you okay I guess, but not that great. Plus which, you can't do anything the way I think it should be done. You don't have feelings because you are average looking and this marriage is all about me. Toro poo poo.
Some of you are not very bright, I am sorry to say, but there it is.
Talk to him about it. If need be, seek counseling. Don't
zz
I don't think the depression meds --sm
should be taken in conjunction with pot. Anger and anxiety issues were already present prior to father's death. He may be grieving on some level, as his own psyche will allow, but sounds more like an excuse to me. I have lived with these types in the past. His lack of ambition is probably due to the pot, as well. Thinking of the child, I feel that separation from the source of this frustration would be the best thing for the boy. Counseling rarely works for the spouse, but it would probably benefit you. Go with your gut reaction on this as to what is best. You live with the man, and you know more about him than what you can post here. Trust your instincts. Good luck to you.
Fibro meds
I was diagnosed in January of this year by a rheumatologist after having problems starting last August that began with a rash and my GP did a battery of tests - the rheumatologist started me on 1500 mg of Relafen (which has greatly diminished the tender areas like my hip areas), I also take 150 mg of Zoloft, 600 mg of neurontin, 50 mg of Tramadol every 4 hours as needed (which do me has not really helped the pain 100%, but it does lessen it a good bit) and I take a muscle relaxer at bedtime and sometimes during the time. These meds do not zap me and I feel more functional with them than before. I also take Halcion if I am unable to fall asleep, however, these days it seems that I am so exhausted that I have no problem sleeping as long as I am not hurting and the muscle relaxer at bedtime seems to help with that. Of course now that my inflammatory markers are at a near normal range I am walking 30 minutes a day and have begun stretching exercises 15 minutes in the morning, 15 minutes at night to help with the muscles. The rheumatologist has said that all of these will change as the fibro progresses and I age (I'm only 33) but he said if we stay on top of it it should be very tolerable for me from now on - I am thankful to my GP for the referral to this doctor because I have read of so many stories where the GP ignored the patient's complaints only putting them on powerful pain meds and not really getting to the source of the problem or telling them that there is nothing wrong or nothing they can do...I feel now that the pain is being managed, my biggest complaint is being tired at doing the simplest of things - like folding clothes - I feel that I need to rest after I do that - whereas before it was just a normal thing. My rheumatologist has stressed that sleep/rest is very important so he says when your body tells you to stop and rest - do it - whatever it is you have on your to do list can wait - otherwise you're gonna really feel bad and then nothing on your to do list will get done. I see my rheumatologist every 3 months right now and he says once I am doing okay on the meds and everything seems in check we'll go to every 6 months and then yearly until something goes out of whack and my treatment needs changing - he seems to really be on top of things.
What meds are you taking? Do you see a doctor on a regular basis?
Needing meds
I think just the opposite - it's the rest of you who could use the meds - or at least not be so judgemental - but I have found that this board - regardless of the subject has quite a few very rude, mean and just downright B***tchy women - sorry if you were offended, but it was my right to BF as long as I chose - and until you work hard enough to get a law passed against it - it's something you must deal with - I think that most of you are jealous of the fact that this is not something that you could do - or wanted to do - maybe you are feeling jealous because my kids are great - we have great relationships and maybe your kids don't even speak to you unless they need money - Most of you would give anything to have a family as close and functional as mine. However, it is something that you will never know. God has been very good to us - and thankfully I followed his Word and not yours.
Thanks - have been seeing a psychiatrist for meds
After a couple of years or so on the same meds, they stop being as effective. That's why we're trying Cymbalta.
I am more cyclothymic than bipolar (rapidly cycling, less extreme mood swings). I tend toward the depressive end of the scale most of the time. The Cymbalta did trigger my hypomania - but I'm hoping once my body gets used to it, it will keep me on the higher end of the scale but not as far as hypomania.
I'm going to give it a while longer to see what happens. Many thanks to all who responded!
No advice about meds, but...
if you are consuming caffeine, try cutting back. It helped me significantly. Even 1 cup of coffee was aggravating my anxiety.
I was on three meds before finding the right one (sm)
Zoloft made me too sleepy, Effexor didn't do much but gave me strange buzzing sensations when stopping it. Prozac, low dose (10 mg a day) has helped a lot. I take it in the a.m. so it doesn't keep me up at night. But by the end of the day it helps me sleep. (I also take melatonin for sleep). At first you may have some palpitations when your body is getting used to the Prozac, not sure about the other meds with that symptom. I definitely think Prozac is the best.
cholesterol meds sm
I was given Tricor (expensive) and it gives me embarrassing gas, only take it when I'm going to be alone, so it wasn't powerful enough and they added simvastatin which they told me to take before bed because supposedly that's when the cholesterol is best treated by this. I found it kept me awake or ? psychological??? I tried to stick to it because I have a doc's appt. Mon. and was so tired and nauseous from taking both, I actually feel like I have the flu. I think I am going to express the desire to just try diet but know I'll catch He*l, as they seem to prefer you to take all this stuff. I never heard of statin shuffle, can't find it, that's awful! Last time my #s were down to normal and they were so excited, well, now I think it's my turn to start to live again. If you can take it with no side effects, then do it, but I'm sick of feeling sick. Both parents had and died of heart disease, so I'm scared. There has to be a better way!
There are some Club Meds that do not
admit anyone under a certain age. Not all are family friendly, some very adult themed.
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