It's not the dirty talk - it's the disrespect (sm)...
Posted By: dinosaur on 2007-07-06
In Reply to: Husband so disrespectful (in & out of bed) am I overreacting? sm - Anon
It sounds to me that your real problem is that he dislikes and does not respect women in general. Has he always been like this or has he changed? Have you changed the church you go to? Are you getting "male superiority" type messages from church? If not, why not talk to your pastor or minister? I know that it is embarrassing but you can discuss his lack of respect, how he talks and feels about women and, then, let him know that it is effecting you and causing you to withhold "intimacy". Believe me, he'll know what you mean! Furthermore, if I had to guess what caused this change (if he has changed) I would say that your husband's behavior is due to looking at and/or reading demeaning pornography! He is treating you like he would a prostitute and you certainly need to have someone intervene and wake him up. If you cannot find someone to talk to in the church, try a social service "hot line" for women. Men like that can go from bad to worse and you could find yourself in a heck of a bad situation without help! Go get some, now!
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I mean no disrespect when I ask.....
do you think you could have done a better job running this country? I would never want President Bush's job in a million years and only have respect for him and for taking the job on. I truly think he did the best he could given the circumstances he was given shortly after being elected. I know you will obviously not agree and that is fine, but I still say it is wrong to call anyone retarded. It is just wrong and uncalled for.
Disrespect, never saw it in my school
might have had our disagreements at home but nah, nothing like today. Our pales by comparison. Disrespect is a cop out as far as I am concerned. The kids need a heck of a lot more discipline because they have been petted too long.
I, too was born in the 40s. Sure you heard of disrespect and
bad kids and teenagers, but there it was never, ever to the degree we see it today, and all sorts of new problems like the drug addiction, animal cruelty, arson, carjacking drive by shootings, constant robberies, etc. In my home town a chain of convenience stores was hit about 5 times in the last few weeks. They say they caught the four who were doing it. Also on today's news was the report they caught the murderer they have been looking for. . a youth who killed someone in my home town over drugs. We had our problems back then, but nothing like this. It is totally out of hand.
I learned to disrespect authority. -(nm)-
Did ya ever just wanna talk about nuthin' just to talk?
As I said before in another post, I miss everyone so much...
So, I have absolutely NOTHING to talk about. Love my new job, love that spring is on the way, and I love that my belly is absolutely filled up with pancakes my husband kindly made for me just now...even though it's lunchtime and not breakfast. I'm one of those freaks that could eat breakfast-type foods at every meal.
...and that reminds me that it's almost that time of year to order some baby chicks for next month. Laying hens, not for meat or anything, just eggs and entertainment. I can't wait for warm weather--it's been a long HARSH winter this year. In fact, I think we're due for another ice storm at the end of the week.
I hope everyone who stops by to read my note about nothing finds themselves and their families in good health. Miss you all, even the ones that can't stand seeing that "Hayseed" name up there.
Dirty Dancing
I can watch that movie over and over!!
Dirty Jobs
I am soooo glad in knowing I am not the only one who thinks he is cute! He just seems like he would be so much fun to be around and really enjoys life. I have no problem when my son changes the channel to what that. He just doesn't know I secretly like the host!!! 
Dirty Jobs
Same here, my husband and son don't know I like him either. I'm afraid that would ruin it for them and they would never want to watch it. I love the Mike. He is hilarious and I agree with the other posters - the goeduck episode was the best ever! I can watch it over and over and LMAO every time. I giggle just thinking about it.
MMM, Dirty Jobs - what's that guy's name? sm
He's hot. :D
boy, my thoughts are too dirty on that one to express them!!!! nm
;
Dirty Dancing, Grease,
Urban Cowboy, Vacation, Vegas Vacation, Urban Legend, just to name a few!
Oh, I have a dirty mind or its late or
xx
Sorry, but I agree with her about the dirty dishes.
x
Dirty Dancing...(can you guess?)
Nobody puts Baby in a corner.
Go back to your playpen, Baby.
Absolutely Dirty Dancing
Love, love, love that movie
When the dishwasher sign says dirty
and there is room in it and everyone still stacks their dishes in the sink!!!!
Is she actually dirty or does she have an odor problem?
Who told you she needs a bath?
Can I ask why you aren't able to brush her? There are a lot of new products and tools that can help if you have a problem with your hands or arms.
I have clients who get their dogs bathed every week but I really don't recommend that, especially for a collie type of coat. Unless your groomer missed something she should be good for quite awhile in that department.
Do you use bad language / dirty words?
I try not to use dirty words. I feel that it just shows that I have a limited vocabulary. (My kids hate that). However, there are times, that I fall back and say things I should not.
Today was one of those days. I said the "f" word. Well, actually, I didn't say the "f" word. I said I am "f" mad. Not fing mad just "f" (the letter) mad.
I always told my children that this is a word that should only be used in the most dire circumstance if at all.
Dirty Dancing also and Pretty woman..nm
x
I've been through this sort of, but I was the dirty house - sm
Girl invited over one time for my daughter's B-day party. I cleaned the house, picked up, dusted, vacuumed, mopped, etc. I am not the best housekeeper in the world but I do a good job when I do clean. We don't have ants or roaches, or any other type of bugs or rodents. BUT we have a lot of clutter which obviously makes things look dirty/messy. I have slowly been getting rid of it but have a long way to go still. I have been squirrling things away in boxes, put them in the garage and see if anything gets missed. Next step is dump or ebay. I keep clean kids, bathe regularly, etc. This girl was/is forbidden to come here ever again because our house is messy per her grandmother (mother is dead, being raised by grandma and grandpa as the dad is too lazy to do it apparently). I could care less that they think my cluttered shelf in the kitchen is offensive to them, or our 50 pictures on the mantle bother them (slight exageration), or my husbands collectables in every corner covered in blanklets (though I do want them out, would make a big difference); we are not slobs. Yeah, I find it a little annoying, but I feel bad for the little girl as she is not allowed to ever get dirty and that is half the fun of growing up. The grandparents have no tolerance for any mess, that kid must live in a bubble. My MIL is exactly the same way too, but this lady is young, about mid-50s, so you think she'd still remember. I know this is not what you mean though. Hygiene is quite necessary and the girl will be teased and tortured by her friends if they see she lives in a pit. You could alway offer to help the mom get ready for the party, though there is no nice way to say, hey let me help you clean your house, it is really gross and needs a total overhaul, and you need to learn how to do laundry, bathe and brush teeth. Kind of hard to do definitely. Just do what you think is right and be as tactful as you can.
I have been told that lice don't like dirty hair - sm
and when there is an outbreak at school to use mousse in the hair as it is sticky, etc. and the lice don't like it. Don't know if it is true but it makes some sense, though if this girl is always dirty and still has lice (especially if they like clean heads) then that kind of makes no sense. I am not sure of our schools policy but I think it is one where the kid is not allowed back until they can prove they don't have it any longer. So far we have had no lice reports this year, had about 3 last year. My DH has a cow over them and I tell my girls not to share hats, combs, brushes, etc. , and when we have the lice scares I use mousse on them for a week or so. So far so good. ---One solution they could do for the girl is to shave her head, no hair, no lice, though it is a drastic solution but I know a family that did that as they had a strain of resistant lice that just would not go away no matter what they did.
Underwear - clean or dirty, your choice.
d
Do you have dirty dishes or excess amount
of trash that needs to be taken out?
Probably anything from the top of the "pop" charts that doesn't sound too dirty. Or just as
s
TV crush -- Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs is So Hot!!!
Oh man, he is so funny and manly and smart. That show is so loaded with sexual innuendo. Can't get enough. Think he is a fine specimen of man... yummy yummy.
Go try it, talk, talk and listen sm
Counselors are trained to "listen" and direct you to talk (not them). I have transcribed many, many mental health reports. They do dig deep and keep it going for a very long time, very long, usually (perhaps not for you). But if you both don't tell the truth, you are wasting your money, so why not just get it all out on the table and get it over with and get on with your lives? Don't pussy foot around, get it all out and deal with it. Gosh, life is too short to put on a show, it's not a dress rehearsal, it's life. Go forward, forgive, forget and forge ahead. Don't need a degree for that!! But a little help can't hurt. Might help.
Dirty World...it's a Traveling Wilburys song sung by him
The world's best supergroup is the Traveling Wilburys! My 3-year-old loves the video of Bob Dylan singing Inside Out with the TW. She thinks he looks mad when he sings. The TW is made up of George Harrison (my favorite), Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, and Jeff Lynne.
Theb report it to proper authorities - here won't do you any good they wan to dirty his name n/m
Dirty store and nasty workers. Wanted to clarify
xx
I've ended the cazillion dirty glasses in the sink every day problem...
My husband and I got tired of the kids coming to the kitchen a bunch of times during the day and each time grabbing a new glass to drink from - even after we asked them to pick a spot on the counter to keep their glass at and rinse it out/wash it after every use. Previously we'd end up with the dishwasher filled on the top level with glasses every day.
I went to Target and found different colored plastic tumblers. I bought a tumbler for everyone in the household. At supper time tonight I put all tumblers on the table and told everyone to pick their favorite color. After this was done they were all told this is now their color to use, and they're solely responsible for their tumbler each day, and are to rinse/wash it as needed throughout the day. I then went to the cabinets and proceeded to pack up all but 4 glasses we have in the cabinet - and those 4 I've moved to the very top shelf. They know that if their tumbler is found outside of the kitchen the problem is solved of "who left the glass on the living room table?" None will be allowed to wonder to bedrooms or they'll lose their tumbler and have nothing to drink from but a small juice glass. If we have company they can use the 4 glasses on the top shelf.
This should work and we'll no longer have dishpan hands!
The best thing for dirty diapers - mini diaper bags at the dollar store that sm
smell like powder. You get 50 to a bag - they are little blue plastic bags. Tie the poopie up tight in the bag and VOILA! throw it in your trash and no smell!
I like the Dirty Jobs show. Some of the jobs they
show are really quite interesting. 
Have a talk with your son
Any discussion or decisions about your son's feelings should be done with your son. This is an ideal situation to guide him in a positive direction. First of all, you are his mother and always will be. She may be doing the parenting tasks for now, and should be respected for giving of herself, but she should not interfere in your relationship with your son. Unfortunately that happens too often in families of divorce these days.
Ask how he feels about what is being said. Ask how he responds to it...or does not not respond at all. There may come a time where he listens to the garbage, then can stand up to her and say, "Aunt _____, I appreciate everything you are doing to help me with letting me stay here. There are some people who would not do what you are doing for me. But, my mom is my mom and I love her. She is always going to be my mom and you are always going to be my aunt. I feel I am lucky to have two different mom figures in my life that I can count on to help me learn how to deal with adult problems."
This sounds really dorky and I'm sorry others were as harsh towards you. I hope you put your own feelings in check and focus on your son's feelings as those being the ones that should be focused upon. He will be coming back to you one day, and everything that happens while he is away will stay with him. How you react is going to have more of an impact than what she says/does, especially when it is negative.
I know something of what you are going through. I am raising my grandchild. My ex's family did not speak to me for 10 years, but now that I have custody of my grandchild, for my ex's sake, they have been more genuinely caring and welcoming to me than my own family. There are a lot of words from the past being swallowed by my ex-SIL. I have proven that beyond myself, my decisions first reflect the best interest of the child. Everyone, even the child, feels it and knows it to be true. From that, respect is being rebuilt.
Good luck to you and your son.
I would talk to him/her
about the symptoms you are having and any family history of illnesses - more than likely they'll do some blood tests to rule out other things first. I had 11 of 18 trigger points on the day of my first visit - you can Google trigger points and it will tell you where some of them are and base it on that - but if your doctor suggests that it is all in your head and you continue to have problems please see another doctor - thankfully my doctor was very understanding and after I kept a log for 3 months of all my symptoms he then referred me on to a rheumatologist and this doctor has been wonderful - I see him every 3 months for routine blood work and medication adjustment if needed - they don't just dope you up on a bunch of narcotics - he also tries behavioral modification along with medicine - so I'm pleased .... Again best wishes.
Definitely talk to him
Sit down with him and tell him very calmly that you feel uncomfortable with this situation and ask him why he feels the need to do this. No matter what he says, keep your cool, and do your best not to say anything to make him feel defensive. Just be very clear about your feelings and your desire for him to stop this behavior.
To be honest, I doubt very much he will change, and I don't blame you for not wanting to live with this situation. The reason I am suggesting that you talk to him about it is to make it clear to him exactly what the problem is so that if/when you seek a divorce, he cannot claim that he didn't know there was a problem.
Internet addiction, particularly internet porn addiction, is a serious problem and is not easily "cured". I'm glad the two of you don't have any children. That will make things much easier, at least when it comes to legalities. Emotionally I know it is devastating, and I am very sorry you are going through this.
Not to talk about it
I have NO problem with the "poor" being treated medically or otherwise -- what I as an "American" have a problem with are ILLEGAL immigrants coming into this country and expecting things to be handed to them on a "silver platter." I have lived in Southern California, Nevada and NOW here in Miami and let me tell you if you DON'T speak Espanol in Miami, you are SOL!!!!!
I have also worked for state and federal agencies where I have seen minorities (excluding Caucasian women) getting preferential treatment.
Granted, this country was built on people immigrating to this country, however, it has now gotten to the point where our children and grandchildren have to learn to speak Spanish as THAT has become "the language of our country" and we as citizens are having all of our rights and laws taken from us -- for example, do a search at the state laws that "passed" as of July 1 -- Virginia's being the worst by far -- as AMERICAN citizens as well, we have by CONSTITUTIONAL law, the right to defend ourselves and our property, but those rights are slipping away as well.
Why? Because "All We Like Sheep" -- we need to learn that doctors and healthcare professionals are like we are -- I had one resident whom I kidded and joked that with his handwriting, he would never make it as a doctor because his writing was too clear -- stand up people for what you believe in -- look at the laws that have been passed and take it to your representatives, and forward -- THEN maybe when the voice gets strong enough, we can be heard as MTs and make a difference
Off DE soapbox for now
Talk
To the teacher, principal, someone at school.
Well of course I have tried to talk to him (sm)
For years...talked and talked, went to counselors, read books, prayed, begged, cried. It's not like I just pretended there wasn't a problem and started talking to other men.
talk a lot,
determine where your hearts and committments are. You can get past this and have a marriage better than ever, if it is what you both determine to do. Time and effort, not to mention prayer, can heal.
I think your best bet would be just to talk with the
facilities themselves. My daughter just had a $5000 medical (ER) bill that my interim insurance chose not to cover because of an exclusion rider (started new job, did not take Cobra but a private policy). I just talked to the hospital personnel and they sent us paper work to fill out to maybe help with the bill. Also, you can set up a payment plan of only $10 a month. As long as you pay it every month, they cannot come after you with bill collectors, anything like that.
Our local news had an article on companies that will negiotiate bills and the like for you, but a lot of them charge fees and are not totally on the up and up.
All this talk below
where my husband and I stand regarding number of times per week/month... whatever. We are in our early 40s and we do at least 3 times a week and he seriously thinks it should be daily. I think he gets it more than most; maybe not.
Talk about HOT!
Man is he hot! What's not to like about him. I heard shortly after he and his wife (don't know if they were married at the time), but they were selling something called "butt art". Like finger painting but with the other end. HA HA HA.
Anyone now a days in Hollywood that will come out and admit they have a problem and get help for them I commend them, unlike policians who hide it. :-)
I just saw him on David Letterman last week. He is still looking great with all the gray. Still as hot as when he first came on the movie scene.
You need to have a talk with him, and tell him what you need.
Regardless of the risk, the choice to take it or not should be yours. Tell him that you NEED this, it's important.
I think you both need to get out and help others, and you will probably get more help out of it than they do. Can you volunteer someplace where there children, or elderly people? Homeless people? You need to stop moping around going oh dear, oh dear all the time, and go help someone who really needs help. It will definitely help your mood and make you feel better.
Do you have any friends, or good neighbors? You don't sound like you have much of a life there, other than working and listening to your husband whine.
do you talk about it?
This place is what I mean....
Sometimes I mention to people, that 'someone on the MTStars' said this or that, and they look at me like I have three heads or something!
I just seem to know lots of people who don't even KNOW what a message board is ... just wondering if it's cause I live up here in the boonies?
Please...I need someone to talk to...sm
Okay, its pity party time. I may need to get a professional's help, but I figured I'd start with you ladies first as you're my "free therapy."
I am feeling really, really guilty about not seeing my dad as much as I "should." So, here's the story. My dad is an alcoholic. He kept it from my mom and I for about 10 years. See, he left when I was in 6th grade and not in the typical "dad just up and leaves" sort of way. He got a job in another city about 5 hours away. I remember we were all really excited about it as it was a really good career move for him. Mom didn't want to move so the "agreement" was that he would come home on the weekends and see us (right). So this turned into seeing him every month, to every couple of months, to about twice a year (thanksgiving and Christmas). Him and mom are still married (don't know how she does it) but I feel such resentment toward him that it is hard for me to go see him. We only live about 15 minutes away from my parents and are in their town a lot to see my husband's family. However, I choose not to go see my father because it is awkward and weird and it stresses me out to the max.
I get to see mom about 3 times a week as we work together (both as transcriptionists) at our local hospital. I love spending time with her, but not with my dad around. I know I'm hurting his feelings when I don't see him but on his birthday, father's day, holidays, etc. He doesn't drink THAT much anymore, a beer or two a day (we think), but it still bothers the heck out of me when I see him drinking. Although it is better than mom and I trying to get him to bed while he is falling down drunk or driving away, getting a DUII, etc. I would never tell him how I feel because I love him and wouldn't hurt him like that. He isn't very healthy (hep C, high BP, neuropathy, etc) and I don't think he'll be around for that much longer. NEway..getting off track...I just need some advice and/or to hear someone else's stories about something like this. I don't know what to do and it is really getting to me. It does feel better to be able to talk to someone about it though (husband doesn't understand and talking to mom about it just makes her feel bad). Thanks ladies for all of your support!!!
I really would not talk to her or help her
in this case. Would you drive her to the bank to deposit you SHOULD have had?
Did you talk to your mom about any of this?
I would talk to her about getting a restraining order against him and possibly pressing charges for the threats and harrassment. I know this may sound extreme, but your dad sounds pretty unstable. I get the idea that maybe you don't want to be the one to turn him in, that's why I suggested you talk to your mom about doing it and go together to do it.
If I remember correctly, you're married, right? Is your husband at all willing to get involved and maybe tell your dad to stop. Maybe he could get through to your dad a little better.
For the short term with the phone calls, I would answer it the first time he calls and tell him before he even starts talking that "I'm working and I will call you when I'm finished." Then hang up and when you are done, call him. Lay out the ground rules during that callback -- i.e. talking about mom is off-limits. Be firm. If he continues to call you after you tell him you'll call him back, turn the ringer on your phone off. My phone still lights up, so I can see that someone is calling, but there's no constant ringing to interrupt. It might take a few times, but be persistent and hopefully it will work.
When he is gone, we talk at least once a
day, maybe more, just depending on what we have to say. He travels out of state 3-4x weekly and a day without talking to him would be a day without sunshine to me. We are extremely close and spend lots of time together when he is home.
The more you talk against him.....
Your mom is going to try to defend him, so I think you may need to really tread carefully there. It's like when you have a kid (or were a kid) if Mom said do this, you did that, just out of sheer orneriness.
Now as to him sending her his debit card number, I'll be shocked and surprised if any repair shop accepts just a number like that for payment.
Have you tried going to the local police to see if they have any info on him or if they know of anything similar happening to anyone else? You could tell them the bit about the debit card - maybe there is a way to find out if it is stolen or not.
Beyond that, I really don't know what to tell you. Mom is an adult. I'm assuming she is a mentally competent adult, so you can't have her committed or anthing like that. Does she live alone? This is far out there, but is there a possibility you could get to her computer and put a filter of some sort on that would block him ? I don't know if that's possible or feasible.
Good luck.
Talk to your roommate!
If he's a friend, surely you can talk to him!
1. He may want you to leave.
a. Too chicken to tell you.
b. BF took it upon himself.
2. He may NOT want you to leave.
a. BF assumed.
b. BF took it upon himself.
3. BF may be jealous, and wants you gone without your roommate knowing about it.
In any case, the only way you'll know is to talk to him.
Let us know how it goes.
talk about failing
My stepdaughter attends school in Baldwin County, Alabama. She has failed all of her classes with a D or F for the past 4 years (with the exception of PE or chorus). Due to her age, it does not matter what she makes now, she is socially promoted to the next grade. (She is now 17 years old.) She will be placed in the 11th grade next year and only has a total of 5 credits to her name. There is no possible way she will graduate.
Her mother and stepfather do not try to help her, nor does the school other than to keep her medicated for ADD (which she now uses to help her lose weight). The school system just recommends summer school (which is only 2 weeks..go figure!) We have tried to obtain custody but the court felt she would do better to stay where she was ...that a move would just cause more problems ..trying to adjust to a new school, etc. I have offered to homeschool...but that was a no go. Now we are trying to convince her to get her GED and attempt a vocational course so that she may get a job that pays a little more than minimum wage. Unfortunately, she is no dummy. She knows as long as she remains in school, she does not have to work. She also knows that if she fails, no problem...she will be promoted to the next grade anyway. This is a true example of NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND don't you think?!!
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