Let us know what you decide - nm

• Opinion - HELP! :) - Sunshine
  • wish - jlynn
  • I would tell them that - JanSetzmt
  • Parents might prefer "alone" time to rest after the - drive to be rested for next day. nm
  • My parents are the same way. They don't like to - holidays, bleah!
  • Even tho it is 6 weeks in advance you had already made your plans sm - elaine
  • It is fine for them to stay home alone that evening (sm) - NC MT
  • They are adults and can handle it. After all, this is the tradition - kate
  • Your parents sort of invited themselves to spend - - San Francisco - (s/m)
  • Be strong - your parents should respect you as an adult - Okie MT
  • Do your thing - boomerMT
    • Agree! It's 1 day. You can see them the next day or on the - weekend, etc. They'll get over it. NM
  • Christmas dilemma sm - Anonymous
    • ha! sm - Sunshine
      • mother - marilyn
      • Let us know what you decide - nm - boomerMT
      • Ahh.... since this will be my 2nd Christmas - without my mother who sounds like your's....
      • Loved my mom, but.... sm - Anonymous

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My husband died six months ago suddenly and unexpectedly.  My niece, who just turned 12, has always been extremely close to my husband and me, and spends a lot of time at our house.  LIke your children, she had never experienced death in a close relative before.  The day he died, my brother and sister-in-law picked her up from school and broke the news to her.  She was sad of course and she cried for quite a while. 

Her parents gave her the choice of what she wanted to do in regards to go to the funeral home and/or attend the funeral.  She chose to come to the funeral home and sit with me, and to attend the funeral. 

She later wrote on the subject when the class had to write an essay at school about a life altering event.  She wrote about how much she loved her uncle and she felt that was her last chance to say goodbye, as she didn't get to say goodbye before he died.  She was sad that he died suddenly and she didn't know ahead of time, and that seemed to hurt her a lot, even though nothing could change that.

As for me, her presence at that time made me feel a little better.  My husband's death has made she and I even closer.  She's very smart and mature for her age.  She knows sometimes when I get a little sad, that I'm thinking of my husband, and she totally understands, cause she still misses him too.

I know this is kind of rambling, but I hope it makes sense.  I think kids want to be a part of our experiences, the good and the bad, and I think to exclude them, even when you think you're protecting them, makes them feel left out. 

Good luck to you and your family.  My prayers are with you.

Some guys are good dads - willing to pitch in and help take care of the child's needs, and give it plenty of time and attention.

There are quite a few guys out there that like the IDEA of a child - as long as it doesn't cramp their style.  This means it all devolves upon the mother - care of the child 24/7, criticism from him and his family if you aren't doing it their way, but of course any bragging rights are all theirs.

Then there are the demands of academia - when your child gets sent home with a backpack full of paperwork to review on a nightly basis, whose job will that be?

Another thought is the possibility of divorce down the road - what happens then?  Quite a few dads who let mom do all the work suddenly become superdad when the thought of child support comes along, and they will do anything to win custody so that YOU have to pay THEM.  Even if you win custody, the head games with visitation schedules, daddy's new girlfriend pushing her way into the picture, etc. never end.

Be careful.  Having a baby to stroke a man's ego can get very messy very fast.  Its a huge responsibility and too often the mother does all the work and the father takes all the credit.  Take the worst case scenarios into consideration before you decide.

going to function as a dad or not, and if so, you need to BOTH be involved in decisions, not just him.  If he is not going to function as dad, he should not be involved in conferences at all.

to give in to something and enjoy it, which I have not and will not do in this case. 

The puzzlement for me is how the attraction comes out of nowhere like that, and of course this time when it happened it is more troubling because he is so young.  It must be pheromones.  I think that's the best explanation.

on men/relationships...That is when the right one comes along! That's how it happened for me. I, like you, had decided I was done with men, too many bad experiences, and then I met THE right guy for me.  That was almost 11 years ago and we have been married for 7-1/2 years. We have a happy marriage and a beautiful little 15-month-old girl. It's when you stop looking that the right one comes along!

The most important thing, though, is to trust your instincts. They will never steer you wrong. From your description, it sounds like a good thing, but if there is a doubt that nags at you, don't dismiss it. Just don't let prior bad relationships cloud your judgment, because they are all different.

I'd call the Chamber(s) of Commerce of whatever city you decide to stay in and ask them the condition(s) of the area(s)  post-Katrina.....just my opinion.

Have fun on vacation!!!  :)