Keeping the spark in your marriage...
Posted By: ?? on 2007-01-30
In Reply to:
For those who have been married for a number of years and are still in love with your spouse, how do you keep that "spark"?
Spare us the intimate details , but share with us how you and your spouse keep the flames of love a' burnin!
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That should be keepING
How do I get 100% on QA checks, but yet I can't type a simple post? I do the same thing with my school papers. My professor's look at me and say "YOU'RE a medical transcriptionist?"
How old are you now? Think the key is keeping yourself
x
keeping tabs
My daughter travels around the country for business and she is the only employee that calls her employer when she arrives on site and when she returns home. They really appreciate this.
I have a parrot. What was said about keeping
x
keeping a secret
taking addiction too seriously is a mistake. Keeping it a dirty little secret is a mistake. Hiding "Pa" in the basement because he is an embarrassment is a mistake. There is NOTHING shameful about being addicted to a substance. I hardly think there is one person on this board who does not know someone on antidepressants or takes them and that is considered healthy? But medicating depression with vodka is shameful?
The best disinfectant is light.
regarding keeping the car tuned up and possible breakdowns(sm)
It can happen to ANYONE at ANY time. I had a brand new 2003 car. Six months off the lot and I'm stranded in a mall parking lot because the ignition switch died. No warning. No symptoms. It was just DEAD! At the time (Thanksgiving) it wasn't that cold out; however, I had gone out with a light jacket and no cell phone thinking there was no possible way I was going to wind up stranded anywhere because the car was reliable. Now I don't go anywhere without the cell phone and a heavy coat when it's cold out. AND there is always a set of botts in the trunk just in case. I'm happy that you don't have to worry about blizzards and cold temperatures; however, I'd be re-thinking your preparedness attitude.
I am keeping the journal going and in addition...sm
I bought a ceramic cross yesterday with 1 Samuel 1:27 on it which says "For This Child I prayed". I wrote the baby's nickname that my husband & I called it, the EDC and "went to heaven" dates on the front of the cross and it's hanging in our living room next to our family photo.
Keeping my fingers crossed that
Sanjaya's number will be up 
Why is there any controversy about keeping a maiden name?
I've "kept" mine. I also added my husband's name. Anyone who knows me as my children's mother uses my husband's last name when they address me. It's not wrong, so I don't correct them. There's no need. But my driver's license has my first name, my maiden name, and then my husband's name, no hyphen. (Hyphenation is clumsy, IMO, and causes so many problems when people are trying to find your name on alpha lists.)
I loved my father very much, and I had a wonderful family growing up. I was named for my father and we were very close. It's part of who I am. I want to keep that name because he gave it to me, and a very special gift it was, too! I also love my husband very much, and we built a family together. That also is part of who I am. He offered me his name as a gift to me, as well. I was glad to accept it, as well. I proudly use both names.
Yet, I've run into quite a few people who get quite angry and upset over MY name. I have a friend who married a Texan. When he found out that I continue to use my maiden name, he turned to my husband and said, "And you let her do that?" My husband's reply: "She's my wife, not my child. It's not for me to give her a name. And if it's none of my business, then it's certainly none of YOUR business."
That's why I love him!
In keeping with the question down below about in-laws...
We have all done our best to accept my brother's wife, but she grates on everybody's nerves. Now, that we can handle, but a few years back my mom bought a new (second-hand) car and gave her old car to my brother. She even gave them $500 to buy new tires for the car.
Then, when my mom's "new" car turned out to be a lemon and had to be in the shop for a week, my SIL refused to let my mom use HER OWN CAR that she had given them while her "new" car was in the shop - even though my SIL was NOT working and my brother had a car to go back and forth to work.
Yes, I know my brother needs to grow a backbone already, but that kind of set the tone for my SIL's relationship with the whole family.
So - what's your in-law story?
Keeping kitties off the counter...
I have always had good luck with this. Cover your counters entirely with aluminum foil. Tape it down. Leave it a day or two. The kitties absolutely hate the feeling of the foil under their paws and won't go back. I have even used this on the back of a sofa and it worked there too. The picture of you sitting there by the tree, in wait with the squirt gun is priceless. All this kitty talk, I'm getting ready to go to the shelter and get me another little furball of love. Wise
I love keeping out trash
like the person described above next door to her, love that have not seen 1 home here that is boarded up and reposssed, love that animals are not allowed to roam all over the place, love no cars sitting on blocks and junking up the neighborhood, love my neighbors are friendly, quiet and don’t have beer parties at all hours of the night, love the beautiful landscaping of our yards- in all just love being here in my little section of heaven.
You know how I looked at it? I tried to validate keeping my ovaries for (sm)
for the exact same reasons you are, but then when I thought about the risks involved, I then justified it in my heart and mind that a total complete hysterectomy was to be my path because I was afraid of anything metastazing to other organs, etc. In the long run, I figured I would have to lose the ovaries no matter what (whether it be now or years later), but the fear of me having been able to prevent it when I had the chance made me very comfortable with my decision.
I really can say that I have not experienced any side effects at all from it, but I do feel more at peace mentally just knowing that I have one less thing to worry about. Of course, this is not saying it will never reoccur somewhere else (God forbid), but I took care of the immediate problem completely.
I am going to continue you in my prayers and please let us know when you are going in so that we can all be here for support. Your decision is the best one you can make for your friends, family and especially for YOU. ((((hugs))))
Keeping tabs and silver platters
I'm in my 50s, but because I'm female and usually travel alone, I make sure someone in the family knows what plane/train I'm on or the general route I'm driving and I call them when I get there and when I get home. Usually, I just leave a message because it's roaming minutes on the cell, but they know I'm OK. That way, they don't worry without cause. Should they ever have cause, then they can tell the cops where to start looking for me.
On another note, perhaps your son doesn't value what he's been given because it has been given to him on a silver platter. I didn't have a car until I could buy it myself. I had small scholarships to a private school, but my dad paid most of it - and it cost the same as buying a new car every year (which was not his style). If I had pulled anything even vaguely resembling what your son did, I'd have been pulled out of school at the end of the semester and brought home to find a job I could walk to in my little rural town. I'd have been paying room and board at home, too, until I found a place to live. When I came to my senses and came crawling back to dad for help, he might have cosigned a loan to send me to the regional state school in the next town over, a fate worse than death. I knew for a fact dad would do this if I got out of line or got bad grades, so I made sure I never did.
Still keeping the windows open, even at night
Here in So. Indiana, we are finally past the heat wave and really having some enjoyable weather.. but are still desperate for some rain. Won't even thinking about burning any wood in the stove until December.
machio-man:.....'that she is not keeping up the deal on her end.'
Does he? To make it believable he should have included pictures (from himself, not from his son!)
If this story really took place, I bet, judging from her answer, that this conversation was not done in a joking and amicable manner.
Can't give you any advice of keeping plants alive, I'm
lucky my children are still living. LOL!
Keeping that part of my life separate sounds best -
I have been asked on dates but just have not been interested. I feel stuck just wishing we could all be a normal family again (the 4 of us). I even think ahead to when I'm a grandma down the road and still can't picture me with a new man! I don't know, maybe I'm just destined to remain alone unless I met the guy who was a perfect fit with my kids.
Similar thing here about a friend keeping in touch
Over the past 40+ years one of my girlfriends had stayed in touch with me until she had a son who died about 2-3 years ago. I made the big mistake, I guess, of repeating some things she herself had said when he was alive and basically she quit talking after that. Oh, well, she was the one who always needed helping and emotional support, had 2 sons who were either alcoholic or druggies or both and ran herself silly over grown men always bending over backwards, taking money she got from social security and paying their bills, letting them mooch off her, with her giving them cell phones so they could stay in touch, acted as if they were 4 years old, just literally enabling them to run her crazy. I guess I made the mistake of repeating what she had told me (and everyone else she knew).
ROFLMAO!! But hey, with that humor, she probably doesn't stay mad long! Good for her keeping you.
dodging the bullets! Keeps it interesting! And keeps you honest! ![Cowgirl](http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_4_124.gif")
![](http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb113&pp=ZNxdm824RSUS")
Try scrub ing/mopping with baking soda and vinegar and keeping windows open as much as possible - nm
x
That would definitely not be enough for me to consider it a marriage. sm
why do you all think you need some obviously lame guy to complete you? Is it just youth and hormones?
marriage
You are so fortunate. In this day and age, everyone is all about "me". My husband has no CLUE what it means to "work as a team." He simply cannot grasp it at all. He does what he wants to, when he wants to and how he wants to, whenever he wants to. If I ask too many questions he gets angry at me. I am now figuring out 15 years later that I made a pretty big mistake by marrying him. However, we have three beautiful children, and the one thing we do agree on is that they need both parents to raise them. My husband would argue the color of the sky if he was in the mood. He is contrary simply to be contrary. I give up. He gives me the information he thinks I need to have. I don't ask him for anything anymore because he absolutely will not do it (help with getting everything done, i.e., housework, paying bills, makign phone calls, etc.). All of the concerns I had before we got married (which I did bring up to him) have come true. I should have known it. People just DO NOT know how to work together anymore.
marriage
I think we are raising our sons to be "mama's boys" and not be the proper leaders they need to be. Plus, in this day and age of no boundaries, children have no guidance and absolutely no direction. My husband does not have a plan from one minute to the next. It is absolutely crazy. he cannot set a goal and reach it if his life depended on it. We just wait to see what he is going to do next. I honestly never know what he is going to come up with. He absolutely adores his children, and they feel the same. I have seen what divorce does to the children, I will not do that to mine. But sometimes, I just want to scream. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have asked him to go to counseling, but he doesn't see a need (he has everything he needs). I will teach my children what to look for in a mate and the warning signs. Hopefully they won't have the trouble that I have had.
Marriage
Marriage is a relationship that you have to take care of each other first and always. He should always think about what makes you happy and you the same. You both should be covered at all times. There needs to be ongoing communication so you both can determine what makes things work for you. Most marriages fail because people don't want to talk and would rather "mind read" or assume. You know what they say about assume. You should always treat your spouse like he/or she is the most important person in the world and is first in your life. If you have someone that takes advantage of that and does not appreciate it, then that is not the one for you. Ignorance and immaturity takes kindness for weakness. A mature man or woman knows that that is how they should be treated and how they should treat their mate.
Second marriage
I'm planning to get married for the second time. My last marriage was 17 years ago and I've been on my own with my 14 y.o. son for almost 10 years. For my last wedding I dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's but I was so exhausted I didn't even enjoy the wedding. I think I have a mental block for wedding planning now because I never really thought I'd be doing it again. However, I have zero doubt that I want to be with this man. We both just want to be together and can't decide whether to just go on a trip and get married or have something small with our families and a few close friends. We think it would be nice to have our immediate families help us start our marriage off but I can't seem to make myself think about planning things and picking things out. Mainly I'd just like to wear a pretty dress (not necessarily even a wedding dress and definitely not an elaborate one). It seems if you start planning to have one thing it calls for another. I've looked at some of the wedding checklists and it makes my head hurt to think about picking out cakes, etc. I don't want anything tacky but I don't want to spend a lot of time on details. Any ideas? Also, what are your thoughts on giving your future husband a wedding gift. A do or not? Thanks so much for any advice you have to offer. I don't think we are going to wait long at all so I won't have much time to plan a lot anyway, which suits me just fine.
Second marriage
I live in Eastern North Carolina. There seems to be a lot of placed in Tennessee that look pretty romantic too. I'm browsing through those now.
Second marriage
Lots of great ideas. Thanks so much. I really like the iPod idea.
I think she needs to get out of the marriage - NOW!! (sm)
That could end up being a dangerous situation as well. I have had female friends from this type of cultural background who had to go into hiding from their own brothers to keep from being beaten to death for the crime of dating a white man. She really needs to get out now before they have children.
What is there to think about? Marriage...
is taking a vow.
vow
verb [T]
to make a determined decision or promise to do something, which includes not sleeping with other women and no cheating WHATSOEVER. He broke the Vow.
Marriage is a vow.
Of course I understand that marriage is a vow. Marriage is also a commitment. Problems that seem insurmountable sometimes are not, given time.
Before your marriage, did you or did you not....
Let your DH see you in your wedding gown?
Marriage Help
Am hoping to hear advise from other in my shoes. Been married 18 years and completely and totally unhappy. Husband doesn't beat me, is a good provider, just not in love any longer. Kids involved under age 14. Do I stay or do I go? Trying to stay until kids leave house but very hard - hard to even look at him. He has told me i am average but he love me, has corrected all my mistakes throughout the years, because only he and God are perfect oh but he loves me more than anything! A year ago he wrote me a letter that pointed out all my flaws and could not understand why I wanted him to leave. Please advise. I am so terribly sad and miserable and don't know what to do. State I live in very expensive and would never want to move my kids elsewhere. Hints on staying in an unhappy marriage would be great.
Bad marriage
Hi Done:
I left last September after 30 years. I am happy being on my own even though it means I must work long hours to support myself. My husband and I are separated, not divorced and I took no money from him.
The marriage was not so terribly bad - no physical abuse, very little verbal, but the interesting thing is that my children were way more aware of the underlying unhappiness than I would have imagined. I thought we never really argued - they thought the atmosphere was tense all the time.
I will say that I feel lucky that my youngest child is 17. On the other hand, she chose to stay with her dad (as well as my 21 year old son) and that was/is heartbreaking. But I did not have the right to choose for her. I moved into an apartment across the busy street from where I lived. My children can visit whenever they want.
It seems that my children are actually happier now too. Can you arrange a trial separation? The thing is, nothing has really changed in the situation between my husband and I, and it doesn't seem like it will. We both have an incentive not to make things final with divorce - mine is to keep his good insurance coverage, his is to avoid needing to give me any money.
I feel I had a lot of issues in the marriage due to the incest I suffered as a child and he had issues too. We just were not able to make any progress on this stuff in marriage therapy and neither of us has made any inquiries to each other about the possibility of trying again. And do you really think people can change? I just don't know. I think you have to really want to change. And someone who thinks they are perfect and points our your flaws all the time and tells you that you are "average" is probably not looking to change.
You deserve better for yourself. Just do it on your time and at your convenience. It is possible to stay for a while longer until your children are older. I thought I would wait until my youngest was out of school, but there was one of those "last straw" kinds of episodes last year and that was it.
I wish you the best. But just know that your children are aware of what is going on and do you want them to use your marriage as a model for themselves?
If it's you second marriage and the first one
Didn't workout - then don't spend ANY money on the second one. Save it for the divorce - LMAO 
Before & After Marriage..
Before marriage.....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
marriage
Once 39 years and we did not live together before either.
Marriage
I know what you mean about smothering. DH has several guys he works with whose wives won't do anything without their husbands. DH and I have always said we have very little in common except how we feel about each other. He doesn't ask me to get out of our warm bed at 5 a.m. in 20 degree weather to go deer hunting and I don't make him go to the beach with me in the summer and get sand in his shorts. It works perfectly for us. Our 24th anniversary is next month and we have 3 awesome kids. Definitely had our ups and downs but it's all been worth it.
Marriage
Well said. I was just thinking that. My husband just told me I have until the kids get out of school next week to get out. This all started over a milkshake of all things! Why are most men jerks? Looking back I have lost over 20 years of my life for a lot of similar reasons. Friends tell me the same info about God ect. But does God want us to be so unhappy???? That doesn't make sense to me at all!
Marriage
Living with someone is hard work, married or not. My parents have been married 45 years. My sister's marriage lasted just under 3 years. I've never been married but have lived with my SO for 3 years. We would get married if the marriage would be recognized everywhere as a valid marriage.
Sounds like your marriage is over
NM
Not sure what posts are below re marriage
but you sound so very well grounded and truly in love and love your husband and obviously he reciprocates. You are blessed but you also sound like a wonderful person who knows how to compromise when necessary and probably pick your battles - if you even have any!! I am also close to your age and going on 25 years of marriage and watch little things in the marriages of my children and I realize how much I have grown and how truly unimportant some stuff is - but sometimes you just don't see it when you are younger... wisdom definitely come with age!! You are blessed! :))
No, he has a son from a previous marriage, but they have none together. nm
m
OMG you just described my entire marriage..
I am waiting for tax returns and I am OUT OF HERE!! We tried counseling, and for US, it just made it worse. We have 3 children..7, 8, and 10. They are sick of him too and have actually BEGGED me to get us out of this house. I know in my area there are a lot of "programs" to help in these situations and I am hunting them down!! Good luck to you and dont sacrifice your life to be unhappy.
I have a great marriage, and i will tell you what we do
First off, there is no "serving". I am home, so I do all the bills, take care of the kid and cook most of the meals, housework, etc. He takes care of the lawn and brings in a lot more money. He is also very helpful on the weekends. Easy enough.
We are extremely nice to each other, and I spoil him rotten but it goes both ways. The best advice I can give you is to be yourself. We go all out for birthdays, valentine's day, our anniversary and anything else we can find an excuse for.
When there is a problem or something unexpected, we split the responsibility for it or the duties that come with it. Everything is 100% equal. I believe he is the head of household in some ways, but in others, I am. That keeps me from being too much of a pushover and keeps him on the chase.
I have the same questions except it's a second marriage? SM
A friend of mine is getting married for the second time. The first time around it was a huge, and I mean HUGE, affair with an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties, huge Catholic wedding with a huge reception with food and free booze, etc. They registered at Macy's and expected everyone to get their presents from there. There China was over $100 for a place setting!
The couple divorced and now she is getting married again and has sent out invitations to all the festivities. She's planning another huge wedding and she has registered again at Macy's! Now, personally I feel this is just wrong. I think a small tasteful wedding is in order for the second go round and I don't think it is at all necessary to register anywhere for the second wedding. How much China can one person use? I mean, she got almost everything in her divorce!
I'm sort of a down to earth, pratical kind of person so Wal-Mart dishes are fine with me, so I guess maybe I'm not the best person to understand wedding traditions and etiquette, but do I really need to go to Macy's and get another expensive wedding gift?
When I was in bad marriage, I escaped in my SM
work. Whenever he would yell, which would be all the time, I put on my headphones and escaped into my work.
Now divorced, remarried to wonderful man, daughter grown and succesful, beautiful grandchild, wonderful stepchildren, AND I AM DEPRESSED!
I dread work, I dread putting on those headphones.
Group therapy anyone?
Have you tried marriage counseling?
Would your husband be willing to go to counseling? My marriage has been very rocky, and there have been times when my husband and I separated and I really didn't think there was a chance we would get back together. We tried several marriage counselors before we found the one who worked for us. But now - after 27 years - our marriage is finally a happy one, and has been for the last 6-7 years.
But it definitely takes two. If your husband will not go to counseling, then I agree that you should move back closer to your family where you will have the support system you need. Tell your husband he can move this time to be closer to his children.
You can have a great marriage too...
To be miserable. Marriage is work, lots of work, so is parenting, but it takes 2 to get both the jobs done and done right. Talk to your husband, heart to heart, and pray...Good luck!
You know I must be trying to work on this marriage. sm
 I'm about to skip Desperate Housewives and surfing the net to sit next to my hubby who just cooked us up some popcorn so I can watch his favorite movie of all time, "Blazing Saddles." Lord help me.
My marriage must be backwards.
Somehow DH usually gives up watching sports so I'll sit down and watch something with him. So we usually watch my DVR'd garden shows or those shows where they fix up people's houses. Okay, sometimes I watch shows like Smallville with him, but they have to contain a hunk or something for my pleasure too.
Am I doing this marriage thing wrong?
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