Lack of help from future son-in-law
Posted By: Susan on 2008-09-01
In Reply to:
Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I'm moving 60 miles away from where I'm now living next weekend for a new job at a big hospital in my hometown. I'm excited but nervous also. My daughter is getting married in November. I only have about 3 rooms of furniture and a lot of it is already boxed and in a storage room. I asked my daughter if "Bruce," her fiance, and his buddies could help move me, as I am single, with no father, brothers or friends who are able-bodied any longer (I'm 50+). She asked him and grudgingly he said something to the effect that he could, but we would have load the truck the night before and he would have to be finished up before noon the next day, and his friend would help for $200(!). The last straw was he told my daughter to tell me not to expect to have boxes, furniture placed or set up, because he HAD to get to the "Mud Bog" by 12:00 sharp.
Is this any way to treat a future in-law? He knows I don't have any family really. I did get a couple of co-workers and their husband/brother to help, thank goodness, but I'm really worried about the future with this boy--respect for me, priorities, selfishness--thanks in advance.
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does your future son-in-law sm
go to church each week. If not is he getting questioned like your daughter. I am Catholic and go to church every Sunday. I know from hearing family members that a priest will not marry you unless he has proof that you are going to Church each week. The envelopes are the proof. The priest does not want to marry you in the church just because your Catholic. So if your son in law does not go to Church he is at fault also. My DD is getting to another Catholic next year. She became very relaxed about going to Church. They registered back into the Church once they got engaged and waited six months before contacting the priest.
Some of what you said seems like it is the priest and not the Catholic religion. I would contact another Catholic priest and see if he feels the same. The bad part is if your daughter is probably getting turned off by the Catholic religion before she gets started. She will have to sign a paper promising she will raise her children Catholic. My daughter told me that there is separate paper work to fill out if you are living together so most people do lie. She does not live with her fiance. Also after they get married in the Catholic Church and then stop going most priests will not baptize the children just for the sake of it if the parents are not going to take the children to church. All this is really a shame because the Catholic church is turning a lot of people away. Good luck and give us any updates.
Think about future resale
I could only get preapproved for a mortgage on stick built homes. No modulars, no manufactured, nothing that had "ever been on wheels or classified as such on the tax roles". I had to pass up many good deals on great properties because my lender was adamant about stick built. So keep in mind it may be harder to sell when that time comes.
This just in from my future contractor
"You friend is correct, but may be jumping the gun a little bit.
As I said before, I would avoid purchasing a NEW PC with XP. This does not make sense, especially if your current PC is working for you. Extended support for Windows XP systems will continue through 2014 at least and probably longer. So the timeframe for upgrading is quite long…
I would not upgrade a current PC (more than 2 years old) to Vista under any circumstances. With anything less than 2 Gig of RAM, the Vista OS slows to a crawl and many hardware vendors have not upgraded their drivers.
As far as a new machine goes, I would wait until the Vista SP1 (Service Pack 1) has had time to “soak” for a while before making any decision. It’s also MUCH better to change machines than trying to attempt an upgrade later (to Vista SPn for example).
Again, the other thing to consider is that not all vendors are currently ready to support Vista and the “compatibility mode” of Vista has been shown to be problematic.
So to summarize, here’s what I am suggesting to my clients and friends …
1. Let 2008 pass without upgrading.
2. Revisit the stability of Vista and the depth of vendor support in late 2008 to be ready for a planned migration from XP to Vista in 1Q 2009 at the earliest (and possibly later).
3. When considering the upgrade to Vista, plan a complete hardware upgrade as well.
If you would like to talk about this on the phone, feel free to contact me anytime. See this link http://www.microsoft.com/windows/products/windowsvista/sp1.mspx for more information about Vista SP1.
That is work; he is your future son-in-law
It sounds like you were lucky to get the offer you got and since you have no one you'd have been better off to take him up on it.
You certainly can't expect people to do things just out of the goodness of their heart when they know you can't stand them. If you can come on here and post about your future son-in-law's flaws, then I'm sure he knows how you feel.
What are you trying to prove here? He said he'd do it, that it would cost $200.00 for the friends to help (do you expect him to carry everything by himself), but that he couldn't place the furniture? So what's wrong with that?
For your future and that of your kids
You may not think so, but you've got a lot of things going for you, the most important being that you realize you need to do something.
Short term: You've gotten great advice about making small changes, like exercising, losing weight, etc. Go for it.
Long term: You're worried about bills, housing, and your children's reactions to changes in their lives, and those concerns are certainly valid. But there is something more important at stake: You do not want your unhappy marriage to be the template for your children's future relationships in adult life. They deserve better than that, and so do you. See a lawyer and plan your exit strategy. It may take time, but *commit* to change. Have you ever heard the saying, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step?" Take that step and you will be surprised what you can do.
I have lack of god as you put it, and
I hate to tell you, but you can be a good person and not believe in god. I'm not a criminal because I choose not to be not because I believe in god.
I'm so sick of hearing this kind of thing! I do not judge other people because they believe in god even though it's my opinion that they are wrong. However, all of the preachy people that throw god in my and everyone else's face, claim to be so righteous, etc., they judge me and everyone else. In fact, some of the most uncaring, insensitive, hateful people I have met have been "religious." Believing in god definitely didn't make them a good person.
Why does everything have to be about god with some people? What ever happened to religion being a personal choice and a personal thing between you and whatever you worship? Why do you have to force it on everyone else?
I don't force the fact that I don't believe in god on anyone else. I don't constantly tell them why there is no god and the reasons why I think that, but for some reason it's ok for other people to do the opposite to me and other's like me. What is it, if you hide behind religion it's ok to do/say whatever you want? If that's what having faith gets you, no thanks!
Might be exciting now, but future will be grim. SM
I would suggest adding some excitement to your marriage. Try to find the guy your husband was, that turned you on to him. That is where your attention should be.
You cannot go back again and you are not an 8th grader, but are acting like one.
Hmm, maybe modeling in her future? Hope
xx
You probably saved someone's life in the future.
A couple months ago there was a terrible head-on train crash near Los Angeles, and the cause of it was the engineer of the passenger train blew through a red light because he was texting some teenagers. It's a shame he was killed, because he should have lived to see the carnage he caused.
Lack of due care goes either way
x
What to do about lack of pets --
Got a problem...
I had a Pomeranian for 5 years. Had a cat for 4 months.
Last month I found out I was going to have to move (could not afford the old house any longer) and I found an apartment that would allow me to have my dog. Then, lo and behold, 2 weeks ago (4 days before I moved), someone stole my dog out of my backyard (no, did not get loose - someone took him). I canvassed the neighborhood, had the police visit several homes that were possible snatchers, but ended up having to move without finding him.
Well, the landlord would still not allow me to keep the cat even with paying a nice fat animal deposit so today I had to turn him over to the humane society. My daughter had planned on taking him, but he was just a little too aggressive for the 1 year old granddaughter.
So, now, I am sitting here missing my babies and thinking I am going to have to get another dog. Obviously I do not have a lot of money to spend on another dog, but I need and want the companionship and the fun that comes along with a dog. So, some suggestions on what you think would be the best for me to get.
I really love the dogs with all the hair (Shih Tzu, Pomeranian, Pekingese, etc), but I also think how nice it would be not to have all the hair all over me and the house. I also think that a "mutt" might make a good choice, but upon my visit to the humane society today to turn over my cat, there was nothing but big dogs and I had to move into an apartment, so I think that would be too much.
Darn it, I am just lonely and feel like I have lost 2 of my kids right now!
Yay, my future son-in-law is such a peach. HE didn't forget about me! nm
nm
Agree. Teachers of future generations should be better
iop
Went to HS with future Mrs. Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson
//
plain and simple, lack of God.
x
excuse my lack of knowledge, but
I thought medicinal marijuana was legalized in CA some time ago. What a horrible situation, this calls for an uprising, let the power of the people be heard. That is exactly why this stuff is going on - we let it.
sleep, or lack thereof
I read somewhere this past week that Sarah Palin only requires 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night. I remember in the past reading the same about Jay Leno. For a long time now I have thought about how much more I could accomplish if I could just get by on less sleep. I seem to function well with 7 hours and usually that is what I get.
Do you think that the ability to sleep 3 to 4 hours a night and actually function normally and enjoy life is a gift that a person is born with, or do you think it is something that can be learned? Do you think a person could get 1/2 hour less sleep per night every week, gradually getting used to less and less sleep, and still function well? Am I the only one who thinks about these things? 
Please share your thoughts on this. Do you know anybody who sleeps so few hours, and what is their quality of life?
Even if I was to try to overcome my lack of desire for him (sm)
He did in one case admit to cheating with a girl he met while fishing from a pier in the Outer Banks. He then denied saying that, but of course he said it. I have children to raise. Should I expose myself to possible diseases? He still has not gone to get tested, so why should I give in to him?
thank you so much for the quick response. Would this pose a problem for me in the future?? nm
Past, present, future. Still expecting miracle.
//
lack of etiquette just means one is a goon....
!!!
I read that a lack of vitamin D and boron can
cause psoriasis. The article said that a lot of vegetarians don't get psoriasis because they have a diet high in boron which helps with the conversion of vitamin D. It is because vegetarians eat food high in boron and vitamin D, i.e., veggies, fruit, etc, and the soild the veggies are grown in is high in these nutrients.
There was a post on here about helping psoriasis so I thought I would throw that in! Hope it helps.
if the sonogram was not wrong, for the future you may want to get your hormone levels checked. sm
a lot of times when women have multiple miscarriages at the stages you are it is because their hormones are off, in particularly low progesterone. if this is the case, in the future it can be corrected by taking progesterone at earliest sign of conception until about 11-12 weeks. so ask questions as to what your estrogen/progesterone levels were on your lab results today. have you carried any children yet to term? wish you the best of luck and pray for a good outcome......
Guess he can take out a loan for future schooling! Son found a phone
s
Well, if the shoe fits....her mothering *skills* or lack of
were atrocious. The fact she even had another baby and it was born methadone addicted is atrocious. The way she treated that old man, first off just marrying an 87-year-old crippled man because he was a billionaire(you think if he worked at McDonald's she'd have fallen IN LOVE with him?), and then holding a tape recorder up to him while exposing her breasts to get him to say "I want you to have half my money when I die" was atrocious, and how she then without any embarrassment at all fought HIS BLOOD FAMILY for his money after he was dead was atrocious. Meanwhile she was screwing around with other guys in the old man's bed while he was in the hosital! She was pure white trash and would do anything for money and recognition, so like I said if the shoe fits.... I certainly hope not but would NEVER doubt anything when it comes to that woman. Feel bad that she died but I'm no hypocrite and so I don't change my way of thinking just because someone tragically died, as so many others do......
As you said in post "it just boils down to lack of disipline
sd
Posts speak volumes in lack of trust
people have with their daughters. I have grown daughter so I guess now would be a different ballgame in the fact so many girls feel having sex and making babies at any young age, really young, is par for the course. Just talked with my 30 something daughter a few minutes ago and ran past her and she also thought creepy to keep list of periods. I guess you really have to do that these days though.
For me it is lack of sleep. I also can get them if my lips are chapped and peeling
and I bit at them, I will wake up the next day with a cold sore...I also get them on the rim of my nose and inside my nose(gross I know)and these come from me rubbing my nose too much from allergies!!!! Lysine helps some but I still tend to get them....STRESS, stress, stress!!!
Why wait for dad? When you do that, you imply you are the weaker parent, for lack of
You told him to sit for 4 hours (which I agree was harsh for an 8-yo) and gave in after 30 mins. Say what you mean and mean what you say, or the kids will think you're a pushover. Don't leave dad to be the enforcer, you enforce the rules, otherwise they'll fear dad but not you. Know what I mean?
WIRELESS NETWORK!!!- sounds like you are getting hacked (for lack of a better term)
You need to secure your network. Check outside your home at these times for a strange car. A neighbor with a teenage boy or girl using a wifi connection to access your network getting on a porn or gaming site that bills via a VOIP dial-up It can be done.
you want to make sure they cant access you need to secure your network with passwords and such and turn your router off at night when you go to bed no wireless = no connection.
Hope this helps feel free to email if you need some more info.
disgusting shows are proof of lack of intelligence of producers.
nm
Our kids got their own credit/debit cards when they hit 18 and got jobs. Their success or lack of
s
I did leave MQ, thanks to lack of work started PT with another company and full time yesteday.
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