Mary, I offer my prayers for the safety of your sons. SM
Posted By: Gabby on 2007-10-16
In Reply to: SILLY STRING - Mary
I thought brothers could not be in battle zones at the same time. Did they choose to?
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Prayers for your sons and all our soldiers! nm
!
My MIL named her twin daughters Mary and Mary.
No lie. And now you have a pretty good picture of the kind of mother-in-law stories I can tell. And I do have MIL stories!
Safety first and she is related to you
You have to put fears of rejection and people's reactions aside and put the safety of the child first. I would definitely want to know!!! On the other hand, I see people who live near me who don't watch their kids. I saw girls going in the woods every day at age 13 and smoking and drinking but the mothers of these kids probably actually know about it or don't care. If you think your sister would care, you better hurry up!!! Just tell her you don't know if it's true but you heard something disturbing and you think it's a safety issue otherwise you would mind your own business. If the kid gets hurt will you be sorry you minded your own business. Somebody better tell me if anything like that is going on . I'd be thanking you. But I do watch my teens.
Help is a safety net you have paid for sm
Food stamps are a safety net we all pay for, all forms of public assistance are things we have been paying for all along. TAKE the help you need! Do move closer to family if you possibly can.
I have been in your shoes myself. I lost my home to foreclosure 4 years ago because of having a near-fatal drug interaction and losing my job of nearly 7 years. I made a couple of moves and finally ended up in a small town out of state from where I had lived for 30 years. I lived with a close friend for about 9 months and had the opportunity to buy a mobile home for $3000. The people I bought it from said I could make payments and I was able to pay it off in 5 months. It needed a lot of work and it has gotten it, most of which I have done myself. This project really helped me to regain parts of myself I had lost. It gave me a reason to get up and get going on my days off. I turned this ugly old thing into a lovely, comfortable home I cherish. I have lost about 50-60 lbs since living here and I have brought the idea of vastly cutting expenses in line with making more money. The end result is that I am very well off financially, better than in my entire life.
DO get medication to help you if you can. I didn't have medication to help because I am allergic to every psychotropic in existence. I did this by pulling myself up by the boot straps, but if I could have had help, I would have. There IS a brighter future out there. You CAN have that brighter future because you DESERVE IT. That said, no one expects you to get there alone!!!
Don't be embarrassed to ask and receive help. You will be able to help others later. Years ago, when my kids were young, I was a single parent, no support and it was Christmas time. My kids didn't even have adequate clothing or food. A neighbor I hardly knew handed me a Christmas card. Inside was a $100 gift card to K-Mart. She said that many years before that, she had been in my shoes and someone had given her $100 one Christmas, she was now paying this forward to me. The only provision was that I return this favor when I could, and that I bought something for myself too because I deserve nice things for my hard work. It was a turning point for me. I have been more of a giver since. Although I could have paid this back last year, I didn't know anyone who would appropriately benefit. This year, I do and I had to tell her that I was going to do this and why. She cried and felt embarrassed because, she said, she was usually in the position to give and it hurt a little to receive. I reminded her that she was GIVING me the gift of giving with pleasure.
Others are going to give to you with pleasure, love, friendship and concern for your well being. TAKE IT. One day you'll post back here about how good things are and I'll want to hear it.
Just make sure you have the safety hinges on it so a kid can't get
s
I also agree her children's safety comes first n/m
x
Safety check - Watchdog site.
Map that lets you check for sex offenders in your neck of the woods. See pictures, addresses in some areas.
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
My sons are 18 and 20.
One lives at college and the other is living at home while attending college. When they were both at home and under 18 I had the same rules as you, basically. During the week, except for their activity obligations of school, sports, scouts, they didn't do any "hang out" time. It did help that their high school was in the next county, and most of their school friends lived some distance away. When girlfriends came along, life was a little different. My oldest dated a girl who lived down the street. My youngest dated a girl who lived a good 30-minute drive away. Lucky for me, their parents had the same rules for hanging out. It was pretty much weekends only. My boys accepted it all in stride. But I have to say that I've been pretty strict about their attitude all of their lives. Since they first began to speak, they learned not to give attitude to their parents. In return, we always treated them with respect. The few times that they did raise their voices as teenagers, our conversation came to an end, and their requests were denied with no chance for a reversal of that decision. Worked nicely. But, again, I have to say we were very lucky in that most of their friends weren't right in our neighborhood and their girlfriends had the same rules.
The payoff is that now as responsible young adults, they've developed a good work ethic. Even my son living at college does well managing his free time, and will be an RA in his dorm next year, partly because he's shown maturity and isn't goofing off at college. (And I'm glad not to have to pay all of the room and board! Hooray!)
Sons
Boy this is sounding real familiar. I have a son who is a lot like yours. He is 16, very smart, but no motivation or willingness to work for good grades. I have wondered if part of his problem was that school came too easy for him in the early grades. He never had to study for spelling tests, etc. Now that he is in high school, he doesn't have the habit of studying. It is almost as though he doesn't even think about it. When I remind him that he has a test, he will study for a few minutes and get an A or B. If he really works at it, he can Ace the test. He doesn't really think grades are all that important. (I was used to my daughter's straight As and am trying to refrain from comparing the two kids.) I'm looking for ways to motivate him, and so far a lot of positive reinforcement is starting to help. Maybe visiting with the school counselor would help. My son is also looking for a job--I think he has too much time on his hands! The more time they have, the less they get done. Good luck.
Start with safety, then energy efficiency, then the pretty stuff.
We live in a house built in 1915, and we bought it in 1985. It was in a very, very sad state. We're still working on it, and are even re-doing things we fixed years ago. Firstly, make sure that everything is safe. Could the wiring cause a fire? Fix that for sure! How about the plumbing, roofing, gutters, all the things that can cause water damage when in disrepair. Water damage is a really awful thing. If all of that is ok, try to save some money with some energy efficient things. We have more than 50 windows in our house, and bit by bit we've replaced most of them. I love the tilt-in, easy-to-clean new windows that are also energy efficient. We also replaced our boiler. (We have hot water heat in the winter and elaborate, cast iron radiators from the 1920s.) That saved us lots of money over the long run. Same with the hot water heater. (We don't have a/c.)
For the fun stuff, I used to love going to Lowe's, Home Depot, etc, and just walk around to get some ideas. They also sell really nice design books. And then, there's t.v. Check out home and garden network, style, and DIY networks. They all have websites. Google the style of design that you like and see what nice ideas you can find. The computer makes research so easy!
Enjoy!
Sons in Military - Thank You
Thanks, next time I hear from either one of my children, I'll ask them about this. I wonder why the military just doesn't supply them with it ????? Thanks so much.
Both of my sons are in college now.
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school.
My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasn't quite so much pressure on kids and parents when it came to college searches. We both chose Temple because it offered degree programs that we wanted and that we could afford. The campus wasn't pretty and it was a commuter school then, which meant that the "college experience" for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations.
Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didn't look at it as a means to move away from home or be on their own. (No college student is really on their own when living in a dorm, anyway.) They needed to determine what area they were interested in studying and then choose a school that offered a good program and that we could afford. The affordability factor was a big one for us. No one wants to have huge loans at the end of this "experience".
Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior.
Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though he's not sure what kind of an engineer. He is leaning towards civil engineering. He decided to live at home to save money. That narrowed his decision down to just two schools, Drexel and Temple, both a short train ride from our home. He applied to only those two schools, was accepted at both, and received decent scholarship offers from both. In the end, Temple was far more affordable, and so now our youngest walks the campus of our alma mater. Our friends and neighbors were shocked that our oldest applied to just one school, and our youngest applied to just two. They were amazed that we weren't on constant campus tours or worried about "options" and "fits".
Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming.
And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview.
Don't worry! You'll survive!
We only buy for our two sons, and they are older.
The youngest (18) wants a decent digital camera, so I think about $250 to $300 range plus some stocking stuffers. Oldest son is easily pleased. He's big into hats, and I bought him a leather "Indiana Jones" style hat, and a book so far. We may round out his gifts with cash, since he's a starving college student. Husband and I do not exchange gifts. My birthday is the day after Christmas, and that is just dinner out for the two of us. Our 24th anniversary is in January, and I already know that I want to get him an iPod. His 50th birthday is in April, and I would love to have a party for him. I'm definitely saving up for that, but it will be a relaxed party.
While are Christmas will be fairly simple, looking ahead, I'm trying to budget for some other things.
Trained my sons to help sm
Since I was a working mom, I always told my sons to expect to help around the house. They didn't do it for me that often, but now that they're married, they cook, iron, babysit and go to the market without complaining. I think I did a good job. My husband also helped around the house, so they had a good example of what it takes to make it work when mom has to work. Whether you pay someone to help or ask for help around the house, it doesn't matter. I could not have offered my kids a college education if I did not work and save for it. Some men think it demasculinizes them and that's sad. I also shoveled snow,did what I could to help without gender bias if no one else was home. I did not feel strange doing what I could to help my husband either, as long as I could lift it, I did it. It takes a village. I used to sew, but I was lousy at it and that's why I quit. I never felt like what I did was good enough and wouldn't wear it. Curtains and drapes were okay but now you can buy them cheaper than what the material costs. Just IMHO.
Food safety question - left chicken in oven overnight (sm)
I baked two pans of chicken last night and one of them I forgot and left in the oven all night. It has not been touched or opened since being cooked. If I reheat it today do you think it is ok to eat or would you be afraid of food poisoning???
Anyone else going to Cancun for Spring Break and concerned about current safety concerns
We're all set to go to Cancun for Spring Break and then we hear all of this on the news about people being careful in Mexico because of the drug cartel activities and killings etc. Does this even involve Cancun or is it just the border places. The Spring Breakers are being warned about going so it makes me wonder if it is just the borders as most Spring Breakers do not go to the border towns. Does anyone have anymore information. I have a good friend who met her husband in Mexico, has crossed the borders etc and she said going to Mexico isnt worth risking your life because they hate Americans. Yikes.. I don't know whether to go or not or if I'm just being paranoid now.
I understand your fear! I have three sons between
17 and 20 years old. Now and then they talk about enlisting, and of course I worry about the draft. For selfish reasons, I want them always to stay close to home, where it seems to be safe. But it's a very high calling to serve one's country, and I would support that decision if my sons decided upon it. If the draft were brought back, I'd be terrified. I do not support this war. I don't think it was the right thing to do. But I do support the people who serve and respect their decisions and am incredibly grateful to them for their sacrifices. I will also continue to support them by doing whatever I can, small though it may be, to help bring them home AND keep peace for us all. I wish it were a simple thing.
As for our children, the fact is, once they are 18, they can make the decision to join without our consent. Talk to each other, love her and appreciate her. If she decides to serve her country, you do not want to part in anger, and trust me, you will want to support her in any way you can.
LOL! Love it! Thanks. I'll be using this on my 3 sons! nm
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My sons have been in Scouts for some time now...sm
My youngest (11 years old) was in Cub Scouts for about 3 years and crossed over into a newly chartered troop. My oldest son (17 years old) joined the troop also, mostly out of necessity (we needed his warm body in order to have enough boys to charter). My youngest loves it and my oldest is kind of lukewarm about it. I have also been a leader at the pack, troop, district and council level for over 4 years now. We are basically a scouting family and love it.
With that said, however, I will say that scouting is not for everyone, and everyone does not get out of scouting what is there for them to learn simply because everyone is not interested in learning those things or because of poor leadership within the scouting unit. In your case, it sounds to me as if the latter may be true.
You didn't say how old your son is or how long he has been in scouting, but it sounds to me like he has a very poor leader if he makes them camp this way. Some overly self-glorified scout leaders try to turn scouting into junior Army training which is not what it is meant to be. If there is another pack or troop in the area, you might consider changing and see if that improves his scouting experience by a new leader and better camping conditions. When we camp, each boy has his own tent (can be bought at Walmart for about $15) and we always have a campfire in a designated fire ring that burns pretty much all night. Each boy is safely enclosed in his own tent that zips up which greatly reduces the chances of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Of course the boys have to be trained to keep their tent flaps zipped closed at all times so that nothing gets in.
My advice from a scouter's viewpoint is to talk to your son and then you and your son and husband talk to the scout leader and see what can be done to improve the scouting experience for your son as well as the other boys in the unit. If the leader does not want to chanage his ways to more closely follow the scouting ideals, then find another troop or pack to join. Sounds like there is a LOT of room for improvement here.
Here is a link that may help, too. http://netcommish.com/askandy.asp
Those total sons of you-know-whats.
My situation was not QUITE the same.... It turned out I was the other woman; the guy I was dating and thought I was exclusive with turned out to have a fiance he didn't bother to tell me about. Looking back, there were a few hinky things I should have noticed, but they weren't the usual things, so I was thrown off my guard.
I do have a very good male friend whom I call my adopted big brother. (He's married, has been for decades, and his wife is aware that we are friends/business associates.) I asked him flat-out why men cheat, and he said (a) because they can, and (b) the thrill of the chase, or some bullhockey like that, that we testosterone-deficient females can't seem to understand, I guess. He also bluntly told me that I probably was not the only one, i.e. the only "other woman." I would not be surprised if that were true, but I never actually found out, since the SOB (and I do NOT mean 'short of breath') married the fiance and left town.
My best friend put it rather succinctly, when we were discussing another topic:
Men don't change, and women just learn to be abused gracefully. (Because this too is a form of abuse.)
My sons both learned that lesson the hard way
One had 1200 text messages in a month (I pay for 300) and the other did the same download thing. I wish there was some way you could block their phones after a certain amount of $$. Needless to say, both had a nice chunk of money to pay mom back.
Deeni, I respect your opinion, but I held both my sons during circumcision......sm
my dirtly little secret, I used to be an LPN and CMA, used to surgical technology. It takes seconds, and while I had silent tears and I worried and fretted, but they were fine, and Nola is not misinformed here, being in clinical practice for years, and working for general surgeons, I saw many men, some in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who had infection after infection because they could not retract the foreskin the right way, phimosis is painful and can become precancerous, and yes, we had some gentlemen with penile cancer. As I said, I was able to snuggle and nurse my baby boys both times right after circumcision, no problems. Men's anatomy is so different (!!!!) from female's (duh), so you cannot compare the unsterile, crude labial circimcisions done in third world countries with what is done in hospital for our baby boys. Anatomy just dictates this. I was so glad when my daughter was born, it was not even anything to worry about!
To Mary
I understand about liability and I am still responsible for him.....the only thing is....I want everybody to understand is that.....I DID NOT PUT HIM OUT....He is always welcome to come home, visit, etc...but he will not have access to MY HOUSE to come and go as he pleases......
How sad. I can offer no help but
I feel so bad for you and your son. I had no idea such a conditon existed. To think of a 5-year-old child existing on pizza rolls and Ramen noodles, makes me so sad.
God bless you both (and the therapists too!!).
Thanks, thanks, I appreciate the offer
but unlike this poor excuse for a person, I am not using our website to ask for donations, financially making it alright for the present. We are going to high kill so called "shelters" and pulling from there to try and give our best little friends an extra hand. I am finding so much joy in what I am doing. In my state you have to be licensed (have that applied for), incorporation (applied for) before you can charge a rehoming fee. When all in order and if others in my rescue group want to charge fees, I will let them have that to go back into the pot to, well save others. This is my heart and what I have wanted to do for a very long time. Probably the most rewarding thing I have done in my life. Here in the south we have an overabundance of animals and I hear there is a need for animals further north. All 3 of my furbabies are rescues, they also are my heart.
Well Mary was only supposed to be 13-14 and . . .
not everybody believes it was an immaculate conception.
Mary Winkler
I agree - what a CROCK!!
Mary Winkler
After viewing the O Show, I feel like Mary W. was secretly abused just like she said, little things would give you the indication, such as feeling like she was going to get into trouble for things that got broken, or for making a mistake. She was very quiet and it seemed like she never wanted to rock the boat so to speak. I am 42 and I remember going through the same things with my scared mom and abusive alcoholic dad. It took my mom 14 years to leave my dad and that was 30 years ago, she had 4 kids and no HS education so I know it was scary for her, but she worked two jobs and I pitched in too. I sometimes thought I could have taken the gun he threatened us with and used it on him instead. I feel she needs a lot of therapy, and so will her children.
Mary Winkler
the comment about inlaws was interesting. I know some people in Church of Christ, it is very strict on divorce so apparently Mary W. felt trapped in her marriage. It is my understanding that if one gets divorced they have to stay single rest of their life or until the fomer spouse is dead. she was certainly familiar with this doctrine.
On the other hand, how would you feel if you saw your husband sort of smothering your baby because she was crying which is what babies do? It might make you mad enough to do something drastic about it. Best course of action would be to pack up and leave before you shot the man. It is hard to believe that she was in some sort of trance when she picked up the shotgun. But she probably felt trapped with no way out and the cornered rat will bite.....
The shoes and the other perversions if all of thihs is true would also make one very very angry.
I agree that she appeared to be sort of drugged, obviously a sick woman who did something that will haunt her and her family for the rest of her and their lives. She should be allowed visits with her children in a neutral spot, not in the inlaws home.
Offer these suggestions -
Title loans if they own their cars, sell anything they can, pawn what they can. Some of this will only be a very short-term solution.
Look inside for how much they offer LOL!
2.00 INR |
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0.0497265 USD |
India Rupees |
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United States Dollars |
Hayseed, thanks for the offer but
today on my way back from ceramic class, I stopped and got my babies some of the organic catnip and ground it up between the fingers and they rolled and sniffed and had such a good time. I wish I could have taken all the covers including blankets, sheets, whatever that I have put over my new furniture from 3 days ago but had no time before had to get to work. Am off tomorrow so will try and orientate the babies towards their new delight. They did love it and am hoping this will be a good thing for them instead of the new leather.
Perhaps it would be better to offer your help locally - SM
What you are doing is wonderful and I can easily understand that you must be selective in helping those who are in real need.
At the same time, you must understand that people are not accustomed to running into true Good Samaritans who have no personal "agenda", so they would understandably be reluctant to provide intimate details of their financial situation to a total stranger, however well intentioned. If "What's the catch?" is their first reaction, it's only natural. Sadly, there have been a lot of scams that have been circulating in the form of "assistance".
By working locally (perhaps through a church or social agency), you can be thoroughly satisfied that you aren't being scammed by someone with a slick story, or someone who would misuse the money, and the recipient of your kindness can be confident of your good intentions.
You're truly a rare bird in this jungle of life. Don't take it amiss if a lot of bird-watchers don't recognize you because they've never seen anything like you before.
Mary and Byron are still together? that shocks me. nm
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and Mary Winkler gets 270 days??? nm
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Bella Belara by Mary Kay
Its light and very feminine
Me, too! Were u on that board when Mary was still moderator? Nm
nm
The only comfort I can offer is to wish you well and say a prayer for you. sm
I'm sure all will turn out fine, too. My mom went through early stages of cervical cancer in her mid 40s and she is doing well. Best of luck to you and keep us posted and updated.
Thank you so much - some of us are quick to judge and offer
I really appreciate those who have give good advice and hope to help my DD. To those who suggested it was too late, 22 is just the beginning of life IMO, especially if you have been in college and the like. For reasons I do not care to go into, my DD could not work while going to school and so now that she has her own money, well you can figure it out!
I think that's a great idea to offer to
help chaperone! Personally I'd take some kitchen cleaner and some paper towels and clean the counters to "keep busy" when nobody was paying attention, but I'm pretty bold, LOL.
Not that my house is as clean as it should be, but if I had kids I'd be a lot more motivated to clean!
what does a company normally offer for PTO yearly
Starting fulltime and just curious?
Most leagues offer seminars
You may want to look into that for your opposing team and yourself. If these kids sense the parents' hostility, it will ruin it for them. This is written by another little league mother that has already been there and done that. It's not worth the negative energy. Cheaters are not winners! End of story.
Why should she offer to feed the twit? - sm
he was violating a restraining order, I certainly would not make him feel at home. She did the right thing calling the cops. He mouthed off because he was mad at her and wanted to cause trouble.
As for CPS, clean the house, why you still have his lousy magazines there is beyond me if kicked him out. Get rid of all the clutter for sure. Obviously be straightforward with the inspector. I highly doubt from your story that you are in imminent danger of losing your kids. Just be truthful and explain the whole situation, CPS has seen it all and can quickly figure out who the good and bad parents are.
You don't offer to feed someone you have a restraining
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clarify please-u mean woman playing Mary.....sm
You do mean the person playing character of Mary in this movie got pregnant as a teen?
Welcome to the 21st Century, m'dear.........*lol* - not many couples are getting married today (although the gay community sure is trying to get married).....but the numbers are WAY down for hetero couples.........
in any event, it's just a flick/movie - what do you care about the actors/actresses who are playing the characters? 
She's no woman, she IS 16 y/o. She is playing part of Mary
and she got pregnant by her 19 y/o boyfriend.
If you whistle, it makes the Virgin Mary Cry
(I've had worse things come out of my mouth.)
Mary winkler on Oprah today
Would like to have a discussion on this and other's thoughts, especially after viewing the show or before either way. Very interested to see what she has to say and where are her parents? I would so not want my children with those freaky in-laws.
Sister Mary Magdeline's answers
1.You'll never see me watch___? The Devil in Mrs. Jones
2.You'll never see me wear___? a thong
3.You'll never see me eat___?
Meat on Friday
4.You'll never see me buy___?
contraceptives
5.You'll never see me clean___? Anything less than five times
6.You'll never see me kiss___? Father Murphy
7.You'll never see me talking___? Yiddish
Ms. Mary Mack!! My kids still play that one!
And they run up to the ice cream truck still and there is a sponge bob ice cream with gum ball eyes or something. Davy Jones! I still have a crush on him, my sis-in-law is president of his fan club, and she got to meet him at Disney once (sounds like Brady Bunch's Marcia). LOL. You are right, things have gotten stressful. But then again, I remember my dad talking about WWI and the depression and having to deliver blocks of ice to people. Though, it seems to me even there were hard times then, people seemed to still be happier than we are today. Seems like things changed after 911, at least to me. I try to keep my kids sheltered (I know that is terrible), but my 7 year old is in love with girls, my 8 year old knows all the pirate words already and all 3 of my kids including the 10 year old could probably tell me things I did not even want to know until the third year of college. My goodness! I am sounding like gasp, My Mother! LOL.
I'm sure Mary Jo Kopechne's family is not as happy as you. nm
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