Just be supportive and a loving friend/family member - sm
Posted By: Interesting topic on 2008-03-27
In Reply to: Thank you. Will just wait until they are ready. nm - trose
My son jokingly tells me that I have Super Gay-Dar because I have had a few friends out to me first.
When my friend Chris came out to me a few years after high school, he was a complete wreck.
He called me up one night after I had not heard from him for awhile and the conversation went something like this.
Him: I really have to tell you something (I could tell he was shaking terribly and just sounded so upset and scared.)
Me: Okay.
Him: I'm gay. There I said it.
Me: And?
Him: What do you mean AND?
Me: Are you serious? You think I DIDN'T know? How many times were we BOTH checking out guys "back pockets" in the mall? How many times did YOU help me pick out dresses for formal dances? How many times did my parents let you come over for slumber parties all the way through high school? Do you think they let ANY of my other guy friends do that? Did you notice there were no other GUYS at those sleepovers?
Him: He has such a funny loud, barking laugh and he just started laughing and then crying.
Me: You wouldn't be you if you tried to be a straight guy. You're more fun this way.
Him: I just love ya girlie, You're my bestest bestest girlfriend.
Me: You're my bestest bestest girlfriend too.
And that was that. We still laugh about it. He can always make me laugh.
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a family member will help us....
for the initial part and maybe refinance the house in a year or two and transfer it to our name.
New family member
DH and I had been waiting to get another dog. Sasha is hanging in there, which is great, but I've been eyeing a dog at a nearby shelter and DH went to meet him today. He loved him instantly and put down a deposit. He said he is very calm and sweet, so hopefully he will be gentle with Sasha right off the bat. I know he needs to get out of the shelter - it was noisy pandemonium in there, and Bear was completely silent.
i had a family member
that was such. Yes, they can sure turn it around. the predominant characteristic is that they tell a lie even when the truth would be easier/when there is no need to lie. but when they are trying to cover something, wow, there's no limit to the drama.
Anyone have family member on Coumadin? sm
Have someone coming home on Coumadin after IV heparin and states they are not dietary restricted. Just sounds frightening to me. They have a filter in place. I am just worried but also my input is not welcome. Just sounds not right to me, too many risks, I think some diet caution here but then again, I hear too much, don't I? I am my own worst enemy. For now, I am shutting up but not sleeping too well over it. Perhaps just venting will help, maybe I'm wrong.
Family member with small cell lung CA
Anyone have direct experience with this disease? I have done MT for longer than I want admit, so I know a lot about the clinical aspect of it, poor prognosis, neurological side effects of the chemo, possible brain irradiation down the line, etc.
My niece, who is 49 years old, was diagnosed today and is starting chemo tomorrow. She has 2 masses, one outside the lung and one inside. One mass is near the lymph system and at this time they are not sure if there is mets or not - will do a PET scan and an MRI in a week or so to better assess this.
If you pray, offer her and her family up, otherwise, please think positive thoughts for them. Thanks.
Family member has one that opens up like an umbrella! Cool. A
s
Obviously you've never had a family member killed by a drunk driver.
Long ago? Time has nothing to do with it. The man has an alcohol problem and left the scene of a homicide. Sounds like you're ok with that. I'm not. It speaks volumes about his character.
Not mentioned, but a family member loves the Myrtle Beach area, very metroplitan, but they live
d
About the suicide. I had a very, very close family member commit suicide recently. sm
Let me say this. There were absolutely, positively no warning signs whatsoever. None. One day he was there and the next I get a call that he had killed himself. If you talk to anyone who has a family member whose done this it is always a complete shock.
She's just using that as a cry for help. To get people to feel sorry for her. I'm telling you, if you are anywhere near a Joyce Meyer conference you need to drag her to one. This girl needs Jesus. She needs a complete and total healing. I believe that is the only way she will survive this.
best friend is not family - he may only be his
best friend because he needs a place to live. Some friends are for life, others not, but family is forever.
Yes. Sometimes I tell my best friend and maybe family
about the support that someone gave me, or just a laugh to two. They think it is good that there is a place where we can get ideas, share things, etc.
A family friend's son in his 30s
He's had them since he was 2. The majority have occurred in the shower. Each time, he has hurt something or other (shoulder, leg, chest). Each time he suffers a seizure, a little bit more is lost (mentally). However, he holds a job at a huge bank, participates in the Special Olympics (and wins lots of medals). He's in better shape physically than most of us and does truly have strength. It sounds like Jett had more going on than just seizures. It sounds like from the article he actually suffered from brain damage as well (mental retardation). I am hoping his family can find peace with all of this instead of trying to blame. When the Lord needs another angel there is not a thing anyone can do. God Bless them all!
My good friend has family over there -checked BBC, (sm)
and everywhere, couldn't find anything. Many apologies. At least I got to tell my friend so she could call her family.
Any chance you could visit family or a friend...
for a few days when he leaves the dogs? Or simply tell DH that you will only take care of your guys? Let hubby experience what a job it is. I have a cat and a large black lab and those two alone can keep me pretty busy. Can't even imagine what you go through on a daily basis, let alone when you have extras. I believe in karma, and you have a giant reward coming your way one of these days, as do many of you other kind-hearted posters.
Thank you for your supportive response
I am still wondering what to do. After talking with some of his friends he posted something like this about 2 months ago. He has an appiontment tomorrw with a pyschiatrist. He doesn't know about it, I plan on just checking him out of school. Maybe this is wrong but at the age of 19 I swallowed a bottle of pills. My best friend was the only one that suspected I might do this and she showed up at my house totally unannounced. Now as a mother I think about the pain that mother would have felt because had my friend not shown up my mother would have found me. I can't just sit back and watch. If this were drugs or cutting we would all step up and take action immediately.
moderator, we are so supportive of each other here
i wish we had a weight loss board...has this been given any more thought?
Thanks. My friends are very supportive (sm)
but my dad just told me I couldn't use his minivan for my move because he didn't want to be involved. He's loaning my DH money to get out of debt though. Family is funny.
Do not enable, but be supportive
and whatever happens, do not encourage a methadone clinc. Your son may need a dual diagnosis clinic to learn emotional coping skills and receive rehab. I am a little concerned that you automatically reject the idea of rehab without having talked to him. You need to learn pretty quickly that going into rehab is only for those who are self-motivated or are avoiding jail. You do not have to make your approach to your son confrontational. You can be firm about wanting him to make good choices for himself without being confrontational. Put your foot down about not having drugs in your home, even if it means he cannot visit within your home. No loaning a car to him. You don't want to lose either of those. No friends over. I've even handed my daughter a self-test at the door and made her give me her purse to search. She chose not to visit for the next 2 years and that was her choice...not the one I would prefer, but hers to live with. If your son is addicted to drugs, he will not get better until he wants to and not one minute before. The best advise I ever got was this:
_When something becomes uncomfortable enough, you will do something to change it_
Your son may have to hit bottom. It sounds like he is cycling with ups and downs (cocaine then heroin) and that is an indication of something pretty serious and tough to overcome. My faith is never tested as much as when I struggle not to do something to control the choices my adult child is making. Letting go while being supportive is very, very hard. Good luck.
Great, greatly supportive post from "Through the Mill". nm
.....
Yep, I'm currently a member of WW
I joined Weight Watchers back in early September and am down a bit over 13 pounds right now. It's not a "quick fix" program by any means, but it's something I know I can live with for the rest of my life since it's not a "diet". Best of luck to you, and I just know the scale will start moving for you! :)
A fellow member . . .
of the loss of a child. I understand and sympathize with you. I too lost a son 16 years ago in a tragic accident. He was 23 at the time. Yes, it does change your life forever. We all grieve differently, and somehow find our way back to a life. For me, it was our other only child, a son, that made me, forced me to make my house a home again back then. I thought about how my deceased son would want us to go on, and how it was hurting him to see us in so much pain. I thought about death a lot, and that we are all walking toward that end one day. I thought about how I need to help make my other son happy again. That helped me to gain some semblence of a life again. Now, I see death as part of life and try to focus on what I make of my life, and how I can make it happy for my loved ones. Yes, my husband and son, and I think of our lost one, but we try to think of him with a smile and how some day we will be reunited again. My sympathy to you and your family. It is not easy. You are so fortunate to have other children. God bless you all and give you happiness.
Anyone a member of Curves?
I am thinking about joining with a co-worker and would love some feedback from current members. Do they have treadmills, etc or is it only the 30 minute circuit training?
if you ask a church for help they ask if you are a member
but limit funds to help the needy
I am a member of a rescue
Wow. What it sounds like is your "friend" is a lazy good for nothing.
I belong to Ohio Pug Rescue. It is a volunteer organization but we do have fundraisers, yearly dues, take donations, etc. and four times a year, the money we take in and the money that goes out (and what it went for) is published for all members to see. (One year, I couldn't think of a thing I wanted for my birthday when the girls at work asked, so I asked them to buy dog food, dog toys, dog shampoo, *anything* dog. I ended up with a great donation for our rescue). We ask no questions when someone wants to give up a pug and nobody makes any money. We constantly have pugs coming in and they are automatically spayed or neutered, have any health concerns taken care of and have a teeth cleaning with possible extractions. They are sent to foster homes until they are found a forever home (and believe me, we're strict about who can take one in). Yes, there is a fee for the rescue pug - around $200-400 depending on how much vet work had to be done, etc. But again, we all do it for free. Any money left over, if there is any, is kept in the account because there are always new pugs coming in that need something.
Our volunteers volunteer in different capacities - some travel to pick up the pugs, some foster, some do the fund raising or whatever. My name and phone number are with all the local animal shelters and with the local dog warden should they have an unclaimed pug they're going to put down.
Is there a way you can get completely out of this thing you started with her? To me it sounds like she started making money on it and just squeezed you right out.
You may just have to cut your losses and maybe consider starting another rescue. Or, do a Google search. Perhaps you can join an existing local rescue. Bless your heart for caring. I walk our dogs in a field and around a plaza and there are about a dozen cats (I'm not saying this to be funny) that live behind the Chinese restaurant part of the plaza. Someone feeds them, has provided shelter and water. My neighbor took one of the cats in several years ago (it wandered up onto our street). Last year, we took one in that followed me home from a walk. We took it to the vet, got tons of mites cleaned from his ears, got him all his shots and had him neutered. I made him stay inside for a week (he loved to follow us on our walks, staying just a yard behind). The firt time I let him out after his surgery, he was run over by a car. How does that go? Que sera sera? I won't take anymore in. $300 in vet bills and a dead cat. He grew up an outdoor cat, there just wasn't any way I was going to be able to keep him indoors.
So, pugs it is and pugs it always will be for us. :-)
As a member of a large church I am always around others. We have different sm
groups and we do dinner once a month, shopping once a week (if you can make if of course), movies once a month, etc. Then I attend a Bible study on Wednesdays with another large group of women and we will get together a lot and talk on the phone during the week, etc. This, along with my family, sister, in laws, etc., and I am far from being an introvert working at home doing MT. Been at it for 8 years.
To be honest, and don't take this the wrong way, but as an MT or anyone who works from home, you decide if you want friends, a social life, etc. We work 8 hour days or some of us work 4 hours. That leaves you lunch hour to get together with a friend or 2, after work for dinner, shopping, and a movie, and then weekends for a couple of hours. We all need balance. It is not healthy to be at home all day with no interaction whatsoever. You will begin to suffer if you continue living that way. Trust me, as a former depressed person who suffered from post-partum depression for 4 years (yes, you read that right!), I had to make a decision that I would not exclude myself from my friends and family, would make NEW friends while I was at it, and it has turned me into a very positive and fun person to be with.
I can't tell you how many parties I've hosted since coming out of my depression. My friends call me Rachel Ray with a mix of Paula Deen (I'm leaning more towards Paula), since I LOVE to decorate and entertain and be a blessing to others, ministering to them if I can, lend an ear or a hand if I can and have an "open" home where people can drop by if they need to talk about something. My life has been fantastic since overcoming depression.
I'm not saying all extroverts are depressed, but that was the reason for me.
Good luck.
And, btw, I am one of the working poor, a member of
p
...and another member of the Forum Taliban is
You people are nothing but terrorists seeking to impose your private notions of correctness on the rest of the forum population. We will be grateful if you retire to your cave somewhere in Afghanistan.
All the above are why my loving
furkids stay inside. I have a bird feeder right outside my work window and they are welcome to come and look at the birds which they do but I love my feathered friends as well. I have this unsociable furcat next door who had the nerve to come in my yard trying to catch birds. I chase it off, folks here not supposed to let their animals run around anyway.
you are loving her
You are loving her by stepping back and making her stand on her own two feet. Loving someone does not mean enabling them to hurt themselves. Loving your child means pushing them out of the nest and letting them learn on their own. If you keep enabling her you will not be loving her as much as if you push her out. Praying for you....
Jan
loving pet
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. I'm glad you enjoyed his company and love for many years. This is the caveat of having our loving pets - it's so difficult to lose them. We will join with all of them one day, when it is our time...how could we not. They provide us with so much love and good company.
Anyone that is a member of AAA ever sign up for the cellular plan using
Consumer Cellular with them that can tell me how they like it.
Pit bull or not he is a loving dog ...sm
who has never attacked and I honestly with all my heart know he would never hurt me. I believe in all honesty he would die to protect me to make sure I wasn't harmed if that is what it took. I know some pits have attacked owners and I believe these were either unstable dogs or abused or provoked. My dog has a respect for me also. He knows I am the boss and when I take a firm tone and let him know I am not happy with him he just bows his head and lays down. I didn't set out to own a pit bull he kind of fell into my lap you could say and I fell in love with him and he with me. I rocked him as a baby and nurtured him and he loves me with everything in him and I love him the same. My ownership of him just happened unexpectedly and I am so grateful it did. When I am sad he licks my tears and is so loving. I know other breeds are capable of this but CJ just happens to be a pitbull. I dont care. His breed is not important. It is the love in his heart. What is inside him. I don't judge a dog for what they are but who they are.
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
Family is great but I am never back in my hometown where family is... So I always have extended fami
You can always pick your friends your stuck with your family. An Xmas for me is where my husband and kids come home to. It is what you make it!
How to compete with a loving doting MIL.
I am jealous of MIL and Dh relationship. There, I admitted it. It was a huge red flag when we were dating but I ignored it. To start at the beginning I was jeolous. I wished now I would have listed but I didn’t I married him. Lived here in an appointment but he really considered his home with mommy who was 88 miles away. He would go every weekend leaving me here alone. I thought well, he is not married to me or anything I guess he is taking care of responsibility. He seemed obsessed on the family farm (70 acres) and getting that started. He and his mommy were working side by side to get “the place” fixed up. Occasionally, his friend and his wife would invite them camping so he and mommy would take a break with his buddies and camp. Not so intelligent me was sitting at home, alone thinking one of these days he will figure out what a wonderful person I am and he won’t have to cling to mommy so much. Boy was I ever wrong. He took my virginity and that made me want to cling to him tighter. I shamelessly chased him. Finally I told him that if he wasn’t going to marry me, I was leaving. He said okay, lets do it. Well we had a rush engagement. DH hated the idea of a wedding he had already been through that once. (This was his second marriage). He was not very cooperative and kind of rude but I did get my wedding. At some points in our courtship I thought it was sweet how he doted on his mommy I just wished I saw how dysfunctional it really was. I think my first clue should have been when he was late for our second date because mommy called him bawling because she and her brother got into a fight.
Anyway, it was so hard to keep MIL out of our business. MIL balanced our check books, dh would take me and MIL out of a drive, all outings included MIL. I told him that I think we should be taking care of our financial bus and dh said “no, mom knows how to do it and besides if I take that from her she won’t feel wanted. “ I asked, who did you marry, me or mommy. Well MIL is not in our finances anymore. She did used to go through our mail. I asked her if she was going to be a meddling MIL and she got mad and told DH and dh jumped my butt saying she is only trying to help and a few cuss words. (when the cussing started, I turned out). MIL was upset and she was going to take us to court. I guess she thinks she has rights to his money just like a wife would or more so. They did have bank accounts together, cc together.
Any, I cannot write a book. Just a long story short, I try to put up boundaries and I am the villain. MIL is not a meddler, she is trying to help, she is only being a loving, doting, graaaadmommeeee. To get along, I try to think of her as a break from the kids but the way she interacts with my children sends chills down my spine. First she would say that is her baby, she didn’t want her baby doing this or that. She did not want her baby to get sick so I couldn’t take her outside. She wants to sleep in their room so she can take care of them, she would take my oldest dd in another room and shut the door and undress. She wanted to take her to the public restroom, (It is like she thinks, DH child is her responsibility, I am just womb donor. It was driving me stir crazy. She and dh would buddy up on our outings and leave me feeling like a third wheel. And with DD, it was like she, DH and my child were just one big happy family. Gag. One time dh ask her if she wanted another baby, she said “I love babies.” GAG. Bad part is my oldest dd loves her. She wanted MIL to take her to school this morning, not me. She is 5 years old.
If I put up boundaries, or say that anything bothers me, I am the villain being mean to an old lady. MIL acts like such an abused old lady who looves me so much and I amso mean and trying to take her babies away (DH and the kids). Everybody says, she is so NICEEEE. I feel like I am in way over my head. We have been through counseling and the counselor said that he needed to put his wife first before mommy. DH thought that counselor was nuts and that he just wanted him to can his poor little old mommy. I have asked dh if he wanted a divorce so he can have more time to dote on mommy and so she can feel wanted and needed. He said no, I would rather have you here than her but he doesn’t understand why I am so mean. I have developed anger that I never knew I had in me. MIL I guess developed a sudden interest in psychiatry she says I come from an unloving, uncaring family. DH grew up happy. I guess that is why he was a teenage alcoholic, had 3 DUIs, got married the second he turned 18, had legal problems of course his mommy, being the loving mommy she is, would lighten the load for him and help him do community service. I cannot win. I want out of this insanity. I just don’t think I have anyone around to help me.
You are talking about loving the kids, right?
As an MT I on my own supported a house of 5 people, paying all the bills, including mortgage, cars, utilities- this was when hubby disabled on dialysis. Why would you want to stay with some jerk like that? I would not care if I had 10 kids. The other hubby died and I have a husband who never, ever puts me down. I live on Easy Street. Work part-time now, vacation twice a year, have most everything I want or desire. You can do better than crap.
I am loving these doggie-auggie
pictures- they are just too cute. I also do not know how to post pictures or I would show you my 2 fine male cats. They are real charmers their own self. Loving these, keep it up!
I am really amazed at how and question to loving ASR
speech (or the platform I work on) seems to sorta "take over" your PC. In other words, not only does it pick up what the physician says but I find that when I type a word wrong a lot of times it spells it correctly and these are words I do not have in autocorrect- have you also noticed this?
Oh, besides loving water, they also eat olives!
NM
I'm loving life since leaving MT.
.
I would also wear them, especially if you had a loving relation with her..nm
nm
Living in Georgia and loving it
Never have felt the need to move because I got frustrated, never. Moved from another state over 30 years ago and love where I live. I really hate when I see an overall blanket statement about a state being backwards. I find myself going on the offense when a person attacks a state in general when they perhaps are unhappy just for the person they are. I am sure a person can find fault with any place they might be brought up or choose to live but my community is very progressive, upscale and as much as I love to travel, hope this can be my home from here on. People make their own happiness and if you are unhappy either in your personal or business life, then perhaps you are just soured on the world, not where you live. If a person wants to move from my state, hey, just more room for the people who can enjoy their life here.
A guest book attendant is not a bridal party member and should
s
Summer. Friends or family? Family. Tired or Awake?
x
Loving these positive responses. Feeling much better about it now!
nm
I'll still be loving you - Restless heart
That was played at my wedding!
Please don't feel guilty! You sound like a loving fur mom!..I too
lost a cat this week, also about 18 years old. She was an outside cat who never came in but about 6 weeks ago she just walked in one day and never wanted to go back out, so I figured the end was near. I feel very guilty too, but I made her comfortable, stroked her, made sure she was comfortable. Hubby went out in the pouring rain/sleet to bury her under a cedar tree where our others are buried. When I told him how bad I felt about not being here when she died, he said she had a great life because of me and how much I cared for her. I am sure you were wonderful to her. Please don't feel so guilty! My gal, the day before she died, actually did go outside, it happended to be sunny for a bit, she laid down on the deck and enjoyed the warmth and caught the last bird of her life! For a cat, she went out on a good note!
You are a caring, loving person. That has been obvious SM
from your posts for a long time to me. You are doing the right thing and staying on top of this. With your close eye and caring and with professionals on board I think your son has a bright future. Keep us informed. 
Be patient, kind, loving and understanding . . .
sounds to me like he is missing you and your mom/family life. He is probably hurting right now and needs you and for some reason he finds great comfort in being with you. My dad died 13 years ago and I loved having him around. I know your situation is different, but be the comfort he needs right now and I am sure this will end in time. He is looking for reassurance for something. Who divorced who? He is probably hurting a great deal right now even though he does have a new girlfriend. You won't regret being there for your father. Trust me.
THANKS -- great article -- loving your responses ! n/m
n
It's my birthday today, and I'm loving every single moment of it!
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