Let me tell you
Posted By: my story...sm on 2009-05-05
In Reply to: Need advice and to vent. SM--long. - advise me please!
I'll make it short and sweet;
When I was 17 I got pregnant by my 19 YO boyfriend. My parents, sister, as well as his parents tried to get us to abort or adopt our baby out. We were not even going to consider either one of these options. Yes, we were very young and very immature and very stupid...however, its now 22 years later...that child that was born out of wedlock (we married when he was 3 weeks old and we're still together) has graduated from HS, joined the Air Force, is married, and has a baby girl on the way in Auguts (Yay!). He was an awesome kid, never gave us any trouble, except maybe the one too many girlfriends he had, but other than that, he was great. Now he's a terrific man. Every day he makes us so proud. Our whole family would not be the same without our son here.
We 3 kind of grew up together. Trust me, it was not easy. I had to go from a selfish teenager to a mother in 9 months. But we did it. When something like this happens to a family...yes it happens to the whole family, not just the 2 new parents, it's hard. Emotions run high, things get said that aren't meant, and the situation can easily spiral out of control.
My advice would be to give the kids some time to think, as well as yourself. I can imagine how disappointed you are in your son for allowing this to happen. I know my parents were disappointed, but they never said that to us. They helped us, stood behind us in our decision to raise our baby, but let us fall on our face when we needed to. Believe me, we learned a lot from this experience. It has made us the people we are today. We're a very strong, loving, and happy family...along with our 2 other children that we had through the years.
I say now it's a small miracle that our son survived with 2 teens as parents...but looking back, it was quite fun! Sure, we didn't have much money, we had a cozy little apartment and my husband worked a 40 hour a week job, barely making ends meet. We never once relied on welfare, we just muddled through somehow.
It's a life learning experience. This is the path these 2 kids have chosen to take. The best thing you as a mom can do is stand behind both of them, support them emotionally as much as they will allow, and be there for them when they need you, cause trust me they will need you!
I wish the best for you and your family, especially your son and his baby's mama. I'm sure she's scared and doesn't really know how to feel or what to think right now. I can still remember when I found out...oh boy, I was terrified at the prospect of, first of all, being physically pregnant, then giving birth (ugh! real scary thought for a 17 YO), much less having this helpless little person totally dependent on me?! WOW...it's a lot to take in even for a *grown* person, much less a child.
Babies having babies is never easy but it can be done and the results can be positive. I know for the most part my family is the exception, not the rule, but it can be done. The kids can be happy, their family can thrive...it takes work and lots of dedication from the whole family to make it work and work right.
Good luck and God bless!
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