It burns me up when parents support their bratty kids' actions
Posted By: Rad MT on 2007-07-11
In Reply to: Boy was I just told - NOT - sm - snarky
This kid is going to get some bumps and bruises from the School of Hard Knocks, otherwise known as LIFE.
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teaching kids to take responsibility for their actions
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Of course he should help and he paid child support because they are his kids (nm)
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They are both the kids parents - they should both help (nm)
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It certainly is sad for the kids and their parents but -
I would much prefer to hear about an 11-year-old or 13-year-old being abandoned under the Safe Haven laws rather than hearing about their mother or father deciding the only way out of a desperate situation was to kill their children and themselves.
The children are old enough that they have probably had numerous conversations with their parent(s) about why they are being left and how to find them later (at least I hope so.)
Dr/kids/parents
Need some advice. My 12 year old son has been ill on and off since October of last year. My hubby and I have had him to the dr. several times since October. In January a new care provider diagnosed him with Mono. He had missed 12 days of school with that and we were told it would take a great amount of time to get him over this, as he probably (according to the new doc) had mono at that time and was never properly diagnosed. After sending him back to school the 3rd week in January he comes home and relates to us that he hurts and is sooooo tired. This resulted in another dr. visit. This time we were told that he was still fighting whatever infection and this was normal. He missed a week of school with that episode.
This morning he wakes up and is complaining of an earache and running a slight fever. I am very concerned and have run out of ideas on what to do next? I just want to make sure he is properly cared for and there is not some underlying process going on that they are not able to diagnose.
Can anyone offer some advice to this worry wart of a mother.!!!!!!!!!!
Well duh....kids do need two parents BUT - sm
that is not always the case. Some moms and dad are just plain bad parents. In this woman's case she is trying to do the best she can, being mom and dad, and kid is trying to push it to the limits. Maybe the dad was the feared one in the house, certainly sounds that way, so the son now thinks with dad gone mom will let him do whatever he wants. Maybe that is what has happened with his friends. It is a lot of work to be a single parent. I have two friends that are single parents. #1--She left/divorced her DH when their only child was only a year or so old. He is $14K behind in child support but she is afraid of him so will not take him to court for the money. Luckily she has a very good job, and has now moved back in with her widowed dad to help take care of him. Her daughter is now a very well-adjusted 14-y/o who never sees her dad because he just won't make any effort. My friend has bent over backwards to try to get him to be an active father, he is just a total aaaasssss though. #2- Her kids actually begged her to divorce their dad. He was very verbally abusive and controlling. My friend had to hide money to have any. She would buy stuff at the store then return it for cash in order to save up money to leave him. The kids were quite happy with the divorce and hated to go to their dad's on the visitation weekends. Her daughter did it for about 2 years then refused to go--he of course took my friend to court on that, but luckily for the daughter she was not forced to go back to visitation. Now her son, 16, just told dad he does not want to visit with him anymore either. My friend is waiting for the court documents to come now...hopefully he won't take her back to court again. The dad puts strings on everything and they are not allowed to do anything over there, no friends, no TV, no electronics. Either clean the house, read, or stare at the walls basically, and be yelled at most of the time as well. He never takes them anywhere (to cheap), and spends most of his time tinkering with his truck or one of his motorcycles. He used to hold the child support hostage on my friend, would not give it to her if she ticked him off or until she would do something he wanted her to do, she finally got tired of that crap and went to the state and now gets it through the state/family courts. Only 2 years left on the one and 1 on the other so almost done with that. Then she can basically cut all ties with her ex, she will probably have a big party when the younger child turns 18. ----So in both their cases the dad's stink. #1's ex is AWOL basically, and #2's is a controlling jerk, it is his way or not at all basically. ----some men/women do step up to the plate and become better parents but I believe that they are the exception to the rule. ---I am sure counseling would help the entire family come to grips with the changes they are going through , and children need to be given firm boundries, etc. so they knows what is expected of they.
parents are suppose to be there for their kids, but he needs to get his s**t together
What kind of man lives on mommy? I am sure you don't want your son on this path.... I feel bad for you too! People go into the reserves so they can also have another job or go to college.... this sounds like a case for Dr. Phil... in fact I have seen this on there and he told the mothers to give them an ultimatum of either help out or GET OUT!!!
Some kids think this is funny, their parents laugh
and I for one totally agree with the school system. My daughter and her friends years ago thought that was cute to pass gas and belch out loud. She was called down on it every time I was around and thank goodness, she is now 33 and has finally learned how to behave herself and act like she has some sense. I think parents overlook their responsibility for not calling down kids on doing this. It is not fun for grownups and should be attended to promptly. Unless medical concern, it really shows lack of manners and upbringing.
lazy parents don't monitor their kids or keep them on the right
nm
Parents DO NOT owe kids college education.
When DD started college we paid,,,, at first. But she did NOTHING to help herself. From her part time job, all her money went to nails, clothes, meals out with friends, etc. She did nothing about getting scholarships. After 1st year, I said I wouldnt pay anything else. DH continued to help her. She did apply for scholarship thru DH work and got $2000. Of that money, she ended up dropping a class paid for with that money, cause it was too early (8:00am). Bottom line, she did nothing towards finishing school, in fact, quit going, did not increase work hours. I stopped giving her ANY money at that point. She ended up marrying Marine boyfriend and is now working at Dollar Store. These were HER choices, instead of completing her teaching degree, of which she only had 2 years to go. I told her why should I spend my hard earned money on her when she was doing absolutely nothing to help herself. She knew if she was making an effort to her future I would help her, but not if she wasnt doing anything for herself.
you did right, and her bratty immature ways will
nm
I think in this day and age parents should plan a way for their kids to attend college (sm)
$1000 a month is nothing compared to what it actually takes to raise two kids.
She made her choice but parents at least owe their kids a chance (sm)
She was given that chance and blew it - some would blow it and some would not. But I still think that with the way our country works today if you do not at least try to help your kids get through college you have not finished your job as a parent.
Help! Pushy parents think I work from home and can drive their kids etc
I am constantly being asked to watch people's kids because I work from home. The latest is a friend of my son attending the same camp in another town. The friend I will call Scotty. Scotty has two parents. His father works from home as a computer consultant. My friends and I have called Scotty's dad to work on our computers and he never even returns the call or shows up. Scotty's mom recently asked me if I could drive her son home from them because the dad gets busy and doesn't like to leave clients. I told her that I too am working from home and have to minimize my time in the car. Scotty does not live close to us. I feel like a big meanie but they have pushed me before. Last year our kids were not even in the same camp but the mom called and asked if I would drive and pick up her son every day because i live in the same town as the camp. I was like ??? no way.
They used to drop Scotty off at my house on school holidays. They would drop him off at 7 AM and then once the mom called me at 5 PM and said she wanted to get an oil change and asked me if I could keep scotty until 7:30 PM. I said NO and then she came to pick him up earlier but stayed at my house uninvited until 9:30 when I just said I HAVE TO GO TAKE A SHOWER.
Anyone have clever ways to handle these situations?
Poll for parents with school aged kids at home...sm
1. What ages are your kids?
2. Do they have their own cell phone?
3. Do they have their own TV and or computer in their room? If so, are there set hours they're allowed to use these:
4. Do they receive an allowance? If so, are they required to do chores to receive this?
As for our house, here's the answers. Kids are 15 and 8. 15-year-old has a cell phone and pays her bill. 15-year-old has a TV. The kids share 1 PC that is where we can see what they're doing on it, and they're limited to no more than an hour a day on it if it's a school day. We do have parental controls in place. They don't receive an allowance but they are aware of a special chores list that they can choose to do extra things around the house to make money. They are required to keep their rooms and bathrooms cleaned, as well as alternate cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.
That just burns me. I have to say...sm
from a personal point of view. When I was 18 I was going to a small Christian College. There was a rumor about me going around like that. It was untrue. The Counselor at the college pulled me into his office along with the guy rumored to be involved.
Needless to say, I dropped out of that school and never went back. This kind of behavior is reprehensible.
I feel sorry for the girl and her parents. This counselor should lose his job. They have no right to do this type of thing in the first place. I hope they get some results from this.
Yet another thing that royally burns me!
The ol' boo-hoo teachers are under paid bit. They work how many days a year? And how many of those days are a full 8 hours?! They get a FULL benefits package courtesy of the taxpayers and we get squatola. They get at LEAST a 4% raise every year...what do you or I get?! Oh that's right, we get the priviledge of higher taxes and they put out a consistently poor product every year. Frig that.
"What are we thinking?"/"Hot oil and facial burns."
>
cool wet tea bags are good for burns & blisters nm
nm
Well he took responsibility for his actions
He is taking full blame, not pointing finger at anyone else for his actions. He said it was an immature act, a mistake and bad judgment. TRY CRIMINAL.
He wants forgiveness and understanding and now has found JESUS and will put his life in GOD's hands now. He will redeem himself.
Kinda hard to forget and forgive this. Just disgusting. May be he won't do it again, but the point is HE DID IT and he cannot take back what he did. What's done is done.
He should still get the MAX time and should serve time in jail and he can reflect all he wants in there.
Try retraining him by your actions - sm
When he tries to force your hand into his go along with it but keep your hand limp so he knows you are not enjoying it at all. When he gropes make the annoyed sigh sound and see what his response is. I bet he will catch on! Good luck.
Why do you think the moderator bans such actions?
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I agree with her actions last night,
but when she said she didn't really care, it was about Simon's comments from the night before, not that she was in the bottom 3.
Stop talking and make some actions...nm
sm
Thanks for the support.
I understand exactly where you are coming from. You don't see atheists walking around and knocking on other people's doors. I have friends who are Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, Episcopalian, Atheist, Agnostic, and even Wiccan, so whose religion is "right?"
thanks, but what is HP support?
i've been kinda worried about this little error message...apprec the info.
what is HP Support
Sorry about the HP Support. It is Hewlett Packard. I was just having a moment and should have just said to email support at whatever brand of computer you owned.
I had this same problem with my Dell computer also and had no clue it was just an update I needed to do since adding security. I did this since grandchildren will be visiting and didn't want them getting into my files, uninstalling programs or anything else; won't have to sit and watch them 24/7 while playing games on one of my computers. Anyway, you're more than welcome.
Thanks . . . for your support
nm
SUPPORT
I barely weigh 110 pounds and that is with my clothes and shoes with something else in my pocket.....You have my support....
support
Whether I spoke or not has nothing to do with it.....when I was 16, I only weighed about 95 pounds..I am just thin, small, petite and have been so all of my life......I was just trying to give support to anyone who is trying to lose weight if they are determined to do....did not mean to offend anyone.....a person can accomplish anything they have their mind set on when they have a lot of support to do so.....THAT IS ALL I WAS TRYING TO SAY......
What do you mean she does not support herself
Is she on welfare? Does she freeload off her parents or other relatives? I think not.
I've read her other posts and yes she stated her husband has a good job. Does that mean she does not support herself. I think not. YOUR OPINION IS INAPPROPRIATE.
I have been married for many years. Some years I had a taxable income and other years I did not. I did, however, support my husband by cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, etc. I take offense to your insinuation that just because someone's spouse makes a good living that makes the other spouse's contributions insignificant. Thank goodness the IRS doesn't see it your way, hence, the filing jointly box.
Thanks for your support sm
The subject just hit a nerve and I think this girl has a legitimate complaint and her Mom needs help. I just hate my new situation, all brought on by switching churches and that's a shame! I love them so much and I think my DIL just needs to lighten up with her new church who are very anti-Catholic. I truly never talk about religion or any private matters, just get down on the floor and get busy playing. There is really no comparison to the OP situation, I wouldn't tolerate that either. Sounds like her mom is taking the Bible out of context - a lot of that going around these days!! God would be very upset with it all - family is so important, I can't stand that a church family has taken the place of the biological family. Nobody wins, everybody loses. The original poster has my heartfelt sympathy, that's no way to talk to kids, they are blank slates and we shouldn't fill them up with nonsense in their little brains. Sorry for the raw edges, sensitive lately.
My support also.........nm
nm
i need some emotional support
Not sure how much of DH yelling I can take. I work 2 jobs. Yesterday I had to put in 5 hours for one. DH is supposed to help with the kids. Well, his level of helping yesterday was just sitting in his chair and yelling at them to stop doing this or that. He said about 5 times that my 15-mo had a dirty diaper. I had the attitude like “well go change it, I am working.” He never changed it and I don’t know how long she stayed in that dirty diaper but by the time I got to changing her, she was red. Then I went to help my 5 year old with her Valentines. She did 20 Valentines and she insisted on doing them herself. It took her 2 hours but she did it all. I was proud of her and amazed. Dh kept hollering for us to get through because he wanted some Ice cream. I told him since he can drive he can go get it himself. He got mad and started yelling. My 15 MO kept bothering us. I got some toys to try to help distract her and it would work for a little bit but then she would pester us some more. I told dh to keep her distracted and he shouted “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO.” WHY ARE YOU ACTING THIS WAY? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? I told dh that she acts like she is hungry, has she had anything to eat. “she has been eating popcorn all after noon” I knew better than to ask him anymore so I got up and started to go find her something to eat and he yelled “SIT DOWN” and gave me a look that could kill.
I told dh that I just don’t know how to deal with him anymore. I feel he is angry with me or resentful. When we first got married, his Mommy was practically sleeping in between us. She balanced our check book, she went through or mail to see what bills had to be paid, still does, she has to know everything about what we are doing. She and dh are best friends. MIL went on all the vacations with us and it was always where dh wanted to go and MIL always loved where dh wanted to go. When I had the kids, it had to be all about her. I told dh thiat if this sick business did not stop, I was leaving. It stopped. Poor MIL don’t get to see her DGK anymore. Boo hoo hoo, (coming from dh and MIL). I am so mean. This is all another story.
One minute dh says he loves me, then next he treats me like this. My family, unfortunately, loves dh. He doesn’t act like this around them. He is no niceeee and MIL is so niceeee.
I have to go. I got to get my kids up and ready for school.
Emotional support
Sounds like you are carrying the load yourself. It's amazing how men are so insensitive and wrapped up in themselves. You basically have to hit them over the head with a baseball bat to get any sense into them. Obviously, if you were working and you have little ones running around and needing care, how hard can it be for him to jump in there and do what needs to be done? Hang in there. Maybe you can try talking to him and spelling out for him what you expect from him when you are working, especially with the kids. Good luck!
Thanks for the support for those who gave it.
I don't feel I need to answer "Jessie" anymore.
No, they will support you in meeting your needs
Some kids just need to nurse longer than others. Sheesh.
The best thing to do is support him
If he says he is, then he is. Sit him down, ask him what he wants to do about it and help him in any way you can. Let him know that you are proud that he acknowledges the problem. In dealing with my own family members, they've told me that it really encouraged them when I acknowledged every little accomplishment. Just saying "congratulations - day 3 without (alcohol in this case)" made them feel good. But, you have to be prepared to be tough, too. If he says he wants to quit, get rid of all of the alcohol. I, too, recommend AA and Al-Anon. I wasn't all for it when I initially went to Al-Anon when I was a teenager, but it helped tremendously. Good luck, I wish you both the best.
For who? The taxpayers that have to support them?
Prison, these days, is no punishment. The prisoners have more rights than their victims ever did! Three hots and a cot for some heinous crime? Must be nice! I am torn on the death penalty, but I think something more severe than life in prison needs to be inflicted. Criminals just don't see prison as a pushishment any more.
child support
Mine owes over $76,000.
child support
I'm in southern Idaho and I was shocked one day to read in the paper that only 10% of people here who are supposed to pay child support are current on their payments. I knew it was a problem, but I didn't realize it was that bad. I generally think my ex is a selfish jerk, but I do give him credit that he has always paid his child support and it's no small amount ($1000 a month). Sometimes I think I'd rather have him out of our lives and give up the support payments, but then I realize that it's best for the kids to have a relationship with him (unless he was abusive, which he's not, just self-absorbed).
I would much rather support the U.S. at this time..
nm
Mr. Tech Support
Way too funny! You can bring your guns to my house any time. LOL
TS = Tech Support said in one of his
posts:
'Ignore them and they will go away.'
So, you see, Ella, this is not a brain child of 'Anudder'.
She was getting a lot of child support before and --
her exhusband just got out of the military and now refuses to give her any money. He is in another state and is not working anymore and says he does not have to.
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
I believe it is Hewlett Packard support. nm
nm
Don't worry. Hopefully, you have family support, so
xx
Yes. There is a reason. I am a little behind on child support. sm
So, I am scared that it will be used against me. I get my son anything he needs and he is very well taken care of by the both of us. Very well. I fell on some hard times last year and I am now behind.
So, if I take this to court that will be held against me and I may lose him forever.
I did NOT want to go into any detail with my post. I just wanted to say that i was having a very hard day and was sad about the entire situation. That's all. Thanks for your caring.
Not referring to a no-support agreement. If there
NM
You definitely need a strong support system sm
right now. If being closer to your family will help you trough this then that is what you should do. You will be a better mother to your children if you are able to handle this better. About the money, since your child will be in first grade that should cut down on the cost of preschool. I am sure there are wonderful other speech therapists out there. Listen to your heart and "Go Home" and be surrounded by people that love and care for you.
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