Learn to speak your partner's love language.
Posted By: sm on 2007-01-30
In Reply to: Keeping the spark in your marriage... - ??
For example, when my husband does things around the house for me (acts of service), I really feel loved by him, so he makes it a point to do those things. He, on the other hand, is a 'touch and affection' kind of guy, so when I wrap my arms around him, stroke his hair, etc., he really feels loved by me. It's hard for me, because I'll do things for my husband all the time and think I'm showing my love, but since that's not his love language, it does nothing for him.
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why can people immigrate to the US if they don't yet speak the language? Canada you have to speak
We briefly looked at emigrating to Canada. They have a point system for admission. You must know at least one and preferably two of their national languages to be admitted (English and French). You also must be young, healthy, and either independently wealthy, or educated and highly skilled in high-income professions. You cannot have a family member with a chronic illness, even if they are not coming with you, because you might send your income home to help them rather than spending it in the Canadian economy. Every child or dependent you have is measured against your wage earning power and if it looks like your family might tax the social system too much, you are turned down. This all makes perfect sense even though it may seem unfair (we looked at it before and decided not to go due to their arms laws. Now they wouldn't take us anyway because I have been diagnosed with MS since then).
This is very, very different from the US who it seems will take anyone and everyone.
I heard about a US chicken processing factory that was working with Welfare to put people to work because their supply of immigrant labor had run short. So, why don't we limit immigration until every American is working who can? And pay them a living wage with healthcare (illegal immigrants are too afraid to ask for these things and so the wage drops and benefits are not provided).
Because it is unusual that people speak ONLY one language!..nm
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Why stay if there's no love there?!! You deserve a much nicer life partner, girl.
s
Love when Octomom told her mother she would just have to learn to let go?
Hmmmm, I think the Octomom is having to depend on her mother, right? Why does not the Octomom just move the heck out and then maybe the g'mother could let go.
People in other countries do not chose to learn English, they HAVE to learn it in school
for a period of 8 to 12 years.
That's great! Everyone should learn to cook & learn
s
Dad said: You can learn from your own mistakes, but it's easier to learn from
x
Has your partner changes over the years
Or are they still the same as when you were first with them. What made me think about this is last night I wanted him to watch a movie with me. One I'd knew he would enjoy because we've always like movies like this one. When it was over he looked at me and said "was that supposed to be enjoyable, I didn't understand it". So I explained the plot in about 4 sentences. Same with a music group I had thought he would like because we listen to other groups similar. He said afterward "why in the world would you think I would enjoy something like that". I said because we listen to other groups that sound similar. I find the jokes I tell him he doesn't laugh at, but when he tells a joke I laugh. Once I didn't laugh and he asked why I was in such a bad mood. I said I just didn't get the joke and he rolled his eyes and walked away. He just doesn't seem like the same person I first fell in love with. When we married he was sure of himself. Knew what he wanted, responsible, etc. Now he doesn't know what he wants to do with himself. We do still laugh, enjoy movies together and other things, but things just seem to be different after 30 years. I spend a lot of time wondering if its me or him. Just wondered if others go through the same thing.
had the man been there the previous time with his partner?
//
Sound like you actually have a good partner. Above posts, not so much.
x
As an equal partner in this marriage, why is it wrong for me to express my wants? (sm)
You seem to imply that because he wants to live here, I have to whether I like it or not. I have lived here for over 10 years. Why is it wrong for me to want what I want, but okay for him to impose his wants on me?
Also blessed w/a great hubs, partner, and father to the kids. Fixes our cars, scrubs the carpets,
v
The language?
You said subtitles and some English, nothing then spoken with Indian dialect?
BAD LANGUAGE
I taught my children to never use bad language (cuss), and they do not do it in front of me, but from what I am told, they do it when I am not around. Now if they can not cuss when I am around (which is a lot), why cannot they stop cussing all together? I did say d___ once when I was raising 2 teenage boys and at the end of my rope on what to do with them. My mother said d___ once when I was a little girl, and I remember praying that she would not be struck down or sent to he__. LOL
Ah but most of us learned the language! lol
x
I'v always been language-challenged
:) but that's good to know and think about!
Please watch your language
It is okay to disagree with any particular post, but unnecessary to use vulgar language.
Sign language.
I don't have deaf dogs, although I would in a heartbeat without question. However, I have two dogs and I train them with voice and with hand motions as well. Its amazing how much they knew with hand motions before I even trained them because I make those motions subconsciously when giving them my commands. I did this for their safety in public situations and because one is in search and rescue and its easier and sometimes good to have them not only paying attention to you but also to be able to communicate in silence depending on the situation. it also helps because should someone else try to control your dog, they would have to know the signs, much like teaching a dog commands in another language. Its pretty cool stuff really. They pick up movement far faster and with seemingly greater intelligence than the sound of whatever word you are giving. I am amazed everyday at how intelligent my dogs can be. ;)
English as a Second Language - nm
nm
American Southern Language
Okay, I need some help. I live northern Florida - not a native. A friend of mine in dental school says one of his instructors uses this phrase, "Your work looks like a cat could go through it." No one in the class knows what this means. Anyone know? TIA
Sorry didn't mean to use such strong language
Both were borderline diabetic and had heavy heart disease and strokes in their families. My niece had it done and BS'd her way through it. Easy to con a psychiatrist into thinking your life isn't worth living etc and then they fill out the paperwork for the insurance.
Do you use bad language / dirty words?
I try not to use dirty words. I feel that it just shows that I have a limited vocabulary. (My kids hate that). However, there are times, that I fall back and say things I should not.
Today was one of those days. I said the "f" word. Well, actually, I didn't say the "f" word. I said I am "f" mad. Not fing mad just "f" (the letter) mad.
I always told my children that this is a word that should only be used in the most dire circumstance if at all.
What got into you? Why so aggressive? Watch your language...nm
nm
Agree nothing wrong with speaking other language
x
Was it her poor language or the fact it was "ebonics" irritating you?
I'm not touching this one because it's starting to sound a bit like racially-motivated irritation rather than simply poor language skills.
*sigh*
Poll time - should a 12-17-year-old have adult language CDs and R-rated movies...sm
bought for them? My husband & I disagree on this. Our 15-year-old daughter wants a DVD from a rock group that has the adult language warnings on them and I don't want them to have any of them, but he doesn't see a problem with it. He says she can hear language like that at school but I don't think a kid should own it to listen to the foul mouthed stuff at their own leisure. What do you think?
I would say no, I speak though as one of the few who cannot -sm
breastfeed though (apparently something is missing or does not work right anyways ), so both my kids were formula fed. It is dangerous to have it drilled into you that you should breast-feed. I tried and tried not knowing any better and my poor daughter basically starved her first week of life, once the doctor's realized I was not making any milk they/we got her on formula right away. I had been giving her about 4 ounces a day of formula anyway once we suspected something was wrong, but they basically yelled at me for doing that. Luckily my child made it through okay and boy could she suck it down once she had something to drink. Too much emphasis is put on breastfeeding, etc. Most of us were probably formula fed and I am sure we all turned out okay.
Please, you cannot speak for all of us...
because I happen to be a Jewish person who believes ALL PEOPLE are the sons and daughters of G_d......and let us not forget that Jesus was Jewish!
We are all the sons and daughters of The Lord......we all need to open our minds.
Have a GREAT Saturday and Shabbot Shalom!! 
Me too, but only if I could speak
nm
I can't speak from experience, but (sm)
by what you describe, it sounds as if it was caught early. This makes all the difference, from what I have read with all cancers, but especially with ovarian cancer - very hard to detect. So that cyst was probably a good thing for you!! I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know how things go.
Ask to speak with his supervisor and also
write a letter to the bank (and headquarters) telling them what happened and make sure you get the man's name and refer to him often in your letter.
speak for yourself SWEETHEART--sm
but not this person. Just stay away from me...I don't want to get hit by any lightening bolts aimed at you. lol. and please stop trying to shove your atheist beliefs down my throat, too. It is all BS as far as I am concerned.
Excuse, did not speak about yours
you must have been trying to read between the lines and never said anything about your dear one. You imaged.
consider yourself blessed - not many speak same
It's your husband who should speak up for you, but
know that the situation may never change to a warm, loving relationship with your in-laws. I'm in something of the same situation, but nowhere near as bad as yours. I haven't really had to have my husband speak up for me, because in my case, I don't really care to socialize with my siblings-in-law. My MIL was always nice about sitting for the kids, but now that my kids are grown, that's not a factor anymore. The last time we all gathered together was at my FIL's funeral last year.
It is harder when you have little children, and your own supportive family is 3000 miles away. But where you need to place your focus is on your husband and yourself. Talk with him about it, calmly. What does he say? Is he willing to keep his relationship with his family to the courtesy sort of functions where ALL of you are invited? If so, HE should tell them why he is keeping his family (you and the children are his family now) from this toxic situation. And if they agree to have you all at their functions but still treat you badly, then it's your husband who should address the situation with his sisters and mother. If you are the person at the front of this, you will never win. Your husband has to realize that you and his children are his first responsibility, and that he should defend that relationship at all cost.
I do not see how any siblings could ever speak to him again
Maybe they have forgiven but I have heard (not from my friend) but other members of the family he is a gambler, womanizer and really not someone you would want to be around. This, though the friend says, had absolutely nothing to do with wanting the name change but parents are not always someone you can look up to and honor. I respected my father until I found out about the molestation, then no more.
What is the "pop" of which you speak?
Not trying to cause trouble, just don't understand what you are saying.
To the OP - hang in there! It will work out.
I would suggest she also speak with
the hospital administration about this issue. I would think it is a definite violation not to have him in an isolated room, which would be indicated outside the patient's room. Not only are they being exposed, but the patient may be being exposed to other viruses in an immune-compromised state.
It does speak to his character.........
Others can try to sugar coat it or find excuses, but it does speak to his character and what he deems important. Did your daughter speak up and say anything to him about this or did she just sit idly by? I have had the same situation and it does speak volumes for both.
do you speak with your hands - and I don't mean
My husband does not listen to me either. He looks like he's paying attention but he misses half of what I say. Couple thought I have is. Awhile ago we were watching a TV special it said that people listen and remember what you say when you talk with your hands (the study was done on school children). Well I don't talk with my hands. Never have and don't know how and when it do it just looks odd. I told him maybe I should start talking with my hands because then he would remember what I tell him.
I'm not sure if this is a normal thing for guys or not. We've been married 26 years and he hardly ever listens to me. I have to repeat things 2 and 3 times. Once we were getting ready to do 3 errands. As we were driving I asked where he was going and he said to this place and I said no, we have to hit these other 2 places first and he claims I never told him. I said I told him twice and then he became irate as though I was pointing out a mistake (he does not take kindly to me pointing out that he made a mistake even if I say it nicely, but he has no qualms in telling me whenever I made a mistake). Anyway...I don't know when my husband stopped listening to me either. Maybe about 10 or so years ago. He'll listen, but I think a lot of it is if I don't say what he want's to hear he just tunes me out. Our things are not major life threatening issues, but a lot have to do with "what he's going to do when he grows up". He's been out of work for about 5 years now and he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life (he's 50 years old). We will talk and talk and talk and then the next day it's back to square one like I never said anything.
Sometimes what I will do that helps is I take scratch pieces of paper and I write notes on them and them leave them all over the place. Like I keep a running list of errands we have to do and keep it on the corner of the table and a couple times through the week I will say we need to to this or we need to do that, and then I ask him when he would like to go do them (usually it's just the grocery store, or the place to pay our bills), but at least that gives him the option of feeling like he's in control of when its going to be done, when actually I am the one in control because the bill will need to be paid in the week. He too can be disrespectful of me and look at me funny if I'm telling him something, so what I've done is if I get the look from him I immediately stop talking. Then I will say the same exact thing he does to me "your not interested in what I'm saying?"
Maybe the note thing will help, it does with me. I wish you luck.
I guess I can't speak for everyone..
but I did not have that difficult a time stopping. I had tried before, but I could always come up with excuses for myself to keep smoking. For you,it could be different. And, of course, I had the meds. I do hope you will quit, for your health's sake, and I wish you luck. I never meant to sound offensive.
Funny you should speak of this
My now deceased MIL raised some piggies and she named them. I could not go and eat a friend I had named and raised, would be like eating one of my kitties. You know the older I get the more vegetables get to looking better to me just because more appealing to me. Have you ever had any problems like anemia for not having meat in your diet?
Can't speak for Pugmom - but when I see () or J**B
I would much rather read Pugmom's posts than her hater's posts. The poster above needs to learn how to spell. No wonder she is so angry. She is an MT that cannot spell or make a proper sentence. 
I LOVE love love shallots! I use them in everything that calls for an onion and/or garlic. Mmmmmm. n
x
Speak to the director of financial aid
Ditto the advice on Voc Rehab.
You should be able to get food stamps *if* you qualify for work-study OR work at least 20 hours/week. I would appeal their denial ASAP. Ask for the caseworker's supervisor and say you want to appeal their decision. They should send you a letter with a "hearing" date on it.
Call and ask to speak with the Director of Financial Aid. Be persistent and keep asking for him. If you can't get through go to the Provost office or some higher up at the college. I've done it with a 18 month old in a stroller at my side! :)
One more thing - every single school I have ever attended had some sort of emergency loan for students. It's usually called a short-term loan or something like that. Also see if you can get $ on your ID card for the cafeteria. That can put that on the loan too.
The writing is on the wall, so to speak
You make a difference in the g'parents- your children are picking up on this. I had a similar thing going on with my son- my mother did all the loving, fun things he wanted- my father (they were divorced, each remarried) was strict, no fun to be around, hardworking but I believed in their being able to share and I did. Both are deceased now and I do not regret having him spend as much time with 1 as the other. Oh, BTW, one of my most enjoyable things as a child was when I spent time with my father and his wife- they had a small garden and I absolutely loved to dig up the potatoes- used to beg to get to do it. You should have a good talk with everyone and insist spending time with all- don’t let your feelings play into their hesitancy on going. Grandparents are not always right but she wants to have some time with them. Not all g'parents want to be bothered with kids, believe it or not.
Excuse me, I speak Jive.
I would love to see a clip of that part again!
Not judging honey, believe me, I speak...
my mind and you could tell if I was judging others. This place is teeming with unhappy, whining, complaining women (just look at some of the posts all over this site) and that is not a judgement, it is fact. As far as being in the same situation as others one day, if you read any of my posts you would see that I have been there, done that and changed my ways. Should something happen, we have learned to save money, have enough put away to last a year and not have to touch any retirement, etc. That took a lot of determination and hard work on our part and we are proud of it.
I am get a good chuckle out of some women who accuse other women of "living off their husbands" and "where would you be without his money". I can make my own money, but my husband doesn't tell me that i need to work and doesn't tell me how much I need to make. He is the provider in this family and has never once asked me to work harder, earn more or get a different job. Remember when men used to do that and our mother's stayed home and raised the family and didn't work? Are you jealous of your girl friends or family members that don't have to work or who live debt free or do you hold that judgement for those you do not know?
Enough of this for now. I'm sure someone will have something to bash me about later on...go ahead, it just shows how very immature some women can be.
You are so true when you speak of the furkids
I lost my older girl last January and she was born and died at my home- she was 18. My grown daughter still can hardly speak of her, gets all misty. I have 3 more but they never take the place of the one who is gone. Each is their own little separate kitty. I told my hubby never could run around, not enough time- got to see about the pets, feeding, watering, treats, it goes on and on all day.
you should speak to your spiritual advisor
Do you attend a church or other religious program? If so, you really should speak to someone there about your situation. I know several of my local churches offer to put together Christmas dinners for those who can't afford to and they've also given cash to them to buy for their families or help with their bills. People are more generous than you might realize.
Do you have children and/or a significant other? Depending on who you need to "shop" for, we may be able to offer nonmonetary suggestions that will make you feel good and the person you're giving the "gift" to.
Things are always worse than they seem. Hope your spirits are lifted soon. Good will.
Take it easy! How many languages do you speak? ..sm
Give some respect to people who are bilingual and even trilingual.
MTing is probabaly the only thing you can do!
The OP complained only about the position of the month and day in the date, geez!
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