Keys - Son - Living with Daughter
Posted By: I know you are sorry you posted. on 2008-01-08
In Reply to: Wrong - GF
However, why post if you were wrong and then defend yourself to the opinions that were posted???? I don't get it. My parents had an open door policy. No matter what, they stuck by my decisions. I moved out twice and moved back in before getting married when apartment life did not work out for whatever reason. I did not move out when I was 16 though as my parents were responsible for me until I was 18. Once I turned 18, they still let me move in and out and I also always had a key. I had a key to the house they lived in, and then I had a key to my Mom's independent living apartment after she sold our family home when our Dad passed away.
I think there are more issues here than you want to admit. I think if you tried counseling instead of arguing with your son about a key, then you may get to the root of the problem. The fact that you won't allow him access to your home symbolizes that you don't want him around unless you are home. You are now telling him that his home is no longer his home by taking the key away.
I think that it is just understood that once one moves out on their own that the original home is not their home, but they are still welcome. I don't think you want to welcome him into what you are calling your home.
When we bought our first home and had children, we became a team. We are a family and even though my husband and I pay the bills, we do tell our children that this is "our" home. They help with chores and that's the best they can do.
I don't want to go on and on, and I'm not bashing you here. I just think you may want to consider some help from something other than this board. You may want to try a church or a counselor to help you with your teenager. I'm sure none of us here are saints by no means and we need to support one another here.
My Mom used to say "You are born, but you're not dead yet." In other words, anyone here can state their opinions on the rearing of their own children, but not until you die can you say "that never happened to me"! My Mom would say this when I would give judgemental remarks of others. This was to open my eyes to the fact that the very same thing I am talking about could happen to me!
Lots of luck and love to you! I certainly hope there is a way to keep an even ground with your son. Blood is thicker than water...
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Down in the Keys....
We vacation in the Florida Keys and/or on Marathon Island every year and without fail we always get at least 1 or 2 resident iguanas. We feed then salad mix, carrots and apples and they will come down when they see you. I did not realize that they were pests until I read the news story about then falling out of the trees. That must be creepy. I added a pic. I hope it works!
Keys
I have another child here at home age 14....I work at home.....so if by chance I'm not here.....he is.....so my other son does need a key to my house if HE DOES NOT LIVE HERE.....
keys
DOES NOT NEED!!!
keys
Your 16yo does not want to live with you and your biggest issue is that you want your key?? Maybe that attitude is part of the reason he does not want to live with you and his sister went along with it. I am no pushover, but I can't get my kids to leave. In fact, my son wants to build an apartment over the garage in a few years.
They will always have a key to my house, they are my kids and will always be welcome here whether they live with me or not.
So it's really not about the keys at all?
If you're there all the time, no one needs keys, so what's the difference if he has them or not?
I think you are using the key as some sort of symbol to represent the only thing you have left to hold onto.
I don't want to judge you or your circumstance, but I really think from what you've said regarding your rapport with both your son and your daughter, there is something a little deeper goin' on here, a little more than anyone here might be able to provide insight for.
Again, I'm not trying to judge, but I don't think the keys are the problem.
Keys
It is not about the keys.....the comment that my mom made saying that I was wrong in telling to leave my house key.....and I still say if you do not live in my house.....YOU DO NOT NEED A KEY.....another post was made that I was saying "MY HOUSE"....it is MY HOUSE....nobody pays any bills here except me......
keys
I think you are right about the keys. there is really no need for him to have one. . I also agree about it being your house - some day he will be paying bills and then he will have a house of his own. . I do wonder though, if there could have been another solution where maybe his sister could have helped him out but he would still be living at home with you?? She is probably going to, at some point, have to do some parenting of a teenager and I wonder if she is ready for that??
The Florida Keys, they are everywhere!
x
re running to get keys
to go outside -- if you have to get keys first -- what are you going to do in case of a fire? If you have keyed dead bolts, you ought to leave them in the inside of door for safety.
dented keys
Yep. Dented keys. Actually gored. After 38 years of this, I probably don't have any fingerprints left either. I could go into safe cracking.
Take the keys to the car (& any spares!) and
let her life her life without a car. Dont give in when she wants it back. Tell her to buy her own. I'm sure that after having to work (and to take a bus or a bicycle to get there), she'll start to see what a handicap being car-less is, and what a privilege it is to have one. And if she buys one with her own hard-earned money, she'll begin to realize how generous you had been by letting her use yours.
Keys and kids...ugggg
I cannot count the number of times my son locked his keys in his car or lost his keys. Sometimes teenagers' head are stuck where the sun doesn't shine. How he maintains a 4.0 average pre-med, but cannot hold on to his keys is beyond me. I guess they grow out of it. When I first got my license, I not only locked my keys in the car, but left it running. Live and learn. 
I had keys to the roof of the bldg....sm
I was given keys to the roof of my building (because I was so chunky I didn't want to do this walking on the street/sidewalks of my complex) and I started by trying to do one entire perimeter of the roof (which is HUGE - like 2 roofs in one, 29 apartments to a floor....HUGE roof (built in the 70s)....
So, I did this everyday until I could do the perimeter of this entire roof 10-15 times - it took 6 weeks to get there *lol*
What I did do was put Tina Turner's cassette into a Walkman (her album called SIMPLY THE BEST) and that, in and of itself, was SO MOTIVATING.
And again, if you saw my other post, I kept counting calories, keeping them to 1000 or under per day. Sort of like a crash diet. *laughs*...I had to do this - because I'm diabetic.....among other diagnoses.
Best of luck!!!
In case of a fire and no keys
I would go through the window but not in a situation like this, different case altogether.
LOL, can't even tell you how many times I left keys in door (on the outside)
and then spent forever trying to find them inside the house before realizing that, oops I did it again! Arrrrggghh! My husband has found them quite a few times coming in, also! :)
I find it interesting that she LEFT the keys. sm
While going against her mom's wishes and going to the wedding was defiance, the fact that she came to mom's work to tell her she was going, then also left the keys to the car at home with the note (rather than TAKING the car herself to the wedding) says something. For whatever reason it was important for her to go to this wedding, and she obviously weighed the consequence of it.
We have ALL done something we were told not to do, or that was risky, or maybe even illegal, because our reason for doing it was stronger than the consequence...and we were willing to accept that consequence, knowing ahead of time what it was.
I'm not excusing her defiance. But I agree with the poster who suggested the plan of action of getting to the root of her motivation rather than ONLY punishment.
Not only have some of the letters worn off, but I have made dents into the keys. sm
My husband saw my keyboard one time and couldn't use it because he didn't know the location of the missing letters.
why is the space bar on the keyboard so long as opposed to other keys? nm
$$
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
Is he still living?
I heard leopards don’t change their spots.
We have been living in ...
the me me me society where everything is now now now. DH and me cut up credit cards and paid off debt for the last 3-4 years instead of remodeling the house, buying new clothes/cars/toys.
I live in a $60,000 house that many people turned their nose up at because it wasn't an McMansion. Well we are about two years from paying it off without any help from anyone and those that turned their nose up at us are in foreclosure right now.
I had a feeling the stock market was going to crater - just didn't know how bad. I'm doing everything I can to keep my job and make the most of it. Now is not the time to go job-hopping.
Time for folks to live within their means and businesses/corporations need to realize that slow and steady growth isn't bad - its better then the alternative of not even being in business.
Finally I think we need to STOP rescuing this fat cats that make these stupid decisions that bankrupt these companies and put 1000's out of work. Make them return their golden parachutes and live like the common man. Same goes for salaries for actors/actresses and sports figures.
Yes, shows are something we could do, living
where we do. It's not far to go, maybe 12 miles across town.
And thank you very much. One thing we don't want to do is get Sasha's nose out of joint, LOL.
Your living your dream like never before?
?? That doesn't make sense.
funerals are for the living
nothing done to the body is going to affect whether she 'rests in peace'. Let the mother bury HER dead where SHE wants. She is the legal next of kin.
p.s. her character isn't like too bad if she was a cop so long. don't believe everything the way the media slants it.
You might consider doing the living room
(or whatever the fanciest room is) in same color but with a special border tile worked in to set that room off.
Just a thought.
Living in the country is so...
enjoyable. We have two neighbors and that is about it. One neighbor is across the pond from us and the other neighbor lives back behind a wooded area and we can't hardly see their place unless it is in the winter. I don't think I'd like living right next door to someone else.
Living arrangements
I don't have personal experience, just an opinion. I think you should remain in the community with the best school for her. If you are in an apt. now in that school district, stay. Don't go the mobile home root. Then if you can in a few years, get a condo or townhome in the same area. That way the friends she makes at school now will stay with her as she grows up and she will have continuity and stability. I would cross mobile homes off my list. JMO.
Living in la-la land
I cannot believe in this time that anyone would leave their door open for anyone to enter. It does not seem like you either hear/read the news or know about things that go on around your little world. Why invite danger by opening your door to the world? In my town some children molested by strangers coming into their rooms in the middle of the night- oh by the way, not only their doors left open but some windows not locked of a night. I read a post on here where a man showed up in one persons home through their garage door. My home is just as secure as I can get it. I love and cherish my life, my hubby's and my pets as well. What is someone other than someone you know comes in 1 day- then what? Good luck with a dangerous situation.
Sexy men who are still living !
Patrick Dempsey, Dennis Haysbert, Keifer Sutherland, Thorsten Kaye, Ryan Reynolds, Sam Elliott, Tom Selleck, Aidan Turner. Thorsten Kaye is the sexiest! Sam Elliott is second. Dennis Haysbert is third except Patrick Dempsey is tied for third with him! So many men! So little time.
After 6 months of looking and living
like a pauper I am now pretty happy in the new job I have. I am also behind on every bill in the house! Has anyone used a credit counseling service to help them with debt and paying off everything to get their credit back on track? I want to use a legitimate company and not worsen my situation more than it is. Thanks everyone.
what's wrong with living
with a 29-year-old? I was married with two kids, owned a house, etc. when I was 29. It is not like he is going to live with a 19 or 21-year-old who might not be that mature or responsible.
Not if they are legally living here or if
they have become citizens. That is why Carly could not compete 2 years ago when she made the top 24. Her paperwork had not yet gone through.
Anyone out there living in Maine? SM
An old boyfriend, who is now a minister lives in Bath, Maine. Can you tell me where it is located and something about it? I would appreciate it. I was thinking of maybe visiting his church. 
what i think is there are too many people living
what is good to one person, may not be to another but a free ride may be a lot of fun to some.
i don't sit and worry about it.... i just think it is incredibly sad the way i've seen it work so well for someone who doesn't even deserve it and works so slow for someone who does.
We are living in a sad world.
//
how ridiculous! I said living
thing with a SOUL. Humans have souls. Oh i love my animals dearly, but they are not people, and i understand the difference. No, it cannot be twisted 1000 different ways, not accurately anyway. Human babies are innocents in God's eyes. But i doubt if you are a believer, thus the difference in understanding.
Living in la-la land
NM
My MIL is in an assisted living...
I think it depends on location and what is available really.
She lives in Salt Lake area and is in an assisted living, paid for through her Medicare/Medicaid and Social Security benefits. She has an apartment there and is wheelchair bound and they even let her have a cat. You should do some checking for her because there are places that will take them.
I worked in an assisted living for a while here where I live and it was mostly for private pay. I think nowadays they do allow otherwise due to the need for it and it is cheaper than putting them in a nursing home.
Once again, I would check on it. She will have to be evaluated of course to see if she meets the criteria for assisted living or if she needs to be in a long-term care. Prepare yourself for that one as well.
Hmmmm. What does he do for a living?
I'd be a little suspicious about selling drugs.
Been with my man for 16 years, living together 8..
Yay! We've been living vicariously through you. sm
I'm really glad you had such a nice time! What a bummer about that Pakistani doctor....pretty scary!
Have a great day! It's the last day of my pay period and I am soooo behind!! Gotta work! See ya!
Chickadee
Every living breathing male does if they can.
Only most don't codemn it. THAT is what I would have a problem with. :)
Try living downstairs from them sometime..... Gaaaaa!
.
I am living it presently, so I go by what they have done and told me.
nm
All living in my house have curfews.
My youngest is 19 and lives at home. He has a curfew. He tried the now-that-I'm-18-I-don't-gotta-do-what-you-say stuff but I packed a WalMart bag with his deodorant and his stinky tennis shoes and took my house and car keys off his key ring and told him he couldn't live here if he didn't respect the rules.
He wandered around with friends for a couple of hours then very apologetically came back and we haven't had any trouble since.
You are not too hard. If she wants to make her own rules, she needs to support herself. Adult decisions should be made by adults - that means supporting herself.
This is why I am perfectly content living
I love them, but I don't have to deal with them on a day-to-day basis.
How cute! She is definitely living her dreams
in that picture, Ha!
...appetites. Living composters! nm
s
Are we living in a big-brother nation
While I feel it was disrespectful from the student I feel it should have been handled differently. I don't believe the school should have been involved, since it didn't happen on school property or with school property. If I was the teacher I would have contacted the parents and talked to them and let them know how uncomfortable I feel about something that was written about me and let the parents handle how to discipline their own child. The school should have no say on how to discipline this child. What will the next step of the studen't personal life will the school decide to be involved in.
When do you get to live? When you start living and
x
I think I'm living with your husband's brother
I've got a very similar issue going on right now, too, so I'm very interested in hearing the responses. I don't know how old you are, but one of the biggest problems for me is that at 49, my body image is more comfortable having sex with wild abandon under the cover of darkness and that morning light (not to mention the sheet wrinkles, morning mouth, etc.) just don't let me feel relaxed enough for great sex (I might add that we've only been together about six months, and while being comfortable enough to ignore one's own body flaws may come, I'm not there yet). In our case, he does at least seem interested in the sex, with days full of flirtatious innuendo (he owns a ranch, so we see each other a good deal during the day), but somehow, he cannot drag himself to bed before 3:00 a.m. (and gets up at around 11-12) about an hour after I've finally given up waiting and gone upstairs (I'm an 8-9 riser).
This is a hard one not to take too personally, but if your husband has always been like this, it doesn't seem like it could suddenly be you. And, for what it's worth, there are many women who fall into the size 4 category (although I ain't one of them) who have the same issue, so it's not that weight loss/starvation will be this magical cure-all. As noted, I look forward to hearing from those who have gone through the same thing (and sorry for all the parentheses).
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