LOL! Love it! Thanks. I'll be using this on my 3 sons! nm
Posted By: OP on 2007-11-29
In Reply to: Yep...spooning leads to forking! - nm
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you'll love it!
Let me know how much fun you had!
You'll love it
I just finished watching the season finale. Good scary stuff.
I'll have to check that out. I love the Martha Stewart
crafts. Thanks for all the help.
I'll join you!! I agree.made me cry too, love this stuff!
xx
My sons are 18 and 20.
One lives at college and the other is living at home while attending college. When they were both at home and under 18 I had the same rules as you, basically. During the week, except for their activity obligations of school, sports, scouts, they didn't do any "hang out" time. It did help that their high school was in the next county, and most of their school friends lived some distance away. When girlfriends came along, life was a little different. My oldest dated a girl who lived down the street. My youngest dated a girl who lived a good 30-minute drive away. Lucky for me, their parents had the same rules for hanging out. It was pretty much weekends only. My boys accepted it all in stride. But I have to say that I've been pretty strict about their attitude all of their lives. Since they first began to speak, they learned not to give attitude to their parents. In return, we always treated them with respect. The few times that they did raise their voices as teenagers, our conversation came to an end, and their requests were denied with no chance for a reversal of that decision. Worked nicely. But, again, I have to say we were very lucky in that most of their friends weren't right in our neighborhood and their girlfriends had the same rules.
The payoff is that now as responsible young adults, they've developed a good work ethic. Even my son living at college does well managing his free time, and will be an RA in his dorm next year, partly because he's shown maturity and isn't goofing off at college. (And I'm glad not to have to pay all of the room and board! Hooray!)
Sons
Boy this is sounding real familiar. I have a son who is a lot like yours. He is 16, very smart, but no motivation or willingness to work for good grades. I have wondered if part of his problem was that school came too easy for him in the early grades. He never had to study for spelling tests, etc. Now that he is in high school, he doesn't have the habit of studying. It is almost as though he doesn't even think about it. When I remind him that he has a test, he will study for a few minutes and get an A or B. If he really works at it, he can Ace the test. He doesn't really think grades are all that important. (I was used to my daughter's straight As and am trying to refrain from comparing the two kids.) I'm looking for ways to motivate him, and so far a lot of positive reinforcement is starting to help. Maybe visiting with the school counselor would help. My son is also looking for a job--I think he has too much time on his hands! The more time they have, the less they get done. Good luck.
Sons in Military - Thank You
Thanks, next time I hear from either one of my children, I'll ask them about this. I wonder why the military just doesn't supply them with it ????? Thanks so much.
Both of my sons are in college now.
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school.
My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasn't quite so much pressure on kids and parents when it came to college searches. We both chose Temple because it offered degree programs that we wanted and that we could afford. The campus wasn't pretty and it was a commuter school then, which meant that the "college experience" for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations.
Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didn't look at it as a means to move away from home or be on their own. (No college student is really on their own when living in a dorm, anyway.) They needed to determine what area they were interested in studying and then choose a school that offered a good program and that we could afford. The affordability factor was a big one for us. No one wants to have huge loans at the end of this "experience".
Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior.
Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though he's not sure what kind of an engineer. He is leaning towards civil engineering. He decided to live at home to save money. That narrowed his decision down to just two schools, Drexel and Temple, both a short train ride from our home. He applied to only those two schools, was accepted at both, and received decent scholarship offers from both. In the end, Temple was far more affordable, and so now our youngest walks the campus of our alma mater. Our friends and neighbors were shocked that our oldest applied to just one school, and our youngest applied to just two. They were amazed that we weren't on constant campus tours or worried about "options" and "fits".
Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming.
And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview.
Don't worry! You'll survive!
We only buy for our two sons, and they are older.
The youngest (18) wants a decent digital camera, so I think about $250 to $300 range plus some stocking stuffers. Oldest son is easily pleased. He's big into hats, and I bought him a leather "Indiana Jones" style hat, and a book so far. We may round out his gifts with cash, since he's a starving college student. Husband and I do not exchange gifts. My birthday is the day after Christmas, and that is just dinner out for the two of us. Our 24th anniversary is in January, and I already know that I want to get him an iPod. His 50th birthday is in April, and I would love to have a party for him. I'm definitely saving up for that, but it will be a relaxed party.
While are Christmas will be fairly simple, looking ahead, I'm trying to budget for some other things.
Trained my sons to help sm
Since I was a working mom, I always told my sons to expect to help around the house. They didn't do it for me that often, but now that they're married, they cook, iron, babysit and go to the market without complaining. I think I did a good job. My husband also helped around the house, so they had a good example of what it takes to make it work when mom has to work. Whether you pay someone to help or ask for help around the house, it doesn't matter. I could not have offered my kids a college education if I did not work and save for it. Some men think it demasculinizes them and that's sad. I also shoveled snow,did what I could to help without gender bias if no one else was home. I did not feel strange doing what I could to help my husband either, as long as I could lift it, I did it. It takes a village. I used to sew, but I was lousy at it and that's why I quit. I never felt like what I did was good enough and wouldn't wear it. Curtains and drapes were okay but now you can buy them cheaper than what the material costs. Just IMHO.
I understand your fear! I have three sons between
17 and 20 years old. Now and then they talk about enlisting, and of course I worry about the draft. For selfish reasons, I want them always to stay close to home, where it seems to be safe. But it's a very high calling to serve one's country, and I would support that decision if my sons decided upon it. If the draft were brought back, I'd be terrified. I do not support this war. I don't think it was the right thing to do. But I do support the people who serve and respect their decisions and am incredibly grateful to them for their sacrifices. I will also continue to support them by doing whatever I can, small though it may be, to help bring them home AND keep peace for us all. I wish it were a simple thing.
As for our children, the fact is, once they are 18, they can make the decision to join without our consent. Talk to each other, love her and appreciate her. If she decides to serve her country, you do not want to part in anger, and trust me, you will want to support her in any way you can.
Prayers for your sons and all our soldiers! nm
!
My sons have been in Scouts for some time now...sm
My youngest (11 years old) was in Cub Scouts for about 3 years and crossed over into a newly chartered troop. My oldest son (17 years old) joined the troop also, mostly out of necessity (we needed his warm body in order to have enough boys to charter). My youngest loves it and my oldest is kind of lukewarm about it. I have also been a leader at the pack, troop, district and council level for over 4 years now. We are basically a scouting family and love it.
With that said, however, I will say that scouting is not for everyone, and everyone does not get out of scouting what is there for them to learn simply because everyone is not interested in learning those things or because of poor leadership within the scouting unit. In your case, it sounds to me as if the latter may be true.
You didn't say how old your son is or how long he has been in scouting, but it sounds to me like he has a very poor leader if he makes them camp this way. Some overly self-glorified scout leaders try to turn scouting into junior Army training which is not what it is meant to be. If there is another pack or troop in the area, you might consider changing and see if that improves his scouting experience by a new leader and better camping conditions. When we camp, each boy has his own tent (can be bought at Walmart for about $15) and we always have a campfire in a designated fire ring that burns pretty much all night. Each boy is safely enclosed in his own tent that zips up which greatly reduces the chances of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Of course the boys have to be trained to keep their tent flaps zipped closed at all times so that nothing gets in.
My advice from a scouter's viewpoint is to talk to your son and then you and your son and husband talk to the scout leader and see what can be done to improve the scouting experience for your son as well as the other boys in the unit. If the leader does not want to chanage his ways to more closely follow the scouting ideals, then find another troop or pack to join. Sounds like there is a LOT of room for improvement here.
Here is a link that may help, too. http://netcommish.com/askandy.asp
Those total sons of you-know-whats.
My situation was not QUITE the same.... It turned out I was the other woman; the guy I was dating and thought I was exclusive with turned out to have a fiance he didn't bother to tell me about. Looking back, there were a few hinky things I should have noticed, but they weren't the usual things, so I was thrown off my guard.
I do have a very good male friend whom I call my adopted big brother. (He's married, has been for decades, and his wife is aware that we are friends/business associates.) I asked him flat-out why men cheat, and he said (a) because they can, and (b) the thrill of the chase, or some bullhockey like that, that we testosterone-deficient females can't seem to understand, I guess. He also bluntly told me that I probably was not the only one, i.e. the only "other woman." I would not be surprised if that were true, but I never actually found out, since the SOB (and I do NOT mean 'short of breath') married the fiance and left town.
My best friend put it rather succinctly, when we were discussing another topic:
Men don't change, and women just learn to be abused gracefully. (Because this too is a form of abuse.)
My sons both learned that lesson the hard way
One had 1200 text messages in a month (I pay for 300) and the other did the same download thing. I wish there was some way you could block their phones after a certain amount of $$. Needless to say, both had a nice chunk of money to pay mom back.
Mary, I offer my prayers for the safety of your sons. SM
I thought brothers could not be in battle zones at the same time. Did they choose to?
Deeni, I respect your opinion, but I held both my sons during circumcision......sm
my dirtly little secret, I used to be an LPN and CMA, used to surgical technology. It takes seconds, and while I had silent tears and I worried and fretted, but they were fine, and Nola is not misinformed here, being in clinical practice for years, and working for general surgeons, I saw many men, some in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who had infection after infection because they could not retract the foreskin the right way, phimosis is painful and can become precancerous, and yes, we had some gentlemen with penile cancer. As I said, I was able to snuggle and nurse my baby boys both times right after circumcision, no problems. Men's anatomy is so different (!!!!) from female's (duh), so you cannot compare the unsterile, crude labial circimcisions done in third world countries with what is done in hospital for our baby boys. Anatomy just dictates this. I was so glad when my daughter was born, it was not even anything to worry about!
thanks! :) I'll see if he'll ask some female friends SM
Thank you everyone! It has been great reading all of your responses! Goodnight!! "See" you all tomorrow!
Hugs,
Chickadee
I LOVE love love shallots! I use them in everything that calls for an onion and/or garlic. Mmmmmm. n
x
American Idol - Love, love, love Adam!!!
I think he'll make it til the end! At least I hope so!
My niece had a Yorkie, the love of her life! We all loved her so. Lots of love in store for you.
XX
Love movie "A Christmas Story" when dogs eat the turkey and they go out for Chinese. We love d
nm
She's sweet. I think she's gorgeous. Love her hair. Love her sm
smile. I wish I looked that great! I don't even come close, so who am I do judge? I admire beauty greatly in other women...I envy them!
sweet....love the heart charm, he's got love.
nm
God bless you on your path, all love begins with self-love, so you are really on your way.....sm
We should have less time putting needless labels on things, paying attention to dividing lines, and pratice more love, understanding, and humiility....we will all have things to answer for, no one is perfect, but I believe we are all precious and loved by the Lord, who knows all hearts, and has infinitely more compassion and mercy than ANY of us can comprehend. Be happy and take care of yourself, sexuality is such a small part of who we are in this world, but you have to be happy and at peace.
I love the animal channel, really love it and
my sweetie and I both watch but I absolutely, even if I know nature and the balance of, want to see small animals being killed and eaten and so forth. I know it happens but I either change the station or pick up the paper and read or find another way so I don’t watch. Also watch Discovery, love animals and love those shows!
I love you! hahaha I love your response! You can come over here sm
and kick my butt the next time I "allow" my husband to make me feel crap for whatever reason - which there seems to be many - he wouldn't complain if I made more money than him because his lazy behind wants to stay home and do nothing all day except to play golf. He tells me all the time, "when are you going to own your MT business so I can golf all day."
But, he is very mean, also. He hurts my feelings constantly and doesn't even care. He makes me drive around in his truck with bald tires and I don't like doing that for fear of a blow out and he'll just tell me, "well, don't go anywhere then." We have the money in the bank to get new tires, but he won't get them.
I love your comment, though!
And for all of you who will say, "well, leave the jerk!" It isn't that easy. We have 3 boys and I would be homeless. I only make 300 every 2 weeks MTing. We have a lovely home with a lot of space and besides him living here, the kids and I LOVE it and love each other so much.
Well, I LOVE a challenge too, Would love to debate this one day with you! sm
haha
Seriously, I was a staunch atheist for 20+ years. It's funny, though. I, too, believe that we are all electrical energies and that energy doesn't "die" and so, theoretically, where does your "electricity" go when you die, i.e., your spirit? I believe that "energy" within us is our spirit life - and that must go somewhere, right? It doesn't just go into the groun - which is what I thought for so long.
Anyways, when I learned about our "energy" and how it must go somewhere, I was really testing the waters of Christianity up to that point. After hearing about that, I was convinced that there must be an afterlife. I believe we go either of 2 places.
Anyways, I love ALL people of all religions, regardless of what I "think" or "believe." I don't think any less of you because of your beliefs! If I were to believe in a God who forgave me and loved me in my mut and mire, who am I to judge and criticize those who think differently of me?
I've always liked you no matter what your philosophy on life was....
Love people who love dogs.
nm
I love the dressing and I love lemon pie..sm
My mom's lemon pie that is. I also love this dessert called Texas Delight or some people call it different things but is is layers of chocolate pudding and cream cheese and whipped cream. The food is my favorite part besides the watching my son open presents on x-mas.
Young love/older love
I think it has a lot to do with your age and his. I married hubby at age 59 and he was 49. Best thing I ever did but say if you are 30 and he is 20, hmmm in that case might not be so workable. What are the ages here?
Give her love, love, love and if she...
doesn't want medicine - don't force it. Does she like to be stroked or does she like her belly rubbed? You better than anyone else know how to make her feel loved. Give her that. If her times comes before Monday, all the better for you and her. She'll die peacefully in her loving home. But, if not, be prepared to give her the last loving gesture you can - if it's time to, than let her go.
I had to put my 13 year old Lab down two months ago. It is one of the hardest things to do. But, you'll know when it's time. My dog, Shadow, told me he was done, tired, beat. He sent me the message quite clearly. But, still I waited, not for him but for me! Finally I "heard: him and did what needed to be done. I sobbed for hours and then just suddenly stopped, I realized I was crying for me - not for him! He had had a wonderful loving home with "mom and dad and brother". He was old and tired and wanted to rest. He deserved that rest! So, it's done. Yeah, I'm still sad. But I know that it was the right thing to do. And, yeah, call me nuts if you want - I know that when it's my time that Shadow will come running, knock me over, sit down on my chest and lick me silly!
Now, I'll go and give my cat lots of love and remember the fun I had with Shadow. My thoughts are with you - make the best of the time you have with your loved one's, be them human or furry! My thoughts are with you.
I'll buy them ... sm
Of course I am teasing you. I love Longaberger baskets, but I can understand them not being everyone's cup of tea. I am sort of in the same situation with my father-in-law. He gives me the most God-awful stuff. He is retired, has no money, and feels the need to buy me something. This year he gave me an outfit that a 17-year-old girl would have loved. I am 42. I just smile and say thank you. Really, I keep telling my husband I would rather him just keep his money, but I can't hurt his feelings. I would just take the baskets, smile, say thank you, and put them in my attic as an heirloom for my grandchildren or something. They are beautiful and surely someday one of your children or their spouses might like to have them. Just a thought.
i'll take abc any day over any of them....
Thanks! - I'll try anything (sm)
That might possibly help me to avoid surgery, except for the book slamming thing! T
you'll see...sm
Her "rockstar wannabe" look...hilarious! She's just too...eeww...for me anyway. Something about her creeps me out.
I'll have to try it.
My Avon rep from work quit because she claimed that they would only send her half the order and her customers were getting upset. My mom does Avon through a friend and she has bought me necklesses from Avon when I was little as well. That friend has been doing Avon for 40 years. She is in her mid 80s now and wants to give it up but her son won't let her because that is the only thing that will get her out of bed anymore, so he helps her with it. It is hard to find reps around here because do it for a few weeks then quit.
Thanks, I'll try it! /nm
`
LOL, no they'll be
okay with it. It's only my parents coming over. My hubby dooesn't really like her dressing anyway so he won't care! And the kids, they could care less! I have a small family on my side. Hubby's is the big one and we're not going over there until my parents leave here!
I believe I'll try that.
Thanks - i'll try that
Will let you know how it works.
I'll take that one better
I moved here with 9 cats, and I've got 18 now. Long story, but two of the ladies were outdoor cats (one was a feral) and they were "in the mood for love."
Now there's Lil Rust, Baby Face, Tuxedo, BC (stands for black cat), Dusty (resumbles a cotton puff with legs and a face), Gypsy, Willow, and Gizmo. Scooter found a home.
Anyone get the impression that I love cats?
I'll second that!
No malls or shopping for me!!
I'll second that!
I have only done it once though because I feel incredibly guilty doing it...well make that twice...I did it tonight too. :)
What you see is what you'll get.
What you see is what you get. That is what they told me in ground training for my private pilot; of course, they were referring to the weather, but it holds true for a lot of other things and situations.
One thing about long-relationships that I have learned is that the only person you can "change" is yourself. So, if your significant other has any kind of habit or personality quirk that "bothers" you before entering into marriage, that same issue will be there after you've married no matter what the other person "promises" to do or don't do.
My boss once called me into his office (I thought I was in trouble again!) and asked my opinion about his marrying his girlfriend. He said he wanted to marry her, "take care of her," but that he could not "stand" the fact that she smoked. He also said that she promised to quit smoking after they got married. I told him basically the same thing, what you see is what you get. I also told him that to expect her to change, even with the promise of doing so, was unrealistic and that he would have to accept her as she is...smoking and all, even after the marriage. No matter what quirks the other person has before the marriage, they'll still have the same quirks after the marriage. She did try to give up the smoking; however, she eventually failed and resumed the smoking. Apparently, it was more than he could stand, and they ultimately divorced. Of note, he was a control-type freak whose idea of socialization was snuggling up to the TV set and eating pizza, and she was a free-spirited social being who liked to be around a lot of people. He did do some socializing, going out dancing, going out to eat, etc. to placate her, which was really totally against his nature. He knew beforehand what the issues were but chose to go ahead with the marriage, thinking that he could get her to change. She did'nt. What he saw before the marriage was what he got after the marriage.
The issue then becomes not what the other person will do to compromise but what you will accept, knowing full well what the other person's habits and quirks are and how far you are willing to go to accept that fact and be comfortable with those issues. If you are uncomfortable now and feel this is a significant issue for you, this will be the same after the marriage. Don't expect him to change. The only person you can change is yourself.
You can either accept him as he is and you, yourself, do the compromising, or you can move on to find yourself a more compatible life partner. If you choose to continue the relationship, however, do not feel guilty about "dragging" him along to any social events or worry about his socializing with the others. If he truly did not want to go, he wouldn't have gone in the first place. Maybe that would be his way of compromising for your issues.
Walking away from somebody you really think you love is tough. I've done it, and it does hurt for a while, but it is a whole lot less hurtful than divorcing. As I look back upon that decision, I know that it was the right thing to do. There will always be a "soft spot" in my heart for him, but I know that I could never really stand "to stomach" some of his quirks on a regular, life-long basis.
You need to do a lot of soul-searching about this. I wish you peace and happiness no matter what your decision is.
Margo
I know I'll let her go -
There's a saying that when an emotional decision has to be made, the right thing is usually the hardest thing. She needs to be able to fly. I'd never try to manipulate her into staying. Not my style. And yeah, I know I'll survive. But I don't have to like it!
I'll look into that, thanks. nm
X
AI - Who'll Go
I think it'll be Matt. To me it's getting really hard. Everyone left is very talented in my opinion. It's just going to get harder in the next week or so getting down to the wire.
You'll be okay
Deep breath. In. Out. Okay. You'll be okay. Be as calm as you can to the investigator. Explain it like you did here and they'll definitely see the truth. Cleaning the house sucks, I know, but you'll get that done, too. If the crap your husband has left around is too much to fit in the trash dumpster, see if you can sneak it into a store's dumpster at night. Or an office building who doesn't lock theirs. I used to take stuff to the dumpster at the office where I worked and even after I left, I took stuff there a couple of times.
Frankly, everything that was his would be in the trash. If it hasn't been touched in the last 6 months, it has to go. Get the kids involved, too - especially if they're on board with you and hubby splitting up, which if I remember correctly, they are.
Good luck. You'll be okay and you'll come through this onto the other side.
Keep us posted as to how things go, okay?
Either go with me or I'll go by myself
Well, I tried to get old I don’t want to leave the home to go. You see, hubby is a truck driver and he said before we married we would travel. He does and now he seems to want to "do things around the house" for his vacation. I have 2 vacations planned this year, both with 2 different groups for me but I thought perhaps he and I could take a few days and go to Orlando, Sea World and just get out of town for a few days. He had his chance so now probably around the end of June I plan on a) either driving down to Florida or b) flying down to Micky Mouse town, renting a vehicle and taking my own self to Sea World. Anyone else out there have such a hard time of getting hubby to join in on their outings?
I'll see her tomorrow and ask.
I'll post then and let you know.
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