It's not healthy to base your happiness on another person
Posted By: Why do women do this?? on 2007-10-24
In Reply to: Need advice/please don't judge me - sadgirl
I'm not trying to be mean or judge, but I just don't understand why women do this. You should never be this "into" a guy, it's just not healthy. You really need to get into counseling or try to fill that void in your life with church/God/Christianity, anything that makes you happy. Find out what makes you happy (in a healthy way) and pursue that. I've been married 10 years to a wonderful man who is honestly my best friend and I would be very sad if our relationship ended, but I wouldn't be devastated and I know that I'm a strong enough woman that I would get through it just fine. To honestly have a healthy relationship, you should be completely happy and whole on your own and you shouldn't need another person to make you feel happy. I pray that you find whatever it is that you're seeking, but trust me, you'll never find it through another person.
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At the base of the finger or at the base of the palm near the wrist? nm
nm
IMHO school and teacher were about as far off base as you can go...
Anytime you work around another person, you subject yourself to being called names. The "American Public" needs to suck it up a bit. If a teacher can't handle being called a name behind his/her back, he/she has no business being a teacher or in any position of authority. Bosses get called names behind their backs all the time BY ADULTS who are quite well behaved, and children are notorious for wearing their emotions on their sleeves.
Had there been a threat involved, had it been done on school property, or had the kid called the name to the face (insubordination), then the school would have had a complaint. In the absence of any of the above, school has no business there.
Were it my kid, I would explain discretion and drive on. Some of my kid's teachers have been *****es, and I have no problem with calling a spade a spade, but I do have issues with insubordination. A personal blog from home is in no way insubordination at school.
FLAME AWAY, but the kid has as much right to state her opinion as anyone else, and sometimes the truth hurts. I'm fat. I accept that. If someone points it out to me, it hurts my feelings, but it doesn't make me skinny. BTW, I'm also a b***h in certain circumstances, and have no desire to change. As a society, we need to quit being afraid someone isn't going to like us or might call us a name and realize we're no better than spinach in that some folks will like us and some won't, and that should not change our individual purposes a single bit. Used to be we were taught "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". Now we've decided that words are as bad as sticks and stones. When you cause someone to swallow their feelings long enough, something's going to break, and then you'll be lucky to just get sticks and stones. IMHO, this is where the root of much of the violence is, and if we'd quit trying to be Orwell's Thought Police, we might actually see a reduction in violence, suicide, and depression.
We silicone a key under the wiper blade base. Can't see it at all! Saved our butts
s
Agree. Wouldn't base $1000s decsion on infor from different parts
p
US Soldier Kills 4 Fellow Troops Before Killing Himself At US Base In Iraq
***UPDATE*** The Associated Press reveals more details about the shooter:
The suspect had been disarmed after an earlier incident at the center but returned with another weapon, according to a senior military official in Washington, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation into the shootings was ongoing.
***UPDATE*** The American soldier who shot dead five fellow soldiers at a U.S. base in Baghdad is in custody.
"The shooter is a US soldier and he is in custody," US marine corps lieutenant Tom Garnett, a US military spokesman in Iraq, told reporters.
The New York Times adds some perspective to the tragedy:
The killings appeared to be the worst case of soldier-on-soldier violence among the American forces based in Iraq since the invasion more than six years ago.
The shootings, which took place at a stress clinic, highlight the problem of post-traumatic stress disorder among U.S. soldiers, notes the Guardian:
Stress is one of the biggest killers of US soldiers in Iraq. About a fifth of all US troops are thought to be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, contributing to high divorce and suicide rates. An estimated one fifth of the 4,292 members of the US force in Iraq have died from non-combat causes, either in accidents or from suicide.
***UPDATE*** According to Fox News, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs Monday relayed President Obama's response to the tragedy. Obama expressed shock and sadness and is promising to fully investigate what exactly transpired at Camp Liberty, so as to prevent such incidents in the future.
***UPDATE*** AP has another update. The shooting was at a 'stress clinic':
Pentagon officials say five Americans are dead after a U.S. soldier opened fire at a U.S. base in Baghdad. They say the attacker is in custody.
The officials say the shootings happened on Camp Liberty at a stress clinic, where troops can go for help with the stresses of combat or stress from personal issues.
One senior military official in Washington says it's unclear whether those killed are workers at the clinic or were there for counseling. He says officials also are unsure whether all the dead are members of the military.
***UPDATE*** ABC News reports that the U.S. soldier who attacked fellow troops on a U.S, base in Iraq has killed five of them and is now in custody. Initial reports suggested that he had turned the gun on himself after his rampage.
***UPDATE*** AP now reports that the U.S. soldier who went on a rampage against his fellow troops in Iraq may have survived the incident:
Pentagon officials say five U.S. soldiers are dead after an American soldier opened fire at a U.S. base in Baghdad.
The officials say the shootings happened Monday at Camp Liberty near Baghdad's airport.
One senior military official in Washington said it was not yet clear whether the shooter was among the dead. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because the circumstances surrounding the deaths are under investigation.
Initial reports indicated the Army soldier shot several others, then turned the gun on himself. But it was unclear whether he, too, had died.
***UPDATE*** CNN reports that 3 other U.S. soldiers were wounded during the friendly fire incident that has left 5 U.S. troops dead. An American soldier killed 4 of his fellow troops before killing himself.
According to the Washington Post, it is the single greatest loss of life in a single incident involving U.S. soldiers since a truck bomb last month took the lives of 5 American soldiers.
***UPDATE*** CNN has just sent out a breaking news alert reporting that senior defense officials have told the network that a US soldier killed 4 of his fellow troops before killing himself. Check back for more information.
McClatchy is reporting that a shooting at a U.S. base in Baghdad has left 5 soldiers dead. The shooting occurred at Camp Liberty, a base near the Baghdad airport.
IQ does not equal happiness
I've known other brilliant people who indulged in self-destruction. There have been studies that suggest the smarter you are the less happy you are, and there may be some truth in it.
The first reason for this would be people with attitudes like yours, abc. They hold smart people to the highest standards. They don't allow a genius to be human, but they do have weaknesses. Imagine spending your whole life hearing "If you're so smart how could you, why haven't you....". There is enormous pressure put upon them by others to do something great, to perform mental tricks for the amusement of others, to "prove how smart they are". Some become as insecure about it as beauty queens do about their looks - I remember when I was married to my genius, we watched a show about a child prodigy who could play great compositions at the age of 4. This show upset my ex, I could see it made him jealous and insecure, and nervous that he was not as great as everyone assumed him to be. Just like there's always someone richer, thinner, and better looking, there's always someone smarter too.
Another reason would be lonliness. The smarter you are, the less you have in common with the majority of the population. The things that interest you most people can't even understand. I think one purpose Mensa was created was so that they could find people to talk to on their own level. The pitfall there is most of them are so specialized in their own areas of interest they still don't have anything in common - the gifted musician does not want to discuss quantum theories with the scientist, they can understand it, they just aren't interested in it.
In my ex's case, his substance abuse has three factors - First, he's physically handicapped, and his health has always been a problem. He self medicates with substances to escape the misery of being in his body. Second, he's a classic nerd who never had any friends or a social life. He started abusing substances to try to be one of the cool partying folk, to fit in. All of his current friends abuse substances, but he at least has some friends now, that's how he sees it. Third, the pressure to perform has caused him to give up. He was a computer guru before computers were cool. Once computers were mainstreamed to the general populace, and new software was coming out on a daily basis, he could no longer know "it all". When he reached that crossroads, he panicked, gave up and dove into the bottle to hide from his insecurities.
A high IQ is often just as much a curse as a blessing. I am assuming the reason to abuse substance is pretty universal - the desire to escape reality for a while, then it becomes a habit. If a person doesn't have the courage to deal with reality and change their life, they may choose to destroy it instead.
Intelligence and happiness....sm
Intelligence should ENABLE you to lead a happy life ND solve your problems.
Intelligence does not guarantee happiness.
pleasure versus happiness
Pleasure pertains to the senses. For instance, it is pleasurable to eat something you like. Happiness is a state of being which may or may not involve the senses, as in desires fulfilled. For example, it was a pleasure to eat the chocolate cake. I'd be happy if I could have the pleasure of doing it every day.
My days are filled with happiness
and not anger. I get out of the house and I unfortunately do not have any roses to smell right now. May be I will buy some. I do lead a pleasant life, and again I am not confused. Again, have a nice day. Over and out.
If you truly "love" someone, do you give up your own happiness for them?
I know this is where compromise comes in, but say like, if you are in a relationship and your personalities clash... but you love each other... one of you likes to be social and the other wants to stay home and doesn't want to have friends... how do you deal with this? Because if you compromise doesn't it feel like you are just forcing the other person to do what they dont want to do...?
My secret to happiness what something my grandma
told me.
My grandparents were opposites. I asked her on their 50th wedding anniversary how they had been able to stay together so long. She told me this:
You can sacrifice things in your life for the person you love and vice versa. But, if the person loves you and is worth loving, they will not require it of you.
My days are filled with happiness, not anger
and do not dwell on things that happened 13 years ago like some. We were on here talking about 1 thing and when you interject like you did, then the whole subject opened up again. I am sorta you are a confused person. Take a break- get out of the house, smell the roses, lead a pleasant life.
That's what this board is for, to share gripes and happiness sm
and whatever else is bothering us. it's nice to see that there are other people out there that bored just like me. there are a lot of pros about working at home, but i have to say, i miss being around people, leaving work at work instead of it staring me in the face all the time. i have two young kids who are in school and they are my main reason for working at home. i want to be there for them when they need me instead of growing up in a daycare.
you're very rude. maybe you need to get out the house a while.
Here's a healthy one.
Edamame (soy beans) blanched in salted water, served on Townhouse crackers with a light layer of cream cheese. Delish!!
Are you a night person or a morning person?
Just curious . . .
Mine isn't nearly as healthy. LOL
I tend to go for burgers. I like a cheeseburger with grilled onion, tomato, and green olives.
When I was younger and I trusted the food supply, we used to have cannibal sandwiches...raw ground steak, raw onion, salt, and pepper on pumpernickel bread. Tastes way better than it sounds. :-)
There's also a restaurant here with a world-famous (really!) pork chop sandwich. It has chili, coleslaw, onions, pickles, and mustard on it.
Can you tell I live in the South?? LOL
not a healthy two-year-old
Apparently, the whole house had the rotavirus and the two year old got an ileus? This is a relative. I have never heard of such a thing!
Doesn't anyone eat healthy? nm..
??
How about a healthy alternative
Healthy? What? For Superbowl? I know. I must be kidding, right?
How about a bunch of carrot sticks, or pre-peeled baby carrots, celery sticks, bell peppers cut into strips and some hummus. You can find good hummus at Whole Foods, and surprisingly, the Sam's near me has a really good one. Not everyone likes it, but it's one of my favorite snacks. You can also get pita chips and some baguette bread cut up into small slices to serve it with as well. Add some calamata olives and some bruschetta topping, which is roasted peppers in olive oil, and I think you'll have a hit that is not just the same old same old.
Healthy paranoia
Seriously, you're already distrustful of the guy or you wouldn't be having these doubts. How long have you known him? I'm with the other posters who advise you listen to your intuition.
Since it is a small dog, assuming it's healthy,
it actually should not be hard to place. Do contact rescues in your area if you don't have a network of dog-loving people you really know well. Also vets' offices. See if they will put up signs. Sometimes when people lose a pet, they want to get a nice adult dog fast so they won't be alone.
I'm also in NC, and I know a woman who wants a small dog. She's in her 50s, either divored or widowed, needs a small, clean, adult dog that's already trained and won't cost her a fortune. Look for somebody like that.
Well, I'm right in the middle, not skinny just healthy
I've never really been skinny, I'm too curvy to ever be skinny, but I'm at a healthy weight (bmi of 21) and very happy with my body. I pretty much eat whatever I want, just know I need to exercise more if I eat high-calorie/high-fat foods. I've been overweight but was miserable and decided to make a change, definitely much happier now.
If he is otherwise healthy, I'd lose the tail.
He'll have to adjust how he balances but otherwise I think he'd be fine.
Healthy meals for fussy 7-10 YO sm
"Yuck, ugh," sick of these words from young kids whose Mom wants them to eat healthy. They are also label readers (believe it or not), want to know where everything is on the food pyramid, yet they balk at everything in front of them. I am so tired of trying to please them and don't want to go against the Mom's rules. Anything tasty and healthy? Forget vegetables!
Anyone ever been really heavy and have a healthy pregnancy? sm
Well I am at 325 and pregnant. Yes, I am tall but still that weight is very, very disgusting. I wonder how I got to this place. But I am so worried about my weight affecting the baby. The baby was nto planned - was a complete surprise. A welcome surprise though. But I never thought I would be able to get pregnant while being this heavy. I don't why I thought that but I truly did. I am just wondering if anyone has been really overweight and how it affected your pregnancy. The doctors don't really see any harm in it, or so they say, but I am still a bit worried. Thanks for all input. I am getting the Lap band after I have the baby. I want to be healthy for my family after this and it seems like a reasonable option. Thanks everyone. Have a great Thanksgiving!
My SIL was heavy and had two healthy babies.
With her last pregnancy, she started walking and eating better while she was pregnant. She weighed less at the end of her pregnancy than at the beginning. Baby was 7 lbs and healthy, too!
Exceedingly fit and healthy, could he be using steroids?
x
School lunches are quite healthy in this day and age...
they have a lot of standards they have to be up on. Our school serves at least 3 fruits/veggie options with every meal. They actually serve healthy things like yogurt, side salads, etc. When I was younger, school lunch was terrible, but that's changed. It went from just plain terrible when I was a kid to terrible because they served so much unhealthy pop, chips and all to now where they aren't even allowed to have pop OR chips. The ones who bring their own lunces are the eating the crud now. The weight may have been the tubs of pb eaten with a spoon rather than the actual lunches served, as being a tween you should have burned off even a crappy lunch.
I think some things mentioned here are healthy
like nuts- I would like to see a picture of you say at 65 and see do you not still have a spread- it is called the middleaged spread and it happens whether thin, fat or whatever. Get off your high horse and quit looking down on others.
Lucky is the one who is healthy and does not need a doctor!...nm
nm
I so agree...mother of 3 healthy kids
I have a similar relative who would NEVER let anyone around her girls when they were babies, whether we were sick or not. No one was allowed to even hold them. Those babies grew up to be 2 of the sickest kids I ever saw.
Well, any healthy relationship should be close to equal
My husband works FT and still helps out a lot around the house. I only work PT, so I usually do the cooking, helping our daughter with homework and most of the cleaning. My husband always cleans the kitchen after I cook (and vice versa) though and he cleans the bathrooms. We also alternate doing the laundry. So, I'd say everything evens out to be pretty close to 50/50 in our relationship. We are truly best friends and we treat each other as such, and I would never dream of "serving" my man - that's just a ridiculous statement! I even had that part taken out of our wedding vows! If it becomes a problem where you feel like you're being taken advantage of, then you need to sit down with your husband and let him know that he needs to pull his own weight or you won't be happy. Good luck!
Focus on getting healthy, not on losing weight
I don't know your height, but was 5Ǝ" and 175 when I started trying to get fit. I lost inches first before losing weight. It took 4-5 months to lose 25 lbs, going from a size 16 to 12. Once I got there, I was more fit than 93% of all women my age. I was doing mountain hikes that put my teenagers to shame.
A few years later, I had some GI problems and started losing inches and a bit of weight, but not much weight. I lost the muscle as I had already burned off the fat. I dropped only 5 lbs, but went from size 12 to a size 8. I was anorectic. I'm back up again. ugh.
Just wanted you to know that if you think about getting fit, you may be more successful than if your goal is to lose weight. A lot of people give up because they don't lose the weight they expect of themselves. Your body will tell you where you should be. If you lose too much weight, you'll stay sick. If you are fit and stay fit, you'll feel it in any muscle and bone of your body. Good luck! Sounds like your off to a good start.
Maintaining a healthy hard drive (sm)
Maximizing the life of your hard drive
The following is a list of important maintenance and monitoring techniques you can use to maximize the life of your hard drive and prevent data loss.
Hard drives are physically fragile – handle with care
Statistics show that 25% of lost data is due to a failure of a portable drive. (Source: 2001 Cost of Downtime Survey Results)
Contrary to its seemingly rugged appearance, your hard disk is a very delicate device that writes and reads data using microscopic magnetic particles. Any vibration, shock, and other careless operation may damage your drive and cause or contribute to the possibility of a failure. This is especially relevant for notebook users, as they are most at risk of drive failure due to physical damage, theft, and other causes beyond their control. That’s why we recommend regular backup of notebook hard drives, as often as possible.
Possible solutions include external USB or Firewire drives (although these are prone to the same risks), desktop synchronization, or backup at a data center through the web.
Hard drives write data in a non-linear way forcing it to become fragmented.
When files accumulate on your hard drive, they do not just get written in a linear fashion. A hard drive writes files in small pieces and scatters them over the surface. The fuller your hard drive becomes and the more files you save and delete the worse file fragmentation can be. Hard drive access times increase with fragmentation since your drive must work harder to find all the pieces of the files. The more fragmented your data is, the harder the actuator arm has to work to find each piece of a file.
A case in point: Disk fragmentation is a common problem for users of Outlook Express and database software. Each time outlook saves new mail, it does so in a different physical location from the previous time. This results in extreme fragmentation, causing longer access times and forcing more strain on the actuator arm.
Finally, in the event of a total crash, a fragmented drive is much more difficult to recover then a healthy defragged drive.
Luckily, Windows makes it remarkably easy to defrag your hard drive, simply launch the Disk Defragmenter utility (Start > Programs > Accessories > System Tools), choose which disk or partition you’d like to defragment and set it to work overnight or while you are not actively using your computer. Defragmentation will speed up your computer and ensure a longer life for your hard drive.
A very small power surge can fry a hard drive – use a UPS and turn off your computer
Another little-known fact about the fragility of your hard drive is its susceptibility to electrical failure. An electrical failure can be caused by a power surge, lightening strikes, power brown-outs, incorrect wiring, a faulty or old power supply, and many other factors. If a power surge enters your computer, it may do an unpredictable amount of damage, including destroying your hard drive’s electronics or crashing the heads and possibly resulting in total data loss.
The best way to protect your computer from such dangers is to use a highly rated protected power bar or an Uninterruptible Power Supply (UPS). Although these devices won’t eliminate the chances of a crash, they will serve as effective protection in most cases. Also, you can minimize the danger of an electrical problem and reduce wear of your hard drive by turning off your computer or using power-save modes whenever possible. It’s a known fact that 100% of drives fail, the question is when will it happen and will you be prepared?
*Be SMART, monitor the health of your drive to prevent unexpected crashes
All modern hard drives have a self-monitoring technology called SMART (Self Monitoring Analysis & Reporting Technology). What most people don’t realize is that the majority of hard drive failures do not have to be unexpected. Most failures occur as a result of long-term problems which can be predicted. By regularly monitoring disk health and performance, you can know about potential hard drive problems before you lose any of your data.
Several excellent utilities are available, including DiskView and Stellar SMART for standard IDE and SATA desktop drives. Also available are tools that monitor the health of SCSI drives and full RAID Array systems. Ariolic Software offers a great utility called ActiveSMART.
*The only fool-proof way to prevent data loss is... Backup!
If you only take one of the suggestions here to heart, let it be this one: always back up your important data. After all the monitoring and all the prevention measures are in place, one fact still remains: all hard drives fail. Backing up regularly will ensure that you’re never caught without your critical data. For individuals, the simplest solutions include external portable hard drives, dvd’s, and online storage.
Just started Healthy Performance..cooking involved though.
It has been just a little over 24 hours. I CAN do this. Sometimes it just takes a kick in the butt to get me moving in the right direction and I think this is gonna do it. Good luck to you!
Contact him and be thankful you found him alive and hopefully healthy. sm
If you pass this opportunity up, you may never get another chance. I think i would call him, but you also have to think about someone else answering the phone and be prepared just in case. i believe everyone deserves a second chance and a chance for explanations. my eldest brother recently had his 23yo son contact him. lots of issues and reasons, but at least his son got to meet his father. now i am trying to get the family together as i am trying to get to know my nephew via myspace. both were sitting around waiting on the other to make a move after their initial meeting and neither were doing it. just FYI though, my brother's wife also had a major problem with my brother meeting his long lost son as well. what's up with that??? i can't comprehend that. as adults, it isn't like they are only after money you know. just want to know their family is all. contact him before you regret it!
whaaahh...I bough some Smart Ones and Healthy CHoice
holiday pounds. I want chocolate!!!
It just doesn't seem at all normal, healthy, or realistic to put your dogs in front of your own c
.
Happiness is a heart thing; pleasure is a head thing.nm
It probably varies from person to person (sm)
With me, first child I was out of the bed seriously within 5 minutes of having him. I didn't tear or have to be cut, he was 7 pounds, 3 ounces. The doctor did some type of vaginal massage on me though while I was in labor and that was supposed to help loosen the vaginal wall?
Second child, same experience. She was 8 pounds, 1 ounce and within 5 minutes of having her, while they took her to the nursery to get cleaned up and all, I walked downstairs with my husband to the cafeteria to get a drink and stretch my legs. I had already put my regular clothes back on as well. My doctor who delivered her was walking in my room as I was walking in and he was stunned a second and said he thought I was a visitor, LOL, not the patient.
I don't think you have to have bed rest in normal cases. With my son I went home within 24 hours with him and with my daughter we went home in only 20 hours.
No, I am not that person...sm
Nor am I trying to be ugly...I think YOU come first in this situation. If not, you'll get in deep trouble with your health, then what? Your family needs you...take care of yourself, and make your husband pitch in...that's all I'm sayin'
Who is this person?
I have no clue who this person is.
I saw a person having 1 of those 1 day
and they could do like all the other people around, just ignored it. I was in a public building, guy down and frothing at the mouth, not a good scene but totally ignored.
What do you think causes a person to be --sm
unable to show feelings/compassion for anyone else? I have a friend?? who shows no emotion at all. Says it is the way she was brought up and her family are not talkers. I shared some devastating news about my son with her last night and she has shown more sympathy to her dog after it was spayed than she did to me. Just do not understand how someone can see a person as broken as I was last night and offer absolutely no comfort.
I think that person needs more than just a
xx
Perhaps you could help me tell if this person is just like you or not?
If not that is fine, but you could probably use your "talent" to help others, like a PI or something.
Are you the same person who
posted a month or so ago having sent an e-mail to your husband's family regarding your husband's brother who is in jail and the father's apparent favortism? Just curious if this is the same family we are talking about. I remember that husband was bipolar and alcoholic.
I don't know the legalities of the situation but you might have to go through the garbage of calling the police, the dramatics and the ER one last and final time. But then be done with it. He's not choosing to get better and you can't make him. Change the locks.
Be strong. Hugs to you.
Mom of 3 you are one nasty person...
I hope your children dont take after you. Teaching them responsibility is one thing but pure nastiness is another.....
What a Wonderful Person
I wish I knew more people like you. It's too bad that some people are like this, but unfortunately the world is so much different thatit used to be. Keep doing what makes you happy.
The person who last had our number...sm
still uses it, so we get calls for her all the time! We got this number over a year ago when we moved and constantly get calls for her. We always tell them this is not her number anymore, but I guess lately she's been using it to give to loan places because they told us this. They apologize but it still stinks. She has a lot of debt out there, especially for school loans. We don't want to change it, though, and go through the same thing again and having to tell everyone our new number for nothing. We're also signed up at the Do Not Call website.
how condescending can a person be?
After I had a surgery 2 years ago, I gained an incredible amount of weight - not water. Last May I started going to the pool and doing water aerobics every single day for 2 months and changed to a low-fat diet. I did not lose weight, but I was replacing fat with muscle, which is the first step with the amount of weight I was dealing with. Then I started getting one URI and sinus infection/ear infection after another. All that exercise kicked my GI tract into hyperdrive. Now I have IBS and colitis. I can't exercise because I have to battle real and exhausting pain for the next 2 hours. I have pain every single day. I no longer have hunger pains as normal people do, so I really do have problems knowing when it is appropriate for me to eat. I've been with 2 different GI's during this time, failed 5 or 6 different medicines, and still can't lose weight, diet or exercise. My pay has been cut in half. I had to quit my second job and only work part time now instead of full time - all because I wanted to get healthy and in shape again.
The next time you think having extra weight is a choice, let me invite you to pay the $600/month I pay for medicines to control my GI tract issues. 
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