Keys and kids...ugggg
Posted By: better make a couple more sets.. sm on 2007-02-08
In Reply to: Today our youngest finally got her first car - How did I know?
I cannot count the number of times my son locked his keys in his car or lost his keys. Sometimes teenagers' head are stuck where the sun doesn't shine. How he maintains a 4.0 average pre-med, but cannot hold on to his keys is beyond me. I guess they grow out of it. When I first got my license, I not only locked my keys in the car, but left it running. Live and learn. 
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Ugggg. Christmas trees in the stores already!
Isn't it just back to school right now? Went to Walmart today to get school supplies and they were no longer on clearance. What has replaced them?
Drum roll: A tiny bit of Halloween decor, a few Thanksgiving napkins and plates and
Tons of lit Christmas tress. Many aisles of decorations with lights, garland. Even the CHRISTMAS JEWELRY is out. Forget the half off on notebooks and pens, hurry and get your candy cane earrings before it's too late!!
Ahhhhhkkkk. My kids are already writing lists for Christmas. My pocket book cannot take it. My DH gave me 50 bucks to buy milk, and get all of our 9 year old girl's birthday gifts who is turning 9 in 2 weeks. So... who can think about Christmas? Anybody got any ideas on how to deal with all this stress? Would appreciate any comments on above experience. Thanks in advance!
Down in the Keys....
We vacation in the Florida Keys and/or on Marathon Island every year and without fail we always get at least 1 or 2 resident iguanas. We feed then salad mix, carrots and apples and they will come down when they see you. I did not realize that they were pests until I read the news story about then falling out of the trees. That must be creepy. I added a pic. I hope it works!
Keys
I have another child here at home age 14....I work at home.....so if by chance I'm not here.....he is.....so my other son does need a key to my house if HE DOES NOT LIVE HERE.....
keys
DOES NOT NEED!!!
keys
Your 16yo does not want to live with you and your biggest issue is that you want your key?? Maybe that attitude is part of the reason he does not want to live with you and his sister went along with it. I am no pushover, but I can't get my kids to leave. In fact, my son wants to build an apartment over the garage in a few years.
They will always have a key to my house, they are my kids and will always be welcome here whether they live with me or not.
So it's really not about the keys at all?
If you're there all the time, no one needs keys, so what's the difference if he has them or not?
I think you are using the key as some sort of symbol to represent the only thing you have left to hold onto.
I don't want to judge you or your circumstance, but I really think from what you've said regarding your rapport with both your son and your daughter, there is something a little deeper goin' on here, a little more than anyone here might be able to provide insight for.
Again, I'm not trying to judge, but I don't think the keys are the problem.
Keys
It is not about the keys.....the comment that my mom made saying that I was wrong in telling to leave my house key.....and I still say if you do not live in my house.....YOU DO NOT NEED A KEY.....another post was made that I was saying "MY HOUSE"....it is MY HOUSE....nobody pays any bills here except me......
keys
I think you are right about the keys. there is really no need for him to have one. . I also agree about it being your house - some day he will be paying bills and then he will have a house of his own. . I do wonder though, if there could have been another solution where maybe his sister could have helped him out but he would still be living at home with you?? She is probably going to, at some point, have to do some parenting of a teenager and I wonder if she is ready for that??
The Florida Keys, they are everywhere!
x
re running to get keys
to go outside -- if you have to get keys first -- what are you going to do in case of a fire? If you have keyed dead bolts, you ought to leave them in the inside of door for safety.
dented keys
Yep. Dented keys. Actually gored. After 38 years of this, I probably don't have any fingerprints left either. I could go into safe cracking.
Take the keys to the car (& any spares!) and
let her life her life without a car. Dont give in when she wants it back. Tell her to buy her own. I'm sure that after having to work (and to take a bus or a bicycle to get there), she'll start to see what a handicap being car-less is, and what a privilege it is to have one. And if she buys one with her own hard-earned money, she'll begin to realize how generous you had been by letting her use yours.
I had keys to the roof of the bldg....sm
I was given keys to the roof of my building (because I was so chunky I didn't want to do this walking on the street/sidewalks of my complex) and I started by trying to do one entire perimeter of the roof (which is HUGE - like 2 roofs in one, 29 apartments to a floor....HUGE roof (built in the 70s)....
So, I did this everyday until I could do the perimeter of this entire roof 10-15 times - it took 6 weeks to get there *lol*
What I did do was put Tina Turner's cassette into a Walkman (her album called SIMPLY THE BEST) and that, in and of itself, was SO MOTIVATING.
And again, if you saw my other post, I kept counting calories, keeping them to 1000 or under per day. Sort of like a crash diet. *laughs*...I had to do this - because I'm diabetic.....among other diagnoses.
Best of luck!!!
Keys - Son - Living with Daughter
However, why post if you were wrong and then defend yourself to the opinions that were posted???? I don't get it. My parents had an open door policy. No matter what, they stuck by my decisions. I moved out twice and moved back in before getting married when apartment life did not work out for whatever reason. I did not move out when I was 16 though as my parents were responsible for me until I was 18. Once I turned 18, they still let me move in and out and I also always had a key. I had a key to the house they lived in, and then I had a key to my Mom's independent living apartment after she sold our family home when our Dad passed away.
I think there are more issues here than you want to admit. I think if you tried counseling instead of arguing with your son about a key, then you may get to the root of the problem. The fact that you won't allow him access to your home symbolizes that you don't want him around unless you are home. You are now telling him that his home is no longer his home by taking the key away.
I think that it is just understood that once one moves out on their own that the original home is not their home, but they are still welcome. I don't think you want to welcome him into what you are calling your home.
When we bought our first home and had children, we became a team. We are a family and even though my husband and I pay the bills, we do tell our children that this is "our" home. They help with chores and that's the best they can do.
I don't want to go on and on, and I'm not bashing you here. I just think you may want to consider some help from something other than this board. You may want to try a church or a counselor to help you with your teenager. I'm sure none of us here are saints by no means and we need to support one another here.
My Mom used to say "You are born, but you're not dead yet." In other words, anyone here can state their opinions on the rearing of their own children, but not until you die can you say "that never happened to me"! My Mom would say this when I would give judgemental remarks of others. This was to open my eyes to the fact that the very same thing I am talking about could happen to me!
Lots of luck and love to you! I certainly hope there is a way to keep an even ground with your son. Blood is thicker than water...
In case of a fire and no keys
I would go through the window but not in a situation like this, different case altogether.
LOL, can't even tell you how many times I left keys in door (on the outside)
and then spent forever trying to find them inside the house before realizing that, oops I did it again! Arrrrggghh! My husband has found them quite a few times coming in, also! :)
I find it interesting that she LEFT the keys. sm
While going against her mom's wishes and going to the wedding was defiance, the fact that she came to mom's work to tell her she was going, then also left the keys to the car at home with the note (rather than TAKING the car herself to the wedding) says something. For whatever reason it was important for her to go to this wedding, and she obviously weighed the consequence of it.
We have ALL done something we were told not to do, or that was risky, or maybe even illegal, because our reason for doing it was stronger than the consequence...and we were willing to accept that consequence, knowing ahead of time what it was.
I'm not excusing her defiance. But I agree with the poster who suggested the plan of action of getting to the root of her motivation rather than ONLY punishment.
Not only have some of the letters worn off, but I have made dents into the keys. sm
My husband saw my keyboard one time and couldn't use it because he didn't know the location of the missing letters.
why is the space bar on the keyboard so long as opposed to other keys? nm
$$
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
Nope, no kids with him, all of our kids are 20 and over.
I would think that some of the $12,000 A YEAR he paid in support for over 9 years should have been enough to save some for college. He paid his dues so to speak, always paid the support on time, had insurance for them, etc. He told them straight up to pay for their own college. Is there something wrong with that?
ESL kids have a label =$$$. When the illiterate kids get a label slapped on them - they will get a
Most public schools do not teach children to read with intensive phonics. It has nothing to do with class size IMHO. The method of reading instruction is what determines if the kids will learn to read or not.
Consider homeschooling her.
Each child represents a $ amount to public school administration. As long as the child attends they get their $. They still get X amount of $ for each year they teach or do not teach a kid to read.
Their compensation is not reduced when they produce illiterate adults.
I believe my kids would still believe . .
had I not got totally busted by my 10-year-old son. My 7-year-old still believes. I always asked as my kids if they believe and when they said yes, I said that that is all that is important. My son caught me playing the EB last Easter. He said to me yesterday, "Come on, a giant bunny hopping around the country bringing easter baskets? How long did you expect me to fall for that?" I about split a gut laughing!!! However, both older children know how important it is to let the 7YO believe, we all watched Polar Express last night and they still were mesmerized!!!
I think a LOT of men are like that with kids
Maybe because since such a high % of marriages end in divorce, some of them keep a distance there. After all, when divorces happen, who gets the kids? Also, women tend to take charge when it comes to the kids and men tend to allow it. I truly believe that kids do not always strengthen a marriage but often the opposite. I have seen statistics stating that more couples with children get divorced than those who don't have any. Interesting, huh? JMO
That's why I won't have kids.
I have totally turned off the need/want to have kids, because I know my husband could never handle it. I don't want to be a single parent...especially a married single parent, know what I mean? It's an incredible commitment and they don't stay portable and nonverbal for long.
What do your kids
What do your kids call you and your spouse? Would you mind if they changed it, as in Mom instead of Mommy, as they got older? My kids call me Mom. If they call me Ma......I correct them, I don't LIKE it!! My son's GF calls me Mommy or Mom, I don't mind. My DIL calls me by my first name, I don't mind that either. I have a stepson, he also calls me Mom.
I do but only to keep an eye on my kids. NM
x
Hello......if you want your kids to know...
about STDs and how not to get pregnant, YOU teach them. Why should there have to be programs about that at all? If you want them to have condoms, you buy them, don't ask the school nurse to hand them out. As to the genius of a President...at least he is trying. The one before him was hardly an advertisement for wise choices where sex is concerned ala black dress and use of cigars in a way that NO one ever intended...and committed felony perjury while a sitting President. Oh, but, heck....who cares, right?? Geeeezzz. Gimme a break.
Hello, yourself. If I had kids, I would...sm
Teach them those things. And if you're questioning why there s/b sex ed programs in school at all, why do you seem to be defending the current abstinence-only ones? They're worse than nothing at all because they give inadequate and downright *false* information. How is not having all the facts (or having the wrong "facts") ever a good thing? Just doesn't make any sense to me. If you want Bush to get credit because "at least he's trying" well, that seems like a pretty low standard for the president of our country.
Now as far as Clinton, I never said I was a fan. You're assuming an awful lot there. I don't even want to get into that.
I was one of four kids (sm)
and I was always wishing that my twin sister and I could have parents of our own. Living with mean older siblings was no fun!
Once again, your kids are still not that old
but when my son married, completely absorbed into not only his wifes life (which I am the first to say she comes first) but also her family and I basically just lost a son. Just swallowed up by her side and you would not know he really had a mother anymore. Quit trying on that end some time ago.
Especially with little kids
nm
Buy them, but keep away from little kids, sm
When my daughter was 2 or 3, she got her hands on one of the poppies in the back seat and must have pulled it apart and put the plastic middle up her nose. We didn't know in the beginning what was there, but after a visit to her pediatrician who couldn't get at it, a trip to the emergency room, a 5 hour wait for an ENT guy with the correct equipment to retrieve it, we discovered it was the middle of the poppy. Since then, whenever I see them selling the poppies, I tell them to warn parents with little kids to keep the poppies away from the kids.
I don't even have kids, and I
think that's coooooolllld.
It's really not nice to try to be scientific or philosophical with somebody who is going through a loss and expresses sorrow.
Did Jesus tell Lazarus' family, "Hey, dont worry about it; we'll all see him in heaven soon!" No, he took pity on them in their sorrow. That's how He is. Let's try to mirror Him, not philosophists and scientists when it comes to people who are hurting.
Probably more the kids
Love my marriage and don’t mind the divorces until I got it right. The kids are ok as long as infant, toddlers and then they grow up. Not my cup of tea anymore.
Kids going out
I have no problem with it, but there's always upwards of 10 children and at least 3 adults to supervise out all the time, but I would never let my youngest go out alone under any circumstances. We have a very quiet neighborhood, but you never know.
Some men have kids, but then
continue to spend as if they are still single. I can't believe how often I see this. They complain when the wife buys clothes, but when he buys something it has an engine and it's a big, dangerous toy!
That's why I can see why some women might want to hide money. Of course not all men are like that.
I used to buy my kids
those paint-by-numbers kits. Kept them occupied for a short time. Also go to a dollar store and load up on some new toys and books without spending a fortune.
She has kids as well
That was the deal - we were taking both of our kids to do something fun together.
kids
My DD (17 YO) has been getting her self up for years on her own. My mom bought her an alarm clock and she started using that to get up on her own. Now my DS on the other hand, is 20 and I still have to wake him up for work...go figure. I think girls are just more responsible that way.
kids...
I've had both of mine doing their own laundry for about 3-4 years now, since my DD was about 12 and DS about 15, maybe younger. My DD could take care of her own place right now (16 YO), but my DS (20 YO) is another story...maybe it doesn't have anything to do with gender after all...
kids...
Oooh, me too! They do their own bathroom, laundry, and bedrooms. I have my own to worry about. It hasn't killed them yet!
No kids, nothing
could make me stay around to be miserable. I feel most of the times I read these posts the women really do not want to live and use children as their reason for staying. I do not think I could ever say I have been miserable, that is really bad. Only you would be able to change your life and only if you want to. Good luck.
I don't even have kids and I still
wouldn't date somebody 20 years younger than me. I happen to like having a few things in common with my mate. However, 5 years younger instead of older would have its advantages, LOL.
Took my kids to see
Billy Ray Cyrus last night and have to admit it was great! That was their first concert and of course now, he is "Hannah Montana's Dad" They really had fun though! He actually sang Achy Breaky Heart while playing his guitar and barely wiggled a hip through the whole song!
Kids!! UGH!!
They can fill you with such joy and pride and then WHAM! You now understand why some animals eat their young.
I had a very similar experience with my braniac son who became a complete and utter imbecile freshman year of college over the girlfriend he was leaving behind.
What about this: Forget the phone, texting, IM-ing, etc. You can't control him and the more you try, the worse it will be. Your concern should be that he maintains good grades. You sit your son down and tell him you will continue to pay for/support him while he goes to the school he is currently attending. If he chooses to leave the school and give up the scholarship, that is his decision, but if he does that, he's on his own. You signed up to send him to school where he is now. He got the scholarship (for 4 years?), and he got a car. You can offer to pay for the new school where the girl of his dreams (this year) is at, the same amount you would be paying had he remained at the old school. Any costs above and beyond are his. If he does transfer, sell the car - he didn't keep his part of the bargain. I am assuming the car is in your name, insured under your policy. He has to learn to be a man of his word and has to suffer the consequences of not holding up his end of the deal. It is not the end of the world. He will/she will meet someone else and then you can enjoy a whole new set of dramas! My son threatened to pack up his stuff and hop the next train home if I didn't pick him up at school and bring him back. I told him you go right ahead and buy that train ticket, but you will need to find a place to live when you get back because the locks will be changed here. I have caller ID and I did not answer his calls for a while after that. As with you, this all took place first semester. He finally decided to "try" to tough out the year. A week later he loved school, broke up with the bimb...ah, girlfriend, and he's now in his 3rd year at the same college.
Time to put some responsibility on your son. You can offer advice, but punishing, demanding, etc. an 18-year-old does not work. Staying calm and rational and explaining consequences is far more effective.
Time to let go a little, mom, and put some of this on him. He's thinking with the wrong body part and he's only thinking about the here and now, not the next 3 years, like the majority of 18-year-old boys do.
Hang in there! Parenting is not for the weak. That drama with my son made me lose 5 pounds, 2 weeks of sleep and half a head of hair, but I did survive.
If she has 10y. IUD, how did he get 2 kids with her?
x
did ya have kids w/him? If so, ask the kids...
if there are children with him, from him....they might want them...or another one of his relatives I would think.....
Congrats on getting remarried....
Everyone gets their kids SO MUCH!! sm
My son is 10 and had an XBox 360 on his list as well as a computer of his own...we told him both were too expensive. We told him we would get the XBox 360 as a gift for him and his sister to share and Guitar Hero III to go with it, but he didn't want to share. So we felt that if it wasn't important enough for him to be willing to share it, then it must not be that important. Our two kids got gifts that totaled about $250-300 each. Since then everyone we know has show us what their kids got for Christmas. Our neighbor's kids, ages 8 and 9, got iPod Nanos each and a Wii system to share! Another friend got her 7 year old a nice Karoake system and a laptop for her room. Half the fifth graders we know have their own computer and their own cell phone! What in the world!!!??
My kids get...
My kids get 3 gifts each because that is what Jesus got when he was born, which is what Christmas is all about anyway. They also will get 1 together gift for all 3 of them, which is usually a bigger gift. Last year was a trampoline and this year was a ping pong table. They know that, they are good with that, and they don't expect too much. I refuse to get my kids any game system because I have too many nephews who sit in front of the TV and play games all day long and don't do any physical activity. As far as cell phones, my youngest is 7 and wanted a cell phone for Christmas and I told her no. She is with me except for when she is in school and does not need a cell phone. My oldest got one of those disposable phones last year for Christmas and didn't use her minutes in time, which made me realize she only wanted the phone to say she had one. My point...do what your family can do and who cares what other families do. I feel the kids that get too much don't learn how to appreciate what they have and in turn expect more than life can give them when they are grown.
Kids and $$
They can sure go through it. I started mine off early. She has always had responsibilities that go along with the allowance because she's part of the family. Our incomes constitute family money, but chores, etc, constitute family responsibilities. Privileges are directly in proportion to responsibility. She is looking forward to her first real job, as she is already well aware that if she wants her drivers license, she will either pay the increase in insurance or be doing volunteer work to qualify for the larger state scholarship. She has always looked over my shoulder on budgeting, bill paying, etc. Around 5, we instituted the "Mommy credit card" because I wasn't fond of her carrying cash, and when she found something she wanted, I would buy it, presenting her with her "bill" once a month, including (very low) interest if she didn't have enough saved. It's a given now. We buy food, books, and pay for necessary school supplies. Anything else comes from her allowance. She has a separate clothing allowance, and with it, we find she has a better wardrobe for lots less money. At 13, she does an excellent job managing her own checking account (with debit card), helps out around the house, and goes to work with my husband when he has work on weekends. I have heard (not just from him) that she works her a** off, and it's manual labor. She helps with taxes and household budgeting, hubby's advertising and record keeping, and all sorts of stuff, so she gets a pretty decent allowance. Many of her friends are jealous of her allowance until they hear what all she does to get it. Is trying to negotiate a loan right now because it's pretty daunting to save up $600 for a software package she wants. She's a little over halfway there and starting to get frustrated. The kid is pretty good at this, too, because her negotiations include that she will also be able to use it for hubby's business, which should make it tax deductible, which should reduce her interest rate on the loan. I think she's going to get the loan, but she's negotiating with hubby (her step-dad), and I'm staying out of it.
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