Long Distance relationship
Posted By: TravelinMT on 2009-03-25
In Reply to: long distance relationship - dead end? - Hillybilly
I think you answered your own question without realizing it. You still want to see new places, experience something new. To move back would mean you would probably never get to do those things...they are dreams you have, don't live your life wishing you had done what you wanted to do. Great relationships are easy to have when there are so many miles between you, when you are living together everyday it will be a whole different situation. Right now you have so little time together you make sure those few hours are perfect or as close to it as they can be. If you stay in this LD relationship you can still move someplace else and see exciting things, you will just find a way to see each other from another location.
What would you do if you got a fantastic, once in a lifetime, can't turn it down opportunity for something tomorrow, would you take it or would you throw that chance away to move back home where you don't really want to be? When you answer that question you will have your answer.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
long distance relationship - dead end?
I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. About 1000 miles apart....we see each other once a month and it's great for the most part. We miss each other a lot, talk everyday, and almost never fight. We get along great and truly prioritize and look forward to our meetings.
Our only problem is....the long distance thing has no end in site. Neither of us are planning (or willing) to relocate to the other's location just yet. He feels that I should 'come home' back to where our friends and family are, where we both grew up.....I feel he should get out and experience new things while we are young.
I still want to see new places, maybe move again, experience something new again, and am simply not ready (if ever) to move back. So what should I do? Bite the bullet and move back? Does this mean we have reached an impasse that will not work? Sometimes I worry that we are on a dead end road, but I could not imagine splitting because we have such a great relationship.
long distance phone service
I live in NW Ohio and am having a difficult time finding a LD carrier that allows medical transcription. The company I work for only allows .5 and under but I'd prefer a plan that is flat-fee. Any ideas?? Thanks so much.
Stamps and long distance phone cards...sm
these are favorites among the elderly people I know.
Are you considering a long-term relationship
with this gentleman? If so, you might want to give some serious thought to his money issues as they could very well become your money issues.
His joke was probably just an attempt to be funny, though rather clumsy and thoughtless. Since it bothers you, you could discuss it with him and tell him why it made you angry and base your next move on his response.
It would be his actual money issues that would be of greatest concern to me.
Your relationship is truly blessed and an inspiration to others. Congrats and Love long! :) nm
s
He is really close with his sister even with the distance between them...sm
They talk almost everyday on their cell phones since there are no roaming charges. He talks to her while he's driving home from work. She brings up the graduation a lot so I think the longer he waits to come up with a solution, the worse she'll take it.
And if he does end up going, I'll be so disappointed.
Depends if it is long with pregnant pause um no. If it is long and juicy like an op YEP! Short ones
x
How is your relationship with God? If not God, do you have sm
any spirituality in your life at all? I was exactly where you were....then I found Jesus. Late in life. He has given me purpose and pure contentment.
Nothing satisfies like Jesus and I've done it all: Alcoholism, rx drugs, bad relationships, etc.
Now I'm teaching a Bible study class, have a thriving marriage (after a horrible divorce) and am just very, very peaceful and happy.
Whenever someone like you comes to me with thoughts just like yours, I tell them about God and His saving grace. Will pray for you that you find the contentment you are so searching for.
relationship help
My fiance and I live together - been together 4 years - living together 3 months - supposed to get married this year. . Most of the time, everything is great. He gets stressed out about finances, makes a rude remark to me about my lack of house cleaning ability, I get mad and go off by myself for a few hours - he gets even madder and starts saying our relationship is over, etc. . He leaves for several hours, comes home and we make up. . I am having a hard time with this. . I feel like I have to react a certain way or this whole blow up is going to happen. . I love him and know he loves me - I just don't understand how something so small can turn into something so big. . Anyone with any advice?
MIL-SIL relationship has nothing to do with
SIL's feelings for the daughter, just like MIL's feelings for him have nothing to do with her feelings for her daughter.
relationship
Is this how you want your life to be because he will not change even if he decides he is "ready" to marry you. Everything he does now he will continue to do. You definitely deserve better. Good luck.
she was in control of that relationship
x
Yes, your relationship will change sm
The first three months or so you will both be so tired you won't know how you can possibly make it, but you will. If you have family close by to help, that is great (I was an Air Force wife, so we were far from both our families). Hopefully, though, you will start to see your husband in a whole new light. I know I did. He had never had much use for children before, although I knew he loved animals, so that's always a good sign. He would spend hours playing with our cats, and he loved to sit and watch TV with one or both of the cats in his lap. To me, that showed a loving heart.
He had a lot of learning to do, but he became a wonderful father. Seeing that, I fell in love with him all over again. He became much more open emotionally, primarily with our son, but some of that spilled over into our relationship as well. And having a child together bonds a couple together like nothing else. Here is this wonderful being who is a part of BOTH of you, and who you both love like you never thought you could love another human being.
Sure, there will be difficulties. There will be times when he wants sex and you are so exhausted all you want to do is sleep for a week. There will be times when you are so focused on the baby you won't realize you are neglecting him. But if you are aware of all these possibilities, you are less likely to let the situation go on so long that it becomes a problem.
Good luck to you, whatever happens. 
The whole relationship should have been a no-brainer
Frankly, I thought he should have been given more punishment myself, but I don't think the DA/ADA really put a lot of effort into it. As I mentioned, they were going to accept the SIS until I pointed out that I didn't approve on the basis that it's not like another conviction would be destroying a lily-white record, at which point the ADA flipped through the file and said, "Wow, this guy belongs in jail." Going into it, the 'scoop' on the judge were that the 3 things he hated most were drunks, deadbeat dads, and woman-hitters, and the ex was the trifecta (he's about $1100 behind in his child support), but somehow he got to skate away. I do have mixed feelings about the sentence; I wasn't really injured, but on the other hand that was only because I called before it got worse.
I have my own share of self-esteem issues, which is why I stuck it out as long as I did. The only thing Dr. Phil ever said that made sense to me was, "We generate the reality we think we deserve." So I'm spending some quality time channeling Stuart Smalley and doing my self-affirmations, have blocked his phone, and am generating my new reality.
re the relationship with your daughter...
My sister-in-law, a wonderful woman, has a 30-something daughter, and she is struggling with their relationship. She has recently decided to let things go for a while - for her own sanity. She tells me that there have been problems with their relationship since her daughter was just a child. It pains her to think that she may never have a good relationship with her. My sister-in-law has 2 other children that she has a wonderful relationship with. I think, sadly enough, that sometimes it just works out that way. We have discussed the possibility of her daughter having psychiatric/emotional issues that could be hindering the relationship process - I don't know whether or not that could be an issue with your daughter. The bottom line is, in my opinion, you can only do what you can do. I don't think a parent should EVER give up on their children, but there may come a time when you have to realize that it is what it is, and you just have to accept that and worry about taking care of yourself. Good luck to you.
I had it during my pregnancy a long, long time ago. Husband
aa
Dont know where your relationship has gone wrong but
my husband and I have been married now for 7 years and he is feely, smoochy, kind, considerate, loving, can have a grab each and any time he wants it. I thank my lucky stars to have found him at my late age. I dont know what has turned the love to disgust for you but I do not feel normally this would be a turnoff for most women, certainly not me. My love just deepens every minute we are together. I will say that I have an ole high school friend (this is her second marriage) that says identical things as you are saying. She and the fellow have no children together but frankly, I would not stay because of the children, never. Your children will suffer in a situation like this. My children grown when I met the present husband but I was divorced, raised the children and would not subject them to more unpleasantness. I think my friend and her husband will come to divorce eventually. Just do not believe you can overcome the disgust when it should be pure heaven by his touch.
a believer in God, personal relationship with God
My spirituality comes from many places...
Mother Teresa said:
People are often unreasonable and self-centered. FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. BE KIND ANYWAY.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. BE HONEST ANYWAY.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. BE HAPPY ANYWAY.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. DO GOOD ANYWAY.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. IT NEVER WAS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY.
-----------
And that, my fellow MTs/MEs, is something we all should contemplate!
Have a GREAT week!!!
I agree - no kids, why do they have to have a relationship?
nm
does anyone besides me have a bad relationship with a grown daughter or son?
with one of your grown-up kids, or is it only me? My oldest daughter and I do not get along, never did. I love her, but am not sure if I like her. She is very selfish and self centered and it's all about her. Everyone else see's it but her. Of course, there's a lot more to it, but last night she sent me a letter saying basically she's done with me.....not sure at all where this is coming from. I really, really don't need this right now. So, is anyone else in any kind of a similar situation with an adult child? She's 38.
I'm so glad you have that type of relationship! That's how it should be. (sm)
She has every opportunity to come here and let them get to know her and then they would probably be happier going to her house. She is always so busy every time they see her. I would love for them to want to go to her house. It is so ridiculous for people to say it is me influencing them.
Death of someone you have a close relationship
even if they are not related by blood.
In 1990, my husband and I decided for the first time since we had been married to spend Thanksgiving with his family instead of with my family (we always did a Sunday Thanksgiving with his family before because my family was so large and his family was smaller).
My father died that Thanksgiving night. It took me 10 years to forgive myself for not being there that day. I have empathy for anyone who suffers a loss around a holiday, but hey, that's just me.
I'm glad they have a good relationship, too, but it's NOT
superficial to know your spouse's past history including his education. Why be so secretive about something so mundane? Is she going to love him any less (or more) whether he did or didn't finish high school - probably not. Is it going to change how he treats her now if she knows - probably not. Even if it changed everything about their relationship, she's still his wife, and to not know his education level after 30+ years of knowing each other is just a wee bit strange to me. Once again, in my opinion, he's supposed to be her best friend, her confidante, the one person in the world she can trust anything to. Why the evasiveness? JMO 
I feel so sorry for you. Please rethink your relationship with this man.
.
I mean:..'not a very close relationship....nm
nm
once the trust is gone, so is the love, and the relationship..sm
be completely honest with him..now, before he gets out of rehab. If he is doing it only for you or to get you back, it is never going to work and it is just a matter of time before HE feels comfortable enough to start drinking again. You sound pretty sure that you want it to be over, so see a lawyer and start divorce proceedings now. don't wait for him to get out and start things all over again. You have to be up front about YOUR feelings, as well. Do not lead him on thinking there is hope. If telling him how you feel puts him back into drinking again, that is his problem and not yours. It would only serve to prove that he was not serious about stopping drinking anyway, and helping himself, but only a means to get back into your life. Do not take on the guilt. He is responsible for his ownself, and you are responsible for you. But do not let his expectations of coming back go on any longer. He has a right to know how you feel now, before it is too late. You already know in your heart that things will go back to the way they were before, if you let him come back. Show him how serious you are, be honest, and start the actions you need to extricate yourself from the situation. He will not change.. trust me on that one. I have been there too.
y huby and have pretty much the same kind of relationship as you mg
We have both learned where our strengths and weaknesses are. When our children were toddlers and it was bedtime I began losing my patience. Their constant getting up and fighting sleep didn't seem to bother him, so he handled bedtime. We share homework duties, I do the laundry and most of the cooking, he and the children clean up after dinner. He likes to cook on Sundays. It has been working great for 19 years.
Well, any healthy relationship should be close to equal
My husband works FT and still helps out a lot around the house. I only work PT, so I usually do the cooking, helping our daughter with homework and most of the cleaning. My husband always cleans the kitchen after I cook (and vice versa) though and he cleans the bathrooms. We also alternate doing the laundry. So, I'd say everything evens out to be pretty close to 50/50 in our relationship. We are truly best friends and we treat each other as such, and I would never dream of "serving" my man - that's just a ridiculous statement! I even had that part taken out of our wedding vows! If it becomes a problem where you feel like you're being taken advantage of, then you need to sit down with your husband and let him know that he needs to pull his own weight or you won't be happy. Good luck!
Anyone had a relationship with a person in jailr or prison?
Is it someone you knew or have you gotten to know them since they went to prison? Do you write them or visit?
I have a love/hate relationship with the thing.
Keeps me roasty toasty...In that picture there the wind chill put the temperature to -25, the kind of cold where your eyes steam and then that steam frosts your lashes up. It's very dangerous.
HOWEVER, these coverall things are designed for dudes with no curves, so the crotch winds up going down to your knees and you wind up walking like a penguin. I have wiped out in it and I feel like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka where they have to roll her away.
No way, no day would you find me in California or anywhere outside of New England. It's best I don't venture too far away from my mental health care providers, know what I'm sayin?
I just some at Tractor Supply I've got my eye on (Man, I'm such a hick!) that are actually specifically tailored for women, so a set of those are on my wish list along with that split keyboard.
Can you close the door on your relationship and not look back? sm
Of course, you will need to be in touch for the sake of the children, but you as a person need to be able to look back and have no *what ifs* to ponder about. You need to know in your head you have turned over every stone and mustered every bit of strength in your possession and tried everything you possibly could before you end this. Otherwise, it will forever sit like a huge weight on your back and make it hard on in life. You also need to be able to speak about your husband in an objective manner for the sake of the children. I agree with the other poster who suggested counseling for the children. Please consider that no matter what else you decide for yourself. Oh, how I do wish my parents had done the same for me as a child. Their relationship has left me with wounds so easily reinjured and made some things in life very tough for me. Best wishes to you.
relationship question, pls need confirmation/advice
A younger (like 20 years younger) has fallen for me. He knows what he wants in life; tired of the young girls who play the mind games, etc. What are our chances of having a good relationship together. I am definitely attracted to younger men always.
Thanks for any advice or any experience you may have.
ANY relationship based on lies is doomed to failure
How long is too long to wait for Pap results?
This is a follow up Pap for an abnormal one a few months back. I have waited for the results for over a month and have called the office once. Any advised about being a patient patient - LOL. Its hard when your in this business, I think anyway, not to be more aggressive about stuff like this.
Normal nerves, BUT you and your relationship w/hubs will change & evolve, hopefully
s
He sounds wonderful...sounds like you two have a relationship (sm)
based on love and nothing superficial at all. I'm glad you appreciate him and are so grateful for him. Best wishes & continued happiness to you both :-)
How long?
Crap, havent heard- 1 hour this week or 2 like last week? Thanks
as long as a dog
is in its carrying bag, he is in his space, not yours. Some dogs are sooo tiny, it is not even noticeable. I know of people who use doggie strollers for such places. Frankly, I am leery of people who have this kind of attitude.
I don't know what took me so long.
You can actucally understand the words and there is a definite meaning to the song. Although, when I put country on my hubby and kids say "my ears are bleeding". Oh well, I work for an ENT, I can help them out. LOL
Wonder how long this goes on. nm
:
In the long run they say it's the same or
possibly cheaper to sod. But yes, the initial cost is a little scary compared to the first treatment with seed. But seeding can be never-ending, especially if you don't water enough. We should have done this in the fall, but that's when our dog was so ill.
But not for long
The poster below really gave some good advice. The behavior she describes is "him" to a T. I actually had almost forgotten about him until the Lacy Peterson story came out. Scott Peterson looked so much like him it creeped me out. Good luck.
Thank you so much - it's gone on so long (sm)
What are the traits of a passive-aggressive person?
I do believe my weight is a symptom of my marriage. It all started right from the beginning - I was fairly attractive back then and got asked out by men all the time. Yet right after I got married, there was this weekly lunch with his coworkers where all the guys and their wives/girlfriends met for lunch - he told me that I could not go because, "I'm not exactly proud of you." I don't know why I stayed at that point - there were no children involved yet - but I just felt like I had to try to make it work.
how long has it been
that she has cancer? She is probably trying to give you comfort as you give her. She is a sweetie.
so, how long did it take and
does he have to continue the medication to keep away the urge?
I went through this myself not too long ago -sm
Definitely keep up the salt water gargles. I used warm water with mine. Something that gave me nearly instant relief was Chloraseptic Spray. Hope you feel better soon!! 
How long does it normally take to get
labs processed? Dr's office took lots of blood this morning to check everything, glucose, lipids, etc and said she'd call as soon as the results come in. What's a "reasonable" amount of time to wait?
How long have you had the cat?
xx
this is long
I went through this with my son, who is now 24 and drug free. Take your daughter to therapy, and anything else you feel necessary, if for no other reason than to assure yourself you have done everything you can. Try getting together with the parents of some of her "friends," (she doesn't have to know you do) and just try to keep one step ahead of her. I used to look around my son's room to see what I could find, any pot - I threw it away. You just have to keep telling her, you are not the enemy, you are on her side. It is very hard to go through, I know, but they do come out the other end and you have your child back.
How long has this been going on?
How long has your mother had this type of behavior. It sounds like these symptoms; inappropriate behavior, saying things without thinking about them first, might be a signal she has some sort of neurologic problem or the onset of a form of dementia going on. You might notice if your mother has been forgetting things lately, seems detached. If this is not her regular personality, and this is something new for her, then I would gently talk with her and ask her if she is worried, under pressure, or sees anything wrong with how she acts. She might have to see her doctor. My mother exhibited these signs and symptoms around age 60, and then later was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. However, if her memory is good, she is coping with daily life and is able to handle things on her own, she needs a wakeup call. Her behavior in front of your daughter is inappropriate.
ALL OF THE ABOVE...sry a bit long lol
My children and I have been "cleaning toys" if you will and weeding out clothes to give away on freecycle. We put 3 bags of toys and 1 bag of clothes out there and they went to a very deserving grandma and grandpa who just took in their 4 & 6 year old grandsons. I am trying to teach my boys that it is not all about the gifts you receive, they are 3 & 9 so it is a bit hard to do with all the commercials and my 3yo wanting every last thing he sees. I let them decorate the tree after I put the lights on and they have a blast. We celebrate the birth of Jesus and attend church. First on Christmas morning we discuss the meaning of Christmas and the birth of Jesus and they enjoy going through our boooks we have about that as well.
|
