Let me tell you what I did when my father died and I talked with the preacher about what I wanted...
Posted By: Sarah on 2007-03-27
In Reply to: My grandmother died a couple years ago. - Here's an example
…I told him no sugar coating. Told him not to say he was a good family man, he wasn’t. Told him he could say he was a very hard worker and had lots of friends - he did. Told him I did not expect the funeral to be used as a call to join the church. I hate that at funerals. The service was a good 1 and exactly what I wanted. When he asked about what I meant sugar coating, told him not to say things that were not true. Gosh, when I go probably will be silence.....
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My father died when I was 21.
He was sick most of his life ... or at least during most of my life. He was a very sweet, gentle man, but he was always in pain and ill. As it happens, my family was just devastated in 1983. A dear uncle died of lung cancer that April. In May, my paternal grandmother with whom we lived died, my father died in July, and then another aunt who lived next door to us died that winter.
I have to say that as bad as that all was, the one thing that I was able to take forward with me was how to deal with death. After that point, as young as I was, I knew exactly what it felt like to lose someone, then to have to continue on and make funeral arrangements, stand in receiving lines, etc., etc. There's sort of a ritual to it all that is actually comforting. At least to me it was comforting. So from that point on, I had real empathy for others going through similar losses.
I think you've hit on why you feel that you are falling short in comforting your daughter. You said you haven't experienced this sort of thing in your life. One day, you will, unfortunately. It's part of life. But until then, it might help to talk to your friends or relatives who've been through it. You can gain insight from their experience.
I can tell you that there is really nothing to be done about the feelings. A person really does just have to experience them before going on. Your daughter sounds as if she is very in tune with her friends, who are going through such a horrible time right now and certainly have a long way to go yet. No doubt, your daughter is frightened about the thought that this could happen to her, as well. And she also would like to help her friends. I, too, tend to withdraw under stress. If your daughter is that sort of personality, then it might be difficult to talk to her. Just let her know that you are sorry and will talk to her when she is ready. But if you can talk to her, I would suggest you simply acknowledge that these sorts of things are extremely difficult to bear, seeming impossible. But that just being available to her friends will be a huge help. She can simply send a card, note, email, even a text message to say "I'm thinking of you." You can set the example by sending a card to the your daughter's friends and their families.
That sounds so simple, but it's actually huge, because when you go through times like this, so often you feel alone. Knowing that others are thinking of you can be so comforting. I can remember when my father died, I felt like I was walking in a bubble, separated from everyone but still there with them. I'd walk down a busy street, people moving past me, talking, doing their normal things, and all the while my whole life had changed. Yet, I know I looked completely normal. It was a strange feeling, one I've had more than few times in my life. I felt as if I had a gaping wound in my chest, yet as I walked down the street no one would notice it. It makes you feel very separated and alone.
So if you can offer any advice to your daughter, let HER know that she's not alone, and tell her that her friends need to know that, too.
my father died at 96 and worked til 86
    
My father took his dog to the veterinarian 1 time and they wanted to put the dog down
because he had distemper. Seeing the dog over in the corner looking fine, I asked my father what did he do? He said "I changed doctors." Maybe that is something worth checking out.
My plants died when husband still alive but after he died
surprisingly I grew lots of plants and still have them. My housekeeper says he was the devil and that is why the plants died. I was just as bad as you back then, killed artificial plants.
Anyone every seen a preacher do this
I have attended a small church off and on for the past 10 years. I would say membership fluctuated from 5 to 30 then back down to 5 or 6 during those years. I had married outside of the church and an old pastor frown and I felt snubbed when I brought my new hubby and my kids to church, so I quit going. We got a new pastor and I started going again but he left and now we have a new pastor and this is the funny one. He called me up one time when he first got here saying that he was the new pastor and I was invited to attend church. I went once. I was going to go back but never did. I noticed a used car parked there for the longest with a for-sale sign on it. I thought that was odd. Then the next thing I know there was a big moving sign on the church lawn one weekend, then I noticed a for sale by owner sign that next week in front of the church. I called up one of the members and asked what was going on and he said yes, they never told anyone. He said the pastor’s mother was saying everything was tacky and it had to go. They just went in and started selling everything that wasn’t tied down without consulting any member. That $200 mirror we purchased last year, they said it wasn’t worth anything so that sold for $5. They did not believe anything in that church was worth anything and were selling it for cheap prices. However, they were putting a $1500 price tag on the pews. He said he called up sister Sue because they were trying to sale that baby crib that she let the church barrow. She paid $200 for it at JC Penny when her daughter had a baby. When she went in, she found that they had thrown all our songs we used to sing, song books all in the trash. Again, he never told a soul he was going to do any of this, he just did it. He moved church to his mother’s house. I have yet to receive a phone call from him saying “hay church has moved, this is where we are attending church now.” All that is attending church is he, his mother, his wife and their two children and our blind piano player from what Sister Sue told me. She also said that when she went in to get back her crib, the pastor nor his wife, nor his mother said one word to her. She told me she is attending church elsewhere in a town 30 minutes away. She introduced me to the pastor there and they all invited me to go which was nice but too far away.
What really concerns me is that dh thinks he might be a scammer. He has gotten our piano player, who is blind, believing that we are all immature and it is just a silly old building. I guess what I am saying is that he might try to take advantage of our good friend who is handicapped. Maybe he does have the church’s best interest in mind, but it just doesn’t appear that way since ran the few that were attending there off. He said he wants a younger crowd. The building was old, in need of repairs.
LOL Preacher's kids
My kids are preacher's kids LOL. And you know it really makes it hard. I cannot tell you what it is like to be constantly stared at in church (me too as the pastor's wife), what they wear, how they act, etc. I try to explain we are kind of on public display but kids do not understand that. So, when they act like any other kid and they always do, then they are misbehaving. Same goes for me. If I wear an outfit or say something or wear my hair a certain way there is sure to be "talk." But after years of this I am used to it and realize we do have a responsibility to set an example. Anyway, just last night when my son was being naughty, really naughty, I said to my husband," I think they are right, preacher's kids are always the worst." My husband gave me an ugly look. No matter who the child belongs to, there is no excuse for disrespect, ugliness and the like. We as parents all have the important responsibility of setting boundaries and to help them to grow up to be responsible adults. I agree too about the sneakiness when spanked. I think positive reinforcement works much better, although I have to do that more. The more positive I am about the good things the more they will want to do good. IMO
What?? Who said anything about preacher's kids??
x
I am a preacher's kid. I got spankings, plenty of them.
It did NOT make me sneaky behind my parent's backs. It made me realize that there were consequences for what I did and I knew exactly what those consequences would be. I, in turn, spanked my children. They were never beaten. They were never abused. They also behaved well in church, in school and social situations. Teachers and others told me how well behaved they were when I WASN'T around. They are now healthy, happy adults with whom I have great relationships. They do not resent having been spanked as children, just as I don't resent it with my parents either. 
My husband wanted me to pick out what I wanted....sm
I narrowed it down to 2 choices and let him make the final decision on which style/carat size to get.
I talked to them (sm)
And,unfortunately, I can say I'm not surprised they are going through with this, even after being told by the carpet store owner that their premium will more than likely increase. They are all about appearances and do not consider the consequences ever. I did notice the bleach spot right away, but it is in between their coffee table and their sofa and I was sitting there. I think that even if there were a noticeable difference if they were to have it patch repaired, it probably wouldn't be something that would stand out like a sore thumb, considering the location.
She is 14. We talked about it
and she knows of 1 girl that had a baby last year and agrees that there could be other that she just doesn't know about. Once again I will repeat, I have a good girl and don't like generalizations.
Actually, she never talked about it...
she always changed the subject when somebody asked her..guess she didn't feel it was anyone's business...good for her though...I heard she wanted to get pregnant so makes since that she would want to get married first.
I always talked myself out of it before...
I thought I needed to always think about everybody else, but not this time. For 3 years I have busted my butt while my boyfriend did not work because he got hurt on the job and now that he got his money he paid all the bills back, paid the new bills ahead, and then told me to go enjoy it -- and I did! So the great thing is, not only are we now debt free, and not only did I get a beautiful fun car, but it is PAID FOR!!!!
I talked to some lady who said she has had them...
for 20 years. Lord, I hope not. I found it helps if you wear cotton - no polyester, rayon, etc. Also, for night sweats, I keep fan going in room and use 100% cotton sheets, blankets, etc. Sometimes my inner child is just playing with matches - other times she brings out the blow torch! Good luck and hang in there. We got the periods and had the babies - the guys REALLY should have gotten the hot flashes.
Has anyone ever talked with a psychic? sm
just wondered if anyone has ever talked with a psychic and if so, how was your experience? i'm watching psychic detective, and it's interesting.
People I have talked to
say if you like to go to the same place at the same time of year all the time it is okay but if you are supposed to be able to visit other resorts it can be really difficult to get a booking.
Best answer - talk to some people who actually have time shares with the company you are considering and see how they feel.
I laughed when you talked about FIL
but tell me, what is his behavior since he forgets his filter between brain and mouth? Is he foul mouthed, crude, cruel ???
I just talked to her mother
The little girl went to school today and seems to be doing pretty well. She was very nice about the whole thing. She just recently bought some insurance that is supposed to cover emergency room visits, but I told her if she needed anything to let me know, and I think things turned out okay.
Thanks!
Have you talked to your doctor?
Is this a new problem or has it been ongoing? If he is constantly tearing into things and is uncontrollable I would definitely call the pediatrician immediately and tell them you are at your wits end. I too used to work in a daycare and I am so thankful that I have been able to get a job at home and get my daughter out of daycare (my older 2 are already in school). I remember calling my pediatrician one night in tears telling them I had it with my middle child, (he was 6 at the time but he had always been this way) he was so mean and hurtful and angry. The pediatrician called me back and we got my son in the next day. We then put him in therapy and started him on ADHD medication. He got dramatically better and he only stayed on the medication for 1 year. He is 8 now and no longer on the meds. He still has his moments but it is so much better.
As for homeschooling I don't know how you do it and I give you a lot of credit. (You definitely have a full-time job just being a mom as well as homeschooling and working at night, you must be exhausted.) But if you are really struggling with it think about why you are opposed to public schooling. Is it the area you are in? Is it a decent school district? If you only want to homeschool so that your kids can be with you then I would definitely think long and hard about what is best for your kids and family, remember your sanity should be the #1 priority. If mom is not happy, no one is happy.
Good luck, let us know how it turns out.
If my two teens ever talked to me like that.......sm
I would probably punch them in the mouth and knock their teeth out! But, then again, I do not talk to them that way either.
My son is 6Ɖ", 280 lbs, college football player, and I would have no problem knocking him out if he talked like that to me......ever!!!
Teens do try to get away with things, and sometimes forget who they are actually speaking to their parents and not their friends on the "street" - no excuse ever. With that type of behavior, they might find their bags out on the curb.
Would never tolerate it!!!
He has talked with his physician,
I could talk with his physician, have absolutely no issue there, not afraid to discuss nor shamed to discuss any issue with sexual impotency or others. No family physician here for me but that same would apply as above if I had one. Like earlier, love him dearly as he does me. He in fact was telling me earlier (started tearing up just saying it) how much he loved me and would do anything in the world for me. All together now, big ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Talked to breeder, possible lead
I called my Misha's breeder to see if she had run into any diseases in her dogs. She figured out who the parents were and then remembered that her father, Bear, had lupus. Because his problem involved anemia, I believe she means SLE, which is the bad kind. But it does fit Misha quite well since it can cause neurological symptoms and other quirky problems she's had over the years, so I'm going to have them check her ANA. She's on prednisone right now, which is the appropriate treatment for SLE anyway. I think I can sleep now that I have a theory.
Have you talked with your mortgage holder? sm
They will sometimes try to work with you regarding payments, etc. They don't like to foreclose. It usually takes anywhere from 6 months to a year to foreclose on a house and they usually take a hefty loss. We bought the house next door to us just a few months ago on a foreclosure and it took forever.
I talked to a pet psychic once. Does that count? LOL
Seriously, she was supposedly a well known and well respected pet psychic. My dog was elderly and in poor health. I'd adopted her at 10-11 years of age, and now it was 5 yrs later. Her owner was not entirely honest with me about her background, so I was curious about that, and her current state of health.
I saw her flyer at a Pet Expo, so I gave her a call. I took notes about what she said. Some of it was accurate (if obvious/generic), and the rest was... well, I wouldn't say *wildly* off base, but it wasn't accurate and/or I didn't believe it. I don't believe she had any kind of gift, though it was an intersting conversation and she was very professional.
I do think some (very few) people do have abilities in this area that most of us don't have, but I also believe most 'psychics' are full of it and just do it for the money. I've never wanted to see a 'people' psychic, and I wouldn't try a pet psychic again either. JMO.
i asked the last time she talked
and she didn't answer me. i'm curious about that myself.
i think you are right about the perfect statement except i think she believes she is perfect.
I talked to a credit bureau
They told me that having too many credit cards is bad. I'm taking the advice from a distant relative who told me one time if you want something save for it, don't charge it but save and pay cash. She said you may have to wait a couple months depending on the price but in the end its worth it because you pay for the product, not the product plus all the interest the card charges you. But to answer your question, that is what the credit bureau told me. It will not reflect poorly.
Thanks guys. I talked to him last night and.....
he told me that the pictures weren't for him and they aren't on his MySpace page (which I did check) and that yes this boy does smoke weed but he doesn't. He says he is too afraid of his dad. We live in a small town where everybody knows everybody and their business so he's afraid it would get back to his dad somehow.
In some ways I believe him because, like I said, he doesn't act different, I haven't seen any of the classic signs, red eyes or visine bottles, no munchie type eating, not sleeping more than usual, etc. But in other ways I'm still susicious. It's sooo hard! What if I tell him I don't believe him and he really is telling the truth?
Shoot! I have to go,,, I'll finish later.
Thanks again for your advice.
They talked about this on The View for 2 days and
even to the point as to how they have sex and that's ALL going to be revealed on her show tonight. I'm definitely not going to watch. Those 2 make me sick, especially now that she/he is pregnant again and due in June! BW thinks she's doing the world a favor by doing this special report.
The reason it kept its female parts was to have kids. What gets me is they never heard of adoption? Why not adopt? Because they wanted to make money, that's why.
I don't know how many times they pointed out that she is now a legal male on all records, SS#, birth (how'd they accomplish that?), marriage license, medical history, etc. If she/he is a legal male, she/he shouldn't have the reproductive organs. Period.
I feel sorry for the kids. They will be so confused because they are going to tell them as soon as they're old enough to speak and/or understand.
This world is going to h---- in a handbasket.
We talked about fostering but my daughter
couldn't deal with giving them up. For now we just try to help in other ways.
We talked about fostering but my daughter
couldn't deal with giving them up. For now we just try to help in other ways.
I really admire your dedication to this. I have a friend whose home has been over run with cats and dogs for the same reason. She just wants to save them. Taking care of them has become a full-time job for her.
H went and talked the director at lunch.
She said she was just worried that she might be sick. She said dd would cry like the whole world caved in and then the next minute she would be happy and play as if she didn't have a care in the world. I don't really know what it is about.
I haven't taken my own medication for a few days and I guess it has brought out my paranoia. I have never been as bad off as my cousin but I do take antidepressants. Yeah, we live in a small town and people like to talk.
My DH always talked about his mother's cooking
Spaghetti sauce cooked 3 days and nights, then enough spaghetti for a week. Chili for a week, soup for a week. She cooked like it was still the depression era, yet it was the ླྀs. She would grumble about hamburger being $.50 a pound. But then, you have to realize, she was in her 60s when DH was in his teens. He was "an accident".
He was really happy when I made him steak. I still feed him anything he wants, and he likes my spaghetti sauce and chili better than his mom's. Of course, that could be because I don't give it to him every night of the week. Just when he gets a craving for it.
Well maybe if you talked in proper grammar...
we would understand if it was this morning or 2 years ago.
I'd much rather people talked on their cells than - (sm)
tried to talk to ME all the way across the country or the ocean, when all I want to do is
a. Veg out
b. Listen to music
c. Read
d. Sleep
The mother of the daughter I talked about
has been heard to say, "I love her, but I don't LIKE her."
My family talked of that vacation home, but then we
and not loose it in a hurricane or something. Just rent it, you'll have the money !!
I haven't talked to my one sister in 20 years....
and don't ever plan on it. I wrote her off and will never go back. She does not exist to me. Sad isn't it.
Yes I have. I have talked to many people who recently arrived.
xx
The person you talked to wont relay this to Dr. You
x
I talked to a lady who worked at a convenience store once (sm)
she was pregnant with a girl...she said, "my sister thinks I should name her Chandalier but I want something different, so I am going to name her Sounique "so unique". Alrighty then.
patti - read my note above - has anyone talked to you about membrane stabilizers?
I did pain management clinic for years and chronic herpetic neuralgia was often treated there with Neurontin (and other) membrane stabilizers. You might check it out.
She died.
The vet looked through the records for these cats and they were apparently 4 weeks old when we go them, which made Little One about 12 weeks old. She still fit in the palm of my hand and weighed a pound. There must have been something genetically wrong with all of them. :(
Oh, that's why he died sm
I haven't been keeping up on the backstage stuff and wondered why he had to die. I really like the show. It kind of reminds me of Stephen King's The Stand, which is an all-time favorite of mine.
I say died. Died is died.
nm
My dog died while I was away....sm
I was at the beach this week and he'd been going back quickly, but you always think there's going to be more time. I knew he wouldn't see the end of summer, but I thought he'd be here when I got home today. I've been carrying his collar around in my pocket since my husband gave it to me when I got home.
They are now saying he has died. :( nm
nm
I also prefer died
tells it like it is. Expired just sounds dumb. I have not heard these in medical records but here are a few terms for disabled people I hate (I am disabled): Differently abled, physically challenged and - (gag) - handicapable. Who came up with these? Admittedly, crippled does not sound right anymore and handicapped sounds passe but just plain disabled will do.
My g'mother died in the 70s at the age of 75.
NM
It was very sad when my grandmother died
but she had lived a long good life. It was not a big party by any means, but we were looking at it from the side of she is now in heaven, she is with her husband, and she is no longer suffering any pain. I know there is always sadness and more for some than others. I knew what I wrote was going to be misunderstood. BTW, I am caucasian.
Bernie Mac died
It was sad to hear Bernie Mac had died. He was such a funny and talented comedian. I loved him in Transformers and Guess Who and heard his comedy stand up routines several times. He really made us laugh.
Unfortunately this is untrue - he has died
Don't know what news you were listening to but they were misinformed. Bernie Mac has passed away from complications of pneumonia. I wish it weren't true. He was very funny and from what I've read a very decent and humble and wonderful person in his private life. Will miss his good humor. I did love his routine about his sister's kids among others.
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