Kids have a way of making us feel guilty. SM
Posted By: DS on 2007-12-26
In Reply to: Everyone gets their kids SO MUCH!! sm - Why? How?
You could start a fund of giving your son money for doing things like helping with lawn work or cleaning or whatever. He could start a paper route, with you supplementing his income.
I'm just making suggestions. Again, don't feel badly. Agree with other poster about people using credit cards.
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I feel so guilty!
I have 3 cats, 1 older and 2 younger and they have been out in the garage (the older one is brought in to spend the night in the washroom) since Monday and will have to stay there until next Monday because am having new tile put in my home. My heart just could break knowing those babies are so used to being in here with me and keeping me company. I am going to do something tonight that my DH would not agree with- but he is not here and I am. I am going to bring all 3 into the bedroom for awhile and put them on the bed and having a good loving session with them before it is out to the garage again. I hope they will understand.
I am so sad and feel guilty about my cat
My furgirl of 18 years died at my home about a couple of months ago. I do not know how to get over the feeling of guilt. She had a stroke several months ago, being blinded and deaf at that time but recovered from that. I tried all to help her , even spoon feeding to make sure she ate okay but was finally told by her doctor that her organs were failing. I knew the day before she died her end was coming because she only urinated 1 time. The next day I held her in my arms and she refused even water then and I knew her life was ending. What bothers me so much, even now, is that I did not hold her up until the time she died so she could die in my arms- I made her comfortable with a light blanket with her head supported on a little pillow but I am so guilty and sad. I don’t know how to get over this. What can I do? I loved her so much and now I feel like I let her down in her time of needing someone to be close. I held her for about 5 hours the first of that day but why did I not continue to hold her? I should have and now I am paying with loads of guilt.
Please don't feel guilty...
Your sweet furgirl knew how much you loved her, and you did everything possible to make her comfortable at the end. I believe that people sometimes wait until their loved ones leave the hospital before feeling free enough to let go. It may be possible that it was easier for her to pass on while she was not in your arms. Try to remember the good times and take solace in the fact that the two of you enjoyed years of love and companionship. My heart goes out to you!
Yes, you are right that we should not feel guilty sm
and that's the whole point of my original post. You have already gotten the point somewhere along the line and I am glad for you. For those of us who have not gotten the point yet, or are just now starting to get it, why can't you either be encouraging or not comment? As far as Oprah, I personally don't see her as being the same type of image as Martha Stewart or The View.
do not feel guilty
Do not feel guilty and do not second guess yourself. You know your daughter. And no, you are not over-reacting. If you feel there is a problem, there most likely is. I went through this same thing with one of my daughters. She had been a straight A student, triple-letter athlete, etc., etc., etc., and then bang....whole new kid. She couldn't wait to be out of our home. No one who hasn't been through this can fathom the gamut of emotion it involves. In the end, it was our responsibility as parents to do everything in our power to protect this child from herself. Yes, she hated us. She once went 3 full months without speaking to us (it was the most peaceful 3 months we had had in a long time!) but we started her in counseling and didn't back down. It took a very long time, longer than I care to think about, but finally started to see some changes in her. We discovered she suffers from a significant chemical imbalance that caused depression and once she agreed to start medications (she only agreed to prove us wrong), the change was amazing. We got our daughter back. She is now a successful professional with a family of her own. Point is, you need to seek professional help. She will resist but stick to your guns. If you do not seize every avenue available to you, you will continue to doubt yourself. My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult this is. I was lucky; for my family the counseling paid off. I now have a very close relationship with this daughter. I hope you find the same.
There is nothing to feel guilty about.
In a perfect world the child whose name was drawn would not already have a Wii, and perhaps it would even be on the top of his wish list. But we don't live in a perfect world. I'm sure the orthodontist who is awarding the prize would be just as happy to know that your child got something else that he really wanted in exchange for the Wii that he already had. A prize is a prize is a prize. I think you all are being silly for trying ot make her feel like she is doing something wrong.
Too bad they don't feel guilty ENOUGH to keep themselves from
going into Tiffany's, etc and buying that garbage - cripes!!
I hear you. I feel so guilty...sm
That I can't bring these cats inside. It's so much safer for cats to be indoors. I've read that the average lifespan of an outdoor cat is only 2 years, (because of cars, dogs, etc.) and I worry about them all the time.
I never planned to have cats, because I think they should be indoors, which I can't do because I'm so darn allergic to them, and because our dogs are indoors and are not at all cat friendly.
But then these 2 came along, and they're feral. So my choices were to either ignore them and let them continue to fend for themselves, call the shelter to come and trap them (but they wouldn't be put up for adoption because they're feral, they'd be put down right away)... or do what I did (trap, neuter, vaccinate, release) and take responsibility for their care. So that's what I did.
It's definitely not a perfect situation. We have considered making the cat house entirely enclosed so they stay in there. It is a pretty big area, but I don't know if that's a good idea or not.
Sorry for your loss,...don't feel guilty though (sm)
When I am sad about something, I have a tendency to blame myself - somehow I did something wrong, otherwise why would I feel so bad? I know logically that is not rational but in my pain I always find something I did "wrong." I sometimes think back to things I did in the past and I ask myself why I did what I did and why I did not do things differently. But occasionally when I have done that, I have gone back mentally and through through all of the circumstances and I realize that if given another chance, I would probably do things the same way again. I have a habit of second-guessing my past choices - as if today I am somehow a different person than I was yesterday. The truth is you were just as good a person during the time that your beloved pet's life was ending as you are now. There were probably reasons you did not hold her the entire time...you didn't know exactly when she would pass away, maybe you felt she would be more comfortable... you are good now and you were good then...as many other posters have said, you gave her a wonderful, loving life. Don't confuse your grief with guilt...you miss her, of course, but you did not do anything wrong. Take care
Please don't feel guilty! You sound like a loving fur mom!..I too
lost a cat this week, also about 18 years old. She was an outside cat who never came in but about 6 weeks ago she just walked in one day and never wanted to go back out, so I figured the end was near. I feel very guilty too, but I made her comfortable, stroked her, made sure she was comfortable. Hubby went out in the pouring rain/sleet to bury her under a cedar tree where our others are buried. When I told him how bad I felt about not being here when she died, he said she had a great life because of me and how much I cared for her. I am sure you were wonderful to her. Please don't feel so guilty! My gal, the day before she died, actually did go outside, it happended to be sunny for a bit, she laid down on the deck and enjoyed the warmth and caught the last bird of her life! For a cat, she went out on a good note!
You shouldn't feel guilty because (see message)
you can't be really sure that is what she would have wanted. When my cat died, many years ago, she went away to be by herself when she died. We had to look for her to find her. Some animals just prefer to be alone. You spent time with her before she died, and then you made her comfortable. Perhaps it was easier for her to "leave" if you weren't there with her. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'd turn him in and not blink an eye or feel guilty.
We are the ones who pay for this. Just like the handicapped spaces everywhere that have people who don't seem to have a physical disability. And don't bother giving me the same old "you can't see my disability, but I have one" story. I know, bad back, bad knees, whatever. If you can drive to Wal-Mart and push the cart maybe you could walk a couple of more feet in the parking lot. You all know who you are out there.
Exactly - it's taking the time that makes me feel guilty too sm
Solution they are saying is to go to bestlife.com and sign a contract with yourself and then Oprah has a bestlife challenge with diet and exercise and other tips and an online journal, etc. In the past when I have exercised regularly, I found that I felt like I had more time, because I had more energy to get things done. So I am trying to get back to that again.
I am feeling very depressed this Christmas season. I feel guilty because I
would rather it would be over. I have no money to shop, and things in general are bad in my life. I am trying very hard to focus on what matters this time of year and what it is about. Anyone else having difficulty now?
Yes, guilt is my downfall. Now, I feel guilty because she has no life survival skills because I have
done everything for her...so now I blame myself about how she will survive because she has no idea what to do. I guess I didn't have anyone leading my way. I've been on my own since I was 16 years old and I made it okay. She calls me for EVERYTHING..how do I do this.. how do I do that and I know now it's time just to let her fall because she'll never learn how to pick herself up if I keep doing it. That's the hardest teacher..falling on your face. She even said that she feels different because she doesn't know anything other kids her age know how to do.. That right there should have made me STOP.. I have not done her any favors..When I thought I was helping her, I was just making it worse and enabling. I'm done with it. Thanks for listening.
Thank you for not making me feel so alone.
Glad your son has quit.
I will have mine read articles and will find pictures on line to show him. I do not think he has a clue as to what can happen to him if he continues this. Like I said he is only 18 and to think about many many years of this is very scary.
He says he wants to quit. I hope he means it and I will help him as much as I can.
I also was surprised by this since he has been so athletic. He always made statements about how he hated the smell of smoke and would never smoke cigarettes. I guess he thinks this is okay and won't do him any harm.
He started over the summer, so I hope it will be easier to quit than to have this go on for years. I will speak to his doctor and dentist also. May be they can help.
Thanks again for your concern. It it good to talk to someone who has been through this. Enjoy the Holidays.
Thank you all for making me feel
a little better about this. I would NEVER get rid of my cats. Once an animal comes into my home, it's for life. I would probably send my husband packing before the cats :)
Lisa, what is it about your husband that is making you feel disgusted?
if you have a genuine desire to stay in the relationship. There are two really great books (these are available on CD, too) that talk about what makes men tick and what makes women tick. Before you throw in the towel, you may consider buying these books and the two of you read them. Couldn't hurt. Best of luck to you. They are:
For Women Only - What you need to know about the inner lives of men
By Shaunti Feldhahn
ISBN 1-59052-317-2
For Men Only - A straightforward guide to the inner lives of women
By Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn
ISBN 1-59052-572-8
I feel bad for you on many levels but your kids....
I do feel so bad for you, sounds like a no-win situation, but I also *read* that you let absolutely everything about MIL bother you and i think (opinion only) that you should pick and choose those battles (little battles) more carefully, trying to see the BIG WAR which I think is what you want to try to win.
I think you should develop your own talents, hobbies, expound on yourself (after your children) and find your own *nitch* in life. Competing (your word used) with a MIL never works. I was lucky, mine lives in France. *LOL*
Best of luck, will pray for your situation! 
I so feel for you, I adore kids.....sm
You said the mother was a druggy - was she drugging the entire time while pregnant? See, that's a whole other ballgame I do believe......
your kids are young, mine born in 80s....there was no test before 1990 as I recall, and I don't know about the delivery rooms....I know how I got it (being stupid in my 20s and my husband too - way before we hooked up, like we probably came into the relationship both having it and not knowing it)...it was back in the late 70s...yeah, I'm old *lol*
I can't remember if you said you went to a specialist for the kids - but feel free to email me and maybe we're in the same area and I could recommend ONE person to you...who is the finest in this field in this area.....as I would believe them seeing a specialist now would be in their best interest....
gee I'm beginning to sound like the people we transcribe for *L*
*slaps self*
take good care!!! 
(((don't feel bad we sleep with our kids too))))
comes to mind and fires, we just have a better peice of mind sleeping with them. they have gotten so big my hubby sleeps with one and I sleep with the other!
yes, i have to say it did, but my kids were ready too, so i do understand how u feel
nm
Kids want/need bounderies. Makes them feel safe
c
Guilty Mom
Well, you've already said what my feelings are which is, I would snoop if I felt that I had a reason to and I've always told my children this. Privacy goes out the window if something is wrong. But, you admit you did it just out of nosiness - oh well, none of us are perfect and we get a little "crazy" sometimes when it comes to our children. Good for her (and you) that it just confirmed her maturity and that she's a good kid (with obviously good parents).
As far as her relationship with her dad, I would not talk to her about what you've read, but maybe try to finagle (spelling?) some time for them to be together to get a little closer. I can say at that age, I pretty much felt the same way about my father and couldn't wait also to get out of my house. Ended up getting married at 18 straight out of high school. BUT, as I've aged, I've become very close to my father and realize a lot of what I didn't like about him when I was younger was just him wanting us to behave and being worried about us kids. So, in other words, you may not be able to do anything now to enhance that relationship, but hopefully it will grow on its own. Can you talk to your husband about this?
Guilty pleasures
Mine too! I love Y&R and I have been watching since I was a teenager. I think Phyllis is great! I would like to see her back with Jack though.
I'm not sure Nick is dead either. I guess time will tell.
Guilty all the time - why?? (sm)
I constantly feel guilty. If I exercise, I feel guilty for taking the time to do that. If I don't I feel guilty because I didn't. If I diet, I feel guilty for thinking too much about what I am going to eat and taking too much time for myself. If I take a day off from work I feel guilty, but if I don't work and and spend the day with my family I feel guilty for that too. What the heck is wrong with me? I wake up in the middle of the night feeling guilty. What is wrong with me??
OJ Found Guilty
Simpson Found Guilty on All Charges
By LINDA DEUTSCH, AP
posted: 10 MINUTES AGOcomments: 1245filed under: Crime News, National NewsPrintShareText SizeAAALAS VEGAS (Oct. 3) --
Thirteen years to the day after being acquitted of killing his wife and her friend in Los Angeles, O.J. Simpson was found guilty of robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.
The 61-year-old former football star was convicted of all 12 counts late Friday after jurors deliberated for more than 13 hours. He released a heavy sigh as the charges were read and was immediately taken into custody.
I agree his is guilty as well, I just wonder
why all of the sudden she believes her sisters now.
I have been guilty of the same thing
The best thing to do is just make a list and stick to it. Clothing used to be my biggest weakness so I try to avoid that area in the store since I have plenty of clothes. At craft fairs or anything extra I get to do (rare occasion anymore) I usually just take cash only. I went to an arts & craft fair 2 weeks ago and only took $50 cash. When it was gone, I just went home.
yes, i sure did andyou can't tell me he wasn't guilty. nm
;
sounds to me he is guilty. maybe he is having an affair and sm
wants you to divorce him and that is his way of trying to get you to do so. I would leave the SOB. No one deserves that sort of verbal abuse. Just my 2 cents.
Well, I'm guilty of giving neighbors' dog
he does come over our fence, literally climbs over, and comes into our yard and then our house. He goes straight to the kitchen, waits for a treat and then goes out the front door and to his yard. He gets ignored a lot so I feel sorry for him. He's so cute.
I'm feeling guilty and ashamed
I have a confession to make. Yesterday on an impulse I read my daughter's diary. She's sixteen, and she and I have always had a good relationship. I can't justify what I did by saying I suspected something. I was just curious, and knowing that she's in the beginnings of her first romance I was looking to see if there was anything - - romantic? Shame on me!
As it is, I'm happy to know that with a few exceptions that were rather minor (details of conversations, etc) she pretty much has already told me just about everything she wrote about. In a way, that makes me feel guiltier. What the heck was I thinking, betraying her privacy like that? It confirmed how much she cares about this boy - I knew that - said how much she hates her father and wants to get out of our house - knew that too, but not quite how much!
Now I'm going to have to monitor what I say to her so I don't let on I know these details. I want to talk to her about her relationship with her dad without letting on I know how bad she feels. At the same time, I'm really, really happy to find out that she's as good a kid as I have always felt she is, and so open and honest with me.
I guess I'll just have to chalk this up to experience and be glad I didn't come across anything I would have to act on like drugs or sexual activity or something.
Feedback, anybody?
OJ book and trial, innocent or guilty?
I saw the message about OJ and the book about whether or not he actually did the crime. What I would like to know from the MTers discussing this, did any of you watch the trial from start to finish? The newspapers, television shows, etc. most all the time fabricated parts leaning towards his part in this crime. I saw it all from start to finish, every single day and after that made my own decision regarding the guilt or innocence, not by what I read in the papers or heard on the news. The most important piece of "evidence" supposedly was the glove issue. The trial showed a receipt from a store from accessories. Never ever did they match a scanned number, price, date bought or whatever with the glove buying, but then again I guess most of you watched all the trial?
He's guilty as sin and I cannot read his obituary in the news
nm
Michael Vick pleds GUILTY to
dogfighting charges and will be sentenced December 10th. He is having a news conference at about 11:30 a.m. EST. There are people that are supporting him. How can anyone condone what he has done. There were supporters at the court house in Virginia who were clapping and singing and saying that they LOVED HIM. OMG. He better get time in jail or I have lost all faith in the court system for CELEBS. He did the crime now he must pay the time. I do not care what color he is. He did a horrible thing and should not get away with it.
Another country heard from...guilty mothers
who think only material things make their little one happy, have to get affirmation and praise for every decision they make...your poor husbands!
Guilty! But I only work PT and do meet personal quota. Also spend too
s
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
I think you are making way too much of it.
My BF of 9 years calls me that all the time when, in fact, it just the opposite--he is my "sugar daddy." If he is worth it, just let it go. People are way too sensitive these days about things.
It is almost making me cry as well now.
 as time approaches. I loved that little Tux cat. I am going to have to get mama cat fixed. I think this is too hard.
If you are not making the $$$ you need
then you double up on jobs, and jobs that will pay, not sitting around waiting on work to come thru. I up until 2004 worked 2 jobs for years and years, for a safety net and both of those would qualify for full time, weekends included. I have now done MT longer than you so I guess I might know jack squat about what I am saying. I never got evicted, never did without food, kept a car, home and everything by myself because I did work so much. Why in the world are you making peanuts working 10-12 hours per day? I know the pay was more years ago, I understand that but if the job is not taking care of your needs, then a person needs to do something else.
Making candles
I had heard that you can save up the scrap wax from candles in glass jars, melt all of them down and put them back in the containers, adding a wick and scent such as cinnamon. So, I've been saving my containers with the bits of leftover candles. Anyone know how one goes about doing this? Is it possible to do this?
THANKS!
Any parents here making a
to only have one child..? We're seriously considering not having any more..One is PLENTY OF WORK AND LOVE!!
Thanks for making me giggle! nm
!
Thanks for making me laugh!
Cute post! Yes, it is yucky, but you made me laugh this morning. Thanks!
Thanks, for making me laugh.
This is so terribly hurtful. I guess you guessed it is my sister. We have had a history of ups and downs our whole life. I am the one to just let the hurt and hard feelings go to try to have peace. I will try to grin and bear it . . showing some teeth at times. Hope I can do it.
Mine is just making me sad
When I first got my little boy he and his brother could not stay out all night. They wanted to come into my bedroom and jump on me so I gave them their own bedroom. I made sure they had all the catty things little guys need and tucked them in each night with food, litter box, their treats, whatever. They are past that stage and now know how to behave and I leave them to have the house when I turn in for the night. My little boy now sits right outside his old bedroom and meows. He looks under the door - I keep that closed off now after cleaning up after them - but he knows that is where he stayed when just a small guy and he cries. So pitiful!
Thank you so much! You're making me cry!
I have learned that this is the true meaning of Christmas - giving. There's no greater feeling than watching a child open a present or an older person whose family has forgotten them. That's what Christmas is about for me. God bless you, too! Have a very merry Christmas!
MAKING??? Isn't he a grown man? (nm)
x
You might be right about Him not making trash.
Seems like she has done a good enough job by herself, oh, and her mother right along there. I have said for sometime she was really sick, desperately needing help, needing the attention or else she would not be putting herself in situations such as showing her behind - you nor I have made her do these things- she does these on her own. If her face plastered everywhere, again did you or I do that? Don't think so. She has needed psychiatric help for ages. The part where she cut off her head was a very telling point, same as self abuse. Anyone who has typed psychiatric work before knows about this. Same as multilating yourself and there is another celeb out there who does this, initials LL. This make get taken off the board, I hope not because is truthful. She has been crashing for some time. I wondered when the kids were going to be taken completely out of her care. This should have been done a long time ago for their safety, only supervised visits. Well, guess someone finally saw clear on that. After this required 72 hours of hospitalization she will make the choice to leave, I am sure and it will be a shame. She loves the limelight, though. She is really pitiful.
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