Lady, it is not normal for men to beat women...
Posted By: getaclue on 2009-01-27
In Reply to: does every woman experience being hit by her spouse at some point? sm - anonmt
if you don't know that you are not mature enough to date, let alone marry and have children with a man. Just get out, get some therapy of some kind and get an idea of what a HEALTHY relationship should be like before venturing into another one. Flame away, BTDT, so don't bother to bash me...it won't change my opinion.
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women beat themselves up - it NEVER - sm
has anything to do with you, male, female or animal. It is his behavior. You cannot change that. You can get really miserable trying to - been there, done that.
Lady, just get out. You women who vacillate should I or
shouldn't I....grow a spine, do what is best for you and your children and be assertive about it. Life is too short to be unhappy.
yo trose? What is *normal*? Normal means
*normal*? that only means one has a preconceived idea of what sanity is....
which I don't - so I have no answer......*lol*
what's *normal*?? Normal only means one has a
Please don't beat yourself up over this...
stuff like this happens, unfortunately. My daughter had her bike stolen off our front porch one evening while we were away. And yes, we bought her another one because ALL of the bikes were on the front porch and hers just happened to be the one they took. Hard lessons are definitely not pleasant to learn, but I think that's why we learn from them!
....and the beat still goes on!
Oh ya, this white girl got 'da moves! (of course now I need to take a couple of Advil before and after said moves...)
is beat them up.
x
don't beat yourself up about this....
I would just be honest with the MIL and let her know how upset the girls get before having to stay over and suggest that maybe they just spend the day and come home at night. Too bad if you seem selfish...they are your children and you only want them to be happy. My ex-MIL seems much like yours...She got her way ALL of the time and if for some reason something didn't go her way...I was always the one to take the blame. I became tired of the controlling behavior and told HER that way it was going to BE from now on (this was after her son and I were through)...I did not care how she felt about it at that point because I had stuffed my feelings and my wishes away to accommodate hers for so long that I didn't enjoy holidays as I should have. I regret those lost years. I think she was trying to make up for the years she was raising my ex and basically neglected him and his brothers and wanted to redeem herself with my children. Needless to say...my son has a relationship with her, but my daughter, who is the youngest and was not treated as well by her, sees her maybe once a year, whereas my son sees her weekly. My son had been forced to spend time with her, while my daughter did not. I would pick her up when she would cry at night. Maybe I should have made her stick it out, but this woman was not nice to my daughter in the least. This was even confirmed by my son. So...what the kids get out of their relationship with their grandparents is totally up to the grandparent's efforts. I think it should be a positive experience...If not...skip the overnights...just visit for the day and she will have to deal with it. Who cares if you are the mean one in your MIL's eyes...You are a mother first.
don't beat yourself up...sm
There's no help for that burnt ring in the carpet unless you've got another hunk of the same carpet in left the garage, cut out the burnt part and carefully replace it...Otherwise, a throw rug is always an option.  Cat
I ran around on the first and the 2nd one beat me, so
I got divorced, yes I will take responsibility for the failures. My fault.
I can beat that.
When I first got married, my husband said "where do you keep the ice?" I knew then I was in deep trouble.
Don't beat yourself up on this.
Kids are kids. My son, at age 17, got his 15 yo girlfriend pregnant. Her parents screamed at us at first threatening to have our son arrested, and we screamed at him at first, but then sat down and had a long conversation with him. He didn't want to get married right then and neither did she. They decided to get married when they both graduated from high school, but he couldn't give up his "bum friends" so she broke it off with him after our grandson was 2 yo. Didn't blame her one bit. We are still friendly after all these years. The "baby" is now 18 and they still talk. We see our grandson every 2 weeks since they broke up and we still miss her as a future daughter-in-law, but they are both married to someone else now..
I would say not to get too involved and let them work it out themselves. She is probably going through a lot with the pregnancy and doesn't really mean what she says. She's probably pretty mad at herself for letting herself get pregnant and trying to put the blame on everyone else to make herself feel better. At her age, she probably feels her independent life is over and it's all your son's fault, but it's not all his fault.
My "ex-to-be" daugther-in-law became a nurse making mucho dollars without my son, married a nice guy, had another baby, and we all still get along. All my son did was pay support VOLUNTARILY for the 18 years and keep in touch with his son, including when there was a crisis; i.e., staying out late, etc., and took the fatherly approach, trying to help raise our grandson equally.
Also, her parents and us are still friends although we don't see them as much since the grandson is now almost "a man", and they have other problems I won't go into, but we still wish our son and his ex would have gotten married...that's how much respect we have for her.
Am I making any kind of sense? Email me if you would like to chat further.
Got you beat - 23, 30. 37 and almost 44!
My "baby" just turned 14 and now I'm starting over with grandkids.
Don't beat yourself up...........
I do have a question..... where has their father been? I take it you are divorced, so where has he been....where is his responsibility in all this? In my experience, more times than not, these problems stem from lack of a father figure in the home anyway and I know that from experience.
How convenient for his father not to go get him....after all, he obviously knows you will do what is his responsibility, so why should he bother!!
I realize your son is not a minor any longer, but his father, if a decent human being, could go a long ways in helping his son grow up. Might there have been something in your son's past which leads him to be so clingy and irresponsible? Just wondering. It sounds truly like he is afraid to grow up, low self-esteem, and insecure, so bullying his mom makes him feel important and like a big man because he gets by with it. He knows he couldn't do anyone else like that because they won't tolerate him. If there is any way you could speak with their father, maybe, just MAYBE he could see fit to pull his weight and involve himself a little in their lives to help push them towards a more positive end...
I'm really truly sorry you are having to go through this but you are right; your peace of mind has to come first right now. If you don't put that first, how in the heck are you going to continue to take care of yourself because obviously, your children aren't capable.
Got you beat by miles! $3.23 in CA (sm)
and $86 to fill up our Expedition. Which is why we mostly keep it parked in the garage nowadays. Bought in back in 1999 before all this gas price gouging hooey.
If this were dead beat dad instead of dead beat mom, would
adfs
How do you beat the boredeom?
I'm off tomorrow, but I'm so bored and restless today I can't stay in my seat. Usually I can motivate myself by remembering that the poor house is just around the corner, but I'm really chopping at the bit today and I don't want to do this. I have about 5 hours to go - any words of inspiration? TIA
have always loved your name - got you beat
on age - but my Ipod goes from Creed to Peter Gabriel to Staind to Paul Rodgers and in between Lonestar and Indigo Girls and Oh, my new favorite song - the theme from Saving Grace by Everlast! It is so much more convenient than the CD player. I got a little shuffle cause I wanted to start slow and make sure I could work things and I'm doing fine.
I got you beat, when little my kitties had
their own bedroom with everything their little hearts desired. Their tower, their litter box, their toys, you name it and it was theirs.
Ok, I give. you got me beat.
Have not added on for the furkids so you won!
I can beat that one - I did much worse! -sm
I used to transport horses as an almost-full-time second job. (Did so for almost 30 years). Had 3 trucks & 2 trailers. I live in an apt., so could only park 1 truck there. The rest I 'boarded' at a local stable. On a hot summer day, I pulled in and parked my rig, and covered the truck with a dust cover (since the riding arena was right nearby... saved me lots of cleaning.) So I locked everything up, got in my smaller truck, and drove home.
TWO DAYS LATER, I'm at work, and get a frantic phone call from one of the trainers at the stable, saying they had to break into my truck. I of course flipped out at that, then she told me that the barn cat was in there meowing to be let out! She had apparently jumped in while I was back behind the trailer for a moment & the door was open, and jumped into the back seat and I never knew she was there.
That poor cat was in the truck with no food or water for 2 whole days in the middle of summer, when the temps were in the high 90's outside. The truck was in the direct sunlight all day long! It's amazing she survived, but she was apparently just fine. A dog in the same situation probably would have died. (I'm sure she did use up 6 or 7 of her 9 lives, though!)
Adam still is the one to beat
Yes, I agree he's become over-hyped. But to be honest, he's the only reason I am watching AI this season. All the other contestants remaining are BORING. I do believe Allison has a great voice and could have a very good future in music. Danny's songs all sound alike, and I have found him uninteresting from day 1, although he does have a decent voice. I always look forward to Adam, he is so talented and diverse. I don't get it when people say he's screechy, that's not what I'm hearing, LOL! He is on a totally different level than all the remaining contestants. My only beef with Adam is that his eye makeup looks so much better than mine does (when I bother with it).
Gotcha beat by
16 and this is how I feel. Have done this so long it is so easy and don't have to go out of the home to work, gosh I am glad about that because of several medical issues that make walking a lot a chore along with other things. There would be absolutely no way that I could leave home now for a job, have 3 kitties that are so needy. I think my husband gave them to me to be sure I did not have time to run around on him, just kidding!
WHO DAT say dey gonna beat dem Saints? Who dat? Who dat? :D (sm)
Sucks I have to work tomorrow, but I will take a lunch break to see the end.
One of the best, ever. Can't beat Ellen Burstyn.
x
and bagels! Can't beat a NY bagel. :) nm
s
Don't beat yourself up. If you divorce, no one will be good enough for him. sm
He has serious issues of self-worth himself to be so quick to point out your flaws. That's what people like him do - they point the finger and say, "You're not this or you're not that. You're too this or you're too that" when deep down inside it is actually them with the major problem.
I am going back to school to become a licensed marriage/family counselor and have read many, many books.
I do think, however,that you need to look deep within yourself and see where your self-worth is coming from. Don't allow him to shape the person you are supposed to be by his mean words. You need to tell him how much his words hurt you.
I personally don't think you should leave unless there are 1 of 2 things going on: Abuse or infedelity. If none are present, you should work on your marriage.
Too many women nowadays give up on their mates. If he wants to leave, let him leave. If he wants you to stay you should work it out. Set boundaries, though. Tell him that you will not stand for him pointing out your flaws and threatening divorce. You need to both a lion and a lamb to your spouse. Be sweet as a lamb, but bold as a lion if need be. They need us to be both.
I can go on all night about marriage but I won't waste any more of your time. Good luck.
U beat boredom by criticizing, I see - nm
nm
Maybe we should not beat a dead hourse (sm)
Hopefully we can all agree that what works in one marriage may not in another?
A bit of an off beat question but just wondering
I have always heard as well as said the word herb with the H silent. Martha Stewart is the only person I have ever heard say it with the H sound. Well being Martha Steward I would think she would know. What about everyone here, how do you say the word? Just curious.
I got you beat on the price you paid
I will not tell you what year I bought my home but it was 15,500. Yep, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath and stayed for a long time. Sold about a year or so ago for 165,000. I had added on over the years and had 2 baths and 3 bedrooms when sold plus other updates. Pretty good profit, huh?
But you might get beat up for hogging the Doritos! (sm)
xx
You beat me to it! I was going to suggest Estelle Harris
and Renee Taylor (even though YEAH she was blonde). She has the nose but Estelle has the hair. LOL.
personally I would sign that ban in a heart beat! sm
Having to breathe in someone elses disgusting smoke is sickening. It IS an addiction, as pointed out by someone else, but so is alcohol, also brought up by someone else. and yes, they should be doing more about that, as well. *They* should be doing a lot of things about a lot of things to change the way this world is headed...but then there is the saying *be the change you want to see in this world.*
If there are then go back to court. This is a dead beat mom,
dfs
No dead beat if no CS agreed on but not paying court
df
What kind of dog do you have? It's hard to beat natural instinct.
My cat keeps killing birds and laying them on my front porch as little gifts for me. I'm so thrilled at 6 a.m. when I get up and walk out on the front porch for my morning coffee and find a dead bird! But thankfully my cat goes after small prey. My neighbors cat brought home a big fat rat the other morning! YUK!!! I don't know where he got it and I don't want know!
Good luck!
How to deal with compulsive liars: If you can't beat them, join them.
x
Arthur Bryant's BBQ, No offense to you TN'ians but ya can't beat KC BBQ!
My friend has you beat... she paid $35,000 for a small piece of land
and a home 30 years ago; she just sold it for $375,000, clear profit; she and her DH paid it off last year and now are reaping the benefits.
maybe it's normal and I'm the odd one?
DS#1, age 17, likes a girl who is a junior, so she's probably 16 or 17. I'll call her J. DS has sort of liked her for a while, but she had a boyfriend. That boyfriend dumped her recently because he wanted to date someone else.
J was distraught over it for a couple of weeks and ended up going out with DS so now they're a "couple" and DS is very happy.
She's a bright girl, attractive, on the honor roll, very active in sports, tutors kids in the evening, is in the high school band, etc.
Anyway, J told my son that she needs to have a guy in her life and doesn't really feel complete without one.
Isn't it odd to feel that way, especially at that young of an age? Or maybe it's normal and I'm the odd one?
no it is not normal but is
very sad that she would think that. he needs to watch out or he will be paying child support the rest of his life!
Normal???
Definitely Normal
This is definitely normal behavior. I have a 13 year old and when she saw the Backstreet Boys back when she was older, she had a similar reaction. I remember feeling the same when I saw my "idols" years ago.
This is normal!
I was this way when I started too. I had my first period in December, just after my 12th birthday, and didn't have another one until March. Very common during the first year. And yes, her physical activity can be part of the reason...often athletes and the like have irregular menses.
TO: What is...normal
What is your problem? This woman is scared for her life and the lives of her children and you have the unmitigated gall to try to insinuate that she be subservient to this walking horror she is married to and make nice with him? Apparently your nerve is overwhelmed by any common sense you may have been born with. I wonder if you would feel the same if it were your sister, aunt or god forbid - your mother..ignorant..
To me, this is a normal job. I am up at 4 a.m. and
start work, take a break about 7 to shower and at least put on my work out clothes, including bra, some make up, etc, then backto work. Nothing worse to me than working in jammies...can't take the ob seriously, JMHO. I also like to look presentable should anyone visit (live very rurally, so doesn't usually happen) and especially when DH comes home from work. Who wants to see a wife still in jammies looking a wreck?
No. It is not normal.
My husband is my high school sweetheart. We have been together since we were 16 (39 now) and married for 17 years. We have had some heated arguments but never once has he laid a hand on me nor would he. Never once has either of us called names or disrespected one another. It is just not acceptable to treat someone you love with any less respect than you expect for yourself. It sounds like you do love him but he violated your trust and security in him. If he hasn't been abusive since that one incident, you could consider marriage counseling to help work through trust and forgiveness. If he is emotionally abusive, then it could just be a matter of time before it gets physical again. Your safety is the most important thing. Good luck.
Yes, it's normal. You do need help from DH, mom, in-law. You SM
need time to yourself. Even an hour a day. Believe me, it isn't easy and you should not feel you are the only one who feels the way you do.
Books, commercials, et. al, show endless scenes of serene mothers and babies. Most times are NOT serene, but, trust me, they get better. The more sure of yourself you become, the better things get and the second child will be easier. Wait a minute, I didn't have a second child, but my only child did!
Yes, it's normal. You do need help from DH, mom, in-law. You SM
need time to yourself. Even an hour a day. Believe me, it isn't easy and you should not feel you are the only one who feels the way you do.
Books, commercials, et. al, show endless scenes of serene mothers and babies. Most times are NOT serene, but, trust me, they get better. The more sure of yourself you become, the better things get and the second child will be easier. Wait a minute, I didn't have a second child, but my only child did!
very normal
My hubby is an OB/GYN and that is very common. Just a much better view. Annoying and uncomfortable, yes, but just a better view.
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