Leave the lying, cheatin dirtbag.
Posted By: Who needs em! on 2007-12-15
In Reply to: What would y'all do??.....sm - Help me please...
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cheatin heart, older country song. nm
;
Leave some open boxes of baking soda inside and maybe search for carbon filters to leave in there,
s
Would you think someone was lying if they said this? (sm)
I have someone I have been seeing for a while who never calls but emails me all the time telling me that he loves me and misses me. But he always says it like this, "I really love you, I mean it. I hope you believe me." or "I am going to miss you while you are gone, I hope you believe that." It is starting to bother me that he always has to add the "I mean it"or "I hope you believe that" part. Why would I not believe it? Why would he not mean it? Does it sound like a lie to you?
He has always written me the sweetest, loveliest emails yet never calls (maybe 10 calls in an entire year and a half). I don't see him all that often but when I sugggest seeing someone else he gets upset and begs me not to, says he will do better, but then things stay the same. I really do care for him but I am starting to wonder if I am just being taken advantage of. He has borrowed small amounts of money from me throughout this time, most of which I have told him not to worry about paying back. So now I am wondering if he is just writing the sweet emails to try to keep the gravy train rolling? 
it's not lying
It's just not. I was about to get all preachy and talk about how we need mythology in our lives--stories that tell teach us morals, that remind us of our traditions--but I'll stay off the soapbox for now and just say that for as long as my kids are willing to believe, I will give them stories to believe in. The five-minute cry when they discover Santa isn't real, is more than made up for by the years of joy beforehand, don't you think?
As for talking in front of the kids, I don't think that's really a big deal, either. Kids love to put this stuff together in their heads, make up stories about it--how come there are so many store Santas? How come mom and dad are hiding these presents in the attic? They ask those questions and still believe. They're kids; they're good at that.
lying
If he is routinely confessing to you about his indiscretions, assuming this is how you know about them, and he is not afraid of you or the consequences, I assume all things being equal, you are free to do the same.
the lying is only part of it
Obviously there is more going on than just the fact that he is lying.. Why is he lying - what is he doing with the money?
You certainly weren't lying after
.
Problems with lying on back? anyone else?
For a couple of years I have had trouble with trying to sleep on my back....if I lay flat on my back for more than 10 or 15 minutes I get extremely nauseated...if I fall asleep on my back, I wake up freezing cold. I am a little overweight but not obese. I do have a rather large chest though...I have been embarassed to go mention this to my doctor because it sounds silly to me, but yet it happens every time. The last few days I have been having pain between my shoulder blades and palpitations....I am starting to really worry about my heart but I am just embarassed to go and mention it. I am 40 years old. I know some of you will scold me for not already going....but has anyone else had these symptoms?
Problems with lying on back? anyone else?
Don't be embarrassed about going to the Doc!
Honestly, it sounds like your body is trying to tell you something is wrong. Please get thee to a Doc asap! If nothing else, at least for peace of mind!
Husband lying and I am going carzy
At least once a week I catch my husband in a lie, and it is always about money. He writes checks and lies to me about what they are for, how much they are for, etc. If I ask him how much money he has on him he will even lie to me how much he has. This is just a general question I ask him to know if I need to go get my own or if he has enough for whatever we have planned. When I asked him about it he gets angry and defensive and "cannot remember." Or he will say he told me about it and make me feel I am going crazy. We are actually trying to do Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace" which says you NEED TO COMMUNICATE ABOUT MONEY AND KNOW WHERE IT IS GOING. What do you think is going on? Where do I get help? I am ready to leave, as he has been lying to me like this the whole 16 years of our marriage. He had a major gambling problem years ago and a counselor once told him, even though you've stopped the gambling you have not stopped the behavior, but he still doesn't get it. I have been in counseling three times with this man. I feel like i am the only one giving 100% to this marriage. I just need to know that it's okay for me to be frustrated and upset and ready to leave this marriage because of it, or am I just freaking out too much? He makes me feel crazy most of the time!!!! Our kids adore him, but I cannot live with him. What do I do?
I certainly do my fair share of lying
but i can't say that i've ever really made up anything huge but nobody has ever really called me on it either. Maybe those I lie to are either just gullible or too nice to say anything about it or maybe not good at spotting a lie. I don't know, but I do know I lie a lot. Maybe it's because of my low self-esteem, and maybe that's why people don't really call me on it, because they pity me too much.
Maybe, if agency lying, you can get any fees back
x
It's lying in the absolute literal sense, but so what.
I think it's part of the fun of Christmas. I wasn't traumatized by thinking Santa was real when I was small. And my children, who are now 18 and 20, seem to be well adjusted, too. I also don't think that lying to your children is the worst thing you can do as a parent. The "controlled dissemination of information" can be a good thing. My kids don't need to know what I did when I was a wild child, for example. And on occasion I've told them there were no more Little Debbies in the house, even though I had a personal stash hidden away. LOL!
As far as Santa goes, I loved it. The way I explained it to my children when they got older and stopped believing was that when we're very little, Santa is a noun. He's a jolly old man who brings us gives, a very concrete thing. When we're older, Santa becomes a verb that means "to give". When my oldest became aware of the Santa reality, he wanted to "Santa for my little brother", and kept the fantasy alive for him. Now they do that for others. I consider that a reality.
The arguments regarding the honesty of the Santa fantasy will go on and on. In the end, it's a personal family decision to participate or not, and I think we can all be respectful of other family's decisions by not divulging the truth within earshot of children who believe, and not arguing over the issue with parents who believe otherwise.
whichever one is lying will be the one to resist the meeting nm
x
Doesn't sound like he's lying, just sounds like you have different wants.
You're comfy in your life as it is. It's one thing to gain love again, it's a whole different story to gain love along with a roommate and all that comes with that, including losing some sense of freedom and space.
Letting a child about Santa isn't lying, sheesh
Telling about Santa isn't lying, it's a rite of childhood for millions of kids, as is the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I see no harm in giving my children hope in something so good as Santa. I don't remember being crushed as a child when I found out about Santa, I only remember the joy of waking up on Christmas morning to a full stocking and the anticipation of waiting for the big guy. We were so poor that I don't know how we ever had a Christmas but somehow there were always gifts from Santa, to me that's what he's about, not lying but believing.
People take really strange things far too literally, takes the fun out of the simple things in my opinion.
OMG you are living my life!!!! (Mine is lying behind me as I type this!)nm
x
As the saying goes - "Let lying dogs sleep" - no DNA is not in order
What on God's good earth would that accomplish? So that some sick tabloid could then publish a story about this? Those kids know MJ as their father. I don't care whether someone thinks they don't or do look like him. I have a brother in law who looks nothing - and I mean absolutely nothing - facial features, hair color, skin color, or anything, like anyone in his family or even any ancestors in his family. When husband and his sibling are together they all act alike and they all have the same smile, two of them have the same eyes, 3 of them have the same nose, and the way they say certain things they sound like each other and their parents, but not my BIL, his hair, skin color, the way he laughs, talks, or moves - absolutely nothing like his mother, father or any of his siblings. They joke that he was switched at birth, but from the time he was born he was never out of his mother's site in the hospital.
I think most of America does not need to know whether or not the children are really his. For someone to come out and say "I think a DNA is on order", the family should tell that media clown - it is none of your business, leave Michael Jackson's kids alone. They are going through enough as it is. I hope MJ's family tells them no. And I think Debbie Rowe should keep her trap shut.
No, but I hate my lying, stealing, sociopathic brother. Does that count? NM
z
Leave Them In
My mom uses hers a lot and she leaves them in. I use hers more than I use mine and I leave mine in, too. I just got it out yesterday after a year of not using it and it still worked.
What about when they just leave their
carts in line, taking their packages and leaving for you to move out of the way. I say Excuse me, is this your cart? How rude.
get him help or leave him
nm
No, but I tell her where I'm going and bye-bye when I leave
s
I do want to leave, but (sm)
him being so agreeable scares me. I want to believe that he has been thinking the same thing and that me being the one to say it makes it easier for him not to be the "bad guy" but I am just scared that he is going to somehow try to cause me problems, I guess I just don't trust him.
Why leave is everything is okay? nm
nm
Take this from me. Leave her alone. Seriously. She will come to you sm
when she is good and ready. I was living in a snowed in town, my baby son was born in the middle of winter, my mom was 3,000 miles away, had my MIL with me, husband went back to work a week after son was born. I DIDN'T WANT ANY COMPANY. I didn't realize it at the time but I was suffering from severe PPD. And anything anyone said or did (sister in laws all acted like you did- confused, hurt, did not understand), all because they've never walked an inch in my shoes. I've been where you're friend now walks. Leave her alone. Let her mom know you are still there for her. Don't you dare give up on her, either, due to being offended. I lost a few so called friends because they couldn't handle the way I acted after my first son was born. My reaction: Good riddance. You were never my true friends anyway.
I could write a book on PPD. This is clearly what she is suffering from. And please don't tell me, "oh, just call me! I can help you! I just want to sit in the room with you!" Please. No. You don't understand. It is a severe mental condition. At this point you need meds, rest, and understanding.
Let me make a long story short. I had this one friend from college who INSISTED on seeing me. She came to the house 5 days after I got home. I LOCKED myself and the baby in the room, sat in the rocker and NEVER once left the room. I didn't want to see her. I, the social butterfly, couldn't understand it at the time, but I will tell you that I resented her "bugging" me like that. Of course, 6 months later, we were friends again. But that day was torture for me.
You don't know what she is going through, like I said. Just be there for her. Pray for her. She will come around. 8 days is too soon to bother with her if she is not ready. Having a baby is a truly precious and personal thing and all women have to deal with this event in their own way.
Women must understand this. Even friends.
Leave
Your last paragraph reveals a lot. You don't respect him and he doesn't respect you. You are not shallow. The two of you have grown apart and he is not the kind of man you want to spend your life with. Cut your losses and get out.
I leave it on
but no one eats it. It's kinda hard so I always thought it had a bone in it and probably would be difficult to take off. From now on I will probably remove it.
Leave now
It will be hard, but you can make it. I left after a nightmare of 10 years. I had 2 kids and not much money, but I got help from the state and survived by sheer will. The happiness of being free and the pride in becoming independent are well worth it. Good luck to you. Go get happy!
leave
You said you stayed with family out of state once before - can you take the kids and do that again? That might be the safest thing - then file for divorce, etc. You know him better than we do - so just trust your instincts and keep yourself and your kids safe - but you do need to get out of that marriage. . Take care and let us know how things are going.
She needs to leave well enough alone. He
might seem like her knight in shining army, but she has built a life with someone else. Obviously, she is not too unhappy to have stayed in her marriage for 25 years. Every once in a while I see my ex-fiance and my heart still gives a little extra thump. Then I stop and look at what I have. I have a wonderful husband of 30 years, 2 beautiful children, 1 adorable grandson. What more could I want. Yeah, the first guy was what some would call the love of my life. That doesn't lessen the love that I feel for my husband. The other man is now into his second marriage and, from all accounts, cheated his way through the first and they divorced after 20 years of marriage. As for my marriage, it's had its ups and downs just like any marriage, but, all in all, it has been very, very good and I wouldn't trade what I have for all the "thumps" in my heart. I could have married him and ended up being the one cheated on and divorced after 20 years. Thank God (quite literally) that I was spared that. 
You wish they would all leave?
because you have to transcribe ESLs and it is irritating, now you wish they would all leave? I didn't realize being an MT was so stressful for some. Glad I'm able to handle it. I must be a stronger person. Oh I love coming here! Makes me feel so much better about myself.
Why is it okay to leave this post up, but
delete all the other ones?
Well don't leave us hanging - let's have it!!! nm
Even a big man is not home 24/7. Leave while he is gone
d
If she wanted to leave she would have done so
It sounds like it's drama she is posting.
She is a grown woman and could have easily left him during church, while he was sleeping, at work, ect if she *really* wanted to leave.
Please tell me she didn't leave the dog...sm
with him! I'd be afraid for the dog's safety, as well as the dog being used to manipulate your daughter...
i did leave, but came back
I read your post, and just wanted to add to my post below that I did leave and just came back within the last 3 weeks. Things were pretty good at first, but now, even last night, he comes home from work at 2 am. The kids and I have been in bed for hours, and he starts a rant at 3 am about the milk being all gone that he bought the day before, and about my daughter using his shaving cream up in the bathtub. I just don't know where to go at this point. School is getting ready to start and my kids love this area. The only place I could go at this point is my mother's, that is where I went before. I don't know, I'm just venting and praying while I work. Thanks.
I did leave him once for about nine days...sm
After only 7 months of marriage I left and sort of went into hiding from him. He didn't have any idea where I was. When I finally contacted him he was totally distraught. He begged me to come back and made all kinds of promises to get counseling and go to anger management classes. Of course, the same week that I returned the "old" husband came right back.
One reason I really can't leave now is b/c we have total custody of my step-daughter and I am the only mother she has ever truly had. I don't feel like I can leave and desert her. There is no way I could ever get custody of her in our state. Thus, I keep on dragging along taking whatever is dished out my way.
I leave the radio on for them
We go away about once a month for a few days to visit my husband's mother who lives out of state, about a 4 hour drive away, and I always leave the radio on for our 3 cats just to sort of keep them company.
All the more reason why you should leave.
Do you have any friends or family that you can stay with, so you aren't alone? Not sure if it's him you are afraid of or the legal/financial stuff but maybe you would feel better if you talked to someone close to you about the situation.
Leave some $ on dresser and see what happens.
x
Fo Done: Is it right to leave a husband...
My answer to your question, in your case, is: No.
Maybe now you reject your husband so much because of this letter he wrote you, but I am sure that he regrets it and he wrote it in a state 'when he was out of his mind'. He apologized!
It is very seldom that men apologize.
Give him some t i m e to prove (oh my, I really think in this case it is prove, because it can be replaced by 'showing', but if the majority says it's proof, ok, then it's proof, I am confused now) that he wants to treat you better, give him another chance.
Don't forget, but forgive.
I am the only one who advises you to stay; I cannot believe this. All others give you their own 'horror stories', much worse than yours. Is this giving advice? Counseling?
Keep in mind, you can often give it a try, make it a little better, day by day, it takes only o n c e to leave and this is it, it's final.
Maybe if you stay, down the road, you will thank me for telling you to stay.
But......if he starts to physically abuse you, leave immediatley.
Now I am already expecting comments like....
'emotional abuse is even worse than physical abuse....etc....'
It depends on the grade of verbal abuse; some people regard even criticism as emotional and verbal abuse.
Can you not make it and just leave the
x
I did leave the seeds in...
maybe that's it. Strange stuff.
I also read you have to have a pressure-cooker for green beans and corn. I decided to blanch and freeze mine because I don't have the money right now for a pressure-cooker but that's on my list to watch the upcoming sales so I have one for next year.
Good luck to you too! Its a great way to save money after the start up costs and a much healthier alternative to store bought.
if you ask if you should leave on this board
The answer will be yes. No one will ever suggest that you do otherwise. This is the "you go girl, we hate men, leave the dirt bags, the kids will get over it" board.
I probably would tell hubs he had to leave
Nah, just kidding. The mama is trying to hide the kittens. The kittens will nurse for about 4 weeks and then they should be able to eat at least soft kitty food. Mama will start refusing to nurse when she wants the kitties to let her go, but about 4 weeks. I just had a baby kitten at my home today- the girl who does rescuing with me brought it by. She got at animal control and it was just a baby, about 4 or 5 weeks old.
No One Can Ask You To Leave Your Own Home
It does not matter whose name the house is in. Do you live in a community property state? Most of them are. The house is community/marital property even if it is in his name. Let him try to sell it without you signing to do that. He can not do that and he can not tell you to leave, no matter how much notice he gives you. HE SAYS he spoke with a lawyer who gave him that bit of advice?? Oh really??? Then tell him to have that lawyer speak to you and tell you that you have to leave YOUR home. That's right - YOUR home. You are married, right? He cannot make you leave.
Since it has come to this, though, I would start getting my ducks in a row financially and otherwise because it sounds like the beginning of the end, no matter how long that takes. To thine own self be true!! Start socking away your possessions and money without his knowledge as previously advised. Hopefully YOU will decide when it is time to go and you will be prepared. People always think they will patch things up and not have to worry about it. Not true. Eventually this WILL play out. Be ready. My heart goes out to you. Please take care of YOURSELF.
Nope - I would leave it there until Christmas! nm
x
and where did that thought leave you? just curious. nm
nm
Next time use Crisco oil. Leave it on for at least
12 hours. Then use Joy dishwashing liquid as it will remove the greasiness. My eldest has enough hair for 4 people and this not only got rid of the lice with 1 treatment, her hair was really shiny too! :)
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